Post by SWAT Team on Oct 2, 2019 3:40:42 GMT -5
Jeremy Tucker: Well fans it is once again time for our main event! WAR CRIMES! When we first joined the XHF Network, Radu Matei had a DEATH WISH for our then commissioner Lynn Brewster. One of his earliest appearances saw him lock her in a glass cage filled with thousands of worms. Sadly that stunt occurred right after Brewster beat Jade for the Amazon title. Adding insult to injury to Jade's loss, she was also locked in the cage - and I imagine memories of that night MAY well haunt her for the rest of her life. As our world champion turns over a new leaf, he recognizes the hurt that he has caused her, and is looking to make amends by giving her a world title shot.
Andrew Fulton: Shot? Given the state of The Sacrificial Idol, he's basically handing Jade that belt on a silver platter! No way is he going to be able to defend, he'll be lucky if he can walk to the ring. Even if he was working at one hundred percent, Jade is a tough customer. One of the greatest Amazon champions in the companies history. He wanted to apologize? When the Hired Guns are through with him, it will be less of an apology and more a case of him signing his own death notice.
["Get Their Caps Back" by Ice T pumps over the loud speakers, though is immediately drowned out by boos as Joe Pesci and his personal servant for life, Lynn Brewster make their way out of the back. Joe smiles for the crowd, before taking a seat at the broadcast view. Lynn starts to sit down, when Joe waves her away from the chair.]
Joe Pesci: Chairs are for closers. <back to the booth> You just can't get good help these days.
Jeremy Tucker: Fans, we have been joined by SWAT Owner Pesci and former Amazon champion, Lynn Brewster. Why have you decided to join us this evening, Joe?
Joe Pesci: Considering how well my assistant knows the participants in tonight's title fight, I thought I would have her come out here and impress us all with her detailed knowledge from all those times they beat her. Besides, given everything that Lynn did for the Amazon division, I thought it was only fitting that she have a ringside seat for the first Amazon to win the WORLD TITLE. Empowerment now that she doesn't have anything to do with it.
[Burn.]
Andrew Fulton: Thanks for joining us, Joe, that is VERY thoughtful of you.
[Meanwhile, down in the ring.]
Frank Salazar: Ladies and gentlemen... this is your MAIN EVENT for BATTLEGROUNDS - WAR CRIMES!!!!!!!!!
*MASSIVE POP*
Frank Salazar: Scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit, this is for the SWAT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!
*TITLE FIGHT POP*
Frank Salazar: Entering first... the challenger...
["Street Fight (on the sunset strip)" by Guns N' Roses blasts over the loudspeakers.]
Frank Salazar: Standing at 5 feet 7 inches and weighing in at 150 pounds... she comes to us from Bangkok, Thailand...
JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!!!!
"Street Fight (On the Sunset Strip)" By Guns N' Roses plays and Jade comes to the ring slowly and ominously accompanied by her twin sister Kim. She jumps on the ring apron and does a sunset flip kip up before standing in the center of the ring looking slowly from side to side before slowly and ominously taking off her dark shades and placing them in her trenchcoat and slowly and ominously taking off her trenchcoat glaring as she slowly goes to her corner continuing to glare at the opposite corner and her sister does the samething before giving her advice.
Joe Pesci: This is going to be BEAUTIFUL! This might be the coke talking - but I'm really warming up to the idea of Jade as our WORLD CHAMPION!
[The house lights fade, leaving the arena in darkness.]
#SHAKE IT... like a ladder to the sun#
[Yeah Yeah Yeahs' ZERO starts to pump over the PA system.]
#Makes me feel like a madman on the run#
[The tron starts to show footage of the world champion's recent defences. Black and white. The amount of blood loss makes it look like an old horror film, but it does the trick working the crowd up into a frenzy.]
Frank Salazar: ...and the champion... coming to us from Sibiu, Romania - he stands at six feet two inches and weighs in at two hundred and thirty five pounds! Please put your hands in welcoming...
The Beast of Dixie
The Deathless
UNBREAKABLE M
That Sacrificial Idol
RADUUUUUUU
MATEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#find me never, never far gone...#
#So get your leather, leather...#
#LEATHER ON on on on...#
[The footage then cuts to the backstage, just as the champion throws a powder blue leather jacket over his vintage '86 DOA "To Hell and back" tee. Not the best wrestling attire, but its a better look than the mass of bandages that give him a Mummy vibe. As the music hits his cue, he starts pushing forwards towards the curtains.]
#You're a zerooooooooooooooOOOOOOoo#
#What's your name?#
#No one's gonna ask you#
#Better find out where they want you to GOOOOOOOooooooooo#
#Try and hit the spot#
#Get to know it in the dark#
[Purple spotlights search through the crowd, building a sense of anticipation. The audience cheer for the next participant, as repulsive as he is, he's oddly compelling. The erratic movement of the lights start to circle closer together before eventually, the perfect circles of light connect into the body of a large centipede. The visual representation of the insect stalks over the crowd, before racing towards the entranceway. Hitting the black curtains, the purple lights seem to double up, and fold into themselves.]
#Get to know it whether you're a crime, crime, crime of love#
#Can you climb, climb#
#climb hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigher?#
[Rough hands swatting aside the curtain, the five-time SWAT Dixieland champion pushes his way out into the arena. Clenching his fists, Radu Matei starts to stalk down the aisle in sync with the music. The audience approval seems to make the champion uncomfortable, though he could also be suffering from bruised ribs.]
Jeremy Tucker: During the break we saw that Matei's bodyguard had been taken out by an assailant that I am refusing to name because I consider it tasteless. Unbreakable M still looking visibly upset by the episode.
Joe Pesci: Yeah, that chump who did it isn't even on the payroll. I tell you. Random lunatic beats up Matei's bodyguard for free, and THIS feels like a mob hit, but Jade is just working for the champion's purse, no added cost to take out the garbage. Its like Christmas!
Jeremy Tucker: You have to wonder how that is going to effect Matei's mindset going into this match...
[Arriving at ringside, the champion lifts the ring curtain to check on his bag of tricks. Nothing has escaped. Probably for the best. Leaving the sack next to the ring steps, Matei slowly ascends to the ring. Getting into the middle of the ring, he still seems uncomfortable, but throws a heavily bandaged arm up in the air to a massive pop from the crowd. The Deathless has arrived.]
Jeremy Tucker: Jade giving Matei an icy look - a lot of tension in the ring.
DING!!!
DING!!!!!!
DING!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: There's the bell, and they're off! Jade immediately jumping in, attempting a Muay Thai knee strike to the back of the head - but Radu with his arms up managing to cover up the back of his head.
Andrew Fulton: Those strikes mean business. We've seen this time and again, if Jade hits the right spot, its lights out!
Jeremy Tucker: Another kick catches Matei in the ribs, which are bruised enough that its impossible to no sell the punishment. Matei doubling over, and Jade charging in with another running jumping knee to the head--- NO! Matei catching the leg and THROWING her back into the far corner! The champion showing his superior strength, not that it will last long, and now following in with an AVALANCHE------------Jade side steps it, nothing but corner post. Matei staggering out, and Jade takes him down with THE J STRIKE!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Radu managing to grab a fistful of ropes! So Jade kicks the fist open and CODE RED armbreaker!
Jeremy Tucker: We all know that Matei will pass out before he quits, but it seems like Jade won't mind taking him apart piece by piece. Leaning back on that arm breaker, and Matei somehow turning it into an INSIDE CRADLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Jade let go of the armbreaker to avoid the third count, but Matei is favouring that right arm. The damage is done.
Jeremy Tucker: Matei surprised everyone with his technical skills at Night of Champions, now trying to use them to keep the challenger at bay. He has proved himself nothing if not adaptable.
Joe Pesci: Then why does he keep getting his ass kicked? KNEE TO THE HEAD! That a girl!
Jeremy Tucker: Pulling Radu into a GOURD BUSTER!!!! One... Two... again Radu managing to get the shoulder up. Now setting him up for the Phire Slam!
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Jeremy Tucker: NO! Radu putting the breaks on, and firing off a headbutt! Again! And again! Rapid fire headbutts getting the former Amazon champion to loosen her grip, as builds up for a big one! Here we GO---
*SNAP*
Andrew Fulton: TIGER KICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: THAT NEARLY TOOK MATEI'S HEAD CLEAN OFF! AND THERE IS THE COVER------
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE-------------------------------
Joe Pesci: DID SHE GET IT? I CAN'T WATCH!
Andrew Fulton: Radu got his foot in the ropes.
Joe Pesci: Lucky bastard.
Jeremy Tucker: Those bandages around his face are once again crimson red. Jade looks a little rough for that flurry of headbutts, but still in control and dominating the champion.
Joe Pesci: There's your adaptability! He may have been upping his game over the past few months, but there is one area that is a total blind spot to him. Martial Arts! He doesn't know how to answer Jade's Thai karate moves...
Andrew Fulton: Muay Thai.
Joe Pesci: Whatever - he doesn't have an answer for them! All he can do is take the abuse, and Jade, SHE KNOWS HOW TO HURT A GUY!
Jeremy Tucker: Well as that might be, Radu has---
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Andrew Fulton: D-BLASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: Jade SPLIT Radu's head WIDE OPEN, and there's the hook of the leg...
Andrew Fulton: NEW CHAMPION!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton & Joe Pesci: NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*POP*
Jeremy Tucker: Matei managing to get his shoulder up!
Andrew Fulton: HOW DOES HE DO IT?!
Jeremy Tucker: Jade laying in a few more knees, and now locking on a Koji Clutch. Again, Radu doesn't know how to quit - but Jade will make him wish he had.
Joe Pesci: If anyone can get him to give it up, its her. You know who knows these two best? Lynn here. What do you think?
[Lynn looks at him like she could just strangle him. She stays silent.]
Joe Pesci: Avery give you brain damage earlier? I said what do you think?
Jeremy Tucker (trying desperately to ignore the tense atmosphere of the announce position): Letting go, Jade now dragging Matei up. I think she's going for the TRIPLE THREAT SUPLEX!!!
Joe Pesci: ARE YOU DEAF?
Jeremy Tucker: But Matei putting the breaks on, barely conscious but trying to fight it...
[Lynn squirms, knowing she has to answer. She takes the route of professional.]
Lynn: Both of them are very good competitors. But Radu is in for a fight. Look how long I feuded with Jade and we finally reach the pinnacle of our feud and then he disrespected both of us with that stunt of his that should never been allowed.
[Lynn is looking at Joe as if making a point. Joe glares at her.]
Joe Pesci: You get the laundry done?
Lynn: Yes I did. Done, ironed, folded.
Joe Pesci: Reservations at that Italian place down the street? Yeah.
[Lynn turns back to Jeremy and Andrew.]
Lynn: if Radu thinks this match will be a walk in.....whatever he walks in, he needs to rethink that. Jade has been in my top 5 of competitors. Notice I didn’t say female because she’s been tougher than some of the men I faced.
Joe Pesci: I got to say if you're just a pretty face, you got problems lady.
Jeremy Tucker: Matei dead on his feet, but somehow reversing the waistlock and--------------
Andrew Fulton: SHI*
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*SMASH*
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[Flashbulbs go off throughout the arena as Matei reverses the triple threat suplex attempt into a belly-to-back suplex of his own. Putting all the strength he has into it, Jade clears the top rope - careening out of the ring, into the announce table like a missile.]
[The announce table breaks.]
[While Jeremy and Andrew attempt to pull their headsets out of the debris, Joe tries to peel himself off the guardrail, having been nailed pretty hard. Jade's body almost lows into Lynn Brewster as well.]
[The former commissioner looks down at her rival, who could have suffered a career ending injury in that dangerous spot, then up to Matei's bandaged face. Is that the hint of a smirk?]
[Motherfucker.]
Joe Pesci: *UCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DID THAT ON PURPOSE.
Jeremy Tucker: ...e....I...n't... alright.... I wouldn't be surprised.
Joe Pesci: HE COULD HAVE KILLED ME!
Andrew Fulton: We should have some medical staff out here to check on Jade, she looks knocked right out. That was a NASTY fall.
Joe Pesci: WHAT ABOUT ME? The table touched MY arm. Where are the medics? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SHOW ARE YOU RUNNING HERE?!
[The crowd continue to boo as Tong Fairtex comes out of the back, looking concerned for his wife.]
[Unaware of this new contender is Matei, who continues to share icy looks with Brewster. Eventually Pesci gets pissed that she's blocking his view.]
Joe Pesci: Ok ok ok. That was some REAL insightful commentary, but since we don't have any more working headsets, why don’t you run and make they cleaned up the limo?
[It takes a beat, but Lynn glares at him.]
Joe Pesci: Did you hear me?
[Turning Lynn almost stalks up the ramp.]
Jeremy Tucker: That is Matei's style. Minimal offence, all devastating. Referee Kip Katt has started to administer a ten count for Jade to get back into the ring.
Joe Pesci: AGAIN WITH THIS GUY? WILL HE NEVER LEARN? HEY ASSHOLE! LEARN HOW TO COUNT ON YOUR OWN TIME, OUR TITLE FIGHTS HAVE FINISHES THESE DAYS! NO SELF RESPECTING BOOKIE IS TAKING ODDS ON A COUNT OUT! Knock that shit off before I get in the ring and knock you out!
[Arriving at ringside, Tong checks on his wife, who is slowly coming too, though her orbital bone is starting to swell.]
Jeremy Tucker: The ten count continues....
THREE!
FOUR!!
Andrew Fulton: Wait, with Katt's back to them - here comes Kim into the ring! She has an international object!
*MASSIVE BOOS*
Andrew Fulton: REPEATED STABBING IT INTO RADU'S LOWER RIGHT BACK... going after the kidney. Using it to cut away the medical gauze wrapped around his midsection, exposing the scar tissue for a better shot!
Jeremy Tucker: Turn around Kapp!
Joe Pesci: And have this idiot end a world title match in a DQ? OVER MY DEAD BODY!
*BUMP*
Jeremy Tucker: Seven. The SWAT owner leaving the announce position to argue with the referee, as Kim leaves the ring, the damage done. Matei is starting to spit up blood in the ring, Kim could have given him a career ending injury!
Andrew Fulton: He can add it to the list.
Jeremy Tucker: Tong still checking on his wife, but she is slowly crawling back to the ring. No quit in her! This is for the world title, and she knows how important this could be for her career.
Andrew Fulton: Could be? She gets her ass back in the ring and she's world champ, Matei is DONE.
Jeremy Tucker: Wait, Kim heading over to where Jade is....
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Andrew Fulton: CLASSIC!
Jeremy Tucker: Jade crawling to the other side of the apron, Kip Katt's blind spot. And now her twin sister acting woozy! WAIT, and Pesci is no longer in Katt's face? COME ON! Katt returning to his ten count... eight!
*BUMP*
Joe Pesci: What did I miss?
Jeremy Tucker: The owner of SWAT distracting the referee so the Hired Guns could do the old switcharoo.
Joe Pesci: I know we speak the same language, but I don't understand a word that is coming out of your mouth.
Jeremy Tucker: Kim as Jade pretending to be woozy.
Joe Pesci: WHAT INCREDIBLE FORTITUDE ON THE PART OF JADE TO COME BACK FROM THAT HELLACIOUS BUMP!
Jeremy Tucker: She's taking a breather on the outside!
Andrew Fulton: Slander Jeremy.
Joe Pesci: We have lawyers to cover you Tucker, but you should watch that.
Andrew Fulton: OH MY GOD! THE MOMENT JADE ENTERED THE RING SHE FOUND HER SECOND WIND, LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON, SHE JUST DIVED ONTO RADU FOR THE COVER!
Jeremy Tucker: That is CLEARLY KIM!
Andrew Fulton: ITS CLEARLY THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: Foot on the ropes!
Andrew Fulton: Come on ref, that was a slow count!
Joe Pesci: Where do I find these guys? Oh right, the Y.
Jeremy Tucker: Kim-
Andrew Fulton: JADE.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade with the FINAL WARNING!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE------
Joe Pesci: I swear he's on performance enhancing drugs. That's why the athletic commission is always after him.
Jeremy Tucker: Not you working him to death?
Joe Pesci: You sure do have a negative world view, Tucker. Must be the constant threat of being on the unemployment line. HAHAHAHA! Hear that one Andrew, I implied that I always want to fire this chump.
Andrew Fulton: HAHAHA! Good one Mr. Pesci.
Joe Pesci: You sure did find that funny. ...you think I'm a clown or something.
Jeremy Tucker (trying to keep the focus on the action): Weak elbow strikes from Radu fail to keep FRESH Jade off of him, and she locks on----------
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Jeremy Tucker: The K-CHOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: We can just wait for Matei to pass out. Normally he breaks his own bones to escape, but does he even have any bones worth breaking? Kim - I mean Jade is going to be a GREAT CHAMPION!
[On the outside of the ring, the real Jade finally gets to her feet, still rubbing her neck in agony. Starring across the ring, she exchanges a look with his sister. No words need to be spoken. Kim immediately lets go of the choke, and then knees Radu in the kidney. On cue, he starts coughing up more blood. While the referee checks on the downed champion, the Hired Guns meet on the outside.]
Jeremy Tucker: Kim going to the outside, I don't think Jade would have agreed to this if she hadn't been knocked out by that table. This is her opportunity to be the best, and get revenge, even if her sister was only looking out for her best interests.
Joe Pesci: CRY ME A RIVER, THEY SHOULD BE DOUBLE TEAMING HIM INTO A SHALLOW GRAVE!
Andrew Fulton: The Jade who might have a concussion reentering the ring while the referee is completely oblivious to the switch. Going to pick up the champion- damn it.
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Jeremy Tucker: RADU GRABS THE LEGS - CMW SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLDING ON FOR THE COVER...
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE-----------------
Andrew Fulton: BIG KICKOUT! The crowd is liking the signs of life from the Sacrificial Idol, but I don't think Radu is doing himself any favours. Jade answering Matei with a series of Mauy Thai strikes - he can barely lift his arms to cover up! YOU'VE GOT THIS JADE!
Jeremy Tucker: BANGKOK BOMB CONNECTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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*MASSIVE POP*
Andrew Fulton: Matei is a monster.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade calling for the Pain Killer - and there is no getting up from this.
Joe Pesci: THIS IS THE BEST PART!
Jeremy Tucker: JADE GETS HIM UP - PAIN KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLER
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Jeremy Tucker: REVERSED INTO THE OMUKADE CRUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RADU LANDS ON TOP, CAN BARELY HOOK THE LEG...
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: YAY KIM!
Jeremy Tucker: Kim on the outside yanked Matei's leg to break the pin, how is the referee missing this?
Joe Pesci: A professional of Kip Katt's quality? How dare you besmirch his good name. We've warned you about that Tucker.
*BUMP*
Jeremy Tucker: Andrew Fulton has lent his headset to Jade's husband. Tong, you have to be impressed with how dominant your wife has been in these proceedings.
Tong Fairtex: "Look at that piece of shit in the ring! Look at Ragu's pathetic condition! Is that a champion you can be proud of! Is it! Well I'll be glad to show you what a real champion is and why Ragu should be exterminated once and for all!"
*BUMP*
Jeremy Tucker: The world tag team champion at ringside is seething. You can tell he wants to get in the ring and rearrange Matei's face for that worm stunt. He can barely contain his rage. Did you really have to give him your headset?
Andrew Fulton: I wasn't going to say no. He's scary.
Joe Pesci: You should learn how to share Tucker. Tong is one of the KGB's best and brightest. We own this federation, so technically, he's lending you his headset.
Jeremy Tucker: Matei trying to go for the creep crawl, but can barely lift the challenger. At this point his only hope is running out the clock.
Andrew Fulton: Jade shrugging off his forearm strikes, again laying in the knee shots, going after that injured kidney and exposed ribs.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade shooting in for a chokeslam from hell----
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Jeremy Tucker: BUT MATEI TURNS IT INTO THE SCORPION CLAW!!!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Kim on the apron looking to see if her sister is ok, and Kip Katt quick to reassure her everything is alright. That's a relief!
Jeremy Tucker: FOCUS ON THE PIN! Matei now trying to follow up with a Centipede Lock----
*BOO*
Jeremy Tucker: BUT JADE REVERSES IT INTO A BANGKOK DRIVER!!!! Not going for the pin, instead keeping him down with a Phire Slam!!!!!
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Again Matei barely kicking out.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade calling for the Debt Collector! Radu feels he is in her debt, so this would be a very fitting finish!
Joe Pesci: The KGB is looking forwards to adding the world title to our collection.
Jeremy Tucker: Here comes Jade...
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Andrew Fulton: HA! Matei trying to kick off her hotshot attempts with the Aculeus Strike - a little too late for that.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade knocks out the fight with another brutal knee strike, but deciding to pick him up for a Bubbaslam to take the last of the fight out of him.
Andrew Fulton: Matei reversing it into a waistlock - Jade firing off elbows that are FRANKLY finishers of their own. Matei trying that suplex spot again, but he has nothing left.
Joe Pesci: JADE WILL HAVE HER REVENGE!
Jeremy Tucker: An elbow shot breaks the waistlock, but Matei is quick to turn it into a sleeper. He's hugging to avoid those brutal strikes.
Andrew Fulton: SLEEPER? HA! He can barely cross his arms.
Jeremy Tucker: It doesn't look like that's going to slow down the former Amazon champ...
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Joe Pesci: FUCK!
Andrew Fulton: NO!
Jeremy Tucker: BED BUGS BITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[From the weak sleeper, Matei just drops down, dragging Jade awkwardly with him for a brutal impact.]
Joe Pesci: HOW IS THAT LEGAL!?
Jeremy Tucker: Jade is unconscious, and Kim is once again up on the apron...
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Jeremy Tucker: MATEI JUMPING INTO KIM WITH A OMUKADE PRESS! KNOCKING KIM OFF THE APRON WITH THAT JUMPING STOMP!!!!!!! AND MATEI JUST FELL BACK ON TOP OF JADE...
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Tong starts to charge towards the ring.]
THREE???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DING!
DING!!!!!!!!!
DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Pesci: I'm starting to lose interest in wrestling.
Jeremy Tucker: HE DID IT! HE'S HALF DEAD, BUT RADU MATEI SOMEHOW MANAGED TO DEFEND AGAINST A WOMAN WHO IS LARGELY CONSIDERED ONE OF THE BEST AMAZONS OF ALL TIME!!!
Andrew Fulton: Tong hitting the ring, well, mostly hitting Radu. Tong Fairtex is just beating Radu mercilessly!
Jeremy Tucker: Officials streaming out of the back, security leaving the audience to hit the ring. Tong looks like he's going to kill Matei!
Andrew Fulton: Without Oxanna here, Matei was a sitting duck! And after the way he treated Jade, YEAH, Tong is going to murder him!
Jeremy Tucker: IT WAS A TITLE DEFENCE!
[Kim pulls Jade away form the battle, checking on her, while in the centre of the ring, Tong Fairtex bloodies his knuckles pummelling the world champion.]
Jeremy Tucker: Tong... pulling out a can of... is that...
Joe Pesci: What do you do with roaches! You poison them!
Jeremy Tucker: Tong EMPTYING a can of RAID onto the unconscious Radu, and the audience are throwing trash at the ring! Just when you think Tong couldn't be any more hated, he finds a way! Radu is too unconscious to even register those toxic chemicals, but he's breathing them in!
[Security finally gets between the two, a dozen men finally getting Tong off of the champion.]
Joe Pesci (grabbing a microphone so everyone can hear): SO THERE IS A NEW RAMBO MOVIE IN THEATRES... Now THAT was a tough guy. Remember Rambo III at the start where they are in Thailand fighting each other with glass taped to their fists? Congratulations on pissing off Tong, Radu! ON THE NEXT BATTLEGROUNDS, you're going to defend your title against him in a THAI DEATH MATCH!!!!!
*HUGE MIXED REACTION POP*
[The audience continue to throw trash at Pesci and Tong. The camera then cuts to the ring, where Tong Fairtex has climbed the corner to emerge from the sea of officials in the ring, gesturing for another title belt around his waist before turning to the world champion with hatred burning in his eyes.]
Andrew Fulton: Shot? Given the state of The Sacrificial Idol, he's basically handing Jade that belt on a silver platter! No way is he going to be able to defend, he'll be lucky if he can walk to the ring. Even if he was working at one hundred percent, Jade is a tough customer. One of the greatest Amazon champions in the companies history. He wanted to apologize? When the Hired Guns are through with him, it will be less of an apology and more a case of him signing his own death notice.
["Get Their Caps Back" by Ice T pumps over the loud speakers, though is immediately drowned out by boos as Joe Pesci and his personal servant for life, Lynn Brewster make their way out of the back. Joe smiles for the crowd, before taking a seat at the broadcast view. Lynn starts to sit down, when Joe waves her away from the chair.]
Joe Pesci: Chairs are for closers. <back to the booth> You just can't get good help these days.
Jeremy Tucker: Fans, we have been joined by SWAT Owner Pesci and former Amazon champion, Lynn Brewster. Why have you decided to join us this evening, Joe?
Joe Pesci: Considering how well my assistant knows the participants in tonight's title fight, I thought I would have her come out here and impress us all with her detailed knowledge from all those times they beat her. Besides, given everything that Lynn did for the Amazon division, I thought it was only fitting that she have a ringside seat for the first Amazon to win the WORLD TITLE. Empowerment now that she doesn't have anything to do with it.
[Burn.]
Andrew Fulton: Thanks for joining us, Joe, that is VERY thoughtful of you.
[Meanwhile, down in the ring.]
Frank Salazar: Ladies and gentlemen... this is your MAIN EVENT for BATTLEGROUNDS - WAR CRIMES!!!!!!!!!
*MASSIVE POP*
Frank Salazar: Scheduled for one fall with a thirty minute time limit, this is for the SWAT HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!
*TITLE FIGHT POP*
Frank Salazar: Entering first... the challenger...
["Street Fight (on the sunset strip)" by Guns N' Roses blasts over the loudspeakers.]
Frank Salazar: Standing at 5 feet 7 inches and weighing in at 150 pounds... she comes to us from Bangkok, Thailand...
JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!!!!
"Street Fight (On the Sunset Strip)" By Guns N' Roses plays and Jade comes to the ring slowly and ominously accompanied by her twin sister Kim. She jumps on the ring apron and does a sunset flip kip up before standing in the center of the ring looking slowly from side to side before slowly and ominously taking off her dark shades and placing them in her trenchcoat and slowly and ominously taking off her trenchcoat glaring as she slowly goes to her corner continuing to glare at the opposite corner and her sister does the samething before giving her advice.
Joe Pesci: This is going to be BEAUTIFUL! This might be the coke talking - but I'm really warming up to the idea of Jade as our WORLD CHAMPION!
[The house lights fade, leaving the arena in darkness.]
#SHAKE IT... like a ladder to the sun#
[Yeah Yeah Yeahs' ZERO starts to pump over the PA system.]
#Makes me feel like a madman on the run#
[The tron starts to show footage of the world champion's recent defences. Black and white. The amount of blood loss makes it look like an old horror film, but it does the trick working the crowd up into a frenzy.]
Frank Salazar: ...and the champion... coming to us from Sibiu, Romania - he stands at six feet two inches and weighs in at two hundred and thirty five pounds! Please put your hands in welcoming...
The Beast of Dixie
The Deathless
UNBREAKABLE M
That Sacrificial Idol
RADUUUUUUU
MATEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#find me never, never far gone...#
#So get your leather, leather...#
#LEATHER ON on on on...#
[The footage then cuts to the backstage, just as the champion throws a powder blue leather jacket over his vintage '86 DOA "To Hell and back" tee. Not the best wrestling attire, but its a better look than the mass of bandages that give him a Mummy vibe. As the music hits his cue, he starts pushing forwards towards the curtains.]
#You're a zerooooooooooooooOOOOOOoo#
#What's your name?#
#No one's gonna ask you#
#Better find out where they want you to GOOOOOOOooooooooo#
#Try and hit the spot#
#Get to know it in the dark#
[Purple spotlights search through the crowd, building a sense of anticipation. The audience cheer for the next participant, as repulsive as he is, he's oddly compelling. The erratic movement of the lights start to circle closer together before eventually, the perfect circles of light connect into the body of a large centipede. The visual representation of the insect stalks over the crowd, before racing towards the entranceway. Hitting the black curtains, the purple lights seem to double up, and fold into themselves.]
#Get to know it whether you're a crime, crime, crime of love#
#Can you climb, climb#
#climb hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigher?#
[Rough hands swatting aside the curtain, the five-time SWAT Dixieland champion pushes his way out into the arena. Clenching his fists, Radu Matei starts to stalk down the aisle in sync with the music. The audience approval seems to make the champion uncomfortable, though he could also be suffering from bruised ribs.]
Jeremy Tucker: During the break we saw that Matei's bodyguard had been taken out by an assailant that I am refusing to name because I consider it tasteless. Unbreakable M still looking visibly upset by the episode.
Joe Pesci: Yeah, that chump who did it isn't even on the payroll. I tell you. Random lunatic beats up Matei's bodyguard for free, and THIS feels like a mob hit, but Jade is just working for the champion's purse, no added cost to take out the garbage. Its like Christmas!
Jeremy Tucker: You have to wonder how that is going to effect Matei's mindset going into this match...
[Arriving at ringside, the champion lifts the ring curtain to check on his bag of tricks. Nothing has escaped. Probably for the best. Leaving the sack next to the ring steps, Matei slowly ascends to the ring. Getting into the middle of the ring, he still seems uncomfortable, but throws a heavily bandaged arm up in the air to a massive pop from the crowd. The Deathless has arrived.]
Jeremy Tucker: Jade giving Matei an icy look - a lot of tension in the ring.
DING!!!
DING!!!!!!
DING!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: There's the bell, and they're off! Jade immediately jumping in, attempting a Muay Thai knee strike to the back of the head - but Radu with his arms up managing to cover up the back of his head.
Andrew Fulton: Those strikes mean business. We've seen this time and again, if Jade hits the right spot, its lights out!
Jeremy Tucker: Another kick catches Matei in the ribs, which are bruised enough that its impossible to no sell the punishment. Matei doubling over, and Jade charging in with another running jumping knee to the head--- NO! Matei catching the leg and THROWING her back into the far corner! The champion showing his superior strength, not that it will last long, and now following in with an AVALANCHE------------Jade side steps it, nothing but corner post. Matei staggering out, and Jade takes him down with THE J STRIKE!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Radu managing to grab a fistful of ropes! So Jade kicks the fist open and CODE RED armbreaker!
Jeremy Tucker: We all know that Matei will pass out before he quits, but it seems like Jade won't mind taking him apart piece by piece. Leaning back on that arm breaker, and Matei somehow turning it into an INSIDE CRADLE!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Jade let go of the armbreaker to avoid the third count, but Matei is favouring that right arm. The damage is done.
Jeremy Tucker: Matei surprised everyone with his technical skills at Night of Champions, now trying to use them to keep the challenger at bay. He has proved himself nothing if not adaptable.
Joe Pesci: Then why does he keep getting his ass kicked? KNEE TO THE HEAD! That a girl!
Jeremy Tucker: Pulling Radu into a GOURD BUSTER!!!! One... Two... again Radu managing to get the shoulder up. Now setting him up for the Phire Slam!
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Jeremy Tucker: NO! Radu putting the breaks on, and firing off a headbutt! Again! And again! Rapid fire headbutts getting the former Amazon champion to loosen her grip, as builds up for a big one! Here we GO---
*SNAP*
Andrew Fulton: TIGER KICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: THAT NEARLY TOOK MATEI'S HEAD CLEAN OFF! AND THERE IS THE COVER------
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE-------------------------------
Joe Pesci: DID SHE GET IT? I CAN'T WATCH!
Andrew Fulton: Radu got his foot in the ropes.
Joe Pesci: Lucky bastard.
Jeremy Tucker: Those bandages around his face are once again crimson red. Jade looks a little rough for that flurry of headbutts, but still in control and dominating the champion.
Joe Pesci: There's your adaptability! He may have been upping his game over the past few months, but there is one area that is a total blind spot to him. Martial Arts! He doesn't know how to answer Jade's Thai karate moves...
Andrew Fulton: Muay Thai.
Joe Pesci: Whatever - he doesn't have an answer for them! All he can do is take the abuse, and Jade, SHE KNOWS HOW TO HURT A GUY!
Jeremy Tucker: Well as that might be, Radu has---
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Andrew Fulton: D-BLASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: Jade SPLIT Radu's head WIDE OPEN, and there's the hook of the leg...
Andrew Fulton: NEW CHAMPION!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton & Joe Pesci: NEW CHAMPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*POP*
Jeremy Tucker: Matei managing to get his shoulder up!
Andrew Fulton: HOW DOES HE DO IT?!
Jeremy Tucker: Jade laying in a few more knees, and now locking on a Koji Clutch. Again, Radu doesn't know how to quit - but Jade will make him wish he had.
Joe Pesci: If anyone can get him to give it up, its her. You know who knows these two best? Lynn here. What do you think?
[Lynn looks at him like she could just strangle him. She stays silent.]
Joe Pesci: Avery give you brain damage earlier? I said what do you think?
Jeremy Tucker (trying desperately to ignore the tense atmosphere of the announce position): Letting go, Jade now dragging Matei up. I think she's going for the TRIPLE THREAT SUPLEX!!!
Joe Pesci: ARE YOU DEAF?
Jeremy Tucker: But Matei putting the breaks on, barely conscious but trying to fight it...
[Lynn squirms, knowing she has to answer. She takes the route of professional.]
Lynn: Both of them are very good competitors. But Radu is in for a fight. Look how long I feuded with Jade and we finally reach the pinnacle of our feud and then he disrespected both of us with that stunt of his that should never been allowed.
[Lynn is looking at Joe as if making a point. Joe glares at her.]
Joe Pesci: You get the laundry done?
Lynn: Yes I did. Done, ironed, folded.
Joe Pesci: Reservations at that Italian place down the street? Yeah.
[Lynn turns back to Jeremy and Andrew.]
Lynn: if Radu thinks this match will be a walk in.....whatever he walks in, he needs to rethink that. Jade has been in my top 5 of competitors. Notice I didn’t say female because she’s been tougher than some of the men I faced.
Joe Pesci: I got to say if you're just a pretty face, you got problems lady.
Jeremy Tucker: Matei dead on his feet, but somehow reversing the waistlock and--------------
Andrew Fulton: SHI*
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
*SMASH*
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
[Flashbulbs go off throughout the arena as Matei reverses the triple threat suplex attempt into a belly-to-back suplex of his own. Putting all the strength he has into it, Jade clears the top rope - careening out of the ring, into the announce table like a missile.]
[The announce table breaks.]
[While Jeremy and Andrew attempt to pull their headsets out of the debris, Joe tries to peel himself off the guardrail, having been nailed pretty hard. Jade's body almost lows into Lynn Brewster as well.]
[The former commissioner looks down at her rival, who could have suffered a career ending injury in that dangerous spot, then up to Matei's bandaged face. Is that the hint of a smirk?]
[Motherfucker.]
Joe Pesci: *UCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DID THAT ON PURPOSE.
Jeremy Tucker: ...e....I...n't... alright.... I wouldn't be surprised.
Joe Pesci: HE COULD HAVE KILLED ME!
Andrew Fulton: We should have some medical staff out here to check on Jade, she looks knocked right out. That was a NASTY fall.
Joe Pesci: WHAT ABOUT ME? The table touched MY arm. Where are the medics? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF SHOW ARE YOU RUNNING HERE?!
[The crowd continue to boo as Tong Fairtex comes out of the back, looking concerned for his wife.]
[Unaware of this new contender is Matei, who continues to share icy looks with Brewster. Eventually Pesci gets pissed that she's blocking his view.]
Joe Pesci: Ok ok ok. That was some REAL insightful commentary, but since we don't have any more working headsets, why don’t you run and make they cleaned up the limo?
[It takes a beat, but Lynn glares at him.]
Joe Pesci: Did you hear me?
[Turning Lynn almost stalks up the ramp.]
Jeremy Tucker: That is Matei's style. Minimal offence, all devastating. Referee Kip Katt has started to administer a ten count for Jade to get back into the ring.
Joe Pesci: AGAIN WITH THIS GUY? WILL HE NEVER LEARN? HEY ASSHOLE! LEARN HOW TO COUNT ON YOUR OWN TIME, OUR TITLE FIGHTS HAVE FINISHES THESE DAYS! NO SELF RESPECTING BOOKIE IS TAKING ODDS ON A COUNT OUT! Knock that shit off before I get in the ring and knock you out!
[Arriving at ringside, Tong checks on his wife, who is slowly coming too, though her orbital bone is starting to swell.]
Jeremy Tucker: The ten count continues....
THREE!
FOUR!!
Andrew Fulton: Wait, with Katt's back to them - here comes Kim into the ring! She has an international object!
*MASSIVE BOOS*
Andrew Fulton: REPEATED STABBING IT INTO RADU'S LOWER RIGHT BACK... going after the kidney. Using it to cut away the medical gauze wrapped around his midsection, exposing the scar tissue for a better shot!
Jeremy Tucker: Turn around Kapp!
Joe Pesci: And have this idiot end a world title match in a DQ? OVER MY DEAD BODY!
*BUMP*
Jeremy Tucker: Seven. The SWAT owner leaving the announce position to argue with the referee, as Kim leaves the ring, the damage done. Matei is starting to spit up blood in the ring, Kim could have given him a career ending injury!
Andrew Fulton: He can add it to the list.
Jeremy Tucker: Tong still checking on his wife, but she is slowly crawling back to the ring. No quit in her! This is for the world title, and she knows how important this could be for her career.
Andrew Fulton: Could be? She gets her ass back in the ring and she's world champ, Matei is DONE.
Jeremy Tucker: Wait, Kim heading over to where Jade is....
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Andrew Fulton: CLASSIC!
Jeremy Tucker: Jade crawling to the other side of the apron, Kip Katt's blind spot. And now her twin sister acting woozy! WAIT, and Pesci is no longer in Katt's face? COME ON! Katt returning to his ten count... eight!
*BUMP*
Joe Pesci: What did I miss?
Jeremy Tucker: The owner of SWAT distracting the referee so the Hired Guns could do the old switcharoo.
Joe Pesci: I know we speak the same language, but I don't understand a word that is coming out of your mouth.
Jeremy Tucker: Kim as Jade pretending to be woozy.
Joe Pesci: WHAT INCREDIBLE FORTITUDE ON THE PART OF JADE TO COME BACK FROM THAT HELLACIOUS BUMP!
Jeremy Tucker: She's taking a breather on the outside!
Andrew Fulton: Slander Jeremy.
Joe Pesci: We have lawyers to cover you Tucker, but you should watch that.
Andrew Fulton: OH MY GOD! THE MOMENT JADE ENTERED THE RING SHE FOUND HER SECOND WIND, LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON, SHE JUST DIVED ONTO RADU FOR THE COVER!
Jeremy Tucker: That is CLEARLY KIM!
Andrew Fulton: ITS CLEARLY THE NEW WORLD CHAMPION!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jeremy Tucker: Foot on the ropes!
Andrew Fulton: Come on ref, that was a slow count!
Joe Pesci: Where do I find these guys? Oh right, the Y.
Jeremy Tucker: Kim-
Andrew Fulton: JADE.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade with the FINAL WARNING!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE------
Joe Pesci: I swear he's on performance enhancing drugs. That's why the athletic commission is always after him.
Jeremy Tucker: Not you working him to death?
Joe Pesci: You sure do have a negative world view, Tucker. Must be the constant threat of being on the unemployment line. HAHAHAHA! Hear that one Andrew, I implied that I always want to fire this chump.
Andrew Fulton: HAHAHA! Good one Mr. Pesci.
Joe Pesci: You sure did find that funny. ...you think I'm a clown or something.
Jeremy Tucker (trying to keep the focus on the action): Weak elbow strikes from Radu fail to keep FRESH Jade off of him, and she locks on----------
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Jeremy Tucker: The K-CHOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: We can just wait for Matei to pass out. Normally he breaks his own bones to escape, but does he even have any bones worth breaking? Kim - I mean Jade is going to be a GREAT CHAMPION!
[On the outside of the ring, the real Jade finally gets to her feet, still rubbing her neck in agony. Starring across the ring, she exchanges a look with his sister. No words need to be spoken. Kim immediately lets go of the choke, and then knees Radu in the kidney. On cue, he starts coughing up more blood. While the referee checks on the downed champion, the Hired Guns meet on the outside.]
Jeremy Tucker: Kim going to the outside, I don't think Jade would have agreed to this if she hadn't been knocked out by that table. This is her opportunity to be the best, and get revenge, even if her sister was only looking out for her best interests.
Joe Pesci: CRY ME A RIVER, THEY SHOULD BE DOUBLE TEAMING HIM INTO A SHALLOW GRAVE!
Andrew Fulton: The Jade who might have a concussion reentering the ring while the referee is completely oblivious to the switch. Going to pick up the champion- damn it.
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Jeremy Tucker: RADU GRABS THE LEGS - CMW SPECIAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLDING ON FOR THE COVER...
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE-----------------
Andrew Fulton: BIG KICKOUT! The crowd is liking the signs of life from the Sacrificial Idol, but I don't think Radu is doing himself any favours. Jade answering Matei with a series of Mauy Thai strikes - he can barely lift his arms to cover up! YOU'VE GOT THIS JADE!
Jeremy Tucker: BANGKOK BOMB CONNECTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
*MASSIVE POP*
Andrew Fulton: Matei is a monster.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade calling for the Pain Killer - and there is no getting up from this.
Joe Pesci: THIS IS THE BEST PART!
Jeremy Tucker: JADE GETS HIM UP - PAIN KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLER
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Jeremy Tucker: REVERSED INTO THE OMUKADE CRUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RADU LANDS ON TOP, CAN BARELY HOOK THE LEG...
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: YAY KIM!
Jeremy Tucker: Kim on the outside yanked Matei's leg to break the pin, how is the referee missing this?
Joe Pesci: A professional of Kip Katt's quality? How dare you besmirch his good name. We've warned you about that Tucker.
*BUMP*
Jeremy Tucker: Andrew Fulton has lent his headset to Jade's husband. Tong, you have to be impressed with how dominant your wife has been in these proceedings.
Tong Fairtex: "Look at that piece of shit in the ring! Look at Ragu's pathetic condition! Is that a champion you can be proud of! Is it! Well I'll be glad to show you what a real champion is and why Ragu should be exterminated once and for all!"
*BUMP*
Jeremy Tucker: The world tag team champion at ringside is seething. You can tell he wants to get in the ring and rearrange Matei's face for that worm stunt. He can barely contain his rage. Did you really have to give him your headset?
Andrew Fulton: I wasn't going to say no. He's scary.
Joe Pesci: You should learn how to share Tucker. Tong is one of the KGB's best and brightest. We own this federation, so technically, he's lending you his headset.
Jeremy Tucker: Matei trying to go for the creep crawl, but can barely lift the challenger. At this point his only hope is running out the clock.
Andrew Fulton: Jade shrugging off his forearm strikes, again laying in the knee shots, going after that injured kidney and exposed ribs.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade shooting in for a chokeslam from hell----
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Jeremy Tucker: BUT MATEI TURNS IT INTO THE SCORPION CLAW!!!!!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Kim on the apron looking to see if her sister is ok, and Kip Katt quick to reassure her everything is alright. That's a relief!
Jeremy Tucker: FOCUS ON THE PIN! Matei now trying to follow up with a Centipede Lock----
*BOO*
Jeremy Tucker: BUT JADE REVERSES IT INTO A BANGKOK DRIVER!!!! Not going for the pin, instead keeping him down with a Phire Slam!!!!!
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrew Fulton: Again Matei barely kicking out.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade calling for the Debt Collector! Radu feels he is in her debt, so this would be a very fitting finish!
Joe Pesci: The KGB is looking forwards to adding the world title to our collection.
Jeremy Tucker: Here comes Jade...
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Andrew Fulton: HA! Matei trying to kick off her hotshot attempts with the Aculeus Strike - a little too late for that.
Jeremy Tucker: Jade knocks out the fight with another brutal knee strike, but deciding to pick him up for a Bubbaslam to take the last of the fight out of him.
Andrew Fulton: Matei reversing it into a waistlock - Jade firing off elbows that are FRANKLY finishers of their own. Matei trying that suplex spot again, but he has nothing left.
Joe Pesci: JADE WILL HAVE HER REVENGE!
Jeremy Tucker: An elbow shot breaks the waistlock, but Matei is quick to turn it into a sleeper. He's hugging to avoid those brutal strikes.
Andrew Fulton: SLEEPER? HA! He can barely cross his arms.
Jeremy Tucker: It doesn't look like that's going to slow down the former Amazon champ...
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Joe Pesci: FUCK!
Andrew Fulton: NO!
Jeremy Tucker: BED BUGS BITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[From the weak sleeper, Matei just drops down, dragging Jade awkwardly with him for a brutal impact.]
Joe Pesci: HOW IS THAT LEGAL!?
Jeremy Tucker: Jade is unconscious, and Kim is once again up on the apron...
! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Jeremy Tucker: MATEI JUMPING INTO KIM WITH A OMUKADE PRESS! KNOCKING KIM OFF THE APRON WITH THAT JUMPING STOMP!!!!!!! AND MATEI JUST FELL BACK ON TOP OF JADE...
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Tong starts to charge towards the ring.]
THREE???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DING!
DING!!!!!!!!!
DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joe Pesci: I'm starting to lose interest in wrestling.
Jeremy Tucker: HE DID IT! HE'S HALF DEAD, BUT RADU MATEI SOMEHOW MANAGED TO DEFEND AGAINST A WOMAN WHO IS LARGELY CONSIDERED ONE OF THE BEST AMAZONS OF ALL TIME!!!
Andrew Fulton: Tong hitting the ring, well, mostly hitting Radu. Tong Fairtex is just beating Radu mercilessly!
Jeremy Tucker: Officials streaming out of the back, security leaving the audience to hit the ring. Tong looks like he's going to kill Matei!
Andrew Fulton: Without Oxanna here, Matei was a sitting duck! And after the way he treated Jade, YEAH, Tong is going to murder him!
Jeremy Tucker: IT WAS A TITLE DEFENCE!
[Kim pulls Jade away form the battle, checking on her, while in the centre of the ring, Tong Fairtex bloodies his knuckles pummelling the world champion.]
Jeremy Tucker: Tong... pulling out a can of... is that...
Joe Pesci: What do you do with roaches! You poison them!
Jeremy Tucker: Tong EMPTYING a can of RAID onto the unconscious Radu, and the audience are throwing trash at the ring! Just when you think Tong couldn't be any more hated, he finds a way! Radu is too unconscious to even register those toxic chemicals, but he's breathing them in!
[Security finally gets between the two, a dozen men finally getting Tong off of the champion.]
Joe Pesci (grabbing a microphone so everyone can hear): SO THERE IS A NEW RAMBO MOVIE IN THEATRES... Now THAT was a tough guy. Remember Rambo III at the start where they are in Thailand fighting each other with glass taped to their fists? Congratulations on pissing off Tong, Radu! ON THE NEXT BATTLEGROUNDS, you're going to defend your title against him in a THAI DEATH MATCH!!!!!
*HUGE MIXED REACTION POP*
[The audience continue to throw trash at Pesci and Tong. The camera then cuts to the ring, where Tong Fairtex has climbed the corner to emerge from the sea of officials in the ring, gesturing for another title belt around his waist before turning to the world champion with hatred burning in his eyes.]
