After the thrilling events of the XHF Global Tag Team Match and the huge announcement of the return of the XHF's biggest PPV, Night of Champions, the screen opens up with XHF's very own Bonnie Jenkins in the ring, holding a microphone.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the 2018 XHF Rumble! The first in a decade - and it will be the largest in XHF History, with a count of 75 competitors vying for the X*Crown Championship!
The people start cheering in an xtreme way, the only way for true XHF fans to cheer. The camera zooms in on the X*Crown Championship being held into the air by the referee next to Bonnie.
Bonnie Jenkins: In just a moment, we will call down numbers one and two to the ring. The two will clash and the bell will ring. From that point, after every two minutes, another competitor from any of the promotions within the XHF Network, or a member of XHF's alumni will come down to the ring to enter into the rumble. In this match, pinfalls mean nothing! Submissions mean nothing! There are no disqualifications within the ring! Disqualifications only occur if a competitor is unable to enter the ring in a timely manner. Once in the ring, competitors become eliminated if they go over the top rope and both feet touch the floor. The winner of this match is the entrant who is able to remain in the ring once all other competitors have been eliminated. That competitor will be the winner of the 2018 XHF Rumble AND X*Crown Champion!
The people are going absolutely nuts. They start chanting "THIS IS AWESOME *CLAP. CLAP. CLAP-CLAP-CLAP*"
Bonnie Jenkins: With no further wait, let's begin the 2018 XHF Rumble! Introducing the competitor which drew #1!
A remixed version of "The Ecstacy Of Gold" by Ennio Marricone starts to play over the speakers and a gold light shines on the entrance curtain. Jackson Steele steps onto the stage and demands a spotlight be shone on him. The spotlight follows him to the ring as he waves off requests for autographs and selfies, before making his way slowly up the steps.
Up on the apron, Jackson wipes his feet before insisting the referee holds the ropes open for him. He steps through and hands off his sunglasses and entrance robe to the referee before posing for photos in the middle of the ring.
King: Yee-hah! It's Jackson Steele! Usually, it's a bad omen and people hate it when people draw number one, but Jackson Steele was super excited when he drew it!
Hawke: Yeah. I actually heard him exclaim, "Jackson always comes first!"
Bonnie Jenkins: And for the individual who drew #2!
"Undeniable" by Seckond Chaynce begins to play as the lights dim. The crowds cheer as they know The Prince of Pain is about to come out. As the music kicks up, Michael Storm breaks through from behind the curtain. As he jumps out, he takes a moment to have a full view of his audience. He jumps up and down with the balls of his feet as he soaks up the energy. Michael Storm takes off his shirt and throws it into the crowd as he turns back to the ring in front of him. Storm runs down the line toward the ring. He circles around the ring once and slaps hands to in the front row. He then enters the ring and jumps up and down once more, waiting for the match to begin.
King: And the opposite of excitement is well, Michael Storm. He was screwed!
Hawke: As we saw earlier, Randy Angel switched numbers with Michael Storm. He was supposed to come in much later!
The X*Crown
Rumble MatchRob Arnold [c] vs Everyone(?) lolz
The bell rings and Michael Storm and Jackson Steele are circling one another in the ring. Their eyes refuse to divert from one another as they have a lot at stake. More than just the X*Crown Championship, the two have a history with one another. Once friends, Steele has turned a cold shoulder to Storm and even attacked him. The two have wrestled once in competition during the End of Days Quarter-finals and Steele has taken the win, albeit with some dirty play. The silence is broken and the two engage in a lock up!
King: Here we go, Joey! The first XHF Rumble match in over a decade has begin!
Hawke: I was originally very upset to hear that the AWF has taken numbers one and two, but it's extremely refreshing to know that AWF will get their guys eliminated in the beginning, so keep them coming! They don't belong in the network anyway.
Storm throws Jackson to the ropes. Up on the rebound, Storm tries to get his opponent for an arm drag, but Jackson sees this coming and grabs the ropes to stop the momentum. Storm realizes this and runs to the ropes. Jackson lowers the top rope and Storm goes over the top rope, barely able to grab a hold of the apron. Storm turns around and finds Jackson going for a tackle right before it was too late. He quickly throws a punch to Jackson, and forces him to stagger back. This gives Storm enough time to get back to the ring, inside of the ropes.
King: And just like that, Michael Storm was just nearly eliminated!
Hawke: Considering they've only been in the ring for a minute, I would have to consider this embarrassing.
Storm had enough time to get back into the ring but he finds himself on the defense as Jackson sends a knee into Storms stomach. He throws him up against the ropes. Jackson lowers his top half to go for a back body drop. Storm performs his Terminal Projectile OVER Jackson and lands on his feet to dodge! Storm grabs Jackson and throws him to the corner where he begins to deliver punches and kicks. That's when the clock counts down.
Five!
Four!
Three!
Two!
One!
BUZZ!
"My Hero" by Foo Fighter blasts throughout the arena as RENT A HERO jumps to the stage. He puts his hands to his hips in a superhero pose and runs to the ring. As soon as he enters the ring, however, he nearly doubles over from the exhaustion. He sees Storm and Steele in the corner and sits down in the opposite corner, trying to catch his breath.
King: This is RENT A HERO?
Hawke: Typical AWF trash. He has some nerve disgracing this beautiful ring.
Storm has thrown a tenth punch to Steele, but he's not finished yet! He throws Jackson Steele to the opposite corner, where RAH is. The superhero is a bit surprised but is always ready to step up to the challenge. He catches Jackson and throws him for a belly to belly suplex, but due to his weak and poor physical stature, Jackson lands on top of RENT A HERO missionary style. Jackson throws a single punch which may have almost knocked him out. The first AWF Champion gets up and goes back to Storm.
King: Tough break for the leader of the Watchdogs!
Hawke: The only thing he will be watching is the rest of the rumble from a TV screen when everyone decides to get sick of this clown and eliminates him.
Jackson Steele approaches Michael Storm. They begin to trade punches from one to another. The assault appears to be evenly matched. Jackson throws a punch. Storm throws a punch. Jackson throws a punch. Then he throws another. And another. And one more to push Storm against the ropes. He begins to push Storm, trying to get him over the top rope. Storm is struggling and that's when...
BUZZ!
El Ratón y el Queso by Cartel de Santa plays as Felix Venta enters the ring! He runs in and slides into the ring. He saves Michael Storm by picking Jackson Steele up and sending him back down with a back body drop! He turns around to RENT A HERO. Venta deflects a weak punch and sends him down with a superkick! RAH goes down like a ton of bricks!
King: Felix Venta is here and the former GWXer can prove that he can hang with the rest of them!
Hawke: And it only takes the first one not from AWF to put them to shame!
Venta turns back and sees Michael Storm, breathing heavy but offering a smile to GXW's inaugural champion. Venta returns that smile. They move forward for a handshake but get interrupted as Jackson Steele clothesline both Venta and Storm. The first AXW Champion, however, bit off more than he could chew. Venta and Storm picked up Jackson and teetered him over the ropes in a double suplex. He was going to be eliminated. Too bad they forgot about the...
BUZZ!
Suffocate by Finger Eleven plays throughout the arena as the one and only Gravedigger walks up to the stage and looks around, seeing the tens of thousands of fans. Storm and Venta put Steele down. As much as they want him gone, they know Gravedigger and know that for him, they will need as much help as they can get.
King: Gravedigger! He's back! This can't be happening!
Hawke: Well it is! For those of you who don't know, Gravedigger, along with Hardcore Harry, were both named as winners for the XHF Rumble in 2005!
Everyone in the ring stood at the ready as Gravedigger entered the ring. He slid in the ring and immediately Storm and Felix Venta were beginning to stomp on him. Gravedigger effortlessly fought his way back to a vertical position. RENT A HERO ran after him and dropped blow after blow to Gravedigger, sending him to the ropes. RAH backed up and then ran forward for a final clothesline to finish the job but Gravedigger ducked and lifting RENT A HERO over the top rope. He didn't send him to the apron. Instead he landed on the mat outside as Gravedigger proved he didn't lose an ounce of his power, staying true to his legacy.
Bonnie Jenkins: Our first elimination of the night is RENT A HERO!
King: He took him out like he was nothing!
Hawke: Did you not see who he eliminated? He WAS nothing!
Michael Storm and Felix Venta are back on Gravedigger. As he's close to the ropes, they are both pushing up against him. They are both trying to get him up against the ropes. Gravedigger is now pushing back against Storm. As his body is going up, he is using his legs to push back against Venta. Gravedigger is gritting and bearing, trying to hold on. Alas, the two with their combined strengths is enough to bring Gravedigger over the top rope but as he goes over, he uses his foot strength to grip the back of Felix Venta's head and slam it against the turnbuckle, causing him to ricochet and slam back. Gravedigger is also able to grab the bottom rope and keep himself from going over. Michael Storm tries to kick him out, but Gravedigger grabs a hold onto the bottom rope and holds on for dear life. Storm, however, keeps going for as long as he can but is stopped as Jackson Steele returns to shoulder block Michael Storm, strong enough to send him flying! He goes out of the ring between the top and middle ropes.
King: And there goes Michael Storm! He's still in this match, though. The rules clearly states that in order for an elimination to occur, that competitor has to go OVER the top ropes.
Hawke: I would much rather see Gravedigger eliminate him anyways much more than some nobody.
Jackson Steele is the only one currently in the ring on his two feet, and he's happy. He's taking the moment to recuperate at the buzzer begins to welcome its next competitor.
BUZZ!
Would You Still Be There by Of Mice and Men play and out walks former XHF Champion Alex Jones, formerly known as AJ Phoenix. He looks around the ring as he once again steps into the XHF Universe one more time as he runs down.
King: Big news here! AJ Phoenix is a former XHF Champion, a former X*Crown world champion. He's done it all!
Hawke: Including losing to Jay Cutter, another AWF flunkie!
AJ Phoenix, or now he's currently known, Alex Jones, jogs his way to his ring. When he gets in, he looks up to Jackson Steele, the cocky inaugural AWF Champion. The two share a smile with one another. Jackson Steele offers himself for a handshake. Alex Jones moves forward to accept, but Jackson's hand quickly balls into a fist and quickly uppercuts him. Alex Jones hits the floor. Jackson turns around amidst a chorus of boos and smiles to the crowds, only egging them on and seeing a new face to a man they once adored. While Jackson is turned around and sucking all the anger and passion from the fans, Alex Jones lifts his legs into the air. He kips up into the air! Phoenix taps on the shoulder of Jackson. He turns around and AJ shoves his knee into his stomach. Alex Jones quickly hooks the arms and slams him down with a pedigree that he calls The Dragon Sleeps
King: And down goes Jackson again! Alex Jones is on fire!
Hawke: Well I will say one of them can finally throw down a finisher.
Alex Jones gets up and turns around before getting a forearm by Felix Venta! Alex Jones staggers back. He turns back, but Felix is on the ball and throws Alex Jones over the ropes! He's able to land on the apron and stay in this fight. However, he's not out of the woods, and especially since Felix Venta is going in for the kill. He's about to eliminate AJ and that's when Gravedigger comes from behind and slams him down with a German Suplex! Alex Jones has the time needed to get back into the ring
King: And Alex Jones is still in the game! Yeah!
Hawke: Well the clock is counting down. Let's see if we can get someone in there who can impress me.
BUZZ!
Рев на лъвът (Roar of the Lion) plays as Lord Dominicus walks out into the spotlight. He throws his arms into the air and begins laughing. Gravedigger, who was throwing fist upon fist into the face of Felix Venta pauses. He looks to Lord Dominicus for a moment before resuming what he was doing. Lord Dominicus enters the ring and laughs again. He goes up to Gravedigger and sends him a kick, but Gravedigger pushes at Lord Dominicus and pushes him down and then backwards. LD gets back to his face but is completely perplexed from what he is seeing. He throws a punch to Gravedigger, which inflicts very little damage to him, but distracts him enough for Felix Venta to throw a kick up and disorientate Gravedigger. Gravedigger staggers back and turns around. That's when Michael Storm comes out of nowhere and returns to the ring to take Gravedigger down with a bulldog! Lord Dominicus points his index finger at the XHF Legend and laughs, acting like he orchestrated the entire assault.
King: Wow! Nice plan from Lord Dominicus! I didn't even know he was capable of that!
Hawke: ...Capable of what?
Michael Storm grabs Gravedigger and throws him out of the ring - or so he tried. Gravedigger grabbed a hold of the top of the rope and refused to be sent over. Michael Storm pushed and pushed. Within a moment, Felix Venta even pushes along with Michael Storm. Gravedigger is holding on. He tries to keep himself from going over, and he goes over the top rope! More specifically, he rolls back under the top rope and above the middle ropes. He slides back on his feet, between both Storm and Venta. He grabs both of them and takes them both down in a Russian Leg Sweep! The people pop at the XHF Legend showing why he's still the man. That's when a sound echoes through the arena:
BUZZ!
Silent Jealousy by X Japan plays and Jitatsu Yami runs down to the ring.
King: Now we have our first entry from SSS! I believe she's from Team Kuroi!
Hawke: Kuroi - I don't suppose he's going to make it to the XHF Rumble, will he?
King: Nope.
Jisatsu Yami runs into the ring and finds Gravedigger at his feet. She runs up to him, but gets blind-sided by Alex Jones coming at the side. He knocks her to the ropes, but she manages to regain her footing. She jumps to the top rope and bounces off, ultimately hitting Alex Jones with a springboard flying head scissors. Alex Jones hits the canvas hard. Jitsatsu gets back to her feet and goes after Gravedigger. Gravedigger, of course, sees her coming toward him. He goes to knock her down with a clothesline, but she ducks it. To capitalize it, she goes behind him and locks her arms and legs around his arms; she captures him in a crucifix submission. Gravedigger is able to remain standing, to keep his options open in the possibility to reverse, but can't deny the pain that he has been feeling. However, someone else sees opportunity here. Lord Dominicus runs forward and pushes Gravedigger with all of his might. The power was enough to teeter Gravedigger once again over the top rope. However, with his quick thinking and fast response, he uses his legs to wrap around Lord Dominicus, keeping himself from falling out. However, Jisatsu Yami is having worse luck. She is holding onto Gravedigger for dear life but her weight is causing Gravedigger's face to go red.
King: Gravedigger is about to go over!
Hawke: Oh no!
King: And possibly Jisatsu!
Hawke: ...oh no...
King: And Lord Dominicus is not safe either!
Hawke: Who?
Jisatsu adjusts. She's trying to free herself from this precarious situation. She tries to climb from Gravedigger's body, but the XHF Legend has other thoughts in mind. He begins to use his head to knock her out. Between headbutt and headbutt, he's trying to remove this body that's weighing him down. She's, however, looking for victory. She still struggles to get up. All of this, however, has been eclipsed by one symbolic tone:
BUZZ!
Livin La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin plays and out walks Daddy Sokolov, formerly known as Daddy Schneider.
King: WHO'S YOUR DADDY?
Hawke: My father died years ago and I just got over his death only for you to reverse years of therapy, thank you very much.
King: No! That's Daddy Sokolov. He was a champion within the tenure of TIW! And now he's a new signee within AWF!
Hawke: From TIW to AWF? Wow. His career really took a downhill turn.
Daddy Sokolov makes his way to the ring, flexing his muscles to the ladies on his way down. As he enters the ring, he immediately charges forward and pushes Lord Dominicus to the ropes. This forces Gravedigger to fall down and hit the apron. Jitsatsu Yami, however, falls out of the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Our second elimination of the evening is Jitatsu Yami!
King: Our second of the night! SSS needs some help!
Hawke: Please don't say that. I know that Ember Ferrari is still waiting for her entrance.
Lord Dominicus honestly believed that he found the strength needed to get the deed done. He looks to the left and points to the audience. He then looks to the right and points to the audience there. He then climbs up to the corner and looks down upon the fallen SSS member and begins laughing to her. He then turns to jump off, but there lies Danny Sokolov, watching. Lord Dominicus begins to shake his head, but Sokolov doesn't seem willing to oblige with Dominicus' requests. He jumps up and pushes the evil man out of the ring from the corner. He falls out.
Bonnie Jenkins: Our third elimination of the evening is Lord Dominicus!
King: That Dominicus is certainly an interesting one.
Hawke: Maybe so, but I like this Daddy Sokolov guy. He has no non-sense for stuff like this.
Daddy Sokolov backs up from the corner. He looks over to the rest of the people in the Madrid Royal Palace screaming, "That's how you eliminate someone!" He turns around to face the rest of the competitors and gets floored by a running clothesline from Felix Venta. At the moment, everyone else is down in the ring, although Alex Jones is now finding his way back to his feet. Venta gets up again and pulls Sokolov back to his feet. Venta throws a forearm. And another. And another, until Venta has Sokolov up against the ropes. He begins to push and do what he can to get the big man over the ropes, but he responds quickly and viciously with a headbutt into the noggin' of El Gato among the counting down. Daddy Sokolov begins to grin as he took down Felix Venta. He looks to the former XHF Champion Alex Jones and grasps the other as the ominous BUZZ echoes throughout the stadium.
King: Who's it going to be? Who's it going to be?!
"MIA" by Avenged Sevenfold blasts throughout the PA Systems and out runs Dylan Black, running into the ring.
King: It's Dylan Black! He has been a legend through FWA then to its run as RWA. Now he's in the AXW and kicking ass there!
Hawke: And I have to say he has a lot of patience considering his plight with Jeffrey Viper. Well he'll need all the energy he can get if he's going to win at this early on in the rumble.
Daddy Sokolov and Alex Jones approach one another, but stop as they see Dylan Black run into the ring. They both face the newcomer to the ring, Dylan Black. They both go after him with punches and various other types of assaults. Dylan Black falls back to a knee after succumbing to the attacks. Daddy Sokolov, happy, begins to face Alex Jones, but it was the wrong move to make as Dylan charges forth with a tackle and knocks him down. He goes at him like a crazed man and has been screaming with a rage few has ever seen before. Alex Jones sees this and begins to take care of Dylan with his back turned to him. Dylan Black, however, jumps off Sokolov with a hip check. He steps back before shooting back forward with a high knee to the face. Alex Jones staggers back. AJ Phoenix wipes his face a little bit with the upper-side of his wrist. When he takes his wrist away, he looks up and finds Jackson Steele taking him down with a spear, a finisher that he likes to call the wedding tackle!
King: Wedding tackle! Jackson Steele is back up and repaid a finisher with a finisher!
Hawke: But who could forget Dylan Black? He's back in. He's ready to go! He's ready to rumble!
Jackson Steele gets back onto his feet, but doesn't stay there long as Dylan Black grabs Jackson Steele and throws him over the top rope! Jackson is able to grab the bottom rope on his way out to keep himself from getting eliminated. Black sees that and moves forward, but Michael Storm comes up from behind Black. He grabs him and throws him to the ropes, but he doesn't go over. Instead, Dylan is able to use his boot to stop the momentum. To retaliate, he grabs Michael Storm into a headlock. He then uses his feet to swing away from the ropes and down to a DDT! Gasps audibly illuminate the crowd as Dylan Black gets up and smiles. That's when once more - BUZZ!
Seven Nation Army by White Stripes (Tron Mix) plays as Shogun Tron comes out. He throws a superhero-like pose and he makes his way down to the ring.
King: This is Shogun-Tron! He scored very well when he last wrestled in the XHF Network!
Hawke: That's right. He was in the End of Days tournament and made it to the finals, where he only became eliminated by Jackson Steele. Now he'll be able to get his revenge.
Shogun-Tron enters the ring and Dylan Black immediately goes to work on him. He offers no mercy nor pleasantries when he immediately shoots him down with a clothesline. As Shogun-Tron attempts to get back up, Dylan Black helps him... only to send him back down with a back body drop. Shogun-Tron immediately rolls around and grasps his back. Dylan Black is now staring at Shogun-Tron with such an intense look on his eyes. He's ready to end things, and to eliminate Shogun-Tron. As Shogun-Tron slowly gets to his feet, Dylan Black begins to charge. That's when Felix Venta comes out from the side and takes him down with a sliding kick. Dylan Black trips over. He turns his head as he stares at Felix Venta, wishing him pain that is soon to come. He keeps his head turned as he gets to his knees. That's when Shogun-Tron strikes. He takes him down with a Shining Wizard. Or as he calls it, Wormhole!
King: Good job, Shogun-Tron!
Hawke: Well Dylan Black is not a joke. And Shogun-Tron knows how to come back at a loss.
Shogun-Tron gets up. He looks at Felix, who smiles and gives him a thumbs up but it's a possibility that in... THE FUTURE, the thumbs up is an active act of aggression, and must be punished. He reacts with a spinning heel kick and takes down Felix. Shogun-Tron looks to pick up Felix Venta and go for the elimination, but he suddenly reaches new heights without any hesitation. It's Gravedigger and he takes Shogun-Tron down with an electric chair drop! Gravedigger is now the only one in the ring vertically. He picks up Shogun-Tron and throws him to the corner. He begins to deliver back hands to the chest and that's when... BUZZ!
Invincible by Pat Benatar plays through the system, that's when Harold Campbell walks out... in a pig costume.
King: It's Harry! It's Harry! Why is he wearing a pig costume, though?
Hawke: Oh my! It's Hardcore Harry, also known as Harold Campbell. At the start of the XHF Network, he was the X*Crown Champion! Now he's here!
Hardcore Harry enters the ring and begins to clear house. He grabs Gravedigger and pulls him off of Shogun-Tron and throws him out of the ring! Shogun-Tron tries to thank Harry, but the former X*Crown Champion throws him out of the ring as well! Michael Storm surprises Harry from behind and throws strike after strike, but Harry reaches behind him and grabs Storm. He lifts him over his head and throws him out of the ring. Harry begins to laugh before getting attacked from Alex Jones and Daddy Sokolov, both jumping on his back. They begin forcing Harry to the ropes, but Harry runs backwards to the corner, slamming both of them off of him. After the two fall off, Harry throws both of them off. With some free time, he finds the downed Jackson Steele and kicks him from underneath the ropes, although he knows full well that's not a real elimination. Suddenly, Dylan Black comes charging at him, but Harry has nearly a foot over him and probably over a hundred of pounds, but Harry turns around and uses Dylan's momentum against him, throwing him over the ropes as well. After throwing Felix Venta out, there is no one in the ring but Harry! The giant of a man roars to the tens of thousands in Madrid, Spain arena.
King: This is purely amazing...
Hawke: Ladies and gentlemen, Hardcore Harry has effectively eliminated... no one.
Every single person, except for Jackson Steele, has landed on their feet on the apron outside of the ring. It takes them nearly no time at all to enter the ring, except for Jackson Steele, who sees this moment as his moment to get a break from the constant viciousness. After all, it has been over forty minutes since the match has begun, and he joined at the same time as Michael Storm as entries one and two (non-respectively.) All those who most recently entered the ring turn to Hardcore Harry and chase after him. They circle around him and close in on him, kicking and stomping at him until he gets to the ground. Hardcore Harry is gritting his teeth, looking for a moment to get back. Perhaps the next entrant could be his saving grace. It was then when the BUZZ sounded through the arena. Mariachi music plays throughout the arena.
King: Mariachi music. Could it be?
Hawke: Oh, it is! It's...
It's La Parka! Yes! La Parka jumps on out into view. The Spanish-speaking wrestler, well known for his stint as the Junior Heavyweight Champion and as a well-known member of Kanyon Enterprise. He, however, really has no connection to Hardcore Harry and is there was anyone out there that would save Harry, it wouldn't be him. Then again, Hardcore Harry wasn't really well-received in the XHF at all, so I'm not really sure who you could potentially be expecting could appear that would actually help him. La Parka slides into the ring and takes down Felix Venta with a flying spinning heel kick. Michael Storm senses the discord about to happen and goes after La Parka but immediately gets taken down with a hurracanrana. The amount of people and attention on Harry is dwindling, giving him a chance to fight back. He throws an elbow down to Dylan Black and then punches Shogun-Tron, allowing him to get back onto his feet.
King: I guess La Parka did help out Harry?
Hawke: And now he has his attention to Gravedigger!
Indeed he has. He throws a punch to Gravedigger, but he retaliates. Harry is determined to out-muscle the much smaller man and hip-checks Gravedigger, forcing him back. Harry throws a punch. And another. And finally, Gravedigger is backed up against the ropes. Harry backs up and finally charges forward. And that's when La Parka runs up to Harry and hits him with a flying headscissors and now Harry is teetering outside of the ring. His feet are kicking and he's trying not to become eliminated! The people are shocked.
King: But La Parka is such a tiny man! How could he put Harry into such a precarious position?
Hawke: He's from Kanyon Enterprise! That group is full of champions! I mean, maybe not GQ Money, but everyone who matters, that is.
Gravedigger gets up from the ropes. He's about to help La Parka eliminate Harry, and that's when it happened - BUZZ!
Can I get an Outlaw by Ryan Upchurch plays and out walks the main figurehead of TIW... Cousin Brody!
King: Here's number two from TIW, Cousin Brody!
Hawke: Let's see how the connection between the two is. I know Daddy Sokolov was from TIW as well.
Cousin Brody slides into the ring and immediately is face to face with Daddy Sokolov. They're just staring face to face, looking for something to happen. A fight is about to break out. They just know it. They then pull their fists back... and turn to the right. They find Alex Jones just getting up to their feet and double clothesline him! They begin to wreck havoc upon him. Elsewhere in the ring, Hardcore Harry gets a break. Him swinging his legs bought him some time as he donkey kicked Gravedigger. He was able to go back to his feet headbutted La Parka by butting him with his head. Hardcore Harry gets back firmly in the ring. In his pig costume, he goes on all fours and circles around the ring, oinking.
King: What the hell is going on with Harry?
Hawke: He's lost his mind - not that he ever had it.
Hardcore Harry's mild oinking soon exacerbates to a deafening squeal of rage. He looks and turns to Gravedigger who has had it. He lowers and widens his stance at Harry comes charging at him. As they make contact, Gravedigger picks up Harry high in the air in a powerbomb position. Hardcore Harry's weight, however, forces Gravedigger up against the ropes. The weight is too much for him and he's barely able to keep him up off the ground. Gravedigger and Harry goes over the ropes and Gravedigger converts the powerbomb into his rock bottom into his finisher that he calls Sky High! They both hit the ground and apparently at the same time.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, our two eliminations tied for fourth are Gravedigger and Hardcore Harry!
King: Oh my lord! They're both eliminated! Thirteen years later and history has repeated itself!
Hawke: Harry hit the floor first! I just know it! ...right?
Harry and Gravedigger immediately push each other on their way to the back as they argue about who hit the ground first. They do this all the way until the referees force them all to the back. While we may never hear the end of it, something else happens. What you may ask? Well... BUZZ!
All About the Benjamins by Puff Daddy plays and GQ Money comes out, dancing on his way out.
King: Another member of Kanyon Enterprise is coming to the ring! GQ Money is here and is about to join his partner La Parka in holy wrestlemoney!
Hawke: ...Did you seriously just using wedding terminology in the wrestling ring? Anyway, GQ Money is here and is here as entrant number fifteen!
GQ Money runs into the ring and finds opposition entering the ring. Namely in the faces of Daddy Sokolov and Cousin Brody. Cousin Brody sees the masked member of Kanyon Enterprise, La Parka. He encourages to join in the beating. La Parka responds, "No, gracias. Este caballero es un compañero de equipo mío." Cousin Brody then responds. "ILLEGAL! GET OUTTA DIS HERE COUNTRY!" He then immediately begins to start attacking La Parka. Daddy Sokolov joins in with Brody, albeit with a little less vigor. The two was able to get La Parka down to the canvas. GQ Money tries to grab the two guys off of La Parka, but Daddy Sokolov throws a hard elbow and knocks GQ Money flat on his ass.
Hawke: Wow. You would think that during all this time between the XHF and the XHF Network, Money could have wrestled and increased his toughness.
King: Hey! I'm the always guy to talk first!
Suddenly, Michael Storm and Felix Venta appear. They take the two off of La Parka and start to beat on both of them. They both knock them back until they are at the ropes. They then Irish Whip off the ropes and at the center, they collide until meet and both fall at the center. The people cheer. Michael Storm smiles and turns around. That's when he gets met with a superkick in the face by none other than Jackson Steele! Jackson looks down with a grimace on his face. He picks up the number one entrant from the rumble and he begins to push him against the ropes, picking up his legs and trying to force him out of the ring.
King: Such hatred! My word! Jackson Steele really has some resentment against his former friend, Michael Storm!
Hawke: What do you expect? He took his title shot!
King: I thought you don't care about the AWF...
Hawke: I don't! It's trash! Someone told me about that! ...Yeah!
Michael Storm is struggling against the ropes as the countdown continues for spot number 16:
...Five!
...Four!
...Three!
...Two!
...One!
BUZZ!
Big Booty Bitches from Crizzly plays and out walks Michael Clarke Duncan. He waves to the people before rushing to the ring. Immediately upon entering the ring, he rushes past all of the wrestlers meeting him with punches like Alex Jones and Felix Venta. He rushes straight to Jackson Steele and takes him down with a back body drop. Steele hits hard and his widen as he sees Duncan, another man he used to call a friend. Michael Clarke Duncan gets back to his feet and does a little jig on the canvas. He quickly rushes over to Michael Storm who is at the ropes. Storm looks at him but is having a mental freak out. He nearly eliminates himself in the process of seeing Michael Clarke Duncan, his old friend, due to his recent side effects from his CTE, where he has been imagining him. Since he last threatened to kill MCD, this is the first time that he has seen him in real life and not imagining it. His old friend offers him a smile, but it does not pacify the XHF Hardcore Icon.
King: It's Michael Clarke Duncan! I love him! He's here to help his best friend!
Hawke: Too lucky, considering AWF trash don't need any more than their fifteen minutes of fame. Especially since this match has gone on for nearly an hour at this point.
Duncan moves toward Storm without his consent and throws him back into the ring. As soon as he brought Storm in, he gets attacked in the back by Jackson. Michael Clarke Duncan gets a punch to the face. Then another. Then another that sends him against the ropes. Jackson moves forward, but Duncan is quick enough to duck that. He quickly turns around and runs forward. With all his might, he clotheslines Jackson Steele and sends both himself and the first and current AWF Champion out of the ropes and onto the floor! The people gasp!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, our next two eliminations are Michael Clarke Duncan and Jackson Ste-
Bonnie is forced to stop as the referee vigorously shakes his head and throws his arms horizontally. Bonnie checks with the referee.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, please forgive my last announcement! At this time, only Michael Clarke Duncan has been eliminated. While Jackson Steele has been thrown over the top rope and is outside of the ring, his feet have not touched the ropes. He is still in this match!
Indeed, she is correct. The feet of Jackson Steele are vertical and leaning against the side of the apron. However, Jackson is FAR from being out of the woods. Everyone in the ring are aware of Steele's predicament and some are even willing to try to push him out. Suddenly, there is a BUZZ!
Spyderpussy by Pornosonic plays and out runs eXXXstacy, scrambling to save Jackson. In the ring, Alex Jones does a baseball slide to knock the feet of Jackson Steele away, but he's able to adjust himself and slide a few inches to the right. However, he's clearly not able to hold this up for much longer. Luckily, eXXXstacy is running down. As Michael Clarke Duncan walks back up the ramp to go back to the locker room, he turns his head back to look at eXXXstacy's ass, as is typical for him. His hands does a grabbing gesture and he wants to say or do something, but holds himself back. Back to eXXXstacy. She grabs Jackson by his shoulders and tries to lift him up so that she can slide him back to the ring, but Alex Jones grabs the legs again. He spins the body of Jackson and pushes him out. This time, he lands on eXXXstacy. She tries to carry his weight, but is unable to. She falls back, knowing if she does, Jackson's feet would touch the ground. She falls back and...
King: Michael Clarke Duncan! He caught both eXXXstacy and Jackson!
Hawke: Why could he be doing that? Just a few moments ago, he tried to eliminate Jackson Steele.
Michael Clarke Duncan picks up the weight of both of them and throws him inside of the ring. Michael Clarke Duncan has a grin on his face and incidentally, eXXXstacy looks a bit annoyed, even despite the help.
King: Oh... I now know why MCD helped them... It wasn't about helping them at all.
Hawke: It... It's not?
King: No. He picked eXXXstacy up by her ass! He was just groping her and making it seemed like he was here to help! MCD is just being a creep!
Hawke: You're saying AWF hires creeps and deviants? I'm shocked.
eXXXstacy and Jackson Steele are now in the ring, but can't relax. Not just because of the wrestlers now in the ring, but because of the BUZZ!
Seven Nation Army (Tron Mix) by White Stripes play and out comes Nano-Tron. He strikes a pose before running down to the ring.
King: Shogun-Tron isn't alone! His buddy Nano-Tron has come to help out!
Hawke: Now the Trons and Kanyon Enterprise both share two members!
Nano-Tron slides into the ring and finds Alex Jones and Dylan Black stomping on Shogun-Tron. Nano throws an axe handle onto AJ. He turns around and tries to throw a fist back, but Nano-Tron ducks it. He slides between Alex Jones and Dylan Black and throws a punch to Dylan. Dylan immediately throws a STIFF punch, but Nano-Tron ducks it. The punch from Dylan actually hits Alex Jones and knocks him down to his ass. Nano-Tron gets back up and hits a drop-sault to Dylan Black, finally helping him up. With all immediate threats neutralized, Nano-Tron helps his team-mate, Shogun-Tron. The two share a firm handshake and look to take on everyone else in the ring.
King: Now that's teamwork! Joey, why can't you be more altruistic like the trons?
Hawke: I'm grumpy about executive business stuff. You wouldn't understand.
Shogun-Tron gets to his feet but has little time to relax as La Parka goes on the offensive and starts throwing punches to Shogun-Tron. Likewise, Nano-Tron has to deal with GQ Money. The two stables have to fight among one another, not only to prove themselves as the greatest stable in the XHF Network, but also to go one step further to be named the winner of the XHF Rumble. La Parka has been getting a slight edge onto Shogun-Tron, but on the other hand, the inexperienced GQ Money is having great trouble keeping himself in the game with the fresh addition of Nano-Tron. Suddenly, there is a resounding BUZZ!
The Ecstasy of Gold by Ennio Morricone played throughout the speakers.
King: That's the GUNS theme. Who could it be? Venom? James Mueller? Charlie Velez?
Then suddenly, a ROAR echoed throughout the arena.
Hawke: Does that answer your question, King?
Goldbear rushes into the ring. Everyone stops what they were doing. They no longer try to eliminate anyone else. This time, it's Goldbear II and they know that when he is in town, there is no other. As Goldbear comes in, he slashes his claws at Cousin Brody and takes him down. Then he takes down Daddy Sokolov. Felix Venta runs up to him and starts throwing down axe handles, but it does virtually nothing to the giant beast. Goldbear headbutts Felix Venta so hard that he falls between the top and middle rope. This isn't an elimination, obviously, but hard enough for him to possibly suffer a broken rib or two. Goldbear suddenly rises up on his two hind legs and releases another loud ROARRRRR.
King: How did they allow this beast to get into the rumble? Who could possibly take him down?
Hawke: King, it's the XHF. Mongo, in his infinite wisdom, knows that this is what the people want!
Both Kanyon Enterprise and The Trons start going after Goldbear II in a massive onslaught. For anyone else, Goldbear would be in a world of pain.
But Goldbear II isn't anyone else.
He spins around in a circle with his paw out, looking to take anyone who dares lay in his path. La Parka jumps backward to narrowly dodge his blow. Shogun-Tron back-flips and Nano-Tron splits to dodge the attacks. However, poor GQ Money was struck by the paw. The velocity and power sent him across the ring. He strikes Jackson Steele on his way to the corner. The two fall forward. However, there is a big problem.
eXXXstacy.
She's in the ring. If there's one important face to learn from the movie Anchorman, it's that bears that sense females, possibly from their menstruation. He sniffs around and tracks her. He's going after her and Jackson Steele is in no position to save her! He begins to march forward toward her, but then someone saves her! Alex Jones jumps from behind and shoves Goldbear's face to the canvas in a bulldog-like move! It actually works! Goldbear II's face hits the ground. Sure, he forgets about eXXXstacy for now, but his anger only grows stronger. He goes toward AJ Phoenix. All hope seems lost. That's when...
BUZZ!
No World for Tomorrow by Coheed and Cambria blasts throughout the speakers.
King: That's Charlie Velez! He has finally returned! Oh, I remember him from the good old days! People actually worshipped him!
Hawke: Many have rated him as the best wrestler in the XHF never to win the XHF Championship! But wait... Where is he?
The people refuse to believe it, but they don't see the famous wrestler step out. That's when the Xtreme Tron switches to Charlie Velez on the street next to a black Lincoln MKZ.
Velez: You really want to charge me DOUBLE for this Uber?
Driver: I apologize, sir, but with the XHF Rumble happening, everyone is trying to get an Uber.
Velez: Look, I'm IN the XHF Rumble! You can't cheap skate me like this.
Driver: Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't control the prices. It's all done by the company.
Velez: Forget it. You just lost a customer.
The screen fades to black. The people in the audience audibly grumble among one another.
King: What... What's happening?
Hawke: I guess... I guess Charlie Velez isn't coming?
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, unfortunately due to the inability to enter the ring, Charlie Velez has been disqualified.
Back in the ring, Goldbear II gets back on his hind-legs and then towers down over Alex Jones. He takes him down to his back and begins to maul him, leaving him kicking and screaming. After tearing him down to the point of blood, Goldbear II has earned his fill. He grabs AJ Phoenix and sends him over the ropes and down to the floor to be eliminated.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Alex Jones has been eliminated!
Hawke: And there goes the former XHF, former X*Crown Champion!
King: And he lasted almost an entire hour! This match is crazy. Felix Venta, Michael Storm and Jackson Steele have spent at least an hour in the ring. The latter two as well as the match having lasted for over an hour and ten minutes!
After the onslaught carried earlier before the elimination of Alex Jones, nearly everyone got their asses handed to them by Goldbear II and even the large beast himself is winded. However, few are even able to stand to their feet. Yet, there people are. Cousin Brody, the typical redneck and the African-American Michael Storm find themselves as unlikely allies in order to take down this non-human threat. And when we say non-human, we aren't talking about Brody's possible views of Storm. Anyway, Michael Storm immediately jumps and sends a spinning roundhouse kick to Goldbear II. This forces Goldbear to rotate his body to the left where Cousin Brody stands at the ready and shoves fist after fist to Cousin Brody's chest. While he does this, Michael Storm runs to the ropes. Goldbear II is able to regain his momentum and backhand Cousin Brody to the floor. Then, Michael Storm rebounds from the ropes with a springboard flying headscissors! But wait! Goldbear reverses it to a powerbomb! Michael Storm goes down like a ton of bricks! Then - BUZZ!
King: I wonder who it could be!
Hawke: And even more-so, who the hell could take down Goldbear?
Crushed by Parkway Drive hits the PA system and out walks Spike Kane.
King: Spike Kane! He's our #21 entrant! He's also the winner of the 2006 XHF Rumble!
Hawke: Well there's one Network head that has the balls to show up. I don't see Felix Ziko having the balls to come down here.
King: So you think Mongo will show up?
Hawke: Are you kidding me? A man like Mongo has far more better things to do than risk his magnificent mind among these mundane oafs.
Spike Kane enters the ring and immediately sets his eyes on the behemoth in the ring, Goldbear II. The colossal bear senses the new enemy and sniffs him. Spike doesn't let the beast do what beasts do, this case being assing the threat. No, instead he smacks his nose. Goldbear doesn't like this. Not one bit. He immediately lets out a rage-filled roar. Spike Kane retreats his hand... only to boldly throw a fist to punch Goldbear straight in the face. Goldbear II actually falls to the mat! He quickly gets up and stares at Spike with a surprised look on his face. It's unclear whether he's hurt, impressed or surprised, but he's finding himself unable to immediately able to react. After all, not many men or beasts have either been able or willing to do what Spike has just done. Goldbear decides to react and he does so by throwing a punch back to Spike, which nearly brings him to a horizontal axis. Spike manages to catch himself before the fall and he recomposes himself. He finds a little bit of blood by his bottom lip. With a smile, he wipes it off.
King: It looks like Goldbear has found a friend!
Hawke: Maybe not a friend, but someone who could handle on an even-playing field.
Spike Kane widens his stance and looks up to Goldbear. With a smile, he screams, "SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!" Goldbear walks forward, and that's when there's that ever so fateful BUZZ!
Ladies and Gentlemen by Saliva blast and out runs Joe Everyman.
King: Joe Everyman is back! He fights for every man! He's an XHF hero!
Hawke: And we were able to get him here for one night!
Joe Everyman rushes into the ring and takes a look at Goldbear and Spike Kane in the ring. Joe looks over to Spike and motions to say, "I have this." Spike shakes his head and immediately, Joe Everyman starts throwing punches to Spike Kane. Spike tries to fight back, but Joe Everyman unleashes a barrage of fists to force him to the corner. While the two fight among one another, Goldbear II turns around... and finds Daddy Sokolov mid-air with the crotch chops and lands with his elbow on the back of Goldbear. DONG DROP! DONG DROP! Goldbear lands down. Daddy Sokolov throws his arms in the air and screams, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY!?" The people pop. Daddy Sokolov looks around the other people in the ring, still trying to get to their feet. They wave them over.
King: What's he doing?
Hawke: Oh... He's trying to get people to help throw Goldbear over.
King: WHAT!?
Despite the incredulous look on King's face, people are beginning to turn. The people, like Felix Venta, Michael Storm, Jackson Steele, Trons and Kanyon Enterprise alike are slowly coming to Daddy Sokolov's aid. They grab Goldbear and begin to push him to the ropes before he can recover. Goldbear soon realizes what's happening. He begins to roar and fight back, but Shogun-Tron delivers a round-house kick to the face. GQ Money headbutts him in the stomach. Heck, even Jackson Steele hits Goldbear with the POP SHOT in order to subdue Goldbear enough. The beast is nearly a ton, but he's pushed up against the ropes. That's when...
BUZZ!
Out of the Black by Royal Blood plays and James Mueller walks into view. He looks to the group of people harming Goldbear. They stop momentarily to Mueller, who find him raising his index finger up in the air and wagging it left to right.
King: If anyone here is going to want to help Goldbear, it's this man.
Hawke: It looks like the GUN SHOW is about to hit the XHF Rumble!
The people ultimately realize what's happening and strive even harder to push Goldbear II off and so get Goldbear so that his front half of his body is over the ropes. Goldbear II's feet kick, trying to stay in the ring. As he hangs upside down, he sees Mueller enter the ring and he begins to smile. Then, his will to survive in the match is rejuvenated and he works hard to stay in. As Mueller get in, half of the people on Goldbear leave to try to eliminate the threat. It's essentially everyone who is part of a stable. Shogun-Tron runs to James Mueller, but Mueller responds with a clothesline. Nano-Tron goes after Mueller with a dropkick, but he side-steps the dropkick and pushes him toward the ropes, causing the ropes to hit him between the legs, where the sun doesn't shine. When he turns around, he gets kicked in the stomach by both La Parka and GQ Money. The two pick him up in the air for a double suplex, but Mueller stops mid-air. He finds his way to his feet and lifts up the two members of Kanyon Enterprise for a double suplex of other sorts! James Mueller manages to hit a double suplex on GQ Money and La Parka, sending those two over the top rope and out of the ring! Mueller just eliminated all of the in-ring members of Kanyon Enterprise in a single swoop!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, both GQ Money and La Parka are eliminated!
James Mueller gets up and finds Goldbear finally getting onto his feet. Or rather, paws. Goldbear is running a bit low on juice. He weakly swipes at Joe Everyman and Felix Venta. However, the weak state is weak compared to normal Goldbear strength. You'd be a fool to think those swipes weren't enough to knock those two flat on their ass. Goldbear makes his way to Mueller, who pats his furry friend on the top of his head. The crowd chants along with the countdown:
...FIVE
...FOUR
...THREE
...TWO
...ONE
BUZZ!
Come and Get Your Love by Redbone plays and out walks a tree. A fucking tree.
King: I am Groot!
Hawke: No you're not. You're king. Stop lying to me.
Groot makes his way over to the ring. As he gets inside, which admittedly is a bit slow, he finds a little raccoon that jumps off his shoulder and stands at the turnbuckle, offering encouragement and support. Upon entering the ring, he throws a clothesline to Michael Storm, but the quick moving original XHFer ducks it. He jumps on the ropes and springboards off with a spinning heel. However, Groot is a tree. He's a fucking tree and trees don't go down just like that. Don't believe me? Read a science book, dickwad. Storm falls down and rolls around in the ring for a safe haven. Groot thinks that he has the upper hand, and that's when Goldbear II strikes! He throws his paw sideways and hits Groot. Groot goes down... and so does Goldbear! James Mueller cocks his head with some confusion. He inspects the damage and finds that Goldbear II has a splinter. He roars in anguish and Mueller shakes his head.
King: Goldbear has a splinter! He's down! How heartless of him!
Hawke: You do know that Goldbear is the one that attacked him, right?
King: He was just trying to climb him! You know that bears love to climb trees!
Hawke: ...
James Mueller is trying to help remove the splinter from Goldbear II's paw, but the grizzly bear is roaring in protest. Mueller is trying to convince the bear that he's not trying to hurt him and reluctantly, Goldbear allows him into his pained area. Mueller grabs the paw with one hand and the broken piece of wood with another. He begins to pull... and that's when Dylan Black strikes! He jumps over Mueller and takes him down with a DDT! The splinter DOES come out at the same time, but due to the unexpected movement, it comes out in the most painful way. Neither Mueller nor Goldbear II is able to immediately respond despite how much they want to. Especially considering the BUZZ!
Seven Nation Army (Tron Remix) by The White Stripes Play and out walks Techno-Tron!
King: Which Tron is it? WHICH TRON IS IT!?
Hawke: Can't you see? It's Techno-Tron. It says it right there. Plus, three Trons have already walked out. It's not like there can be that many more.
King: Ah! I can see! Techno-Tron is our 25th entry!
Hawke: ...Do you even acknowledge my existence?
At this point, Cousin Brody has been beating on Nano-Tron. Shogun-Tron shoulder blocks Cousin Brody, which staggers him back. But Brody quickly recovers, and pushes back much harder. Cousin Brody laughs as he grabs both Nano-Tron and Shogun-Tron, but Techno-Tron enters the ring! He dropkicks Brody at the back of his knees, forcing him down with his chin on top of the bottom rope. Shogun-Tron steps back a foot back while Techno and Nano both kick Cousin Brody to his chest forcing him back. Shogun-Tron quickly catches him and throws him over the top ropes. He lands outside of the ring and is, thus, eliminated! Cousin Brody begins yelling and swearing, but the referees quickly get on him and escort him to the back.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Cousin Brody has been eliminated!
King: Well all good things must come to an end.
Hawke: Like The Trons? There are three of them in the ring and there are much more coming out. Maybe Spike Kane can stop dicking around and take them out.
Spike Kane does decide to stop dicking around. He takes advantage of the compromising position of both Nano-Tron and Techno-Tron. He quickly double clotheslines them BOTH outside of the ring and over the top ropes, but the two, fortunately for them, land on their feet still on the apron. Shogun-Tron quickly sees what happens and pushes Spike Kane toward the ropes. This allows Techno and Nano to throw a punch each to Spike and sends him down onto his back. Then BUZZ!
The metal remix of Kiss From A Rose plays and out runs Jeffrey Viper, a former member within AWF and a former General Manager of Rise Up.
King: Jeffrey Viper! Better known as Dylan Black's bitch from what I hear.
Hawke: No kidding...
As Jeffrey runs down the ring, he yells, "DYLAN, MY SON! COME HERE AND LOVE M-"
He stops as the incline down to the ring causes him to misstep and fall down, faceplanting in front of the near hundred-thousand people in the Madrid Royal Palace. The people aren't quite sure whether to laugh at him or look down and pretend not to see it because that's just so... bad.
King: That's... embarrassing.
Hawke: His facial features are embarrassing. That combined with the way he acts and finally this is grounds for even a suicide hotline worker to make an exception at their job.
Jeffrey Viper gets up and shakes off the little bump on his noggin, as well as the shame. (He doesn't succeed in shaking off the shame and technically, the bruise will still be there for a few days. The doctor recommends ice then heat. Let's see if he follows through). He slides into the ring and immediately finds Joe Everyman in front of him. He ducks a clothesline and flies past him since Joe Everyman isn't any of his concern. He ventures forward and finds Felix Venta. He dodges a punch and immediately finds Dylan Black, surprising him with a spear. As he spears him, which is his finishing move, he immediately starts screaming, "THIS FINISHING MOVE IS CALLED FISTING YOU WITH MY BODY!" The people are baffled as they see what is unfolding before their very eyes.
King: I feel like I'm in some sort of surreal alternate universe or something.
Hawke: News flash Viper, if you have to yell out the name of your finisher as you're performing it, maybe you have no brand recognition!
Jeffrey Viper is currently unleashing a torrent and a barrage of swings to Dylan Black. He's stopped, however, when James Mueller gets up and grabs a hold of Viper, because even he knows that child abuse is wrong, despite the fact that Dylan has reached the age of majority. Viper keeps trying to move forward, but is being held back... then held down when Goldbear unleashes a roar and pushes down the fat man. Then we have a resounding BUZZ throughout the arena.
Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes (Of course, Tron-Remix) plays.
King: There's only one Tron left. Mini-Tron! They're together!
Hawke: This ring is effectively pretty much 25% Trons now!
Mini-Tron enters the ring. As the shortest and smallest Tron, a bunch of people line up to whoop his ass, but the rest of the Trons join him in the center of the ring. Shogun-Tron, Nano-Tron and Techno-Tron pose alongside their short companion and they all face Goldbear II. That's when the lights dim with a spotlight shining down on The Trons and Goldbear. Suddenly, the Beverly Hills Cop theme song plays. If you don't know it, it's essentially this:
King:v What the hell is going on here?
Hawke: What the [REDACTED}?
From left to right, the order goes: Nano-Tron, Shogun-Tron, Mini-Tron, Techno-Tron. Shogun and Mini step forward and let loose. They then start doing the worm. While they do that, Nano and Techno begin doing cartwheels back and forth. After the worm, Shogun and Mini start doing back flips while Techno and Nano do the windmill. They continue on and on with their breakdancing for the next minute or so, eliciting a large amount of cheers from the audience. Their synchronization is perfect and their rhythm is on point. There are even some voices from the back yelling, "YOU'RE GETTING SERVED!" As they finish, they all go back to back with their arms crossed. The spotlight suddenly goes onto Goldbear II's plate, prompting a response from him. Goldbear knows what's going on. He's not stupid like Bobby is in real life. Goldbear begins to sway from left to right. His hips move to the beat and the music changes from that to Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf, as shown here:
Goldbear II raises himself to his hind feet. He begins to do some bad ass footwork on the ring. He even does the robot, but as soon as he puts one of his front paws on the mat for an L-kick (which looks like this:
,) it's only then when he remembers that he's resting his ENTIRE weight on his paw. And not just any paw, it's the paw with the splinter. Goldbear falls to the mat and all the music stops. The lighting moves back to normal and unleashes his inhuman, beastly rage on all of the Trons. He grabs Techno-Tron by the throat and he throws him out of the ring. He then clotheslines Shogun-Tron and Nano-Tron out of the ring, although Shogun-Tron skins the cat and catches himself before he could be eliminated. He then looks to Mini-Tron, who promptly gets so scared he moves to eliminate himself. Except being as short as he is, he takes a long time to actually go over the top rope. It's actually quite adorable, really. I wish you could see it the way I do, his stubby legs trying desperately to get over the top ropes but it doesn't work on the first try. Anyway, he eventually goes over. Goldbear II then releases a vicious roar to the crowd as he re-establishes dominance despite losing the dance-off. Evidently, that dance-off meant a lot to him.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Techno-Tron, Nano-Tron and Mini-Tron are eliminated!
And immediately after is a BUZZ.
King: I can't believe it! We have a dance-off right here at the Madrid arena at the Rumble!
Hawke: But I'm more curious over who's going to be our next entrant!
Motherfucker of the Year by Motley Crue plays and the person who walks out is none other than the former AWF Champion and arguable leader of the Icons - Bobby Barratt!
King: Bobby Barratt! The self-proclaimed leader of the Icons!
Hawke: Another AWF reject, but at least he took over the AWF so I can't hate him THAT much. You can consider this as my support for ICW or whatever it's called.
Bobby Barratt makes his way into the ring with a smug bend on his face. He walks in and corners Jackson Steele, who is taking a moment to rest as he has spent quite a long time within the ring. Well it turns out that being against the corner and spending well over an hour and a half isn't good when someone who has been your mortal enemy for nearly six months comes in. Bobby shoves his boot against Jackson's chin. Jackson begins groaning in pain. Hell, at this time, he's already tapping out but there's only one way in order to get out of this match and slapping your hands against the ring canvas isn't part of it! Elsewhere, James Mueller held Jeffrey Viper back enough for Dylan to get back onto his feet. He has started to shove a STIFF knee into Jeffrey Viper's gut. Mueller lets go and Jeffrey Viper falls to his knees and then to his stomach. With Jeffrey Viper and Jackson Steele both in a great deal of pain, the world weeps as the two best wrestlers in history are suffering.
Hawke: No one's believing you, Kuroi.
King: Kuroi's going to be in this match?
Hawke: No... just breaking the fourth wall.
Jeffrey Viper gets back on his knees to try to get back to his feet, but Dylan Black shoves his foot forward and nearly wipes the scum off the bottom with Viper's face. He falls onto his back and Dylan gets Viper on his feet, just to start pushing him against the ropes. Jeffrey Viper tries as hard as he can, but Dylan is younger, filled with vigor and rage because he has an asshole of a father. Also, it hasn't been long since he was a teenager and people in that age range tend to be quite angsty. Dylan Black is causing his alleged father to go over the top ropes. Not over and out of the ring, but literally quite against the upper side of the ropes. Viper is screaming, pushing against Dylan and trying to stay in the ring. That's when BUZZ!
When Johnny Comes Marching Home by The Mitch Miller Chorus
King: This... I don't recognize this theme song either.
Hawke: Probably someone new. I wouldn't worry.
King: WAIT IT'S...
...Out runs Henry Viper, Jeffrey Viper's older brother! The people don't know how to process this information. Henry Viper runs out to the entrance way, pausing to scream and point at the fans. He throws his arms up in the air... all while younger brother Jeffrey Viper is fighting and scratching and clawing to remain in the ring. Henry Viper looks to his younger brother, needing desperate help. ...He then runs to the side of the entrance way and poses and takes a moment to slap hands with the fans on that side. Jeffrey Viper sees him. He screams at him, "FUCKING HELP ME!" Henry Viper smiles at him... then begins to retie his boot laces, because safety is important.
King: I don't think he's here to help his brother.
Hawke: They're brothers. They're meant to be dicks to each other.
Henry Viper walks to the ring like it's a leisurely walk in the park. He suddenly does enter the ring and looks to his brother. "Jeffrey! Do you need help?" he asks, but Jeffrey stares a death glare and yells, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK!?" Henry turns his head and brings his hand to his ear, pretending not to hear him. After all, there are a lot of people in the ring. It's sometimes very hard to hear. Jeffrey should speak up. Anyways, elsewhere in the ring, Felix Viper suddenly surprises Henry Viper from an attack to the side. However, Felix Venta spent nearly two hours in the ring and so his attacks are much weaker than normal and Henry isn't that damaged. Rather, he's upset. Annoyed. The elder Viper brother throws him over the top rope and eliminates him!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Felix Venta has been eliminated!
King: Felix Venta was here for well over an hour and a half! He may quite possibly be the only GXW-entry in the XHF Rumble, but he certainly did a great job!
Hawke: He even did better than AJ Phoenix!
Henry Viper lost his good mood and came up behind Dylan Black. He picks him up and hits him with a back body drop. This allows Jeffrey Viper to get back to his feet. Jeff and Henry do a fist bump. Then a handshake. Then they stretch their hands out behind them and do a jumping chest bump.
Hawke: I feel like these two grew up in a household where they had an uncle that loved them TOO much.
King: Hey look! Our next entrant!
BUZZ!
"Story" into "Cosmic Explorer" Both By Perfume play and Yuki Sakaraba jumps out into view. She smiles and points to herself before running out. Jeffrey and Henry Viper look toward one another and begins holding hands up to each other. Jeffrey's hands have eight fingers. Henry's hands have six fingers. They both say something toward one another and average it out to seven fingers. Dylan Black gets back to his feet. Jeff and Henry both grabbed Dylan and threw him out of the ring and over the ropes-WAIT! Dylan lands on the apron, but Jeff and Henry don't see it. They both give each other another handshake - high-five - fist-bump - flying chest-bump combo. Taking advantage of their ignorance, Dylan jumps forward with a springboard dropkick, but Jeffrey Viper sees this at the last moment! He ducks it, and the dropkick hits Henry Viper! Jeffrey Viper begins laughing at the misfortune of both Dylan and Henry... until the younger Viper brother gets taken down by a flying head scissors by Yuki Sakaraba!
Hawke: Everyone's going down!
King: Hell - Jeffrey Viper is a bad brother AND father! It's not like I'm surprised or anything, though.
Yuki Sakaraba quickly gets up. She runs to the ropes and springboards off with a lionsault-like move, but Henry quickly counters with a FIST TO WHERE THE SUN DOESN'T SHINE! This would normally, without question, be a disqualification but as stated earlier, there's only one way to be eliminated and it's over the ropes! Henry Viper quickly gets up and begins to repeatedly crouch over Yuki. In the internet community, this act is commonly referred to as tea bagging. Jeffrey Viper quickly gets to his feet... by way of Dylan Black. He begins to push Jeffrey Viper out of the ring again. Viper is screaming as he's trying to call out to Henry Viper, but Henry keeps saying, "JEFF! LOOK AT THIS!" Jeff responds, "THAT'S FUNNY AS HELL, BUT I NEED YOUR-"
BUZZ!
"'ING HELP RIGHT NOW!"
King: Nice buzz-censor.
Hawke: But who's our 31st entrant?
Supermassive Black Hole by Muse plays and out walks Terry Bradshaw. Or rather, rolls... Terry Bradshaw rolls into view... from a shopping cart.
King: ...
Hawke: ...
Bradshaw: PUSH ME! I DIDN'T KI-... CONVINCE MUSE TO TAKE A LONG VACATION JUST TO DISRESPECT THIS THEME. COME ON, YOU RAT BASTARD. PUSH ME!
CK Owens grabs the shopping cart filled with Bradshaw and pushes him down the ramp. With momentum and the increased force and all that, he slams into the side of the ring, closest to Jeffrey Viper. Terry Bradshaw begins laughing. "Shit! That was fun!" Everybody in the audience rolls their eyes as Terry Bradshaw is taking yet something else completely non-seriously. In the ring, Henry Viper looks over to his brother, Jeffrey. He says, "Come on! Join me! Don't be a little bitch!" Jeffrey is, however, livid. He responds, "I WOULD IF I COULD! NOW GET ME OUT SO I CAN JOIN YOU!" Henry shakes his head, becoming visibly frustrated. "Excuses! Excuses! No wonder you're the failed Viper brother!" Dylan Black is suddenly even more angry, pushing harder. "WILL YOU BOTH JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!?" This gets Henry upset. He pauses in the tea bagging.
King: We did NOT come here for family drama.
Hawke: But look what's happening out of the ring.
The referees walk up to Terry Bradshaw. They tell him that he has to enter the ring. Terry laughs and says that he'll come in when he's ready. The referees then state that there are time limits and that if he doesn't get there within the next ten seconds, he's eliminated. Terry waves them off. He's trying to get out of the shopping cart so that he can enter the ring. Henry Viper gets up to walk over to his brother to help him out. He steps forward but right before he can reach his brother, Terry Bradshaw, from outside of the ring, sees the leg of Jeffrey Viper. The obese and senile, old, geriatric fart finally grabs a hold of the leg in order gain leverage. He pulls... and gets himself out of the shopping cart! However, in the process, he pulls Jeffrey Viper by the leg, which topples him over the top rope and landing outside of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Jeffrey Viper has been eliminated!
Jeffrey Viper looks up to Henry and begins yelling. "YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Henry responds by saying something very important. "
" Jeffrey Viper smiles back then turns to Terry Bradshaw. "HEY, YOU. ASSHOLE. YOU'RE GOING TO PAY." Terry Bradshaw looks down and realizes what he has done. "Oh, you're right, my boy. I have made a serious error. Allow me to compensate you for your troubles." Jeffrey Viper smiles, thinking that he's going to write a check as Terry Bradshaw reaches toward the inside-pocket of his suit jacket. Instead, he pulls out a taser. He brings it to Henry Viper and shocks him, the jolt sending him over the top rope.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Henry Viper has been eliminated!
Without any further delay, a BUZZ echoes throughout the ring.
King: I can't imagine anything crazier than this right now.
Hawke: Than Terry Bradshaw? Probably not.
All about the Benjamins by Puff Daddy plays. Out walks Obsidian eating a plastic tray full of nachos.
King: ...Still not crazier than Bradshaw.
Hawke: He's still eating nachos like this? How has he not had a heart attack yet?
Terry finds a lot of opposition entering the ring. He knocks down Michael Storm. He takes down Shogun-Tron. He finds Groot coming toward him, but pulls out a can of lysol and sprays it at him. Groot isn't directly affected by the spray as he doesn't have nasal receptors for it to overload, but as a tree, he is subject to being negatively affected by the thinning of the ozone layer so that forces him down. Then Obsidian comes to him. Terry Bradshaw looks to the plate of nachos and asks if he can have one. With a smile, Obsidian accepts the request to share one. However, because of the cheese, two of the nachos combine as one and Terry considers it one. Obsidian's eyes grow and he clotheslines Terry Bradshaw down to the mat!
King: Oh no! If there's one mistake you never make with Obsidian, it's never steel his nachos!
Hawke: Everyone knows if two nachos fuse as one, it's only one nacho!
Obsidian jumps around the ring in excitement, until he turns around and gets taken down with The Distortion Kick from Bobby Barratt! Bobby Barratt looks around and smiles. He goes up to James Mueller and starts to exchange punches while the countdown reaches zero:
...Five!
...Four!
...THREE!
...TWO!
...ONE!
BUZZ!
Gently by Slipknot begins to play and out walks the God Hyperion. Everyone in the ring immediately stops what they're doing, except Terry Bradshaw, who uses his thumb and index finger to make a circle and puts it near Joe Everyman's leg. They know Hyperion. Even people who haven't heard of Hyperion can just take a look at him and realize that he's big news. He's nearly seven feet tall and nearly three hundred pounds. When Joe looks, Terry pretends to hit - then hits twice for flinching. Hyperion walks down the ring. He climbs the stairs and then enters the ring by going over the top rope. Everyone goes to tackle him, but with a mere flex of his power, Hyperion screams and pushes everyone farther back. Groot charges Hyperion, but Hyperion grabs him by a branch and throws him over the rope in an extremely terrifying and commanding way. Hyperion screams. He's the king of the ring right now and he knows it.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Groot is eliminated!
King: Not Groot!
Hawke: Yikes.
Hyperion clothesline Michael Storm to the ground. Jackson Steele is already pretty much taken down, so he ignores him. He suplexes Shogun-Tron and clotheslines Daddy Sokolov. He then runs forward out of nowhere with such power. He dual-eliminates both Yuki Sakaraba and Joe Everyman with him performing a DOUBLE FIRST PRINCIPLE! They both go over the top rope and land outside of the ring, both feet touching the floor. Hyperion doesn't slow down at ALL - until he gets tackled to the ground by Goldbear.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Yuki Sakaraba and Joe Everyman are eliminated!
King: Hyperion is like a train!
Hawke: And he has only stopped because of such a dangerous beast, Goldbear.
King: That's a challenge that this self-proclaimed God isn't going to be able to refuse.
Hyperion gets back up to his feet and they look eye to eye. A fight is about to break loose. Then BUZZ!
Roar by Katy Perry plays and Alexis Grace jumps up, throwing her arms in the air to get a roar from the crowd - the pun was slightly intended.
King: And here is Alexis Rose! She was also part of the main event in Supremacy at the Crown of Blood match! There was an ocassion or two where she was almost the X*Crown Champion!
Hawke: But she didn't and until she can win something, she won't have my respect!
King: Who says she's looking for your respect?
Hawke: I did, because I'm a star!
Alexis Grace runs into the ring. She runs up to Terry Bradshaw and hits him with a flying head scissors, although he was staring at her rack and he has never before guarded himself around women putting their legs around his face. She runs up to Spike Kane and knocks him down with a flying shoulder block. She even finds eXXXstacy, who has been mainly hiding as to protect herself from the vehement attacks from everyone else going around her. She grabs eXXXstacy by the hair and begins to shove her face into the corner. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FI-eXXXstacy lifts up her leg to stop the attack, and throws an elbow back to Alexis. eXXXstacy runs back to her as she staggers around. She goes for a clothesline, but Alexis Grace drop kicks her right above her feet, knocking her to her knees. She then moves forward with a shining wizard that she calls The Irish Rose! eXXXstacy goes down!
Hawke: I forgot she was even in this match.
King: I did too! I think she was only here to help Jackson, but Alexis happened to see her! Then she knocked her down!
Alexis Grace works and when she works, she works quickly. She grabs eXXXstacy and brings her to her feet just so she can push her against the ropes. She almost has her when Jackson Steele pops in. Now normally unless it was spanking, Jackson would never hit a woman. Jackson put his hand on his shoulder, trying to rub it and caress it. After all, he's a lover. Not a fighter. Alexis Grace is disgusted and throws his hands off of her. Jackson would never hit a woman? Maybe in this case. Maybe... Jackson elbows Alexis Grace and takes her down with a Russian Leg Sweep, protecting eXXXstacy and saving her from falling out of the ring. Then - BUZZ!
Blood by The Dropkick Murphy plays and Mick Murphy fires out of the crowd toward the ring, all fired up.
King: Now that's a way to make an entrance into the XHF Network! Here is Mick Murphy, one of our newest signees. He just recently joined the AWF!
Hawke: And think about what kind of impression he'd make on the network if his first win was winning the XHF Rumble.
Mick Murphy enters the ring. He immediately goes into a boxing stance and sends a punch to floor Mueller. He turns around and nearly dodges a kick from Bobby Barratt. He counters by grabbing the leg and tossing him to Michael Storm on the other side. Murphy gets punched and taken down to a knee by Daddy Sokolov who comes from behind him, slicking his moustache and yelling, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY!?" Mick Murphy says "Me" just loud enough for him to hear. He follows through with a low blow, sending Daddy to his knees! Murphy grabs the former TIWer - now turned AWFer and throws him over the top rope. Sokolov manages to stay in the ring by grabbing the bottom rope. He turns just in time to see a springboard cross body by Shogun-Tron, but Murphy turns it into a power slam. Murphy throws his fists into the air like the champion he knows he is deep down inside!
King: This Mick Murphy is serious business! Am I right or am I right?
Hawke: Well remember that he still has to defeat every other competitor in this ring... and all the ones that haven't come out yet.
On the other side of the ring, Hyperion and Goldbear have been in intense competition. For the past two minutes, the two have been throwing blows. No one in this match, thus far, have been able to last with Goldbear for such a long time. Goldbear II has decided to kick it up a notch and took our his claws. He swiped and slashed at Hyperion. His nails were so sharp that the damage could be seen through the metal armor that Hyperion regularly wears. Hyperion, out of instinct, brings up his foot and takes down Goldbear II with a big boot. Then BUZZ!
...Nothing. No one comes out. The people in the audience mutter among one another. They chat away, but eventually the match resumes normally.
King: That... was odd. I thought we were going to have a competitor.
Hawke: I'm sure we will in due time.
Goldbear gets knocked down. He charges at Hyperion and tackles him down like he's some sort of NFL star. However, speaking of NFL star, Terry Bradshaw jumps on Goldbear's back. Somehow, he pulls a cowboy hat out of his ass. (Literally or metaphorically? You be the judge.) He treats Goldbear like he's some sort of bull and he's trying to hold on for eight seconds. Fortunately for Terry, he lasts eight AND A HALF seconds. Unfortunately for Terry, when Goldbear kicks his ass off, Terry gets kicked off so hard that he goes over the top ropes and out of the ring. Fortunately for Terry, he lands on the announcer table.
Hawke: You're not eliminated, are you?
Bradshaw: Of course not. I'm Terry FUCKIN' Bradshaw.
King: You're that good?
Bradshaw: No, that's not my name either. I'm Terry FUCKIN' Bradshaw!
King: Oh-ho! A pun!
Goldbear II smiles, seeing Terry kicked out and not being able to take advantage of him like some sort of trained donkey. Goldbear looks back and Hyperion is waiting for him. He picks up Goldbear by the neck and actually lifts him up off the ground.
Hawke: That's more than 500 pounds he's carrying!
King: How can he do that?
Bradshaw: That's not that much. Copycat's like double that weight and I almost lifted him up once.
James Mueller sees Goldbear in distressed. He runs up to Goldbear but Michael Storm comes up and hits the former XHF Champion with the Lie Detector that Storm calls Termination Projectile! Mueller hits the canvas hard and Hyperion hits Goldbear II with the double-arm stalling choke slam - THE HIGH ONE! GOLDBEAR II IS OVER THE ROPES AND OUT OF THE RING! The people can't believe it! The announcers can't believe it! Hell, even Hyperion is possible surprised with the fact that he's doing this! Everyone in the Madrid Palace Arena is getting out of their seats to see this astonishing feat!
Bonnie Jenkins: WOW! Ladies and gentlemen, Goldbear II is eliminated!
King: That's... one of the craziest things I have ever seen with my two eyes.
Hawke: I couldn't even see it! Terry's in the way! If you want to chat with us, at least take a seat.
Bradshaw: AND RISK MY TWO FEET TOUCHING THE FLOOR AND GETTING ELIMINATED? NO. I'M A WRESTLER, NOT AN ANNOUNCER. I SHOULD GUT YOU LIKE A FISH FOR THAT OUT OF PRINCIPLE!
Hawke: ...you'd save me the trouble of smelling your B-O that way.
Hyperion accomplished one of the most amazing feats ever accomplished at the XHF Rumble, but it took a lot out of Hyperion. So much so that he fell onto his knees, trying to get his breath. Then the BUZZ happened, and his heartbeat rose again.
King: Who's going to be #36... or #37?
Hawke: Yeah, the order is all screwed up.
Suddenly, the Back to the Future theme song plays. Out of nowhere by the entrance, a 1985 DeLorean DMC-12 appears out of nowhere. As it hits the ramp, the vehicle slams on the breaks and stops RIGHT before it can hit the ring. The gull-doors open and out walks both Dr. Emmett Brown and Marty McFly, respectively, entries number 36 and 37, respectively.
Marty: So this is the November 8, 2016 election, huh? The one where America elects Biff Tannen as President of the United States?
Marty pulls out a picture of his wallet and sees this:
Marty looks over to Doc, whose head is sticking into the vehicle.
Marty: What's up, Doc?
Dr. Emmett Brown: Don't use that joke, Marty! It's incredibly outdated and no one will like it in this time!
Marty: I wasn't making a joke. I was just asking what's going o-
Dr. Emmett Brown: Shut your candy ass, Marty! Like I was saying, in the year 2016, that joke is cliche and old as shit! But the issue is that we aren't in year 2016! We are actually in the year 2018! It looks like I need to recalibrate the time circuits!
Marty: Oh, I don't have time for that, Doc. I have to back to 1985 and get ready to go to prom with Jennifer!
Dr. Emmett Brown: Marty, don't be a bitch. We have a time machine here! Fixing the time circuits isn't even that complicated. The issue is that we've run out of plutonium and in order to produce the 1.21 gigawatts needed to fuel the flux capacitor needed to bring us to the real 2016 election, and we must try to get some in THIS time zone.
Doc and Marty turn their heads to the ring, where the 2018 XHF Rumble is obviously going on. They turn back to one another.
Marty: What's up with everyone here being half naked and fighting? Are they mad about something?
Dr. Emmett Brown: No, Marty! I think I know what's been doing on! When I first met you in 1955, you kept telling me about things being
heavy. Perhaps there started to be a change into the elctromagnetic sphere that changed the level of gravity and increased it so much that even clothes weigh too much! What a conundrum indeed!
Marty: Are... Are you sure? Perhaps they're just wrestl-
Dr. Emmett Brown: Maybe it used to be like that for a period of time before the Earth's natural equilibrium corrected itself, but the social custom remained. Either way, let's not offend everyone here. After all, we are visitors to their timeline and if we want to fix our own, we will need to learn how to get a hold of Biff!
Dr. Emmett Brown immediately starts taking off his shirt but Marty goes up and quickly pleads with him.
Marty: Oh God no, Doc! You're old as hell! Your skin is looser than my mom's vagina, and please don't ask me how I know that. Just know that she's a major whore in high school. Let's just go up to them and ask them where we can get some Plutonium. I don't think we can just go to Libya and pick some up there anymore.
Dr. Emmett Brown: I agree. I'm sure that the Middle East is a much more stable area now.
Doc and Marty both walk up the stairs and into the ring. Marty walks up to a wrestler.
Marty: Excuse me, sir. Do you know where we can find some Plutonium?
Steele: I don't know anything about Plutonium. I'm much more interested about your mother you were talking about. I'm sure I can make her feel tight.
Marty: OH MY GOD. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THAT!
Marty McFly pushed instinctively. Without thinking, Jackson pushes Marty back and with enough power to push him over the top rope and out of the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Marty McFly has been eliminated!
Dr. Emmett Brown's face goes agape as he sees this surprising act of violence. He nearly jumps half his height into the air as he hears a BUZZ.
Suddenly, Eye of the Tiger by Survivor plays and out walks "The Boyhood Dream" Doc! He runs to the ring and as soon as he does, Michael Storm turns to The Boyhood Dream.
Storm: Hey. What's up, Doc?
Doc: Not too much. Just looking to walk out of here as the champion.
Storm: Cool. Same here. Best of luck to you.
Doc: Yeah, same here.
Emmett Brown sees this and thinks to himself, "Maybe that isn't as old and cliche as I thought." He walks up to Dylan Black.
Dr. Emmett Brown: Excuse me, good sir. Where can I find some plutonium?
Dylan: I don't know. Go to a lab or something.
Dr. Emmett Brown: Ah, I see. I shall do that. By the way, would you like to hear a joke?
Dylan: ...Sure?
Dr. Emmett Brown What's up,
DOC!?Dylan: ...
Dylan shakes his head and turns away. He quickly turns back and kicks Dr. Emmett Brown in the stomach. He puts him in position for the Sunset Flip Piledriver that he calls Blackout... and he hits it! Dr. Emmett Brown leaps up into the air. Dylan kips up and in a smooth motion, leaps forward to clothesline him out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Emmett Brown has been eliminated!
King: I... I don't even know what's going on anymore.
Hawke: What do you think, Terry? ...Terry?
Joey Hawke looks next to him and finds Terry to be gone. He then looks in front of him to find Marty McFly and Doc Brown both out of the ring... and outside of the DeLorean that's currently reversing. Terry Bradshaw can be seen yelling out of the window. "I JUST THOUGHT OF A GREAT IDEA. I'M GOING TO THE PAST TO PUT ALL MY MONEY IN MUCINEX." Terry backs up and tries to do a three point turn but he reverses into a security barrier that falls over and crushes a bunch of fans. He then speeds forward toward the entrance. Seventy MPH. Eighty MPH. Eighty-Five MPH, EIGHTY-EI-Terry Bradshaw crashes into the entrance stage.
...BUZZ!
Tangaroa (God Of The Sea) by Tiki Taane plays as Taane runs into view. He avoids the property damage caused by Terry Bradshaw and makes his way to the ring.
King: His theme song is called God of the Sea? He doesn't think of himself as a God, does he?
Hawke: I think it's a song, although I think that Hyperion wouldn't be a fan.
It is unclear where this happened out of by reason or coincidence, but Taane came into the ring and immediately went after Hyperion, who is still recovering from the massive amount of energy he needed in order to lift Goldbear II out of the ring. He sends punch after punch to Hyperion, who is trying to make his way to his feet. Hyperion does and sends a massive forearm back to the Polynesian man. It staggers Taane back, who runs forward with a massive clothesline to Hyperion, even sending him down! He gets up and then takes down Alexis Grace, someone else in his way. Meanwhile elsewhere in the ring, Doc and Bobby Barratt go back and forth. The man who both share an enemy in M.G.K. is going back and forth with punches. They surprisingly appear evenly matched, even knocking each other down with their own fists. They get back to their feet with a kip up and surprisingly even kick themselves in the foot when trying to go for their signature superkicks. They both look at one another, clearly impressed with the other.
King: This is what I live for, Joey! This carnage! This skill! This passion!
Hawke: I don't even know what I'm going to say to Mongo to explain this damage. Why does this always come down ON ME?
Bobby Barratt and Doc stare at each other, both tired, but still ready and willing to win the rumble. They approach one another, but Taane runs down and takes down both Doc and Bobby Barratt. He throws his arms in the air, happy with the damage that he has been doing. That's when there's a BUZZ!
Same as Jordan Rayburn plays and Rukia Matsuoka comes out.
Hawke: Who's this?
King: Rukia Matsuoka! She's from AXW.
Rukia runs into the rings and the first person who comes to greet her is Alexis Grace. She throws punch after punch as Rukia is attempting to get back to her feet, but she soon does so! When she does, she gets staggered back from a big punch from Alexis Grace. She pushes her to the ropes then performs an Irish Whip. Rukia powers back with a flying shoulder block, taking down Alexis Grace. Next, eXXXstacy comes from behind her and picks her up with a German Suplex, but Rukia lands on her feet! She dives and takes eXXXstacy down with a leg sweep. She then quickly goes down with a falling elbow. She jumps up in the air triumphantly before being clotheslined by Daddy Sokolov. He gets down on the floor, puts his mouth up to her ear and sexually whispers, "Who's your daddy?"
King: This just got really wrong.
Hawke: Well I suppose Daddy Sokolov IS being dominant.
King: in the borderline criminal way?
BUZZ!
The theme song from Nightmare on Elm Street plays and out walks a behemoth. A monster. Nathan Thunder. He is, of course, escorted in by his manager, Joshua Jeffrey Jones.
King: Oh no! There he is! Nathan Thunder! He's a monster!
Hawke: Probably one of the scariest things AWF has to offer. ...Except for their Nielson Ratings, of course.
Nathan Thunder, one of the largest and most frightening men in the AWF walk in. Immediately, Taane runs to him, but Nathan takes him down with a clothesline. He turns left and finds Spike Kane approaching him. Spike throws rights and lefts, but Thunder doesn't do much other than laugh. Thunder drops down and picks Spike Kane up with a military style press. As he does, he brings him over to the ropes. He approaches the ropes as he finds someone pushing on him, hopeless trying to topple him over for an elimination. It's James Mueller. With an eery smile, Thunder turns around and throws Spike Kane on top of Mueller, taking them both down. Nathan Thunder goes to the cornerm, where he finds Obsidian, finishing up his tray of nachos. Nathan Thunder moves like a speeding train toward the corner. He goes after Obsidian, but Kanyon Enterprise member surprises him upon impact by spraying a mist of nacho cheese! Nathan Thunder staggers back and JJJ calls bullshit. I mean, it's ridiculous that someone stashes so much cheese with them.
King: Obsidian always has a master plan!
Hawke: Always? Name other time he has EVER had a master plan.
King: Well... I mean... How do you think he has gotten into Kanyon Enterprise?
Hawke: Is that even still an organization anymore?
King: I imagine they are in President Kanyon's cabinet.
Daddy Sokolov surprises the blinded Nathan Thunder by shoving a STIFF leg into his stomach, forcing the big man onto his back. He begins to smile and laugh his key phrase, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?" until we hear the familiar BUZZ!
Sky's The Limit by CFO$ plays as CK Owens walks out.
King: That's certainly an odd song for CK Owens to walk out to.
Hawke: Well that's because CK Owens isn't in the rumble. Look at what he's holding.
King: What do you mean? All he has with him is... Oh...
Specifically, CK Owens is holding a sex doll. More specifically, it's Terry Bradshaw's wife, Shang Tsung! There is a shrug as CK Owens throws her into the ring as soon as he's close enough. He then shrugs his shoulders and walks away. Honestly, at first, no one even pays attention to Shang Tsung, who lays flat in the ring. Everyone has their own scuffles. Obsidian is fighting with Nathan Thunder and Daddy Sokolov. Alexis Grace, eXXXstacy and Rukia Mmatsuoka have their own thing going on, Shogun-Tron, Michael Storm and Jackson Steele are all on the mat trying to catch their breath and Mick Murphy is bare-knuckle boxing with Taane. The only thing relevant going on is Dylan Black has just thrown Shogun-Tron out of the ring, but he grabs the top rope! He finds the energy to flip back with his... FUTURE-istic military training. He grabs Dylan's head between Shogun-Tron's legs and takes him down with a head-scissors of sorts.
King: There are eighteen people in this ring! Can the ring hold much more!?
Hawke: There are seventeen people in the ring. Don't you dare try to legitimize Terry's semen collector as a real person.
Jackson Steele finds the energy to get up. That's where he finds Shang Tsung. He laughs as he's no stranger to sex dolls or sexual objects, but intrigued that he'd find one in the ring. He goes to physically inspect Shang Tsung and that's when
BUZZ!
Generic music plays and out walks a midget wearing a mask that looks like Mongo.
King: The GUNS intern, Mongo, is here!
Hawke: What an embarrassment...
Mongo Intern jumps into view. He jumps all around to the audience along the entrance-way, soliciting cheers from the audience. He then points to the ring. He puts himself into racing position then blasts off towards the ring! He whizzes past the DeLorean when... Oh wait, he doesn't. As he races past, Terry Bradshaw throws open the door to the DeLorean, which uppercuts Mongo in a seriously dangerous way. He lands on his back and is out cold. XHF Network officials check on the intern. They then motion to the timekeeper and Bonnie.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen... The Intern Mongo is unable to enter the ring. Therefore, he is disqualified!
The DeLorean is pretty much totalled so it can't move, but Terry puts down the hoverboard, which is essentially just a skateboard but the wheels are taken out post-production. He places the board on the ground and begins making his way to the ring. He looks just like this down to the sneakers.
Meanwhile, in the ring, Jackson Steele is still examining the doll. The reason why is currently unknown. At the same time, do we know why Terry does what he does? I know I don't and I write many of his RPs. So why would Jackson know? Anyways, Jackson notices something on his hands. Something... white... and sticky. Jackson brings his hands to his nose and smells something. He knows exactly what it is. We're not going to say what the white substance is, but I'm sure you're able to figure it out. It's Terry Bradshaw's splooge. Jackson Steele is disgusted. He throws Shang Tsung as far as he can throw it. She's going out of the ring... TERRY BRADSHAW CATCHES her. He's so happy. He looks at the camera and smiles.
He hops off the board and onto the stairs, where he re-enters the rumble. He intends to win the rumble with Shang Tsung, as lovers. As partners. As soul mates.
Then the buzzer goes off again.
BUZZ!
Anti-Hero By Sekai No Owari plays and Kira Izumi runs into view.
King: Here we go! It's Kira Izumi, the first AWF Prestige Class Champion!
Hawke: Don't you mean Chumpion? Because it's AWF?
King: You're just so mean.
Kira Izumi gets to the ring and immediately runs to Nathan Thunder and traps him in a corner as he lays into him with a flying knee. He then runs to another direction, where he catches Daddy Sokolov trying to clothesline him. He ducks it and jumps onto the ropes, where he bounces back and hits Daddy Sokolov with a flying, springboard bulldog. Kira gets up and begins yelling in the air. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the ring, Rukia Matsuoka is throwing punches at Alexis Grace. She knocks her down, but immediately kips up, surprising Rukia. Rukia, however, is ready for surprises. She grabs Alexis, Irish Whipping Rukia, but Alexis is also ready and reverses it! With the population density in the ring, Rukia hits Kira Izumi! The first Prestige Class Champion gets infuriated and hits her with the Bom Ya Knee, or how Kira describes it, Kira Kira Knee! Rukia Matsuoka goes down! Kira, with a devious smile, grabs her and throws her over the top rope!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Rukia Matsuoka has been eliminated!
Kira Izumi raises his arms in the air. After all, he got an elimination and he plans on eliminating every single person in order to get to where he needs to be. Suddenly, Nathan Thunder comes up to him and begins exchanging punches with him. That's when...
BUZZ!
Redneck by Lamb of God plays and out walks the one. The only. RAGE! The people flip out, finally seeing the return of the man. The legend. The Revolutionary Rednevck!
King: RAGE! HE'S HERE! HE'S #44!
Hawke: Oh man. For all of you sorry losers who don't know Rage - he's the winner of the first ever Rumble, back when it was in BDDWF. In 2001, he won the rumble, well over fifteen years ago! Now he's here, and possibly will walk out with that sweet X*Crown Championship around his waist.
As Rage makes his way to the ring, he takes off his shirt and throws it to the crowd. He slides into the ring. He strikes down Spike Kane. He takes down James Mueller. He makes quick work of Hyperion. He's easily laying waste to the strongest men in the ring. Then Obsidian tries going after him. A valiant effort, but it's still Rage, so we know it does jack shit. Rage takes Obsidian over his shoulders in a Samoan Drop position. He quickly brings him to the ropes where he drops him down in a stunner! Obsidian hits the ropes as he goes over before he fails his attempt to save himself as he falls off. Both feet hit the floor and he becomes eliminated. Rage quickly climbs the nearest turnbuckle, where a fan throws him a can of beer. Rage catches it and begins chugging it.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Obsidian has been eliminated!
King: Well that's the Rage we know and love!
Hawke: I mean, at least he did better than everyone else so far in Kanyon Enterprtise. He lasted over forty-five minutes.
Rage jumps off the turnbuckle. He finds Terry Bradshaw running to him, but he takes the used beer can, and slams it against Terry's head, sending him down to his ass. Rage has a smile on his face when...
...FIVE
...FOUR
...THREE
...TWO
...ONE
BUZZ!
Zack Sabre Jr.'s theme song plays and James Raymond walks out into view and toward the ring.
King: And here's James Raymond, straight out of the AXW!
Hawke: They call him the Anti-God. Well he'll need a god if he wants to win this match!
James Raymond takes his time as he enters the ring. When he finally does, he goes up to Jackson Steele, the AWF Champion and shoves a boot into his face, knocking him down. But he doesn't capitalize? Why? Well, he's making sure that Jackson is watching. Jackson isn't too sure why, although he admittedly lacks the strength to do something about it at the moment. He watches James Raymond as he goes to the other side of the ring. He finds Alexis Grace and eXXXstacy fighting with one another. Raymond quickly grabs Alexis and clotheslines her to her back. He then turns to eXXXstacy and sends a forearm to her. Jackson's eyes go big as he knows just what he's about to do. Raymond takes a few steps back... then runs forward with a bicycle knee strike to the head! BROKEN PLATINUM! eXXXstacy hits the floor and immediately gets busted open from her forehead! She cleverly rolls out of the ring from underneath the bottom rope, but Jackson Steele immediately becomes livid.
King: That's disgusting! He just attacked a poor, defenseless woman like that!
Hawke: At least she's not eliminated, but things will become interesting now between the two.
Jackson Steele's legs feel like jello. He has been in the ring for the better part of three hours, but he forces himself to get to his feet. He runs to James Raymond and the two begin to exchange heated blows and that's when...
BUZZ!
I'm Not Jesus by Apocalyptica and Corey Taylor plays and out walks the one and only...
King: PRIMAL!
Hawke: Oh, the animal. The primitive. The masked Primal. An XHF Legend, I tell you. He'll set the people here straight.
And straight he does. He quickly runs into the ring and shuts up both Jackson Steele and James Raymond. He takes the two down with a dual lariat and then explodes with a ROAR the likes we haven't seen, since... Since, well - Goldbear. God bless his paw. Primal goes crazy as he runs and takes down Shogun-Tron with a flying knee. He then head butts... or head tackles Kira Izumi. He explodes back up but gets thrown blow after blow from behind from the hard-hitting Mick Murphy, but Empty Abyss checks him with the shoulder, then lifts him into the air in a suplex-like position. At the top of the arc, however, he converts it to a jackhammer to a move that he calls Empty Abyss! Mick Murphy is knocked down! Primal shoots back up and looks god-damn unstoppable!
King: PRIMAL!
Hawke: You've said that already. But yes, he is really powerful.
Primal is laughing to himself. I mean, he's a beast who has taken down nearly prey possible in the ring. That's when he gets attacked from behind. Primal turns around and gets lifted into the air by Rage, the one person he didn't take down! Fists of Rage! He did it to someone else, but Primal remains in the ring.
And BUZZ!
Lord of the Thunder by Rhapsody plays. Curtis Kanyon runs out full speed out in front of the audience and then into the ring.
King: It's Curtis Kanyon! Probably the de-facto leader of Kanyon Enterprise now. Too bad his gang isn't here any longer.
Hawke: Who cares about them? Let's talk about the REAL reason why it's exciting that he's here! He's the former X*Crown Champion and the 2018 XHF Rumble winner when he eliminates that no-good punk Rob Arnold! WOOO!
The first thing that Curtis Kanyon does once he gets into the ring is the same thing that Jackson Steele does when he wakes up. BANG! He bangs Daddy Sokolov! He bangs Spike Kane! (I mean, someone has to. Right?) He bangs Terry Bradshaw. He bangs Shang Tsung! He turns around and then... gets lifted up in the air by James Mueller. CULT OF PERSONALITY-NO! Curtis Kanyon lands on his feet and he CLOTHESLINES James Mueller over the top rope and out of the ring! The crowd goes ballistic in seeing the last member of GUNS eliminated from the XHF Rumble!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and Gentlemen, James Mueller has been eliminated!
King: And James Mueller goes out! It was fun while it lasted!
Hawke: He was impressive, I must admit. At over an hour and a half, he has been the competitor this rumble who was eliminated after spending the most amount of time in the ring.
Curtis Kanyon celebrates before being attacked by Shang Tsung, who tackles him to the ground! ...I guess what happened was Terry Bradshaw threw his sex doll at Curtis Kanyon, which caught him by surprise. Curtis Kanyon tries to throw the big lump of plastic off of him before all the liquid drips out of her and onto him when there's the BUZZ!
The Human Drive in Hi-Fi by CKY plays as a former XHF Champion walks out. Former XHF Champion. Former Co-Commissioner. MAGNUS!
King: Magnus! He has come back!
Hawke: And is he going to be the new X*Crown Champion!?
Magnus runs into the ring. Once in, he proves himself to be indiscriminate in his assault of AWF and AXW. He joins and takes down James Raymond with a spinning heel kick. He turns around and dropsaults Michael Storm! He turns around and at the last second, finds Dylan Black. He swings him down with an arm drag. Magnus gets up but immediately gets thrown backwards by Primal, who forces him to land on the top of his back, just short of him landing on his damn neck! Primal picks Magnus up and throws him against the turnbuckle. His head SMASHES against the turnbuckle. He goes again, but this time, Magnus sticks his leg forward to block it. He then jumps backwards, colliding as much of his elbow as he can toward Primal's face. Magnus tries to recover, but Primal runs quickly for a clothesline to knock the former XHF Champion out of the ring, but Magnus ducks it. Primal realizes this and turns around. SUDDEN IMPACT! Magnus' finisher superkick hits Primal and sends him over the top rope and out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Primal is eliminated!
Bobby Barratt is lying against the ropes. He's exhausted as all hell. His face is pointed up in an effort to absorb as much oxygen as possible. His lungs feel like they're on fire, but he finds that he's at the absolute worst spot to be in as he looks forward and finds Jackson Steele running forward! HE CLOTHESLINE BOBBY OUT OF THE TOP ROPE AND OUT OF THE RING! Wait! Bobby manages to catch a break and grabs the middle rope, with only ONE of his feet landing on the floor. He manages to get himself back onto the apron. Jackson runs forward, but Bobby shoves his head forward and hits Jackson Steele in the stomach. Jackson staggers back and allows Bobby to go in, in order to rekindle this old rivalry. That's when...
BUZZ!
Eery Japanese music plays and Ken The Box comes out!
King: Well if it isn't our old Rumble buddy, Ken The Box!
Hawke: For those who don't know, Ken The Box is an old favorite within the Rumble. He never actually did anything, but he was always there. Kind of like Marty Jannetty.
King: And we STILL send copies of our restraining orders so that he knows not to come back.
Ken The Box makes his way into the ring. With his bulky exterior, there's basically no way that he can be eliminated. Bobby and Jackson are still brawling. Bobby sends a SHARP kick into the stomach of Jackson Steele. Bobby smiles. He's feeling quite ballsy. He grabs Jackson Steele and runs for the corner to do his signature move, Sliced Bread #2, or as he calls it, Prodigal Arrival! Wait, Jackson pushes him off and manages to land on his feet. Luckily, being relatively fresh into the game, he lands on his feet. He turns around. ATOMIC DROP from Jackson Steele! He's going for it! Z-Trigger! Bobby Barratt knows he's not going to be able to shrug this one off, and Jackson Steele wants to make this one REALLY hurt for taking the AWF Championship from him in the first place. He runs backwards toward the ropes and... WAIT! eXXXstacy is coming back to the ring. Suffering from the concussion she had, she doesn't know what's going on except that she needs to get back to the ring. She pulled down the top rope to gain leverage and Jackson Steele falls out from up top. He goes over the top rope and lands outside of the ring! The people gasp! They're shocked!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Jackson Steele has been eliminated!
King: The number one entry has been eliminated! eXXXstacy eliminated her fiance! She unknowingly pulled the top rope down, causing Jackson to fall out!
Hawke: Hah! That's hilarious!
King: Look at Jackson! He doesn't see it that way! He's pissed off!
Jackson Steele finally recovers from hitting the mat outside of the ring. He stares down at eXXXstacy, who is finally realizing her mistake. She covers her mouth. Steele is beside himself as he's simply glaring at the woman he loves with his mouth agape. He remains that way until one of the outside referees instructs Jackson to get out of the arena, and Jackson realizes this isn't a bad dream. eXXXstacy's eyes go large as she's in the ring, looking down at Jackson, walking away from the ring, but his glare never relenting. She starts to shed tears from her eyes and that's when she gets smacked in the face by... Shang Tsung!? That's right! Terry Bradshaw grabbed by Shang Tsung by the hand and used that hand to smack eXXXstacy so hard that she went over the top rope and out of the ring! She becomes eliminated too!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, eXXXstacy has been eliminated!
Hawke: To think, that freaking sex doll is still in the ring!
King: Even worse, it eliminated more people than that freaking intern, Mongo.
Hawke: THE REAL MONGO IS A GENIUS AND A KING. THIS IMPOSTOR IS AN INSULT!
The majority of the people in the ring are trying to get Box out of the ring, but there soon exists a...
BUZZ!
King: Who is it!? Who is it!?
Hawke: It's... Oh my... It's Trip-
King: TRIPLE QUAKE IS HERE!
Stand Up by Trapt plays and Triple Quake runs out, fueled up and pumped. The people scream. They love Triple Quake who lets out an adrenaline-filled roar. He runs into the ring and is light on his feet as he throws a punch to Ken The Box. Box spins around, but the quick Quake is able to dodge the blow. He sends triple the amount of punching and knocks him down to his side a little bit. After all, he loves his strong style! Elsewhere in the ring, Bobby Barratt has gone kind of cocky. His cockiness has gotten into trouble. He has thrown a Distortion Kick to the way of Doc, but he dodged it. He then gets a face full of foot as he is on the receiving end of Doc's superkick! Bobby is dazed as he is forced to hug the top rope in order to keep himself from falling out. Doc has began pushing on Bobby. Spike Kane from Combat even joins in! The two join forces in order to try to push out the former AWF Champion!
King: Bobby Barratt is in trouble!
Hawke: Oh well. It was fun having him while it lasted.
King: He's still in the match!
Hawke: The counter! Look!
...Five
...Four!
...Three!
...Two!
...One!
BUZZ!
Cathedral by Phraze plays throughout the arena and The State of Ohio Champion, Maverick, runs down the ramp!
King: Son of a gun! Bobby might be saved!
Hawke: Yeah, but he won't.
Maverick slides into the ring. She starts striking Spike Kane. Spike, the no nonsense guy that he is, knocks Maverick down with a STRONG punch. He bends down to grab Maverick, but the champion throws a BIG kick to the face of Spike. Maverick quickly makes his way to his feet to knock down the former rumble winner with an enzugiri! He then clotheslines Doc! The former X*Crown Champion and downright legend in the XHF, Doc, doesn't see Maverick and thus, doesn't know his intensity and his skill. Doc goes over the top rope and out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Doc has been eliminated!
Hawke: And that teaches you not to get too cocky in the ring!
King: Didn't you say that Bobby wouldn't get saved?
Hawke: Well, I... Uh... Oh look, the count down!
King: It hasn't been two minutes yet...
Hawke: ...
Maverick helps Bobby get back into the ring. They high-five one another and are ready to take on the ring. They know that ultimately, they may have to go against each other, but it's all about one of The Icons getting that spot. Until then, they have some work to do, but they're also playing it safe and staying back as everyone else in the ring are trying to get Ken The Box, the gargantuan ...thing out of the ring. That's when there's another...
BUZZ.
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits. HEAVY METAL BORG JUMPS OUT. Shogun-Tron comically jumps back agast.
Hawke: Are we really effing doing this right now?
King: This is necessary for... THE FUTURE!
Heavy Metal Borg enters the ring and the amassed fortune of the XHF Network really comes to play as the lights and other ambient decor of the ring is transformed and change lighting to make the fight between the two look like an actual anime fight. The two go back and forth until the tired and weary Shogun-Tron missed a punch, which allows Heavymetal Borg to send a kick horizontally which sends Shogun-Tron feet back, comically all too far. As the Tron falls to the ground, Heavymetal Borg raises his hands up in the air triumphantly. He dances around the ring before returning to the fallen trn. He picks up Shogun-Tron and begins to bring him toward the ropes where an effort begins to put him over. The arm of Shogun-Tron shakes as he attempts to free himself from his predicament. Suddenly, a countdown appears. Could there be one Tron left in wait - one that could free him from such a precarious moment that puts the whole... FUTURE at risk!?
...Five!
...Four!
...Three!
...Two!
...One!
BUZZ!
Am I Evil by Metallica plays and from out of... THE AFTERWARD is none other than Heavymetal Borg's partner, EVIL BORG! No, this isn't a Tron! This isn't a Tron at all! No! In fact, this is possibly one of THE WORST people that Shogun-Tron could hope for that could help him in this situation!
Hawke: This is incredibly lame.
King: Like, is this some sort of cartoon? Why would Mongo invest so much money into this.
Hawke: DON'T YOU QUESTION MONGO'S INTELLECT. THIS IS INSANELY AWESOME!
King: You just said this is la-
Hawke: LA LA LA. I'M NOT LISTENING.
Evil Borg enters the ring and starts to push on Shogun-Tron. The 2017 End of Days finalist, however, won't give up. He knows that his mission is too noble! Too pure! Shogun-Tron is hanging on by mere finger nails and white gloves, and that's when... Terry Bradshaw starts to pull on the material that makes up the costuming on the Borgs. "THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. WHAT IS THIS? VELVET?" The Borgs start swiping back at Terry Bradshaw, pushing back at him and yelling at him for getting in their way of their DASTARDLY PLANS! Terry Bradshaw laughs and begins to walk away. Of course, the Borgs aren't done with Terry. They get about half way down the ring, when the two borgs are comically pushed to the ropes, both around Terry Bradshaw and against the ropes! It's Shogun-Tron! Shogun pulls out his blaster and
shoots Evil and Heavy metal, in that order. Of course, the laser blaster shoots a regular LED, but Evil and Heavy Metal Borg sell it as if it was an actually damaging laser. They both go over the top rope and out of the ring, cursing Shogun-Tron and vowing revenge that will soon come!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Evil Borg and Heavy Metal Borg have been eliminated!
King: Well isn't that nice, Joey? The future is saved!
Hawke: ...
Coincidentally, the next BUZZ occurs!
Hawke: Ugh. ANOTHER AWFer!?
King: No, Joey! This is Quinn O'Connell, one of the newest from the XHF Network!
Wolfblood by Adrian Von Ziegler hits and Quinn O'Connell walks out. He runs into the ring. The newcomer, while brave, nearly gets hugged by Bobby Barratt, who sees that he isn't who he appears to be. This allows Quinn to shove a knee into his face! Maverick sees what's going on and immediately runs toward Quinn, but Quinn O'Connell picks up Maverick and uses his momentum against him to knock him down with a fallaway slam! Quinn O'Connell jumps up and down and goes after Taane. Taane throws a punch and Quinn, dodges it. He ducks and throws an elbow. Taane, the proud man that he is, turns around. He charges after Quinn, but Quinn is too quick, sending a knee into his stomach and pushing him, but Taane grabs Nathan Thunder and uses the momentum to push him over! Nathan Thunder was caught with his center of gravity off and goes over the top rope!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Nathan Thunder has been eliminated!
King: This Quinn guy is really good!
Hawke: And is a whole lot better than Jack Diamond! (Grumble. Grumble.)
Quinn O'Connell laughs as he waits for the next person to join the ring. He gets his wish when he hears the BUZZ!
Paint it Black by The Rolling Stones play and Kuroi Yagami, leader of Team Kuroi walks out.
Hawke: So Kuroi went the Caitlyn Jenner route, eh?
King: No, Joey! This Kuroi is a woman!
Hawke: Right. That's what I just said.
Kuroi Yagami got into the ring. Quinn O'Connell surprises her with a flying headscissors from the turnbuckle, but Kuroi Yagami has her own tricks up her sleeves when she reverses it into an arm drag and takes down the smug Irishman. She gets a chuckle or two before getting punched in the face from Alexis Grace. She goes down to the ground. Alexis Grace stares at her and actually yells, "Get out of the ring! I'm the Irish Rose!" but Kuroi shakes her head because she wants to ring, and she doesn't know English! In defiance against the defiant tone, Alexis Grace picks up Kuroi and throws her against the turnbuckle. She begins to throw punches. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE! TE-Kuroi rolls out of the way. She picks up Alexis Grace and throws her up in the air for a snap tiger suplex! Kuroi Yagami calls it End of Days, possibly named after the XHF Pay Per View! Alexis Grace goes over the top ropes and is out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Alexis Grace has been eliminated!
Hawke: I would love for them to grope each other a bit more.
King: ...You mean grapple?
Hawke: Huh? What did I say?
King: Grope.
Hawke: Hey! Those are professional athletes! Don't use some perverted language around them!
Right on time, a BUZZ sounds throughout the arena.
R U Mine? By Arctic Mokeys plays throughout the arena and Lou C. Ffur runs out!
Hawke: They call him The Anti-Christ, but he's going to need Jesus if he wants to win this Rumble!
King: Dude, we all need Jesus.
Hawke: ...Dude.
Lou C. Ffur runs into the ring and immediately gets thrown out of the ring by Kira Izumi! He looks out and onto Lou. He screams something in Japanese. When translated to English, he yelled, "YER DEAD!" The referee, outside of the ring, checks on Lou C. Ffur and confirms that he is still alive. Thank goodness.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Lou C. Ffur has been eliminated!
Hawke: Oh... oh my.
King: Trust me, dude. It's all about the big J.C.
Hawke: You are using the word dude way too much.
Hyperion is leading the charge underneath Ken The Box. As he spins and tries to attack, Mick Murphy and Taane have bound his methods of attack. Kira and Rage join from underneath to lift this behemoth. It's still not enough! Dylan Black gets underneath. Almost there... Then Terry Bradshaw offers the strengths of Shang Tsung in there, as he offers a genuine smile. Shang Tsung being there was likely just coincidental, but Ken The Box gets toppled, goes over the top rope and becomes eliminated!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Ken The Box has been eliminated!
Hawke: Ken The Box! He'll win the rumble one day!
King: We have miss you, brother!
As Ken The Box makes his way back up the ring, there is yet another BUZZ!
"Rip it Up" by Jet plays and Randy Angel, the older brother of Dos Angeles plays as Randy walks out with a smile on his face, and a beer in his hand. He's also holding Tequila Kitty II in his other hand, who is purring away and licking the wetness from the nose. It's a pretty safe bet to assume that the liquid is tequila. Why? Because it is.
King: Randy Angel, yeah! Wait! Isn't this the number that Storm originally drew before Randy swapped them?
Hawke: I mean... Yeah. I think so.
Randy Angel stops right before he gets into the ring. He gives one final hug to Tequila Kitty II, who may or may not be a negative influence upon the drunk. (The jury is still out on that.) He then enters the ring. He goes up to Michael Storm, puts an arm around his shoulder and says, "How are you my main man!" Michael Storm immediately throws a HARD punch that hits Randy Angel in the face and knocks him down. The people gasp, completely surprised and Michael Storm says something, surprisingly at an audible level with the ring filled to the brim upwards of 100,000 people. He says, "F@!#, THAT FELT SO GOOD!" He then heard himself and yelled, "WAIT! WHY AM I THE F(@$&ING ONLY PERSON HERE CENSORED!?"
King: Is that true? ...Shit.
Hawke: Hah. It's really only Storm.
Randy Angel hits the floor and looks to Triple Quake, who looks back. Triple Quake walks up to Michael Storm and knocks him down with a punch. Turns out, Triple Quake and Randy Angel were in a tag team together once upon a time! The thing was, the look that Randy tried giving Quake was basically saying, "It's OK. He's cool," and Quake interpreted that as "Beat the crap out of him." Michael Storm tries backing up but Triple Quake is going on the offensive. Michael Storm knows he can't take too much more. After all, he has been in the ring for over three hours.
That's when the count down happens:
...FIVE
...FOUR
...THREE
...TWO
...ONE
BUZZ!
Knights of Cydonia by Muse plays and Copycat runs out to the ring!
King: Oh no...
Hawke: The AWF in all their glory...
Copycat runs to the ring. He wants to go into the ring and win with pizzazz. He jumps over the top rope and jumps in... onto Taane, who throws him back to Hyperion... who throws him onto Dylan... who throws him onto Daddy Sokolov... who throws him onto Maverick. Copycat's arms and legs are swinging. He's trying to get into the actual ring and not just crowd surf to the other side. He reaches and grabs anything he can. He grabs a hold onto something... It's Shang Tsung! Copycat's eyes grow wide. He knows just how protective that Terry Bradshaw is over his wife, even if his wife is just a plastic or a silicone doll. Copycat finds him falling out of the ring on the other side. He puts Shang Tsung underneath his body and uses her to keep himself from falling out of the ring. He does and uses her as a raft, with her body under his.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen... Erm... Shang Tsung has been eliminated.
Hawke: Fifty-two minutes, King. A sex doll lasted fifty-two effing minutes in this ring.
King: And Copycat eliminated someone. We're full of surprises today.
Copycat wipes the sweat off his brow. He finds that he's about two feet from the apron and he has to make that jump without his two feet touching the ground before he can be eliminated. He tests the distance and crosses his fingers. He prays to any and all gods he can think of (which doesn't involve Hyperion) and jumps! He lands on the apron... and onto the sharp end of a knife! The person holding the knife is Terry Bradshaw. This is the moment where time stands still. Terry Bradshaw narrows his eyes and whispers to Copycat, just loud enough for him to hear.
Bradshaw: Copycat... I saw you. I saw you grab my woman. I saw you on top of her. You, my sixth-best friend betrayed me, Copycat. After all I've done for you. After I've shared my wealth and my companionship, you have betrayed me. So for me, I must act out the only way I know how. With the broken heart of a young fool, Copycat. With the broken heart of a young fool. Où est la bibliothèque.
With that, Copycat fell backwards. He landed onto the mat outside the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen... Copycat is eliminated! ...and if you're a paramedic, please come quickly!
Hawke: Was he carrying this knife this entire time!?
King: My Lord, Joey! This is mad!
Hawke: I know there aren't any disqualifications in the XHF Rumble when it comes to the weapons, but uh... I thought that...
King: Are you going to insinuate that Mongo hasn't thought of everything?
Hawke: Uh... No! Of course he has! Mongo The Destroyer is without fail! I must have not understood the true extent of his wisdom.
Despite Joey Hawke's weird religion to Mongo...
BUZZ!
M.F. Jap By DEVILOOF plays and Satsujin Yami runs toward the ring.
Hawke: Satsujin Yami! She works along with Kuroi Yagami!
King: Well now things will be shaping up quite nicely for SSS.
As she slides into the ring, she joins alongside Kuroi Yagami that it's time for the ladies to take charge. As they move forward, Kuroi Yagami gives a boost to Satsujin, lifting her up high, perhaps about ten feet into the air! She divers down with a clothesline and takes down Bobby Barratt and the Mercenary Maverick. She gets up and finds that Curtis Kanyon is next to her. Curtis Kanyon is ready for the BANG and he does not discriminate between men and women! He runs forward and BANG he does, Satsujin Yami barely dodges out of the way. He accidentally hits someone else - Triple Quake! He gets thrown out of the ring over the top rope. He gets eliminated!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Triple Quake has been eliminated!
Hawke: Lucky break for the ladies!
King: True that. They are very skilled, but they have to remember they're sheep in a pen with wolves.
Kuroi Yagami is on the fringe to allow Satsujin Yami some time to recover. She's trying to fight off the vicious Kira as the BUZZer sounds. Who could it be?
Loser Like Me by Pink plays and Marcus Anderson walks out amidst cheers and praise from the audience. He walks into the ring and instantly gets greeted with a strike from Quinn, which nearly topples him over. New to the XHF Network, Marcus is adjusting to the xtreme ways. Michael Storm throws a punch and nearly throws Marcus Anderson out of the ring, but he's quick enough to avoid the blow. Spike Kane comes from behind and throws an axe handle blow to take Marcus Anderson down. Marcus tries to get up, but Spike throws him out of the ring. He's out and he falls to the floor with both legs - NO! Only one touches as he finds a way to swing and get his other leg up to the apron! Spike sees this. He punches his hand and Marcus lets go! Luckily, the flexible Marcus Anderson slides underneath the bottom rope. He gets back in and sweeps the legs of Spike Kane, sending him to the floor!
King: And Marcus Anderson is still in the ring!
Hawke: Maybe, but this is the XHF we're talking about. He has to kick it into high gear if he wants to stay here for much longer.
Marcus Anderson wipes the sweat off his brow as there's a BUZZ!
Psychosocial by Slipknot plays. Eddie Havok rides into view on his motorcycle.
King: Here is Havok! He's from Riot Star Wrestling and I believe he's one of the only ones representing the promotion today.
Hawke: And a lot is on his shoulders to see if they're worth a damn to the XHF.
Havok exits the motorcycle near the ring and enters the ring. He finds Hyperion and sends him to the ground with a hard fist. He turns around and narrowly dodges a BANG gore from President Kanyon. He then finds Shogun-Tron coming from behind him and takes him down with a Pele Kick! Shogun-Tron goes down and Havok jumps out in the air with a rage-filled roar! Satsujin Yami comes to attack him, but Marcus Anderson comes to the side and inadvertently saves him by throwing her over the top rope and out of the ring! Kuroi Yagami looks surprised, her eyes glazed over. Havok smiles as hits her with a Styles Clash move that he calls The Fall of Havok! He throws her over the top rope and out of the ring as well.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen - Satsujin Yami and Kuroi Yagami are both eliminated!
King: And just like that, the new guys within the XHF Network has just taken out the ladies representing SSS!
Hawke: We might have some more left. We have fifteen more, don't we?
The match has gone on for a long time. At this point, people who have spent the longest amount of time such as Michael Storm and Daddy Sokolov have spent about three and a half hours in the Rumble. Even some of the tougher guys in the rumble such as Rage has been finding a tough time. In fact, Kira has been throwing punches. He cornered him and started throwing rights and lefts. Rage has since drooped down to the floor. That's when...
BUZZ
Darker Side of Me by Veer Union plays.
King: Wait! I know this! Who is this?
Hawke: HIM.
Matt Hicks comes out, part of the Rage family. The people cheer and go nuts as he runs out to the ring. He gets into the ring and immediately gets rushed by the vicious Taane. He picks him up and surprises everyone as he slams him down with a spinebuster. Matt Hicks runs forward to help his family member but gets side-swiped by Terry Bradshaw. Bradshaw runs to the downed Hicks, but Matt uses his momentum against him as he kicks Bradshaw out of the ring, between the top and the middle ropes. He then quickly gets up and charges to Kira. He grabs the first Prestige Class Champion and throws a strike against his head. Matt Hicks then grabs Kira Izumi and throws him over the top rope. Kira grabs the bottom rope and keeps himself afloat. Matt Hicks checks on Rage and makes sure that he's OK. He gets maybe a moment before Magnus strikes Matt. He takes him down with a swinging DDT. Magnus gets up and smiles. Rage throws a punch, but Magnus dodges it and sends another stiff kick to him. Magnus gets up one more time before he gets lifted up in the air. It's Kira! Kira hits a suplex to Magnus, but Magnus reverses it! He suplexes Kira back INTO the ring! Magnus gets up one more time, feeling quite accomplished. And accomplished he is, until Bobby Barratt comes out of nowhere and clotheslined Magnus over the top rope and out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen - Magnus has been eliminated!
Bobby smirks as he looks out at Magnus, a former XHF Champion. Bobby didn't care too much. He's an Icon and is intent on letting everyone know this. He looks down to Matt Hicks, trying to get up from the floor. As soon as he does, Bobby charges forward and HITS Matt Hicks with the Distortion Kick, his patented Superkick! Bobby is ready to throw out Matt Hicks and that's when...
BUZZ!
A Country Boy Can Survive by Hank Williams Jr. plays and Ron Gibson comes out, looking as disgusted as he always does and he runs out toward the rings.
King: That's Ron Gibson! He's the tag team partner of Matt Hicks! His tag team name is... Oh what was it?!
Hawke: *Sigh* Mongo never enjoyed it but White is Right.
King: JOEY! Wait, Mongo supports racism?
Hawke: Of course not. Don't be preposterous.
Ron Gibson gets into the ring and looks at Matt Hicks. Matt knows exactly what to do. He rolls out of the way to the side. Of course, Bobby Barratt is confused as he finds this to be a strange turn of events, not seeing Ron Gibson. That's when he charges forward. He strikes Bobby Barratt from behind with a lariat from behind, a move that he calls The Anti-Semitic! Ron Gibson roars to the air, garnering absolutely... zero claps from the crowd, considering the XHF Network is not a company that supports racism, only tolerates for special occasions such as the XHF Rumble. But what the hell do they know? (According to Ron). Michael Storm attacks Ron Gibson. With an axe handle, Ron Gibson is moved forward a couple of feet forward. Storm runs forward, but Gibson hip checks Storm and throws a MASSIVE elbow knocking Storm to the ground. Because of the amount of time, nearly four hours, that Storm has spent on the floor, he is slow to give up. Storm tries to raise his body but Ron Gibson puts his boot onto the face of Storm. He's yelling, "You like that, boy!? Lick the scum off my boot!"
King: Oh... No... I do not approve of this.
Hawke: See? This is why AWF is trash.
King: HE CAME FROM THE ORIGINAL XHF!
Gibson does this for another moment or so, but is soon becoming sick and tired of Michael Storm. He reaches into his wrestling trunks and pulls out a whip. A mother-effing whip. He then starts to put it to good use. He starts laying it onto Storm. Storm starts screaming. This is something where in nearly any other match, he would be disqualified, but this is the XHF Rumble and there's only one way to be eliminated - over the top rope!
...BUZZ!
Masturbation by Dadaroma plays and out runs Ai Moe!
Hawke: Who's this?
King: Ai Moe!
Hawke: No. You're King.
Ai Moe runs into the ring, where Storm is starting to really feel the effects from the beating that Ron Gibson has been giving him. Ai Moe starts the assault on Shogun-Tron, who has been in the ring for around three hours at this point. Elsewhere, after Storm's back shows crimson lines, Ron Gibson thought enough has been enough. He picks up up and starts using his hillbilly strength to push him over the top rope, but he holds onto the ropes for dear life. Despite his feeble form, he's praying that he won't be tossed over. Ron Gibson is pushing but also turns to his partner in White is Right, Matt Hicks. He's telling him to get off his ass so that they can finally get this thing done. Matt Hicks manages to make his way to his feet. Unfortunately for Ron Gibson, while he spent so much time staring at Matt Hicks, Storm throws a big elbow that doesn't do a lot of damage to Matt. No, it doesn't do a lot of damage, but it certainly aggravates him, which encourages his pushing. Storm grits his teeth. All hope seems lost, then that's when in his rage during the shaking, he pushes back against Matt who instinctively pushes back. The enraged redneck starts pointing fingers and reminding Matt Hicks who's boss. This gives the opportunity for Storm to make his way back to his feet. Storm drains nearly all the available energy he has left in lifting the top rope and throwing Ron Gibson over the top ropes and down to the mat.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and Gentlemen - Ron Gibson has been eliminated!
Michael Storm looks down at the pissed off Ron Gibson. Storm is breathing heavily. He's completely wiped out. Luckily for him, everyone else is too busy in their own affairs to go after Storm. Oh wait. I lied. Curtis Kanyon picks up Michael Storm and lays him back down with a back body drop! Kanyon looks down at the pained Storm, who just landed on his whip wounds, and yells, "That's what you get for attacking my Dirty Deal brother! BANG!"
King: Oh shoot! I completely forgot! Matt Hicks isn't Ron Gibson's only tag team partner in the ring.
Hawke: Oh, you're right! Ron Gibson and Dirty Deal, after White is Right, were in Dirty Deal!
Matt Hicks goes after Curtis Kanyon, but President Kanyon easily takes him down with a spinebuster. He then goes to work on Michael Storm, working on putting him over the ropes. Storm has no energy to fight back, not after he just lifted Ron Gibson over the ropes. Then...
BUZZ!
"Pain" by Three Days Grace plays and one of the Hicks brothers runs to the ring. It's Fury!
King: Fury! Oh boy is Michael Storm lucky!
Hawke: For all of you who don't know, Fury was a tag team partner of Michael Storm from back in the day. They had quite the tag team name too. "Fury of the Storm".
President Kanyon sees Fury running down the ramp. He's know fool. He backs up and lets Michael Storm fall down so he can give himself room to breathe. As soon as Fury gets up from entering the ring, he immediately faces a BANG from Kanyon, but Fury dodges it! The former X*Crown Champion bounces back from the ropes and Fury lifts up Kanyon into the air. He takes him down with a Jack knife that he calls The Furification! BOOM! Kanyon goes down! Rage, Matt Hicks and Fury all reunite. Fury pulls out beers and all three of them begin to drink. The people explode. They go crazy. At this point in the match, they're damn near unbeatable! Randy Angel runs up toward them. Rage, the leader of the Hicks, steps forward and practically DARES the elder Angel brother of trying something. Randy smiles and points at the beer. Rage then realizes - he just wants to share some booze! Rage smiles and nods. He turns to the audience. If you're thinking that there isn't one person among the nearly 5,000 people in the audience didn't have beer, I don't even know why you're reading this show. Someone throws open a nice cold can of beer and Rage catches it single-handedly like a BAMF. He then passes it to Randy Angel, who opens the beer. They clink cans and both start chugging.
King: Well isn't this nice, Joey?
Hawke: A bunch of people drinking instead of wrestling in a WRESTLING MATCH, sure.
King: What? We can have friendly moments too sometimes.
Hawke: Destruction of the liver and alcoholism. Yes, this is
SUPER friendly.
All four happily chug their fermented drinks. Some spill down their shirts and/or chests, but YOLO, amirite? After they all finish, Randy goes up to Matt Hicks, who both consent to a fist bump. He then goes up to Fury, who also goes in for the fist bump. Rage is no different. They all smile and laugh some more right before Rage kicks Randy Angel in the stomach. Then he lifts him up to hit the Fist of Rage! As Randy Angel hits the floor, he bounces back up. Matt Hicks and Fury are quick to use that opportunity to clothesline him over the ropes for the elimination!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen - Randy Angel has been eliminated!
As Randy gets up and begins to walk up to the ramp, a resounding BUZZ plays. "Rip It Up" by Jet plays and Nelly Angel walks up. The two brothers look at one another. Nelly shrugs, confused on what just happened. Randy hangs his head down. The two quickly embrace one another in brotherly love. Nelly then runs down the ramp towards the ring. Randy turns his head and gives a thumbs up. He yells, "Go get'em, bro!" as one Angel brother remains with a chance of walking out with the X*Crown Championship.
King: Well isn't this nice, Joey?
Hawke: Actually, yes. We get rid of a drunk and replace him with a true XHFer looking to make us proud.
Nelly Angel slides into the ring and looks up at Rage. He steps forward and offers a handshake. Rage smiles and puts his hand forward. Rage shakes Nelly's hand... and quickly lifts Nelly over his shoulders! He's going for the Fist of Rage again, but Nelly slides his way to get back to his feet. As he goes down, he takes Rage down with a cutter! He gets to his feet and Matt Hicks and Fury go toward one another for a clothesline, but Nelly dodges out of the way! Fury and Matt Hicks accidentally strong-arm each other down! Nelly Angel effectively takes down three men, three XHF Legends and three people that have eliminated others in the XHF Rumble already!
King: Holy moley! Nelly Angel is wonderful!
Hawke: Nelly Angel! WOOO! I love the good ol' XHF guys!
Freedom Fighter by Creed plays and the entire XHF audience gasps as Steve Dackle run to the ring.
King: Steve Dackle! One of the greats in the AXW and the partner of Dylan Black in The Darkness!
Hawke: Now Dylan has the help he needs to eliminate Jeffrey Vip-...hahahaha!
Steve Dackle is in the ring and immediately greeted by Nelly Angel who throws a hard fist. IT HITS... and Steve Dackle doesn't react. He isn't hurt and has a slight smirk on his face as he returns a greeting to Nelly Angel with a neckbreaker. More specifically, his finisher neckbreaker that he calls the Axelbreaker! Nelly goes down! Marcus Anderson runs to Dackle, who lifts him up over the top rope! But wait! Marcus lands feet first on top of the apron! He jumps up onto the ropes and springboards off to Dackle! He doesn't see it, but turns around and... SPINEBUSTER! Marcus Anderson goes out too! Dackle jumps up to his feet and begins to roar like the monster that he is!
King: That Dackle is a monster!
Hawke: Yes, but we still have ten more people behind those ropes and some may be even more dangerous. Can he hold on?
Dackle is smiling and nothing seems to be in his way, and that's when he gets attacked from behind! It's Matt Hicks! Dackle is forced onto his knees as the XHF Legend lets him have it! Matt is throwing an axe handle after another axe handle. He's going on and on until Hyperion comes out of nowhere and tackles Matt Hicks at the side and goes out of the ring between the top and the middle rope! Hyperion beats his chest, and that's when there's a resounding BUZZ!
Man of Constant Sorrow by Saggy Bottom Boy plays as Jordan Rayburn comes out! Jordan comes out and is in the ring! Suddenly, the people in the ring are staring at each other. There is a certain set of events playing out right now!
King: Oh my Jesus...
Hawke: What's going on?
King: Just look!
Several members in the ring are staring at each other. Steve Dackle is staring at Hyperion. Bobby Barratt is staring at Curtis Kanyon. Dylan Black is staring at Terry Bradshaw, Nelly Angel with Rayburn, and James Raymond is eye to eye with Maverick. FISTS ARE FLYING!
Hawke: It's war! It's all out war! AWF is in a war with AXW! Blow AWF out of the water!
King: This has been building for months and now, it seems that peace is no longer a solution!
AXW is starting off with the advantage. Steve Dackle has taken the weathered and tired Hyperion to the corner, shoving punches. In the opposite corner, Maverick has been being beaten down by James Raymond! The two in the corner nearly drop down as Steve Dackle and James Raymond quickly glance to one another. They quickly Irish whip and Hyperion and Maverick are being thrown to one another! But wait! Maverick rolls underneath and between the legs of Hyperion! Hyperion runs to the opposite corner and clothesline James Raymond down to his corner and Maverick sends a jumping roundhouse to Steve Dackle! The two go down!
King: And Team AWF is leading!
Hawke: Not in the other corner!
In the center of the ring up against the ropes, Dylan is hovering over Terry's nearly unconscious body. He's screaming at him while laying punch after punch. It goes something like, "NOBODY *PUNCH* THINKS *PUNCH* THAT *PUNCH* YOU'RE *PUNCH* FUNNY! *PUNCH" all while Terry's eyes are rolled to the back of his head, his mouth is open and he's bleeding. All in all while on the other side of the ring, Rayburn just took down Nelly Angel with a swinging DDT! He jumps up in the air and throws his arms up, feeling accomplished! In the center of the ring, the two most evenly matched fighters of the entire ring has a heated brawl between former AWF Champion Bobby Barratt against former X*Crown Champion Curtis Kanyon! Neither sides seems to relent and then...
There was a game changer.
BUZZ!
Burn to Burn by Static X plays and one person walks out of the gate. It's Reeshi. The people go insane.
King: OH MY LORD! IT'S REESHI! IT'S REESHI!
Hawke: I am losing it! Folks! For those of you don't know Reeshi, you don't the first thing about the XHF. It's like being a Christian but not knowing who Christ is. It's like being an American but not knowing how many states we have!
King: Ladies and gentlemen, Reeshi is the longest-reigning XHF Champion OF ALL TIME! AND NOW HE'S HERE!
Reeshi throws a fist up in the air and immediately gets the loudest pop of the entire night, at least so far. In the ring, Rage is watching. The two are easily the most seasoned veterans in the XHF, and they have feuded. They have both shed blood, sweat in tears in this ring. Reeshi watches intently and begins to see Reeshi as he picks up speed and begins to run into the ring. Then Reeshi trips and falls. The people's cheers have begun to quiet.
King: Reeshi... tripped? That's not right.
Hawke: Oh my God... THAT'S NOT REESHI AT ALL!
Joey Hawke is right. The large and tattooed monster that was Reeshi shrunk down to a lanky and weak Copycat. Rage's eyes grew, surprised. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Bobby Barratt hits Curtis Kanyon with a Distortion Kick! NO! Curtis dodges it! Bobby's kick hits Rage, which knocks him over the top rope and out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Rage has been eliminated!
Hawke: The XHF Legacy has been tarnished by mistakes.
King: Oh come on, Joey! We are entering the new age!
Copycat finally enters the ring once more. He smiles as he looks around with one more chance to win the XHF Rumble. It doesn't take long before he gets lifted in the air by... RAGE! Copycat looks scared. Terrified. FIST OF RAGE OUT OF THE RING! Copycat nearly breaks his neck as he falls out. Rage looks down at him and spits at Copycat before leaving the ring and turning back.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Copycat has been eliminated... again!
Mongo: NOT SO!
Mongo The Destroyer, the XHF Network owner, steps out dressed in a full suit and holding a microphone. Copycat smiles, hoping Mongo came out here to reverse the decision and allow him to continue.
Mongo: It's bad enough that we let someone who doesn't even work here get into the rumble match.
Copycat: I've worked here for over ten years!
Mongo: But I won't stand to let that same person tarnish this rumble more than once, much less him impersonating someone so ingrained into this company's history. I won't stand for it! Let it be known that this impostor's second entry is null and void. He is NOT the 68th entry. That number will go to the next person! And you know what? While we're at it, his first entry didn't count either!
Copycat: COME ON! NOTHING EVER GOES MY WAY!
But Mongo has already turned around and walked out.
King: Oh jeez. That's really embarrassing.
Hawke: But for who? Copycat can't last more than two minutes in the ring and Rage got eliminated because he let Copycat distract him.
King: Oh look, the buzzer!
Hawke: Seriously, King. Let me make a point here for fu-BUZZ-'s sake!
Let the Bodies Hit The Floor by Drowning Pool plays and when the lead singer screams, "FLOOOOOOOOOR!" Adam Steel jogs out!
Hawke: Another member of Camp AXW. AWF is surely going to be huting!
Adam Steel slides into the ring. At first glance, it looks like AWF is completely occupied with AXW, so the people in AWF's roster can't even deal with this threat. And those that can't, aren't in a position to even do anything about it! Adam Steel smiles but out of left field comes Daddy Sokolov, number nine in the rumble. Daddy Sokolov deals a VICIOUS clothesline... but too bad Adam Steel ducks it. Sokolov turns around and BAM! Adam Steel delivers a damaging spear... a finisher that he calls The Steel Rocker! He throws his arms up in the air and the people are loving it!
Hawke: I love this guy! He reminds me of Charlie Velez for some reason.
King: I think it's because he has the same image b-
Hawke: SHHHHHHH!
Elsewhere in the ring, Dylan Black is beating the snot out of Terry Bradshaw. Quite literally. And it's really gross because Terry Bradshaw's snot is really neon green and dried out. It's getting to the point where Dylan doesn't even really want to keep working on him because it'd cross the line into manslaughter quite soon. Plus, he gets distracted when James Raymond pushes back onto Hyperion, who inadvertently bumps into Dylan. The monster of a man nearly floors Dylan, and that gets him quite steamed. Now Hyperion and Dylan Black are throwing fists. Where Terry is, James Raymond sees Terry Bradshaw and begins to use all the strength he has left to push the obese man over the top ropes. At this time, Terry is beginning to stir into consciousness. He sees his predicament and begins to fight back, but he's nearly geriatric and old. He can't do shit. But he did...
Hawke: Is he... eating his boogers?
Then Bradshaw begins to yell something.
Bradshaw: I FOUND A SENZU BEAN!
Hawke: What the heck is a senzu bean?
King: I think I know what it is, since the cool kids love me and let me into their
clique. Basically, it's a bean, where if one eats it, they are recharged with energy. It kind of looks like it.
Hawke: But it's his BOOGER!
King: Yeah. It's gross.
Bradshaw opens his eyes fully and jerks forward. However, his boogers are not senzu beans and the idea that it is, is just quite frankly disgusting. However, his boost in confidence pulls James Raymond over his head. James Raymond pushes Terry Bradshaw over the ropes, but he brings The Anti-God with him. Bradshaw hits the apron on his way out so James Raymond technically is eliminated a split second before the AWF CEO.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, James Raymond and Terry Bradshaw are BOTH eliminated!
Bradshaw: NO I'M NOT!
Evidently, Terry Bradshaw carried a microphone with him this entire time. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket. Terry turned to the referee.
Bradshaw: My good sir, if you declare that I have not been eliminated, I will write you a check for one thousand dollars.
King: What the heck is this!?
Hawke: Terry Bradshaw is making a mockery of this Rumble is what's happening!
The referee's eyes open. He looks around. He takes a step forward toward Terry when...
Mongo: I thought that this foolishness was over with when I was done with Copycat's hi-jinks, but I see I was wrong. Ref, don't you dare betray the XHF and join Terry. I will give you $2,000 NOT to do what Terry asks you to do.
Bradshaw: I will give you $3,000 to do JUST what Mongo asks you to do... AND ELIMINATE ME, but then that would be a paradox wouldn't it? You'd die from creating an impossibility within the universe, and you'd kill everyone in the ring including your wife. Now you wouldn't want all that blood spilled, would you?
Mongo: Terry is being an idiot. Just eliminate him. I'll even raise it to $5,000.
Bradshaw: $7,500! Mongo won't do shit for you.
Mongo: $10,000. I can do whatever I want. I have more money than Terry after all.
Bradshaw: $15,000! Now we BOTH know Mongo is lying! After all, he ducked out of the Battle of the Billionaires match!
Mongo: $25,000! And I never even agreed to that match in the first place! I just came to that dump of a building you held your matches at because I was trying to get my cat back!
The referee's smile is ear to ear. It only grows when Terry screams.
Bradshaw: FINE. I WILL GIVE YOU $50,000! YOU CAN'T MATCH THAT, CAN YOU, MONGO?
Mongo looks straight to Terry and shakes his head.
Mongo: I actually can!
The people can. Most people won't even earn that much in a year!
Mongo: ...but I won't.
There is a disappointed "awww" echoing through the stadium.
The referee walks over to Terry Bradshaw. They almost shake hands when...
Mongo: But if you accept that deal, ref, I'll just fire you.
Terry smiles to the referee and moves forward to shake his hand. That's when the referee jumps up and falls to the floor. Terry then reveals that he has one of those gag gifts where people can shock someone else, but it's clearly rigged with random wires sticking out and random sparks that look totally unsafe. Evidently, it was meant to amplify the watts. Another referee runs from the back and gestures to Terry Bradshaw, ensuring that he is eliminated.
Hawke: I *BUZZ*ing hate Terry Bradshaw so much. ...WHY IS THAT BUZZ SO WELL TIMED?
King: I'm more curious about who is going to be Entrant #69!
I Touch Myself by The Divinyls plays and someone walks out. Someone like...
Hawke: Oh sweet Jesus...
King: Oh no...
Ember Ferrari walks out, and she is posing in an extremely suggestive way. She gyrates her hips and poses to the camera before running down.
Ember Ferrari enters the ring and She pops up from behind Kira and grabs his ass. When he looks behind him to see what's happening, he freaks out and mule kicks her, sending her to the ground. Exceptv not her as in Ember Ferrari. Ember ducks and Kira makes contact to Ai Moe, sending her over the top ropes and out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Ai Moe has been eliminated!
Elsewhere in the ring, Adam Steel has been making work of Michael Storm. Storm, who has been in the ring for quite a long time - hours upon hours, isn't able to do much to change this. Storm's legs are shaking as Adam is throwing fist after fist. Storm is shaking as he staggers back. Adam Steel moves forward to go for a clothesline and end all this, but Storm ducks and spins around. He moves forward and runs for a clothesline of his own. Adam Steele hasn't been in the ring for hours, however. He is new and fresh and easily goes out of the way. But Michael Storm clotheslines someone else out of the ring. His old tag team partner, Fury! Fury goes over the top rope and is out of the room!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Fury has been eliminated!
Michael Storm looks surprised. His eyes shoot open and a vein nearly pops out of his neck as he sees Fury stare back incredulously. Adam Steel is behind Storm and sees the perfect time to go forward and attack him. He runs to Storm, but the number two entrant falls down from exhaustion and is instead thrown out of the ring through the middle and the bottom rope. Meanwhile, the war between AXW and AWF rages on. Bobby Barratt picks up Curtis Kanyon and slams him back down. After taking a breath, he moves forward to capitalize on Curtis, but Steve Dackle takes Bobby down with a big boot!
Then...
BUZZ!
Deflane by Neverwake plays and Hironationrox runs out toward the ring!
King: One of the newest signees of the XHF Network, Hironationrox!
Hawke: That name, though.
Hironationrox comes in and immediately sends a spinning elbow down to Steve Dackle. Hyperion runs over to Hiro, who takes him down with a dropkick! Jordan Rayburn runs from behind Hironationrox, but he takes him down with an arm drag! He's just decimating both Team AWF and Team AXW in one foul swoop! Shogun-Tron and Spike Kane throw fists between one another and out of nowhere is Mick Murphy! He throws a punch to Spike Kane, who ducks the punch. The punch lands at the face of Shogun who completely comically over-sells it (as his gimmick requires) and hilariously gets thrown over the top rope and out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Shogun-Tron has been eliminated!
King: Over three hours and forty-five minutes! Nearly four hours! Shogun-Tron has made history! He has spent the most amount of time in the XHF Rumble!
Hawke: Oh my...
Everyone in the ring is tired. Exhausted. The only energy in the ring is animosity toward one another... Then Curtis Kanyon gets to his feet and with the energy bestowed onto him by the power of Thor, he's in his BANG mode! He's ready to BANG everyone in the ring! ...except maybe Ember Ferrari. Nevertheless, she isn't in his radar! He gets up and BANGs Maverick! He turns around and BANGs Mick Murphy! He BANGs Hyperion! He BANGs damn near everyone in the AWF! He then finds Bobby Barratt lying against the ropes. He's someone who is pretty much BEGGING to be BANGed out of the ring! Curtis Kanyon speeds like a freed bull. As he races toward Bobby Barratt, Michael Storm comes from out of nowhere! The Lie Detector that Storm calls Terminal Projectile and hits Kanyon! The trajectory sends BOTH of them over the top rope and out of the ring! The people gasp!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Storm and Curtis Kanyon have been eliminated!
King: Four and a half hours! He just beat Shogun-Tron's record!
Hawke: True, but others are in the ring. I'm sure someone's going to beat Storm's record. We do have 75-people, after all.
It may look like AWF has been tipping the scales with Michael Storm eliminating Bobby, but Dylan Black has the former AWF Champion on the top rope and he's pushing! And he's muscling Bobby to get him over and out of the ring! Bobby is trying to fight back, but he's running low on energy and Maverick can't help. Dylan almost has it. The camera zooms in on Bobby's fingers losing grip. Then all of a sudden, this happens...
BUZZ!
Ace of Spades by Motorhead plays and out walks into view Jack Diamond! The people cheer as the main eventer from the Ascension Wrestling Federation runs toward the ring. As he slides in the ring, Dylan turns around to face this new threat. STACKED DECK! The cutter floors Dylan Black! Jack Diamond turns around and finds Quinn O'Connell lying back against the turnbuckle. Diamond runs toward him and hits him with a splash! Diamond Splash! Right on the money! Jack Diamond throws his arms up in the air, but Spike Kane comes from behind and floors him down with a punch! Spike Kane smirks as he turns around. Jack Diamond kips up right behind of Spike's back. Spike senses the reactions on the audience face. He runs to Jack, who grabs the ropes and uses his legs to wrap around the neck of Spike Kane. He modifies a headscissors and takes him out, over the top rope and out of the ring! He hits the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Spike Kane has been eliminated!
King: There you have it! Jack Diamond has just eliminated a former XHF Rumble winner!
Hawke: *RAGES*
King: I'm sure you're just dying inside, Joey.
Jack Diamond has a smile on his face as he closes in on Jordan Rayburn. He easily dodges the weak punches thrown by him, weak only in comparison to the fresh energy delivered by the one and only Jack Diamond. In response, the Icon member throws a kitchen sink kick into the stomach of the Dackle. He begins to grab him and force him in an effort to send him over the top rope and that's when there's the BUZZ! He needs someone. He needs someone from AXW to save him. Will help arrive?
King: Will it be someone from AXW!
Hawke: Well... You can say that!
Indestructible by Disturbed plays and Brad Swann walks out with a smile on his face. Brad Swann - member of The Icons. He runs into the ring. Jack Diamond looks at Brad Swann. Brad gestures to Diamond with the come hither look - the index and middle finger curling in his direction. Diamond brings Jordan Rayburn back. Diamond gets up to Swann's face and throws his arms in the air. He mouths, "What!?" Brad Swann stares into the eyes of Jack Diamond. Diamond stares back. Undeterred. Diamond then begins to crack the slightest of smirks. Brad Swann nods ever so subtly. They two then turn toward Jordan Rayburn. They run forward and both clothesline him over the top ropes and out of the ring! The two give each other a high five as the two team mates realize they have the advantage. They have the lead. This is a world for Icons.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Jordan Rayburn has been eliminated!
King: I think the war between has just ended for now between AWF and AXW!
Hawke: Good. AWF sucks.
King: No, I mean that this just became time for THE ICONS!
Hawke: Say what now?
King: Kanyon Enterprise tried to get all of their members inside. Didn't work. Rage got most of The Hicks together but they couldn't capitalize on it. The Order? Well that doesn't even really exist anymore. But all of The Icons are here and chances are, with only three people left in the rumble, they're going to go for the win!
Hawke: Oh, I see. They're doing well. I'll give them that, but don't forget about the X*Crown Champion, who is going to walk out as fresh as a cucumber!
The Icons come toward one another and throw fist bumps. After all, they're together. This is their ring. This is their world. That's when the large screen that is the Xtreme Tron begins turning to static.
King: Uh, folks. Please bear with us. It appears that we are currently experiencing technical difficulties.
Hawke: Someone must be screwing with the system! It can't be our fault. WE ARE XHF! Where is Terry Bradshaw? He's only been out of the ring for a little while, but I'm sure he's up to no good.
For once, this is actually not Terry's fault. The screen cuts into an image and the face of V, the owner of the AXW, is shown.
V: It appears that there is a ceasefire. No matter. This is a time of unity, a final reprieve before the final showdown. You see, I'm sick of the small quips here and there. It is time for our final assault. We need a real war that is held without interference from everyone else. Icons, you may be teammate with one another now, but soon, you will go after your brothers for blood. AWF, I challenge you right here. Right now. The prize is $100,000, essentially the net worth of each of our promotions and thus, loss means death. Will you accept?
Out of the blue, Terry Bradshaw walks out with a cigar sticking out of his mouth. He is adorned in a camo military outfit and a beret on his head. He even steps out holding an AR-15, which is highly illegal to carry. Immediately, Spanard police are already grabbing Terry, forcing him to the ground and disarming him but a wireless microphone attached to his collar allows him to talk.
Bradshaw: You can bet your Libertarian ass the ASW accepts! We will ravage your people! We will fly to England and tax your ass without representation and see how YOU like it! This is war! THIS IS WAR! I BET $100,000 OF AWF MONEY ON THIS. I ACCEPT THIS BATTLE OF BLOOD MONEY.
V looks down upon Terry and provides a slight smirk.
V: Good. The date is Sunday, June 3rd. It will be held at The New Lawn football stadium in Gloucestershire. If you want an Xtraction match, I agree. We will each have a team of five. Wargames rules. After all, this is a war and as we agreed, this will be an Xtraction match. This will be Xtraction: Blood Money. Prepare your team. And prepare for war.
The Xtreme Tron returns to normal and Terry Bradshaw is taken to the back.
King: AXW vs. AWF at an Xtraction, huh? Well this is something you could only get in the XHF Rumble, folks! There will be blood!
Hawke: AXW busting in on the XHF and demanding the blood of the AWF? I like it!
Jack Diamond turns around from the previous shenanigans that just happened... only for Quinn to take him down with a step-up enzugiri! Jack Diamond hits the ground hard and Brad Swann moves forward for vengeance. But Havok takes Brad Swann down with a DDT! It looks like while the war between AXW and AWF have been raging on, the people who weren't caught in the crossfire took the time to wisely heal and recuperate. Maverick starts chopping at the back of Havok, but Hiro comes from behind the State of Ohio Champion and strikes him behind the knee with a kick! Maverick goes down! Elsewhere in the ring, Kira Izumi, the first AWF Prestige Class Champion, throws a punch to Taane, but he ducks it! He spins around him and picks him up. He throws him for a release German Suplex, hitting the famed former-champion hard! Kira grimaces as he thuds onto the canvas.
King: TAANE FLIPS KIRA!
Hawke: I hardly think Taane knows Kira well enough to truly appreciate that accomplishment.
Five...
Four...
Three...
Two...
One...
BUZZ!
Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen plays and the former owner of TGK, Mad Dog Smith, runs out!
Hawke: And I believe this is the last AWF entrant, Mad Dog Smith!
King: I've seen Smith's work, and he truly is a game changer!
As Mad Dog Smith enters the ring, he quickly is approached by AXW's Adam Steel. Steel goes for his finisher spear, but MAD DOG SMITH HITS HIS FINISHER! ...It's just that unfortunately for Mad Dog Smith, his finisher is called "The Smallest Package in the Business", ...and that's what it was. A small package. He even keeps it there for a full six or seconds before Adam Steel is able to kick out of it, Mad Dog Smith gets up and scratches his head, unsure why Adam Steel hasn't been eliminated quite yet. He turns around toward and quickly finds Matt Hicks going after him, but he uses the ropes as leverage and throws the last Hicks brother up over the ropes and flips him out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Matt Hicks has been eliminated!
King: And the last XHF Legend Original has left the ring!
Hawke: Unless we have more lying in wait!
Mad Dog Smith, like a beautiful gymnast, swings over the top rope when making that elimination and lands on the apron. He throws his arms up in the air and a foot in front of the other like he just stuck a landing. He saw Matt Hicks coming. However, what he didn't see was Nelly Angel sending a dropkick between the top and middle ropes, hitting Smith in the chest! It propels Mad Dog Smith off of the apron and out of the ring! According to rules, that's an elimination - even if Mad Dog Smith voluntarily put himself over the top rope! Mad Dog Smith's eyes go wide and he goes crazy. After all, he is a former TGK Grand Champion after all, and Mad Dog Smith deserves much respect! After all, he's no longer in love with Jeffrey Viper.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Mad Dog Smith has been eliminated!
Nelly Angel looks at Mad Dog Smith, who is actually quite surprised about the elimination. Nelly, the good sportsman he is, gives a thumbs up to congratulate on his awesome showing. He turns around and narrowly avoids a direct punch to the face by Mick Murphy. He's showing that being a face is NOT necessarily relinquishing of your instinct! He reacts by grabbing the fist and jumping onto the rope. He goes for a springboard move, but Mick Murphy uses his foot to kick the top rope, showing that faces can sometimes be victims of JERKS. (©RobArnold) This forces Nelly to lose his footing. Something arguably worse happens. The ropes hits Nelly between the legs. He falls into the ring and grabs his crotch to save what sperm remains.
The people, however, don't have too much time to feel sorry for Nelly as the BUZZ for #74 arrives.
Arnhemland by Jamiroquai plays and the former co-commissioner of the XHF walks out. The one and only ISHNARI!
King: Yes! One more legend! One more legend!
Hawke: Well I suppose we now know what number the X*Crown Champion comes out as, but YAY ISH!
As Ishnari enters the ring, the others in the ring are going after him instantly. Ishnari dodges a punch by Hironationrox and takes him down with a DDT. He gets up amidst punch from Quinn, but superkicks him in the face. Dackle quickly picks him up with his leg up for a spinebuster, but Ishnari rolls out of his grasp and goes down over him like it was a sunset flip, but he pushes Dackle to force his trajectory to take down Taane. He then rolls backwards to avoid Maverick and Bobby Barratt tackling him. They then instead tackle each other. Ishnari wipes the sweat off his brow until Eddie Havok races down towards him. Ishnari sends a high kick, which knocks Havok over the top ropes and out of the ring. And yes, that was his finisher. Havok failed to get the bottom rope. His feet hit the floor. He isn't walking away as the X*Crown Champion!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Havok has been eliminated!
But Havok wasn't the only victim of Ishnari and his signature high kick. Right after, he hit the giant of a man, Hyperion! The giant man hits the ground! And right after, Daddy Sokolov, the longest-lasting person in the room poses. He yells, "WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" He jumps and goes for his finisher, The Dong Drop! HE HITS HYPERION! Well, kind of. What do I mean by that? Well, see for yourself.
King: Oh my...
Hawke: ...God.
Daddy Sokolov lands on Hyperion - well his neck lands on the hand of Hyperion as if he is going for the chokeslam. Hyperion is holding Daddy Sokolov in his grasp as he makes his way to his feet. Hyperion's eyes grow large and his face shows one not worth mercy. He brings Sokolov off his feet as he brings him to the ropes. He hits Daddy Sokolov with a stalling chokeslam that he calls The High One! Hyperion throws Daddy Sokolov, one who entered the XHF Rumble at entry #9, out of the ring. Sokolov hits the mat hard and Hyperion shows just why he calls himself a god. Why others see him as a threat. Why he's revered and worshipped. This is Hyperion's time. This is the time for Hyperion to walk out of the ring as the X*Crown Champion.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Daddy Sokolov has been eliminated!
Hyperion smiles. After all, he has just taken down one of the most iconic men of AWF's former Rise Up division. However, the entire mood changes as a countdown goes to zero as chanted by the audience:
...Ten!
...Nine!
...Eight!
...Seven!
...Six!
...Five!
...Four!
...Three!
...Two!
...One!
BUZZ!
St. Patrick by PVRIS plays as Rob Arnold walks out into view, the X*Crown Championship laying confidently over their shoulder.
King: Here they are!
Hawke: The X*Crown Champion is finally here. And at Entry #75, they are in the best possible chance to retain their belt.
King: That may be so, but this champion has seventeen others to send over the top rope if they want to continue being called the champion.
Rob Arnold finally enters the ring and he doesn't exactly get the warmest of receptions. Quinn O'Connell raced forward toward the champion, but Rob was able to lift him over the top rope, forcing him to hit the outside. Quinn O'Connell hits the canvas outside and he is no longer part of the 2018 XHF Rumble held in Madrid, Spain!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Quinn O'Connell has been eliminated!
Rob Arnold brandishes his mischievous smirk, but he knows that he doesn't really have a chance to relax. After all, sixteen others still remain in the ring and they all want the belt. Several men approach rob. Marcus Anderson and Steve Dackle begin to close in on Rob, but he manages to spread his legs in a drop kick to take down both of the men. He gets right back up without room to defend himself when he gets kicked in the stomach by Dylan Black. He brings him back against for that Canadian Destroyer finisher that he calls Black Out! OH MY GOD HE'S DOING IT! Wait! Jeffrey Viper rushes into the ring and spears the two mid-flip! What the hell is he doing here!? All three of them go over the top rope and they hit the floor! Except Rob Arnold skins the cat and he grabs the bottom rope and swings his legs around to avoid contact with the floor! Jeffrey Viper looks down at the eliminated Dylan Black, his son. He screams at him. "YOU FORCED ME TO DO THIS, DYLAN. WHEN YOU DISOBEY YOUR FATHER, I MUST PUNISH YOU. I DON'T ENJOY PUNISHING YOU, MY SON. I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU FORCED ME TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES!" Jeffrey Viper tries to continue, but referees grab Viper and force him out of the arena.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Dylan Black has been eliminated!
King: And Jeffrey Viper comes out of nowhere to eliminate Dylan! When will this rivalry end!?
Hawke: Probably when Viper's stupid ego is satisfied and he can stop trying to impress himself on this-otherwise beautiful masterpiece of a show.
King: Well Jeffrey Viper is going to hate himself when he finds out something else.
Hawke: What's that?
King: Viper was too late. Dylan Black was eliminated just before five hours in the rumble, which means that Dylan Black is now the longest-lasting person to stay in the ring in XHF Rumble history!
Hawke: Well that does put a tear to a tired, old soul.
Rob Arnold finds himself in a precarious situation. He's not eliminated, but he
is over the top rope and on the apron. He is also the person everyone has his eyes on as the current X*Crown Champion. and it's not exactly like he has made a lot of friends while in the ring. Everyone is looking at him like lions at an antelope. Kira runs toward Rob, but Mick Murphy tackles him down. Taane tries to climb on top of Murphy, but Nelly Angel comes from behind of Taane and throws him backwards with a German Suplex! The wall in front of Rob Arnold is growing and as such, the X*Crown Champion is using his cunning to escape amidst the madness. He does his best to subtly slide around the corner and the rest of the tired and otherwise indisposed competitors are fighting in this new explosion of talent! The tactic of Arnold is actually working as he finds an open spot for him to enter. But wait! Marcus Anderson sees him! Rob Arnold realizes he needs to do something - and fast. Rob Arnold jumps onto the top rope and springboards forward, but Marcus runs forward for a suicide dive! He's going to essentially throw Rob Arnold outside of the ring! BUT WAIT! Steve Dackle grabs Rob Arnold midair and spinebuster him to the canvas! ...This leaves Marcus Anderson to dive over the top rope and eliminate himself!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Marcus Anderson has been eliminated!
King: This is tough, Joey. He took a risk, and it ended up not paying out.
Hawke: Yes, but this is the first XHF Rumble in a decade! You have to realize this victory lays on a bed of blood, sweat and tears.
And speaking of blood, BOOM! Ishnari lays a high kick to Steve Dackle, hitting him in the nose and causing him to break out into crimson water.
King: Joey! You just broke his nose!
Hawke: Me!? I'm over here just commentating the match!
Ishnari has a smile on his face but he turns around and the relatively-fresh Rob Arnold managed to get himself to his feet. Ishnari turns around and sees Rob Arnold, whom jumps up and hits the Codebreaker on Ishnari, the finisher that he calls Plunge into Darkness! Everyone is down from the recent mass-assault from earlier. The fans are on their feet! Then out of nowhere, "Lord of the Thunder" by Rhapsody hits the speakers as Curtis D. Kanyon emerges from the curtain!
King: There’s another entrant? I thought we were done!
Hawke: This can’t be right... Curtis was already eliminated!
Curtis holds the Briefcase above his head! The fans pop huge! Curtis runs down to the ring and stomps on Ember Ferrari on his way into the ring. Curtis then yells at a referee to come into the ring. Rob Arnold is pulling himself up in the corner and looks confused.
Hawke: Are we really going to have a singles match in the middle of The Rumble!?
King: Well, he has to use the case on an AXW wrestler, Rob is still the champion, so I guess he can?
Hawke: If he wins the X*Crown, is he back in The Rumble? This is insane!
Curtis is yelling at the referee and demanding to cash in his briefcase as someone is running down the aisle at high speed! Curtis hands the case over to the referee, as all four hands are on it, Price slides into the ring and grabs Curtis from behind and hits the Pay Back! Curtis shoots up holding his back in pain and turns around into a Price Crash! Price slaps The Briefcase out of the referee's hands. Price then kicks Curtis out of the ring. He winks at the crowd and leaves. The referee grabs The Briefcase and takes it out of the ring.
King: I guess we won’t get a singles match in the middle of The Rumble.
Hawke: Our President really is insane. But so is Price.
Some referees help Curtis to the back as the action in the ring starts to pick up again. Rob Arnold's first few minutes in the ring were hectic and his condition has definitely weathered but the hype around him has tapered off as people start realizing that they have to be a bit reserved to stand through the storm and that it doesn't matter when Rob goes out as long as he does. Despite everyone being tired, the one group appearing to do the best at the current time is The Icons. And out of the fifteen people in the ring, nearly a quarter of them belong to The Icons. Maverick, Jack Diamond, Brad Swann and Bobby Barratt have been the first ones to make it onto their feet. They're also choosing to beat up on a certain someone - Hyperion. Being the largest, strongest and quite possibly the most intimidating, he is absolutely one of the people the Icons are looking to go after as there is a certain strength in numbers. One of the most head-strong and ballsy member possibly in the XHF Network, Kira Izumi, strikes Jack Diamond from behind. Jack falls forward. Bobby and Brad Swann begin going after Kira, but the State of Ohio Champion runs forward and clotheslines the first Prestige Clss Champon, Kira over the top rope.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Kira Izumi has been eliminated!
Hawke: Bye bye, Kira!
King: Hey! Kira spent over two hours in the Rumble! He did great!
Jack Diamond's eyes go wide as he makes his way to his feet. He sees Maverick taunting Kira at the outside as Ember Ferrari crawls up behind Maverick. She moves her arm forward as it appears she's going for a low blow. Jack screams, "Maverick!" However, Ember Ferrari doesn't exactly punch Maverick in his junk. She caresses it. Fondles it. Maverick jumps as he's surprised by both the yelling from Jack as well as the sudden touch on his special parts. He looks back and sees Ember, giving him a wink. Maverick turns around and drops down for an elbow, but Ember rolls out of the way. Ember rolls out of the way, but as soon as she gets to her face, she gets tackled down by Bobby Barratt. The former AWF Champion begins laying on her with punches, but Ember isn't exactly fighting back. Bobby stops. He looks down.
Hawke: What the... What is Ember doing? She's not fighting.
King: SHE'S HUMPING BOBBY!
Yes. Ember Ferrari is pretending that she's on the bottom in missionary position. Bobby stops punching Ember. He doesn't attack. He just backs out, disgusted and quite possibly scarred for life. However, Jack Diamond, his buddy, is stepping in. Jack Diamond throws a single kick and then picks Ember. He throws her to the corner and then... STACKED DECK! He hits his finisher cutter, but wait. As he goes down, Ember pulls Jack in... AND KISSES HIM STRAIGHT ON THE LIPS. TONGUE WAS EVEN INVOLVED. Jack then begins resembling the same kind of symptoms Bobby did a moment ago. He rolls out of the ring and runs to the trash can right by the commentator's desk where he begins vomiting uncontrollably.
Hawke: THAT IS *BUZZ*ING DISGUSTING!
...OH COME ON. THERE AREN'T EVEN ANY MORE ENTRIES!
King: ...did Jack eat lasagna?
Ember forces her neck up despite the pain from Jack Diamond left her just moments ago. Her eyes set on the face of Ishnari, who begins to perspire from nervousness. She smiles and licks her lips. Ishnari looks left and right and then shakes his head with a sigh. He climbs over the top ropes and jumps off into the outside.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Ishnari has been eliminated!
King: I don't blame him one bit.
Hawke: Seconded. I would have done the same thing.
On the other side of the ring, Nelly Angel and Mick Murphy are exchanging punches between one another. They are trading one with one another and then, Nelly Angel builds upon a punch, with another, and another. And Nelly is able to knock down Murphy, out-punching a pure-brawler, but someone who has been in the ring much longer than him. He builds upon yet another one and then throws an extremely strong one which sends him to the ground! Mick Murphy is quickly getting to his feet, but Nelly Angel is running to the ropes. He jumps onto the ropes and springboards off with an Asai DDT, a finisher that he calls The Interviewer's Invert! But Mick Murphy has gotten quicker to his feet! He rushes forward with his signature move called Superkick, a move that's... well, quite self-explanatory. The forces redirects Nelly Angel out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Nelly Angel has been eliminated!
Hawke: NELLY! You were my favorite that's still in the ring!
King: Really? What about Ember?
Hawke: I want to eliminate you out of this Rumble.
Mick Murphy turns around after the attack on Nelly, and immediately gets taken out by Taane who hits him with a lariat - a finisher of his that he calls Bloodline! Mick Murphy went over the top rope and to the outside.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Mick Murphy has been eliminated!
King: And another AWFer gets eliminated.
Hawke: I will take delight in knowing that despite their immense participation in the XHF Rumble, their numbers have equaled that of AXW's.
Swann has spent the better part of the previous interactions stomping on the face of Ember Ferrari, doing the impossible and making her ugly. After all, she has single-handedly tearing down the cohesiveness of The Icons and making them sick to their stomachs. He then reaches down, picks up the hairy woman and begins to push her over the top rope, engaging in an effort to force her out of the ring. Ember is currently on top of the top rope and Swann's mouth are agape as he is screaming to exert as much energy as possible to make this elimination happen. Ember is starting to go over but moves her legs around the neck of Swann, trying to headscissor her way to eliminate Swann. That's when Rob Arnold appears out of nowhere and tackles Brad Swann and Ember Ferrari. Swann goes over the top rope and hits the outside of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Brad Swann has been eliminated!
King: And with an attack from Rob Arnold, Brad Swann is out! Say goodbye to a full Icons team!
Hawke: And with that, we have reached our final ten.
Rob Arnold begins to kick on Ember Ferrari, who has managed to land on the apron so she hasn't fallen out of the ring despite having gone over the top rope. The X*Crown Champion has been growing frustrated because Ember has grabbed the bottom rope. Ember is fully aware of the precarious nature of the situation, but smiles as she knows she is causing Rob Arnold himself to be so angry. Then suddenly...
SMASH!
Ember Ferrari lets go and falls out of the ring. Next to her is Jack Diamond, holding a chair. He looks down at her with disgust and begins to lay down on her with blow after blow from the chair.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Ember Ferrari has been eliminated!
King: So Joey. I have a question for you.
Hawke: Yeah?
King: Who's your new favorite to win now?
Hawke: ...ALL OF MY HATE IS RESERVED FOR YOU!
Jack Diamond doesn't even care about winning the rumble right now. With another smash and smash of his chair, he's focused on destroying Ember Ferrari. In the ring, Steve Dackle takes down Hironationrox with a spear. He turns around and narrowly dodges an axe kick from Adam Steel. He retorts with a big boot after spinning into position. Maverick comes after Dackle with a clothesline, but it does jack crap to him. Steve Dackle looks back and hip checks Maverick. He then Irish whips him to the turnbuckle. Steve Dackle runs full speed to the corner with a splash, but at the last second, Maverick leaps out of the way! Dackle bounces off of the turnbuckle. He turns around to gain his bearings but Hyperion runs forward and slams into Steve Dackle with his lariat that he calls First Principle! Steve Dackle goes over the top rope and out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Dackle has been eliminated!
Brad Swann has been eliminated. Jack Diamond is out of the ring getting his vengeance. The Icons aren't exactly in the best shape right now and especially when Adam Steele takes a knee to the face of Bobby Barratt, who at this point, has been in the ring for almost three and a half hours at this point. Needless to say, he's extremely tired. Bobby Barratt turns his head and looks to his partner, Maverick, but Hironationrox picks him up and slams him down with a suplex. Steel picks up Bobby Barratt and brings him to his feet. He then lifts him in the air and brings him in the air for the brainbuster finisher that he calls the Steel Line! ...but as he goes up, Bobby puts his feet on the turnbuckle. He bounces off and reverses the move into a Sliced Bread #2, his finisher Prodigal Arrival! Adam Steel hits the canvas hard! Elsewhere in the ring, Hironationrox takes Maverick down with a fallaway slam!
King: RIP the Icons.
Hawke: I will have to say things are looking quite well for the newest group of XHF Network wrestlers, including Alex Steel and Hironationrox.
Hironationrox has effectively decimated Maverick. He gets up and goes to Bobby Barratt, who is nearly spent at this point. He picks him up and leans him up against the ropes. Hiro backs up a few paces before running like a train to the ropes. He sends Bobby Barratt over the top rope. Bobby tries to skin the cat and grab the ropes... but he fails to do so! He falls!
...BUT JACK DIAMOND CATCHES HIM! Hironationrox's mouth is agape. Tired and exhausted, he can't believe what he saw. Taane comes from behind and throws Hironationrox who goes over the top rope, who hits the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Hironationrox has been eliminated!
Jack Diamond brings Bobby Barratt to the apron, giving him a chance to continue the match. On the other side of the ring, Rob Arnold takes the moment to relax. With seven competitors left in the match, he's choosing to conserve his energy for when he will most need it. Hyperion goes after Adam Steel, but Steel takes him down with a dropkick. Hyperion would normally be able to shrug the move off, but he spent not even fifteen minutes less than Bobby Barratt, and Hyperion gets taken down. He hits the canvas hard. He turns around to Taane and narrowly avoids an axe handle. Adam Steel hits Taane with a clothesline. Steel took down two of the people in the ring and then sets his eyes on Rob Arnold, who immediately takes notice. Rob is an arrogant and cocky jerk, but he knows when he has to wrestle. The two men go together for a standard elbow to collar lock up. Steel surprises Rob Arnold with a hard and cunning knee to Rob's kidney. He then takes control by throwing Rob to the ropes, but the X*Crown Champion reverses it, sending Adam Steel to the ropes. Adam runs faster and uses this to his advantage as energy is low and everyone is tired; Adam is going to bounce back with even more momentum. But as he hits the ropes, Bobby Barratt jumps high and pulls down the top rope! Adam Steel goes over the top rope and with both feet touching the floor outside!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Steel has been eliminated!
King: Lucky break for Bobby there!
Hawke: Well The Icons now essentially comprise of half of the ring now.
Rob Arnold sees Bobby Barratt outside of the ring and barely hanging on. Sure, he eliminated Adam Steel, but he's not exactly out of the dark quite yet. Rob runs towards Bobby, but he's keeping his wits about him. He won't allow Bobby to drop the top rope and use his momentum against him. Rob is going to tackle Bobby, but then Jack Diamond pops in. He was from the outside and in a smooth motion, jumps to the apron then onto the shoulders of Bobby then into the ring where he intercepts and takes down Rob Arnold with his cutter! STACKED DECK! STACKED DECK! THE CROWD GOES FUCKING WILD!
King: THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN!
Hawke: The X*Crown Champion just went down! Jack Diamond just stuck a middle finger to the X*Crown Champion and seriously put a dent into his chances of winning!
Rob Arnold surprises no one when he hits the mat hard. After all, he just took a beating. But it's not wise to assume Jack Diamond just jumps to his feet; Jack spent a lot of energy with all of those jumps. In fact, he's lying right next to Rob and his chest is moving up and down like an upside-down trampoline. This allows Bobby the time he needs to get back into the ring where he at least steps back from Death's Door. Elsewhere in the ring, Maverick and Hyperion are duking it out. The snipes that both have shown toward one another in these passing months have culminated into a heated back and forth, stemming from Hyperion's former group, The Order. While The Order may be no more, the hatred still lingers. Maverick is absolutely unable to match Hype's raw strength, but he more than makes up for it in his speed and agility. Maverick throws a kick to Hyperion's shin. Hyperion responds with a clothesline, but the State of Ohio Champion side steps and delivers another punch to the stomach. More and more of Maverick's blows have been slowly building on Hyperion and slowly, but gradually wearing him down.
King: You know, I never pegged Maverick being on the same level as Hyperion, but look at this!
Hawke: Maverick has always had a mean streak about him. If he hates something, he lets it fuel him. ...That's what I hear, anyway.
And Maverick gets a BIG break when his final punch leans Hyperion up against the ropes! He has him right where he wants him! Maverick quickly steps back and then tackles forward!
King: Did Maverick just eliminate Hyperion!?
Hawke: ...WHAT IS THIS!?
Hyperion starts to go back, but he surprises everyone when he moves his arms forward and picks up Maverick the Mercenary into the air for powerbomb position! He's trying to spin around so he can powerbomb Maverick over the top rope, but the champion grabs the top rope with his left hand. With his right, he's throwing punches into the face of Hyperion. The strong-headed God is taking the punches. He sees it as investment so that he can finally take this Icon member out. After all, he's not going to drop him just so he can look elsewhere for options. He keeps trying to turn around but Maverick is squeezing tight onto the ropes. He really wants to win this! Then, something else happens! Bobby Barratt jumps on Hyperion! He is punching away as well, but his punches aren't meant to just inflict pain; they're also meant to provide force to sent Hyperion over the top ropes! Hyperion's height goes down. It looks like the punches have been taking their toll.
King: It looks like it's the end for Hyperion!
Hawke: The Icons comprise half of the current entrants in the ring; it'd be REALLY embarrassing for them to fail now.
Hyperion actually falls to one knee. That's when he bounces back up! ALL THREE OF THEM GO OVER THE TOP ROPE! With Hyperion so low on energy, he had to overcompensate and he didn't know how much energy to use so of course he would send himself over the top rope! But while Hyperion's back hits the side of the ring, his right foot is actually tangled up on the bottom rope! He's still in the match. However, Bobby Barratt and Maverick have both gone over and have been eliminated. Bobby hits the floor and Maverick bounces off of him and lands next to him. Their impact in the ring can't be missed, though, as Hyperion's face is painted black and blue. And red.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Maverick and Bobby Barratt has been eliminated!
King: And just like that, we go from three Icons to one!
Hawke: Four men are still in this rumble. Who will walk out the X*Crown Champion? Hyperion, Taane, Jack Diamond or Rob Arnold? It will be one of these four!
King: Even still, Hyperion isn't even technically in the ring.
At this point, Jack and Rob are still on the floor, although they have been working to get back to a vertical basis. Taane, however, is getting to his feet. He's looking at Hyperion, who is in a precarious situation. He's looking for this quick elimination. He's looking to eliminate a third of his competition and going one step closer to victory. To becoming the X*Crown Champion and the winner of the 2018 XHF Rumble. Taane runs toward Hyperion and goes forward for a baseball slide, but Hyperion fights every nerve screaming to stop so that he can bend his upper-half of his body forward. He grabs the leg of Tane and pulls him out of the ring. Taane's head slides against and smashes the turnbuckle on his way out. Taane is lying on his back and motionless! Hyperion looks at Rob Arnold and Jack Diamond, still trying to make their way to their feet and Hyperion knows this is his only chance to fix his foot situation before he gets eliminated.
King: Even with no energy, Hyperion is still a monster!
Hawke: We're all monsters, King. We entered an industry where we bet people up for money.
Hyperion pulls his front half into the ring and finally untangles his foot. And not a moment too soon as Jack Diamond is stomping away at Hyperion. Let's not forget that mere minutes before, Hyperion has taken down both Maverick and Bobby Barratt. At one point during this rumble, The Icons were in full force and right now, only one remains. Jack Diamond is furious. He's tired. Really tired, but anger and vengeance is a great motivator. At this point, Hyperion can only defend himself and hope that Jack Diamond gets tired soon. Better yet, Jack Diamond gets taken down by a neckbreaker from the current X*Crown Champion, Rob Arnold. He looks down at Jack Diamond. Then at Hyperion. Then at Taane. Right now, the XHF ring is a playground - Rob Arnold's playground. A sly grin overtakes his face
Hawke: THAT PRICK!
King: Let me get this straight. You're not #TeamRobbie?
Hawke: I'll say this much.
King: ...Yes?
Hawke: I'd continue talking but I would start swearing and I don't want that buzzer to censor me again.
Rob Arnold does the first thing that comes to his mind. He goes to each one of the four turnbuckles, and undoes the padding. Rob Arnold knows the position he's in. He knows the numbers. He drew the most advantageous number. He knows everyone else is hurting. He can take the pain and he can deal the pain just as well. He knows just what he wants to do as he brings Hyperion to his feet, which is not somewhere he wants to be. Hyperion is bruised and bloody. Furthermore, his foot was tangled, which sprained his angle. Rob Arnold Irish whips Hyperion to the ropes, but Hyperion refuses to run. He, instead, reverses it and sends Rob running. Rob Arnold approaches the corner, but right before he can crash and burn, becoming the victim of his own device, Robbie jumps onto the turnbuckle. He turns around and jumps off, taking Hyperion down with a hurricane kick. But Hyperion jumps forward with his lariat - FIRST PRINCIPLE! The fans begin to chant: HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT.
Hawke: Hyperion isn't done yet!
King: This really begs the question - can Rob hold onto his belt?!
Rob Arnold is on the ground. Jack Diamond is on the ground. Taane is on the ground... and isn't even in the ring, but Hyperion? He's grasping for the ropes. He's scratching and clawing in his effort to get to his feet. His eyes are in the back of his head. His body is jerking and it appears that this is something where his main self, James Knox, would have given up long ago. Hyperion is working off instinct alone as he's ignoring all the pain in his body. He gets to his feet, just in time to see Jack Diamond climb to his feet. In Hyperion's mind, someone just volunteered himself for a beating. He wasn't able to eliminate Brad Swann, but he's ready to take down everyone else in The Icons. That would be the ultimate satisfaction for him. Diamond finally climbs to his feet. The two approach each other.
Hawke: The Order vs The Icons Part... Five?
King: How did you know that?
Hawke: ...F*BUZZ*K!
Jack Diamond and Hyperion walk to each other slowly. Jack Diamond is the first to throw a punch. Hyperion staggers back before throwing a punch of his own. Jack Diamond nearly topples over. Jack Diamond gets back up by throwing a fist of his own. Hyperion nearly goes down, but comes back to Jack Diamond. The two go back to the punching trades until Jack Diamond ducks one of Hyperion's punches. He circles around and then jumps forward for the Stacked Deck! But Hyperion's able to push Jack Diamond out of the way. Diamond circles around until Hyperion grabs Jack Diamond by the throat. He's going for his stalling choke slam, The High One! Wait! Jack Diamond moves forward with a high kick to knee Hyperion in the chin, dropping him. They're about to continue with this dance before they hear a scream. They turn around and see Taane jumping off from the turnbuckle. He hits his finisher corkscrew moonsault to Maori Drop! Jack Diamond and Hyperion hit the ground!
Hawke: Taane's not done yet!
King: Jeez. I'm looking at everyone else and... they might be.
Taane gets to his feet. He sees Hyperion and Jack Diamond and decides it'll be easier to eliminate the man that's not as heavy. He brings Jack Diamond up over the top ropes, but Jack Diamond grabs the ropes. He's holding onto the ropes. Now is not his time to miss his chance! ...at least, in his mind. Jack Diamond's state of consciousness has been brought into question. He's awake, sure, but barely. His cognitive ability has been compromised and all he knows is that top rope is the only thing that's keeping him from staying in the ring and being thrown out, from being the winner or the loser. From walking out with gold or walking out with shame. At this point, Taane is deciding to start throwing punches directed at Diamond's hands. After precise blows, Jack Diamond's hands drop! He falls from the top rope!
King: Jack Diamond is eliminated!
Hawke: He's done for!
But Jack Diamond grabs the bottom rope! His legs swing but stop right before they hit the rope! Taane looks at Jack, but his eyes go wide. His pupils dilate, and he becomes enraged. He starts kicking at Jack Diamond, but he continues to let go. Taane starts screaming. First anger, then the surprise he gets when Hyperion dives forward on top of Taane to throw him over the ropes, but Taane uses the top ropes to swing over. This allows the momentum from the ropes to flip Hyperion over the top ropes! He hits the outside! The people gasp!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Hyperion has been eliminated!
Taane sees Hyperion hit the mat upside down. He has a smile on his face, but finds himself clinging on for dear life as Jack starts pulling onto Taane. Taane begins growling and struggling to stay in. Jack Diamond is a disgusting mess at this point, sweaty and stinking of desperation. Taane is bloody and certainly has a broken nose. As if things aren't bad enough. If the stakes weren't high enough or the situation dire enough, the ropes begin shaking. Jack Diamond begins getting kicked on. It's Rob Arnold! He's looking to eliminate both of them right now!
King: Rob Arnold is getting ballsy right now!
Hawke: THIS CAN'T END THIS WAY!
Rob Arnold begins stomping away. He begins punching. Meanwhile, Taane and Jack Diamond struggle to get to their feet. They're looking to stay in the game. They're hoping that they can finagle their way out of this. Both Taane and Jack Diamond don't necessarily enter into an agreement, but they both understand that if they want to win this, they can't be fighting one another and Rob at the same time. The two begin fighting back with Rob Arnold - feebly, but fighting none the less. With this added pressure, Rob Arnold finds it difficult to eliminate the other two. This allows Taane and Jack Diamond to get to their feet. Rob Arnold continues with his assault, but he throws a punch that both Diamond and Taane are able to dodge. They then grab the arms of the X*Crown Champion... or possibly the soon-to-be former X*Crown Champion. They're going for a suplex! THEY LIFT HIM UP! SUPLEX TO ROB ARNOLD! OVER THE TOP ROPES HE GOES!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Rob Arnold has been eliminated!
But Rob Arnold adjusts and lands onto the apron! All three competitors are all over and outside of the ropes, but on the apron. Rob Arnold lands on the far end opposite Taane.
Bonnie Jenkins: Oh... Scratch that. Rob Arnold is still in this match!
King: This is nuts!
Hawke: This is crazy!
King/
Hawke: THIS IS XHF!
The three competitors still in the XHF Rumble aren't going to go inside of the rings. There's no time. If you aren't on the offensive, you're on the defensive, and none of these competitors have the energy to defend themselves. Taane is in the middle of Jack Diamond and Rob Arnold. He's inherently in the worst position as he is forced to defend himself between Jack Diamond and Rob Arnold. He's throwing punches. He's constantly shifting between the left and the right. The speed and the intensity is only increasing in light of the newfound circumstances. Diamond and Arnold both throw a punch that hits Taane in the face all at the same time. The force was too much for Taane as it knocks him off of the apron where he lands outside onto his back. He looks up and realizes what has happened, where he's staring in awe.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, Taane has been eliminated!
King: Taane is out! Taane has managed to stay in the ring for over three hours! That's longer than nearly anyone else who participated in today's Rumble!
Hawke: And now there are only two left. Jack Diamond. Rob Arnold. AXW. AWF. Only one of these men can walk out the winner of the 2018 XHF Rumble.
King: We cant just do what we did that one time and have two people co-winners?
Hawke: Do you really want to tell these two people that they have to SHARE a belt? They would kill each other before the night is through!
Both Rob and Jack are in quite the pickle. They are both next to one another but both outside of the ropes. Both are in dire danger of being eliminated. Both hold onto the rope with their far arm and use their close arm to throw a punch. Punch! Punch! Punch! Both Rob and Jack are getting beaten up as they are unleashing themselves on the other person. And then Rob throws a punch. Then Jack throws a punch. Then Rob throws a punch. Jack blocks but doesn't feel the punch. After a moment he lowers his guard. What the hel- ROB ARNOLD HITS JACK DIAMOND WITH A SUPERKICK! Jack Diamond falls down! He quickly rolls himself inside of the ring!
King: Awesome ring presence by Jack Diamond! He gets taken down and knows to stay in the ring!
Hawke: And Rob Arnold is just being an asshole.
King: Maybe so but Rob has always been that way and if you can't tell by the gold that he been wrapped around his waist, it works.
With Jack Diamond on the ground in the middle of the ring, Rob Arnold has the time and the opportunity to get back into the ring and he takes it. He gets into the ring and looks down at Jack. He puts his boot on his face like a was trying to wipe off dirt from the middle of his boot. He then starts kicking Jack Diamond amidst an uproar of boos until Jack rolls onto his stomach. He grabs his opponents boot and pulls him into a half crab hold. Jack immediately screams. Hes tired. Hes sore. And guess what? It takes a few moments but before long, he begins tapping out! Heres the thing, though. It doesn't matter if you pin your opponent or make them tap, without a throw over the top rope, no one is eliminated! Jack Diamond is talking out, but Rob is holding on!
King: I thought Rob knew the rules of the Rumble!
Hawke: He does.
King: So what's up with this foolishness?
Hawke: Think about it, King. He is incapacitating his only opponent left. If Jack is so injured he came fight back, then that scumbag Rob Arnold pretty much already won.
Jack Diamond is in a world of pain. His mind is distorted. His sense of reality may as well be upside down. He knows it hurts. He knows its easy to give up and just tell Rob to eliminate him, but Jack Diamond is a fighter. A winner. He has faced adversity before. He has persevered through the fog of adversity and hes not going to give up! Not here! Not now! Not ever! Well maybe ever because he already tried tapping out, but not here! Jack forced himself to pull his body forward. He fights back against Rob and manages to grab the ropes!
Hawke: O...kay?
King: Grabbing the ropes also does nothing! Joey, can you explain this?
Hawke: Not this, no. I'm thinking that at this point, Jack is grasping at straws. Maybe tapping out and grabbing ropes from submission moves is a knee-jerk reaction, maybe he thought Rob foolishly thought this was something that could end by submission, but my bets are on Jack being desperate.
Jack Diamond looks back. His eyes widen. Rob Arnold is still holding on! Jack Diamond looks back to the ropes and grabs the ropes elsewhere down the line. He looks back at Rob Arnold is still holding on!
Hawke: For f*BUZZ*'s sake, Jack! IF ONE ROPE BREAK DOESN'T WORK, THE OTHER ONE WON'T WORK EITHER!
Rob Arnold is laughing. He's finding this extremely hilarious. He's laughing so hard he's loosening his grip, and that's when Jack Diamond strikes. He lifts the front half of his body forward and somersaults forward. This causes Rob Arnold to fall backwards... right into the exposed steel at the turnbuckle! It slams into the back of Rob's head and he falls forward! Jack Diamond takes the time to roll to the adjacent corner so that he can nurse his injured leg.
King: I can't believe Jack Diamond just did that!
Hawke: I pegged Jack for an idiot, but this was all an elaborate ruse! Everyone, Jack Diamond pretended to not know how the Rumble worked. He tried tapping out. He tried grabbing the ropes in a bunch of different ways in order to force the X*Crown Champion to drop his guard. What he was doing was finding his way to the corner so he can roll forward and and make Rob smash his head against the turnbuckle!
King: This was a trap that Rob set up for others. Instead, it hit him instead! Rob Arnold essentially fell into his own trap!
Randy Angel: As my main man, Michael Storm, would say in moments like that - Oh snap, yo!
Storm: (From a distance) I have never said that before in my life!
Jack Diamond isn't the only one hurt; Rob Arnold is also grabbing the back of his head. With the amount of force sustained in the back of his head, it's nothing short of a miracle that Rob Arnold isn't knocked out right now. However, even if he had been, it would still take possibly too much energy for Jack to get to Rob and throw him over the ropes. In fact, he's in a world of pain trying to get onto his own two feet. Based on the half-crab that Rob Arnold put on him earlier, putting weight on his left foot is akin to to running with crutches. It's just not pretty. Rob Arnold nearly recovers from that sneak attack from Jack. Well, as much as one can be. He looks to Jack and is beyond pissed. He runs to Jack Diamond, who quickly drops and pulls down to the top rope! Rob Arnold goes over the top rope!
King: He skinned the cat again! Rob Arnold is able to hold on!
Hawke: If Rob wins, just let him win. Don't tease me with an elimination like this.
It takes a little bit of time for Jack Diamond to get back onto his feet. He's breathing heavily. He's hoping the bell didn't ring because the timekeeper is just off his game. He turns around right to a heavy fist from Rob Arnold! Jack Diamond staggers back. As he swings back, Rob grabs him and picks him up. SUPLEX TO THE OUTSIDE! WAIT! Jack Diamond spins around! He lands on his feet! He grabs the outside turnbuckle and uses it to swing around so they are both on either sides of the corner. On and on, the two throw punches toward one another again.
King: This again?! I thought we were done with all of this outside the ropes but still in the ring BS.
Hawke: This is what the people want, King! They want high risks! They want death-defying moves! They want to get to the edge! This is the XHF after all - the one place where we can get away with the brink of death!
They're both tired. They're both bruised and bloody. They're both on fumes, beyond tired. No one should be this exhausted, this fatigued. But there's a championship belt to be won. The X*Crown Champion, which is technically a belt that represents a multitude of other championships merged in. This isn't just a championship; it's a championship beyond a championship. Calling it gold is like calling a trophy a paperweight. This is something people would fight for. This is something people would die for, and these two men aren't too far away with how much they are sacrificing for the chance of walking away. And this is a risk any wrestler would take. And speaking of risks, Jack Diamond jumps forward. He grabs Rob Arnold by the neck.
King: STACKED DECK! STACKED DECK!
Hawke: HE JUST THREW ROB ARNOLD TO THE OUTSIDE!
That's right. The deed is done and the smoke is clearing. Jack Diamond hit his finisher cutter to Rob Arnold and threw the two wrestlers to the outside. The bell rings.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, the 2018 XHF Rumble has finally come to a close! After a grueling six hours, thirty-one minutes and thirty-seven seconds, the winner of the XHF Rumble and STILL X*Crown Champion is Rob Arnold!Hawke: YOU'RE GOSH DARN RIGHT THAT JACK DIAMOND IS THE WI-Wait, what?
King: Oh no...
Hawke: What?
King: Let's move ahead with the instant replay.
The instant replay starts. Jack Diamond jumps forward. He grabs the head of Rob Arnold and pulls him from the apron, flinging both of them off to the outside. As they both hit the floor, it shows Jack Diamond's injured leg drooping, forcing his feet to hit the canvas before Rob Arnold's two legs could. Jack Diamond looks at this incredulously.
Hawke: Wow folks, what a match at what a night!
King: I don't know if we'll ever be able to top all this!
Hawke: Oh, I'm sure the XHF Network will find a way! We'll see you next time, folks!
Jack stares with disbelief as Rob Arnold is handed his two custom belts. Rob goes to the corner, climbs the turnbuckle and holds his championships in the air as the XHF Network's Rumble comes to a close.
" Jeffrey Viper smiles back then turns to Terry Bradshaw. "HEY, YOU. ASSHOLE. YOU'RE GOING TO PAY." Terry Bradshaw looks down and realizes what he has done. "Oh, you're right, my boy. I have made a serious error. Allow me to compensate you for your troubles." Jeffrey Viper smiles, thinking that he's going to write a check as Terry Bradshaw reaches toward the inside-pocket of his suit jacket. Instead, he pulls out a taser. He brings it to Henry Viper and shocks him, the jolt sending him over the top rope.
