Champion Conquest '19 | FREE SPERMY/ RIP PHIL COLLINS
Jun 30, 2019 16:08:13 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and The King like this
Post by Drag on Jun 30, 2019 16:08:13 GMT -5
*BEEEEEEEP*
*BEEP BEEEEEEEEP*
BIG DRAG: GET IN THE CAR, SPERM! GET IN THE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
The strange man who lives in a rundown apartment in East Brooklyn and constantly wears a whale outfit opens his window, eyes drooped and sleepy, the local children immediately disperse from the street having been told not to engage with this individual. He rubs his eyes and looks down at Big Drag incessently honking the horn of his 1980's bottle green LeSabre and speaking in an Australian accent.
Sperm: What?
BIG DRAG: GIT IN THE FACKIN' CAH SPERM!!
Sperm: Why?
With a snap of his mighty fingers Big Drag instantly teleport Sperm into the vehicle, immediately teleportation sickness kicks in and Sperm throws up out the window. Big Drag ignores this as he adjusts several shifts and sticks, seemingly because everyone of them has been custom fitted to do the opposite of what it is intended to accomplish. After some minutes of fiddling the engine sputters to life, but Big Drag's eyes widen in horror as he hears the unmistakable sound.
BIG DRAG: AW NO! I'VE FUCKIN' FILLED IT WITH PREMIUM!!!
Big Drag lets out an anguished cry and repeatedly punches his steering wheel, Sperm looks on unfazed, not even bothering to clean up the remaining vomit on the his mouth.
sperm: where are we going?
Changing gears, Drag appears mischievous as he puts a mighty arm around Sperm's shoulders and whispers (for a given definition of whisper anyway) into Sperm's face.
BIG DRAG: BUDDY I CAN TELL YOU'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT THIS WHOLE TAG MATCH SHENANIGAGS, SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE GOOD TO SEND YOU TO YOUR ANCESTRAL HOME TO FIND UR INNER STRENGTH AND TAKE IT TO WAH MACHINE AND THE OTHER ONES AT CHAMPION CONQUEST 19 AVALIBLE FOR ON DEMAND STREAMING VIA THE XHF NETWORK.
Sperm: oh that makes sense.
sperm raises an eyebrow.
sperm: where's my ancestral home?
BIG DRAG: THE ATLANTIC OCEAN OF COURSE!
Yet again, big drag snaps his fingers.
BIG DRAG: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~!!! DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT~!!!!!!
Drag whoops and hollers at the whales like a child on speed. Sperm looks around at the shrimping vessel Big Drag has teleported them (and his car) to and throws up once again off-deck. Several innocent shrimpers begin screaming for help as a golden man, a man dressed as a whale and a car pop into existence in the middle of their vessel, a few jump overboard while others drop to their knees and begin praying for salvation.
sperm: drag im not from the ocean
sperm wipes his mouth this time, the repeated teleportininings clearly affecting him. big drag turns his attention to his blue friend and points an accusing finger.
BIG DRAG: DAMN RIGHT YOU'RE NOT, AND UNTIL YOU WHALE UP AND FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT, U WON'T DESERVE TO BE EITHER.
with this, drag gently hits his palm against sperm's forehead. and he is finally free.
Sperm: I AM ALPHA AND OMEGA
Sperm: BEGINNING AND END~!
Sperm: theendisnevertheendisnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheend
After what seems like and was, an eternity, Sperm's mind fully collapses into itself and back into his body, he looks over at Big Drag chatting with one of the Shrimpers, discussing foreign equities. Sperm walks over to his solid gold friend with wide eyes.
Sperm: what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.
big drag smirks and folds his arms.
BIG DRAG: TALK ABOUT HONEY I'M HOME HUH~~~
Sperm: i- i was literally time, i i was creation and death, love and pain i-
big drag holds up his hand
BIG DRAG: YEA OK YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A DICK ABOUT IT.
big drag puts a reassuring arm around Sperm and leads him back to the side of the boat, overlooking the majestic sea creatures leaping from the waves and crashing back below the depths.
Big Drag: You understand now, do you not?
Sperm looks within himself, two tag titles, joined as 1, god of the realms and god.... of the sea. We focus in on the eyes of Sperm, his irises now twirling like a the unstoppobable crash of nature's fatman nuke, a whirlpool.
Sperm: Yes.
CHAMPION CONQUEST WAH MACHINE AND CHAMPION MENS WILL GET FUCKED IN THEIR LITTLE BABYBOY ELBOW!!!
BIG DRAG AND SPERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*BEEP BEEEEEEEEP*
BIG DRAG: GET IN THE CAR, SPERM! GET IN THE CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
The strange man who lives in a rundown apartment in East Brooklyn and constantly wears a whale outfit opens his window, eyes drooped and sleepy, the local children immediately disperse from the street having been told not to engage with this individual. He rubs his eyes and looks down at Big Drag incessently honking the horn of his 1980's bottle green LeSabre and speaking in an Australian accent.
Sperm: What?
BIG DRAG: GIT IN THE FACKIN' CAH SPERM!!
Sperm: Why?
With a snap of his mighty fingers Big Drag instantly teleport Sperm into the vehicle, immediately teleportation sickness kicks in and Sperm throws up out the window. Big Drag ignores this as he adjusts several shifts and sticks, seemingly because everyone of them has been custom fitted to do the opposite of what it is intended to accomplish. After some minutes of fiddling the engine sputters to life, but Big Drag's eyes widen in horror as he hears the unmistakable sound.
BIG DRAG: AW NO! I'VE FUCKIN' FILLED IT WITH PREMIUM!!!
Big Drag lets out an anguished cry and repeatedly punches his steering wheel, Sperm looks on unfazed, not even bothering to clean up the remaining vomit on the his mouth.
sperm: where are we going?
Changing gears, Drag appears mischievous as he puts a mighty arm around Sperm's shoulders and whispers (for a given definition of whisper anyway) into Sperm's face.
BIG DRAG: BUDDY I CAN TELL YOU'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT THIS WHOLE TAG MATCH SHENANIGAGS, SO I THOUGHT IT'D BE GOOD TO SEND YOU TO YOUR ANCESTRAL HOME TO FIND UR INNER STRENGTH AND TAKE IT TO WAH MACHINE AND THE OTHER ONES AT CHAMPION CONQUEST 19 AVALIBLE FOR ON DEMAND STREAMING VIA THE XHF NETWORK.
Sperm: oh that makes sense.
sperm raises an eyebrow.
sperm: where's my ancestral home?
BIG DRAG: THE ATLANTIC OCEAN OF COURSE!
Yet again, big drag snaps his fingers.
atlantic ocean time
BIG DRAG: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~!!! DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTT~!!!!!!
Drag whoops and hollers at the whales like a child on speed. Sperm looks around at the shrimping vessel Big Drag has teleported them (and his car) to and throws up once again off-deck. Several innocent shrimpers begin screaming for help as a golden man, a man dressed as a whale and a car pop into existence in the middle of their vessel, a few jump overboard while others drop to their knees and begin praying for salvation.
sperm: drag im not from the ocean
sperm wipes his mouth this time, the repeated teleportininings clearly affecting him. big drag turns his attention to his blue friend and points an accusing finger.
BIG DRAG: DAMN RIGHT YOU'RE NOT, AND UNTIL YOU WHALE UP AND FIGHT FOR WHAT'S RIGHT, U WON'T DESERVE TO BE EITHER.
with this, drag gently hits his palm against sperm's forehead. and he is finally free.
Sperm: I AM ALPHA AND OMEGA
Sperm: BEGINNING AND END~!
Sperm: theendisnevertheendisnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheendsnevertheendisnevertheend
After what seems like and was, an eternity, Sperm's mind fully collapses into itself and back into his body, he looks over at Big Drag chatting with one of the Shrimpers, discussing foreign equities. Sperm walks over to his solid gold friend with wide eyes.
Sperm: what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck.
big drag smirks and folds his arms.
BIG DRAG: TALK ABOUT HONEY I'M HOME HUH~~~
Sperm: i- i was literally time, i i was creation and death, love and pain i-
big drag holds up his hand
BIG DRAG: YEA OK YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A DICK ABOUT IT.
big drag puts a reassuring arm around Sperm and leads him back to the side of the boat, overlooking the majestic sea creatures leaping from the waves and crashing back below the depths.
Big Drag: You understand now, do you not?
Sperm looks within himself, two tag titles, joined as 1, god of the realms and god.... of the sea. We focus in on the eyes of Sperm, his irises now twirling like a the unstoppobable crash of nature's fatman nuke, a whirlpool.
Sperm: Yes.
CHAMPION CONQUEST WAH MACHINE AND CHAMPION MENS WILL GET FUCKED IN THEIR LITTLE BABYBOY ELBOW!!!
BIG DRAG AND SPERM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!