Feargal HQ! Season 1: Episode 2: Fired Up Gimps!

[The King]

---

...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...
...LIVE AND IN LIVING COLOR...
...STRAIGHT FROM MOMMA GAIL'S BASEMENT...
...

...STARRING...
MOMMA GAIL: DEFINITELY NOT BONKING UNCLE ROGAN!
UNCLE ROGAN: DEFINITELY NOT BONKING MOMMA GAIL!
FEARGAL: THE ALMIGHTY LEGEND HIMSELF!
...AND SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES SUCH AS...
CAP'N FREDERICK NUKEBUSTER: THE PIRATE COUSIN OF FEARGAL!
FEARGALINA: HIS FEMALE NUDIST MODEL COUSIN!

---

Madonna - Like a prayer plays in the background as the lights to Feargal's basement light up and the crowd applause like thousands of dead souls added to the laughing track of a dead sitcom. We see Feargal, sitting at his desk, tapping away quickly, probably talking to those pesky internet freaks and sending those meh-mays to his anonymous friends. He slowly turns his head to look at the camera, and smiles with his yellowish teeth, the crowd cheer once more.

: Oh thorry! You caught me at jutht the wrong time!

He snorts and the crowd go crazy, laughing hysterically at such a funny meh-may. Then, he points at the computer screen behind him, the camera zooming into what we now see as a pro-board site, titled only as the XHF Network. He turns his head to look back at the screen, swiveling his chair around and twitching his nose, straightening his glasses out on his face. From his desk he picks up a tattered piece of black paper, with hand drawn designs of Darth Vader's mask. He puts it on his head and turns back to look at the camera, as the crowd become hysterical once again.

: I wath jutht roleplaying ath Darth Vader!

THEY EXPLODE WITH LAUGHTER, OH MY LORD, THIS IS SOME HILARIOUSLY WACKY STUFF! Kudos to the writing team, they seem to have their work cut out to a tee! Suddenly, the door to the basement SWINGS wide open and in-steps Uncle Rogan, his arms crossed and smirking as the crowd applause like wild. He winks at the camera.

: HEYO FEARGAL! WHATCHYA PLAYIN' BROTHA?

: Hey Uncle Rogan! I wath jutht roleplaying ath Darth Vader!

: RROLEPLAYIN' BROTHA?! ROLEPLAYIN'?! YO MOMMA LOVES TO ROLEPLAY BROTHA!

: Oh wow, really?

: MHM BROTHA! LOVES TO WEAR THE GIMP SUIT! SAY JACK, WHATCHYA GONNA DO, WHEN GIMPY GAIL RUNS WILD ON YOUUUU, BROTHA!

He flexes his biceps and puts his hands to his ear in a circling motion before slamming the door shut, the crowd wetting themselves at the comedic dialogue presented before their very eyes. Feargal seems confused, gimp suit? What's a gimp suit? He turns back to his computer, searching up the very words. G I M P  T H U I T . Suddenly thousands upon thousands of pictures of men and women in black leather clothing appear before his innocent eyes, not the worst he's seen, till he clicks, zooms in, and there, right where the genitalia should be covered, is a hole. His face becomes red and nauseous. He punches the computer screen with his fist as sparks explode and he jumps out from his seat in a fit. The rage begins to grow within him, his eyes, starting to flash with bombs being dropped from the sky. He twitches, he shakes. He becomes Feargal Nuk-

BANG!

The door to the room swings wide open again and in-steps Momma Gail. Feargal suddenly stops his transformation and smiles solemnly at his mother.

: Feargal! What on Earth is all that racket?!

She looks behind Feargal as her jaw drops and Feargal's face becomes bright red with embarrassment.

: Why on Earth haven't you brought your washing up back to the kitchen?! I say, oh I say, you're no son of mine!

She shoves the broken computer out of the way, not bothered by it one bit, and proceeds to pick up a plate with cold, dried baked beans stuck upon it, latching to the moldy surface.

: Thorry mum... I wath thaving it for later.

She sighs and as she walks past picks up a pair of his manky briefs from off the floor, sniffing them, before heading out of the door and slamming it with her foot. Feargal slumps onto his Ferrari car bed, his mind racing about what he just witnessed, gimp suits. He shudders at the very thought of them. His mother wears such a foul thing? How would Uncle Rogan know? He shudders some more. Suddenly, he gets the instant urge to call his faithful cousin, Feargalina. Maybe she will know how he can get over what he saw, after all, she is a nudist.

The phone rings. RING RING.

The screen splits into two, one side of Feargal sitting in his racing car bed, the other of Feargalina, nude with black squares covering her tiddies.

: Hello?

: Helloooo couth, it'th me, Feargal.

: oh... Feargal... How can I help?

: Well I've jutht thtumbled across gimp thuit-th. I wath wonderin-

SLAM!

She puts the phone down immediately as the split screen side swipes back into only Feargal. He proceeds to shout hello over and over again to no avail. He slumps down onto his pillow, dotted with pictures of Mr Men characters. He sighs. He sighs again. More melancholy this time. Then he shudders. Then, like the click of a special effects button, a light-bulb appears over his head.

: EUREKA! THATH IT!

He jumps out of his bed and rushes to the door of his room, swinging it wide open and exiting the set.



Suddenly, like magic, we're on a pirate ship. The waves crashing upon the side of the wooden boat. We see very stereotypical pirates roaming the ship behind where the camera is focused. Focused on Cap'n Frederick Nukebuster. Feargal walks into frame as Frederick cheers and like an ensemble, the pirates cheer aswell. Frederick spits into his hand and offers it out as Feargal reluctantly shakes it. Frederick pats him on the back.

: ARRRRRR! IF IT BE FEARGAL! AHOY THERE MATEY!

: Hey couth, I wath wondering if you could help me out with a little problem I'm having.

: YOU BE HAVING A PROBLEM?! THEN I BE HAVING A PROBLEM! TELL GOOD OL' COUSIN CAP'N FREDERICK WHAT TROUBLES THEE!

: Well you thee Fred, I accidentally clicked on a picture that I thouldn't have theen.

: OOOOH! A SACRED PICTURE DOES ONE HEAR? ARRRR! WHERE DID THY SEE THOU ART BEAST!

: On the internet.

: OOOOH! THE TINTERNET YOU BE SAYIN'?! I HEAR SUCH A PLACE BE FULL O' GOLD! ARRR!

: Thometimeth, yeth. But thith time. Thith time I thtumbled acroth thomething far more darthtardly!

: BRIMSTONE AND GHOUL, WHAT SHOOK'TH THOU MIGHTY?!

: *shudders* Pictureth of gimp thuit-th...

: ODDS BOBS HAMMER AND TONGS! THY EYES ARE CURSED FOR AN ETERNITY! ARRRRRR!

: Ith there any way my eyeth can be purified Cap'n Frederick?!

: OOOOH ARRRR! THERE BE ONE WAY, AND ONE WAY ONLY!

: What ith it Cap'n Frederick?!

: YOU MUST GO TO THE GIMP LAYER! AHARRR! THAT PLACE BE WHERE THE MOST GIMPIEST OF GIMPY PEOPLE THRIVE!

: Where'th that Cap'n Frederick?!

Cap'n Frederick Nukebuster pulls out a crusty roll of paper from his pocket and unravels it as the music intensifies, Feargal's face becoming anxious and worried.



: IT BE THE AY DOUBLE YOU EFF's FIRED UP EVENT! AHARRRRR! SO TELL GOOD OL' CAP'N FREDERICK, FEARGAL, YOU BE FIRED UP TO BEAT SOME GIMPS?!

The camera zooms into Feargal's face, grey, frozen like stone. The very look of this gimp federation scares the hell out of him. Then he blinks, shakes it off.

: I- I thure am! Th- thankth Cap'n Frederick! But I better go train! OOH! WITH UNCLE ROGAN! HE TELLTH ME HE'TH A FORMER WRATHLER! Bye couth!

: ARRRRR! SAFE TRAVELS MY FRIEND!



Feargal runs out of frame as we cut back to the basement, the door bursts open and Feargal enters. There, on his bed, is Uncle Rogan and a women in a gimp suit, he's wrestling her up and down as Feargal silently watches from the door. She's screaming, calling him a bad boy. He proceeds to say in a moan, shut up you fat whore.

: YETH! You go Uncle Rogan! Hurt that dathtardly gimp!



Suddenly both Uncle Rogan and the women in the gimp suit stop. Rogan's face is shocked, his eyes wide open. He pulls his trousers up and the women in the gimp suit screams before running past Feargal and out of the door, back up the stairs. Rogan is shaking nervously.

: Heyyyyyy, brotha! A ha!

He proceeds to give a slow punch to Feargal's shoulder and smiles very wearily.

: I thay, great work with beating up that gimp, Uncle Rogan! You may have thaved my life!

Uncle Rogan is confused, then realizes, Feargal didn't notice what was really happening.

: Ohhhhhhh, th- that was nothing kid!

: Can you teach me how to do that?

Rogan chokes and coughs in surprise.

: Uhhhh, yea sure brotha! Wha- what do you, uhhh, wanna learn?

: I wanna learn how to wrathle, Uncle Rogan!

Uncle Rogan slowly nods his head...

: Uhhhhh, sure brotha.

: ...

: ...

: ...?

: *coughs* Oh, yes. Let's uhhh, start with the basics brotha...

We cut to a training montage of Uncle Rogan helping Feargal get into fighting shape. Some shots are of them both eating asparagus. Another, a shot of all three eating at the table, Momma Gail is red and feels awkward, Feargal is play fighting with his carrots. Next we see Rogan and Feargal down the local butchers, where Rogan currently works. Feargal is beating the meat as it swings back and forth, up and down. Then, we cut to Uncle Rogan body-slamming Feargal upon his racing car bed, the wooden beams underneath beginning to break at their hinges. All of this is happening as Chariots of Fire plays loudly in the background.

We see Uncle Rogan with a gimp suit in hand, talking to Momma Gail, pleading for her to put it on and wrestle Feargal, just to make him happy and build up his self esteem.

We then see Feargal at school, playing a beat-em-up style game on the computer as the keys from the keyboard fling and ping everywhere.

Finally, we see Feargal body-slam a women in a gimp suit right through the racing car bed.

The camera zooms right into his face.



AWF, FIRED UP, WE COMING FOR YOU NI-

*STATIC*

---