Gun Show IX: Road Tripping (Season Finale Final)
Nov 28, 2018 17:25:24 GMT -5
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Mongo the Destroyer, Rage (aka NoMercyMaster2001), and 4 more like this
Post by Venom 🕷 on Nov 28, 2018 17:25:24 GMT -5
Mueller: “I thought you said we would never come to the woods at night ever again.”
Venom and James Mueller stand alone. It is dark, but our heroes are lit up by the headlights of an off camera vehicle. The surroundings are dirt and large trunks of trees. The sounds of birds chirping is the only sounds other than the two we can hear. James pulls out an airplane bottle of whiskey from his pocket and downs it.
Venom: “It’s not night James. We’re in the California Redwoods. The trees are so tall and so massive that they block out the sun in the dense areas. You would know what time it was if you weren’t asleep the whole trip here.”
Mueller: “Yeah, well the jet lag was a bitch. Is this where we are doing it?”
Venom: “Yes, this is where we are going to do it.”
Velez: “What is it we’re doing? And why did you drag me to California?”
Charlie Velez walks in from off camera, yes, he’s really here. After nearly a year of only being seen on camera in Chicago Velez is with his Guns partners in the flesh.
Venom: “We’re here to set Goldbear free.”
Velez: “I thought Goldbear was dead.”
Mueller: “Undead actually.”
Velez: “What’s that mean?”
Mueller: “He didn’t even watch the shows V. This guy.”
Velez: “They’re on my DVR. I’ll get to them.”
Mueller scoffs to himself, pulls out an airplane bottle of vodka from his pocket and downs it in a quick gulp.
Venom: “Not that Goldbear. The bear I rescued from the zoo and turned into my bodyguard and trained to be a wrestling champion.”
Velez: “I’ve really missed a lot. Where is he?”
The camera pans out and off to the right of the trio Goldbear II is pressed up against a tree using the bark to scratch his balls like a bear does in the wild. Velez looks startled, he wasn’t expecting it to be a real bear, or maybe just not a bear this massive with such a massive bear cock.
Velez: “I thought you were joking.”
Venom: “Nah, this is my bear, and setting him free is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Venom calls over Goldbear with his hand and the massive bear stops scratching his balls and drops down on all fours and walks over to the trio and then stands back up on his hind legs looming large over the trio.
Venom: “Goldy, it’s been a wild ride. You’ve had my back. You have been there for me. Now, though, it’s time for you to go, to be free.”
Goldbear II shrugs his shoulders and drops to all fours and runs off camera.
Venom: “Really? It was that easy for him?”
Venom rubs his eyes trying to hold back tears. Mueller and Velez each put a hand on his shoulders as Goldbear is seen in the background. He’s found another bear, it must be a female because he quickly begins to do to the bear what he was doing to that tree.
Mueller: “It’s okay, he’s better off now.”
Velez looks over his shoulder and sees what we see in the background.
Velez: “He really is.”
Venom: “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done”
Velez: “And THAT’S the hardest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Charlie says as he looks over his shoulder as Goldbear II pulls his throbbing cock out of the female bear.
Venom: “I know guys, thanks for being here for me. Lets go, let's get out of here.”
The trio walk off camera and climb into the vehicle they came in.
Venom: “Oh man, you were right, this is really what I needed.
Venom is standing with his brother-in-law and best friend Charlie Velez in a brightly lit elevator. They are dressed up nice in shirt and tie with fresh haircuts. They look like a million bucks, well Charlie does and Venom looks more like hundreds of thousands of bucks.
Velez: “I’m not much of a gambler, but there is nothing a boys weekend in Vegas won’t fix.”
Venom: “You’re really right. I can’t even remember why we came here I’m just having so much fun.”
The two step off of the elevator and walk down the bright tacky halls of whatever Vegas casino they’re staying in.
Venom: “It probably doesn’t hurt that when they heard your name they comped us the suite and cleared the high roller tables for us.”
Velez: “Yeah that’s always nice. It almost makes you forget they’re only doing it to get as much money as they can out of me while I’m here, almost.”
The pair reach the door of their suite and walk in. Both go from an expression of joy to a look of complete horror. The camera turns to their view and there, on both knees covered in blood is James Mueller staring at his bloody hands.
Mueller: “I…I...I don’t know what happened.”
Velez: “Are you alright?”
Venom: “Do we need to get you to the hospital?”
Mueller: “I...I...I’m fine. But she...she’s not.”
Venom & Velez: “Who?”
Mueller: “I...I…I didn’t catch her name. You know... the girl...the one when we were playing blackjack.”
Venom: “You mean the hooker?”
Mueller: “NO! She wasn’t a hooker. She was into me.”
Velez: “Yeah, because you were at the high roller table and she wanted to roll and rob you.”
James stands up, he looks his friends dead in the eyes.
Mueller: “Hooker or not, I think she’s dead, and I’m covered in her blood and I don’t know what happened.”
Velez: “Tell us everything you can remember.”
Mueller: “We came back to the room after we left the table. She poured champagne. Then we, you know, began the naughty tango.”
Venom: “The what?”
Mueller: “We started the salami shuffle.”
Velez: “Huh.”
Mueller: “I entered her cave, and left, and entered, and so on.”
Venom: “I’m lost.”
Velez: “Me too.”
Mueller: “I slammed my venison into her meat locker.”
Velez: “What?”
Mueller: “You know… Audibly… It sounded like running in wet flip flops. Like… fisting a jar of mayonnaise?”
Venom: “What the hell, what are these analogies?”
Mueller: “We started to fuck. Jeez, what is wrong with you guys.”
Venom: “We’ve been married a long time, with children.”
Velez: “Yeah, we don’t even know what sex is anymore.”
Mueller shakes his head in disappointment, then remembers he’s covered in the blood of a woman dead in his bed.
Mueller: “What are we going to do?”
Venom: “Don’t worry about it. Hookers die in Vegas every day, no one will even notice.”
Suddenly there’s a knock on the door.
“LVPD, OPEN UP!”
Venom, Mueller, Velez: “Fuck.”
Velez: “Quick, we’ve gotta get out of here. Let's take the high roller exit.”
Mueller: “High roller exit?”
Velez: “You really think the Vegas casinos want their rich and powerful clients getting arrested? Now follow me.”
“IF YOU DON’T OPEN NOW, WE’RE GONNA KICK THE DOOR IN.”
The trio runs off camera as a loud bang can be heard from the direction of the door.
Venom: “How did they find us?”
The sounds of sirens blare as we look at the trio from the dashboard of a car. Velez is driving with Venom in the passenger seat while Mueller sits in the back with a towel in hand trying to wipe off all of the blood.
Velez: “I have no clue. I wonder if this stupid rental has GPS tracking.”
Venom: “What the hell are we going to do.”
Velez: “We could stop, kick James out, and take off.”
James looks up with a look of shock on his face. The two laugh in the front seat.
Mueller: “Ass holes.”
Velez: “What did that sign say?”
Venom: “Now approaching the Grand Canyon.”
Velez: “Shit, we’re gonna be trapped.”
Venom: “Maybe it’s time to give up.”
Mueller: “No, we never give up. I’ve been studying new baseball statistics and I’m sure I can figure out the speed and launch angle we need to make it across the canyon.”
Venom: “How are you going to do that?”
Mueller: “How does anyone do anything? Google mother fucker.”
Mueller whips out his phone, it too is somehow covered in hooker blood. He wipes it clean and begins stabbing at his screen with his finger.
Velez: “I hope you figure this out quick because we’re approaching fast.”
Mueller: “Okay, it looks like we need to do at least 90 miles per hour.”
Velez: “Been doing that for at least 30 minutes now.”
Mueller: “Alright, to get that distance across we need a launch angle of....”
Venom: “Quick, we’re almost there!”
Mueller: “Hit that boulder there, that should get us launched.”
Venom: “Is it the right angle?”
Mueller is silent as Velez hits the boulder and they launch in the air soaring high over the canyon. All three men are silent and holding their breath as the car drifts through the sky. The car continues to lift, and then begins to descend and Mueller breaks the silence.
Mueller: “Probably not.”
All three men begin to scream as the car picks up speed towards the bottom of the canyon and the camera angle changes to a birds eye view in time to see the car hit the bottom and blow up in a fiery explosion.
Venom and James Mueller stand alone. It is dark, but our heroes are lit up by the headlights of an off camera vehicle. The surroundings are dirt and large trunks of trees. The sounds of birds chirping is the only sounds other than the two we can hear. James pulls out an airplane bottle of whiskey from his pocket and downs it.
Venom: “It’s not night James. We’re in the California Redwoods. The trees are so tall and so massive that they block out the sun in the dense areas. You would know what time it was if you weren’t asleep the whole trip here.”
Mueller: “Yeah, well the jet lag was a bitch. Is this where we are doing it?”
Venom: “Yes, this is where we are going to do it.”
Velez: “What is it we’re doing? And why did you drag me to California?”
Charlie Velez walks in from off camera, yes, he’s really here. After nearly a year of only being seen on camera in Chicago Velez is with his Guns partners in the flesh.
Venom: “We’re here to set Goldbear free.”
Velez: “I thought Goldbear was dead.”
Mueller: “Undead actually.”
Velez: “What’s that mean?”
Mueller: “He didn’t even watch the shows V. This guy.”
Velez: “They’re on my DVR. I’ll get to them.”
Mueller scoffs to himself, pulls out an airplane bottle of vodka from his pocket and downs it in a quick gulp.
Venom: “Not that Goldbear. The bear I rescued from the zoo and turned into my bodyguard and trained to be a wrestling champion.”
Velez: “I’ve really missed a lot. Where is he?”
The camera pans out and off to the right of the trio Goldbear II is pressed up against a tree using the bark to scratch his balls like a bear does in the wild. Velez looks startled, he wasn’t expecting it to be a real bear, or maybe just not a bear this massive with such a massive bear cock.
Velez: “I thought you were joking.”
Venom: “Nah, this is my bear, and setting him free is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Venom calls over Goldbear with his hand and the massive bear stops scratching his balls and drops down on all fours and walks over to the trio and then stands back up on his hind legs looming large over the trio.
Venom: “Goldy, it’s been a wild ride. You’ve had my back. You have been there for me. Now, though, it’s time for you to go, to be free.”
Goldbear II shrugs his shoulders and drops to all fours and runs off camera.
Venom: “Really? It was that easy for him?”
Venom rubs his eyes trying to hold back tears. Mueller and Velez each put a hand on his shoulders as Goldbear is seen in the background. He’s found another bear, it must be a female because he quickly begins to do to the bear what he was doing to that tree.
Mueller: “It’s okay, he’s better off now.”
Velez looks over his shoulder and sees what we see in the background.
Velez: “He really is.”
Venom: “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done”
Velez: “And THAT’S the hardest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Charlie says as he looks over his shoulder as Goldbear II pulls his throbbing cock out of the female bear.
Venom: “I know guys, thanks for being here for me. Lets go, let's get out of here.”
The trio walk off camera and climb into the vehicle they came in.
Venom: “Oh man, you were right, this is really what I needed.
Venom is standing with his brother-in-law and best friend Charlie Velez in a brightly lit elevator. They are dressed up nice in shirt and tie with fresh haircuts. They look like a million bucks, well Charlie does and Venom looks more like hundreds of thousands of bucks.
Velez: “I’m not much of a gambler, but there is nothing a boys weekend in Vegas won’t fix.”
Venom: “You’re really right. I can’t even remember why we came here I’m just having so much fun.”
The two step off of the elevator and walk down the bright tacky halls of whatever Vegas casino they’re staying in.
Venom: “It probably doesn’t hurt that when they heard your name they comped us the suite and cleared the high roller tables for us.”
Velez: “Yeah that’s always nice. It almost makes you forget they’re only doing it to get as much money as they can out of me while I’m here, almost.”
The pair reach the door of their suite and walk in. Both go from an expression of joy to a look of complete horror. The camera turns to their view and there, on both knees covered in blood is James Mueller staring at his bloody hands.
Mueller: “I…I...I don’t know what happened.”
Velez: “Are you alright?”
Venom: “Do we need to get you to the hospital?”
Mueller: “I...I...I’m fine. But she...she’s not.”
Venom & Velez: “Who?”
Mueller: “I...I…I didn’t catch her name. You know... the girl...the one when we were playing blackjack.”
Venom: “You mean the hooker?”
Mueller: “NO! She wasn’t a hooker. She was into me.”
Velez: “Yeah, because you were at the high roller table and she wanted to roll and rob you.”
James stands up, he looks his friends dead in the eyes.
Mueller: “Hooker or not, I think she’s dead, and I’m covered in her blood and I don’t know what happened.”
Velez: “Tell us everything you can remember.”
Mueller: “We came back to the room after we left the table. She poured champagne. Then we, you know, began the naughty tango.”
Venom: “The what?”
Mueller: “We started the salami shuffle.”
Velez: “Huh.”
Mueller: “I entered her cave, and left, and entered, and so on.”
Venom: “I’m lost.”
Velez: “Me too.”
Mueller: “I slammed my venison into her meat locker.”
Velez: “What?”
Mueller: “You know… Audibly… It sounded like running in wet flip flops. Like… fisting a jar of mayonnaise?”
Venom: “What the hell, what are these analogies?”
Mueller: “We started to fuck. Jeez, what is wrong with you guys.”
Venom: “We’ve been married a long time, with children.”
Velez: “Yeah, we don’t even know what sex is anymore.”
Mueller shakes his head in disappointment, then remembers he’s covered in the blood of a woman dead in his bed.
Mueller: “What are we going to do?”
Venom: “Don’t worry about it. Hookers die in Vegas every day, no one will even notice.”
Suddenly there’s a knock on the door.
“LVPD, OPEN UP!”
Venom, Mueller, Velez: “Fuck.”
Velez: “Quick, we’ve gotta get out of here. Let's take the high roller exit.”
Mueller: “High roller exit?”
Velez: “You really think the Vegas casinos want their rich and powerful clients getting arrested? Now follow me.”
“IF YOU DON’T OPEN NOW, WE’RE GONNA KICK THE DOOR IN.”
The trio runs off camera as a loud bang can be heard from the direction of the door.
Venom: “How did they find us?”
The sounds of sirens blare as we look at the trio from the dashboard of a car. Velez is driving with Venom in the passenger seat while Mueller sits in the back with a towel in hand trying to wipe off all of the blood.
Velez: “I have no clue. I wonder if this stupid rental has GPS tracking.”
Venom: “What the hell are we going to do.”
Velez: “We could stop, kick James out, and take off.”
James looks up with a look of shock on his face. The two laugh in the front seat.
Mueller: “Ass holes.”
Velez: “What did that sign say?”
Venom: “Now approaching the Grand Canyon.”
Velez: “Shit, we’re gonna be trapped.”
Venom: “Maybe it’s time to give up.”
Mueller: “No, we never give up. I’ve been studying new baseball statistics and I’m sure I can figure out the speed and launch angle we need to make it across the canyon.”
Venom: “How are you going to do that?”
Mueller: “How does anyone do anything? Google mother fucker.”
Mueller whips out his phone, it too is somehow covered in hooker blood. He wipes it clean and begins stabbing at his screen with his finger.
Velez: “I hope you figure this out quick because we’re approaching fast.”
Mueller: “Okay, it looks like we need to do at least 90 miles per hour.”
Velez: “Been doing that for at least 30 minutes now.”
Mueller: “Alright, to get that distance across we need a launch angle of....”
Venom: “Quick, we’re almost there!”
Mueller: “Hit that boulder there, that should get us launched.”
Venom: “Is it the right angle?”
Mueller is silent as Velez hits the boulder and they launch in the air soaring high over the canyon. All three men are silent and holding their breath as the car drifts through the sky. The car continues to lift, and then begins to descend and Mueller breaks the silence.
Mueller: “Probably not.”
All three men begin to scream as the car picks up speed towards the bottom of the canyon and the camera angle changes to a birds eye view in time to see the car hit the bottom and blow up in a fiery explosion.