I Got Your Afterward Right Here (Tag-Team Extravaganza)
Nov 28, 2019 23:25:40 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, Kira Izumi, and 2 more like this
Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Nov 28, 2019 23:25:40 GMT -5
*We open on some bangin’ steel guitar playing a song none of us have ever probably heard except in passing and certainly not enough to assume it has a name or an artist attached to it. The guitar cries out as a shot glass full of brown is downed before us and then slammed onto the wood of a bar. The camera switches to a wider angle to show Randy Angel as the hand holding the glass as he then shoots the shot glass down the bar where it jumps off the end resulting in the sound of a crash.*
Bartender: You’re gonna pay for that
Randy: Whatever.
*He turns to the camera with a wide-angle smile of a man who’s both drunk and arrogant. His tongue slowly moves over his teeth.*
Randy: Hey there, nice to see you finally caught up with me. So I’m guessing that you have discovered that Off the Wagon is back on the market and we’re gonna be dropping some losers to the bottom of our beer glasses before shooting them back. Yeah I called up my best friend Kris Quake when I heard about the Tag-Team Extravaganza show.
*He pauses.*
Randy: Well, “called up” is a little bit of an exaggeration, I signed us up. I’m sure he got the memo. He won’t leave his best friend out to dry
*The ever-drunk Angel nods to himself.*
Randy: Now we’re up against the Borgs. Funny story, actually. About a month or so ago my brother and I faced off against what I’m pretty sure is their sisters. That uh- it didn’t go well but to be honest I don’t know if my brother really wanted the same things I wanted out of that match. But this time will be different- why? Because I know Kris like I know the back of my hand and he wants to win. And there isn’t any point going easy on the Borgs because I don’t wanna sleep with any of them. That’s not to say I’m off the market for those ladies at home…
*He finger-gun points and winks at the camera.*
Randy: But as myself and my best friend prepare for this match separately, without any direct contact since he’s real bad about answering phone calls…texts….emails…..carrier..cats….
*Yeah, that last one was a little strange, Randy nods to himself.*
Randy: As we’re preparing separately I bet we’re both looking at what some might call the insanity of this match. The Borgs claim to be from the “Afterward” or some sort of future I guess and they have a giant robot. I’m not sure which version of the team we’ll fight but it’ll be tricky. I mean, if they’re from the future they should know our moves, right? And if it’s two handsome but not exactly meaty men up against a giant robot that might make winning a bit tricky right? Seems like the smart money is on the Borgs.
*He gestures to the barkeep to pour him another shot. It’s quickly poured and emptied and slammed on the table and slid across to the- nope, the bartender caught it this time.*
Randy: But let me tell you, future guys, don’t count out Off the Wagon. You may have your fancy future knowledge and your giant robot and your evil cackling. But what you don’t have is the secret ingredient that makes Quake and Randy such a formidable team. We’ve got the sauce.
*Another gesture, another shot in short order.*
Randy: You see, you guys know the future- ONE future, the one you came from. But when you’ve got a guy in there who is three-sheets to the wind and doesn’t even know what he’s doing, then the possibilities are infinite. Get two guys like that and that’s infinity times two- and I don’t think science even has a number for that one. That’s your odds right there. That alone is enough to give me courage in its most liquid of forms.
*He scratches the side of his nose and chuckles*
Randy: And what’s more; both my best friend, Kris Quake, and I are experienced in using the booze. We’re as functional as can be when inebriated. You go ahead and try to replace that big metal bear’s fuel with the nightmare fuel we drink and see how that goes for you. But, and this one is the kicker, you’re from the “Afterward.” Well let me tell you, I’ve been to the day after, I’ve been to the aftermath, I’ve seen the next morning every single day for longer than you’ve been in our timeline. And the same thing rings true every day, every morning after a night that’d kill most men; every sunrise after a bender that should have me in the ground; every dawn I look in the mirror and where there should be a man who died for his sins long ago: I’m still there.
*He glares into the camera.*
Randy: It’s as simple as that. I’m not scared of you future guys because I know when the day is done and there’s nowhere else to run I’ll still be here. You might know the Afterward, but I know the future- and Randy Angel isn’t going anywhere soon, cowboys.
*He leans back against the bar*
Randy: So strap up, get your wacky plan ready, make your calculations. Because December 15th you are up against infinity times two. And when the sun comes up on the 16th and all that we did the night before is seen; you, Team Borg, will just be a couple more bottles on the floor. See you soon
*He winks and turns around calling for another drink as we fade out.*
Bartender: You’re gonna pay for that
Randy: Whatever.
*He turns to the camera with a wide-angle smile of a man who’s both drunk and arrogant. His tongue slowly moves over his teeth.*
Randy: Hey there, nice to see you finally caught up with me. So I’m guessing that you have discovered that Off the Wagon is back on the market and we’re gonna be dropping some losers to the bottom of our beer glasses before shooting them back. Yeah I called up my best friend Kris Quake when I heard about the Tag-Team Extravaganza show.
*He pauses.*
Randy: Well, “called up” is a little bit of an exaggeration, I signed us up. I’m sure he got the memo. He won’t leave his best friend out to dry
*The ever-drunk Angel nods to himself.*
Randy: Now we’re up against the Borgs. Funny story, actually. About a month or so ago my brother and I faced off against what I’m pretty sure is their sisters. That uh- it didn’t go well but to be honest I don’t know if my brother really wanted the same things I wanted out of that match. But this time will be different- why? Because I know Kris like I know the back of my hand and he wants to win. And there isn’t any point going easy on the Borgs because I don’t wanna sleep with any of them. That’s not to say I’m off the market for those ladies at home…
*He finger-gun points and winks at the camera.*
Randy: But as myself and my best friend prepare for this match separately, without any direct contact since he’s real bad about answering phone calls…texts….emails…..carrier..cats….
*Yeah, that last one was a little strange, Randy nods to himself.*
Randy: As we’re preparing separately I bet we’re both looking at what some might call the insanity of this match. The Borgs claim to be from the “Afterward” or some sort of future I guess and they have a giant robot. I’m not sure which version of the team we’ll fight but it’ll be tricky. I mean, if they’re from the future they should know our moves, right? And if it’s two handsome but not exactly meaty men up against a giant robot that might make winning a bit tricky right? Seems like the smart money is on the Borgs.
*He gestures to the barkeep to pour him another shot. It’s quickly poured and emptied and slammed on the table and slid across to the- nope, the bartender caught it this time.*
Randy: But let me tell you, future guys, don’t count out Off the Wagon. You may have your fancy future knowledge and your giant robot and your evil cackling. But what you don’t have is the secret ingredient that makes Quake and Randy such a formidable team. We’ve got the sauce.
*Another gesture, another shot in short order.*
Randy: You see, you guys know the future- ONE future, the one you came from. But when you’ve got a guy in there who is three-sheets to the wind and doesn’t even know what he’s doing, then the possibilities are infinite. Get two guys like that and that’s infinity times two- and I don’t think science even has a number for that one. That’s your odds right there. That alone is enough to give me courage in its most liquid of forms.
*He scratches the side of his nose and chuckles*
Randy: And what’s more; both my best friend, Kris Quake, and I are experienced in using the booze. We’re as functional as can be when inebriated. You go ahead and try to replace that big metal bear’s fuel with the nightmare fuel we drink and see how that goes for you. But, and this one is the kicker, you’re from the “Afterward.” Well let me tell you, I’ve been to the day after, I’ve been to the aftermath, I’ve seen the next morning every single day for longer than you’ve been in our timeline. And the same thing rings true every day, every morning after a night that’d kill most men; every sunrise after a bender that should have me in the ground; every dawn I look in the mirror and where there should be a man who died for his sins long ago: I’m still there.
*He glares into the camera.*
Randy: It’s as simple as that. I’m not scared of you future guys because I know when the day is done and there’s nowhere else to run I’ll still be here. You might know the Afterward, but I know the future- and Randy Angel isn’t going anywhere soon, cowboys.
*He leans back against the bar*
Randy: So strap up, get your wacky plan ready, make your calculations. Because December 15th you are up against infinity times two. And when the sun comes up on the 16th and all that we did the night before is seen; you, Team Borg, will just be a couple more bottles on the floor. See you soon
*He winks and turns around calling for another drink as we fade out.*
