Post by vastrix on Dec 5, 2019 8:18:05 GMT -5
1. How long have you been a professional wrestler?
I Started in the summer of 2012, I’ve been wrestling for … wow almost 20 years now
2. Who has been your most difficult opponent?
Max Soloke, he stole my extension cord far too many times, Zolothach was one crazy bitch too… for a girl.
3. So, you are the Animal Messiah that has been reborn from the vagina of an elephant. Who put you in the elephant in the first place?
I uh … I never actually got to meet my father, mama never talked about him either. I’m not really sure who he is or was. There was this loud guy called Master Carny who used to hang around I thought for a while it might be him but Mama didn't really like him much.
4. How does escaping death from inside of an elephant's pussy make you an Animal Messiah rather than the weirdest survival story ever?
I’m confused, you understand how mammal reproduction works don’t you? Also, not really cool to talk about my dead moms pussy. Not very respectful man.
5. So out with it. Have you or have you not died before?
I knew this question was coming, but its still just so stupid. I’m sitting right across from you do I really look dead? Sure there’s all that footage of me getting crushed by the rock but its pretty obvious that me was a lot older than I am so of course I haven’t died yet. It does kinda suck knowing when its gonna happen though.
6. So you had a gorilla for a wife? Did you kill her?
You’re not really a fan of tact are you? Yes, I was married to Margaret queen of the Gorillas. Yes she died and there was an investigation into it. Animal control never officially charged me with a crime. That should be enough for us to get past this.
7. What was it like having a gorilla for a wife? She could have broken you like a dry twig, right?
Haha I will say a handjob from a gorilla is an interesting and terrifying experience. After that sex though it takes a lot to choke me out. Good luck on getting me to submit.
8. I'm passing around a petition that says that the Red Ribbon Army should become the Pink Ribbon Army for a month in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. Would you sign it? I know they're an evil tyrannical army, but tyrant women soldiers still get cancer too.
Cancer is an issue that hits especially close to home with me. My Mama had a short horrible battle with it. Even the evil can contribute to the cure.
9. It was said that you died when an explosion inside an arena wiped out an entire city in Mexico. How are you still here?
That explosion didn’t kill nearly as many people as you’ve been told most of us just got sent back in time to the American deep south. Unfortunately most of the Mexican Natives that survived the trip didn’t get the warmest welcome after the move.
10. So, you were once really fat before you became really skinny with lots of extra skin. How was it that you lost the weight?
I don’t remember being fat. Sure my weights fluctuated a bit like anyone else but I was born with a lot of extra skin. Just one of the things that makes me special.
11. If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, are you the jackass putting birds in womens' pussies? If so, stop!
Sorry I was just daydreaming about this porn I saw in the 70’s.
12. You ever intend on getting the surgeries to have the extra weight of skin removed?
I am a beautiful piece of man meat and if people can't deal with all of me thats their problem.
13. It's been said that you used to smother opponents with the extra skin and glide through the air for short periods of time. Can you tell us about this?
My body is my weapon, I just use it to its full extent. It’s a lot easier to glide when its a ladder match or a catwalk match though, I need to get high before I can get the right lift. And the smothering works best at the end of the match when my skins nice and sweaty. The hair keeps it from being to slippery but laying that flap around someones mouth and nose really gets them to tap fast.
14. So, being an Animal Messiah, what is your religion?
Kwyjianity, the belief in the superiority of animals. We are strict vegans who are waiting for the messiah to other throw the tyrannical human race with what may or may not be a violent revolution.
15. Does this shirt make me look fat?
You don’t look fat at all. But it is super creepy how your shirt is the exact same color of blue as your hair. And why would you cut out nipple holes?
16. Do you have a plan of action for when you can no longer wrestle? In other words, what will you do for retirement, or will you continue in the ring until it claims your life has it has so many others in the past?
I’m gonna die in the ring. Didn't we already talk about this? There’s actually video of me dieing in the ring. So, no I don’t have a plan for that.
17. If you could not have been a wrestler, what would you have done instead?
Under a bridge somewhere dreaming about when I can afford to live in a van down by the river. Or maybe just a really bitter rude retail worker. Ya I’m not what you would call a “skilled” worker.
And Brad Pitt would play me in the movie.
I Started in the summer of 2012, I’ve been wrestling for … wow almost 20 years now
2. Who has been your most difficult opponent?
Max Soloke, he stole my extension cord far too many times, Zolothach was one crazy bitch too… for a girl.
3. So, you are the Animal Messiah that has been reborn from the vagina of an elephant. Who put you in the elephant in the first place?
I uh … I never actually got to meet my father, mama never talked about him either. I’m not really sure who he is or was. There was this loud guy called Master Carny who used to hang around I thought for a while it might be him but Mama didn't really like him much.
4. How does escaping death from inside of an elephant's pussy make you an Animal Messiah rather than the weirdest survival story ever?
I’m confused, you understand how mammal reproduction works don’t you? Also, not really cool to talk about my dead moms pussy. Not very respectful man.
5. So out with it. Have you or have you not died before?
I knew this question was coming, but its still just so stupid. I’m sitting right across from you do I really look dead? Sure there’s all that footage of me getting crushed by the rock but its pretty obvious that me was a lot older than I am so of course I haven’t died yet. It does kinda suck knowing when its gonna happen though.
6. So you had a gorilla for a wife? Did you kill her?
You’re not really a fan of tact are you? Yes, I was married to Margaret queen of the Gorillas. Yes she died and there was an investigation into it. Animal control never officially charged me with a crime. That should be enough for us to get past this.
7. What was it like having a gorilla for a wife? She could have broken you like a dry twig, right?
Haha I will say a handjob from a gorilla is an interesting and terrifying experience. After that sex though it takes a lot to choke me out. Good luck on getting me to submit.
8. I'm passing around a petition that says that the Red Ribbon Army should become the Pink Ribbon Army for a month in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. Would you sign it? I know they're an evil tyrannical army, but tyrant women soldiers still get cancer too.
Cancer is an issue that hits especially close to home with me. My Mama had a short horrible battle with it. Even the evil can contribute to the cure.
9. It was said that you died when an explosion inside an arena wiped out an entire city in Mexico. How are you still here?
That explosion didn’t kill nearly as many people as you’ve been told most of us just got sent back in time to the American deep south. Unfortunately most of the Mexican Natives that survived the trip didn’t get the warmest welcome after the move.
10. So, you were once really fat before you became really skinny with lots of extra skin. How was it that you lost the weight?
I don’t remember being fat. Sure my weights fluctuated a bit like anyone else but I was born with a lot of extra skin. Just one of the things that makes me special.
11. If a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, are you the jackass putting birds in womens' pussies? If so, stop!
Sorry I was just daydreaming about this porn I saw in the 70’s.
12. You ever intend on getting the surgeries to have the extra weight of skin removed?
I am a beautiful piece of man meat and if people can't deal with all of me thats their problem.
13. It's been said that you used to smother opponents with the extra skin and glide through the air for short periods of time. Can you tell us about this?
My body is my weapon, I just use it to its full extent. It’s a lot easier to glide when its a ladder match or a catwalk match though, I need to get high before I can get the right lift. And the smothering works best at the end of the match when my skins nice and sweaty. The hair keeps it from being to slippery but laying that flap around someones mouth and nose really gets them to tap fast.
14. So, being an Animal Messiah, what is your religion?
Kwyjianity, the belief in the superiority of animals. We are strict vegans who are waiting for the messiah to other throw the tyrannical human race with what may or may not be a violent revolution.
15. Does this shirt make me look fat?
You don’t look fat at all. But it is super creepy how your shirt is the exact same color of blue as your hair. And why would you cut out nipple holes?
16. Do you have a plan of action for when you can no longer wrestle? In other words, what will you do for retirement, or will you continue in the ring until it claims your life has it has so many others in the past?
I’m gonna die in the ring. Didn't we already talk about this? There’s actually video of me dieing in the ring. So, no I don’t have a plan for that.
17. If you could not have been a wrestler, what would you have done instead?
Under a bridge somewhere dreaming about when I can afford to live in a van down by the river. Or maybe just a really bitter rude retail worker. Ya I’m not what you would call a “skilled” worker.
And Brad Pitt would play me in the movie.