Pandemonium Results

[vastrix]

As the lights in the arena dim, “Pandemonium” by Worakls begins to play over the PA system.







The camera feed begins to zoom around the crowd that are still taking their seats, stopping on a security clown in black and red leather that howls in manic laughter as they beep their noses. The camera zooms from clown to clown through the crowd, the camera moving faster and faster until the crowd is just a blur of color and light with only momentary pauses at the many clown faces.



The camera view stops at the commentary desk where sit Joseph Greer and Tommy Onions.



JOSEPH GREER: Welcome to RSW's Pandemonium! I am Joseph Greer and sitting with me is-



TOMMY ONIONS: Tommy Onions at your fucking service! This is the very first Pandemonium, Joey. What show did it replace?



Behind the pair of RSW favourites, the fans signs are front and center. ‘The all seeing! I-Zepp’ ‘Mitchell Retains! HE will see to it!’ ‘I like dinos!’ ‘This match is DREADful!’ To name a few.



JOSEPH GREER: It replaced Riot's Rules since Rob Riot is no longer with us.



TOMMY ONIONS: He died? I'm not really shocked though when you think about it. Was it a drug overdose? You know he likely drank himself to death.



JOSEPH GREER: No, he didn't die. He just retired and sits back to collect the dividends that his ownership shares beings him.



TOMMY ONIONS: Oh. Well, when he goes it will probably be a drug overdose or booze.



JOSEPH GREER: Probably. We have a great night for you tonight! Pequeno Dinosaurio and Leon Dread go at it for the third time in a row. Senor Vinnie and Isaiah Zepp battle again for the Anarchy and Legacy titles both. And the night all leads up to D taking on Shane Mitchell for the World title.



TOMMY ONIONS: Don't forget that Alyssa Lucchi is taking on Andi Snow!



JOSEPH GREER: Hopefully, D has trained Alyssa in a few things so that will be a match instead of a massacre.



TOMMY ONIONS: Alyssa has been crazy jealous of late. I think that pure jealous rage will help carry into making the match competitive.



JOSEPH GREER: And each match will have a secret number of stipulations involved in it that the match will switch to at random times. It adds a chaotic element to each match.



TOMMY ONIONS: Think we'll get some goofy stipulations like arm wrestling or tuxedo match?



JOSEPH GREER: I sure hope not.



TOMMY ONIONS: I hope for some hyperviolence though I think when Alyssa takes on Andi I could stand for maybe a jello wrestling match or a bra and panties match.



JOSEPH GREER: It's going to be a crazy night. That's for sure. Let's head down to the ring to kick things off!

[vastrix]

The feed fades out to darkness. Not just darkness, but the total absence of light - and with it comes the total absence of sound. The roar of the crowd, and the inane chatter of the commentary team, fades to nothingness. All is still. For a moment, you could be forgiven for thinking the feed to the show has failed.

A deep British voice booms into the void, echoing as the words fall out.

“Do not go gentle into that good night.”

Bright light fills the screen, as if the breaking of day pierced weary eyes and stung tired optic nerves. The light burns, and then fades. We're looking out of someone else's eyes, into a marble hallway. It's an elaborate British affair, with a dramatic spiral staircase and paintings framed on the walls. From this perspective, we can't see what's on the paintings, but the scene gives us enough to process that this is somewhere old. Old, classy, and yet stale. A place that rarely sees the outside air.

The voice returns.

“Old age should burn and rave at close of day,
Rage, rage, against the dying of the light.”

We take a few paces forward. The echoes of our unknown guide’s feet reverberate around the empty hallway as they move forward, approaching the stairs. A hand reaches out and grips onto the guard rail as they begin their ascent.

Very gently, somewhere in the background, another sound clamours for your attention. The distant ticking of a clock. It’s soon drowned out by the voice, which seems louder now, as if it were coming closer.

"Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning; they do not go gentle into that good night.”

We're almost at the top of the stairs now, and as we arrive there, we take a sharp left. Another hallway waits for us; this one less grand than the one downstairs. The impression we get is that while the lower tier of the house has been dressed up for show, this floor is rarely used. It's pristine, but also sparse, with little sign of personal belongings anywhere. Like an English countryside manor house, this is more a museum than a place to stay. The footsteps proceed onwards, down the hall, passing locked doors as we go. A huge bay window at the far end lets in the light.

The ticking clock isn’t distant anymore - like the narrator, it’s becoming louder.

“Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright.
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.”

The footsteps stop abruptly, as the walker pauses, and takes a deep breath. A hand reaches out towards the handle of a door to the right-hand side, and then hesitates momentarily. Whoever this is, they're uncertain of their next move. They stand there, debating their decision. The ticking is louder than ever before, as the narrator's voice now booms. The speaker is behind the door. Whoever or whatever they represent, it seems the walker isn't sure they want to see them.

“Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

With a jerking motion, the hand moves decisively and opens the door in one swift movement, as if our subject wanted to rip off a band-aid. The door swings open with the creak of ages. At first, we see very little. This is a bedroom, but not one that's been used in living memory. The bed is perfectly made up, but the style of the room is old. Old fittings, old furnishings. Decadence, but also decay. The viewer's eyes rest on the bed for a moment, and then down at their feet. Bare feet, emerging from the end of legs clad in black corduroy. Slowly and hesitantly, we turn, facing the far wall of the bedroom. There, we find a man standing next to a large, open wooden wardrobe. The wardrobe, like the room, is largely bare, save for a few tweed jackets. As for the man - he's dressed in a dinner suit, as if he were a butler from years gone by. He's old and infirm, leaning on a crutch to keep himself upright. Despite his frailty, he's looking right at us with a gaze of pure British steel. He continues to speak - directly at us, now.

The ticking has become deafening.

“And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.”

Based on the movement of our field of vision, it seems our subject nods at the old man in recognition. Well might he, too - long term viewers of Riot Star Wrestling will recognize him as Maurice Evans. Maurice Evans, who was once crippled and broken, but who has spent over a year in convalescence. Maurice Evans, who is back on his feet. Maurice Evans, the closest confidante of….

“Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”

Our subject takes a few paces forward, towards the wardrobe, and looks down. There, dumped in a heap in the corner of the wooden vessel, is an old pair of wrestling boots. Battered, red, wrestling boots. There’s a deep sigh as a hand reaches down to pick them up….and the scene fades out into blackness. Despite that, the ticking continues.

Slowly, in the dark, a shape begins to form. At first, it's just a circle, as if drawn as a chalk outline, but then details are etched upon and within it. Numbers. Lines. The hands of a clock. Above and below the sphere of the clock face, roses bloom, jagged and wilted. The hands of the clock spin, and then freeze at 8:15. As they do, a crack forms across the face of the glass, shattering it and freezing the hands of the clock in place.

The ticking stops.

As the clock lingers on the screen, text is plastered across the image in bold, red type.

“Farewell does not mean goodbye.”

Beneath it:-

“At Anarchy 50, Rob Riot comes home”.

The scene ends, cutting abruptly back to ringside.

TOMMY ONIONS: Well, fuck my fucking life!

[vastrix]

BOB MOONEY: The following contest is a Pandemonium tag team match! Featuring first…"Chronic" Eric Chronister and "Homie" Aaron Oritz. They are the Convicted!

The lights go out as "Convict" by Bilal plays as two bright spotlights shine down on the entrance. A group of prison guards walk out as "The Convicted" get led out, surrounded by even more armed prison guards. They slowly walk the two men down to the ring as the fans cheer for the two men. Chronic smiles at the fans as he passes them. Homie tries to wave, but the prison guards start to get closer, pushing him toward the ring. When they reach the ring, the prison guards stand there as "the Convicted" enter the ring and prepare for their match.

JOSEPH GREER: So...prison work release program? Normally the guards don't stay with the workers all day like I heard these guys do.

TOMMY ONIONS: Normally a work release program, they take you to the work site. They pick you up when your shift is over. They don't escort you around your job site. I know this from experi-I mean from a friend.

JOSEPH GREER: That's what I had thought. So why the guards I wonder? What are they really here for?

TOMMY ONIONS: Maybe you go down and ask them?

JOSEPH GREER: I guess I'm not that curious about what's going on.

BOB MOONEY: And their opponents...Joseph Mcgee and Frankie Jones!

"Live While We're Young' by One Direction begins playing as Joseph Mcgee and Frankie Jones walk out from the back and looking mystified at the selection of music. They seem to collect themselves and head down to the ring.

TOMMY ONIONS: I take it that Last Direction didn't want them music from One Direction? Too much on the nose?

JOSEPH GREER: Something like that.

BOB MOONEY: The first stipulation of this match will be a Coal Miner's Glove on a pole match!

All four wrestlers watch in the ring as the pole with the heavy glove is connected to a neutral corner where it's suspended above the top rope. After quick conversations, Homie stands in the ring against Frankie Jones.

TOMMY ONIONS: So the first to get to the coal miner's glove can use it? Or is it you have to get a pinfall and then you can legally go get it.

JOSEPH GREER: I think it's the first to actually get it will be the one to use it and then they will be able to do the pinfall. That is if the match type doesn't change before the end of the match.

TOMMY ONIONS: What a complex match. I'm confused already. I think I need a drink!

Frankie Jones heads right for the corner, taking a quick german suplex off of the turnbuckles! Frankie rolls to his feet, charging the standing Homie to take him into the corner with a spear.

Frankie holds the ropes as support to slam knee lift after knee lift into Homie's ribcage. Shawna Savate tries to council Frankie to back away, but he only laughs at the female ref.

Shawna looks around as Frankie continues to brutalize Home, knocking him down to a seated position so he can use the top rope as leverage for a choke.

JOSEPH GREER: Why isn't Shawna counting Frankie out for the illegal move?

TOMMY ONIONS: Technically, I don't think any moves are "illegal" in a Coal miner's glove match.

Chronic runs across the ring to stop the action, but is stopped as Joseph McGee leaps over the top rope to hit a drop kick! He rolls out of the ring while Shawna splits her time between trying to get Frankie to stop and Chronic back to the ring.

"Iron Wolf" by Beastwars begins playing as Gabriel Tuck runs down to the ring and rolls in. He shoves Chronic back toward the corner. Chronic looks like he's going to attack the new head of security when Gabriel grabs Frankie by the hair and drags him to the center of the ring.

GABRIEL TUCK: When the top ref says to fucking stop. What the fuck you think you supposed to do? Huh, mother fucker?

FRANKIE JONES: What the fuck do you care? Go drink another beer!

Gabriel looks around to the crowd as they just sort of watch his antics with a little bit of an excited anticipated cheering. He reaches into an inner pocket on his leather jacket to pull out a beer! He shows it to the crowd, popping the top, and drinking it in the middle of the ring while pouring nearly half of it out. He throws the empty can at Frankie's chest where it bounces off.

GABRIEL TUCK: Listen to the fucking ref or I'll be back.

Gabriel rolls out of the ring and takes up a seat by the timekeeper. Frankie turns around to see to Homie and is kicked in the gut and slammed down to the mat with a ddt! Homie halfway locked in a sleeper with an arm around Frankie's throat. With his free hand, he delivers kidney punches. He hits a few of these before turning and hitting a snapmare to send Frankie to the mat once again.

With Frankie down on the mat, Homie climbs to the top rope, reaches up, and grabs the coal miner's glove! He drops down to the mat and puts it on as Frankie rises to his feet and-

The bell rings to change the match.

Bob Mooney stands up with the microphone in hand.

BOB MOONEY: This match is now a Texas Tornado Tag Team match!

As the bell rings to restart the match, Homie moves to punch Frankie with the coal miner's glove once again. He is instead hit with a german suplex from behind by Joseph McGee!

Chronic runs into the ring, but catches a back elbow from Frankie, who then sends Chronic into the ropes. He hits a clothesline on the rebound as Joseph begins kicking the downed Homie.

JOSEPH GREER: Shawna has lost control of this match again! Is Gabriel going to jump in again?

TOMMY ONIONS: The guys are following the new rules of the match though.

Gabriel Tuck looks like he's going to get up, but doesn't get up as Homie and Frankie make their way to the corners. Joseph grabs Chronic to pull on him and hits a European uppercut. He grabs Chronic again, but Chronic breaks out, and hits a pumphandle slam. He begins stomping Joseph down, turning and hitting the entering Frankie with a spear into the corner.

Homie enters the ring, kicking the rising Joseph in the gut, and sending him back to the mat with a gutwrench power bomb! Chronic upends Frankie, sending him over the top rope, and out of the ring to the concrete floor.

Homie gets Joseph up into a suplex position as Chronic climbs to the top rope. Homie hits a jackhammer as Chronic dives off of the top rope to hit a frogsplash!

Homie goes for the pinfall while Chronic watches for Frankie.

One


Two


Three!

JOSEPH GREER: I think there was three stipulations planned for this match, but it only had made it to the third.

TOMMY ONIONS: What was the third stipulation?

JOSEPH GREER: No idea. They aren't spilling the beans on this kind of thing. Eric and Aaron win with their double team move called the Conviction.

TOMMY ONIONS: Funny that a couple of felons would name their double team move the Conviction.

JOSEPH GREER: Ex-felons. They're free men.

TOMMY ONIONS: Then explain the guards.

JOSEPH GREER: I can't really explain the guards. I can explain that the Convicted will gain two points in the XHF Global tag team standings.

Eric Chronister and Aaron Ortiz exit the ring and are escorted to the back by the prison guards.

[vastrix]

JOSEPH GREER: What a start to our night we’ve had here in Ibiza, Spain! Pandemonium has begun and there’s a feeling in the air tonight Tommy! Anything can happen!

TOMMY ONIONS: It’s my kinda night baby! Crazy match types can change at a moment’s notice! I can hardly contain my boner!

JOSEPH GREER: On that note…I’m getting word that our back stage cameramen have something for us.

The cameras rolling backstage catch Andi Snow just as she’s entering the hallway toward the private dressing rooms.

TOMMY ONIONS: And speaking of my boner…Andi Snow!

She’s outfitted in an oversized black hooded sweatshirt that’s large enough to conceal what she’s wearing underneath as it ends right around her upper thighs. Her hair, up in it’s signature long ponytail, rests over one shoulder.

Stepping down the halls, presumably heading toward her dressing room, Andi abruptly stops in her tracks as she unexpectedly finds herself face to face with ‘D.’

ANDI SNOW: Can I help you with something?

She asks, rolling her eyes with a sigh.

D: I get it. I can understand your frustration with Alyssa, and having to face her tonight…but just so you know, I’m sorry that everything had to come to this, and hopefully going forward there won’t be any animosity between us.

ANDI SNOW: Just so you know, my frustration at this point isn’t only with Alyssa. Let me ask you something, D….Have I ever, oh I don’t know, slipped into your DM’s?

D: I….I don’t know what that means.

ANDI SNOW: No? Okay let me try again. Have I ever tried to seduce you, or give you any reason whatsoever to believe that I was interested in anything other than a professional relationship, if even that, with you? Ever made a pass at you? Ever expressed any desire to sleep with you?

D: Not that I’m aware of, no, but…

Andi holds a finger up as she interjects before D can finish.

ANDI SNOW: Exactly…and have you ever explained any of that to your fiancée? I’m gonna go ahead and guess that’s a no too, or at least if you have done so you didn’t do a very good job of it because here we are. No, my frustration isn’t only with Alyssa. It’s with you..it’s with this entire situation. The fact that I’m having to face Alyssa, at a Pay Per View match of all places, instead of an actual competitor to advance in this business and earn my spot up in the ranks is just BEYOND. This entire situation serves no purpose for me and it’s a waste of my time. We’re in Ibiza. If I’m not going to do something here that matters, then I could at least be enjoying myself at a Foam Party or something. But no, I have to fight your jealous, bitter fiancé who is insecure because of something I’m sure has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with you. So if there’s anyone here who should be regretful, it’s me. I regret that I ever asked for your advice in the first place. Just remember, D. Whatever happens to Alyssa in the ring tonight is just as much on her as it is on you. I hope, for her sake, that you trained her well. Now excuse me…I need to get this over with.

Without another word Andi pushes past D and continues on her way as the scene transitions back to the arena.

JOSEPH GREER: Tensions running high there between Andi Snow who faces ‘D’s’ fiancée, our own Alyssa Lucchi later tonight.

TOMMY ONIONS: Andi said it herself…this is on him too!

JOSEPH GREER: One has to wonder exactly what Andi Snow means by that. Andi has been known as a relaxed type, we’ll call it, but just now there was an intensity we don’t often see in Miss Snow, let’s see what happens when these two get in the ring later tonight! But up next we have the third and tie breaker in the series of matches between veteran powerhouse Leon Dread and rookie luchador Pequeno Dinosaurio!

[vastrix]

BOB MOONIE: This next contest is a Pandemonium match! The first stipulation for the match will be a russian chain match! Featuring first, hailing from Mexico City...Pequeno Dinosaurio!

BOOM BOOM! ACKA-LACKA LACKA BOOM!
BOOM BOOM! ACKA-LACKA LACKA BOOM BOOM!

"Walk the Dinosaur" by Was (not was) starts to play, fans, especially the younger ones, begin clapping along to the silly, but infectious beat of the song.

Practically slithering through the curtain, Pequeno Dinosaurio is welcomed to a modest cheer for the brightly colored tecnico!

TOMMY ONIONS: This is the third time that these two are facing each other in the ring. Does Dino guy have some sort of desire to see how many concussions that he can bring upon himself?

JOSEPH GREER: Now, Pequeno managed to pull off a win at the last Anarchy. He might pull off a win now under Pandemonium rules.

Pequeno Dinsosaurio bounces into the ring over the ropes and holds out his wrist for the ref to hook him up to one end of the chain.

TOMMY ONIONS: Let me get this straight. Every few minutes, the rules for the match can and will change? It's crazy!

JOSEPH GREER: That's right. This match will begin with a russian chain, but who knows what the match might change to in a few minutes. Wrestlers won't be able to plan strategy too far in advance without knowing what the stipulations are going to be.

BOB MOONEY: And his opponent, hailing from Salem, Massachusetts…"Hell's Soldier" Leon Dread!

"Slip to the Void" by Alter Bridge begins playing to welcome Leon Dread through the entrance curtain. The crowd boo him once they see his six foot, five inch frame walk out onto the entrance stage. He looks around in satisfaction that his presence brings before heading down to the ring.

JOSEPH GREER: Pequeno gives up over a hundred pounds in weight and just over a foot in height to Leon. We have seen in previous matches where Leon just hurls Pequeno around the ring like some kind of toy.

TOMMY ONIONS: That's because he is! What will Dino guy do when this first stipulation limits his mobility. He can only get so far away with the chain on.

Leon Dread steps over the ropes, holding out his wrist for the referee to place the other end of the chain on. He gives Pequeno a wicked grin as the chain is locked into place.

LEON DREAD: We may only need a few minutes to end you.

PEQUENO DINOSAURIO: Not if I can help it, Senor.

As the bell rings to start the match, Leon Dread yanks on the chain to pull Pequeno into a brutal clothesline that sends Pequeno hard to the mat. Leon takes up all the slack in the chain that he can and whips Pequeno's chest with it!

Leon goes to whip him again, but Pequeno rolls out of the way and to his feet. He dodges another whip from the chain and nails a drop kick that backs Leon up to the ropes instead of knocking him down.

Pequeno springs at him, hitting Leon in the gut with a knee to double him over. He grabs Leon with a front face lock and goes for a ddt, but Leon tosses him over the top rope with a back drop!

Pequeno hits the floor in a heap, but isn't there for long as Leon pulls out the slack in the chain. He pulls Pequeno up like a macabre puppet.

Leon steps over the ropes to the ring apron and goes to kick Pequeno in the head, but the tecnico dodges out of the way and pulls Leon's other leg out from underneath him to bring the giant down to the floor with him!

Pequeno tosses the chain down so that some of the slack lands on Leon's face and stomps down hard onto the chain!

JOSEPH GREER: Pequeno knows how to use the chain to his advantage.

TOMMY ONIONS: He had better know how to use it. I don't know how he's going to drag Leon to the four corners so he had better be hoping that the stipulation is going to change up soon.

Leon Dread sits up, blood running down the side of his face from the stomp. He gather up some slack in the chain around his fist as he rises to his feet.

Pequeno dodges a chain punch, jumps up to the ring apron, and then to Leon's shoulders. He hits a hurricanrana that sends Leon head first into the steel steps to demolish them!

Leon starts to get back up, but a drop kick to the back sends him right back into the bottom stair step!

Leon gets to hs knees, pulling hard on the chain to yank Pequeno into a chained punch to the gut. A chained uppercut sends Pequeno to the concrete floor with a bit of blood splattering from Pequeno's mouth!

Leon stands up, dragging Pequeno up, and tossing him over the top rope like a lawn dart. He gets up to the ring apron, pulling on the chain to stand Pequeno up. He pulls the chain up to wrap it around Pequeno's neck, gathering up as much slack as he can. He looks down to the floor to see where he's going to land when he jumps to the floor. The crowd boo him as he prepares to jump.

JOSEPH GREER: He's going to break Pequeno's neck!

TOMMY ONIONS: Then if the stipulation changes, it won't matter what it is if Dino guy can't fight back. Genius!

The bell rings to announce the end of the Russian chain stipulation. Bob Mooney stands up from his seat with the microphone in hand.

BOB MOONEY: The Russian Chain part of the match has now ended. It is now a Falls Count Anywhere match! Contestants must remain where they are and allow the chain to be removed or else be disqualified!

Leon looks put out as the chain is removed from him and Pequeno. The brightly colored tecnico moving to the center of the ring and rubbing the back of his neck. Leon Dread steps over the ropes and into the ring.

TOMMY ONIONS: Dino guy was saved by the bell! He almost had his neck broken by Leon!

JOSEPH GREER: Now that the stipulation has changed, the new stip favors Pequeno since he can use the entire arena as his canvas.

The bell rings to restart the match. Pequeno and Leon begin to circle each other in the center of the ring. Leon seizes Pequeno by the throat, lifts him up high, and choke slams him into the corner! He grabs the top rope for leverage as his slams his knee into Pequeno over and over again.

Leon backs up a little to let Pequeno come away from the corner, but then grabs the top rope again to hit a point blank avalanche. He rips Pequeno out of the corner, lifting him up, and hitting a pendulum backbreaker! Leon grabs a wrist and ankle on one side of Pequeno.

He picks Pequeno up, spinning around, and hurling Pequeno at the corner! Pequeno lands feet first, launching from the corner to slam his shoulder into Leon's jaw to bring the big man down to the mat!

A quick standing moonsault later and Pequeno goes for the pinfall!

One


Tw-Leon kicks out!

Pequeno jumps to his feet as Leon is slower to rise. Pequeno starts to jump, but Leon strikes him first with a brutal heart punch! Pequeno lands back on his feet, clutches at his chest, and takes a few steps backwards before falling to his back.

Leon grabs the top rope for leverage and places his foot onto the side of Pequeno's head, pulling up on the ropes to drive increase the pressure on Pequeno's skull.

TOMMY ONIONS: Jesus H Christ! Dino guy's head is gunna pop like a zit!

JOSEPH GREER: I would hope not. We can't take another death in the ring.

Leon steps off of the side of Pequeno's head and drops down with a dropping punch to the throat! He pulls the gagging Pequeno up into the air and goes for a power bomb to the turnbuckles.

Pequeno turns it into a hurricanrana that sends Leon's head right into the top turnbuckle! Pequeno pops up and hits a drop kick to send Leon through the turnbuckles to smash his shoulder into the ring post!

Leon begins working to pull himself out of the corner, but a quick leg kick keeps him from using his feet as leverage. A drop kick to the rear end of Leon sends him back to the ring post.

Pequeno Dinosaurio backs up as Leon Dread pulls himself from the corner. He rushes back in, diving over the top rope as he catches Leon's head, and pulls his throat down over the top rope! Leon's head and body snap back and he falls to the mat in the center of the ring as Pequeno quickly rolls back into the ring. He climbs to the top rope, signalling his Five Star Pterodactyl Splash when the bell rings once again! Bob Mooney stands up with the microphone in hand.

BOB MOONEY: The match is now a Mountaintop Challenge! To win the match, one must hit three moves from the top rope or higher!

Pequeno Dinosaurio raises his arms into the air in celebration as the bell rings to restart the match. He leaps off of the top rope to hit his splash when Leon gets a foot up into the air to hit Pequeno in the jaw!

Pequeno lands on the mat next to an angry looking Leon Dread.

TOMMY ONIONS: Now the rules are slanted to the high flying Dino guy!

JOSEPH GREER: I'm sure if Leon puts his mind to it that he can hit some off the top rope moves, but you are right. This match now favors the lighter Pequeno.

Leon Dread slowly climbs to the top rope, waiting for Pequeno to get up. He hits a double axe handle off of the top rope, sending Pequeno crashing back to the mat.

JOSEPH GREER: That's one high flying move for Leon.

Leon Dread goes back to the top rope, clearly looking uncomfortable as he balances himself on his perch. He jumps to drop an elbow, but Pequeno rolls out of the ring instead so that Leon impacts the mat!

Pequeno pulls Leon so that his head is hanging over the ring apron and pulls a standing moonsault legdrop from the floor to Leon's throat!

TOMMY ONIONS: Now that was a hot move, but it wasn't from the top rope so it doesn't count.

JOSEPH GREER: Right,

Pequeno rolls into the ring and climbs to the top rope. He waits for Leon to slowly get up before hitting a missile drop kick!

JOSEPH GREER: Now they are tied at one move each.

TOMMY ONIONS: Leon is going to struggle with this match now. Though, he can take his time getting to the top rope if he inflicts enough harm.

JOSEPH GREER: Good strategy.

Pequeno Dinosaurio jumps back to the top rope, waits for Leon to stand, and leaps! Leon catches him in midair! He powerslams Pequeno into the turnbuckles, hanging him upside down. He uses the ropes as leverage and presses his boot to Pequeno's jaw.

TOMMY ONIONS: Leon gonna just crush Dino guy's skull into paste!

JOSEPH GREER: Then I suppose that he won't move out of the way when Leon goes to the top rope.

Leon steps off of Pequeno's head and lifts him up while climbing to the top rope. He hurls Pequeno off of the top rope and through the timekeeper's table!

TOMMY ONIONS: Sweet Jesus! Does that count as a top rope move?

JOSEPH GREER: I'm getting word that yes. It will count as a top rope move. Now all Leon has to do is jump down onto him and this match is all over!

Leon looks down to the broken Pequeno, uncertain that he really wants to jump from such a height. He looks to the referee, who shakes his head.

REFEREE: You're on the last stip. It's not going to change.

Leon sighs, but grins at the amount of potential damage that he can inflict. He leaps through the air, crashing into the shattered table where his momentum carries him into the security railing!

Pequeno Dinosaurio stands up, but grabs onto the ring apron for support. He watches as Leon Dread slowly gets up. Pequeno hits a leg kick, bringing the giant down again before rolling into the ring. He climbs to the top rope as Leon stands up and leaps off of the top rope to land a hurricanrana! Both Pequeno and Leon lay in the crumbled remains of the table.

JOSEPH GREER: That is going to count as a top rope move to tie them up once again. The next one to land a high risk move wins.

TOMMY ONIONS: Now they just need to get up.

The crowd cheer on both Pequeno Dinosaurio and Leon Dread in the attempt to get them to stand up.

Both of them slowly stand up. Pequeno rolls into the ring with Leon hot on his heels. Pequeno drills a drop kick to send Leon into the corner and follows. Leon drills Pequeno with a right hand and moves to get to the top rope. Pequeno follows him up and the two begin exchanging punches.

Pequeno Dinosaurio ducks under a punch and sweeps both legs out from under Leon to send him to the concrete floor! Pequeno leaps from the top rope to hit a five star Pterodactyl splash! The bell rings to end the match.

TOMMY ONIONS: Sweet Zombie Jesus on a Stick! Did you see how high Dino Guy jumped into the air?

JOSEPH GREER: I did. Incredible!

BOB MOONEY: Winner of the match...Pequeno Dinosaurio!

Pequeno Dinosaurio rolls into the ring and begins celebrating his win while clutching at his ribcage in obvious pain.

[vastrix]

A booming voice echos out throughout the arena.

“…because this business has gone soft…and I’m the closest thing to Viagra Wrestling’s ever going to see!”

JOSEPH GREER: Oh great…he’s coming back…

TOMMY ONIONS: Come on Greer! It’s all in fun! It’s Parsons!

The crowd cheers as ‘Cocky’ by Kid Rock begins playing as Video clips show a highlight reel of ‘The Nightmare’.

A figure in the promotion from day one, the first clip goes all the way back to the debut show ‘Inception’, clips are spliced together of all three matches Parson particulates in on RSW’s maiden show! Beating later and perennial champion Morcant Davis with the groin shot heard around the world, then losing to a trivia question answer for wrestlers who only showed up at Inception in Micheal Davis and then finally being the second last to be eliminated from the battle royal to crown RSW’s first Champion!

JOSEPH GREER: Remember when he would do open challenges?

TOMMY ONIONS: Nope…

JOSEPH GREER: You know…he’d have two matches sometimes three a show…

TOMMY ONIONS: Nope…was this before I started?

JOSEPH GREER: You’ve been at every show Tommy…

TOMMY ONIONS: Oh yeah! In that case…still no…

The crowd cheers as it switches to Parsons as he loudly and offkey sings “Na Na Na Na (Hey hey hey goodbye)” to Rob Riot the night Parsons shocker all of RSW by retiring(for two whole shows), RSW’s namesake Rob Riot!

TOMMY ONIONS: I forgot about that!

JOSEPH GREER: I think most people did Tommy, I think most people did…

And in the Final one, a blurred out man who clearly isn’t Morcant Davis has Parsons in Morcant Davis’s signature Midwest Eye Gouge. This was the night Parsons was blinded.

Ending with the number fifty to a round of applause.


Returning at Anarchy 50!

‘The Nightmare’ Chris Parsons

[vastrix]

JOSEPH GREER: So this is the time for the Koresh Family to have a few words with us.

TOMMY ONIONS: Are you scared?

The lights come back on to reveal a bunch of hooded figures stood in middle of the ring. The smaller figure pulls down her hood revealing herself to be Emily Koresh. She is dressed in what could only be described as a Victorian inspired S&M outfit with lots of flesh on display.

EMILY KORESH: Greetings and salutations ladies, gentlemen and those of you out there in television land yet to decide if they want some tackle swinging between their legs or not. My name is Emily Koresh and this fine young gentleman standing next to me is my cousin Caleb. He looks a bit weird but being over seven feet tall he doesn’t give a damn what you think. In days gone past we would have been in what you people call freak shows.

Caleb seems to have a form of regressive atavism, meaning that he has inherited traits of a reptile. His skin is hardened. Emily slaps Caleb on the back who doesn’t look too impressed at all with the proceedings. She smiles and looks around.

EMILY KORESH: But we’re not just here to introduce us to you, we’re here to introduce to you my brother to you………He is the two-time RSW World Heavyweight Champion………It is none other than the thirteen times World Heavyweight Champion of the world and one of the owners of this company, he is Nocturnal!!!!

The crowd, in warbled drunken, adrenalized unison, join Emily’s spiel.

That last syllable, chanted by Nocturnal’s dark minions and echoed no doubt, by millions upon millions in front of monitors in dens, living rooms, sports bars and less wholesome establishments across the world.

The crowd leans forward.

Then the lights in the arena dim. The Big Screen comes to life with just static. The static seems to zoom back, revealing a television. A small blonde haired girl, Heather O'Rourke, sits looking at the television. She seems mesmerized by the static on her television. Craig T. Nelson and Jo Beth Williams are standing behind her. She slowly raises her hands and places them on the screen of the television.

Craig T. Nelson: Carol Anne, what is it, honey?

Jo Beth Williams: Baby, are you ok?

The girl slowly turns her head back to them.

Heather O'Rourke (Carol Anne): They're here...

Deep shadow covers the screen.

Parts of the screen slowly lighten up to reveal what appears to be a silhouette.

In darkness, a blood curdling cacophony: the squeal of unoiled winches, the rasp of hooks and razors being sharpened; and worse, and the howl of tormented souls. Above this din one particular victim yells for mercy with a mixture of tears and roars of rage.

Now the Screen is awash in people, crawling, scrabbling, and shambling masses, some of them moving in reverse. A sound like moaning accompanies them. The picture switches again. A figure stands upon a shore, its face shrouded. It points accusingly, not towards the screen, but at something unseen off to one side. The insect-like screeching sounds louder.

On the screen is a close up of an eye. Inside that eye is the sentence reflected in reverse: "You’re Worse Nightmare Is Back." The eye blinks once, twice. The word remains. "Narcissistic Cannibal" by Korn starts blaring out. Suddenly the lights go out. Suddenly the screen seems to clear, what looks like the moon appears on it.

It's not the moon at all, they realize. The shape is round like a full moon, but it seems to be made up of thin ribbons of cloud streaking against a night sky. And there's a face, we see, a face hidden in shadows, looking down from above. The picture has a grainy look to it as it changes. The scene is of a young girl sitting in a chair in a straight-jacket behind her stood to her left is a Doctor. The nerve-wracking grating as if of some giant metallic insect sounds in the background, but the young girl doesn't seem to notice. The Doctor stood to the left of the girl suddenly changes position from the left part of the picture, to the right. Almost instantly the Doctor returns to its original position, but in that one moment in its changed location we see a huge man with a shadow covering his face. The young girl turns towards where that figure stood, and smiles.

The screen next becomes a twitching, undulating impenetrable sea of the kanji characters used in the Japanese language. The viewers can pick out only a few things recognizable in English:

"Run whilst you still can."

Now the screen is awash in people, crawling, scrabbling, and shambling masses, some of them moving in reverse. A sound like moaning accompanies them. The picture switches again. A figure stands upon a shore, its face shrouded. It points accusingly, not towards the screen, but at something unseen off to one side. The insect-like screeching sounds louder.

On the big screen is a close up on inhuman, alien-looking eye. Inside that eye a single word is reflected in reverse: Pain. The eye blinks once, twice. The word remains. It changes and we see a long shot of an outdoor, swimming pool, the man with the shadows for a face is swimming in it and the straight jacket young girl sits by it.

The arena drops into darkness as this weird movie is playing out on the big screen. Suddenly pyros explode in front of the big screen, as the fans literally jump from the shock. The roving arm of the overhead camera picks out people in the crowd. As they realize there on the screen they hold the signs higher. Orange strobes cut around the arena as blue smoke billows from underneath the grating on the ramp way. The whole entranceway bursts into flames. A figure can be seen on the other side of the flames; he is dressed in black robes with the hood pulled up.

He pulls the hood down, dropping the robes to the floor revealing to the crowd who it is; then, raising his massive arms over his head in an age-old gesture of defiance and supremacy as phosphorus flames blast in twin columns to the heavens behind him.

He stands motionless, emotionless. Then on some unseen signal he launches himself forward into the flames without a seconds thought, his dark eyes glaze over. He stands with his arms outstretched like a crucifixion. Flames lick around his head and engulf his clothing, yet he emerges from the other side unscathed.

He slowly walks towards the ring holding his back ignoring the cheers from the crowd. Nocturnal, dressed in a "Sadistic Bastard" T-shirt. As he passes a camera he stops and looks directly into the lens. He has the look of an arrogant champion on his face. He sees a sign which has on it “Nocturnal is our God” Nocturnal grabs it and holds it up to the camera.

JOSEPH GREER: Seems like Nocturnal wants to speak to his people.

TOMMY ONIONS: But what after Caleb did to Joe Beb they may turn on him.

JOSEPH GREER: What?

TOMMY ONIONS: Time to hang onto your ball sack Joseph or it might be pulled off.

He climbs between the ropes and strides to the far side of the ring. Climbing the turnbuckle he lifts his arms up high to the cheers of the crowd before he grimaces. Flash bulbs blink from all around the arena catching this moment in history. He gets down and looks around he nods his head and stands in the middle of the ring and roars as pyros explode behind him and the rest of his family.

TOMMY ONIONS: The Koresh family are here in force.

JOSEPH GREER: Most of them but can you see that look Nocturnal is giving Caleb?

The smoke clears in the ring, he leans over the ropes and grabs a microphone off of one of the ring crew. He returns to the centre of the ring tapping the microphone making sure it is working; He looks around the arena awaiting the people to be quiet so he can talk. He cocks his head to the side.

JOSEPH GREER: The owner is out here to speak.

TOMMY ONIONS: Ok Mister obvious.

NOCTURNAL: Thank you sis but I will take it from here.

A chant of “Nocturnal” goes around the arena.

Nocturnal sadistically smiles as he limps around the ring.

A cheer goes up.

NOCTURNAL: So the Innovator of Darkness is back in a RSW ring? Can you believe next show is the fiftieth Anarchy?

Nocturnal smirks.

NOCTURNAL: So with the rumours flying around about some returning stars I’ve just got to confirm that Nocturnal will NOT be facing his arch-nemesis, Morcant Davis.

The fans go crazy as Nocturnal approaches the camera and sends a middle-finger across the world.

A laugh goes up around the arena.

NOCTURNAL: Everyone is scared of me? A lot of the locker room is now especially as I’ve got some power. None of them are answering my calls.

He looks into the camera and smiles.

NOCTURNAL: Some of the returning people will be announced tonight but we’re going to leave it for a surprise for the night.

He walks around the ring.

NOCTURNAL: So I’m putting this out there. I will be teaming with one member of the Koresh Family against someone; I don’t care who it is in the world but they better step up as me and whomever I decide to tag with will be bringing it.

He pauses. Caleb turns his head and looks at Nocturnal before returning to looking at the camera.

NOCTURNAL: We will fight fire with fire; it will be their baptism of flames. So let’s see if anyone can stand against the family.

He throws the microphone to the mat and rolls out of the ring with the rest of the collective. As they walk up the ramp way Nocturnal seems to be surprised that he’s getting a few chants of “Nocturnal”

JOSEPH GREER: Ladies, gentlemen, who will it be? It could be anyone in the world.

TOMMY ONIONS: I know Joseph; and this match is going to be amazing.

JOSEPH GREER: And like he said; it could be anyone!

[vastrix]

Backstage, Gabriel Tuck walking down a hallway with Shawna Savate by his side. They look like they've been talking for a bit.

GABRIEL TUCK: Look. I can't go charging into the ring every time a wrestler don't listen to your commands. You can't disqualify them if there ain't no rules.

Shawna rolls her eyes.

SHAWNA SAVATE: I know that I can't just disqualify people, but should I just watch as someone like D chokes someone to death? I don't like Shane Mitchell, but I don't want him dying on my watch. What should I do?

Gabriel Tuck lights a cigarette with a chuckle.

GABRIEL TUCK: The answer should be fairly obvious. Hang on. Guys? Can I borrow the two of you for a moment?

Two roadies stop in the hallway in front of Gabriel and Shawna. Gavin and Kevin.

GABRIEL TUCK: I want to show Shawna something. You guys know something of some wrestling moves, yeah? Gavin put Kevin into a choke hold.

Gavin grins as Kevin willingly gets down on his knees and lets Gavin put him into a rear choke hold.

SHAWNA SAVATE: How does this help?

GABRIEL TUCK: Now imagine you've told Gavin to release the hold and he doesn't. It's a no dq match so you can't do that. What do you do?

SHAWNA SAVATE: All I can do is yell?

GABRIEL TUCK: Kick Gavin in the face.

SHAWNA SAVATE: What?

GABRIEL TUCK: You heard me. Kick him in the face.

SHAWNA SAVATE: Sorry!

Shawna kicks Gavin in the face, breaking the choke hold. Gavin jumps to his feet, blood streaming from his nose.

GAVIN: What the fuck, bitch?

Gabriel seizes Gavin as he lunges at Shawna and slams him into the wall.

GABRIEL TUCK: This was just a quick lesson in discipline. It doesn't have to be more than that. Yeah?

Gavin, knowing when he's beaten, nods.

GAVIN: Yeah. I get it.

GABRIEL TUCK: Good.

Gabriel releases Gavin and he leaves with Kevin, mumbling curses under his breath.

GABRIEL TUCK: You might have medical look at that nose!

GAVIN: Fuck you!

Gabriel picks his cigarette up off of the floor, taking another drag from it before offering to Shawna, who accepts it and takes a drag from it before handing it back.

GABRIEL TUCK: It don't matter if a match has rules or not, if they hit you the match is over. There ain't no rules about you hitting them. Be more aggressive!

Shawna gazes down the hallway where the two roadies had gone down. She looks back to Gabriel with a smile.

SHAWNA SAVATE: I'll try to be more aggressive. Thank you for the help.

Gabriel Tuck picks a different direction and begins walking down it.

GABRIEL TUCK: Somebody get me some fucking beer!

[vastrix]

BOB MOONEY: The following contest is a four way Pandemonium match! Featuring first...Kintaru!

"A Nightmare to Remember" by Dream Theater begins playing as Kintaru walks out from the back. He grins at the booing fans before heading down to the ring.

TOMMY ONIONS: The man of the freaking hour. The second time in a row that Kintaru has made it to the arena. The last time he managed to defeat Shane Mitchell to earn his title shot at Night of Champions.

JOSEPH GREER: That he did. It's a shocking turn of events to tell you the truth.

TOMMY ONIONS: One might think that Kintaru is getting preferential treatment for some reason.

JOSEPH GREER: I'm not sure how he would get this treatment for not coming to the arena when he has to come.

BOB MOONEY: Next to come to the ring is...Dexter Payne!

"Headstone" by Whiskey Myers plays as Dexter Payne walks out from the back to a mild mixed reaction from the crowd. He heads down to the ring, testing the ropes in the corner.

JOSEPH GREER: It's Dexter Payne's first match here.

TOMMY ONIONS: He should be facing Senor Vinnie then. Shouldn't he? The Newbie Eater.

JOSEPH GREER: No. Senor Vinnie has moved on to be in title contention now.

BOB MOONEY: Third to the match...Johnny Stylez!

"Cold" by Crossface begins to play, but no one comes out. Bob Mooney just shrugs.

JOSEPH GREER: I order where Stylez is?

TOMMY ONIONS: I don’t know. Maybe in the hospital after Zepp tore him up at the last show?

JOSEPH GREER: I suppose that could be.

BOB MOONEY: And finally in the ring...Adam Reck!

"The World Belongs to Me" by My Darkest Days begins playing as Adam Reck walks out from the back to the cheering of the fans. He makes his way down to the ring as there is a loud metallic shifting heard high above the ring where fans can see spotlights shining on a steel cage.

BOB MOONEY: The first stipulation of this match is a steel cage!

The fans roar their approval as the steel cage is lowered into place.

TOMMY ONIONS: So, if I'm getting this right. If someone escapes the steel cage before the stipulation changes then the match is going to be it?

JOSEPH GREER: Yes. I’m hearing that they drew lots before the match, which makes me wonder if they already knew that Stylez wasn’t around? Anyway, the first two in this match are Adam Reck and Dexter Payne.

The bell rings to start the match as Kintaru finds himself a nice, cozy corner to watch the carnage from. Adam Reck and Dexter Payne begin circling one another in the ring, trying to find an opening to go in for.

TOMMY ONIONS: So, Adam Reck is from Hell now?

JOSEPH GREER: That's what the bio currently says. Why?

TOMMY ONIONS: You think he knows Leon Dread? I mean he is a soldier of Hell and Reck is now a General? Should Leon salute Adam?

JOSEPH GREER: It's all for play anyway so I don't think that it matters.

Dexter Payne begins the match by spearing Adam Reck to the mat, continuing his offensive with a series of mounted punches. He stands up, watching Adam rise. He whips Adam into the ropes and hits a big boot on the rebound that sends Adam to the mat with authority!

Dexter pulls Adam up, decks him a couple of times, and then sends him hurtling over the top rope to slam face first into the steel cage!

JOSEPH GREER: Dexter Payne starting out in a dominating fashion.

TOMMY ONIONS: Looks like he's thinking of winning the match right off the bat!

Indeed, Dexter starts climbing the cage with Adam down on the ring apron between ropes and cage. Kintaru glides down the ring apron and grabs Dexter by the leg, pulling him down to the mat.

Dexter confronts Kintaru at the corner where Dexter points at him in warning. Kintaru uses that as an opportunity to tag himself in. Dexter looks to Shawna Savate with wide eyes like WTF, but she ushers him out of the ring as Kintaru steps into the ring.

While this plays out, Adam Reck stands up with the help of the steel cage. He has blood running down his face from his scalp from where he impacted the steel cage.

Kintaru runs at Adam Reck as he returns to the inside of the ring, but Adam ducks under a clothesline. Kintaru turns to face Adam and is tossed backwards in an exploder suplex!

Adam jumps to his feet where he meets Kintaru with a kick to the gut, a fireman's carry, and a detonation kick to the side of the head! Adam goes for the cage wall to begin climbing it, but Dexter Payne begins shaking the walls to knock him down.

Kinaru reaches over the ropes as Adam starts to rise to pull him into the ring. Kintaru applies a front face lock, quickly turning it into a choke. Shawna sees the change in the move and begins yelling at Kintaru, who quickly turns the move into a ddt instead. Kintaru perches on Adam's back, applying a reverse chin lock that he once again turns into a choke. Shawna is again in his face to get him to release the choke, but Kintaru isn't budging.

TOMMY ONIONS: Shawna does know that she can't just disqualify Kintaru?

JOSEPH GREER: She's got to stop the choke somehow.

When Kintaru doesn't break the hold, Shawna goes into a five count. When Kintaru ignores that, Shawna looks to the crowd for support. When they cheer her on, she kicks Kintaru in the face!

JOSEPH GREER: That got him to break the illegal hold!

TOMMY ONIONS: The hold isn't illegal during a steel cage match.

JOSEPH GREER: Gabriel Tuck told her to kick the uncooperative in the face and she did.

TOMMY ONIONS: Yes, but what will Kintaru do in response?

Kintaru releases Adam Reck and stands up, getting nose to nose with Shawna Savate. She tells him that she don't care what the rules are. If he touches her, he won't be winning the match.

Kintaru turns around to get hit by a running european uppercut and then a stiff headbutt to send Kintaru to the mat. Adam Reck climbs to the top rope…

Dexter Payne grabs him from the top turnbuckle for something of a back suplex off of the top rope against the steel cage! Dexter goes back to his corner as Kintaru walks up to the scene.

The bell rings to pause the match!

BOB MOONEY: The match is now a last man standing!

Bob Mooney sits back down and the bell rings to restart the match. Kintaru watches as Adam Reck uses the steel cage to get to his feet. He grabs Adam by the head to bring him over the ropes and into the ring. Kintaru whips Adam into the ropes, but Dexter tags himself in at the ropes.

On the rebound, Kintaru hits a spinebuster against Adam Reck. He stands up with a vicious smile as he regards the downed Adam. Dexter Payne slams Kintaru from behind with a double axe handle that staggers Kintaru forward. He turns around to get nailed with a European uppercut before being dropped with a swinging neckbreaker.

TOMMY ONIONS: I see that the steel cage isn’t being lifted.

JOSEPH GREER: This is true. I wonder why it’s not being moved?

Dexter Payne pulls Kintaru up to his knees, but Kintaru punches Dexter in the thigh. Kintaru stands up, hitting a spinning back elbow followed by a spinning power slam. He steps back to allow Shawna to start counting.

One

Two

Three

Four

Fiv-Dexter stands up!

Kintaru nails Dexter with a high forearm before tossing him with a belly to belly overhead suplex! He walks over while Dexter is down to tag in Adam Reck with a punch to the jaw!

JOSEPH GREER: Well, that was uncalled for.

TOMMY ONIONS: They are still opponents in this match.

JOSEPH GREER: I suppose.

Adam Reck steps into the ring, holding his jaw, and looking at the exiting Kintaru. Adam turns back to Dexter, only to walk into a scoop powerslam! Dexter stands up and begins to stomp a mudhole into Adam. Dexter pulls Adam up, hitting an arm trap swinging neckbreaker before backing away so that Shawna Savate can begin to count.

One


Two


Three


Four


Five


Six


Seven


Eight


Nine


T-Kintaru jumps into the ring and kicks Adam Reck, who responds by jumping to his feet. Shawna Savate works on getting Kintaru back out of the ring.

Adam Reck crosses the ring, grabbing Dexter Payne by the arm as if to do an irish whip, but hits a ripcord clothesline instead! Dexter gets right back up, but is grabbed and brainbustered back to the mat.

Adam Reck stands up and backs away so that Shawna can count. He jumps when Kintaru tags himself in with a smack on the back! Shawna sees the tag and begins to count Dexter Payne out.

One


Two


Three


Four


Five


Six


Seven


Eight


Nin-Dexter Payne stands up.

Kintaru grabs the still wobbly Dexter and hits a Kintaru Cutter!

JOSEPH GREER: This could be all over! I think Dexter is out cold!

TOMMY ONIONS: And hitting his Kintaru Kutter to boot!

JOSEPH GREER: Yeah, he did that too.

One


Two


Three


Four


Five


Six


Seven


Eight


Nine


Te-the bell rings to pause the match!

TOMMY ONIONS: Saved by the fucking bell!

JOSEPH GREER: What are we going to now?

Carts loaded down with ice and fresh fish are being rolled down to ringside and the cage is slowly being lifted. With a cart on each side of the ring and the cage out of the way, Bob Mooney stands up.

BOB MOONEY: The final stipulation for this match is All the Fish! It's a hardcore match, but the only weapon allowed is the fresh fish at ringside. Enjoy.

Kintaru rolls out of the ring, grabs a catfish, and rolls back into the ring with it as Dexter Payne slowly make his way to his feet.

Kintaru makes his way to Dexter and swings the catfish at him. Dexter blocks the fish with his forearm, causing the fish to explode into a shower of meat and viscera.

Kintaru looks down at himself in a brief moment of disgust, catching a spinning wheel kick in the gut to double him over. Dexter backs up to the ropes, bounces off, and misses a superman punch as Kintaru side steps! Kintaru clotheslines Dexter over the top rope! He follows Dexter to the outside, grabbing a large mouth bass from the nearby cart. He slaps Dexter upside the head with it and then a second time before the fish explodes.

TOMMY ONIONS: Gross. Just gross.

JOSEPH GREER: Who would come up with such a gross match.

Kintaru rolls Dexter into the ring and follows. Kintaru pulls Dexter up into a power bomb position, however once on Kintaru's shoulders, Kintaru throws Dexter forward and knees him in the face in a GTS-esque fashion! Kintaru goes for the pinfall!

Adam Reck starts to go into the ring, but gets pulled down by Johnny Stylez! He hits a spinning unprettier onto the concrete floor!

One


Two


Three!

JOSEPH GREER: I thought that Johnny was unable to compete?

TOMMY ONIONS: Maybe he didn't want to compete.

Kintaru stands up with his arms raised in victory, glancing down at ringside to see the back of Johnny Stylez retreating through the crowd. Kintaru smiles, going back to celebrating his victory.

JOSEPH GREER: This is the second time in a row that Kintaru has been helped to victory! Why?

TOMMY ONIONS: I'm sure D and Johnny Stylez each had their own reason for their interference.

JOSEPH GREER: Well, we're going to take a quick break and show some video clips of last week's show of Joe Beb against Caleb Koresh.

TOMMY ONIONS: Joe has a new penis!

JOSEPH GREER: Yes, we will cover that too while the fish mess is being cleaned up.

[vastrix]

The arena goes dark, the RioTron is draped in black.

Tick…Tock…Tick...Tock…Tick…Tock…

A slow, rhythmic ticking of the clock is all that is heard though the arena.

?: When this company started, it was to be different. Special…

Changing to a blinding light, a pendulum is set to the ticking of the clock. Swinging through the light, it provides brief reprieves from the blinding spotlight it washed the arena in as the capacity crowd sits in silence.

?: Nigh on five years later and here we are…

A voice can be heard whispering in the background, “Is it time?” as a flash reveals one single word in black and white. “Riot”

TOMMY ONIONS: So because Riot founded the place, his ego needs two vinaigrettes!

JOSEPH GREER: Vinaigrettes? What are you talking about?

TOMMY ONIONS: You know, like the video earlier?!

JOSEPH GREER: You mean, vignettes?

TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah! Vinaigrettes!

JOSEPH GREER: Five years in folks, five years in…

Fading out, the crowd cheers as we fade in to a helicopter piloted by the one and only, former RSW co-owner(one of many), RB Cardone launches a missile, blowing up the original RSW Headquarters as a younger, more hairful, Rob Riot and a man whose face is completely blurred out, dive several stories out a window to the relative safety of the harbour below.

A silhouette appears in the spotlight as the fans reach a fever pitch. Standing still just a moment, the telltale cadence of a man in boots gets closer as the silhouette grows with each step until the figure is all but on top of us…

FRANK WINDSOR: Oy! The fuck is with the spotlight cunt?! Didn’t you get this dark, brooding schite out of your system earlier?! Fuck! What’s next? Fowler wearing bloody eye liner like he’s a 1990’s Indy comic!?

A record scratch reveals a set with a plain black background and Rob Riot and Frank Windsor. Some rummaging and clanging draws attention behind them before the black background rips open to reveal, none other than, Billy Fowler!

BILLY FOWLER: How about now?

Clearly Fowler has been trying to remove eye liner and face paint but only had enough time to remove half, leaving him a man of two faces.

ROB RIOT: *sighing* Now’s as good a time as any…

Turning to the camera, they all give a cheeky thumbs up to the camera.

ALL: We’re baaaaaack!

As each Bastard gets a cheesy sparkle added to their smile an announcer takes over.

ANNOUNCER: That’s right! At Anarchy Fifty…The Bastards will fight…each other!

All three look to the others, the look around for the source of the announcer’s voice before asking as a group.

ALL: Now why would we do that?

ANNOUNCER: In a ‘Loser gets the bar tab on a Saturday night’ Triple Threat Special Attraction!

Knowing they couldn’t pass on a potential free even with the lads, all three Bastards begin eyeing each other suspiciously. The screen goes to black with bold white lettering.

2 Hybrid Championships
1 Anarchy Championship.
2 RSW Tagteam Championships
2 RSW World Heavyweight Championships
1 Huge Bar Tab


The Battle of the Bastards

Panning back to the arena, we’re ringside at the announcer’s table with Joseph Greer and a visibly excited Tommy Onions.

TOMMY ONIONS: FRANK!

JOSEPH GREER: That’s right everyone! At a landmark Anarchy Fifty, the Bastards are coming back to settle it once and for all, which is the greatest bastard?

TOMMY ONIONS: FRANK!

JOSEPH GREER: The man who is pinned must pay for the bat tab on a Bastard’s night out to be filmed for a later Anarchy!

TOMMY ONIONS: FRANK!

JOSEPH GREER: Well, we can tell who Tommy’s rooting for…let’s get back to the action!

TOMMY ONIONS: FRANK!

Cameras go back to the ring and Bob Mooney for the next match.

[vastrix]

BOB MOONEY: This next contest is a four way Pandemonium match and is for contendership for the Anarchy and Legacy championships! Featuring first…"Lucky" Joe Beb!

"Big Dick" by Little Big begins playing, but no one comes out from the back.

JOSEPH GREER: We don't have another one skipping their match now? Also, what's going on with this song? I thought that he had a different song for his entrance?

TOMMY ONIONS: He did get a new penis?

Joe Beb walks out from the back. The crowd give him a cheer, but that changes to some shocked shrieks when they see him.

TOMMY ONIONS: Is he for real?

JOSEPH GREER: I think he is. How?

Joe Beb has a hole cut in the front of his trunks to allow his penis to hang out. The end is covered in a sock with ace bandaging covering the rest. It hangs down to between his ankles as he walks slightly bow legged to the ring.

A few fans point and laugh saying that the penis is fake, but Joe Beb stops in front of some of them. His penis rises up on it's own like it were a serpent and smacks the offending woman across the face. She stands with her jaw hanging open and her hand on her face, obviously in deep shock. Joe Beb heads to the ring, his penis wrapping itself around his waist like a belt.

JOSEPH GREER: I...I...there's no words.

TOMMY ONIONS: Joe Beb has the biggest and most talented penis ever! How could there be anything but words for it?

JOSEPH GREER: How did he even get something like that put on?

TOMMY ONIONS: He works through Dr. Gonzo like I do. Need some narcos? Dr. Gonzo will see that you get them. I have some oxys on me right now.

JOSEPH GREER: Just awful.

BOB MOONEY: And the next in the match...Mila Rader!

"Bubble, Pop, Electric" by Gwen Stefani begins playing as Mila Rader walks out from the back. The audience give her some polite applause as she makes her way down to the ring.

TOMMY ONIONS: I know her books! I love the Vampire Who Shagged Me!

JOSEPH GREER: I don't think that's even a book, much less something written by Miss Rader.

TOMMY ONIONS: You don't know. I know she writes about vampires so I know something.

JOSEPH GREER: You do know something.

Mila Rader steps through the ropes where she comes into view of Joe Beb. She stops when she sees his overlarge member wrapped around his waist like a Saiyan's tail (for those of you who know Dragonball Z). She looks to the ref with wide eyes. You know the look. The "Why the fuck am I even in the ring with this perverted monstrosity?" look. The ref just shrugs and Mila goes to her corner.

JOSEPH GREER: Mila not amused by the giant penis being showboated about by Joe Beb. Who would?

TOMMY ONIONS: Why Joe Beb would! I bet Caleb Koresh will be just dying at the chance to get a trophy like that.

BOB MOONEY: And the third opponent to come down to the ring...Caleb Koresh!

The Big Screen comes to life with just static. The static seems to zoom back, revealing dripping water. The picture switches again. A figure stands in darkness, its face shrouded by a hood. It points accusingly, not towards the screen, but at something unseen off to one side.

On the screen is a close up of an eye. The eye blinks once, twice. Suddenly the lights go out. Suddenly the screen seems to clear, what looks like the moon appears on it. Chanting begins from what seems nowhere.

The arena drops into darkness as this weird movie is playing out on the big screen. Suddenly pyros explode in front of the big screen, as the fans literally jump from the shock.

BOB MOONEY: Hailing from Abilene, Texas; on his way to the ring, one of the Koresh Family, it is the King of Monsters, Caleb Koresh!"

The roving arm of the overhead camera picks out people in the crowd. As they realize there on the screen they hold the signs higher. Blue strobes cut around the arena as red smoke billows from underneath the grating on the ramp way.

Stood at the top of the ramp way is a hooded figure criss-crossed from head to toe with the scars of a thousand battles. He raises his arms above his head in an age-old gesture of defiance and supremacy as phosphorus flames blast in twin columns to the heavens behind him. Akheth's "Let Me Feel The Pain" starts blaring out.

It is Caleb Koresh. He slowly walks towards the ring ignoring the boos from the crowd. Behind him is his cousin Emily Koresh. He passes a camera and stops and looks directly into the lens.

He then slowly steps up the ring steps; step after step, walking with such a purpose. As he places his foot on the ring apron he immediately follows up by thrusting his opposite leg through the ropes, as he lunges into the ring.

Looking around momentarily, he mounts the turnbuckle adjacent to the stairs, resting his left foot on the top rope. With a brief look from side to side, he lowers his hood and gazes around the facility, soaking in the numerous reactions from the crowd. Upon listening to their calls he hops down into the ring and takes off his hoodie and then hands it to ring crew.

TOMMY ONIONS: A Koresh and a big introduction ceremony. I guess we shouldn't be shocked.

JOSEPH GREER: No, we should not.

BOB MOONEY: And finally to this match...Steve Murdock!

"Lunatic Fringe" by Red Rider begins playing as Steve Murdock walks out with a barbed wire wrapped 2x4 on his shoulder. He still looks like he has fire damage from the fireball thrown by Andi Snow and cuts down the side of his face from cuddling his weapon. He raises the weapon up with a shout to cheering fans before making his way down to the ring and putting his weapon in his corner. He rolls into the ring, leering at his opponents.

JOSEPH GREER: The participants in this match drew lots to determine who will start. In this case Joe Beb and Mila Rader will start the match.

TOMMY ONIONS: Mila will see what Joe can do with the new penis first hand!

BOB MOONEY: The first stipulation of the match will be a First Hugs match! It's a hardcore match where the first to apply a bear hug for the count of ten wins the match!

TOMMY ONIONS: Oh how cuddly!

JOSEPH GREER: Who thinks of these things?

TOMMY ONIONS: I don't know. This is a better stipulation than "All the Fish".

JOSEPH GREER: I suppose.

As the bell rings to start the match, Joe Beb unfurls his penis to Mila Rader's extraordinary discomfort. He holds out his arms as if to offer a hug, but Mila Rader backs away with a look of revulsion plain on her face.

Pauly goes in for a grapple that Mila tries to avoid. She avoids it and hops over the penis leg sweep that follows. She steps on the end of the penis, using it as a springboard to knee Joe in the gut!

TOMMY ONIONS: Jesus! I never expected Joe's new penis to be used like that!

JOSEPH GREER: Mila seems to be resourceful.

Mila hits a snap suplex, sending Joe to the mat. She jumps to her feet, meeting Joe as he rises as well. She grabs him for a bear hug, clasping her arms tight around Joe's chest and arms to prevent him from escaping.

That is until his penis darts up between her legs and makes an attempt to bury itself in her butt. Mila releases Joe, jumping back away from Joe with a shocked scream. Joe takes advantage of the moment to belly to belly suplex her to the mat.

Joe Beb quickly hits a kneebar drop on Mila before backing up. Steve Murdock uses his barbed wire 2x4 to get the extra reach to tag himself in.

TOMMY ONIONS: Can Steve Murdock do that?

JOSEPH GREER: There's no rules against it right now. I suppose it's alright.

And indeed it is as the ref ushers Joe Beb out of the ring and allows Steve Murdock to come in with his weapon. He takes a swing at her with the 2x4 that Mila ducks under and springs up to take Murdock down with a russian legsweep!

Mila stands up and kicks the board out of the ring. A quick standing moonsault sees Mila laying on the mat as Murdock rolls out of the way at the last moment.

Murdock pulls Rader up, smashing her with a forearm smash, and then sends her back to the mat with a scoop slam! He pulls her back up again and applies the bear hug! The ref gets into position to begin the count.

One


Two


Three


Four


Five


Si-Caleb Koresh breaks the hold!

TOMMY ONIONS: Caleb making sure that the match doesn't end without him in the ring.

JOSEPH GREER: It's a good ploy.

Steve Murdock follows Caleb Koresh to the corner, decking him with a laugh. Caleb responds by tagging himself in. Steve curses as the ref tells him to leave the ring.

Mila sees the monster step into the ring and quickly tags in Joe Beb, who steps into the ring with a great big smile. He gets into a fighting stance, both fists and penis raised.

TOMMY ONIONS: Oh snap! Joe Beb has been looking forward to this. You don't know revenge lust until you've lost your penis!

JOSEPH GREER: Have you lost your penis before?

TOMMY ONIONS: Just misplaced it in your ex-wife before.

JOSEPH GREER: Oh you-

TOMMY ONIONS: Language!

Caleb Koresh backhands Joe Beb, sending him crashing to the mat. Joe jumps back to his feet and is promptly backhanded back to the mat again! He bounces up again, blood trickling down the side of his face.

Caleb picks Joe up as if to do a backdrop, holds onto him, spins around, and slams him down for an Alabama Slam! This time, Joe doesn't pop up.

Caleb grabs Joe by the end of the new penis and pulls him up to his feet. He grabs Joe by the shoulders, hitting a headbutt that sends Joe crumpling to the mat as the bell rings to pause the match.

BOB MOONEY: The second stipulation of this match is…

Ring hands begin bringing down tables, strange bottles, and small boxes of matches.

BOB MOONEY: An Inferno Tables match! To win, light the table on fire with the bottle and matches before putting your opponent through it.

JOSEPH GREER: Oh jeeze.

TOMMY ONIONS: A fiery stipulation to be sure. Look how happy Caleb is. It's not like Beb is going to put him through a table!

Caleb Koresh grins wide as Joe Beb stands up. He steps out of the ring, grabs a table, and tosses it into the ring. He follows with a bottle and a box of matches. Joe Beb watches with a fair amount of trepidation as Caleb sets a table up, pours some liquid on it, and sets it on fire.

Caleb grabs Joe by the shoulders, but Joe's penis goes right up to smack Caleb right between the legs! Caleb's eyes go wide as Joe's penis works to hit him in the back of the knees to drop him down to his knees. Joe applies a chicken wing to the smarting Caleb before giving up on the move and shoving Caleb's face into the fire!

JOSEPH GREER: Ouch! That's not going to send Caleb through the table, but it sure looks like it hurts!

TOMMY ONIONS: Especially when you consider that's a gel that's on fire and it's transferred to Caleb's face!

Caleb backs away from the table, getting to his feet. He tries to wipe away the fire, spreading it to his hands as he does so. He begins smacking himself as he blindly walks to try to put out the fire, tripping over Joe's penis that moves into the way. He falls into the corner where Steve Murdock tags himself in. Caleb Koresh rolls out of the ring where he is met by Emily Koresh with a wet towel to help put out the flames.

Steve Murdock crosses the ring, grabs Joe Beb as if for an irish whip. He begins the motion, but Joe doesn't get very far away as his penis wraps around Murdock's leg to pull him down instead. Murdock sits up quickly enough, but the penis wraps around his neck to choke him. Joe tries to help Steve in pulling the penis from around his neck.

TOMMY ONIONS: I can't believe what I'm seeing!

JOSEPH GREER: Is Joe's penis acting on it's own? I can't even believe I'm saying anything close to that.

Steve hits a punch square to Joe's nuts that causes the penis to go slack. Steve pulls Joe down with a double leg takedown, mounts him, and begins to rain down punches. He stands up, pulls Joe up, turns toward the table with a shout, and drops Joe next to the table as Joe's penis tries to enter his open mouth!

Joe does a takedown, sending Steve through the burning table as the bell rings to pause the match once again.

TOMMY ONIONS: Did he make it?

JOSEPH GREER: No! The match has changed just before Murdock went through the table!

TOMMY ONIONS: I wonder what the next stipulation is going to be?

Stage Hands came streaming to the ring like worker ants, putting out the fire that was Steve Murdock, taking the burning broken table from the ring, and guiding an old electric chair down to the middle of the ring. It looks like it’s connected to a couple of car batteries underneath with the switch on the back of the chair.

JOSEPH GREER: What on earth are we looking at now?

TOMMY ONIONS: No idea, but it looks awesome!

BOB MOONEY: The next stipulation for this match is called Shock Therapy! Strap your opponent into the electric chair and turn it on to win!

Steve Murdock stands up with a grin, causing Joe Beb to back up until Mila Rader tags herself in!

Mila jumps up to the top rope and dives into the ring over Joe's shoulder, grabbing Steve with her legs for a Milacanrana! She jumps up onto the seat of the chair, leaping off of it to grab Murdock, and deliver a tornado ddt!

She tries to get Murdock up, but struggles with his weight. Steve stands up with a laugh, going for a backhand that Mila dodges. She kicks Murdock straight into the knee to destablize him, pulls him to the front of the chair, and delivers a standing moonsault drop kick to plant him firmly into the chair.

Mila moves quickly to strap in Murdock's arms and legs. She's about to pull down the cap to go onto his head when her arm is grabbed by Caleb Koresh. He lifts her up into the air to look at her in the eye.

CALEB KORESH: You ain't winning, sunshine.

Caleb punches Mila once in the gut, she's double over except for the fact of hanging by one arm. He makes a motion as if to bite her like a vampire might when he drops her suddenly.

Joe Beb snuck up behind and pulled down his trunks, attempting to quickly insert his penis into Caleb's butt. Caleb spins around for Joe's penis to meet his own in a conflict that was only going to have one outcome.

Caleb's goes cross eyed as he falls to his side and clutching at his nuts in a fetal position. Mila looks ready to fight Joe, who ignores her and begins wailing on the downed Caleb with...his penis.

Mila pulls the metallic cap down onto Murdock's struggling head and walks behind the chair. She waves at fans before she pulls the switch to shock Steve Murdock into next Tuesday. The ref raises her hand in victory as Steve Murdock laughs like a maniac through the pain.

Caleb Koresh rolls out of the ring, pulls his trunks back up, and looks to grabs for one of the other tables when Emily Koresh runs down to ringside and grabs him by the arm. She shakes her head and Caleb calms down, heading to the back with her. Joe Beb stands in the ring, watching them go as his penis curls around his waist once again.

Mila watches the Joe Beb and Caleb Koresh confrontation, shaking her head. She continues to celebrate her win.

TOMMY ONIONS: Mila Rader wins the title shot! That's not all she wins!

JOSEPH GREER: I'm sure she isn't interested in your penis.

TOMMY ONIONS: That's not what your ex-wife said.

JOSEPH GREER: Damn it, Tommy!

[vastrix]

JOSEPH GREER: It’s time for….

TOMMY ONIONS: Say it! Say it Greer! *laughing* Say it!

JOSEPH GREER: I’m reasonably certain both of these young ladies do not want the moniker this match has been given used on air.

TOMMY ONIONS:*laughing* Say it Greer! Fine! I’ll do it! It’s time for Battle of the Bitches!!! Ummm…bitches!

JOSEPH GREER: It’s time to settle an odd feud here in Riot Star Wrestling. Between Andi Snow and our own backstage interviewer Alyssa Lucchi!

TOMMY ONIONS: Hey Greer, since this is ‘Pandemonium’ is there any chance this is a mud wrestling match or something…you know…awesome?

JOSEPH GREER: None. But this could be a sleeper Tommy. Andi has a chip on her shoulder as we saw earlier and then there’s Alyssa. How much has she learned in the lead up to tonight? We’re about to find out!

The crowd cheers as ‘Isn’t She Lovely’ as covered by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes blasts through the arena!

BOB MOONEY: Introducing first…making her professional debut…from Brooklyn, New York!!! Alyssa Lucchi!

Any nerves are nowhere to be seen as Alyssa comes through the curtain smiling at her old friend announcing a moment she never dreamed of before tonight!

JOSEPH GREER: There’s Alyssa Lucchi…

TOMMY ONIONS: Already further than I thought she’d get…

Her ring attire gains a few catcalls and cheers from the predominantly male crowd. A black pleather catsuit, trimmed with red, a shimmering wetlook, her hair matches.

TOMMY ONIONS: I feel like I don’t comment on how lucky of a son of a bitch ‘D’ is. Look at her…

Slapping hands with fans, you get the sense that Alyssa had always wondered what this aspect of thing felt like and she was clearly enjoying herself.

JOSEPH GREER: Alyssa Lucchi all smiles as she makes her way to the ring Tommy. Now, of course, she’s received some training from her fiancée…the challenger in tonight’s World Championship match, ‘D’…but again…Andi Snow has been a standout athlete pretty much her whole life. Has Alyssa bitten off more than she can chew?

TOMMY ONIONS: Fuck yes she did!

JOSEPH GREER: Succinct, analytical commentary as always partner…

Reaching the ring, Alyssa gets a brief set of instructions from Shawna before they exchange pleasantries.

Bob Mooney hugs his friend looking worried, but he heads back to center ring to continue the introductions.

BOB MOONEY: And her opponent… From Beverly Hills, California…please welcome…Andi Snow!

“Electric Lady” by Janelle Monae plays as the Ibiza crowd gets into the music!

JOSEPH GREER: And here’s the high flying former gymnast, Andi Snow! Her evolution has been fun to watch thus far, but as far as this one goes…there are some who say Andi’s the victim here.

TOMMY ONIONS: Some? Andi didn’t do shit Greer! Alyssa is totally at fault here and now she’s a couple minutes from getting dat ass kicked! Alyssa’s jealous and Andi about to show her why that’s bad for you!

Stepping through the curtain, the baby blue t-shirt is replaced with a sleek black, while the Greek alphabet “A” on the chest written is in gold rhinestones.

Her hair is pulled up her her typical, near trademarked high pony tail, while her shirt is tied up around the ribs to reveal her abdomen. A pair of black latex mini shorts, gold elbow pads, and black tennis shoes with white toecaps.

Perhaps a sign that she has gold on her mind, Andi doesn’t even stop on the stage to blow kisses to her growing fan base, instead she glances around briefly before starting down the aisle.

JOSEPH GREER: This whole thing is a by product of people like Shane Mitchell and, most recently, Kintaru, using Alyssa as a way to get to her fiancée, ‘D’.

TOMMY ONIONS: Bullshit! This is about Alyssa Lucchi’s past. She did shit in her past and if you ask Andi, maybe it’s because Alyssa has a guilty conscience!

Stoic, Andi isn’t herself. Even with her renewed social life and her new ‘bestie’ Ellie waiting backstage to start the after party, Andi seems annoyed more than anything.

JOSEPH GREER: Are you suggesting Alyssa’s been unfaithful? And check out Andi Snow’s expression, your girl is looking annoyed out there Tommy.

TOMMY ONIONS: Maybe, that might explain why Alyssa is so worried about ‘D’ around other women. But about Andi…wouldn’t you be fucking annoyed Greer? She didn’t do anything and now has to beat some sense into a silly backstage interviewer instead of a Pay Per View match that actually furthers her career!

Reaching the ring, Andi hops over the top rope with a vault. A practiced ease lends Andi infinite confidence as she glances Alyssa up and down.

JOSEPH GREER: I guess when you put it that way Tommy, but there is an upside…

TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah, they both wore tight outfits!

JOSEPH GREER: Can we get past both young ladies’ outfits.

TOMMY ONIONS: I’d love to…

JOSEPH GREER: Moving on…

DING! DING!! DING!!!

JOSEPH GREER: There’s the bell Tommy! Now let’s see how Alyssa fares in her first match ever!

TOMMY ONIONS: Come now Greer, first match? I hear Alyssa has been pinned by lots of wrestlers over the years!

Alyssa starts by walking straight to the middle of the ring much to the amusement of one Andi Snow.

JOSEPH GREER: Your jokes aside Tommy, Alyssa is showing some guts Tommy, ‘D’ has been training her after all. Ultimately though we’re about to find out just how quick of a learner Alyssa is!

TOMMY ONIONS: You’re right, she’s showing guts, but she’s shown a lot more in the past! Look, for me, this is normally a toss up match when I look at two fine ass ladies who want to tear each other apart, but since we squashed that beef, I am ‘firmly’ behind Andi Snow. In fact if that position is ever available, call a guy! Please. Please call me…

The two ladies stare each other down for a few seconds, fans clap with anticipation.

JOSEPH GREER: Here we go! Both women at center ring!

With a smirk, a shove from Andi sends Alyssa a step back only to stand right back into Andi’s face!

JOSEPH GREER: Andi Snow showing almost no respect for Alyssa Lucchi here…

TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah alright, but where was the respect from Alyssa when this whole thing started?

JOSEPH GREER: Alright, fair point but you have to admit, it did sorta look bad.

TOMMY ONIONS: Only if you assume Andi’s a ho. I think that’s what pissed her off honestly, I mean look at her Greer, if she wanted a man, she’d have him. Me, you, ‘D’…probably half the women here…

Locking up in a collar and elbow tie up, Alyssa gives her all, only to be shrugged off and sidestepped as the over aggressive interviewer stops just short of the corner!

JOSEPH GREER: K Tommy, we get the point! Shrugging off a collar and elbow tie up, Alyssa now backed into the corner and Andi…

TOMMY ONIONS: Andi Snow giving Alyssa a piece of her mind Joey!

Embarrassed, and slightly frustrated, Alyssa turns to see Andi bowing as a gymnast might following a gold medal performance. The crowd eats it up, roaring with a mix of cheers, laughter and almost no detractors.

Taking a deep breath, Alyssa steadies herself for another try.

JOSEPH GREER: Alyssa is clearly giving her all, but Andi has a definite experience edge and with an Olympic Gymnastics background, she also has the edge in athleticism, Alyssa is going to need…

TOMMY ONIONS: …to realize skills aren’t sexually transmitted? What Greer? Don’t look at me like that!

JOSEPH GREER: Noticeable by his absence is Alyssa’s fiancée, ‘D’. He’s no doubt busy preparing for his RSW World Heavyweight Championship match later tonight against the Champion Shane Mitchell.

Locking up again, this time Alyssa doesn’t force things as much, causing Andi to go on the offensive.

JOSEPH GREER: Another collar and elbow tie up, Andi Snow now snatching a side headlock…

TOMMY ONIONS:*laughing* You said snatching during a woman’s match!

JOSEPH GREER: …Andi wrenching that side headlock, Alyssa looking for a way out…

Grasping around Andi’s waist, Alyssa forces them back into the ropes then, using the ropes to generate forward momentum, sends Andi Snow into the far ropes.

JOSEPH GREER: Andi Snow back across the ropes…whoa! She ducks a wild clothesline attempt from Alyssa…

Slipping under the glorified haymaker, Andi hits the opposite ropes going into a handspring bringing the crowd to it’s feet!

JOSEPH GREER: …Andi now getting comfortable as the pace quickens!

TOMMY ONIONS: Oh shit!

Springing backward, Andi goes for a handspring back elbow only to take a double knee backstabber!

JOSEPH GREER: Backstabber! Looks like Alyssa had that one scouted! The cover!

………One!

……………..Two!!

Andi kicks out milliseconds after Shawna’s hand slaps the mat for two!

JOSEPH GREER: Alyssa gained a two count there with that incredibly well timed counter!

TOMMY ONIONS: Sometimes you just get lucky Greer! Let’s see what see does with it!

Alyssa stays on Andi, pulling her to her feet and locking up a front face lock before a vertical suplex.

JOSEPH GREER: Alyssa staying busy, suplex! Clearly she did get some training in in the lead up to tonight’s in ring debut!

TOMMY ONIONS: ‘K, it’s two moves Greer…don’t get ahead of yourself!

JOSEPH GREER: Hey, I’ve known Alyssa a long time Tommy! She doesn’t need to win to ‘win’ Tommy.

TOMMY ONIONS: She doesn’t need to win to ‘win’? Listen to yourself Greer! Of course she needs to win! Otherwise what was the fucking point!

Getting Andi back to her feet, Alyssa uses a short forearm strike to stagger Andi back slightly.

JOSEPH GREER: Huge head kick! Andi might be out! Cover by Alyssa! What an upset!

………One!

………………Two!!

…………………………Thr…Andi kicks out just in a nick of time.

Andi Snow again kicks at as the referee gets to two!

JOSEPH GREER: Another kick out by Andi Snow! Now, on the surface it may not seem like much, but Alyssa has done some work on the back of Andi Snow and these pin attempts are every bit about wearing down Andi as they are hoping to win the match!

TOMMY ONIONS: Come on Greer! Hoping to win? That’s just pathetic! Is that how far political correctness is now? Trying to win ain’t even a thing anymore? Now it’s fucking hoping?! Nah man, Alyssa needs to start really putting a beating on Andi, maybe take off her top while she’s at it…

JOSEPH GREER: And…there it is! Just when I think you might actually have a point, you remind me that you’re Tommy Onions.

TOMMY ONIONS: The one and only! Wait! Why?...

Frustrated, Alyssa seems lost for a moment, her inexperience on full display. She’s looking around the ring attempting to plot out her next move after what may have been her best shot.

JOSEPH GREER: You can see Alyssa now trying to answer the question ‘how do I put Andi Snow away?’

Coming back at Alyssa, the veteran interviewer goes for a back body drop!

Using her opponent’s ‘help’, Andi leaps high using her leg strength to snap off a hurricanrana that sends Alyssa into the corner, hitting the back of her head on the second turnbuckle.

JOSEPH GREER: Back drop attempt turned into a Hurricanrana by Andi Snow! Alyssa is stunned in the corner! This is a much needed break for Snow!

TOMMY ONIONS: Oh shit Alyssa’s getting up! She’s as stable as a drunk ho, but she’s up!

Using the ropes to pull herself to her feet, Alyssa is in the corner on wobbly legs. The crowd cheers as Andi Snow gets to her feet, shaking out the cobwebs.

JOSEPH GREER: Andi Snow doesn’t look to be having fun anymore. I think she underestimated Alyssa, but not anymore judging from the scowl on her face!

TOMMY ONIONS: Yeah…she’s pissed. Speaking as a man who’s pissed off many a woman…Andi is definitely pissed!

As soon as the back elbow connects, Andi grabs a headlock before running forward and plants Alyssa with a bulldog!

JOSEPH GREER: Textbook handspring back elbow in the corner by Andi Snow…now…bulldog from the corner!

Getting up, instead of basking in the cheers of the RSW fans, a scowl is etched into Andi’s usually delicate features as she stomps Alyssa once for good measure before finally gaining a moment to compose herself.

TOMMY ONIONS: Told ya Greer, she’s pissed…

BOB MOONEY: As per our Pandemonium theme, I have just been informed that this match is now…a hardcore match!

The crowd cheers as an evil smile lights up Andi Snow’s face.

TOMMY ONIONS: Hardcore Battle of the Bitches! This is too good to be true!

Andi rolls outside the ring gaining a fresh pop from the crowd when she slides a black steel folding chair into the ring, rolling in after it.

JOSEPH GREER: Unless your name is Alyssa Lucchi. I wonder what Andi Snow is up to here? As per the brainchild of Esmeralda Von Krauss, the rules have changed and now this one is anything goes! Hardcore rules!

Watching Alyssa use the ropes to attempt to claw her way back to her feet, Andi waits like a bird of prey before swooping in…

CRACK!

The sound of the chair connecting with the back of Alyssa, driver to her knees echoing throughout the arena and drawing a huge cheer from the crowd!

TOMMY ONIONS: Yes! That’s the hottest girl on girl…

JOSEPH GREER: Tommy! This is serious!

CRACK!!

The crowd cheers again as a second chairshot drops Alyssa to all fours.

JOSEPH GREER: Oh my God, Alyssa is down and Andi Snow isn’t done! Shawna Savante needs to step in here and end the match!

TOMMY ONIONS: Not on your life Greer!

CRACK!!!

A third shot leaves Alyssa flat on her stomach, bare mobile, barely conscious.

TOMMY ONIONS: I think I need a cigarette!

JOSEPH GREER: You’re horrible! Alyssa could be seriously hurt!

CRACK!!!

A fourth shot has some in the crowd changing from cheers to concern.

JOSEPH GREER: That’s enough! Someone really needs to stop this! Four blistering shots with that chair!

CRACK!!!!!

TOMMY ONIONS: Make that five Greer! Andi has just showed Alyssa why you don’t just go around accusing people!

Standing over a sprawled out Alyssa, Andi drags her to a corner.

JOSEPH GREER: Andi’s just toying with her now! Come on Shawna! Just end it! She’s had enough!

TOMMY ONIONS: Careful Greer, next it’ll be you in there!

Changing the subject Greer is all business once more. In the ring, Andi drops the chair and signals that the time has finally come.

JOSEPH GREER: Andi looking to put this one away I think!

TOMMY ONIONS: Whenever she’s ready pretty much Joey.

Tying Alyssa and herself up in the ropes, Andi executes a Boston Crab using the ropes for leverage.

JOSEPH GREER: Tarantula! Andi Snow has Alyssa locked in the Tarantula and there’s no rope break to save her!

Alyssa struggles, but like prey caught in a spider’s web, it’s only a matter of time. Cheers echo through the arena as Alyssa displays, if nothing else, a stubbornness worthy of respect.

JOSEPH GREER: Alyssa is trapped! She’s got no where to go Tommy! We might be moments away from the end of this one!

TOMMY ONIONS: My god Alyssa’s flexible, I can see why ‘D’…

JOSEPH GREER: For God sake Tommy!

Tied up in the ropes, thousands of fans are screaming, Alyssa has no choice.

ALYSSA LUCCHI: I…I…give up…

JOSEPH GREER: And mercifully, it’s over Tommy, what a display of heart though by Alyssa Lucchi. With more time maybe this could have been more competitive, but I’m proud of her and the fans aren’t just cheering for Andi Snow Tommy, they’re cheering that gutsy performance from Alyssa too!

BOB MOONEY: Your winner…by submission…Andi Snow!

Andi stands over a crumpled Alyssa soaking in cheers as“Electric Lady” by Janelle Monae plays and Shawna checks on the broken interviewer.

JOSEPH GREER: Despite a slightly rocky start, a dominant win here by Andi Snow! Alyssa Lucchi gave it her all, but Andi Snow just showed why Alyssa’s own fiancée once described Andi as a future star here in Riot Star Wrestling!

TOMMY ONIONS: For once I agree! Andi Snow looking bad and beautiful win the win here Joey! Get a long look at Andi Snow Greer, she just showed us that she’s just as intense as any RSW Wrestler. That’s my girl!

Andi Snow celebrates her win as walks down the aisle. A pop from the crowd draws the camera’s attention as ‘D’ is making his way to the ring.

Without his face paint, he’s clearly headed to check on his battered fiancée but stops for just a moment.

ANDI SNOW: Don’t say I didn’t warn you…

With that, Andi simply walks away leaving ‘D’ to finish his walk to the ring.

JOSEPH GREER: Oh, the tension between those two! ‘D’ has Alyssa to tend to and a championship match later tonight!

TOMMY ONIONS: Did Andi just punk ‘D’?

JOSEPH GREER: I think if Alyssa hadn’t been hurt, maybe…

TOMMY ONIONS: So, yes. Got it. Probably not look My good for later...

JOSEPH GREER: We’ll be back with more Pandemonium right after this!

[vastrix]

JOSEPH GREER: Before we get to our final matches of the night, first let’s take a moment to show our appreciation for the RSW Roster! What a fantastic night of insane wrestling action we’ve had!

TOMMY ONIONS: Randomly changing crazy ass matches, what’s not to love?

JOSEPH GREER: I hate to break this to you Tommy, but eventually tonight will end…

TOMMY ONIONS: You hate everything I love don’t you Greer? Violence, drugs, pussy…you hate everything I love!

JOSEPH GREER: *sighs* Like I was saying, eventually tonight will end, but the party is just getting started. Next up is another huge event! On our way to our five year anniversary this fall, our next stop is a milestone…Anarchy Fifty!

TOMMY ONIONS: So we’re having a party?

JOSEPH GREER: Out of everything I just said, your take away is…a party? Anarchy Fifty is not just a party, it’s going to be a landmark event! Join us as we run down the card!

A graphic for Anarchy Fifty comes up to a healthy applause and a brief “RSW!” chant while Joseph and Tommy start to go over the card, an asterisked line stating ‘Card subject to change’ is highlighted briefly.

JOSEPH GREER: First up is a triple threat match where all three men have a reason to truly give their all! Leon Dread vs Xander Joseph vs Jon Roberts! Leon Dread is looking to rebound after back to back losses to Pequeno Dinosaurio. Xander Joseph is looking to return to RSW in a big way and a win here would go a long way to re-establishing himself. And finally Jon Roberts, the debuting Roberts will certainly be looking to draw attention to himself in our opener!

TOMMY ONIONS: Oh! Oh! I want this one! This one is gonna be dope. If you’re doing hallucinogens make sure they kick in for this one! That’s right morherfuckers! Special Dinosaur vs Dragon Match! We’ve got Pe…Peq…P

JOSEPH GREER: Pequeno Dinosaurio vs Omar Azure?

TOMMY ONIONS: Yes! Dino Guy versus Dragon Dude!

JOSEPH GREER: Next up is a match between two recent arrivals in RSW as Dexter Payne takes on Mila Rader! Both of these exciting new stars are looking to gain momentum and establish themselves as ones to watch!

TOMMY ONIONS: Next up is my girl, Andi Snow versus Aurora Deadwood! Keep that chair handy boo! Those Koresh Family folks are crazy!

JOSEPH GREER: That brings us to the first Championship match of the night as The Convicted, Sean Libby and Apathy and Chris Parsons and Marcus Anderson compete in a triple threat ladder match for the vacant RSW World Tagteam Championship!

TOMMY ONIONS: Wait!

JOSEPH GREER: What?! A new announcement?! Another huge return?!

TOMMY ONIONS: Nah man, just skip me this turn, I want next.

JOSEPH GREER: Professional as always…but we also have special attraction matches like…Rob Riot versus…Jaguar!

The crowd cheers as the image on the screen reveals Riot taking on Jaguar with a special time limit stipulation!

Battling chants of “let’s go Riot!” And “let’s go Jag!” Start taking over only to be replaced with laughter as Tommy Onions.

TOMMY ONIONS: Oh shit! Yeah this one is mine! This one Esmeralda Von Krauss spared no expense bringing in THE GREATEST MIND in Professional Wrestling History! Vince Fucking Russo baby! And for Kevin Rouser, Retro Rob, Joe Beb, an the one and only Mark Force! He’s given us the genius…ROBO-PENIS ON A POLE MATCH!!

JOSEPH GREER: As if we could top the five star rating that one is sure to generate…another return heavy match dubbed the RSW Bowl will see four competitors compete for the Right to be the first to win the Whale Jones Memorial Trophy! Returning stars: Harlem Halladay, Derren Archer, Natasha Harris and Dylan Erickson will enter the RSW Bowl.

TOMMY ONIONS: Another feature match will have former RSW World Heavyweight Champion…Wait am I reading that right? Hunter Valentyne taking on his former Tagteam partner and RSW debut dodger Johnny Stylez! That’s right we’re going back in time for ‘The Myth Killer’ Hunter Valentyne versus ‘L.A. Johnny Stylez!

JOSEPH GREER: We heard about this next match from former multiple time RSW World Heavyweight Champion And Hall of Famer, Nocturnal…The Sadist Bastard himself and a member of his twisted Koresh Family will face a mystery team in a special challenge match! And we’re still not done!!!!

TOMMY ONIONS: And in true RSW fashion of “if Vince and Connecticut can do it…we can too”…it’s Winner Take All as my boy, Senor Vinnie looks to avenge his loss and regain his gold as he faces off with I-Zepp himself…Isaiah Zepp for both the Anarchy and Legacy belts baby!

JOSEPH GREER: That brings us to our final special attraction of the evening as we answer a question logged throughout RSW History!

TOMMY ONIONS: Exactly how many guys has Alyssa fucked over the years?

JOSEPH GREER: Tommy! Need I remind you ‘D’ is still due to come out here tonight? We’re going to find out which Bastard is best!

[Insert Bastards logo here]

JOSEPH GREER: That’s right! Rob Riot will pull double duty that night as he faces his Bastards mates with a prize any true Englishman would love. Whomever is pinned must pay for a night out for all three!

TOMMY ONIONS: That’s at least a couple thousand…of whatever fake ass money they use over there…ummm pounds! A lot of pounds!

JOSEPH GREER: Indeed, so make sure you join us for what should be an Anarchy to remember last we celebrate the half century mark leading to our five year anniversary this fall! All this and more…Anarchy Fifty!!!!!

[vastrix]

JOSEPH GREER: Now we're going to have the rematch we've been waiting for as Senor Vinnie takes on Isaiah Zepp in another Winner Take All match.

TOMMY ONIONS: Right? We should be seeing a video with clips from that last match in a moment.

Silence.

TOMMY ONIONS: Any minute now…

"Circus Apocalypse" by Vermillion Lies begins playing as Esmeralda von Krauss walks out from the back, leaving a trail of smoke from her Egyptian cigarette in it's foot long holder. She sneers at the booing crowd and heads down to the ring.

JOSEPH GREER: What's going on?

TOMMY ONIONS: Senor Vinnie died. Oh gawd! Senor Vinnie died of an Acid overdose didn't he?

JOSEPH GREER: Oh hush with your nonsense. Senor Vinnie isn't dead. I hope.

Esmeralda von Krauss steps into the ring with a microphone in her free hand as she flicks ashes onto the mat.

ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: It has come to my attention that neither Isaiah Zepp or Senor Vinnie are in any shape to wrestle tonight. I blame the party scene of this wretched little hive of scum and villainy.

Esmeralda pauses as the Ibiza crowd boos, waiting for their anger to die out.

ESMERALDA VON KRAUSS: Whatever happened to prevent the match from happening, it isn't happening tonight. It will, however, take place at Anarchy 50!

The boos turn to cheers, though still boos scattered throughout as fans realize they are not going to see the match tonight.

TOMMY ONIONS: I was out partying all night and I'm still here!

JOSEPH GREER: Not everyone is built like you for partying all night.

TOMMY ONIONS: Damn straight!

"Circus Apocalypse" by Vermillion Lies begins once again as Esmeralda von Krauss makes her way to the back.

TOMMY ONIONS: Anarchy 50 is going to be lit, yo!

JOSEPH GREER: It's going to be a heck of a show.

[vastrix]

A somber Joseph Greer stands center screen, the announcer’s desk behind him. Tommy is hidden off camera lest this moment lose it’s importance.

JOSEPH GREER: Thank you again for being with us here in Ibiza! Pandemonium has been one of the most unique events we’ve ever had, But as tonight winds to a close, please join us as we take a look at tonight’s main event.

The cameras turn to the RioTron…

Shane Mitchell is shown during the early days of RSW; making his way to the ring. Cameras erupt around the then Reverend Shane Mitchell, his deceased fiancé Tiffany at his side. Mitchell is all smiles and beaming confidence as they walk the aisle to some long ago forgotten match fading to static.

Cutting through static, ‘D’ is shown making his own way to the RSW ring, Alyssa close by his side. Splices of footage are cut in: Alyssa walking in on ‘D’ helping Andi Snow. Andi is hoisted up in a powerbomb/hurricanrana position with her thighs acting as the enigma’s earmuffs. Followed by footage from Masquerade where Shane’s Mopolytes attempted to get into ‘D’s’ head by showing him just how easy it would be to capture his future bride, or did perhaps a fate far more sinister await Alyssa?

ANNOUNCER: When last these two met, we told a tale of two men walking in different directions along the same path. This time, things have changed…

“D” is shown post match at Masquerade as he snaps, locking Shane his Straightjacket Choke for what seemed an impossible amount of time.

Clips of the EMT’s are shown working feverishly to get the unconscious Mitchell to a local medical facility, spliced with clips of Shane seeming to genuinely smile as he talks to Ellie backstage.

ANNOUNCER: …each man comes into this contest with change in their mind and in their heart!

Mitchell is shown forcefully kissing Alyssa before the scene switches to ‘D’ knocking down the Champion mere moments later. This scene fades into a shot of capacity Masquerade crowd and the ominous and unforgiving Hell In A Cell.

Mitchell is shown launching ‘D’ off the top of the cell in slow motion.

ANNOUNCER: Last time they brought their passion, their will to be the best and lastly…their anger and hatred, into Masquerade!

Shane is shown victorious in their last meeting, overlaid with ‘D’ attacking Eddie Havok, Steve Murdock and, from the crowd, even Shane Mitchell himself! Ending with a slow motion replay of Alyssa’s ill-fated attempt to subdue her groom to be…and the resulting back elbow that laid out the beauty.

A fresher video, from earlier tonight shows ‘D’ helping a battered Alyssa to the back earlier this very night!

ANNOUNCER: Tonight though, will be different. Tonight we challenge the concepts of good and evil, right and wrong and ask…can men change at their very core?

Mitchell is shown menacing Alyssa, overlaid with pictures of Tiffany that transition to Ellie before Esmeralda Von Krauss, RSW’s German devil herself, ends the series of stills.

ANNOUNCER: As I said before; two men walk in different directions along the same path…one man is shrouded in darkness, seeking out the light missing in his life. The other has his heart cloaked in the shadows cast by that same light. Soon, we find out which one is which for a second time, as they now embrace chaos and the Pandemonium to left in it’s wake in a second epic battle for the right to be called Champion!

Fading to black, the match graphic with the RSW World Heavyweight Championship gains a beer from the crowd that only grows soon a live shot of the arena on the RioTron showing the capacity Ibiza crowd as the cameras pan to Joseph Greer and Tommy Onions back behind the commentary table.

JOSEPH GREER: What a match we had between these two back at Masquerade…with the emotion and the stakes just as high, they may just top it here tonight…

TOMMY ONIONS: If they do Joey we could very well be looking at one man dying in that very ring here tonight! I mean, I’m down…it’s been a while since we’ve had a death…

JOSEPH GREER: Let’s just dial that back a touch…we’re all sure that with tonight’s Pandemonium Rules, anything could happen as we get ready for our Main Event! Whose side are you on?

The cameras transition to the ring as Bob Mooney is walking up the stairs to enter the ring to begin the introductions for these two polarized men.