.:The XHF Network Presents: The Rumble!:.
Apr 28, 2019 7:54:41 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, Kira Izumi, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Apr 28, 2019 7:54:41 GMT -5
XHF Network Presents: The Rumble
Time: April 28th, 2019
The Odeon of Herodes Atticus, Athens, Greece
Capacity: 5,000
Time: April 28th, 2019
The Odeon of Herodes Atticus, Athens, Greece
Capacity: 5,000
"Dionysus" by Kawir starts off with nice pretty riffs. We are treated with a nice early evening areal view on The Odeon of Herodes overlooking Athens, Greece where tonight's show will be taking place. It's beautiful as the slowly setting sun shines down upon the ancient amphitheater all decked out for the Rumble with people filling the stone seating. Soon though, the riffs start to cut through the flutes(?) and likewise shots of the men involved in the show tonight start cutting into the feed as we're rocked into the reality of how much combat this structure will be seeing as the night wears on. After running through the competitors- what, like around 50 total- we find our way to the commentary featuring XHF Network mainstays, Joey Hawke and Jerry "The King" Lawler.
Hawke: Good evening ladies and gentlemen! We are here live in Athens Greece at the historic Odeon of Herodes to uh....break tradition by holding a wrestling event in it!
King: Screw tradition, wrestling is the greatest exchange of the minds!
Hawke: I'm not gonna argue with you there. And tonight is gonna see a heck of a lot of minds! We've got a huge match featuring four teams duking it out for the XHF Tag-Team Championships. I don't know if I see anyone of these guys beating the Nihilists but who knows
King: Yeah! Anyone could get pinned by anyone!
Hawke: And after that we have the match that the event is named after, the XHF Network Rumble!
King: The biggest match possible!
Hawke: That's right, and all the men- and women- in the match will be fighting for the biggest prize of them all-
King: The X*Crown!
Hawke: We've got one heck of a show tonight, so let's not dilly dally any more and get on with it!
The lights dim as the sun slowly sets. Two male voices are heard softly saying, “Embrace … the emptiness.” The familiar video package for the Nihilists plays on the Xtreme-Tron. "Saviour of Nothing" by Disturbed begins to play and a single blue spotlight is thrown on to the stage. On the stage standing back to back facing either side of the arena are Esmur and Gebin, the Nihilists. Around their waists sit the XHF Global Tag Team Championship title belts. The camera zooms right up from the ramp to their masked faces as they slowly turn to look at it. They then walk past it and out of frame as it zooms out. The two men mean business as they quickly walk to the ring and slide under the bottom rope. The push to their feet and step to the center of the ring as the spotlight turns slowly from blue to pink to white. The two men remain back to back facing the two sides of the crowd left and right of the entryway. They remove their belts and toss them to the timekeeper. Gebin exits the ring and Esmur waits for his match.
Bonnie Jenkins: The following Four Corners Tag Match is scheduled for one fall, making their way down to the ring are the current XHF Tag-Team Champions. From the AWF.......THE NIHILISTS!
Hawke: The Nihilists have been nigh-unstoppable, even putting the breaks on Filth Factory's impressive winning ways.
King: But they might have their greatest challenge tonight!
Hawke: ....Really? Is that how you'd descri-
Joey is interrupted by the blast of "Waluigi & Wario Theme - Mario Tennis Aces Soundtrack'" coming through the PA. The lights flash bright yellow and purple. The crowd boo like crazy as Wario and Waluigi stalk their ways out onto the entrance ramp and taunt the audiences with their "WAHS" making the fan's ears bleed with the nauseating sound. Wario turns to Waluigi and shoves his chest, shouting "WALUIGI, GET THE WAHBLES!". Both men continue their stalking down the ramp and into the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Their opponents, now coming down to the ring. From Champion Wrestling......WAH MACHINE!
Hawke: ...As I was saying...
King: Hey! WAH Machine is one of the most active teams on the roster
Hawke: That's...sadly true....
"In The City" plays through the PA as the lights shine then go out to the intro, once the song kicks in the lights don a purple shade as Maverick and Drago Santiago make their way onto the stage. They head down the ramp and slide into the ring, Maverick climbs onto the second rope turnbuckle and raises his hand high and on the opposite corner is Drago in the same position but with his arms in an X shape.
Bonnie Jenkins: Coming also from the AWF, they are one half of the remaining Icons......DRAGO SANTIAGO AND MAVERICK!
Hawke: And representing the Icons, as left behind in AWF, is Maverick and Drago!
King: Drago has been on a tear!
Hawke: Yeah, in AWF, but let's see how they perform on a global scale
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Evil-Borg and Heavymetal-Borg come out together and Heavymetal-Borg is air guitaring to the music. They make their way to the ring throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans. They climb into the ring and Heavymetal head bangs until the match starts.
Bonnie Jenkins: And finally, hailing from .......THE AFTERWARD.....THE BORGS!
Hawke: "Greatest challenge"
King: They can't see the air quotes.
Hawke: Whatever, let's just watch what happens.
XHF Tag-Team Championships
Four-Corners Tag Match
The Nihilists (c) vs WAH Machine vs Icons AWF vs The Borgs
The bell rings as Gebin of The Nihilists and Drago of The AWF Icons start off this Tag Match. A few light leg kicks from both men start the action but Gebin goes higher with a kick, caught by Drago who sweeps the leg and raises his hands up before walking backwards, letting Gebin get to his feet. Both men get into a Collar and Elbow Tie Up, Gebin gets behind and drops Drago with a German Suplex and switches his position for a Snap DDT. Gebin brings Drago to his feet and lifts him into the Fireman's Carry. Gebin makes the Tag to Esmur as he scales the ropes, Gebin takes a few steps back and runs towards Esmur, rolling Fireman's Carry on Drago. Esmur hits the Swanton Bomb, he calls it the Void, and Gebin looks to quickly scale to the top BUT FROM NOWHERE, MAVERICK RUNS IN WITH A DROPKICK TO THE BACK OF GEBIN'S LEG.
King: That was a smart move from Maverick, Drago could have been done for easily.
Gebin sits on the second rope, a mere tree of woe position. Drago is dragged over to The Icons corner by Maverick who tags himself in. He leaps over the ropes and runs at Gebin with a Hesitation Dropkick. Esmur tries to fend off his partner but is caught with an Iconkick. Maverick hits a Running Dropkick onto Evil Borg, kiping up to his feet and connecting a Enziguri to Heavymetal Borg. Maverick lets out a roar to the crowd for what he done but Wario and Waluigi come into play, Maverick goes at Wario but he's lifted up and DROPPED WITH A 4D. Both men aren't legal and need to find Esmur WHO COMES OFF THE TOP WITH THE VOID AGAIN, RIGHT ONTO THE PRONE ICON!
WAH!
Hawke: Holy smokes!!
King: This match is full of high flyers!
Drago is then seen standing in the center of the ring, he finally finds the courage to run through the ropes and connects a Tornado DDT onto Gebin, spiking him onto the floor. Now Drago is the man standing ta- EVIL BORG WITH A SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT ONTO DRAGO! Wario now stands in the ring and looks down at the carnage below, all men outside finally get to their feet and they see Wario, he rebounds off the ropes and near enough jogs to the ropes and stops dead in his tracks, goes through the ropes and does a Stage Dive on top of them all.
WAAAAAAAAHHHHH
King: Down To Earth!
Hawke: The Icons might just steal it from under The Nihilist's noses!
Maverick barely rolls over Wario and lays on top of him for the pin.
...ONE
...TWO
...TH- KICKOUT
Wario gets the shoulder up in time. Maverick climbs to the ropes and looks to hit something big... To everyone outside the ring! He looks out to the crowd and then turns back to Wario... 630 SENTON!!! The crowd are in disbelief! Maverick gets to his feet AND IS BACK DOWN TO THE MAT AFTER DOUBLE BICYCLE KICKS FROM THE BORGS! Heavymetal Borg climbs to the top rope and Evil brings Maverick up there with him
King: No they won't....
Hawke: Yes they will.
Heavymetal stands on the top ropes with Maverick in the Electric Chair position but Gebin gets to the ring apron and pulls at the leg of Heavymetal, no budge. Evil tries to stop Gebin but a Kick is given to him. Gebin springboards... SUPERKICK TO HEAVYMETAL ON THE TOP! BOTH HIM AND MAVERICK FALL OUTSIDE THE RING, MAVERICK CRASHING THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Gebin runs to the ropes and hits a Handspring Cutter to Evil Borg, hooks both legs.
...ONE
...KICKOUT
Gebin brings himself to the ring apron and prepares to fly onto Evil, who's getting to his feet. He jumps onto the ropes... 720 DDT!! The crowd have become unglued!!! Drago comes in and throws Gebin over the ropes, he picks up Evil but he was waiting. The Olympic Slam on Drago but Drago keeps a hold on Evil's fingers, he bends and torques them back and at one point pops one out of it's socket! Evil screams in agony and Drago places his hand to the mat... Stomping on his fingers! Drago then connects the 'Heavy Metal Poisioning' Swinging Spike DDT onto Evil... The cover!
...ONE
...BROKEN UP BY ESMUR
Esmur comes back into the ring and stomps into Drago but he's caught by the leg. Drago swings his leg to have Esmur fall forward to the mat, Esmur gets to his feet as Drago runs with at him with a Bicycle Kick with Maverick somehow back in the ring to sweep the leg of Esmur to hit the Icon Shatter. Maverick grabs at Esmur's mask in a repeat of Prestige and pulls it down, but this time Esmur pulls back and the mask comes right off. For the first time we see his true face
King: Whoa they de-masked the Nihilist!
Maverick holds the mask in shock for a minute before getting a riott kick for his troubles. But before he can capitalize, Drago sucker punches Esmur. Esmur is then lifted onto the shoulders of Drago as Maverick climbs to the top, he launches himself at Esmur and hits the Iconic Destroyer! Maverick makes the pin...
...ONE
...TWO
...TH- KICKOUT
HE SOMEHOW KICKS OUT OF IT!
King: What does it take to finish these men off?
Hawke: A lot, by the looks of it.
Drago then picks up Esmur by the head, setting up the Heavy Metal Poisoning DDT again... SUPERKICK FROM GEBIN! Drago staggers backwards, letting go of Esmur. Gebin looks at his partner and then at his opponent. He pulls off the mask and hurls it at Drago where it temporarily blinds him, allowing him to hit a step up enzuigiri. He turns to look at the crowd and his partner:
Hawke: Now both Nihilists have been unmasked but it's like they don't even care!
Gebin lifts up his fallen prey, who's turned around quickly by Wario AND HIT WITH A 4D! Maverick stands on the ring apron and slingshots himself in, Wario ducks the lariat but WALUIGI DOESN'T! CROSS FIRE BY MAVERICK! Heavymetal Borg comes in, Maverick ducks whatever Heavymetal has in store... PURPLE HAZE TO WARIO! HE'S BLINDED BY THE MIST OF THE BORG! THEN AN ICONKICK TO HEAVYMETAL! BUT GEBIN CONNECTS NOTHINGNESS TO MAVERICK RIGHT AFTER! ESMUR COMES OFF THE ROPES WITH THE VOID ONCE AGAIN ONTO MAVERICK! THE COVER!
...ONE
...TWO
...THREE!
Hawke: YES!
NO! DRAGO JUMPS ONTO ESMUR AT THE LAST MILLISECOND! BREAKING UP THE PINFALL!
King: Something's gotta give at some point.
The Nihilists are in disbelief in Drago but Drago has no energy to fight back and is left laying in the middle of the ring, capturing his breath to continue. But both Esmur and Gebin look to finish him off, they've both climbed to the top and jump... Both successfully hitting Descent! Esmur makes the cover.
...ON- BROKEN UP BY WALUIGI
Waluigi pummels down on Esmur but Gebin strikes the long legs of Waluigi with some leg kicks. Waluigi gives in and is down to one knee... Superkick to Waluigi by Gebin. Out of nowhere, Iconkick by Maverick to Esmur! Gebin goes for a V-Trigger but is caught with an Iconkick! Wario gets back to his feet... Iconkick! Evil gets to his feet... Iconkick! Heavymetal gets to his feet and charges at Maverick... ICONKICK!
Hawke: It's a Iconkick Party!
Drago, somehow to his feet... Ic- No. Drago catches the foot of the trigger happy Maverick, he sees Waluigi getting back up and spins Maverick around... Spinning Heel Kick! Maverick falls onto Waluigi as Wario is being held down by Drago, the pin is made.
...ONE
...TWO
Wario powers through and brings Drago down onto Maverick with a Spinebuster. Maverick lays flat on Waluigi as Wario climbs to the top...
SWAN... TON... BOMB FROM WARIO ONTO... WALUIGI! MAVERICK MOVED OUT OF THE WAY!
Drago finally gets to his feet and Maverick brings Waluigi to his feet, Drago catches him in a Flatliner position and Maverick connects an Iconkick to Waluigi... REGICIDE DRIVER!!!! Drago pins Waluigi!
...ONE
...TWO
...THREE!
DING DING DING
Bonnie Jenkins: Here are your winners... AND THE NEWWWWW XHF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! THE AWF ICONS!!
King: The Nihilists have been unseated!
Joey: Yeah, and by fellow AWF scrubs too, that's really impressive. And now Drago holds two championships!
King: What a match!
Joey: And what an exciting way to start off the show!
The screen pops to life showing self appointed XHF Commissioner, Bobby Barratt sitting in his office. The crowd erupt into a mixture of cheers and boos. For a few seconds he just sits there, looking into the camera before clapping slowly. Eventually he addresses the thousands of fans in attendance.
Bobby: Well it seems my idea of the tag match really took off, huh? Those guys tore...it...up! So it got me thinking. If I can throw a match out like that on a whim, how about if I really set my mind to reforming the tag division? A division that myself and Jack Diamond once commanded with respect.
Bobby lets the previous statement hang in the air for a while. Icon chants ripple through the arena before slowly dying out.
Bobby: So... Without further ado. The new XHF Tag Division will run as follows. To make sure that only the BEST can challenge for these titles, I'll be implementing a point system. Each team will need to hit 5 points in order to earn a Tag Team Title opportunity. These will be gained by taking part in matches...well duh! 1 point for a loss or 2 points for a win. Easy, right? When you hit those 5 points, you'll be able to cash that in against a shot and the Tag Champs can start preparing for a defense.
The fans cheer.
Bobby: One more thing... To make sure that the Champs only take on the BEST of this division and not each Tom, Dick and Harry that throw on matching shirts and make a challenge.... I'm hereby abolishing the 30 day defense rule on the XHF Tag Team Championships! So while you've got those titles, you can chill out knowing you don't need to fly to who knows where to take on anyone in order to fill a quota. Icon out!
The camera goes back to Joey Hawke and Jerry "The King" Lawler at ringside.
King: Wow! That's gonna change everything!
Hawke: Yeah, the end of the 30-day rule for the tag titles AND a point system in order to get a shot at the titles?
King: That means that the global tag teams need to actually battle it out and earn a title shot!
Hawke: Well they might have a good chance to do that coming soon!
King: Oh?
Hawke: Take a look at the Xtreme-Tron!
The Xtreme-Tron lights up with a logo for.....
King: The return of Global Dominance!
Hawke: That's right, the challenge-based global PPV that pits some of the XHF Network's best against each other in the most violent matches returns!
King: 2019 is the gift that keeps on giving!
Hawke: Don't I know it! Keep your eyes peeled folks for your favorite superstars laying down the gauntlet to face each other!
After the thrilling conclusion of the XHF Tag Team Championship match that saw new champions crowned, the announcement of Global Dominance II AND the announced restructuring of the globa tag-team division the camera pans all over the venue, where 5,000 Xtreme fans cheer in the only way they know, the most xtreme ways possible. Bonnie Jenkins steps in the middle of the ring, where she stands beside a referee holding Bobby Barratt's custom-made X*Crown championship.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages. It is now time for the 2019 XHF Rumble match!
If the fans weren't thunderous before, they certainly are now. They chant ever so distinctly, "THIS IS XHF!" *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*
Bonnie Jenkins: In just a moment, the superstars who drew numbers one and two will start in the ring. From the moment they begin to clash, every two minutes, another superstar from the current XHF or an XHF alumni will come down and join the fray. There will be no pinfalls, no submissions, and no disqualifications! The only way to be eliminated is by being thrown over the top rope, with both feet touching the floor. The winner of this match is the entrant who is able to remain in the ring once all other competitors have been eliminated. That competitor will be the winner of the 2019 XHF Rumble AND X*Crown Champion!
King: Do you think Bobby can retain like Rob Arnold did last year?
Hawke: Well, the match does favor the champion, but there's a lot of strong competition this year.
Bonnie Jenkins: Without further ado, let's get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuumble! Let's see which superstar drew #1.
King: An entrance fit for a king! Jeffrey is all about style and waves within the XHF!
Hawke: Do you hear yourself? Jeffrey is nothing more than a peasant under Mongo's boot. I can't believe he'd be allowed into the Rumble match. This is blasphemy, I say. BLASPHEMY!
Bonnie Jenkins: And now, the superstar who drew #2!
"Absolute Zero" by Stone Sour starts to play over the speakers, Darlene comes out at the "The bloody angle, the symmetry Your cheap adhesive isn't holding me" eyeing the crowd for a second before she makes her way down to the ring, high-fiveing a few random fans here and there, she circles the ring slowly as her song plays, she then steps back, runs and slides onto the ring apron on her knee at "I can bleed if I want to bleed" she rests her back on the top rope her arms draped over it, she sticks her tongue out to the crowd, she then throws her arms out into the crucifix pose at "You're looking at an absolute zero I'm not the devil but I won't be your hero" She then turns and leaps into the ring, tossing her jean vest off either out of the ring or towards her opponent if they are already in the ring. She goes to her corner and starts to stretch legs waiting for the match to start.
King: The legendary daughter of the Messiah of Hardcore, Darlene, will be starting off this match against the man they call Jeffrey Viper.
Hawke: Poor Darlene. Wouldn't wish anyone to be where she stands right now.
King: Starting the Rumble, or against Jeffrey Viper?
Hawke: Both.
The X*Crown Championship
Rumble Match
Bobby Barratt (c) vs The World
Darlene circles the ring around Viper, throwing a quick one-two jab combo and stretching her arms out to limber up. Jeffrey just... pinches his nipples and scratches his balls. Darlene has to hold back vomiting, and Jeffrey points to his nether region and asks if Darlene would like some. Just as he says that, the bell rings!
[...DING DING! DING DING!...]
King: The 2019 Rumble is underway!
Hawke: Hope you grabbed your popcorn folks, because you won't want to miss a second of this!
Darlene immediately charges at Viper, who runs away from her. They run in a circle a few times, to the amusement of a few younger fans, before Darlene switches gears, running the opposite way. Jeffrey looks behind him, sees no one, and turns back to get caught in a hurricanrana from Darlene! He stands up, dropkicked right back to the mat! Jeffrey gets on his knees, holding his hands in front of him, pleading for mercy.
Jeffrey Viper: Please! I have a family, a really annoying and stupid son named Dylan. Maybe you know him?
But his pleas fall on deaf ears, as Darlene grabs him by the chin and shushes the crowd. In that split second of not paying attention, Viper low blows Dar, who folds over crumpled to the mat. Jeffrey kips up... or tries too, it's a lot of squirming and flopping around on his back, and points at Dar laughing.
Jeffrey Viper: Ha! How do your nuts feel? This is why I alwa-
BUZZ!
The timer going off nearly makes Jeffery shit himself, and he turns to the entrance ramp as "Itsy Bitsy Spider" plays. Out walks Cheyenne Tabbernacke, a bag of creepy crawlies over her shoulder. She skips down to the ring, Jeffrey Viper giving her a disgusted look as she drops the bag on the floor, and it squirms and jiggles. Something's alive in there, and it didn't like how it's been treated.
Hawke: Gross.
King: Who would you say is grosser? Cheyenne and her bugs, or Jeffrey and his...nipples?
Hawke: I'll pull an AWF and say that's a draw from me.
Cheyenne rolls into the ring, licking her lips and reaching into her top for something. Jeffrey looks on with interest as she pulls out a cockroach, flinging it to Jeffery who squeals like a girl! He's then met with a dropkick to the face, and Cheyenne straddles his chest, covering his mouth to drown out shouts of "I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!"
Squish!
Cheyenne turns, to see Dar stomping out the bug under her boot. She looks down, feigning an apologetic look on her face, which Cheyenne repays with a look of rage. She leaps at Dar, knocking her to the ground and rolling around like they're in a mud wrestling match. Regardless, this is to the amusement of Jeffrey, who cheers them on.
BUZZ!
The crowd cheers as "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit fires up on the PA system. From out of the back stumbles Randy Angel, multiple sheets to the wind and looking ready to fight. He takes a swig from his bottle of booze and makes his way to the fighting area.
King: The older Angel brother is here for the X*Crown!
Hawke: Think he'd spot me some booze?
Randy downs the last of whatever choice booze he's decided to drink tonight, before realizing he put on the CW Shooting Star Championship before coming out! He drops it to the ground, not even caring to hand it to a ringside associate, and rolls into the ring, grabbing Jeffrey and sloppily hitting him with the Drunk Dropper X. Jeffrey rolls under the ropes, falling to the floor.
Hawke: Ha! His feet hit the floor! Jeffrey Viper's out of the match!
King: He rolled under the ropes, Hawke, you need to go over to be eliminated.
Hawke: Drat!
Randy turns to the two chicks rolling around the mat, shooting them a cool finger gun, before jumping in and pulling them apart. He begins to lay into Cheyenne, pounding away as Darlene takes a breather, seated in the corner. Cheyenne tries to fight back, but Randy locks her in the Big Brother headlock! He gives her some hardcore noogies as she swings her arms around in terror. Dar, seeing opportunity, bounces off the ropes and dropkicks Randy's legs, getting him to hit Cheyenne with a Drunk Dropper X! The crowd goes wild as Randy stares blankly up, blinking into the light. Dar turns her attention back to Cheyenne, lifting her in a fireman's carry to drop her over the ropes. But Cheyenne's still got life in her, she struggles to be let go.
BUZZ!
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
The fans explode as Verdi: Requiem, Dies Irae comes over the PA. Subject #42 walks out, staring over the arena and roaring a monsterous roar. He drops the real Destiny Wrestling Heavyweight Championship, and makes a beeline for the ring. Jeffrey, Randy, Cheyenne and Dar all realize the threat level and begin to quadruple-team the Freak from Area 51. For a second, it seems to work. But then, big chop to Cheyenne! A shove that sends Randy all the way across the ring! Boot to Dar! He grabs Jeffrey and squeezes his head, but Dar comes back with a chop block! The tables begin to turn again in their favor, but Jeffrey makes the dumb choice to try to throw Darlene over the top rope! She hangs on, but as Randy goes for his vintage windup punch, he ends up socking her right in the jaw, knocking her to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, the first elimination of the night has occured. Darlene has been eliminated!
King: Bad luck for the up-and-comer, but at least the Absolute Zero still has an XHF European title shot to look forward to!
Hawke: Meanwhile, Subject #42 has regained control of the action in the ring, with a gorilla press slam to Cheyenne!
Cheyenne falls to the mat, and Randy Angel comes swinging at Subject. The giant merely swats at him like a fly, and doesn't see until too late Jeffrey running in with the Viper's Sting! This somehow takes out Subject, and Randy and Cheyenne begin to lay the boots into him! The crowd begins counting down to the next entrant.
BUZZ!
"Johnny Falls" by Hedley plays as Johnny Falls runs down that ramp, waving to the fans surrounding him. He rolls under the ropes and lifts Jeffrey Viper up and over his shoulder, spinning him around for a devastating spinebuster that makes him cough on the floor.
King: Falls came to the save of Subject #42! Will that alliance benefit him, or haunt him?
Hawke: Subject has like half a brain cell, he'd see it as a budding friendship.
Subject and Falls begin to work together, Subject the brute force and Falls the brains. They work together, lifting Randy up onto Subjects shoulder before spinning him off for a yokosuka cutter, which Falls catches Randy in a regular cutter. Cheyenne thesz presses Johnny Falls, knocking him to the ground, but Subject grabs her by the scruff of her neck and reverse choke slams her nearly through the mat. Subject and Falls march around the ring, laying into anyone who tries to recover and regroup. The clock begins to count down, and they both face the entrance ramp, to quickly stomp out their next foe.
BUZZ!
The opening riffs begin as we pan around the arena and soon focus on the stage. Kira comes spinning out from the back. He looks around before he starts walking down the ramp.
"She's gone
Cross a red line
静なる夜
突き落とすその瞬間に
何を巡らせ生きた?"
Cross a red line
静なる夜
突き落とすその瞬間に
何を巡らせ生きた?"
Kira circles around the ring, and Subject and Falls watch him with beady eyes. Kira quickly points to the side, and Subject turns away, leaving the duo vulnerable for attack!
King: Entrant number 7 is out, and he's about to bring the fight to Subject 42 and Johnny Falls!
Hawke: Just another AWF cretin. I hope he's thrown out quickly. No flips just fists!
Kira climbs up on the apron and hits a springboard dropkick into Falls, who kips up and tries to nail Kira with a clothesline. Kira leapfrogs over, and hits a strong style knee to the gut, sending Falls to his knees, before lifting him into a hurricanrana, that sends Falls flying into Subject!
Hawke: This isn't going to be good.
Subject turns around, and in a blind rage grabs Falls by the throat and heaves him up and over the ropes, rolling up the entranceway.
Bonnie Jenkins: Johnny Falls has been eliminated!
King: Falls took a pretty big fall there, wouldn't you say?
Hawke: Shut up King, that bastard Izumi just cost us the greatest team-up since the Mega Powers!
Izumi, Cheyenne, Jeffrey, and Randy all look at each other, before they turn their collective gazes to Subject. Subject lets out a mighty roar, and they all charge him. Cheyenne grabs at his legs, both trying to trip him and hold him in place. Kira climbs to the top rope and hits a beautiful spinning heel kick off the top rope, stunning the giant. Jeffrey and Randy just...kinda drunkenly wave their arms? We don't know what they're doing...
BUZZ!
...but we know everyone turns to the entranceway as the AXW Undisputed Champion, Anthony Caffrey, struts down the ring. He takes his time, observing the competition, before he walks over to King and Hawke, dropping his championship on the announce desk in front of them.
Caffrey: Keep this safe for me, fellas!
Caffrey rolls into the ring, and immediately begins directing traffic towards getting Subject eliminated. Kira and Cheyenne hold his legs while Randy and Jeffrey... well they're useless and fighting in the background, arguing about religion or some shit. Maybe booze. Caffrey steps through the middle ropes, locking in the Dreams and Nightmares. Subject flails around, but Kira and Cheyenne are able to flip him up and over the ropes, toppling to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Subject #42 has been eliminated!
Hawke: Just like that, the Destiny Wrestling World Champion has been eliminated!
King: Are we sure he's still champion? Their pre-recorded title match hasn't aired yet.
Caffrey quickly clambours back in the ring, as a dart flies through the air, stunning and putting the monster to sleep. A group of men wheel out a cage and lock the sleepy subject away. Back in the ring, Cheyenne, Kira and Caffrey all trade blows while Randy and Jeffrey are both dangling on the edge of the ropes.
Jeffrey knocks over Randy with a shoulder tackle, while Caffrey slams Kira into Cheyenne. Bodies all over the floor, the two remaining world champions stand face to face, before beginning to lay into each other. Caffrey quickly gains the upper hand, knocking over Jeffery with a swift punch and placing his foot upon his throat, smirking that signature showman's smile.
BUZZ!
But that smile soon turns to a look of fear as Inception hits. Maverick walks out from behind the curtain, the lights flashing rapidly down on him. With a skull half-mask covering his mouth and nose, the vibe is more sinister. His gaze never breaks from Caffrey, who stares a hole through him in return. Mav just circles the ring, eyeing Caff. That's when Kira sneaks up and dumps Caffrey over the ropes!
King: There goes the AXW Undisputed Champion!
Hawke: No, no! He's still holding on, he's skinned the cat!
Mav leaps into action, beating Caffrey into a pulp. He stomps Caffrey, each stomp filled with vigor and hatred for the champion.
Hawke: The AWF guys, teaming up to defeat the AXW Champion! We all know AWF would never stand a chance against AXW!
King: Ever see Blood Money?
Hawke: Ever see Diamonds are Forever?
The sight of Mav relentlessly laying into Caffrey is brutal, to the point where Kira tries to pull him off. This sends Kira bouncing off the ropes, getting nailed with an Iconkick that floors him. He turns to Randy, ICONKICK! Jeffrey, bitchslapped, and ICONKICK! Cheyenne pulls herself to the ropes, ICONKICK! BUt unlike the others, Cheyenne tumbles over the top rope to the floor, her head smacking on the concrete!
Bonnie Jenkins: Cheyenne Tabernacke has been eliminated!
Hawke: There goes RSW's representation!
Mav, satisfied with his work, turns into a Brotherly Love! Caffrey plants him into the mat, dusting his hands off as he holds his head. He slaps the mat a few times, psyching himself back into the match, before the countdown clock begins to tick down again. The crowd counts down to the
BUZZ!
...and there's a moderate pop as "Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Mecha Gold-Bear III emerges from the mist with Evil-Borg riding on his back. Heavymetal-Borg come out next to them, air guitaring to the music. The trio make their way to the ring, Mecha Gold-bear III marching ominously toward the ring as Evil Borg cackles with evil laughter of evilness.
Heavy Metal throws up the devil horns. Mecha Gold-Bear IV reaches ringside, and uses his rocket boots to fly into the ring. Except, the rocket thrusters don't work. They don't turn on. Mecha Goldbear tries to lift his legs up, but his robot-hips don't go that high. Heavy Metal and Evil both try to lift him up on his shoulders, but the super heavy metal that makes up MGB4's robotic suit is too heavy for either Borg to lift. The referee's tell them if Mecha Gold-Bear IV doesn't want to not be disqualified, he must enter the ring. They try to push, but can't even budge him. The referees signal to Bonnie Jenkins.
Bonnie Jenkins: Mecha Gold-Bear IV has been disqualified, and thus has been eliminated!
Hawke: Hahahaha!
King: Someone forgot to install the rocket boots. Or fill him with fuel.
The Borgs all argue back up the ramp, as the clock ticks down to the next entrant.
BUZZ!
Kenneth Casper slowly and methodically walks down the ramp holding a lead pipe in his right hand. You can slightly hear the click clacking of the Implement as it is dragged across the barricade separating the fans from the performers. As he rounds the corner at the end a cameraman shoves a camera in Casper's face only to be threatened with the aforementioned lead pipe. Casper precedes to walk up the steel steps and stands on the ring apron and points the pipe at the audience. He enters the ring and takes a mighty swing with the weapon at Kira, knocking him clean over. He then smashes it Mav in the nose, but Mav rolls out of the way and sweeps his legs.
Mav picks up Casper, and bodyslams him onto Kira, before climbing the ropes for a big Senton, squishing the two! Randy shoves Mav and Casper away, pinning Kira. The crowd chants "ONE! TWO! THREE!" and begin to cheer as Randy stands up, holding his hands in the air in sweet victory!
King: Randy is the new X*Crown Champion!
Hawke: The closest he'll ever come to holding the X*Crown is holding his knockoff beer version, the A*Crown or something like that.
Randy turns around, and sees Kenneth rising to his feet. Both members of KSW, and they probably don't like each other. Nobody in KSW likes each other. Kenneth takes a swing, but in a flash, Randy pulls out a Drunken Fist move and nails a drunk-and-spinning backfist to Kenneth, crumpling him to the ground! Randy keeps spinning like a helicopter, leveling Jeffery and Maverick. He's stopped by Kira, who dropkicks him to the mat. Kira picks him up and tries to throw him out, but Randy stumbles, both drunk and dizzy, and collapses in the center of the ring. Mav comes to, seeing the knocked-out Kenneth, and rushes to finish the deed, heaving him up and over the ropes to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Kenneth Casper has been eliminated!
Jeffrey blindsides Maverick, hitting him with the Viper's sting before trying to eliminate Mav. Mav struggles, but he is losing his grip. He's kicking and fighting, but all hope seems to be lost.
BUZZ!
But that's when Fever 333 blares from the sound system, and Nathan Santiago walks out, donning a BTS shirt, XHF Phoenix Championship on his waist and XHF Tag Team Championship over his shoulder. He lifts both belts over his head, helicoptering them around (looks a bit like this...
..but with two belts) before dropping them to the floor and running down the aisle. He slides in between Jeff and Mav's legs, before grabbing Jeffrey's hand and yanking him away from Mav. He shushes the crowd...
SNAP!
...and a very audible snap is heard, followed by howls from the younger Viper brother. He grabs his hand and rolls away, the XHF Tag Team Champions united in the match. The new power coupling begin to go to work. Immediately, they pick up Kira. Mav holds one arm while Santiago grabs the other...
SNAP!
Kira yanks his hand away, but not before Icons AWF begin to eliminate him. Santiago climbs in between the ropes, throwing punches at Kira as he's pulled over the top. Mav runs the ropes, and Iconkicks Kira! He wobbles, leans back, and does a backflip... LANDING ON THE BARRICADE!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Kira steadies himself. Mav and Nathan are in shock, slithering back in the ring to work on someone else. Kira walks across the barricade, to jump onto the close-by stairs, but a fan jumps up and shoves him down! He falls off the barricade, landing with both feet touching the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Kira Izumi has been eliminated!
King: No! His creative technique would have been perfect! Curse you, mystery fan.
Security jumps the fan, and before he's dragged away, tears away his hood to reveal...
BUZZ!
Hawke: Johnny Sniper!
Henry Viper, dressed as a security guard, decks another guard and tells Sniper to run, before he jumps the barricade, because he's the next entrant in the Rumble! Jeffery looks up and holds his arms out - but as he rolls in the AWF Icons hop up, lifting his legs and getting him up and over the ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: Henry Viper has been eliminated!
Hawke: HAHAHAHA!
Maverick puts his hand on Santiago's shoulder, and in instinct Santiago grabs his hand...
SNAP!
Maverick yanks his hand away, angry, while Santiago has an unapologetic look on my face, mouthing "Shouldn't grab me without warning." But this also comes without warning, as they're blindsided by Jeffrey Viper and Anthony Caffrey! Jeffrey Viper begins to lay into Santiago, beating him down as Anthony Caffrey jumps Maverick. The two Icons find themselves cornered, and with Randy still loopy on the floor from elimination attempt a while back, it's down to these four to determine who will stay in the match. Santiago is able to brush off Jeffrey with ease, poking him in the eye and locking in a cross armbreaker. Mav has his hands full, however, as Caffrey outclasses him in every way possible bar having a dumb haircut. Santiago separates the two, before decking Caff with a punch. She begins to put in work on Caff, before Mav points out the out-of-shape, wheezing old fuck that is Jeffrey. They both switch gears and begin to take him on, laying stomps and punches into the Champion Wrestling World Champion. Jeffrey curls into a fetal position, hiding from those attacking him.
BUZZ!
As "Nacho Man" plays, the camera is searching for Obsidian. Eventually, it finds him at the concession stand, nachos in mouth. He gulps the chips down and walks toward the fighting arena, high-fiving people along the way.
Obsidian picks up another rack of nachos, rolling into the ring and offering a bite to Caffrey, who's watching his weight and decides nachos aren't the best way to stay fit. Obsidian persists, and Caffrey bends to his will. He grabs not one, not two, but a handful of nachos. And if we learned anything from last year's Rumble, you don't freaking take Obsidian's nachos. Obsidian gulps down the rest and bashes Caffrey with the cheesy sheet tray, like a chair.
He then flings the tray into the crowd, probably killing someone, and turns to see Randy giggling to himself on the floor. He picks up Randy, and points to Caffrey, who's dazed on the ropes. They lock hands and go for a double clothesline to Caff! But he pulls down the ropes, having lured them into a trap! Both go up and over... but Randy lets go of Obsidian to hang onto the ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: Obsidian has been eliminated!
King: Randy screwed Obsidian!
Hawke: All's fair in the Rumble, King. There's no friends when the X*Crown is on the line.
Caffrey laughs at Obsidian, mocking about how he ate a handful of his nachos, and then something very important happens. What, you may ask?
BUZZ!
La Cabra Ultima comes out onto the stage, pumped up and ready for action, but a hooded figure levels him with a baseball bat! He then takes off his hood...
King: Is it Johnny Sniper again?
Hawke: No, it's new AXW signee, Kyle Anderson!
Kyle runs down the ramp, making a beeline straight for the AXW Undisputed Champion. He levels him with a rolling arm drag and begins to layeth the smacketh down, raining blows on his face. He steps up and turns to The AWF Icons, who offer a handshake. He smirks and accepts it, but then pulls Maverick into a shoulder block! He falls and Drago succumbs to a headbutt and belly to belly combo.
Randy tries to raise a glass, but I'm going to assume Kyle is straight edge and spins him for a neckbreaker! He looks at Jeffrey and hits a meteora into the corner. Kyle sweeps the field, and begins to make second runs, starting with a moonsault to Caffrey. "That's for avoiding me on the OFN sign-up thread!" Knee drop to the face of Drago, and elbow to Mav's ribcage. He looks up at the XtremeTron, where a timer has begun. He rubs his hands together, ready as the next entrant is about to be-
BUZZ!
...oh, he's already being buzzed out then, I guess.
The crowd pops loudly as XHF and AWF Alumni, and the younger member of Dos Angeles, Nelly Angel, runs down the ring. He slides in, and begins to trade blows with Kyle. Kyle goes for his Anderson Special, but Nelly catches him with a dropkick before he climbs the ropes and drops an elbow on Kyle! With everyone still feeling the effects of Kyle's blitzkrieg, Nelly walks over to Randy, helping his brother up. Seeing everyone down, Randy scrambles over to Jeffrey and makes a pinfall.
Crowd: ONE! TWO! THREE!
King: Jeffery Viper is eliminated! Randy is one step closer to winning the X*Crown!
Hawke: That's not how this works, King!
Nelly walks over to Randy, trying to explain how The Rumble works. As he does that, Kyle, The AWF Icons and Caffrey all rise to their feet and begin to brawl again. As they fight, Nelly keeps trying to explain to Randy how the match works. Randy's a lost clause though, and doesn't understand anything. He understands this, though.
BUZZ!
Some generic music plays as a generic looking guy runs down.
Hawke: Who the hell is this?
King: Says his name is Har D Cor... Hardcore... hehehe.
Har D Cor climbs onto the top rope and leaps onto the fray of wrestlers with a big splash, wiping out 90% of the field (Is it 90%? Math sucks) before Jeffrey Viper hits him with FISTING YOU WITH MY BODY! (isn't that the same as Viper's sting? Who cares.) Har D Cor crumbles and Jeffrey kicks him out over the top!
Bonnie Jenkins: Har D Core has been eliminated!
King: Our tenth elimination of the night clocking in as the shortest, beating out Henry Viper's short length by 9 seconds!
Hawke: Surely nobody will beat that.
Har D Cor makes a shocked face...
...as he realizes he's already going back to the locker room. Jeffrey laughs, before he himself is hurled over the top! Caffrey laughs and turns away, but doesn't stick around to see Jeffrey landing on a pallet jack! His feet never hit the floor! Jeffrey turns around, and Henry shoots him a thumbs up before lifting Jeffrey back up to the ring.
King: How innovative.
Hawke: How stupid.
Jeffrey climbs back in, seething with rage and FISTS CAFFREY WITH HIS BODY! He turns around and FISTS MAVERICK! Like, actually punches him in the rectum. Drago saves his buddy from sexual assault by kicking Viper in the jaw! With comic timing,
BUZZ
PITO SUTE AKILAGI!
IT AIN’T GOOD
IT AIN’T GOOD ‘COS YOU’LL GET JUMPED IN MY HOOD!
Va’aiga walks out into the entrance area, throwing a few boxing style jabs and crosses as part of his warm up from under the shade of his Maori Flag entrance robe. With the final uppercut, Va’aiga throws his head back and slides the hood back with it.
Crowd: BOO-YAH!
Va'aiga steps in and all eyes are immediately on him. You could hear a pin drop in the silent stand-off right at that moment. Jeffrey charges at him first and gets hit with a big boot. Dos Angeles and The Icons all charge, but a giant splash counters all their efforts. All who's left standing are Caffrey and Kyle. Va'aiga charges them, and Caffrey sacrifices Kyle, who's hit with
King: THE LAAAARIAAAAT!
And then it's just Caffrey and Va'aiga. Caffrey looks around, and there's no one to shield him from the rage machine. He looks around, and rolls out under the ropes. He laughs, having outsmarted the Maori but the Maori just climbs out the other side and charges Caffrey. Caff turns around, and gets hit with
Hawke: THE LAAAARIAAAAT!
Caff crumples under the 24 inch python of The Maori, who rolls him back in the ring.
BUZZ!
RATM begins to play. The screen plays a noir image of crows flying around a derelict building. Letting the music build up, StormCrow appears as the music kicks in, walking out from the gorilla position with his arms outstretched to cheers from the fans. In one hand he is holding a bottle of whiskey, swishing it as he takes a spin on stage before continuing to the ring.
King: The Stormcrow! Is! Here!
Hawke: He's nothing but an old drunkard. He'll fit in well with Randy.
Crow stands up to Va'aiga, who beats his chest. Tommy responds by swigging his whiskey and spraying it right in the face of Va'aiga! He follows up with a low blow!
King: Crow is a dick to the Maori's Maori's.
Hawke: What?
King: Just making a joke that Maverick will understand.
Hawke: Fourth wall, King!
Crow turns to Randy, and hands him his whiskey, which Randy accepts and chugs. Yeah, he chugs Crow's whiskey. Nobody chugs his whiskey. Crow tries to wrest the bottle back, but Randy, rejuvenated by the booze, smashes the bottle over Crow's head!
Dos Angeles are to their feet now, as are Icons AWF. The Angels motion around their waists, making it clear they have tag gold on their minds. The quartet begin to brawl, Drago and Nelly throwing hands and Randy chopping the piss out of Maverick. Caffrey and Kyle are coming to their senses and are beginning to heave blows at one another. Stormcrow gets up, now bloodied, and he and Maverick double team Randy. Va'aiga holds his babymaker. The buzzer goes off.
BUZZ!
Johnny Sniper comes running down the ramp, sliding into the ring. He drops a elbow on the giant Maori, still reeling on the outside, and rolls into the ring! Immediate, he feels the harsh feeling of chair and tumbles up and over the ropes, a falling to the outside as Kira Izumi levels him with a chair!
Bonnie Jenkins: Johnny Sniper has been eliminated!
King: That was unfair! Kira screwed Sniper out of the Rumble!
Hawke: They screwed each other, and it was justly so. Less AWF in the Rumble is better for the rest of us!
Kira is escorted to the back by referees as Sniper begins to arise. But The Maori is at his feet, and remembers what the Sniper did to him. He rears back...
King and Hawke: THE LAAAARIAAAAT!
Va'aiga climbs back in the ring, lets out an angry roar before going ham on everyone! Double ax handle to Drago, chops to Dos Angeles. A boot to Caffrey, gorilla press slam on Viper. Maverick and Kyle are leveled with double lariats, and a large german suplex is hit on Stormcrow. Once again, the Maori has wiped out the competition. Can anyone stop him?
BUZZ!
4 well-toned men dressed in native Hawaiian grab appear on stage, they perform the Ke Kai O Kahiki warrior hula, before 8 more men bring a covered chair onto the stage. The cover of th chair is romoved, and the rider is seen asleep. One of the men try to wake him up, and Kahuna awakens. He roars, and that catches the attention of the Maori. Kahuna and Va'aiga stand face to face, Va'aiga barely towering over the Flyin' Hawaiian. They begin to trade blows, each one rocking the core of the arena.
King: Can we afford to have two bulldozers plow over this arena?
Hawke: I've no clue, King. I don't want to test that, even though Mongo's wallet obviously covers that.
BUZZ!
King: Time for another entrant already?
We cut to a quick commercial promoting something stupid that Mongo has an affinity for, and come back to Jordan Cassidy squaring up to the savage behemoths that are Kahuna and Va'aiga. Kahuna simply swats Cassidy to the side, and they keep brawling. Lefts and rights are shared, and Kahuna is able to gain an upper hand before Va'aiga headbutts him so bad he might've shat himself.
Bonnie Jenkins: Kyle Anderson has been eliminated.
King: Wait what? The cameras missed that.
Hawke: And so did we evidently! Let's see a replay!
The replay shows Kyle Anderson lean Caffrey against the ropes, and step back for a clothesline to eliminate. Caffrey is able to pull the ropes down and Kyle goes up and over.
Hawke: Well, this certainly builds to a story for the future! Good luck in your future endeavors Kyle.
King: He's not fired, Hawke.
Kyle begins to make his way up the ramp-
BUZZ!
Gently by Slipknot plays, and the Rumble meetup we'd been waiting for has finish come to fruition. Hyperion comes from the back, lumbering down and staring right at Va'aiga. He climbs over the top into the ring, and immediately decks Jordan Cassidy with the First Principle! Va'aiga, now in the dick measuring contest, responds by hitting Kahuna with The Lariat! Eliminating him from the match as he topples over the top!
Bonnie Jenkins: Kahuna has been eliminated!
Hyperion, not liking the one-upsmanship, picks up Jordan Cassidy, and throws him out with one hand!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jordan Cassidy has been eliminated!
Hyperion barely has time to breath before he is assaulted by Maverick! The Iconic Prince lays into the God, and Drago joins him. He's able to easily shrug off the boys, punching Mav into the face and sending him flying across the ring. He throws Drago over the ropes, but Santiago hangs on! He sees Va'aiga rushing him, and pulls the ropes down as Va'aiga clobbers Hyperion, eliminating him from the match!
Bonnie Jenkins: Hyperion has been eliminated!
Va'aiga quickly turns to Drago, grabbing him and posting him on the steel ring post. The impact nearly KO's Drago, but it messes him up enough to make him lose his grip and falls to the floor.
Bonnie Jenkins: Nathan Santiago has been eliminated!
Maverick has a look of fear appear on his face, he's got no one backing him now. He's all by himself.
BUZZ
As soon as the sultry guitars of "I Touch Myself" by Divinyls play, Ember walks into view. She licks her lips as she takes a step into view. As she steps forward, she runs her hands through her hair as she gyrates her hips. She tries to move toward the audience to slap their hands, but they try to avoid her. She looks to the other side of the entranceway and spots a young bachelor. She gives him a wink, and his face goes green. Regardless, she persisted.
She slides under the ropes into the ring, immediately targeting the buddy of her soon-to-be fiance, Jack Diamond. She crawls seductively to him, and Mav backs away, kicking at her. But she mounts him, licking her lips, and starts punching him square in the face. She turns her attention to Caffrey, shoving her ass in his face. Va'aiga irish whips Viper into the corner, where he falls seated, and Ember jumps at him with a bronco buster, shoving her manly lady parts into Jeffrey's face. She goes to high-five Va'aiga, but she's quickly grabbed by Va'aiga and thrown over the ropes, crashing through an announce table!
Bonnie Jenkins: Ember Ferrari has been eliminated!
A referee goes to check on Ember, but finds she isn't moving.
BUZZ!
Travis Monroe runs out and slides into the ring, quickly targeting the age old Stormcrow and trying to eliminate him. He grabs Crow in a headlock, but Crow lifts him up for Death Becomes You! Monroe splats on the mat and Stormcrow looks at him, disappointed.
Va'aiga comes up behind Crow, grabbing him in a vice-like headlock and suplexes him across the ring. Yes, suplexes him by the head across the ring. He nearly rips off Crow's head before glancing down at Monroe, picking him up and chopping him in the chest. Monroe crouches down, and before Va'aiga can finish the job Dos Angeles run at him again! Nelly hammers onto his back while Randy spins around a few times, before smashing his fist into Va'aiga's face. But the Maori feels no pain, only anger, and he levels both of them with kicks and punches of his own.
BUZZ
Heavy Metal Never Dies by Iron Savior hits over the P.A. System as Victor Creed walks out from back. He makes down to the ring but stops right in front of it. He takes a moment to take in the noise of the crowd before climbing up on the apron and steps through the ropes.
Jeffrey Viper: SON!
Jeffrey runs at Victor Creed, who's still in his entrance gear. He quickly whips his tailcoats at Jeffery, throwing off his sunglasses and jacket. But that split second of not paying attention costs him, as Jeffrey hits him with a dropkick that sends him out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Victor Creed has been eliminated!
Jeffrey Viper: Victor Creed? That is clearly my son, Dylan Viper!
King: ...
Hawke: What an idiot. What a f-
BUZZ!
Hawke: -ing idiot.
"Call of Ktulu" plays as Tabitha Osbourne is wheeled out, strapped to a hand truck, wrapped up in a straight jacket and Hannibal Lecter mask. They release Zolothoch, and she charges the ring, immediately tackles Travis Monroe. She lifts him on his shoulder, and dumps him over the ropes for elimination!
Bonnie Jenkins: Travis Monroe has been eliminated!
Hawke: Write us a book on how much of a failure you are, Monroe!
King: Somebody drank a glass of Rob Arnold's Jerk Juice this morning.
The remaining competitors in the ring, Jeffrey, Caffrey, Maverick, Dos Angeles, Stormcrow, Zolothoch and Va'aiga all look at each other. Everyone is tired, sweating, and we're barely half-way through the match. The tron lights up, and they all look to see the next entrant.
BUZZ!
The Xtremetron lights up with the following graphic.
King: Well that's depressing.
Hawke: THEY USED COMIC SANS HAHA WHAT THE F-
BUZZ!
Stacy Douglas runs out to the ring, going straight after Zolothoch. She takes a few good hits, before lifting her up for a Problem Maker! She flaunts her stuff at the men, before Zolothoch lifts her up and shoves her over the ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: Stacy Douglas has been eliminated!
King: No puppies?
Hawke: No puppies.
Stacy is in complete shock, before she starts to throw a tantrum, trying to run back into the ring. Zolothoch counters with a basement dropkick sending her over the barricade!
Back to the match, Va'aiga grabs Caffrey and begins strangling him, while Maverick double teams Caff with some body shots. Caff doubles over, as Jeffery and Zolo battle Dos Angeles in another corner. Stormcrow just looks back and forth from everyone, and says screw it, climbing the top rope. He leaps onto the fray of Angels/Viper/Zolo, and they all tumble to the mat. Crow takes the most damage, holding his back in pain. Caffrey lands a kick on Mav, a jaw breaker on Va'aiga, and sends Mav running headfirst into V with a shoulder tackle that knocks him clean over... Mav gets knocked over. Va'aiga's a freaking bulldozer.
BUZZ!
Joe Nobody sprints down the ramp, running through the fray of people and shoulder checking Randy Angel, who crumples in a drunken heap. He rolls outside the ring, and medical personnel check on him. Nelly looks out, concerned, and Zolothoch tries to eliminate him! Nobody begins to work on Jeffrey, who probably clocks in at about two hours at this point, with Caffrey and Maverick shortly behind.
Nobody wrests the tired, out of shape, fat lard Jeffrey to the floor, in an armbar which Viper immediately taps out on.
King: JOE-
Hawke: HE'S NOT ELIMINATED KING.
Joe gets up, and turns around to see the giant Va'aiga stomping a mudhole in Caffrey. He runs to tackle him to the ground, but Va'aiga's like an A7V tank. You ain't budging him for nothing.
BUZZ!
AWH F*CK YO HEADPHONES!
Timebomb by Beck belts out, and the ovation for Seth is bloody thunderous. Nearly everyone is screaming, cheering as the face of AWF runs down the ramp. He gets straight to work, grabbing Joe Nobody and nailing him with a spinning heel kick that sends him over the top rope! But he lands on the apron, which causes Seth to leap off the second rope for a disaster kick, knocking Joe Nobody off the apron to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Joe Nobody has been eliminated!
Hawke: So nobody was eliminated?
King: Yeah..?
Hawke: Then why did Bonnie announce it?
King: ...
Hawke: r/woosh
Caffrey shakes off Va'aiga and makes a beeline for Maverick, locking in an ankle lock in the middle of The Rumble. He doesn't care you can't win via submission, he's sending a message to the Icons. Maverick is trying to pull out, before something snaps. We know his fingers were broken earlier. Nice selling btw. He kicks his foot back, missing Caffrey but nailing Zolothoch in the face.
BUZZ!
Darkness looms over the arena, just before a golden spotlight hits the center -stage of the entrance ramp. Outreached arms horizontally welcome a hooded figure; meanwhile 'Golden Age' by Woodkid begins an epic portrayal shaking audience sensibilities. A slow rotating saunter met with mixed reactions in the form of passionate love/hate fan centric chorus. Boo's fight cheer's in a never ending battle to determine what his ears perk to ultimately in a shining once in a lifetime opportunity for his attention. Onward to the ring with a sly slide in, he rises removing the hood to bask in the reactions; and in a narrow playful focus about what is momentarily to come.
King: Former eWo and XWF superstar Gabe Reno is in the house!
Hawke: He's signed with crumbumb AWF, he won't last more than a minute before elimination.
Gabe throws off his ring gear and charges right for Seth, catching him with a facebuster! He then grabs a reeling Jeffrey Viper, and hits him with a front flip piledriver! He poses for a moment as cheers and boos battle for control, before suddenly Maverick grabs him by the head and trunks and runs with him, throwing him up and over the ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: Gabe Reno has been eliminated!
King: He clocked in at nearly 3 minutes, Hawke.
Hawke: Crumbumb is as crumbumb does.
BUZZ!
Some new generic music plays as another generic looking guy runs down the ramp.
King: This is Johnny X! An up-and-comer within the XHF Network.
Hawke: yawns
Johnny X immediately goes after Jeffrey Viper, tackling him and raining blows on him with vigor. What is his quarrel with Viper? Why, he eliminated his partner of course! Or friend, their relationship might be complicated.
By this point, Jeffrey is close to falling asleep. He rubs his eyes, pushing away X, who moves on to bigger and better things. He dropkicks Zolothoch, he delivers a stiff elbow to Caffrey, he crossbodies Va'ai-oh, the Maori caught him, and lifts him for the Maori drop! He lifts the scrawny guy back up, and throws him over the top! He collapses on the ground in defeat.
Bonnie Jenkins: Johnny X has been eliminated!
King: Johnny was out 21st elimination, and the next entrant is number 33! We're nearly halfway through this mind-boggling rumble.
At this point, the remaining in-ring competitors are all catching their breaths. Nelly is sitting on the apron, having rolled out, wondering where his brother went. Jeffrey is on another apron, panting. Va'aiga stares after X as Maverick and Caffrey stare holes in each other. Seth and Zolo are still going at it, trading blows with each other as they try to wear one another down. Zolo is tiring quick, and Seth knows it.
BUZZ!
??: CEASE. AND. DESIST!
A line on congo dancers come out from the back, as everyone looks on in confusion. At the end of the congo line is a lowrider. A rusty, dinged up car. One that shames Eddie Guerrero. Driving that car is the one and only Destiny Wrestling Shooting Star Champion, "Poison" Pike Scaler. He has a mic in hand, and rides down to the ring.
Pike Scaler: Welcome everyone, to the first ever Pike Scaler invitation memorial battle royale! I'm blessing you all here, before I fly back to shitstain North Carolina to defend this!
He holds up his championship.
Pike Scaler: Speaking of this beaut, I heard there's another Shooting Star Champion about! So show yourself, heathen!
Randy does not show himself.
King: ...
Hawke: ...
Pike Scaler: Fine! I'll just come down there and find you.
He drives his car, sputtering and coughing out smoke, down to ringside. He stands on the hood as the congo dancers surround him.
Pike Scaler: You all are not fit to be the Pike Scaler Crown Champion! You're all skinny, and weak minded! And too good at promos! And is that...
He gasps.
Pike Scaler: ...a WOMAN I see? You're supposed to be a sex object! But you...
He points to Va'aiga.
Pike Scaler: Are a big sweaty meathead, and thus are allowed to be champion! But alas, you will not, as I own this company and I ow-
His microphone is cut out, Mongo probably got sick of his crap. He complains, and hops into the ring, only for Va'aiga to nail him with a giant LAAAAAAAAARIAAAAAAAT!
Bonnie Jenkins: Pike Scaler has been eliminated!
King: Good riddance!
Hawke: What an imbecile! I bet he's worse than anyone from AWF.
King: Even Copycat?
Hawke: Even Copycat.
Pike is escorted out by security, but his words have motivated all the survivors. Seth and Caffrey begin to trade blows, Maverick and Tabitha are locked in a technical struggle. Nelly and Va'aiga are struggling against the ropes, and Jeffrey and Stormcrow, both gassed, just slap each other.
BUZZ!
Ladies and Gentlemen, The XHF is pround to bring you, The Muscle-Bound Freak of Nature, The Scotland Slayer, The Glasgow Bull. Weeellllliiiinngggtooooonnn Duuuuuuuuunnnnneeeee!!!!
Caffrey knocks down Seth, and turns his attention to the raging bull ahead of him. With ease, Dunne steamrolls over him, before clotheslining Seth! STO to Tabitha, Belly-to-Belly to Mav! A trifecta of germans to Jeffrey and Nelly, before standing toe to toe with Va'aiga.
King: The unstoppable force meets the immovable object!
Hawke: And neither man are backing down!
Va'aiga strikes first, rocking Dunne, but Dunne strikes back with a blow that hits him harder than any other blow prior tonight. Dunne nails a series of jabs to Va'aiga, before running the ropes for a giant lariat! But Va'aiga just smirks, shouts to do it again. Dunne runs the ropes again, but this time Va'aiga strikes him down with a LARIAAAAAAAAAAAT!
BUZZ!
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers again and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Evil-Borg runs out, throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans.
He makes his way into the ring and starts by laughing at Jeffrey Viper for being tired. He turns to Stormcrow, exclaiming there's free booze backstage for those who go back there. Crow looks back, and Evil-Borg dumps him over the top ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: The Stormcrow has been eliminated!
Evil-Borg laughs, for he is truly devious and evil! It's in his name. He turns around, and Nelly Angel dropkicks him over the top rope!
Bonnie Jenkins: Evil-Borg has been eliminated!
King: Come on! He wasn't ready, Nelly!
Hawke: Ready or not, there's no breaks in the Rumble!
The camera pans, and we see Dunne throw Caff over the ropes. He hangs on, and Dunne runs at him. Caff shoves his shoulder into his gut, and then lifts him up and over, to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Wellington Dunne has been eliminated!
Caffrey laughs, but Jeffrey blasts him with a forearm that sends him tumbling into Dunne's arms!
King: This isn't good.
Hawke: Caffrey's fate lies in Dunne's hands.
Caff pleads with Dunne to let him back in the ring, but Dunne responds by smashing him back first into the post, and then powerslamming him onto the stairs! He makes sure Caffrey's feet are on the stairs, because if anyone's gonna be taking titles from him, it'll be Dunne.
BUZZ!
Meshi Kuuna plays and Fukashima Zombie runs out, running and dropping an elbow on Caffrey on the stairs. She climbs into the ring and ascends the turnbuckle, hitting Jeffrey with a crossbody! Nelly is caught with a hurricanrana. Va'aiga gets hit once, twice, THREE TIMES with a super kick, and he goes down! He then turns, and is face to face with Zolothoch. They circle the ring, everyone else wiped out or catching their breaths.
The two begin to clash, throwing punches in the middle of the ring. Fists fly, but soon it gets violent. Hair pulling. Eye gouging. Fukashima tries to eliminate Zolo, but Tabitha kicks her leg out and hurricanrana's her into Seth. Seth trips, and falls victim to a P.O.P. from Va'aiga! A 350 pound frog splash that had been set up for the last few minutes. He stands up, and swats at Nelly, knocking him down.
BUZZ!
A remixed version of "The Ecstacy Of Gold" by Ennio Marricone starts to play over the speakers and a gold light shines on the entrance curtain. AWF Commissioner Jackson Steele walks out, donning a suit and sunglasses, spinning around before pointing at the ring. He then tears away his suit, flinging away the sunglasses and storming the ring.
King: Here comes POWER Steele!
Steele slides in, and runs at Seth, who uses his momentum to throw him over the ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jackson Steele has been eliminated!
Hawke: And there goes POWER Steele!
Jackson repeats the same face Har D Cor had, and tries to explain to the referees he wasn't ready. But they argue he was eliminated, and thus has to go to the back. He grumbles all the way up the ramp, not happy with the concensus.
BUZZ!
"Do You Wanna Touch Me" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts plays through the speakers as the lights don a golden hue, then Brandon Adams steps out in his signature black and gold robe. He spins around, and gets clocked by Jackson Steele!
King: Poor sportsmanship from the AWF Commissioner!
Hawke: Everyone from AWF is a poor sport!
A referee runs up to Adams, as his wife comes out, and the ref signals to Bonnie Jenkins.
Bonnie Jenkins: As Brandon Adams is unable to make it to the ring, he has been disqualified, and thus has been eliminated!
BUZZ!
King: Looks like entrants are coming out a bit quicker now!
Hawke: Mongo doesn't want this to be a 10 hour event like certain grandest stages of them all!
Zakk Sawyer runs down the ramp, into the ring, and jumps Seth Dillenger. Nobody seems to like him, must be that blatant homophobia everybody showcases. Zakk lands a few devastating knees to his gut, before jumping on Mav's back. Mav runs Sawyer into the corner, squishing Fukashima in with him! Sawyer tries to hang on, but Mav flips him onto the apron, and lands a sweet Iconkick to send him out of the ring!
Bonnie Jenkins: Zakk Sawyer has been eliminated!
Hawke: HA! AWF is garbage tier.
BUZZ!
"Am I Savage" by Metallica hits the PA. The lights dim and mist forms around the ramp. The tron shows images of a deep dense jungle slowly being traversed and ends up on an image of Primal's hideous mask. His "true face". Primal slowly slinks out of the back and to the stage as the heavy riffs kick in.
Spotting Caffrey, the AXW signee makes a beeline for him. Caffrey is finally on his feet after the attack by Dunne, but Primal grabs him and suplexes him onto the apron. In an attempt to escape, Caffrey rolls away, only to find himself face to boot with Mav, who stands on his hand to stop his escape. Another boot follows suit, as Seth stands on his other. Mav and Seth nod, and Primal and Fukashima surround him.
The four get to beating him into a corner, and Va'aiga pushes them out of the way, nailing a huge corner splash on him. Caffrey crumples to the mat, and Primal looks to put him away, until Fukashima says otherwise and throws him out!
Bonnie Jenkins: Primal has been eliminated!
King: There goes Primal!
Zolothoch sneaks up on Fukashima, and dumps her over right after him!
Bonnie Jenkins: Fukashima Zombie has been eliminated!
Hawke: And there goes Fukashima!
BUZZ!
he lights go dim as the iconic opening guitar riff for "Runnin Down A Dream" comes blaring over the speakers, A rain of gold pyro comes down over the entrance as JFK comes walking out from the back wearing his new "100% Florida Ass-Kicking" T-Shirt, adorning an Icons armband on his arm.
King: And here comes JFK!
JFK runs down the ring, decking Seth in the face for being to close to his Icons buddy. He fist bumps Mav, a look of sorrow and regret almost on Mav's face. They begin to beat down anyone in their paths. Nelly, Jeffery, Tabitha, and Seth all fall victim. Mav strike Va'aiga hard on the nose, and JFK strikes him in the gut. They rain strikes, but Va'aiga is still angry, and unleashes a headbutt that nearly knocks out Maverick. V chokes out JFK, and from behind comes Nelly with a clothesline to JFK!
Bonnie Jenkins: JFK has been eliminated!
BUZZ!
Big Booty Bitches plays and the fans all know who's coming next. But Michael Clarke Duncan never shows up. That's when the Xtreme Tron switches to MCD walking down the ramp in the Greensboro Coliseum, in Greensboro North Carolina. He looks around, eating his box of Popeyes.
MCD: Where er'body at?
MCD pulls out his phone, finding the card for the Rumble.
MCD: Ah shit, this ain't where that Rumble's at! Awh hell, may as well look through my photos of eXXXstacy until Randy shows up.
The tron fades to black.
Bonnie Jenkins: Due to MCD's inability to make it to the ring on time, he has been disqualified from the Rumble, and thus eliminated!
Hawke: What an idiot.
BUZZ!
"Am I Evil" plays for a fourth(and hopefully final) time tonight as Heavymetal-Borg comes down, playing an air guitar. He runs down, sees Mav and charges him, because of their history in the XHF Tag Team Championship match earlier tonight. Mav weakly trades blows, but he has no friends to help him. Heavymetal headbangs, before headbutting Mav to the floor. He flexes, and turns to a kick to the face from Zolothoch, who then flips him up and over to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Heavymetal-Borg has been eliminated!
The competitors are all spent, we're many hours into this Rumble but the end is here.
BUZZ!
Blood Tears Dust by Lacuna Coil comes on and Dylan Black runs down the ramp, into the ring. He delivers a forearm to Seth! Dropkick to Caffrey! Maverick stands up, and he's caught in a floatover DDT! He pumps up the crowd, injecting much needed life into this match. Tabitha runs at him, but he gives her the kitchen sink! Nelly grabs him in a wristlock, but he rolls through and snaps Nelly's arm back. Jeffrey turns around, KINSHASA!
That leaves Dylan standing face to face with Va'aiga, and he stands there smirking. He takes a step back, and makes the shaka symbol, throwing it up and dragging it across his throat. Va'aiga charges him, but he steps out of the way and chases Va'aiga with a chopblock to the knee. He turns to the ring, and sees four people who have eyes to eliminate him. He smirks, and runs at Caffrey with a dropkick that sends him over the ropes, but not to the floor. Caff barely hangs on, skinning the cat. Dylan points to Seth and yells something at him, probably slurs. Seth responds by chopping Dylan in the throat, which sends Dylan to a knee. Seth falls down, and goes to poke him in the eye, but Dylan grabs his arm and locks in his Reaper Death Seal! He torques Seth's arm, but Mav comes with the save, leveling Dylan.
BUZZ!
The lights dim and smoke pumps from the stage area as "The Bear Song" by Green Jelly starts to cut through the atmosphere. Soon through the mist comes out Lord Dominicus, wearing the EWF Superior Championship around his waist.
King: The master of Evil! The Lord of Darkness!
Hawke: The real family man?
King: No, that's Danny Ray?
Hawke: He's a cretin.
LD runs down the ring, laughing at all the people in the ring. He steps through the ropes, showing everyone his EWF Superior Championship.
LD: You fools! I am Superior to you all, and have concocted a master plan to win me the X*Crown! YOU WILL ALL BOW-
LD is nailed with a dropkick from Dylan, and he tumbles to the floor.
Bonnie Jenkins: Lord Dominicus has been eliminated!
LD: DRAT!
LD walks up the ramp as the crowd counts down the next entrant.
BUZZ!
Bohemian Rhapsody plays, and the crowd fills the venue with boos. Brad Swann comes out, microphone in hand.
Brad Swann: Hello everyone. It is I, Brad Swann, here to once again remind you... that I will not be competing in this year's Rumble.
The crowd boos, but he just smirks evilly.
Brad Swann: A business-man like myself has no place being in a wrestling ring with such animals... so I bid all you Greco-Roman scumbags... GOOD BYE... and GOOD-
Out of nowhere, Jefe comes out to a loud pop and blindsides Swann! They brawl all the way down to ringside, Jefe rolling Swann into the ring and waiting for the next entrant to come out.
BUZZ!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jefe and Brad Swann are both eliminated!
Hawke: That happened so fast! Can we get a replay?
We get a replay, but the speed Brad is able to eliminate Jefe and himself is so fast we can barely see it. Jefe's music only just kicked up, and it's turned off because he's out.
King: That was so fast!
BUZZ!
Raymond Harding runs down to the ring, rolling in as Viper hits him with a FISTING YOU WITH MY BODY! They both tumble over, but Jeffrey catches the ropes before he touches the floor.
Bonnie Jenkins: Raymond Harding has been eliminated!
King: Things are picking up! Only two entrants remain, which means we're down to our final 12!
BUZZ!
"Ginger" by Rucka Rucka Ali starts to play as the crowd begins to go crazy chanting "GINGER", the single most feared ginger in the fighting world steps out from behind the curtains onto the entrance ramp. With a look of pure supremacy on his face as he points to his ears as he laughs at the song playing. He quickly makes his way down to the ring sliding underneath the rope.
He's met by Dylan Black, who takes the fight straight to him with punches and chops, but Shay outpowers him. Dylan, thinking quick, knees him and hurricanranas him over the ropes. He hangs on, but Dylan steps through the ropes and his him with a package piledriver, making them both fall to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: As Dylan Black did not go over the top rope, he is still in the match. However, Shay Flemming is eliminated!
Hawke: Great in ring work by Dylan, but now we're waiting on one last person.
King: And that person is just about to come out.
The crowd chants down from 10 with the timer, as the last person walks out.
BUZZ!
Motherfucker of the Year plays, and everyone turns to the entrance. Bobby comes out, baseball bat in hand, and points to Mav. Mav looks in shock, and everyone clears out of the way as Bobby storms the ring, running and smashing Mav with his bat! Mav crumbles, and Bobby looks around at all the faces, the final 10 vying for his crown. Jeffrey makes the first move, getting a bat in the face. Va'aiga takes a bat to the knee, and the rest stay generally out of the way. Mav kips up and tries to throw Bobby over the ropes, but Bobby reverses and throws him over. Bobby looks to put an exclamation point on the end of his friendship with Mav, but Seth runs in and grabs the bat, yanking it away.
As Bobby turns to him, Mav climbs back through the ropes. Bobby yells at Mav, tells him he has to choose who he aligns with; the Icons or Seth. Mav looks between the two, turns to Bobby and ICONKICKS BOBBY! Every jaw in the arena drops, as it seems Mav has ended the near-2 year friendship he and Bobby shared. Everyone erupts, and chaos ensues. Mav and Seth begin to double team everyone, taking on Nelly, Jeffrey, Bobby and Tabitha. Caffrey and Dylan trade blows, until Va'aiga runs interference and levels them both. Mav pushes back Nelly, and goes for an ICON KICK... but out of nowhere, Randy, who was still in the match, dives in front of the kick and gets kicked over the top rope, finally being eliminated.
Bonnie Jenkins: Randy Angel has been eliminated!
Bobby sidesteps Mav, and ICONKICKS Nelly, who follows his brother over the ropes.
Bonnie Jenkins: Nelly Angel has been eliminated!
We're down to eight. Viper, Caffrey, Maverick, Va'aiga, Zolothoch, Seth, Dylan and Bobby. Tabitha and Dylan double team Va'aiga, Caffrey takes on Viper, and Seth and Mav settle scores with Bobby. Dylan and Zolo beat Va'aiga into a corner, and Zolo goes for a Poetry in Motion, but Va'aiga catches and dumps her over the ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: Zolothoch has been eliminated!
Bobby takes his bat from Seth and jams it in his stomach, before punching Mav straight in the nose! Blood flows, but Bobby lines up one last ICON KICK and sends Mav's dreams home packing.
Dylan grabs Va'aiga and shoves him against the ropes, before he hops on the second turnbuckle for a SPRINGBOARD KINSHASA! They both tumble over, but Dylan grabs the ropes. Va'aiga isn't lucky, and falls to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Va'aiga has been eliminated!
Dylan has no time to recollect himself, as Seth dropkicks him, causing him to lose focus and fall to the floor beside Va'aiga!
Bonnie Jenkins: Dylan Black has been eliminated!
King: We're down to our final four!
Hawke: Bobby Barratt, Seth Dillenger, Anthony Caffrey... and Jeffrey Viper.
The trio of real wrestlers attack Jeffrey, who's been in the ring for the longest point of this match. He's too weak to do much more than curl up fetal and hope they stop. But the trio lift him up, in unity, and dump him over the top to the floor!
Bonnie Jenkins: Jeffrey Viper has been eliminated!
We're down to the final three. Caffrey, Seth and Bobby. Caffrey, tired yet arrogant, boasts to the two that he's always going to be better than the two of them, they can't hold a candle to his flame. Yada yada arrogant shit. They glance at each other, before hitting him with a double clothesline. Caffrey crumples, and Bobby picks him up. Seth takes first dibs, spinning him around for a SOUTH PHILLY STUNNER! Bobby poises himself, grabbing Caff for the PRODIGAL ARRIVAL! They pick him up once more, and with ease fling him up and over the ropes!
Bonnie Jenkins: Anthony Caffrey has been eliminated!
King: We're down to our final two!
Hawke: Bobby Barratt and that AWF scumbag Seth. Who wi-
Suddenly, In The Hall of the Mountain King plays, and out walks the legendary Mongo the Destroyer. He has a microphone in hand.
Mongo: Hey there fellas, first off congrats on making it to the final two of the 2019 XHF Rumble! You two busted your butts off, and will definitely go down as history makers!
Mongo: Unfortunately, I'm afraid I've got some bad news. It came to my attention, that one of the wrestlers who was in the Rumble hours ago was never properly eliminated, so regretably, I must let her back into the Rumble.
He pauses, letting his words sink in.
Mongo: Ladies and gentlemen, the real third piece to the final three of the XHF Rumble...
He pinches his nose, sighing. He does NOT like where this is going.
Mongo: Ember... Ferrari...
The sultry guitars of "I Touch Myself" play once again, and Ember comes out from the back, riding a skateboard and on the phone. As she flies by the camera, we can almost hear her exclaim
Ember Ferrari: I'm pregnant?!
The skateboard tips and she slides into the ring, leaning up against the ropes for better reception.
Ember Ferrari: What do you mean I'm pregnant?
Seth and Bobby look at each other, shrug, and nail a double dropkick to her, sending her tumbling to the outside and onto her stomach. This time, both feet touch the floor in clear view of Mongo. He smiles.
Mongo: Now she's eliminated. Continue, boys.
The crowd cheers and Bobby and Seth circle each other in the ring. They move around, trying to get a feel for one another, and Bobby makes the first move, being fresher. He backs Dillenger into the corner, throwing a few chops at the sweaty, sweaty chest of his adversary. Seth's able to reverse a chop, making him smash his hand into the post!
Seth rolls Bobby back and delivers a spin kick to the side of Bobby's head, before he climbs to the top rope in a very risque maneuver. He takes a leap of faith, landing a moonsault on Bobby! Seth helps Bobby up, and sets him up for his finisher, but Bobby spins out and plants Seth with a side effect!
Bobby hopes over the top rope, and jumps for a springboard shooting star press! Seth gets the knees up, but Bobby grabs the knees and monkey flips him onto the turnbuckle! He tries to push Seth off, but Seth counters with a high kick, climbing back in the ring for a DDT!
Seth stops for a moment, posing, and Bobby strikes again. He kicks the leg out, and spikes a punch to the temple of Seth. He mounts and rains punches on Dillenger, determined to make sure he's not losing his belt. He steps back, and when Seth kips up, Bobby hits an Iconbreaker that topples Seth, and the crowd can sense it coming. Seth uses the ropes to get to his feet, and Bobby tunes up the band.
But Seth ducks Bobby's Icon kick! Bobby's got one leg thrown over the rope and is struggling to get over on the other side! Seth grabs his leg on the ground, and flips his other leg over his shoulder, dumping him to the floor! The bell rings, and Seth falls over in the middle of the ring.
Bonnie Jenkins: Ladies and gentlemen, the 2019 XHF Rumble has finally come to a close! After a grueling 3 hours, 12 minutes and 13 seconds, the winner of the XHF Rumble and NEW X*Crown Champion is Seth Dillenger!
Hawke: YOU'RE GOSH DARN RIGHT THAT BOBBY BARRATT IS THE WI-Wait, what?
King: Oh no...
Hawke: Another AWF guy won the belt? This is blasphemy.
King: Wow folks, what a match at what a night!
Hawke: I don't know if we'll ever be able to top all this!
King: Oh, I'm sure the XHF Network will find a way! We'll see you next time, folks!
Bobby stares with disbelief as Seth is handed his custom belts, He can't believe he won't be walking out with his custom made championship. Seth goes to the corner, climbs the turnbuckle and holds his championship in the air as the XHF Network's 2019 Rumble comes to a close.