Tag Team Extravaganza
Dec 15, 2019 15:15:40 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Curtis D. Kanyon, and 5 more like this
Post by vastrix on Dec 15, 2019 15:15:40 GMT -5
The lights in the arena dim as people finish up taking their seats, the big screen showing clips of past Global Tag Team title matches. We go down to where King and Hawke are sitting by ringside.
Hawke: Hello and welcome to XHF’s Tag Team Extrava-
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies begins playing as Armand von Krauss walks out from the back with a cruel smile.
Hawke: The former majority owner of Riot Star Wrestling? What’s he doing here?
King: I would assume that we’re about to find out. Though I will wonder why he has decided to grace us instead of his hot wife, Esmeralda?
Hawke: I thought they were divorcing?
King: You know he couldn’t just give her up.
Armand von Krauss lights an expensive imported Egyptian cigarette before making his way down to the ring.
Hawke: Doesn’t Armand know that you’re not allowed to smoke indoors here?
King: I don’t think that he particularly cares.
Armand von Krauss leaves a trail of smoke as he heads down to the ring, stepping in through the ropes with grace, and pacing around the ring as the audience boos him loudly. Once they die down, Armand takes on a microphone.
Von Krauss: We have an excellent evening planned for you folks that I have been honored to play host for tonight’s festivities planned to gain points for some teams in the global tag team rankings. We begin the night with Wesley and Bernie against the Dark Carnival. I have heard some rumors about Bernie that I have found to be quite fascinating.
Von Krauss: Then we will go to the SKY Force against the Trons. A pair of brilliant female wrestlers against a pair of...are they superheroes? Are they martial artists? Who knows.
Von Krauss: Finally, we have Randy Angel and Kris Quake against the Borgs in what promises to be a major finale for the night. Are the Borgs...robots? I guess it doesn’t really matter. I can see the conflict of man over metal in this main event.
Armand flicks ashes onto the mat, “Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies beginning once again as Armand von Krauss makes his way to the back.
Hawke: So Armand came out here to say what I was going to say. To step on my toes.
King: He is the host after all. I suppose he has earned the right to do that.
Hawke: What a buttmunch.
Bonnie Jenkins: The next contest is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challengers...Wesley and Bernie!
“Thank You for Being a Friend” from the Golden Girls begins playing as Wesley walks out from the back while holding Bernie. The crowd is silent as Wesley walks down to the ring with Bernie. He puts Bernie in the corner and rolls into the ring.
King: Is Bernie...a dead guy?
Hawke: He looks like a mannequin, except the face seems-
King: Real? Like aged leather. Leatherface?
Hawke: I don’t even know who said that this was a legal tag team.
King: Like a singles wrestler and a potential club. What if Wesley tags in Bernie?
Hawke: I guess the match will be over real quick.
Wesley stretches in the corner while using the ropes and discussing last minute plans with Bernie.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents...Shadow Enchanter and Alpha. They are...the Dark Carnival!
The lights go out as "Chris Benoit" by I.C.P. blares through the building, the smell of cotton candy and popcorn can be smelled as carnival lights start to flash throughout the place. Two spotlights shine down on the center of the ring where Shadow Enchanter and Alpha stand as "The Dark One" Ryan Cullen slowly makes his way down the rampway as he holds his sacred book of Dark Horse. When he reaches the ring the two hold the ropes for him allowing him to enter as they all stand there prepared to do battle and represent Dark Horse. The Dark Carnival take their orders from their manager Ryan Cullen before he exits the ring as they get ready for the match.
King: These guys are wicked creepy.
Hawke: I think that might be the point.
Between the two, Shadow Enchanter stays in the ring and Alpha stays outside. Shadow Enchanter points at Bernie and laughs as the bell rings to start the match. Wesley crosses the ring and punches Enchanter in the face.
Shadow Enchanter looks stunned, but only for a second as he fires right back with a punch of his own. The two exchange punches back and forth until Wesley falls to the mat. Shadow Enchanter runs over and is about to punch Bernie off of the corner when he stops and looks closely at Bernie’s face.
King: Right? It’s eerily lifelike. You think he put a real person’s face on a doll?
Hawke: It says here in his biography...yes.
King: Are you kidding me?
Hawke: No. That’s Bernie’s face.
Shadow Enchanter turns around to get drilled in the chest with a drop kick from Wesley that sends him backwards into the corner where he runs the back of his head into Bernie’s rather solid hand.
King: You see Bernie smack him?
Hawke: Maybe?
Wesley pulls Enchanter out of the corner with a belly to belly suplex. He grabs Enchanter by the shoulders and headbutts him a few times. As he tries to engage, Shadow Enchanter grabs him and pulls him in with a wide grin.
Enchanter: More….
Wesley stands up, being followed by Wesley, who grabs him, and sets up Enchanter for a suplex. Enchanter drops behind Wesley, waits for him to turn around, grabs him by the head, and headbutts him right in the nose!
Hawke: Oh jeeze! He might have broken Wesley’s nose right there!
King: Exciting!
Shadow Enchanter pulls Wesley’s face away from his head, blood stringing between the two from Wesley’s nose. Enchanter pulls Wesley into another vicious headbutt and then another. He releases Wesley, who takes a couple of steps toward his own corner and falls flat on his face. Enchanter wipes at Wesley’s blood on his own face with the back of his hand before tagging in Alpha.
Alpha steps into the ring and watches with curiosity as Wesley desperately reaches up from laying on the mat to try to tag in Bernie.
Hawke: Bernie doesn’t move on his own. What does Wesley think is going to happen when he makes the tag?
King: I have no idea. I guess we’re going to have to find out.
Alpha grabs Wesley by the legs and pulls him away from the corner, applying a sharpshooter.
King: Or not.
Wesley does a push up, dragging himself to the corner by his hands where he makes the tag to Bernie. The ref makes Alpha break the hold and watches Wesley curiously.
Hawke: Now what?
King: No idea.
Alpha looks from Wesley to Bernie, the same question on his mind. Wesley grabs Bernie up from the corner and beats Alpha with it like a club! Alpha backs up a few steps, but is hit again by Bernie’s chest and hands in a blow hard enough to send him to the mat. Shadow Enchanter rushes into the ring, but is headed off by the ref who sends him back to the corner.
Hawke: So, it’s just acceptable for Wesley to remain in the ring even though he was tagged out?
King: Someone has to make Bernie move!
Hawke: I suppose.
Alpha gets to his feet, but is then punched by Bernie with lefts and rights, Wesley behind Bernie to control his every action. Several headbutts send Alpha back down to the mat, bleeding from the nose in the same way that Wesley is.
Wesley has Bernie do a leg drop across the face and throat of Alpha...yes, using Bernie like a club over and over again. One he stops, Alpha rolls around on the mat while clutching at his throat and bleeding all over the mat. Shadow Enchanter makes another play to get into the ring, but again the referee heads him off and sends him back to the corner.
Wesley holds Bernie up and does several stomping motions to drive the feet into Alpha’s ribcage. Once finished with that he gets in the corner and has Bernie tag him in.
Hawke: Looks like that was pretty complicated.
King: And took too much time. Look!
Wesley hops into the ring and goes to grab Alpha, but Alpha dives and makes the tag to Shadow Enchanter. He leaps into the ring and begins laying into Wesley with lefts and rights, switching quickly to forearms and elbows that rock Wesley’s world. He drops Wesley to the mat with a reverse ddt.
Enchanter pulls Wesley up to his feet, spits a black mist into his eyes, and applies a mandible claw. He brings Wesley down to the mat while keeping on the claw move. Wesley tries to fight the move, but taps out.
Bonnie Jenkins: Winners of the match via submission...the Dark Carnival!
King: Wesley and Bernie gave it their all, but they were defeated in the end.
Hawke: You mean that Wesley and his illegal weapon were defeated in the end.
King: Potato...orange.
Hawke: Those are two different things.
King: Right? Wesley and Bernie are clearly a tag team instead of solo man and weapon. Two different things.
Hawke: Agree to disagree here.
King: I disagree with that.
Hawke: Of course you do.
While the Dark Carnival celebrate their victory in the ring, Wesley grabs Bernie and heads to the back.
Bonnie Jenkins: This next match is a tag team match scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challengers...Rin Kuroi and Shizuku Yamamoto. They are the SKY Force!
“Choose Me” by the Bandmaid begins playing as Rin Kuroi and Shizuku Yamamoto walk out from the back. They strike a pose to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Once they finish posing for the crowd, they head down to the ring.
King: Puppies!
Hawke: Not now, Lawler.
King: If not now, when? I mean when you see a great set of puppies going to the ring, you need to stand up and take notice!
Hawke: You know that you’re sitting down?
King: Metaphor. Besides, I’m standing up where it counts.
Hawke: Where it counts? No! I don’t want to see your crotch!
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents Shogun-Tron and Techno-Tron. They are the Trons!
The lights in the arena go down and strobes begin flashing. "Seven Nation Army [Team Tron Mix]" echoes throughout the arena. On the tron screen the words "THE FUTURE!!!" appear before highlights from the recent exploits of the team begin showing. Onto the stage step the Trons! The crowd goes wild as each tron strikes an appropriate pose. They all hold up their respective weapons as they sprint to the ring high fiving any children on the way. They slide into the ring and assemble into a team pose in the center of the ring (think Ginyu Force) weapons drawn. They put away their weapons as the lights go back up and they walk around the ring posing for fans.
King: These guys are a bunch of freaks. Are they superheroes? Super martial arts heroes?
Hawke: I think they’re heroes from the future or something.
King: Heroes from the future, the Borgs are villains from the future. Are SKY Force the official puppy bearers of the future?
Hawke: I’m pretty sure they are not.
King: Damn it. Still...I think I’m one wardrobe malfunction away from exploding like the Titanic.
Hawke: The Titanic went down?
King: Just like I wish the SKY Force would be doing.
Hawke: That’s...good lord.
Rin Kuroi stays in the ring for SKY Force and Techno Tron starts in the ring for the Trons. They begin circling around one another as the bell rings to start the match.
Rin Kuroi goes in for a grab, but is caught off guard by a roundhouse kick to the face that sends her backpedaling. Techno Tron drops down, sweeping the legs of the female wrestler out from under her. A quick moonsault dropkick catches her full in the chest as she tries to get back up.
Techno Tron pulls Rin Kuroi up, whips her into the ropes, and meets her at the ropes with a high leg lariat that sends Rin back down to the mat. He pulls her up again and whips her into the Tron corner where he tags in Shogun Tron.
Shogun Tron jumps into the ring, sidekicking Rin Kuroi in the gut to double her over in the corner. He grabs her by the shoulder and pushes her up before brutally chopping her across the chest. He brings her out of the corner to the middle of the ring with a running bulldog.
Hawke: The Trons are keeping Rin Kuroi away from her partner. Smart.
King: Like they’re running a two person train on her.
Hawke: A train?
King: Yeah when several men love a woman very much. They take turns f-
Hawke: STAHP!
Rin Kuroi starts to get up onto one knee, but Shogun Tron hits her with a shining wizard to send her back down to the mat. He stands by her fallen form and drops a palm strike to the side of her head that sends her head crashing into the mat. Shogun Tron goes for the pinfall!
One
Tw-Rin Kuroi kicks out!
Shogun Tron stands up. He reaches for Rin Kuroi, who lunges for her corner to make the tag to her partner, but Shogun Tron catches her by the waist. He pulls her into a piledriver, crashing her head into the mat. He jumps to his feet and tags in Techno Tron.
Techno Tron puts Rin Kuroi onto the top rope, climbing up with her, and doing a top rope huracanrana into Shogun Tron’s waiting arms where he finishes the motion with a power bomb! Techno Tron goes for the pinfall while Shogun Tron stands guard.
One
Two
Three!
Hawke: That match was brutal.
King: It was at that. And, we didn’t even get to see any puppies. I’m just sad now.
Bonnie Jenkins: Winners of the match via pinfall...the Trons!
Bonnie Jenkins: This next match is scheduled for one fall and is the main event of the evening! Featuring first...Kris Quake and Randy Angel...they are Off the Wagon!
"My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit plays and...nothing happens. Suddenly two hands push Randy Angel onto the entryway. After dusting himself off, he tries to coax out the hands that pushed him, but is met with a 1-fingered salute. Randy shrugs and starts walking down to the ring. Once he's sufficiently down the ramp, "Outsiders" by Eric Church plays and Kris Quake makes his way out from the back, with all the enthusiasm of a child being dragged to the dentist office.
King: What a team! They are definitely on the same page!
Hawke: You’re just being a smartass now. Aren’t you?
King: How did you know?
Hawke: Lucky guess I suppose.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents...Heavymetal-Borg and Mecha Goldbear IV. They are...the Borgs!
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Evil-Borg, Heavymetal-Borg, and Mecha Goldbear IV come out together. They make their way to the ring throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans. They climb into the ring and Heavymetal-Borg head bangs while Mecha Goldbear IV and Evil Borg leave the ring.
Hawke: Looks like Heavymetal Borg is going to start the match for his team. I wonder who will start for Off the Wagon?
King: I would imagine that it would be Kris Quake. Look!
Randy Angel rolls out of the ring, signing an autograph for a fan in exchange for his beer. Randy quaffs the beer, motioning for Kris to start the match. Kris Quake rolls his eyes and stays in the ring while eyeing Heavymetal Borg as the bell sounds to start the match.
Hawke: You would think that Randy would take this match more seriously.
King: Maybe this is him taking things seriously.
Randy beats on the ring apron to cheer Kris Quake on. He looks down at Randy like WTF and Heavymetal Borg charges across the ring to bring Kris down with an elbow while Kris is distracted.
Angel: Whoops! Sorry!
Hawke: Why isn’t Randy on the ring apron?
King: I don’t know. Maybe you go ask him?
Randy Angel drinks at his beer while he watches Heavymetal Borg picks up Kris and hits a running powerslam! Randy finishes his beer, crushing the plastic cup on his forehead, and hops up to the ring apron. Heavymetal Borg grabs Kris Quake by the head, pulls him partway up, and slams the back of his head onto the mat.
Heavymetal Borg presses one of Kris’ shoulders down to the mat while rearing his other hand back. As he goes for the punch, Quake slithers out of Heavymetal’s grasp to cause the Borg to punch the mat. Heavymetal Borg rolls away from Kris Quake while shaking his hand in pain.
Kris Quake gets to his feet, watching as Heavymetal Borg gets up. Kris Quake runs across the ring, hitting a yakuza kick to send Heavymetal Borg back to the mat. He goes for a quick cover, but Heavymetal Borg kicks out before the ref can get into position.
Kris Angel gets Heavymetal Borg up and whips him into the corner. He tags in Randy Angel, who bounds into the ring. They each grab Heavymetal Borg by an arm and send him hard back first into the corner. They pull the Borg out of the corner and then whip him back into it. Kris steps out of the ring while Randy perches onto the second turnbuckle and begins to lay into Heavymetal Borg with punches.
Hawke: Off the Wagon working to keep the ring cut in half like the Trons did to the SKY Force.
King: I don’t know if it’s going to work all that well. Look!
Heavymetal Borg picks Randy Angel up, walking toward the center of the ring. Randy continues to lay into Heavymetal Borg, but his punches don’t seem to have that much effect as Heavymetal Borg hits an inverted atomic drop, squashing Randy’s nuts like pancakes. Heavymetal Borg tags in Mecha Goldbear IV, who steps into the ring. He grabs Randy from behind, hitting a German suplex.
Mecha Goldbear IV pulls Randy to his feet and catches a fist to the face for his efforts. Mecha Goldbear IV shrugs it off and strikes back with a punch of his own. The two exchange punches for a few minutes until an uppercut sends a spray of blood in a high arc from Randy’s face as he drops to the mat.
Hawke: Both are brawlers, but it looks like Mecha Goldbear IV has proven to be the superior brawler.
King: Isn’t Mecha Goldbear IV made of metal?
Hawke: You might have a point there.
Mecha Goldbear IV pulls Randy Angel up,,,,, traps his arms, and begins headbutting him over and over again until blood strings between their faces. Mecha Goldbear IV releases Randy Angel. He takes a couple of steps away from Mecha Goldbear IV and lands square on his face.
Hawke: Randy likes to look for a fight, but this might be one that he can’t win.
King: Not laying on his face and bleeding everywhere.
Randy Angel stands up, wiping at his face. He turns to face Mecha Goldbear IV and wipes the blood across Mecha Goldbear IV’s eyes to blind him. Randy tags back in Kris Quake runs into the ring, taking Mecha Goldbear IV down with a yakuza kick!
Kris Quake pulls Mecha Goldbear IV up, but turns as Evil Borg pulls Randy’s feet out from under him to smash Randy’s face into the ring apron. Mecha Goldbear IV seizes the distracted Kris in a bear hug, crushing the life out of him.
King: The Robo-Bear Hug looks like it will finish this match off! Mecha Goldbear IV doesn’t need to see to win the match!
Hawke: Yeah. Randy is down for the count and thus this could be the end of the match.
Mecha Goldbear IV shakes Kris Quake side to side while keeping the bear hug cinched in. The ref has Mecha Goldbear IV stop shaking Quake so that he can check the arm.
The ref raises Quake’s arm once. It falls.
The ref raises Quake’s arm a second time. It falls.
The ref raises Quake’s arm a third time….it falls.
Mecha Goldbear IV drops Kris Quake to the mat and raises his hands in the air in victory as he is joined by Heavymetal Borg and Evil Borg to celebrate their win.
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match, the Borgs!
King: Well, the Borgs have won it.
Hawke: And that’s all the time we have for tonight, folks. This has been XHF Network Wrestling!
Hawke: Hello and welcome to XHF’s Tag Team Extrava-
“Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies begins playing as Armand von Krauss walks out from the back with a cruel smile.
Hawke: The former majority owner of Riot Star Wrestling? What’s he doing here?
King: I would assume that we’re about to find out. Though I will wonder why he has decided to grace us instead of his hot wife, Esmeralda?
Hawke: I thought they were divorcing?
King: You know he couldn’t just give her up.
Armand von Krauss lights an expensive imported Egyptian cigarette before making his way down to the ring.
Hawke: Doesn’t Armand know that you’re not allowed to smoke indoors here?
King: I don’t think that he particularly cares.
Armand von Krauss leaves a trail of smoke as he heads down to the ring, stepping in through the ropes with grace, and pacing around the ring as the audience boos him loudly. Once they die down, Armand takes on a microphone.
Von Krauss: We have an excellent evening planned for you folks that I have been honored to play host for tonight’s festivities planned to gain points for some teams in the global tag team rankings. We begin the night with Wesley and Bernie against the Dark Carnival. I have heard some rumors about Bernie that I have found to be quite fascinating.
Von Krauss: Then we will go to the SKY Force against the Trons. A pair of brilliant female wrestlers against a pair of...are they superheroes? Are they martial artists? Who knows.
Von Krauss: Finally, we have Randy Angel and Kris Quake against the Borgs in what promises to be a major finale for the night. Are the Borgs...robots? I guess it doesn’t really matter. I can see the conflict of man over metal in this main event.
Armand flicks ashes onto the mat, “Circus Apocalypse” by Vermillion Lies beginning once again as Armand von Krauss makes his way to the back.
Hawke: So Armand came out here to say what I was going to say. To step on my toes.
King: He is the host after all. I suppose he has earned the right to do that.
Hawke: What a buttmunch.
Bonnie Jenkins: The next contest is scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challengers...Wesley and Bernie!
“Thank You for Being a Friend” from the Golden Girls begins playing as Wesley walks out from the back while holding Bernie. The crowd is silent as Wesley walks down to the ring with Bernie. He puts Bernie in the corner and rolls into the ring.
King: Is Bernie...a dead guy?
Hawke: He looks like a mannequin, except the face seems-
King: Real? Like aged leather. Leatherface?
Hawke: I don’t even know who said that this was a legal tag team.
King: Like a singles wrestler and a potential club. What if Wesley tags in Bernie?
Hawke: I guess the match will be over real quick.
Wesley stretches in the corner while using the ropes and discussing last minute plans with Bernie.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents...Shadow Enchanter and Alpha. They are...the Dark Carnival!
The lights go out as "Chris Benoit" by I.C.P. blares through the building, the smell of cotton candy and popcorn can be smelled as carnival lights start to flash throughout the place. Two spotlights shine down on the center of the ring where Shadow Enchanter and Alpha stand as "The Dark One" Ryan Cullen slowly makes his way down the rampway as he holds his sacred book of Dark Horse. When he reaches the ring the two hold the ropes for him allowing him to enter as they all stand there prepared to do battle and represent Dark Horse. The Dark Carnival take their orders from their manager Ryan Cullen before he exits the ring as they get ready for the match.
King: These guys are wicked creepy.
Hawke: I think that might be the point.
Between the two, Shadow Enchanter stays in the ring and Alpha stays outside. Shadow Enchanter points at Bernie and laughs as the bell rings to start the match. Wesley crosses the ring and punches Enchanter in the face.
Shadow Enchanter looks stunned, but only for a second as he fires right back with a punch of his own. The two exchange punches back and forth until Wesley falls to the mat. Shadow Enchanter runs over and is about to punch Bernie off of the corner when he stops and looks closely at Bernie’s face.
King: Right? It’s eerily lifelike. You think he put a real person’s face on a doll?
Hawke: It says here in his biography...yes.
King: Are you kidding me?
Hawke: No. That’s Bernie’s face.
Shadow Enchanter turns around to get drilled in the chest with a drop kick from Wesley that sends him backwards into the corner where he runs the back of his head into Bernie’s rather solid hand.
King: You see Bernie smack him?
Hawke: Maybe?
Wesley pulls Enchanter out of the corner with a belly to belly suplex. He grabs Enchanter by the shoulders and headbutts him a few times. As he tries to engage, Shadow Enchanter grabs him and pulls him in with a wide grin.
Enchanter: More….
Wesley stands up, being followed by Wesley, who grabs him, and sets up Enchanter for a suplex. Enchanter drops behind Wesley, waits for him to turn around, grabs him by the head, and headbutts him right in the nose!
Hawke: Oh jeeze! He might have broken Wesley’s nose right there!
King: Exciting!
Shadow Enchanter pulls Wesley’s face away from his head, blood stringing between the two from Wesley’s nose. Enchanter pulls Wesley into another vicious headbutt and then another. He releases Wesley, who takes a couple of steps toward his own corner and falls flat on his face. Enchanter wipes at Wesley’s blood on his own face with the back of his hand before tagging in Alpha.
Alpha steps into the ring and watches with curiosity as Wesley desperately reaches up from laying on the mat to try to tag in Bernie.
Hawke: Bernie doesn’t move on his own. What does Wesley think is going to happen when he makes the tag?
King: I have no idea. I guess we’re going to have to find out.
Alpha grabs Wesley by the legs and pulls him away from the corner, applying a sharpshooter.
King: Or not.
Wesley does a push up, dragging himself to the corner by his hands where he makes the tag to Bernie. The ref makes Alpha break the hold and watches Wesley curiously.
Hawke: Now what?
King: No idea.
Alpha looks from Wesley to Bernie, the same question on his mind. Wesley grabs Bernie up from the corner and beats Alpha with it like a club! Alpha backs up a few steps, but is hit again by Bernie’s chest and hands in a blow hard enough to send him to the mat. Shadow Enchanter rushes into the ring, but is headed off by the ref who sends him back to the corner.
Hawke: So, it’s just acceptable for Wesley to remain in the ring even though he was tagged out?
King: Someone has to make Bernie move!
Hawke: I suppose.
Alpha gets to his feet, but is then punched by Bernie with lefts and rights, Wesley behind Bernie to control his every action. Several headbutts send Alpha back down to the mat, bleeding from the nose in the same way that Wesley is.
Wesley has Bernie do a leg drop across the face and throat of Alpha...yes, using Bernie like a club over and over again. One he stops, Alpha rolls around on the mat while clutching at his throat and bleeding all over the mat. Shadow Enchanter makes another play to get into the ring, but again the referee heads him off and sends him back to the corner.
Wesley holds Bernie up and does several stomping motions to drive the feet into Alpha’s ribcage. Once finished with that he gets in the corner and has Bernie tag him in.
Hawke: Looks like that was pretty complicated.
King: And took too much time. Look!
Wesley hops into the ring and goes to grab Alpha, but Alpha dives and makes the tag to Shadow Enchanter. He leaps into the ring and begins laying into Wesley with lefts and rights, switching quickly to forearms and elbows that rock Wesley’s world. He drops Wesley to the mat with a reverse ddt.
Enchanter pulls Wesley up to his feet, spits a black mist into his eyes, and applies a mandible claw. He brings Wesley down to the mat while keeping on the claw move. Wesley tries to fight the move, but taps out.
Bonnie Jenkins: Winners of the match via submission...the Dark Carnival!
King: Wesley and Bernie gave it their all, but they were defeated in the end.
Hawke: You mean that Wesley and his illegal weapon were defeated in the end.
King: Potato...orange.
Hawke: Those are two different things.
King: Right? Wesley and Bernie are clearly a tag team instead of solo man and weapon. Two different things.
Hawke: Agree to disagree here.
King: I disagree with that.
Hawke: Of course you do.
While the Dark Carnival celebrate their victory in the ring, Wesley grabs Bernie and heads to the back.
Bonnie Jenkins: This next match is a tag team match scheduled for one fall! Featuring first the challengers...Rin Kuroi and Shizuku Yamamoto. They are the SKY Force!
“Choose Me” by the Bandmaid begins playing as Rin Kuroi and Shizuku Yamamoto walk out from the back. They strike a pose to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Once they finish posing for the crowd, they head down to the ring.
King: Puppies!
Hawke: Not now, Lawler.
King: If not now, when? I mean when you see a great set of puppies going to the ring, you need to stand up and take notice!
Hawke: You know that you’re sitting down?
King: Metaphor. Besides, I’m standing up where it counts.
Hawke: Where it counts? No! I don’t want to see your crotch!
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents Shogun-Tron and Techno-Tron. They are the Trons!
The lights in the arena go down and strobes begin flashing. "Seven Nation Army [Team Tron Mix]" echoes throughout the arena. On the tron screen the words "THE FUTURE!!!" appear before highlights from the recent exploits of the team begin showing. Onto the stage step the Trons! The crowd goes wild as each tron strikes an appropriate pose. They all hold up their respective weapons as they sprint to the ring high fiving any children on the way. They slide into the ring and assemble into a team pose in the center of the ring (think Ginyu Force) weapons drawn. They put away their weapons as the lights go back up and they walk around the ring posing for fans.
King: These guys are a bunch of freaks. Are they superheroes? Super martial arts heroes?
Hawke: I think they’re heroes from the future or something.
King: Heroes from the future, the Borgs are villains from the future. Are SKY Force the official puppy bearers of the future?
Hawke: I’m pretty sure they are not.
King: Damn it. Still...I think I’m one wardrobe malfunction away from exploding like the Titanic.
Hawke: The Titanic went down?
King: Just like I wish the SKY Force would be doing.
Hawke: That’s...good lord.
Rin Kuroi stays in the ring for SKY Force and Techno Tron starts in the ring for the Trons. They begin circling around one another as the bell rings to start the match.
Rin Kuroi goes in for a grab, but is caught off guard by a roundhouse kick to the face that sends her backpedaling. Techno Tron drops down, sweeping the legs of the female wrestler out from under her. A quick moonsault dropkick catches her full in the chest as she tries to get back up.
Techno Tron pulls Rin Kuroi up, whips her into the ropes, and meets her at the ropes with a high leg lariat that sends Rin back down to the mat. He pulls her up again and whips her into the Tron corner where he tags in Shogun Tron.
Shogun Tron jumps into the ring, sidekicking Rin Kuroi in the gut to double her over in the corner. He grabs her by the shoulder and pushes her up before brutally chopping her across the chest. He brings her out of the corner to the middle of the ring with a running bulldog.
Hawke: The Trons are keeping Rin Kuroi away from her partner. Smart.
King: Like they’re running a two person train on her.
Hawke: A train?
King: Yeah when several men love a woman very much. They take turns f-
Hawke: STAHP!
Rin Kuroi starts to get up onto one knee, but Shogun Tron hits her with a shining wizard to send her back down to the mat. He stands by her fallen form and drops a palm strike to the side of her head that sends her head crashing into the mat. Shogun Tron goes for the pinfall!
One
Tw-Rin Kuroi kicks out!
Shogun Tron stands up. He reaches for Rin Kuroi, who lunges for her corner to make the tag to her partner, but Shogun Tron catches her by the waist. He pulls her into a piledriver, crashing her head into the mat. He jumps to his feet and tags in Techno Tron.
Techno Tron puts Rin Kuroi onto the top rope, climbing up with her, and doing a top rope huracanrana into Shogun Tron’s waiting arms where he finishes the motion with a power bomb! Techno Tron goes for the pinfall while Shogun Tron stands guard.
One
Two
Three!
Hawke: That match was brutal.
King: It was at that. And, we didn’t even get to see any puppies. I’m just sad now.
Bonnie Jenkins: Winners of the match via pinfall...the Trons!
Bonnie Jenkins: This next match is scheduled for one fall and is the main event of the evening! Featuring first...Kris Quake and Randy Angel...they are Off the Wagon!
"My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit plays and...nothing happens. Suddenly two hands push Randy Angel onto the entryway. After dusting himself off, he tries to coax out the hands that pushed him, but is met with a 1-fingered salute. Randy shrugs and starts walking down to the ring. Once he's sufficiently down the ramp, "Outsiders" by Eric Church plays and Kris Quake makes his way out from the back, with all the enthusiasm of a child being dragged to the dentist office.
King: What a team! They are definitely on the same page!
Hawke: You’re just being a smartass now. Aren’t you?
King: How did you know?
Hawke: Lucky guess I suppose.
Bonnie Jenkins: And their opponents...Heavymetal-Borg and Mecha Goldbear IV. They are...the Borgs!
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Evil-Borg, Heavymetal-Borg, and Mecha Goldbear IV come out together. They make their way to the ring throwing up the devil horns and threatening fans. They climb into the ring and Heavymetal-Borg head bangs while Mecha Goldbear IV and Evil Borg leave the ring.
Hawke: Looks like Heavymetal Borg is going to start the match for his team. I wonder who will start for Off the Wagon?
King: I would imagine that it would be Kris Quake. Look!
Randy Angel rolls out of the ring, signing an autograph for a fan in exchange for his beer. Randy quaffs the beer, motioning for Kris to start the match. Kris Quake rolls his eyes and stays in the ring while eyeing Heavymetal Borg as the bell sounds to start the match.
Hawke: You would think that Randy would take this match more seriously.
King: Maybe this is him taking things seriously.
Randy beats on the ring apron to cheer Kris Quake on. He looks down at Randy like WTF and Heavymetal Borg charges across the ring to bring Kris down with an elbow while Kris is distracted.
Angel: Whoops! Sorry!
Hawke: Why isn’t Randy on the ring apron?
King: I don’t know. Maybe you go ask him?
Randy Angel drinks at his beer while he watches Heavymetal Borg picks up Kris and hits a running powerslam! Randy finishes his beer, crushing the plastic cup on his forehead, and hops up to the ring apron. Heavymetal Borg grabs Kris Quake by the head, pulls him partway up, and slams the back of his head onto the mat.
Heavymetal Borg presses one of Kris’ shoulders down to the mat while rearing his other hand back. As he goes for the punch, Quake slithers out of Heavymetal’s grasp to cause the Borg to punch the mat. Heavymetal Borg rolls away from Kris Quake while shaking his hand in pain.
Kris Quake gets to his feet, watching as Heavymetal Borg gets up. Kris Quake runs across the ring, hitting a yakuza kick to send Heavymetal Borg back to the mat. He goes for a quick cover, but Heavymetal Borg kicks out before the ref can get into position.
Kris Angel gets Heavymetal Borg up and whips him into the corner. He tags in Randy Angel, who bounds into the ring. They each grab Heavymetal Borg by an arm and send him hard back first into the corner. They pull the Borg out of the corner and then whip him back into it. Kris steps out of the ring while Randy perches onto the second turnbuckle and begins to lay into Heavymetal Borg with punches.
Hawke: Off the Wagon working to keep the ring cut in half like the Trons did to the SKY Force.
King: I don’t know if it’s going to work all that well. Look!
Heavymetal Borg picks Randy Angel up, walking toward the center of the ring. Randy continues to lay into Heavymetal Borg, but his punches don’t seem to have that much effect as Heavymetal Borg hits an inverted atomic drop, squashing Randy’s nuts like pancakes. Heavymetal Borg tags in Mecha Goldbear IV, who steps into the ring. He grabs Randy from behind, hitting a German suplex.
Mecha Goldbear IV pulls Randy to his feet and catches a fist to the face for his efforts. Mecha Goldbear IV shrugs it off and strikes back with a punch of his own. The two exchange punches for a few minutes until an uppercut sends a spray of blood in a high arc from Randy’s face as he drops to the mat.
Hawke: Both are brawlers, but it looks like Mecha Goldbear IV has proven to be the superior brawler.
King: Isn’t Mecha Goldbear IV made of metal?
Hawke: You might have a point there.
Mecha Goldbear IV pulls Randy Angel up,,,,, traps his arms, and begins headbutting him over and over again until blood strings between their faces. Mecha Goldbear IV releases Randy Angel. He takes a couple of steps away from Mecha Goldbear IV and lands square on his face.
Hawke: Randy likes to look for a fight, but this might be one that he can’t win.
King: Not laying on his face and bleeding everywhere.
Randy Angel stands up, wiping at his face. He turns to face Mecha Goldbear IV and wipes the blood across Mecha Goldbear IV’s eyes to blind him. Randy tags back in Kris Quake runs into the ring, taking Mecha Goldbear IV down with a yakuza kick!
Kris Quake pulls Mecha Goldbear IV up, but turns as Evil Borg pulls Randy’s feet out from under him to smash Randy’s face into the ring apron. Mecha Goldbear IV seizes the distracted Kris in a bear hug, crushing the life out of him.
King: The Robo-Bear Hug looks like it will finish this match off! Mecha Goldbear IV doesn’t need to see to win the match!
Hawke: Yeah. Randy is down for the count and thus this could be the end of the match.
Mecha Goldbear IV shakes Kris Quake side to side while keeping the bear hug cinched in. The ref has Mecha Goldbear IV stop shaking Quake so that he can check the arm.
The ref raises Quake’s arm once. It falls.
The ref raises Quake’s arm a second time. It falls.
The ref raises Quake’s arm a third time….it falls.
Mecha Goldbear IV drops Kris Quake to the mat and raises his hands in the air in victory as he is joined by Heavymetal Borg and Evil Borg to celebrate their win.
Bonnie Jenkins: The winner of this match, the Borgs!
King: Well, the Borgs have won it.
Hawke: And that’s all the time we have for tonight, folks. This has been XHF Network Wrestling!