S2 EP4 - "ACW Memorial Supershow" 1/31/18
Oct 11, 2019 3:02:29 GMT -5
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Post by radu on Oct 11, 2019 3:02:29 GMT -5
SWAT No Man's Land Vol. 4
ACW MEMORIAL SUPERSHOW
I have been SO PSYCHED to watch this year's No Man's Land! I know that Attila Balan is taking that rumble! ...At least I hope so... when I ordered the PPV, DirecTV ended up giving me the ACW Memorial Supershow instead. I cancelled and called them back. 4 times in a row, desperately trying to order No Man's Land. I live in Canada, so the only way I'd get to see the Australian show is PPV, and its not like they release them on DVDs. After my fifth time trying to rectify their mistake, I started drinking. Fuck it. We're watching the ACW Memorial Supershow.
Winner gets to wear the LEFT Tentacle Costume at the Other No Man's Land PPV
LEFT Tentacle vs. Brutalicus The Ripper
...REALLY? You're HYPING THE SHOW I WANT TO SEE ON THE SHOW YOU'RE FORCING ME TO WATCH! God damn it. The only person more angry about the situation than me is LEFT Tentacle, who breaks a wine bottle over Ripper's head and stabs him REPEATEDLY in the throat, covering the audience with gore. The referee starts to call for a DQ, but realizing that Brutalicus is of no use to Viper on the other show, the announcer declares it a KO.
Winner: "The Appendage Assassin" LEFT Tentacle
Rating: N/A
Post-Match: EMTs rush Brutalicus out on a stretcher, while the audience actually cheer Tentacle on. The boys don't look as happy. I've heard he's heading over to the new West Coast region. Good for him.
Backyard's champion, Sirius Man comes out, still sporting tape around his bruised ribs from his last title defence. Grabbing a microphone, Sirius says that he's sick of running and is not afraid of Astaroth, the championship belongs to the best man, and if that is Astaroth there is no shame in defeat. Astaroth then comes out in a different Soul Calibur III outfit... he does not look happy. The IGA tag specialist looks even less happy at the video game gimmick when a PA brings out a giant cardboard axe prop that he forgot backstage.
SWAT Ultimate Title
Falls Count Anywhere
Sirius Man <c> vs. ASTAROTH
The PA eats a neckbreaker into the guardrail, busting his nose wide open. Some of the fans that are sick enough to have acutally come to the show on purpose immediate crowd the guardrails offering ASTAROTH weapons. Snatching some spools of barbwire from one, ASTAROTH uses them to tie a razor sharp jagged piece of metal to his prop axe. ...That is enough to make Sirius question his new found spine, as the champion bails. Other than Tentacle, Sirius is the only likeable member of SWAT Backyard - so booking him as this cowardly loser? Fuck Vile. On the other hand, ASTAROTH is scary as hell --- with audience members fleeing in terror as the international star chases Sirius into the crowd... of course they don't actually have cameras to follow the action.
Collateral Damage
BRUNO vs. Olmec Captain Nemo
A video highlight reel before the match sees KGB's BRUNO taking it on himself to thin the SWAT B roster prior to the big New Year's Evil street brawl; involved in a Backyard show where he violently attacked AZTEC Dracula and Nemo by proxy. The match sees BRUNO using a lot of his big man power moves, while the awkward submarine wrapped around NEMO makes the more high impact moves near impossible. Members of Team HOMAGE including one of the TREEs, Frankenberry, Good Guy Doll, and Sadako come out of the back to watch. An axe bomber almost gets the three count for BRUNO. Ducking under a closeline, Olmec Captain Nemo hits a series of splashes which assisted by the sub almost collapse Bruno's ribcage. This gets a near fall. Powering out, Bruno hits a Jackknife Powerbomb, but just before the referee can count 3--- Sadako uses her TELEKENETIC powers to make the referee slap him. Going to the ropes, Bruno starts to curse out Team Homage, where Olmec catches him from behind with a Old World Shuffle... but at the two count realizes that the referee is counting fast, and breaks the pin... admonishing the little girl form the RING for interfering. When he returns back to the match he walks right into a POWERSLAM, and all the mental manipulation can't stop the three count.
WINNER: Bruno
Rating: **
Post-Match: TEAM Homage hit the ring and put the boots to Bruno... but he powers out of it. Lifting TREE up, he manages to gorilla press him out to the floor. Frankenberry then gets GORILLA pressed out to the 3rd wall. Snatching the Good Guy doll by the throat, BRUNO asks the crowd how far he can press him - the general consensus is the 20th row... so imagine how impressed they are when he gets 21. Lastly is Sadako - but BRUNO only sends the little girl flying out to the 10th. What a gentlemen. While distracted by the gorilla press contest, AZTEC Dracula slides into the ring and sinking a pair of golden vampire fangs into Bruno's throat. The ring is COVERED in blood. Before AZTEC Dracula can finish the KGB Enforcer off, Olmec Captain Nemo comes to the invaders aid - knocking Drac out of the ring with his sub. NEMO & BRUNO stand triumphant to the applause of the crowd.
Backstage, LEFT Tentacle is packing his bags to go to the REAL No Man's Land when Sirius Man is sent crashing through the dressing room door. A severed arm (..!) follows, as ASTAROTH bursts in like a man possessed with his Soul Calibur prop giant axe, turned REAL razor sharp scythe. Always one to help a friend, Tentacle tries to intervene, only to have his stomach slashed open for the save. Fortunately his stomach is full of cotton, but as LEFT Tentacle leaks stuffing, Sirius Man once again goes on the offensive for his friend. ASTAROTH more than holds his own against Backyard's top two stars, completely burying the company, but the three way dance which mostly sees the two younger men dancing around scythe swipes is probably the only good action we'll see tonight. Eventually ASTAROTH takes out the cameraman, Ted.
Better Bitter Brawl
Carlton Draught Dude & Victoria Bitter Boy vs. Foster's BEER Man & Rajiv Khan
The Australian crowd is firmly behind Carlton Draught & Victoria Bitter despite Foster's & Rajiv being the clear baby faces. Rajiv does not enjoy tagging with Foster's, clearly holding him responsible for the destruction of his car. Despite this, the lengthy stretches of Foster getting double teamed are not a result of Khan's revenge. A school boy trip from Victoria Bitter Boy almost gets 3 but Khan breaks it up. When Khan finally gets the hot tag, he clears house - but every time its VB's turn to take a roundhouse right he pulls his partner in the way, the end result sees Carlton Draught Dude absolutely pummelled. Khan then goes for the pin, but VB breaks it up... by kicking Draught in the crotch. He's kind of unpleasant. Carlton Draught starts to bulk up, drinking a Carlton Draught... only to find its been poisoned and start puking up blood. Rajiv Khan nails a RUNNING METER for the win, while Foster's Beer Man cuts Victoria Bitter Boy off.
Winners: Rajiv Khan & Foster's BEER Man
Rating: **
Post Match: While EMTs try to stabilize Carlton Draught Dude, Victoria Bitter Boy shrugs off the loss, happily handing out free samples to minors in the audience. Foster's Beer pulls out a couple of cold Foster's and offers one to Rajiv to celebrate the win... but the cabby will have none of it, slapping it out of BEER MAN's hands and telling him to fix his god damned cab. The atmosphere is tense.
Backstage... "THE INDUSTRIAL MAN" Attila Balan & "BEELZEBOZO" Buster Friendly BRAWL into the backstage area. Apparently on the other show, Balan offered Friendly his last place rumble spot - which Beelzebozo didn't take too kindly too and they got into a fist fight........... which has seen them trading shots all around town until they got to this show. ....................THAT OTHER SHOW SOUNDS AMAZING!!! WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BE WATCHING THAT ONE INSTEAD!?!? As the two men trade shots backstage, some stage hands throw some dog collars on them. Lucherio Villaini charges in asking what the PAs are doing with the dog collars... they're for The POUND. Villaini: But they have to defend their titles first! ...the hits keep on coming.
SWAT TWINSTAR TITLES
BARBWIRE HANDICAP MATCH
Friendly Business <c> vs. The Arizona Assassin's Guild
On top of being trapped in a ring covered with barbwire against three men, Friendly Business have also been attached to each other with a dog collar. Neither man seems very pleased with the other, Buster furious over being offered a cushy spot in the royal rumble, Attila Balan for having to appear on a Backyard show at all. The two Southern State superstars do an amazing job of cutting off the ring and dominating the superior numbers, until FAKE Beelzebozo runs in - diving off the barbwire with a senton that COMPLETELY MISSES Beelzebozo but catches the dog collar, forcing Funny Business to collide with each other. The Fake Beelzebozo heads out, while the real one is thrown over the top rope - dangling choking from the dog collar while trying to catch his balance against the razor sharp barbwire. While Buster Friendly gushes blood on the outside, Balan doesn't fair better inside with the three Assassins taking him apart. One especially gruesome spot sees I-man's arm run across the barbwire so many times that it GETS TORN OFF!!! ...only to reveal a robot arm underneath (...)! With his cyborg strength, Balan yanks the chain - pulling Beelzebozo back into the ring. The clown prince of chaos goes to town with some KING'S ROAD insanely STIFF high kicks... with his massive clown shoes. Both the time keeper and ring announcer are revealed to be Arizona Assassin Guild members as well, breaking up multiple near falls. The finish sees I-Man pull some circuits out of his arm to electrocute Assassins 666 & the time keeper Assassin, while Friendly puts away Assassin #4 with the Whisky Lullaby.
Winners: Funny Business
Rating: ***
Post-Match: The two men exchange less than kind words before shuffling off to their next pay per view of the night. Given the state of them, god only knows how they'll survive the rumble.
Confession Match
Anonymoose vs. Zoran Sainovic
This is like an "I Quit" match only instead of them just blurting out "I Quit" ...they have to give a long and drawn out confession related to all the fake Beelzebozos running around Backyard / the real identity of Anonymoose. This gimmick sounds awful, but Anonymoose has energy to burn, and Sainovic is a good enough ring general to keep the match moving. We aren't talking five stars, but by Backyard standards? This could be the match of the year. Just as the action was getting good and it looked like Anonymoose was going to reveal he was Cobr-------the signal cut out.
WTF.
To be continued here.
ACW MEMORIAL SUPERSHOW
I have been SO PSYCHED to watch this year's No Man's Land! I know that Attila Balan is taking that rumble! ...At least I hope so... when I ordered the PPV, DirecTV ended up giving me the ACW Memorial Supershow instead. I cancelled and called them back. 4 times in a row, desperately trying to order No Man's Land. I live in Canada, so the only way I'd get to see the Australian show is PPV, and its not like they release them on DVDs. After my fifth time trying to rectify their mistake, I started drinking. Fuck it. We're watching the ACW Memorial Supershow.
Winner gets to wear the LEFT Tentacle Costume at the Other No Man's Land PPV
LEFT Tentacle vs. Brutalicus The Ripper
...REALLY? You're HYPING THE SHOW I WANT TO SEE ON THE SHOW YOU'RE FORCING ME TO WATCH! God damn it. The only person more angry about the situation than me is LEFT Tentacle, who breaks a wine bottle over Ripper's head and stabs him REPEATEDLY in the throat, covering the audience with gore. The referee starts to call for a DQ, but realizing that Brutalicus is of no use to Viper on the other show, the announcer declares it a KO.
Winner: "The Appendage Assassin" LEFT Tentacle
Rating: N/A
Post-Match: EMTs rush Brutalicus out on a stretcher, while the audience actually cheer Tentacle on. The boys don't look as happy. I've heard he's heading over to the new West Coast region. Good for him.
Backyard's champion, Sirius Man comes out, still sporting tape around his bruised ribs from his last title defence. Grabbing a microphone, Sirius says that he's sick of running and is not afraid of Astaroth, the championship belongs to the best man, and if that is Astaroth there is no shame in defeat. Astaroth then comes out in a different Soul Calibur III outfit... he does not look happy. The IGA tag specialist looks even less happy at the video game gimmick when a PA brings out a giant cardboard axe prop that he forgot backstage.
SWAT Ultimate Title
Falls Count Anywhere
Sirius Man <c> vs. ASTAROTH
The PA eats a neckbreaker into the guardrail, busting his nose wide open. Some of the fans that are sick enough to have acutally come to the show on purpose immediate crowd the guardrails offering ASTAROTH weapons. Snatching some spools of barbwire from one, ASTAROTH uses them to tie a razor sharp jagged piece of metal to his prop axe. ...That is enough to make Sirius question his new found spine, as the champion bails. Other than Tentacle, Sirius is the only likeable member of SWAT Backyard - so booking him as this cowardly loser? Fuck Vile. On the other hand, ASTAROTH is scary as hell --- with audience members fleeing in terror as the international star chases Sirius into the crowd... of course they don't actually have cameras to follow the action.
Collateral Damage
BRUNO vs. Olmec Captain Nemo
A video highlight reel before the match sees KGB's BRUNO taking it on himself to thin the SWAT B roster prior to the big New Year's Evil street brawl; involved in a Backyard show where he violently attacked AZTEC Dracula and Nemo by proxy. The match sees BRUNO using a lot of his big man power moves, while the awkward submarine wrapped around NEMO makes the more high impact moves near impossible. Members of Team HOMAGE including one of the TREEs, Frankenberry, Good Guy Doll, and Sadako come out of the back to watch. An axe bomber almost gets the three count for BRUNO. Ducking under a closeline, Olmec Captain Nemo hits a series of splashes which assisted by the sub almost collapse Bruno's ribcage. This gets a near fall. Powering out, Bruno hits a Jackknife Powerbomb, but just before the referee can count 3--- Sadako uses her TELEKENETIC powers to make the referee slap him. Going to the ropes, Bruno starts to curse out Team Homage, where Olmec catches him from behind with a Old World Shuffle... but at the two count realizes that the referee is counting fast, and breaks the pin... admonishing the little girl form the RING for interfering. When he returns back to the match he walks right into a POWERSLAM, and all the mental manipulation can't stop the three count.
WINNER: Bruno
Rating: **
Post-Match: TEAM Homage hit the ring and put the boots to Bruno... but he powers out of it. Lifting TREE up, he manages to gorilla press him out to the floor. Frankenberry then gets GORILLA pressed out to the 3rd wall. Snatching the Good Guy doll by the throat, BRUNO asks the crowd how far he can press him - the general consensus is the 20th row... so imagine how impressed they are when he gets 21. Lastly is Sadako - but BRUNO only sends the little girl flying out to the 10th. What a gentlemen. While distracted by the gorilla press contest, AZTEC Dracula slides into the ring and sinking a pair of golden vampire fangs into Bruno's throat. The ring is COVERED in blood. Before AZTEC Dracula can finish the KGB Enforcer off, Olmec Captain Nemo comes to the invaders aid - knocking Drac out of the ring with his sub. NEMO & BRUNO stand triumphant to the applause of the crowd.
Backstage, LEFT Tentacle is packing his bags to go to the REAL No Man's Land when Sirius Man is sent crashing through the dressing room door. A severed arm (..!) follows, as ASTAROTH bursts in like a man possessed with his Soul Calibur prop giant axe, turned REAL razor sharp scythe. Always one to help a friend, Tentacle tries to intervene, only to have his stomach slashed open for the save. Fortunately his stomach is full of cotton, but as LEFT Tentacle leaks stuffing, Sirius Man once again goes on the offensive for his friend. ASTAROTH more than holds his own against Backyard's top two stars, completely burying the company, but the three way dance which mostly sees the two younger men dancing around scythe swipes is probably the only good action we'll see tonight. Eventually ASTAROTH takes out the cameraman, Ted.
Better Bitter Brawl
Carlton Draught Dude & Victoria Bitter Boy vs. Foster's BEER Man & Rajiv Khan
The Australian crowd is firmly behind Carlton Draught & Victoria Bitter despite Foster's & Rajiv being the clear baby faces. Rajiv does not enjoy tagging with Foster's, clearly holding him responsible for the destruction of his car. Despite this, the lengthy stretches of Foster getting double teamed are not a result of Khan's revenge. A school boy trip from Victoria Bitter Boy almost gets 3 but Khan breaks it up. When Khan finally gets the hot tag, he clears house - but every time its VB's turn to take a roundhouse right he pulls his partner in the way, the end result sees Carlton Draught Dude absolutely pummelled. Khan then goes for the pin, but VB breaks it up... by kicking Draught in the crotch. He's kind of unpleasant. Carlton Draught starts to bulk up, drinking a Carlton Draught... only to find its been poisoned and start puking up blood. Rajiv Khan nails a RUNNING METER for the win, while Foster's Beer Man cuts Victoria Bitter Boy off.
Winners: Rajiv Khan & Foster's BEER Man
Rating: **
Post Match: While EMTs try to stabilize Carlton Draught Dude, Victoria Bitter Boy shrugs off the loss, happily handing out free samples to minors in the audience. Foster's Beer pulls out a couple of cold Foster's and offers one to Rajiv to celebrate the win... but the cabby will have none of it, slapping it out of BEER MAN's hands and telling him to fix his god damned cab. The atmosphere is tense.
Backstage... "THE INDUSTRIAL MAN" Attila Balan & "BEELZEBOZO" Buster Friendly BRAWL into the backstage area. Apparently on the other show, Balan offered Friendly his last place rumble spot - which Beelzebozo didn't take too kindly too and they got into a fist fight........... which has seen them trading shots all around town until they got to this show. ....................THAT OTHER SHOW SOUNDS AMAZING!!! WHY THE HELL CAN'T I BE WATCHING THAT ONE INSTEAD!?!? As the two men trade shots backstage, some stage hands throw some dog collars on them. Lucherio Villaini charges in asking what the PAs are doing with the dog collars... they're for The POUND. Villaini: But they have to defend their titles first! ...the hits keep on coming.
SWAT TWINSTAR TITLES
BARBWIRE HANDICAP MATCH
Friendly Business <c> vs. The Arizona Assassin's Guild
On top of being trapped in a ring covered with barbwire against three men, Friendly Business have also been attached to each other with a dog collar. Neither man seems very pleased with the other, Buster furious over being offered a cushy spot in the royal rumble, Attila Balan for having to appear on a Backyard show at all. The two Southern State superstars do an amazing job of cutting off the ring and dominating the superior numbers, until FAKE Beelzebozo runs in - diving off the barbwire with a senton that COMPLETELY MISSES Beelzebozo but catches the dog collar, forcing Funny Business to collide with each other. The Fake Beelzebozo heads out, while the real one is thrown over the top rope - dangling choking from the dog collar while trying to catch his balance against the razor sharp barbwire. While Buster Friendly gushes blood on the outside, Balan doesn't fair better inside with the three Assassins taking him apart. One especially gruesome spot sees I-man's arm run across the barbwire so many times that it GETS TORN OFF!!! ...only to reveal a robot arm underneath (...)! With his cyborg strength, Balan yanks the chain - pulling Beelzebozo back into the ring. The clown prince of chaos goes to town with some KING'S ROAD insanely STIFF high kicks... with his massive clown shoes. Both the time keeper and ring announcer are revealed to be Arizona Assassin Guild members as well, breaking up multiple near falls. The finish sees I-Man pull some circuits out of his arm to electrocute Assassins 666 & the time keeper Assassin, while Friendly puts away Assassin #4 with the Whisky Lullaby.
Winners: Funny Business
Rating: ***
Post-Match: The two men exchange less than kind words before shuffling off to their next pay per view of the night. Given the state of them, god only knows how they'll survive the rumble.
Confession Match
Anonymoose vs. Zoran Sainovic
This is like an "I Quit" match only instead of them just blurting out "I Quit" ...they have to give a long and drawn out confession related to all the fake Beelzebozos running around Backyard / the real identity of Anonymoose. This gimmick sounds awful, but Anonymoose has energy to burn, and Sainovic is a good enough ring general to keep the match moving. We aren't talking five stars, but by Backyard standards? This could be the match of the year. Just as the action was getting good and it looked like Anonymoose was going to reveal he was Cobr-------the signal cut out.
WTF.
To be continued here.