Post by SWAT Team on Jul 24, 2019 8:49:02 GMT -5
Narrator: Shut the front door! My client, Joey Morelli is the man chosen by Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition Owner Joe Pesci to be the challenger for not only the Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition World Heavyweight Title but, Joe Pesci also has chosen my client, Joey Morelli to step inside a XHF Network ring against the current, defending, undisputed, Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition World Heavyweight Champion, the man known as Radu Matei. If I pronounced it wrong..who gives a flying fuck? Nobody knows what race he is anyway. (Narrator laughs to himself.)
What the fuck is going on? How could these humdrum fans be cheering for such a despicable character such as myself? I mean we all know the fans love my client, Joey Morelli. The women love him for his good looks, the men like him for his views on family values and the kids want him to be THEIR daddy. A role model for the ages. But why would you all be cheering for a piece of shit like me?
Simple. Radu Matei is even a bigger piece of shit than I am...if you can believe that. Radu represents all that is wrong with the USA and the American Dream. Radu Matei is nothing but a con man. I know...rich coming from me, isn't it?
Radu Matei thinks he's got it easy come July, 28th at Night of Champions, live, only on the XHF Network. That's where he has made the biggest mistake of his life. No..see..my client, Joey Morelli won't come out here and brag about how he's the only man thus far that has pinned the current champion Radu Matei during his stint here in Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition at the Anzac Cup 2019 Tag Team Tournament. My client, Joey Morelli won't tell you how he and his partner "Timeless" Alex Turner won the next match against Alex Withers and Leon Washington in the finals to actually win the Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition 2019 Anzac Cup. My client, Joey Morelli will not brag about how he and "Timeless" have already qualified for a tag team title shot right here on the XHF Network. I guess I'll have to just toot his horn for him..won't I?
Scene description? Guess that's my job so let me fill you in. One of the twins..we'll make it Twin #1..has just gotten busted at school for cheating. Joey just pulled into the school parking lot and is about to park his BMW. "Nothing But a G Thing", by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg bumps the Bose stereo speakers. Joey gets out of the car wearing work out gear. He has a red "Nike Air" t-shirt on as well as matching sweat pants. Joey gets out of the car, shuts the door and pushes the button on his keychain to set the alarm. Joey begins to walk to the school office. He is greeted by a hot blonde who is doing her best to show Joey she's interested in him, but he just smiles and politely blows her off. He takes a seat and waits to be called into the Principal's office. The door that reads "Principal Geoffrey" opens and out steps a medium built man with black John Travolta style hair and a black goatee. Joey notices a pocket protector and red mini stapler in his right pocket. He sports a pair of black rimmed glasses with tape holding it together in the middle. Principal Geoffrey introduces himself and shakes Joey's hand. He shakes his hand back and finally peeps Twin #1 who won't even look Joey in the eye.
Joey Morelli: Hi. I'm Joey..Joey Morelli.
Principal Geoffrey: Shoot, I know who you are. I'm Jeffrey Geoffrey but you can just call me Geoffrey. You are one of my kids favorite wrestlers. He has your doll and everything!
Joey Morelli: It's more of an "action figure" but thank you, Geoffrey, for buying it for them. I appreciate it. How many kids do you have?
Principal Geoffrey: Two. One boy and one girl.
Joey Morelli That's great! I love my fan base. That's who pays my bills-
Principal Geoffrey: Oh no. Only little Jeffery Jr. likes you. The girl likes Lucky Linda. Some day she wants to grow up and be just like her.
Joey Morelli: Nice! Linda is a great role model for a little girl to look up to. Who wouldn't want to be like her? So tell me, Mr. Geoffrey..why am I here?
Principal Geoffrey: Call me Jeffrey. The reason we called you today is because Twin #2 got caught cheating.
Joey Morelli: Actually, that's Twin #1. I know it's hard to tell them apart. I get them confused quite a bit myself.
Principal Geoffrey: The teacher found a cheat sheet with the answers of the test in his back pack-
Joey Morelli: Wait a minute. The teacher went looting through my son's backpack?
Principal Geoffrey: He has probable cause.
Joey Morelli: What probable cause?
Principal Geoffrey: He had his hood on and his pants were sagging a little.
Joey Morelli: Just because the way he dresses is probable cause? What kind of profiling crap is that. Just because my opponent at Night of Champions, live, only on the XHF Network, looks like a terrorist doesn't mean he is one. I mean imagine what he most go through at the airport.
Principal Geoffrey: You mean that raghead that drives the taxi to the ring?
Joey Morelli: No. That's Raji Khan..Radu Materi is my opponent.
Principal Geoffrey: You say tomato and I say tomatoe..What's the difference.
Joey Morelli: The difference is your teacher came at my son because of how he looked and that doesn't fly with me.
Principal Geoffrey: Look, Joey-
Joey Morelli: Call me Mr. Morelli.
Principal Geoffrey: We not only caught him cheating but he won't cop to it so he's a liar too.
[Joey's voice raises in anger.]
Joey Morelli: You better have evidence to back all this up..calling my son a liar over sagging Levi's.
Principal Geoffrey: I have the cheat sheet right here!
[He throws down a piece of paper with all the answers. Joey picks it up and quickly inspects it.]
Joey Morelli: Only problem Jeffrey, is this isn't even Twin #1's handwriting. I know his handwriting by heart and this isn't even close. Why did your teacher not pick up on that..or you for that matter!
Principal Geoffrey: Call me Principal or Mr. Geoffrey!
Joey Morelli: Jeffrey as in Dahmer or like Geoffrey the huge giraffe used by Toys 'R Us? Since we are going by looks I'd say Dahmer.
Principal Geoffrey: How dare you! Jeffery Dahmer was a sick man-
Joey Morelli: Oh..so you don't like to be called something you aren't by the way you look either, huh? Imagine that.
Principal Geoffrey: I see where he gets his bad attitude from.
Joey Morelli: Actually, you're lucky. My wife would chew you up and spit you out for having our son at this school for three years and his teacher couldn't even tell that's not my son's handwriting. She go savage on you Jethro.
Principal Geoffrey: Why I've never-
Joey Morelli Sporting the pocket protector and the thick Coke bottle trifocals you NEVER will either!
Principal Geoffrey: Please leave sir. Or I'll get security.
Narrator: Joey snatches Geoffrey up by his collar and lifts him in the air. He takes the red stapler out of Geoffrey's pocket and staples the cheat sheet to his forehead.
Joey Morelli: Who in the hell do you think you are?
Narrator: Geoffrey begins to piss his pants. A yellow substance soaks up the front of his white pants. Joey takes a whiff.
Joey Morelli: What's that smell!?
Narrator: Geoffrey squeals then has a funny look on his face.
Principal Geoffrey: Doo doo!
Narrator: Joey looks over and sees Twin #1 is watching closely. Joey realizes sometimes you can't let your temper get the best of you. Joey sets Principal Geoffrey down and fixes his collar for him. Besides having him shit and piss his pants was punishment enough. Twin #1 gets a whiff of Geoffrey's pants and gags as he gets up out of his chair and puts on his backpack.
Joey Morelli: We seem to be done here. Great talking with you-
Principal Geoffrey: He's suspended for the rest of the week. He will however be granted a make up test that's different from the one he just took.
Joey Morelli: Fine. See you next week. Just have your secretary send the dry cleaning bill to the house. It's the least I can do. Twin #1..let's go son.
Narrator: Joey and Twin #1 hustle out. They go to the parking lot and Joey hits the button on his keychain to turn off the alarm to the car. Joey helps Twin #1 into the passengers seat then gets in the driver's seat, pushes the ignition button and drives towards home.
Twin #1: Dad? Why didn't you punch ol' Principal Geoffrey in the face back there?
Joey Morelli: As good as it would have felt..he wasn't worth it.
Twin #1: Gee, Dad...I thought you were going to beat him up bad.
Joey Morelli: Nah. What did he really do wrong besides judge you on your appearance? That kind of thing happens every day. The police make judgement calls every day. But as a country we need to sit down and talk to one another.
Find out who's the behind the hoody before we make snap decisions. It was obviously not your hand writing but all he saw was thug. Remember what I told you..you can't fight people in real life like you see me do on tv.
Twin #1: Like that Radu Matei guy I see on television. He's not really a cab driver..right dad?
Joey Morelli: Um. I think you mean Raji Kahn, and he is actually a real cab driver.
Twin #1: Wow! Two cool jobs at once. A cab driver and a wrestler? Does he own any 7-11's or gas stations?
Joey Morelli: No..see that would be stereotyping. Something all of us need to get away from. Just because he looks a certain way we instantly start thinking he has to be a cab driver or own a convenience store. He's just like everbody..just trying to live the American Dream. Oh..here we go son. We are home.
Narrator: Joey and Twin #1 pull into the driveway of Morelli Compound and out runs the vivacious Candice Morelli wearing a cute little SWAT halter top, matching SWAT women's shorts and Nike Air sandals. She runs over and wraps her arms around Joey then Twin #1.
Candice Morelli: So what happened? I just got back from helping the MaTriX School just opened for Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition and Shrouded Enigma Entertainment students.
Joey Morelli: That principal at that school isn't much of a "pal" at all. He showed me some answers he said they took out of Twin #1's backpack. Funny thing is neither him or the teacher notice it wasn't in his hand writing.
Candice Morelli: So what's you side of the story, Twin #1?
Twin #1: I was walking to class when my mentally challenged friend Ed
Candice Morelli: Very good! I'm proud of you.
Joey Morelli: You probably should have just thrown the answers out or brought it to your teacher right away.
Twin #1: I would have but our teacher Mr. Dubin is a big fat geek and doesn't like the way I dress.
Joey Morelli: Easy with the name calling, son.
Twin #1: But, dad? Uncle Narrator does it all the time and he's cool!
Narrator: Aw..sweet kid. I knew he was always my favorite..but shhhhh. Don't tell Twin #2.
Joey Morelli: Unc Narrator is a grown man, he can do and say as he wishes. You are not. You do as I say.
Twin #1: Okay, dad. But mom you should have seen dad lift Principal Geoffrey up by his shirt collar. It was great.
[Candice glares at Joey.]
Candice Morelli: Oh he did now, did he?
"Wish I could have seen that. That kind of stuff turns me on about Joey. He so damn cute when he's mad that husband of mine.", she thinks to herself.
Twin #1: He did. He made him pee and poop his pants-
Joey Morelli: Ok son. She doesn't need the blow by blow. Go inside and get started on your homework.
Twin #1: But dad...do I have too?
Candice Morelli: No "ifs" "ands" or "buts" about it. Do as your father says. You know better than that. Just like you knew not to cheat.
Twin #1: Because cheaters never prosper. I know, mom, dad already schooled me on that on the way home.
[Twin #1 slaps his dad five then disappears into the house.]
[Candice smiles then shakes her head. She pulls Joey close to her body.]
Candice Morelli: What am I going to do with you? I guess I'll have to give you the "blow by blow", eh?
Joey Morelli: Yousers! I love when you talk Canadian!
Narrator: Both Morelli's laugh and walk into the house holding hands.
[Scene cuts to the shit talk banner and Narrator talking shit.]
Narrator: Even my Client's kid knows the difference between right and wrong, a concept even a grown up asshole such as Radu Matei has yet to conquer. Little, Twin #1, knows that cheating is no way of life. So I ask you Radu..since you wanted this a submission match so bad: what happens if you happen to cheat during the match like you ALWAYS do? Does the title go to my client, Joey Morelli..right there on the spot? It should. You asked for this type of match, and we were quick to take you up on your offer. Shutting you up is almost as good for my client as winning the Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition World Heavyweight Title.
Almost.
I mean what comes along with being the Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition World Heavyweight Champion? First class on the airplane? Joey already gets that but I could see it being an advantage for you, Radu...you already look like a fucking terrorist. Quicker check ins for a guy who looks like you must be a real treat. Be honest..How many times have you set off the homeland security department alarms just trying to get to a venue? That's what I thought.
Your fascination with bugs though creepy..it won't be a problem for my Client, Joey Morelli, because Joey Morelli fears no bug..not even a smug one such as you Radu.
You had a decent run as Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition World Heavyweight Champion..it's a shame you chose yourself on the date and time when you are going to lose it. Because at Night of Champions, live, July 28th on theXHF Network you will lose and you will be beat on your own terms. I'm sure you can live with that. Reality is...even if you can't...nobody is going to lose any sleep if you "disappear". Infact a celebration would probably be given if you decided your own demise..truth hurts..doesn't it Mr. Matei?
You can bellow until you're blue in the face about how my client "needs" to have me speak for him. It doesn't make him..or should I say us, any less affective though, does it Radu? What do you know about "submission wrestling" anyway? Do they even have such a thing where you come from? Or have you dug yourself into one of those little tiny spider holes your kind likes to hide in? We are going to find out aren't we?
Don't you get it Radu? My client, Joey Morelli is a hero, he's the good guy. Spoiler Alert: The good guy always prevails in the end. I know you aren't accustomed to that champ. No..no..no..you are used to the days of Joseph Stalin or the reign of terror from the likes of Lenin, Saddam Hussein, or even Bin Laden himself, aren't you Radu?
Didn't you get the memo? The war against terrorism is over! Yeah, right. That will be the day. Not as long as we got creepy crawlers like Radu Matei around spinning his evil web. His kind will never learn that the good guy always wins. The American hero will never die or be phased out. Hell we have a country of billions believing in saying your prayers, training and eating your spinach is all you need to live the American Dream.
Jealousy. White hot jealousy is what makes this Radu Matei tick. Ticking like a terrorist time bomb but he ticks none the less. It's as much in his DNA as driving a taxi cab or owning a gas station to be honest.
The bugs? I guess we play the role of Billy The Exterminator. Who's that you ask with that stupid fucking smug look on your face? Google it!
Ladies and gentlemen..this one was over before it started. It was over the day Radu Matei decided to name my client as his opponent for Night of Champions. Good luck with that shit...
You're going to need a bigger boat!
Chianti...we won't fuck you in the drive-thru but we will gladly take that World Heavyweight Title off your hands!
As for the Morelli's? What is there left say?
Today was good day!
