Zůstatek (ZS RP 02)
Jan 11, 2020 18:10:01 GMT -5
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Mongo the Destroyer and SWAT Team like this
Post by mosler on Jan 11, 2020 18:10:01 GMT -5
[After a busy day of spamming XHF’s twitter and Instagram feeds using false accounts - posing as disgruntled fans to complain about favouritism against SWAT workers, Zoran Sainovic is now burning the midnight oil. Leaning against his mahogany desk, Sainovic is content that the flames have been fanned enough that he can leave their position for the idiot audience to argue while focusing on more practical issues. Like accounting. As the interim SWAT commissioner thumbs through a ledger, looking for superfluous staff to slash, you start to appreciate the scope of his role. His match against Hammerhand will probably only last three seconds, not because Sainovic doesn’t want to torture him, but with all this work, who has the time to physically abuse the mentally handicap? Gym rats with nothing to say. Black sharpie in hand, Sainovic crosses three of the referees off his list.]
Zoran Sainovic <looking up from ledger>: It seems zat Luthor Blake is irked zat I didn’t refer to him as Blake Luthor. Took ze time to act like it just rolled off his skin, while needing to point it out. I assure you Luthor, the moniker I gave you is better. Strongly consider updating your merchandise. Simply switching your generic names around might not give you any substance, but it sounds better. Watch as your T-shirts fly off ze shelves - probably because you hit them. English isn’t my first language, but I guess what I’m trying to say is, your welcome.
[Turning his attention back to the ledger, Sainovic is horrified to find the wrestlers flying coach. He makes a note in the margin: “greyhounds instead?”]
Zoran Sainovic <wrapped up in his paperwork but multitasking>: Luther, you suggested zat I was not a ringer - zat’s good. <turning back to the camera with a smirk> Go with zat. You threw out some names you perceived to be higher on ze pecking order, including relative newcomer Travis and yet to debut, Jackson. You do this while acting like you’ve done your research. As zough you are familiar enough with our product to have my number. I’ve been one of our headline attractions for ze past half year, yet you point to a lack of in-ring appearances to denigrate me. <eyes narrow> Zat is rich, coming from a man who gets his best results beating up low lives in prerecorded interviews.
In fairness, zere is a FAR better chance of you being a fan of SWAT zan me catching one of your... PSW appearances. It’s PSW isn’t it? With your frame I can see you as a personal support worker, but I prefer to think of you as job boy.
[Plants? How are they spending so much money on plants? Like office plants, or the ones that hold Psychotic Goth signs? SWAT wrestlers are too over to need such audience enhancements, and besides extras in videos should be provided by fans who will pay for the opportunity. Even if the quality of the acting suffers. Speaking of which...]
“Are you really a wrestler?”
Zoran Sainovic: Said no one ever. <shaking head in disgust> I see zat Luthor likes his dialogue like he likes his men. Stiff.
Luthor claims to not have a trollish personality, but zinking back to zat first interview he shot, it certainly felt like he was trying to race something out zere so he could go back to hitting ze gym. Zose extras? Zere delivery was so amateur zat it boggles ze mind why zere were no reshoots? Was yelling FIRST really zat important?
“Are you really a wrestler?”
Zoran Sainovic <snort>: Zis leads me to two possibilities. Either ze men zat Luther physically dominates are plants, or mentally handicap. Smacking around tards to prove your strength, Luther? I’m petrified. Still, “Spastic Beating” Luthor Blake - now ZAT is a name has REAL potential. Can you say plush doll?
[SWAT headquarters uses double ply toilet paper? How is Sainovic going to find room in the budget for his Supremacy appearance if the local losers keep indulging their lazy posteriors? This won’t do. Furrowing his brow, ZS runs his sharpie through it. An additional note in the margin draws a diagram to the Starbucks down the street where napkins can be procured.]
Zoran Sainovic: Zough I object to your interviews in which you prove your toughness against zugs we do not know, with trash talk zat amounts to crushing guys bones, I see promise in you, Luth. So here is what I’m going to do - if you lay down in ze ring, and don’t put up any resistance, I will give you an enhancement contract with SWAT. You can job to a higher class of wrestler zan you’re used too. We can make “Tard Assault” Luthor Blake a reality. Oh, you’ll have to pass a urine test, but I imagine a man like you has water coolers full of clean piss.
[How much does the medical team spend a month in pain killers? Is this an indication of a systemic problem in the industry, or a testament to the hardcore nature of SWAT matches? He bets it’s that bastard Matei. A sharpie strike later, and Zoran Sainovic feels confident that the boys can suck it up.]
Zoran Sainovic: You brag about how much walking around money you have, Luthor - but you aren’t wealthy enough to have a guy buying your drugs for you? Very hands on, but it seems like a character flaw not to know us men of means do zat. A man playing at being rich, tough and confident, but it’s probably just the oxy talking.
See you need drugs to survive the day to day grind. The damage you’ve done to your hands. Beating up muggers and drug dealers. Fessing up to being more of a one dimensional fighter zan a wrestler. You are very grounded.
Me? I have no interest in being grounded. My sights are beyond ze stratosphere.
You focus on our match, Luthor. I’m looking at ze bigger picture.
[Raising ledger.]
Zoran Sainovic: SWAT is a pretty big company. Based on production output, it might be as large as half the XHF network. We’re not hurting for money. So why am I slashing our budget? I’m looking at areas of expenses zat can be minimized to put on ze single greatest celebration in wrestling history.
When I win ze X*Crown?
Zousands of children joining hands singing peace on earth, ze guys who do ze Dubai New Years fireworks? Oh we’ll have zem! Formula 1 drivers doing synchronized donuts! Everyone in ze audience gets a car! A musical line-up to put ze Super Bowl halftime show to shame! I know all zose pop stars from my work on ze Fyre festival. If people talked about Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, wait till zey get a load of Michael Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction! But even zat will be a drop in the ocean compared to my glorious victory! A human triangle big enough to send me to space! XHF May have teased a Supremacy in space, but SWAT is bringing ze stars! If I have to fire half our staff, SWAT will give me ze victory celebration my accomplishment deserves!
As I ascend to ze heavens, you keep yourself grounded Luthor, because earthbound is all you’ll ever be.
[Nodding as his point has been made, Zoran looks down in exasperation to find that SWAT owns its own defibrillator. The medical team is going to be the death of him. What do they think a wrestler’s life is worth? Black ink follows.]
Zoran Sainovic <looking up from ledger>: It seems zat Luthor Blake is irked zat I didn’t refer to him as Blake Luthor. Took ze time to act like it just rolled off his skin, while needing to point it out. I assure you Luthor, the moniker I gave you is better. Strongly consider updating your merchandise. Simply switching your generic names around might not give you any substance, but it sounds better. Watch as your T-shirts fly off ze shelves - probably because you hit them. English isn’t my first language, but I guess what I’m trying to say is, your welcome.
[Turning his attention back to the ledger, Sainovic is horrified to find the wrestlers flying coach. He makes a note in the margin: “greyhounds instead?”]
Zoran Sainovic <wrapped up in his paperwork but multitasking>: Luther, you suggested zat I was not a ringer - zat’s good. <turning back to the camera with a smirk> Go with zat. You threw out some names you perceived to be higher on ze pecking order, including relative newcomer Travis and yet to debut, Jackson. You do this while acting like you’ve done your research. As zough you are familiar enough with our product to have my number. I’ve been one of our headline attractions for ze past half year, yet you point to a lack of in-ring appearances to denigrate me. <eyes narrow> Zat is rich, coming from a man who gets his best results beating up low lives in prerecorded interviews.
In fairness, zere is a FAR better chance of you being a fan of SWAT zan me catching one of your... PSW appearances. It’s PSW isn’t it? With your frame I can see you as a personal support worker, but I prefer to think of you as job boy.
[Plants? How are they spending so much money on plants? Like office plants, or the ones that hold Psychotic Goth signs? SWAT wrestlers are too over to need such audience enhancements, and besides extras in videos should be provided by fans who will pay for the opportunity. Even if the quality of the acting suffers. Speaking of which...]
“Are you really a wrestler?”
Zoran Sainovic: Said no one ever. <shaking head in disgust> I see zat Luthor likes his dialogue like he likes his men. Stiff.
Luthor claims to not have a trollish personality, but zinking back to zat first interview he shot, it certainly felt like he was trying to race something out zere so he could go back to hitting ze gym. Zose extras? Zere delivery was so amateur zat it boggles ze mind why zere were no reshoots? Was yelling FIRST really zat important?
“Are you really a wrestler?”
Zoran Sainovic <snort>: Zis leads me to two possibilities. Either ze men zat Luther physically dominates are plants, or mentally handicap. Smacking around tards to prove your strength, Luther? I’m petrified. Still, “Spastic Beating” Luthor Blake - now ZAT is a name has REAL potential. Can you say plush doll?
[SWAT headquarters uses double ply toilet paper? How is Sainovic going to find room in the budget for his Supremacy appearance if the local losers keep indulging their lazy posteriors? This won’t do. Furrowing his brow, ZS runs his sharpie through it. An additional note in the margin draws a diagram to the Starbucks down the street where napkins can be procured.]
Zoran Sainovic: Zough I object to your interviews in which you prove your toughness against zugs we do not know, with trash talk zat amounts to crushing guys bones, I see promise in you, Luth. So here is what I’m going to do - if you lay down in ze ring, and don’t put up any resistance, I will give you an enhancement contract with SWAT. You can job to a higher class of wrestler zan you’re used too. We can make “Tard Assault” Luthor Blake a reality. Oh, you’ll have to pass a urine test, but I imagine a man like you has water coolers full of clean piss.
[How much does the medical team spend a month in pain killers? Is this an indication of a systemic problem in the industry, or a testament to the hardcore nature of SWAT matches? He bets it’s that bastard Matei. A sharpie strike later, and Zoran Sainovic feels confident that the boys can suck it up.]
Zoran Sainovic: You brag about how much walking around money you have, Luthor - but you aren’t wealthy enough to have a guy buying your drugs for you? Very hands on, but it seems like a character flaw not to know us men of means do zat. A man playing at being rich, tough and confident, but it’s probably just the oxy talking.
See you need drugs to survive the day to day grind. The damage you’ve done to your hands. Beating up muggers and drug dealers. Fessing up to being more of a one dimensional fighter zan a wrestler. You are very grounded.
Me? I have no interest in being grounded. My sights are beyond ze stratosphere.
You focus on our match, Luthor. I’m looking at ze bigger picture.
[Raising ledger.]
Zoran Sainovic: SWAT is a pretty big company. Based on production output, it might be as large as half the XHF network. We’re not hurting for money. So why am I slashing our budget? I’m looking at areas of expenses zat can be minimized to put on ze single greatest celebration in wrestling history.
When I win ze X*Crown?
Zousands of children joining hands singing peace on earth, ze guys who do ze Dubai New Years fireworks? Oh we’ll have zem! Formula 1 drivers doing synchronized donuts! Everyone in ze audience gets a car! A musical line-up to put ze Super Bowl halftime show to shame! I know all zose pop stars from my work on ze Fyre festival. If people talked about Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction, wait till zey get a load of Michael Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction! But even zat will be a drop in the ocean compared to my glorious victory! A human triangle big enough to send me to space! XHF May have teased a Supremacy in space, but SWAT is bringing ze stars! If I have to fire half our staff, SWAT will give me ze victory celebration my accomplishment deserves!
As I ascend to ze heavens, you keep yourself grounded Luthor, because earthbound is all you’ll ever be.
[Nodding as his point has been made, Zoran looks down in exasperation to find that SWAT owns its own defibrillator. The medical team is going to be the death of him. What do they think a wrestler’s life is worth? Black ink follows.]