Gun Show VIII: Iconic Showdown
Sept 26, 2018 15:01:11 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Rage (aka NoMercyMaster2001), and 3 more like this
Post by Venom 🕷 on Sept 26, 2018 15:01:11 GMT -5
Quake: Oh man, I messed up.
We open up the show outside of Venom’s gym, under the main entrance banner that depicts the Icons and Styler and Quake.
Randy: Not another joke about teaming with me.
Randy Angel, one half of the PPW Tag Team Champions and the brother of AWF star Nelly Angel, walks up next to his partner Kris Quake.
Quake: I don’t have time for jokes about you right now. I’ve got bigger problems.
Randy: Ol’ Randy is here to help. What did you do, and how can I help?
Quake: There’s nothing you can do. I was tired of waiting for our next PPW title defense or someone to emerge as a contender to my International Championship so I took up an offer from GUNS and booked myself a tag match against the Icons.
Randy: That’s not a problem. I’m right here. We got this.
Quake: I didn’t book the match with you. I hate you. I booked a match with a real partner, Johnny Styler, but he said he couldn’t come back for just one match because his job a Whole Foods wouldn’t let him have the time off. If he was going to come back it had to be a full time paying gig and GUNS isn’t really a full time paying kind of place.
Randy: So, you still have me. I can be Johnny.
Quake: I hate you.
Randy: I know you love me, that’s why this will be perfect.
Quake: Do you hear a word I say, ever.
Randy: Good, I’ll let the GUNS know I’ll be replacing Styler.
Quake: I’d rather forfeit and let the Icons win then team with you when I don’t have to.
Randy: I agree, we’re going to dominate these guys and show them what Off the Wagon is made of. I’ll go inside and let the GUNS guys know.
Quake: Please, don’t.
Quake turns to grab Randy and stop him but it is too late, he’s gone and we cut into the arena and BOOM POW BANG the sounds of fireworks fill the gym even though there are no fireworks because the gym isn’t zoned for pyrotechnics. The camera pans around at the screaming dozens of fans.
Venom: Welcome to the gun show. We are live…
Mueller: …Prerecorded…
Venom: …from my gym in Atlanta with the eighth edition of the Gun Show!
Mueller: Tonight we showcase tag matches of all kinds.
Venom: A shot at the tag team titles is on the line.
Mueller: The tag team titles are on the line.
Venom: And the Borgs are fighting… someone… RIGHT NOW!
*"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Mecha Gold-Bear III emerges from the mist with Evil-Borg riding on his back. Heavymetal-Borg come out next to them, air guitaring to the music. The trio make their way to the ring, Mecha Gold-bear III marching ominously toward the ring as Evil Borg cackles with evil laughter of evilness. Heavy Metal throws up the devil horns. Mecha Gold-bear III reaches ringside and turns on his rocket boots to fly a few feet in the air and lands in the ring. Evil gives Mecha Gold-bear III a pat on the head and climbs down. Evil grabs a microphone.*
: Ladies and gentlemen! Let us see what XHF legends will face us tonight! We have demanded Mueller to find us the toughest competition they could to warm us up for the End of Days tournament! We will get back to the top of the mechanical hologram covered mountain of the tag division! Show us what you got!
*The Borgs look at the entryway. “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett starts to play over the P.A. The fans go crazy! Can it be! They are shocked and amazed as a figure comes out into the entryway. And then they fall to a hush as it’s none other than XHF legend… in a bad way… Punker! Punker throws up his arms and demands some cheers as the crowd just look on in disappointment.*
Venom: Really Mueller? Punker?
Mueller: Gotta have him show up at least once a year. Besides, he is a former U.S. President.
Venom: Oh yeah, I forgot Curtis wasn’t the first XHFer to be president!
Mueller: Yeah, but Punker’s term was all make believe.
: THE CHAMP IS HEEEEREEEE! You can’t see me! My time is now! Word life!
: Really? This unoriginal bastard? Please tell me he has a decent partner!
*”Superbeast” by Rob Zombie hits the P.A. The fans are in shock at this one! Not a frenzy, but still a shock, as Mark Evil emerges from the entryway!*
Venom: Holy shit! Where’d you find this guy?
Mueller: Living under a bridge.
Venom: Yeah, that makes sense.
: You say you’re evil, but I am the one true evil! That’s why this match will take place… inside the “Highway to Hell” Triple Cage match!
*Mark Evil points to the ceiling, where there is nothing but ceiling.*
Venom: Mark Evil is calling for his signature match! But I don’t think that would even fit in here.
Mueller: He told me he only does Highway to Hell matches, and I told him no. Then I offered to buy him a burger and he forgot about it.
*Mark Evil continues to point toward the ceiling and Punker looks confused. The Borgs also look confused.*
: Scanning mode initiated… no metallic structures within range.
*Punker snaps Mark Evil out of it and has Mark Evil continue to move toward the ring.*
Mueller: You know, Mark Evil looks very familiar.
Venom: I hear what you’re crowing, but I can’t quite put my finger on that storm.
: Now, you may have heard you will face the Borgs! But you don’t know which! That’s right, because we are enacting the Complimentary Avian Rule!
: Wooooop! Ooooop! Wooop!
: Oh yes… sorry, I mean, the Free Bird Rule! Which we shall enact through all of the Annihilator Tournament! Mwua ha ha! MWUA HA HA HA! So be ready, for you do not face myself and Heavy Metal as I am sure you fools planned for, but Heavy Metal and Mecha Gold-Bear III!
Mueller: Can they do that?
Venom: You’re the commissioner.
Mueller: Oh right… yeah I guess.
*Evil steps out of the ring. Punker is talking to Mark Evil about who should start the match. Punker demands to go first so Mark Evil jumps out of the ring. Heavy and Mecha are discussing strategy and the ref tells them that one of them needs to start. As he does, Mark Evil is now down on the floor and reaches under the ring apron. He pulls out a barbwire bat! And then lights it on fire! He truly is the personification of Xtreme!!! He re-enters the ring and everyone looks at him confused. Punker is yelling at his partner to get on the apron. Mark Evil then hits Punker over the head with the flaming barbwire bat! Punker falls to the mat like a ton of bricks. Mark Evil then swings at Mecha Gold-Bear III, but it bounces off. Mecha scans Mark Evil, then shoots fire extinguisher liquid out of his mouth, putting out the bat. It follows that up by punching Mark Evil in the chest, sending him flying twenty feet out of the ring and into the crowd! Mark Evil starts body surfing as the fans just eat it up. The ref checks on Punker, but Evil Borg demands the bell to be rung. Mueller rings the bell and Heavy Metal dives on top of Punker. 1… 2… 3!
Winners: The Borgs
Venom: The Borgs have done it! The Borgs are victorious! They’ve finally won a match since losing the tag team titles!
Mueller: Eh, figured we had to throw them a bone, not like they’re going far in the tournament.
: YAAAAS QUEEN! MOMENTUM IS ON OUR SIDE! We will annihilate in the Annihilator!
As the Borgs exit we cut to a place we’ve been to many times before, the office of Charlie Velez. Charlie sits at his desk waiting for the camera crew. We zoom in cropped tightly on his face.
Velez: For nearly a year I have appeared on the GUN Shows teasing my return to the ring and adding a little silliness to my busy life. Each time I’ve been booked to show up we’ve set it up for me not to be there, issues with Uber at the Rumble for example, but now I have a shot at the X*Crown. At first it was going to be another joke. I was going to find a reason not to show up, but I’ve realized something, I want that title back. So for possibly one night only I am coming back to the company I helped turn into something amazing to take what belongs to me, the X*Crown Championship.
We cut back to the arena and Goldbear II is in the ring scratching his balls.
Venom: Now we take a short break from our tag team showcase for something…
Mueller: Special?
Venom: Yeah, special, that’s a good word for it.
Mueller: A better word is a di…
Venom: You can’t say that.
Mueller: What, I’m just talking about pen…
Mueller is cut off as Jackson walks on out through the curtains as the venue cheer EVEN louder! He wears the same attire as before, with the cocktail stick still in his mouth, he looks around at the audience and smirks. He places his hands upon his head and begins to do some slow sexy circles as all the female fans in the audience become completely aroused! Even men too! The camera pans up his hairy legs, to his white jacket and behind it his hairy chest, then to his chiseled jaw and his mustache on his upper-lip! He pulls the cocktail stick out of his mouth and flicks it into the camera. Jackson begins to strut down the ramp as the venue implodes with woos and cheers. He winks at a few females in the audience as they nearly faint, high-fives a few kids, and signs a few autographs. When he finally reaches the ring, he climbs onto the ring skirt and leans back on the ropes as a spotlight shines brightly onto him. He takes his shades off and looks into the camera directly looking at him, he winks. He then proceeds to enter the ring and strut around it as the "Metromaniacs" go crazy once more. He takes off his jacket and gets into his corner.
Mueller: Where did you find this guy?
Venom: Straight out of the 80’s baby.
Mueller: Oh no…
Poison: WOO! Let’s get this party started bay bay.
Mueller: Damn it.
Jackson smiles as Goldbear II does not remove his hand from his balls and Jackson reaches into his trunks and touches himself too. Goldbear II takes this as a sign of disrespect or mockery and runs at Jackson and knocks him down with a body block. Jackson hits the mat hard and then rolls away quickly to avoid a stomp from the huge paw of the giant bear. Jackson stumbles to his feet and quickly turns and readies himself as Goldbear II approaches. Goldbear II comes charging in again and Jackson is quick to leap and connect with a drop kick to the chest of the grizzly. Goldbear II stumbles back and shakes his giant furry head and charges at the Metrosexual again. Jackson is quick and drops and slides between the legs of the bear and moves behind. He quickly gets to his feet and runs at the bear and drop kicks him in the bear. Goldbear II stumbles and finds himself in the corner dazed. Jackson takes this time to pose for the crowd.
Poison: WOO! The Metrosexual was ready tonight baybay.
Mueller: No one to this point has manhandled Goldbear II this early on.
Poison: The Metrosexual isn’t a man, he’s a sexual being, woo!
Mueller: God I hate this.
Jackson runs towards the dazed bear and leaps to land a big splash on the grizzley, but no, Goldbear II gets both paws up and connects to the chest of Jackson sending him flying backwards through the air and back into the center of the ring on his back. Goldbear grabs the ropes to pull himself up out of the corner. Jackson in the ring rubs his chest as he gets up to his knees in the center of the ring. His chest has small dots of blood from where the claws of the giant bear made contact with him. He pushes on his chest to stop the bleeding and has taken his eyes off of his opponent and that’s a big mistake as Goldbear II has run out of the corner and is running at Jackson on his knees. Goldbear runs straight at Jackson and connects with his crotch to the face of Jackson. Goldbear II has dick slapped Jackson in the face and Jackson hits the mat hard.
Mueller: I don’t believe what I just saw.
Poison: OH NO! The Metrosexual is being beaten with his own penis power.
Mueller: Please stop.
Goldbear II stomps his paws in the mat and roars and the crowd roars right back. Jackson is rolling on the mat rubbing his face from the impact of Goldbear II’s giant dong. Jackson slowly gets back up as Goldbear II seems to be distracted by a fans sign with a giant kind salmon on it. Goldbear II is drooling and Jackson is back to his feet. Jackson moves behind Goldbear II and spins him around and punches the bear right in the snout. Snot shoots from the bear and Jackson rears back and strikes again, and again, and again. The bear stumbles backwards and uses the ropes to keep him upright. Jackson grabs Goldbear II by the paw and whips him across the ring. Goldbear II hits the ropes hard and comes bouncing back towards Jackson who is now in the center of the ring. Jackson meets him with a boot to the stomach. Goldbear II doesn’t double over but stops dead in his tracks from the impact. Jackson then grabs the paw of Goldbear II and puts it on his dong.
Poison: No way baybay. He can’t pull this off brother.
Mueller: Pull what off? Why would anyone put a bear paw on his di…
Poison: He’s gonna flip him, woo!
Jackson swings his hips readying to flip the giant bear, but the 200 lb weight difference seems to be too much for the Metrosexual. He swings his hips harder and the bear moves slightly, but he cannot seem to flip him. Goldbear slams his other paw against his wrist to break the connection and then slams the Metrosexual in the side of his head. Jackson stumbles away as Goldbear II stares at his paw that was seemingly stuck to Jackson’s dick. He doesn’t seem to understand what happened, just like everyone else in the world, but he’s taken too much time confused by this and Jackson has recovered from the blow and is now running at Goldbear II. The bear responds by reaching out with both paws, but Jackson counters by jumping up and catching both paws with his dong. He quickly flips his hips and flips the giant bear over, but he flips too. Goldbear II and Jackson his the mat hard and the ring collapses from the weight of Goldbear II’s impact on the ring.
Poison: Holy…
Mueller: …Shit!
This match is announced as a no contest while security and other staff rush the ring to help clean up and remove the two men in the carnage. We cut to a new scene while they clean up, it’s a dark room lit only by the glow of a television screen that is watching the event on delay, the Velez segment is just ending.
“So he thinks he can go back. He thinks he can go back and fight for the X*Crown. He thinks he can go back and leave me here.”
In the reflection of the television we can make out the shape of a face, we can’t tell who it is.
“There’s no way he’s going to go back and leave me in this hell alone. I won’t let it happen. I’ll stop him, by any means necessary.”
The television clicks off, but before the glow disappears we see the face of Mr. X, and as the scene goes black we cut back to the gymnasium.
The ring is repaired and Bud Lightyear and Ken in the Box are in the ring ready for their tag team championship match.
Venom: Now that the ring is back, we’re set for championship wrestling.
Mueller: What happened to you?
Venom: I had…er…things to attend to.
Mueller: Sometimes I hate you.
The lights to the gym shut off and the crowd begins to get on their feet in anticipation. The projection lights up on the main stage, showing the skyline of Atlanta and Ennio Morricone's "Ecstacy of Gold" begins to pour out of the gym speakers. Shots of Goldbear II trying to feast on salmon and cowboys riding horseback through the American West fill the projection. The crowd begins to sing with the music cheer for Goldbear II's appearances on the big screen. The final shot of "Ecstacy of Gold" has Goldbear catching and devouring a salmon in his mouth. Crowd massive pops for their favorite carnivore.
A lone harmonica for "Man with a Harmonica," by Morricone as well, begins to play while showing Goldbear II dining on a bloody feast of salmon. As the harmonica begins to the pick up and is accompanied by an electric guitar, Venom is shown in the video, and then James Mueller, and even Charlie Velez. It cuts back to Goldbear II and then action shots of Venom, Mueller and Velez. Eventually the song breaks down and goes right into "Out of the Black" by Royal Blood. More action shots of the Guns are shown before "THE YOUNG GUNS" come up in text on the projection. The "Young" flickers off and it now reads "THE GUNS."
The crowd pops as Venom and Mueller walk out in front of the projection and onto the main stage. The lights flash with every drum pop in the song. Both men look amped to be here and begin to walk down to the ring. Behind them on the main stage, Goldbear II comes out, dick and balls exposed, to the delight of every fan in attendance and watching at home. Mueller jogs up the stairs to the corner of the ring and pauses on the apron. He sways a little as he approaches the middle of the apron, one hand on the top rope. He leans towards the crowd, looks out, shakes his head at them with a smirk on his face, and then throws himself through the middle ropes on his feet. He spins around on his feet with his arms out to bit of nostalgic cheer. He jerks his arms to his sides and then calms himself down. Venom gets up to his feet and begins walking towards the ring and stops in front of the ring and looks from left to right with his hood still on and then enters the ring. Venom walks to the stairs with Goldbear II close behind walks up the stairs and across the ring apron to the middle. He and Goldbear enter the ring one at a time and walk to the center where he drops to one knee again and points to the sky. Venom and Mueller both meet up in the ring with a fist bump as they begin to take off their jackets and any accessories before the match starts.
Mueller: The greatest team to ever grace the XHF is in the ring.
Venom: The Guns are in there too.
The ref calls for the bell and Venom starts in the ring with Ken in the Box as Bud Lightyear pulls a Bud Light (the unofficial sponsor of the Gun Show) out of his arm box and chugs the beer. Venom laughs as Ken holds up his arms for a test of strength. Venom walks away and Ken stomps his feet. Venom turns back around still laughing and holds his arms up and slowly moves in to test strength with Ken, but at the last minute he drops his arms and pokes Ken in the eyes. Venom laughs and turns around to share the laugh with Mueller, but behind him nothing has happened to Ken because his eyes are just drawn on. Venom turns back around to Ken and takes a headbox from Ken.
Mueller: OH NO! What impact from the headbox shot by Ken.
Venom: Venom is rocked.
Venom is not actually rocked because getting hit by cardboard doesn’t really hurt that much. That doesn’t stop Ken from striking with it again, and again, and again, to no avail. All Ken has to show for it is a dent in the top of his box. Venom responds by pushing Ken stumbling him back a little bit then nailing him with a standing drop kick. Ken stumbles backwards into his corner and tries to make a tag to his partner Bud Lightyear, but Bud moves away from his corner, and pulls out another beer and chugs it.
Mueller: Bud Lightyear chugging Bud Light’s like it’s his job.
Venom: I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a job.
Venom goes to his corner and tags in Mueller. Mueller steps in as Ken stares at his partner who is ignoring him and playing to the crowd with chugs of beer. Ken decides to go on his own and runs out of the corner at Mueller and Mueller responds with a hip toss. Ken lands hard on his back. Mueller taunts to the crowd and then turns and taunts for Ken to get up, but Ken cannot. He is stuck on his back so Mueller puts his foot on him and poses as the ref counts 1, 2, 3.
Winners and STILL XHF Tag Team Champions: The Guns.
Mueller: It was a hard fight, but Mueller pins the Box.
Venom: It was a great warm up for their next match, but will it be against the Icons. We’ll find out next!
Back in the gym we find Off the Wagon in the ring holding their respective titles from their federation on the network. They are not Styler and Quake, clearly, because Johnny Styler is much better looking than the guy in the ring with Quake right now.
Venom: I thought we got a legendary tag team. Who is this dirty guy in the ring with Quake?
Mueller: I didn’t want to break this to you earlier, but Quake couldn’t get Styler to quit his job at Whole Foods to come down here.
Venom: You’re telling me the Gun Show couldn’t out sell Whole Foods?
Mueller: They are a huge chain grocery store.
Venom: My whole life is meaningless.
"Motherfucker of the Year" echoes around the arena as the fans start to boo. Trash starts to hit the ramp because they know what's coming. A few seconds later, Bobby Barratt and Jack Diamond emerge onto the ramp, seeming to enjoy the reaction they are getting. They take a slow walk down to the ring, savouring every boo, jeer and taunt coming from the crowd, while joking amongst themselves. They step through the ropes, entering the ring before awaiting the bell to ring.
Venom: Boo!
Mueller: Fuck these guys.
Venom: And their money.
Jack and Bobby seem to agree the former AWF Champion is going to start the match while the X*Crown Champion heads to the outside. On the other side of the ring, though, Off the Wagon is arguing. Quake is insistent that he should start the match, but Randy won’t let his partner take it on. Finally, Quake gets tired of arguing with Randy and exits the ring. Randy puts his hands together saying his thanks to Quake and turns around into a huge running clothesline from the Prodigy. Randy hits the mat hard and Bobby taunts the crowd who shower him with boos because they’re a proGuns audience. Randy quickly scampers back to his feet and Quake reaches in and tags Randy. Quake leaps over the top rope and he stares down the Prodigy. Bobby smirks as he moves in on Quake. Bobby reaches up and they lock up, but Quake quickly moves behind Bobby and locks in a rear waist lock. Bobby grabs at the hands of Quake trying to break away the grip. Bobby is able to break the grip, but Quake grabs onto his hand as he does so and spins him around and pulls him in going for a short arm rolling elbow, but Bobby ducks under. Bobby keeps the connection, though, and pulls Quake into him and wraps him up and throws him over his head with a release belly to belly, but Quake flips and lands on his feet. Quake doesn’t land cleanly and stumbles towards the ropes. He turns and bounces off and runs towards Bobby. Bobby lowers his head and Quake leap frogs over and hits the ropes on the other side. He bounces off again and runs into a big boot from the Prodigy.
Venom: BOO!
Mueller: If these two don’t get on the same page we’re gonna see more of this.
Prodigy taunts as Quake quickly scrambles to his feet. Bobby moves in on Quake and he is greeted by a basement drop kick to the knee taking Bobby down. Quake quickly pulls Bobby up to his feet and whips him into his corner. Quake follows with a forearm smash to Bobby and Randy tags himself in. Randy hops in as Quake yells at him for tagging in. Quake reluctantly leaves the ring as Randy elbow strikes Bobby in the corner and then grabs Bobby by the wrist and whips Bobby across the ring into his own corner. Diamond makes the tag as Quake quickly tags back in and begins yelling at Randy for sending Bobby into his corner. Diamond moves in the ring as Quake and Randy argue in their corner. Diamond smirks as he moves slowly across the ring. Neither Randy or Quake see Diamond as the Ace of Spades moves behind Quake and pushes him into Randy causing Quake to connect to Randy with his forearm. Randy looks shocked and angered and kicks Quake in the gut and connects to the face with a right hand and then drops and rolls out of the ring. Quake is stunned and turns around into Diamond who nails him with a forearm and whips him across the ring. Quake hits hard in the corner where Bobby jumps in the ring and lifts Quake up onto the top rope. Diamond runs across and leaps up and grabs Quake by the neck and drops him down with the Stacked Deck. Quake is out in the center of the ring and Diamond tags in Bobby and Bobby quickly climbs up the ropes. He leaps off with the Prodigal Press. He stays on top of Quake and the ref counts the three.
Winner and number one contender to the XHF Tag Team Championships: The Icons
Jack and Bobby jump up to celebrate as the Guns run into the ring and nail the Icons in the back with the tag team championships. The Guns quickly roll out of the ring after the cheap shot as the Gun Show goes off of the air.
We open up the show outside of Venom’s gym, under the main entrance banner that depicts the Icons and Styler and Quake.
Randy: Not another joke about teaming with me.
Randy Angel, one half of the PPW Tag Team Champions and the brother of AWF star Nelly Angel, walks up next to his partner Kris Quake.
Quake: I don’t have time for jokes about you right now. I’ve got bigger problems.
Randy: Ol’ Randy is here to help. What did you do, and how can I help?
Quake: There’s nothing you can do. I was tired of waiting for our next PPW title defense or someone to emerge as a contender to my International Championship so I took up an offer from GUNS and booked myself a tag match against the Icons.
Randy: That’s not a problem. I’m right here. We got this.
Quake: I didn’t book the match with you. I hate you. I booked a match with a real partner, Johnny Styler, but he said he couldn’t come back for just one match because his job a Whole Foods wouldn’t let him have the time off. If he was going to come back it had to be a full time paying gig and GUNS isn’t really a full time paying kind of place.
Randy: So, you still have me. I can be Johnny.
Quake: I hate you.
Randy: I know you love me, that’s why this will be perfect.
Quake: Do you hear a word I say, ever.
Randy: Good, I’ll let the GUNS know I’ll be replacing Styler.
Quake: I’d rather forfeit and let the Icons win then team with you when I don’t have to.
Randy: I agree, we’re going to dominate these guys and show them what Off the Wagon is made of. I’ll go inside and let the GUNS guys know.
Quake: Please, don’t.
Quake turns to grab Randy and stop him but it is too late, he’s gone and we cut into the arena and BOOM POW BANG the sounds of fireworks fill the gym even though there are no fireworks because the gym isn’t zoned for pyrotechnics. The camera pans around at the screaming dozens of fans.
Venom: Welcome to the gun show. We are live…
Mueller: …Prerecorded…
Venom: …from my gym in Atlanta with the eighth edition of the Gun Show!
Mueller: Tonight we showcase tag matches of all kinds.
Venom: A shot at the tag team titles is on the line.
Mueller: The tag team titles are on the line.
Venom: And the Borgs are fighting… someone… RIGHT NOW!
*"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Mecha Gold-Bear III emerges from the mist with Evil-Borg riding on his back. Heavymetal-Borg come out next to them, air guitaring to the music. The trio make their way to the ring, Mecha Gold-bear III marching ominously toward the ring as Evil Borg cackles with evil laughter of evilness. Heavy Metal throws up the devil horns. Mecha Gold-bear III reaches ringside and turns on his rocket boots to fly a few feet in the air and lands in the ring. Evil gives Mecha Gold-bear III a pat on the head and climbs down. Evil grabs a microphone.*
: Ladies and gentlemen! Let us see what XHF legends will face us tonight! We have demanded Mueller to find us the toughest competition they could to warm us up for the End of Days tournament! We will get back to the top of the mechanical hologram covered mountain of the tag division! Show us what you got!
*The Borgs look at the entryway. “Bad Reputation” by Joan Jett starts to play over the P.A. The fans go crazy! Can it be! They are shocked and amazed as a figure comes out into the entryway. And then they fall to a hush as it’s none other than XHF legend… in a bad way… Punker! Punker throws up his arms and demands some cheers as the crowd just look on in disappointment.*
Venom: Really Mueller? Punker?
Mueller: Gotta have him show up at least once a year. Besides, he is a former U.S. President.
Venom: Oh yeah, I forgot Curtis wasn’t the first XHFer to be president!
Mueller: Yeah, but Punker’s term was all make believe.
: THE CHAMP IS HEEEEREEEE! You can’t see me! My time is now! Word life!
: Really? This unoriginal bastard? Please tell me he has a decent partner!
*”Superbeast” by Rob Zombie hits the P.A. The fans are in shock at this one! Not a frenzy, but still a shock, as Mark Evil emerges from the entryway!*
Venom: Holy shit! Where’d you find this guy?
Mueller: Living under a bridge.
Venom: Yeah, that makes sense.
: You say you’re evil, but I am the one true evil! That’s why this match will take place… inside the “Highway to Hell” Triple Cage match!
*Mark Evil points to the ceiling, where there is nothing but ceiling.*
Venom: Mark Evil is calling for his signature match! But I don’t think that would even fit in here.
Mueller: He told me he only does Highway to Hell matches, and I told him no. Then I offered to buy him a burger and he forgot about it.
*Mark Evil continues to point toward the ceiling and Punker looks confused. The Borgs also look confused.*
: Scanning mode initiated… no metallic structures within range.
*Punker snaps Mark Evil out of it and has Mark Evil continue to move toward the ring.*
Mueller: You know, Mark Evil looks very familiar.
Venom: I hear what you’re crowing, but I can’t quite put my finger on that storm.
: Now, you may have heard you will face the Borgs! But you don’t know which! That’s right, because we are enacting the Complimentary Avian Rule!
: Wooooop! Ooooop! Wooop!
: Oh yes… sorry, I mean, the Free Bird Rule! Which we shall enact through all of the Annihilator Tournament! Mwua ha ha! MWUA HA HA HA! So be ready, for you do not face myself and Heavy Metal as I am sure you fools planned for, but Heavy Metal and Mecha Gold-Bear III!
Mueller: Can they do that?
Venom: You’re the commissioner.
Mueller: Oh right… yeah I guess.
*Evil steps out of the ring. Punker is talking to Mark Evil about who should start the match. Punker demands to go first so Mark Evil jumps out of the ring. Heavy and Mecha are discussing strategy and the ref tells them that one of them needs to start. As he does, Mark Evil is now down on the floor and reaches under the ring apron. He pulls out a barbwire bat! And then lights it on fire! He truly is the personification of Xtreme!!! He re-enters the ring and everyone looks at him confused. Punker is yelling at his partner to get on the apron. Mark Evil then hits Punker over the head with the flaming barbwire bat! Punker falls to the mat like a ton of bricks. Mark Evil then swings at Mecha Gold-Bear III, but it bounces off. Mecha scans Mark Evil, then shoots fire extinguisher liquid out of his mouth, putting out the bat. It follows that up by punching Mark Evil in the chest, sending him flying twenty feet out of the ring and into the crowd! Mark Evil starts body surfing as the fans just eat it up. The ref checks on Punker, but Evil Borg demands the bell to be rung. Mueller rings the bell and Heavy Metal dives on top of Punker. 1… 2… 3!
Winners: The Borgs
Venom: The Borgs have done it! The Borgs are victorious! They’ve finally won a match since losing the tag team titles!
Mueller: Eh, figured we had to throw them a bone, not like they’re going far in the tournament.
: YAAAAS QUEEN! MOMENTUM IS ON OUR SIDE! We will annihilate in the Annihilator!
As the Borgs exit we cut to a place we’ve been to many times before, the office of Charlie Velez. Charlie sits at his desk waiting for the camera crew. We zoom in cropped tightly on his face.
Velez: For nearly a year I have appeared on the GUN Shows teasing my return to the ring and adding a little silliness to my busy life. Each time I’ve been booked to show up we’ve set it up for me not to be there, issues with Uber at the Rumble for example, but now I have a shot at the X*Crown. At first it was going to be another joke. I was going to find a reason not to show up, but I’ve realized something, I want that title back. So for possibly one night only I am coming back to the company I helped turn into something amazing to take what belongs to me, the X*Crown Championship.
We cut back to the arena and Goldbear II is in the ring scratching his balls.
Venom: Now we take a short break from our tag team showcase for something…
Mueller: Special?
Venom: Yeah, special, that’s a good word for it.
Mueller: A better word is a di…
Venom: You can’t say that.
Mueller: What, I’m just talking about pen…
Mueller is cut off as Jackson walks on out through the curtains as the venue cheer EVEN louder! He wears the same attire as before, with the cocktail stick still in his mouth, he looks around at the audience and smirks. He places his hands upon his head and begins to do some slow sexy circles as all the female fans in the audience become completely aroused! Even men too! The camera pans up his hairy legs, to his white jacket and behind it his hairy chest, then to his chiseled jaw and his mustache on his upper-lip! He pulls the cocktail stick out of his mouth and flicks it into the camera. Jackson begins to strut down the ramp as the venue implodes with woos and cheers. He winks at a few females in the audience as they nearly faint, high-fives a few kids, and signs a few autographs. When he finally reaches the ring, he climbs onto the ring skirt and leans back on the ropes as a spotlight shines brightly onto him. He takes his shades off and looks into the camera directly looking at him, he winks. He then proceeds to enter the ring and strut around it as the "Metromaniacs" go crazy once more. He takes off his jacket and gets into his corner.
Mueller: Where did you find this guy?
Venom: Straight out of the 80’s baby.
Mueller: Oh no…
Poison: WOO! Let’s get this party started bay bay.
Mueller: Damn it.
Jackson smiles as Goldbear II does not remove his hand from his balls and Jackson reaches into his trunks and touches himself too. Goldbear II takes this as a sign of disrespect or mockery and runs at Jackson and knocks him down with a body block. Jackson hits the mat hard and then rolls away quickly to avoid a stomp from the huge paw of the giant bear. Jackson stumbles to his feet and quickly turns and readies himself as Goldbear II approaches. Goldbear II comes charging in again and Jackson is quick to leap and connect with a drop kick to the chest of the grizzly. Goldbear II stumbles back and shakes his giant furry head and charges at the Metrosexual again. Jackson is quick and drops and slides between the legs of the bear and moves behind. He quickly gets to his feet and runs at the bear and drop kicks him in the bear. Goldbear II stumbles and finds himself in the corner dazed. Jackson takes this time to pose for the crowd.
Poison: WOO! The Metrosexual was ready tonight baybay.
Mueller: No one to this point has manhandled Goldbear II this early on.
Poison: The Metrosexual isn’t a man, he’s a sexual being, woo!
Mueller: God I hate this.
Jackson runs towards the dazed bear and leaps to land a big splash on the grizzley, but no, Goldbear II gets both paws up and connects to the chest of Jackson sending him flying backwards through the air and back into the center of the ring on his back. Goldbear grabs the ropes to pull himself up out of the corner. Jackson in the ring rubs his chest as he gets up to his knees in the center of the ring. His chest has small dots of blood from where the claws of the giant bear made contact with him. He pushes on his chest to stop the bleeding and has taken his eyes off of his opponent and that’s a big mistake as Goldbear II has run out of the corner and is running at Jackson on his knees. Goldbear runs straight at Jackson and connects with his crotch to the face of Jackson. Goldbear II has dick slapped Jackson in the face and Jackson hits the mat hard.
Mueller: I don’t believe what I just saw.
Poison: OH NO! The Metrosexual is being beaten with his own penis power.
Mueller: Please stop.
Goldbear II stomps his paws in the mat and roars and the crowd roars right back. Jackson is rolling on the mat rubbing his face from the impact of Goldbear II’s giant dong. Jackson slowly gets back up as Goldbear II seems to be distracted by a fans sign with a giant kind salmon on it. Goldbear II is drooling and Jackson is back to his feet. Jackson moves behind Goldbear II and spins him around and punches the bear right in the snout. Snot shoots from the bear and Jackson rears back and strikes again, and again, and again. The bear stumbles backwards and uses the ropes to keep him upright. Jackson grabs Goldbear II by the paw and whips him across the ring. Goldbear II hits the ropes hard and comes bouncing back towards Jackson who is now in the center of the ring. Jackson meets him with a boot to the stomach. Goldbear II doesn’t double over but stops dead in his tracks from the impact. Jackson then grabs the paw of Goldbear II and puts it on his dong.
Poison: No way baybay. He can’t pull this off brother.
Mueller: Pull what off? Why would anyone put a bear paw on his di…
Poison: He’s gonna flip him, woo!
Jackson swings his hips readying to flip the giant bear, but the 200 lb weight difference seems to be too much for the Metrosexual. He swings his hips harder and the bear moves slightly, but he cannot seem to flip him. Goldbear slams his other paw against his wrist to break the connection and then slams the Metrosexual in the side of his head. Jackson stumbles away as Goldbear II stares at his paw that was seemingly stuck to Jackson’s dick. He doesn’t seem to understand what happened, just like everyone else in the world, but he’s taken too much time confused by this and Jackson has recovered from the blow and is now running at Goldbear II. The bear responds by reaching out with both paws, but Jackson counters by jumping up and catching both paws with his dong. He quickly flips his hips and flips the giant bear over, but he flips too. Goldbear II and Jackson his the mat hard and the ring collapses from the weight of Goldbear II’s impact on the ring.
Poison: Holy…
Mueller: …Shit!
This match is announced as a no contest while security and other staff rush the ring to help clean up and remove the two men in the carnage. We cut to a new scene while they clean up, it’s a dark room lit only by the glow of a television screen that is watching the event on delay, the Velez segment is just ending.
“So he thinks he can go back. He thinks he can go back and fight for the X*Crown. He thinks he can go back and leave me here.”
In the reflection of the television we can make out the shape of a face, we can’t tell who it is.
“There’s no way he’s going to go back and leave me in this hell alone. I won’t let it happen. I’ll stop him, by any means necessary.”
The television clicks off, but before the glow disappears we see the face of Mr. X, and as the scene goes black we cut back to the gymnasium.
The ring is repaired and Bud Lightyear and Ken in the Box are in the ring ready for their tag team championship match.
Venom: Now that the ring is back, we’re set for championship wrestling.
Mueller: What happened to you?
Venom: I had…er…things to attend to.
Mueller: Sometimes I hate you.
The lights to the gym shut off and the crowd begins to get on their feet in anticipation. The projection lights up on the main stage, showing the skyline of Atlanta and Ennio Morricone's "Ecstacy of Gold" begins to pour out of the gym speakers. Shots of Goldbear II trying to feast on salmon and cowboys riding horseback through the American West fill the projection. The crowd begins to sing with the music cheer for Goldbear II's appearances on the big screen. The final shot of "Ecstacy of Gold" has Goldbear catching and devouring a salmon in his mouth. Crowd massive pops for their favorite carnivore.
A lone harmonica for "Man with a Harmonica," by Morricone as well, begins to play while showing Goldbear II dining on a bloody feast of salmon. As the harmonica begins to the pick up and is accompanied by an electric guitar, Venom is shown in the video, and then James Mueller, and even Charlie Velez. It cuts back to Goldbear II and then action shots of Venom, Mueller and Velez. Eventually the song breaks down and goes right into "Out of the Black" by Royal Blood. More action shots of the Guns are shown before "THE YOUNG GUNS" come up in text on the projection. The "Young" flickers off and it now reads "THE GUNS."
The crowd pops as Venom and Mueller walk out in front of the projection and onto the main stage. The lights flash with every drum pop in the song. Both men look amped to be here and begin to walk down to the ring. Behind them on the main stage, Goldbear II comes out, dick and balls exposed, to the delight of every fan in attendance and watching at home. Mueller jogs up the stairs to the corner of the ring and pauses on the apron. He sways a little as he approaches the middle of the apron, one hand on the top rope. He leans towards the crowd, looks out, shakes his head at them with a smirk on his face, and then throws himself through the middle ropes on his feet. He spins around on his feet with his arms out to bit of nostalgic cheer. He jerks his arms to his sides and then calms himself down. Venom gets up to his feet and begins walking towards the ring and stops in front of the ring and looks from left to right with his hood still on and then enters the ring. Venom walks to the stairs with Goldbear II close behind walks up the stairs and across the ring apron to the middle. He and Goldbear enter the ring one at a time and walk to the center where he drops to one knee again and points to the sky. Venom and Mueller both meet up in the ring with a fist bump as they begin to take off their jackets and any accessories before the match starts.
Mueller: The greatest team to ever grace the XHF is in the ring.
Venom: The Guns are in there too.
The ref calls for the bell and Venom starts in the ring with Ken in the Box as Bud Lightyear pulls a Bud Light (the unofficial sponsor of the Gun Show) out of his arm box and chugs the beer. Venom laughs as Ken holds up his arms for a test of strength. Venom walks away and Ken stomps his feet. Venom turns back around still laughing and holds his arms up and slowly moves in to test strength with Ken, but at the last minute he drops his arms and pokes Ken in the eyes. Venom laughs and turns around to share the laugh with Mueller, but behind him nothing has happened to Ken because his eyes are just drawn on. Venom turns back around to Ken and takes a headbox from Ken.
Mueller: OH NO! What impact from the headbox shot by Ken.
Venom: Venom is rocked.
Venom is not actually rocked because getting hit by cardboard doesn’t really hurt that much. That doesn’t stop Ken from striking with it again, and again, and again, to no avail. All Ken has to show for it is a dent in the top of his box. Venom responds by pushing Ken stumbling him back a little bit then nailing him with a standing drop kick. Ken stumbles backwards into his corner and tries to make a tag to his partner Bud Lightyear, but Bud moves away from his corner, and pulls out another beer and chugs it.
Mueller: Bud Lightyear chugging Bud Light’s like it’s his job.
Venom: I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a job.
Venom goes to his corner and tags in Mueller. Mueller steps in as Ken stares at his partner who is ignoring him and playing to the crowd with chugs of beer. Ken decides to go on his own and runs out of the corner at Mueller and Mueller responds with a hip toss. Ken lands hard on his back. Mueller taunts to the crowd and then turns and taunts for Ken to get up, but Ken cannot. He is stuck on his back so Mueller puts his foot on him and poses as the ref counts 1, 2, 3.
Winners and STILL XHF Tag Team Champions: The Guns.
Mueller: It was a hard fight, but Mueller pins the Box.
Venom: It was a great warm up for their next match, but will it be against the Icons. We’ll find out next!
Back in the gym we find Off the Wagon in the ring holding their respective titles from their federation on the network. They are not Styler and Quake, clearly, because Johnny Styler is much better looking than the guy in the ring with Quake right now.
Venom: I thought we got a legendary tag team. Who is this dirty guy in the ring with Quake?
Mueller: I didn’t want to break this to you earlier, but Quake couldn’t get Styler to quit his job at Whole Foods to come down here.
Venom: You’re telling me the Gun Show couldn’t out sell Whole Foods?
Mueller: They are a huge chain grocery store.
Venom: My whole life is meaningless.
"Motherfucker of the Year" echoes around the arena as the fans start to boo. Trash starts to hit the ramp because they know what's coming. A few seconds later, Bobby Barratt and Jack Diamond emerge onto the ramp, seeming to enjoy the reaction they are getting. They take a slow walk down to the ring, savouring every boo, jeer and taunt coming from the crowd, while joking amongst themselves. They step through the ropes, entering the ring before awaiting the bell to ring.
Venom: Boo!
Mueller: Fuck these guys.
Venom: And their money.
Jack and Bobby seem to agree the former AWF Champion is going to start the match while the X*Crown Champion heads to the outside. On the other side of the ring, though, Off the Wagon is arguing. Quake is insistent that he should start the match, but Randy won’t let his partner take it on. Finally, Quake gets tired of arguing with Randy and exits the ring. Randy puts his hands together saying his thanks to Quake and turns around into a huge running clothesline from the Prodigy. Randy hits the mat hard and Bobby taunts the crowd who shower him with boos because they’re a proGuns audience. Randy quickly scampers back to his feet and Quake reaches in and tags Randy. Quake leaps over the top rope and he stares down the Prodigy. Bobby smirks as he moves in on Quake. Bobby reaches up and they lock up, but Quake quickly moves behind Bobby and locks in a rear waist lock. Bobby grabs at the hands of Quake trying to break away the grip. Bobby is able to break the grip, but Quake grabs onto his hand as he does so and spins him around and pulls him in going for a short arm rolling elbow, but Bobby ducks under. Bobby keeps the connection, though, and pulls Quake into him and wraps him up and throws him over his head with a release belly to belly, but Quake flips and lands on his feet. Quake doesn’t land cleanly and stumbles towards the ropes. He turns and bounces off and runs towards Bobby. Bobby lowers his head and Quake leap frogs over and hits the ropes on the other side. He bounces off again and runs into a big boot from the Prodigy.
Venom: BOO!
Mueller: If these two don’t get on the same page we’re gonna see more of this.
Prodigy taunts as Quake quickly scrambles to his feet. Bobby moves in on Quake and he is greeted by a basement drop kick to the knee taking Bobby down. Quake quickly pulls Bobby up to his feet and whips him into his corner. Quake follows with a forearm smash to Bobby and Randy tags himself in. Randy hops in as Quake yells at him for tagging in. Quake reluctantly leaves the ring as Randy elbow strikes Bobby in the corner and then grabs Bobby by the wrist and whips Bobby across the ring into his own corner. Diamond makes the tag as Quake quickly tags back in and begins yelling at Randy for sending Bobby into his corner. Diamond moves in the ring as Quake and Randy argue in their corner. Diamond smirks as he moves slowly across the ring. Neither Randy or Quake see Diamond as the Ace of Spades moves behind Quake and pushes him into Randy causing Quake to connect to Randy with his forearm. Randy looks shocked and angered and kicks Quake in the gut and connects to the face with a right hand and then drops and rolls out of the ring. Quake is stunned and turns around into Diamond who nails him with a forearm and whips him across the ring. Quake hits hard in the corner where Bobby jumps in the ring and lifts Quake up onto the top rope. Diamond runs across and leaps up and grabs Quake by the neck and drops him down with the Stacked Deck. Quake is out in the center of the ring and Diamond tags in Bobby and Bobby quickly climbs up the ropes. He leaps off with the Prodigal Press. He stays on top of Quake and the ref counts the three.
Winner and number one contender to the XHF Tag Team Championships: The Icons
Jack and Bobby jump up to celebrate as the Guns run into the ring and nail the Icons in the back with the tag team championships. The Guns quickly roll out of the ring after the cheap shot as the Gun Show goes off of the air.