Držanje (ZS RP 02)

[mosler]

*NOTE: Zoran speaks with a thick accent that makes TH sound like Z.  For the sake of readability, I have avoided making the change - but if anyone misses the flavour, I'll be happy to convert it.*

Zoran Sainovic

is

Držanje

[Even the best laid plans are not infallible.  A well argued case implying severe favouritism, made in an effort to shame governing bodies into handing over a championship on a silver platter, might still see members of an old boys society making outlandish predictions in public forums - oblivious to the clear bias they wear on their sleeves.  Have they no shame?  Are they that unaware?  Politics.  The fools have convinced themselves that they will survive, continuing to grow blissfully fat by blindly following the status quo.  Morons.  It should have been easy.  Plant the seed, kick back, and profit.  Yet if they are that self-deluded, then our protagonist might actually have to work to win.  He is the best wrestler involved, that was never in doubt.  If the contest was based on sheer athleticism, the winner would not be in question.  With four men in the ring, however, other variables must be factored in.  A person could be destroying Lio, only for Death Trap to steal the win, sneaking a pin on a helpless Maverick - already incapacitated by the commissioner.  It's a grim prospect.  So despite the perfect strategy, it is important to have contingency plans.]

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah..."



"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

[When faced with the prospect of defeat, even a slim chance, it is important to have backup plans.  As such, Zoran Sainovic is držanje.  The videographer pans around the office of the interim commissioner before coming to a rest on his couch.  Draped across the brown leather sofa, Sainovic has elevated his right foot on the arm rest, and appears to be in great pain.  When he notices the camera on him, Sainovic lets out another tormented yell, clearly looking for attention.]

"Aaaaaah."

[...but he keeps it short, so you'll all think he's tough and putting on a brave face.  Diabolical.]

*Ugh*

[Loud - clearly drawing attention to the hurt in his voice - sigh.  If you're to believe your eyes, Zoran Sainovic has suffered a career ending injury.  A two pronged attack.  Should he defeat the XHF old boys network, as embodied by Maverick, then he has done so in the face of adversity.  A one legged man inexplicably winning an ass kicking contest.  What an inspiration.  If Zoran is robbed, then it was only because he wasn't able to give his best... and should be given another shot immediately.  It's only fair.  Can you celebrate your supremacy knowing the tragic circumstances behind Zoran's hobbling?  ....That is, if he loses.  Which is a long shot, because the commissioner balanced the budget for the greatest celebration ever, and he plans to collect.]

Zoran Sainovic <shifting his weight>: Ouch, ouch, ouch. 

[The office door swings open as Zoran's caring, sweet, gentle, warm, devoted, downtrodden, doormat of a secretary, Rosemary enters.  The late thirties brunette almost trips on Zoran's bearskin rug in an effort to race him a bag of frozen peas.  Twisting her ankle, Rosemary's limp looks substantially less imaginary than Zoran's injury.]

Rosemary: Here you go sir.

Zoran Sainovic <aghast>: Without knocking?

Rosemary: I'm sorry sir, I was just trying to-

Zoran Sainovic: What is this G.U.N.S.?  We're in crisis mode, not savages.  I could have been in a very important meeting or cutting a promo about hunting Mikey Lio for sport.

Rosemary: I'm very sorry sir, I thought this would help with the pain and-

Zoran Sainovic: Let's try that again.

[You'd like to think that success has changed Zoran, but he's always been a domineering jerk.  Chalking this demeaning exercise in manners to the severe pain the poor man is experiencing, Rosemary exits - closing the door behind her.  Sitting up to rub his tender ankle, Zoran wishes he had that bag of frozen peas.]

#KNOCK#
#KNOCK#
#KNOCK#

[Its at this moment that Zoran curses the couch for not being closer to the desk.  He can't reach the intercom, and with a camera on him, wants to sell his woe as death.]

Zoran Sainovic: Enter.

[...]

#KNOCK#
#KNOCK#
#KNOCK#

[The hell.]

Zoran Sainovic: Come in.
















#KNOCK#
#KNOCK#
#KNOCK#

[For Christ's sake.  He's going to have to limp over to the desk.  Five feet.  It's depressingly far away, like the end of a Maverick promo.  Mustering the kind of nerve you'd expect from the next XHF X*Crown champion, Zoran tries to stand-up only for shooting pain to knock him back down.  Shaking uncontrollably, Zoran clenches his fists to avoid going into a verbal tirade featuring the rich language that proboards object too.]

Rosemary <poking her head through the door>: I'm sorry - did you hear me?

Zoran Sainovic <eyes closed, still shaking>: Ice.

Rosemary: Apparently the ice packs that medical keep on hand were cut out of the budget, so I bought Nelson's lunch.

[Snatching the bag from her hands, Zoran throws himself back, elevating the injured leg while holding the cold peas against it.]

Zoran Sainovic <admiring the impractical lunch>: Nelson's marriage is on the rocks. <snort> Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Rosemary, but with this blinding pain I can't even laugh off the antics of Death Trap.

Rosemary: I think Nelson's more concerned about saving money in case you declare him redundant.

Zoran Sainovic <am I that transparent grin>: He isn't wrong.

[The throbbing starts again.  Sainovic twists with this new wave of potentially manufactured discomfort.]

Zoran Sainovic: It's burning, stabbing, shooting, aching, tender, dull, intense, hot, and tingling all at the same time!  How is that even possible?!  I once had a man shove toothpicks under my eyelids, and that had NOTHING on this!  I was in a match where I missed the guardrail, ran head first into the steel steps - caught my lip on the curb, and tore the skin... straight down to my hip.  I'd give that a 7 out of 10; this is an 11.  I once had sex with Death Trap's mother, which is no doubt where he got the name from... the vice like grip of her sandpaper smooth thighs left me with no choice but to attempt suicide!  Really, anything to end that tawdry session!  Yet the foul cow just treated my attempts to swallow a shotgun as foreplay!  The horrors I saw that night are my personal Vietnam... still I consider plowing Death Trap's Mom a lesser torment to what I feel right now.

Rosemary <clearly uncomfortable with discussing her employer's sexual conquests, and potentially jealous of the fictional Death Trap mum that he ravished>: You removed the law firm that handled slander for SWAT in order to finance your cape buffalo hunt.

Zoran Sainovic: That licence is for a promo!  And it had to be Death Trap's Mom.  Who would lie about something like that?  I tell you, in the wrestling business there is a Death Trap's Mom in every town.

[The probably fake pain is so severe that any weight on the flesh is searing, and Zoran is forced to lift it a few inches about its couch arm perch.  He can do this without breaking a sweat because of his amazing conditioning.  He is sweating, but thats due to physical trauma and not poor physical shape.]

Zoran Sainovic: I know you women think child birth is painful, but really you have it SO EASY compared to this TORTURE!

Rosemary: I'm so sorry you're going through this sir.

Zoran Sainovic: Do we know how the deadly trap got here?  Probably planted by Maverick, when he realized I had his number!  Some X*Crown champ... he's suppose to be the best and brightest, lead by example.  I'm a leader.  I know leaders!  Maverick doesn't have what it takes.  Faced with the stiffest competition of his XHF career, what does he do?  Shoots five interviews, but rather than release them individually, has the production team edit them into an hour long documentary special.  The intent is clear.  Intimidate challengers with a labyrinthian trash talk session, so self-indulgently long that that they immediately lose heart at the prospect of keeping up.  "If this is what the X*Crown demands, who needs it?"  A petty move - hiding barbs so buried that we would have to fast forwards through twenty minutes just to get to the pertinent points we could rebuke.  Jokes on you, Maverick.  Two can play at that little game... and it seems that thanks to my unfortunate accident, I have a lot of time to sit around watching tired television.  The sad part is... if you had just had a staggered release of that interview, in five parts over the last two weeks - it would have gone a much farther way towards hyping the fans and promoting the event.  Putting a ploy over the drawing ability of a major show?  That makes you a SAD champion, Maverick. <shakes head in enthusiastic disgust, because he normally can't judge people this harshly> We'll have to do something about that.

Rosemary: I don't think Maverick is responsible for what happened.

Zoran Sainovic: Who else benefits from me only being 99% healthy in the title match?  Death Trap?  Too obvious.  He has TRAP in his name, <eyes narrow> and the perpetrator made the fatal mistake of leaving me alive.  Besides, DT has spent countless birthday wishes praying for me to be his stepfather.  No the cowardly culprit is Maverick, having devised the only way he can retain.  There can be no other suspects.

Rosemary: Actually there were a lot of children all over SWAT headquarters today.

Zoran Sainovic: What?  Why?  I was contemplating child labour to cut costs on apparel manufacturing, but should have been consulted before it was implemented.  I was thinking Burma, not here.

Rosemary: It was bring your child to work day.  A number of employees did so, sir.  Oliver was in here for ten minutes while I drew up those briefs you requested.

Zoran Sainovic <red>: Oliver?

Rosemary: My son.

Zoran Sainovic: I see.  On an unrelated note, how long would it take to get the secretarial pool to send us additional staff?

[Ouch.  An awkward silence falls over the room.  Perhaps his scheme of hiring a new secretary but suggesting it was an unrelated note was not as subtle as he suspected.  A ruse worthy of Maverick.  As the only person in the world who cares for him looks ready to cry, Zoran does the math in his head that it would take him at least 24 hours to train new staff.  Unsure he can use the bathroom without assistance, Zoran decides on a different tactic.]

Zoran Sainovic: Never mind, we don't have room in the budget to increase our secretarial pool.  I hope Oliver had a good time with you today.

Rosemary <still hurt, but trying to be pleasant>: He did, thank you.

[Reaching into his breast pocket, Zoran produces the object responsible for his pending doom.]

Zoran Sainovic <feigning familiarity>: Oliver seems like a very bright... boy?  I can't understand why he would have it.  Are you living in a rough neighbourhood, Rosemary?  If it's a question of money, I can get you a raise. <before she can take him up on the offer> I'll find room in the budget.  I can axe the guy whose wife was just diagnosed with MS... Bill?  I shudder to think why a boy as sweet as yours would be in possession of such a weapon.















[Stepping on lego.  Second only to sitting on keys, am I right?]

Rosemary: It's a toy.  Children play with them.

Zoran Sainovic: No! <looking deeply troubled> I don't understand.  It so sharp and deadly.  I may never walk again.  How do they not constantly maim themselves?  I've performed surgeries that required amputating genitalia to remove the barbs of the candiru fish... and they looked far less sinister than <holding up hulk> this!  I was concerned I would have to form a fellowship to throw this malevolent object into the volcano that spawned it.

Rosemary: There are plenty where that came from, sir.  Star Wars, Ninjas, Harry Potter, Minecraft... it is a good thing they're so pricey, or I'd be constantly tripping over them.

Zoran Sainovic <deeply upset by the thought of this weapon being on the streets, and more than a little hurt that Rosemary is claiming to have also suffered from a calamity that is so uniquely his>: Outrageous... someone needs to warn the people!  How many lives will be thrown away?!

Rosemary: They are very popular.

Zoran Sainovic <have I been living under a rock>: How could they possibly be seen as fun?  What do the children do with them?

Rosemary: They make things.

Zoran Sainovic: They made me into a cripple...

[Eyes tearing up, over a future in which his only Halloween costume choices are Stephen Hawking, Professor X or Corey Haim from Silver Bullet, Zoran looks at the hated figure.]

Zoran Sainovic: Looks like I have a lot of rehab in front me to guarantee that X*Crown victory.  I talked about Lio in the last one.  Called Maverick out on his bullshit here, and got to the heart of Death Trap's obvious daddy issues.  Is there anything else we should cover?

Rosemary <checking her notes>: There is the match stipulation.

Zoran Sainovic: Isn't it just a four way dance?  What other stipulation is there?

Rosemary <shaken>: Mr. Sainovic, it's...

Bald Attendant: It's a LEGO death match.

[The camera pans around the couch to find a dozen WW2 German officers standing at the ready, clearly uncomfortable giving this news to the Commish.  Sainovic stares down at the lego piece, deeply affected.  Raising his free hand up, twitching violently in fear and rage, he removes a pair of glasses that definitely weren't on his face before the camera moved.  Placing the glasses on a table in front of him, Sainovic stares coldly into space, his mind racing a mile a minute.]

Zoran Sainovic: The following men will stay... Keitel, Jordl, Kriebs and Burgdorf.

[The rest of the German troops race out the door, as Zoran goes full Hitler meme Bunker scene from Downfall on the subject of LEGO death matches.  The scene continues to play out like a transcript, as we fade to black...]













[...just kidding, the dip to black is immediately followed by another title.]

Zoran Sainovic

in

Najopasnija Igra

[The SWAT commissioner is clearly trying to undermine Maverick's presentation, by acting like multiple interviews have been crudely strung together.  This is a con.  It is very much in the exact same space as the previous thoughts, with the pathetic bastard still glued to his couch, due to a potential leg injury.  Probably a con as well.  In the time that has passed between set-ups, Rosemary has made the stuffy office look as much like a jungle adventure as throw pillows and house plants can make it.  Sainovic is decked out in a safari outfit, which he apparently keeps on the premises.]

Zoran Sainovic: Unlike my opponents - I have a day job.  Does that make me better?  Sure.  I contribute to society, and am clearly responsible. <chuckle> Relatively speaking. <smile fades> Sadly, having so many more responsibilities means I'm not as free to live the carefree childish existence as my opponents.  For instance, I spent a lot of SWAT's No Man's Land marketing budget securing a hunt for a Cape Buffalo.  Don't worry, <nods warmly> I've killed them before, but it would have made a nice background... still this will have to do...

[Rosemary drags in the frozen husk of a dead cow, procured from a local slaughterhouse.  It is amazing she's able to shift the weight at all.  Tipping it into the couch, and almost rolling it onto Zoran's allegedly sore foot, she quickly retreats out of frame.  Zoran apparently keeps an elephant rifle handy in his office, and is using it as a makeshift walking cane.  He may accidentally blow his own brains out yet.]

Zoran Sainovic: So for our purposes, this rotting bovine is the Cape Buffalo I was planning to hunt for sport... and SCENE!

[SCENE!]

Zoran Sainovic: Why do I push papers instead of enjoying the easy life of a wrestler?  Yet I still wrestle!  Why work two jobs?  I have a rather expensive hobby.  I like to hunt.  I have already got elephants, rhinoceroses, and leopards to my name.  A lion?  This I am looking forwards to...

lil' Mikey Lio.

<posing with gun> I've got you in my crosshairs.

You made a long speech of your lengthy history in the sport, which I commend.  Made me salivate for the hunt.  The only problem is... who are you bragging to?  I already recognized you as worthy prey.  And your fellow XHF proper flunkies?  If anyone should understand the danger you represent, it should be them.  They only recognize their limited hunting grounds, but consider you part of their turf.  You have a similarly limited scope.  When marking yourself as a trophy more valuable than Luthor Blake, <chuckle> good job on that by the way <smile fades> you brought up everyone's accomplishments.

Who had a world title.  Various histories with the X*Crown.

You made a note of my international title reign... but with limited research dismissed it as the secondary strap.

Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition used to be a hub, not unlike your XHF.  Hundreds of wrestlers.  Dozens of regions.  But unlike the XHF that lets riffraff like Maverick get near the X*Crown, SWAT USED to put serious time into selecting a world champion.  For a three year stretch they handed out spots in the big deciding encounter, it was insufferable - previous management, you understand.  Point is, during those dark days - the international title was the crown jewel of an empire that more than rivalled your own.  Every member of our many federations were gunning for it... and for me... at the time coming from the smallest territory, to score a title win - even the shortest?  Well that <clasps hands together with a malevolent smile> is politics.

Politics have always been kind to me.

The point is, Mikey.  You have placed a target on your head.  By immediately calling me out - you showed you had far more heart than Maverick.  The heart of a champion.  A hide worth putting on my mantle.

I am a lot more dangerous than I seem on paper.

I just like being hidden.

Stalking through the underbrush, observing my prey.  By the time you hear the shot, the bullet will have already pierced through your skull.  It will be quick.  It will be painless.  

Politics will secure my championship, but hunting a lion?  That's my game.

See you soon, Mikey.

[The hunter turns his elephant rifle to that malicious hulk hogan lego piece and blasts it into a million pieces... for him to step on.]

[Fade to black...]












[...psych!]

Zoran Sainovic
in
рањиви

[Night falls.]

[Snow blows in from a broken window.]

[It looks cold... but not cold enough to keep the cow carcass from oozing onto the floor.  The smell must be unbearable.  What broke the window?  Apparently the power of LEGO Hulkamania isn't strong enough to absorb the full buck from an elephant rifle.  Who knew?  The great hunter sits on his couch, leg still up in the air.  The only staff remaining at this time of night are security, and Zoran isn't sure he hasn't fired them all.  Even Rosemary has gone home to feed her brat.  The commissioner apparently can't move from his couch, so leans there, helpless.]

[The camera work no longer has the professional sheen of SWAT.  We are now seeing the shaky image of a GoPro Hero, handled by Zoran himself.  While not able to shift his body across the office to his desk for all the fake pain, Sainovic is able to rest the camera against a coffee table for a decent medium shot.  With his other hand, Sainovic holds a crude news paper open to the wanted section.]

Zoran Sainovic: For all my bluster, apparently I haven't promoted the event as much as Psychotic Goth did. <snort> This is coming from an X*Crown champion who only got on his work boots and high horse at zero hour.  For his Goth appreciation, apparently Maverick doesn't understand quality. <shakes head> But we already knew that.  I am not sure if its the random nature of the participants, but there sure does seem to be a lot of random posturing and GENERIC trash talk.  At least Luthor Blake makes roid rage a component of make-up.  Meanwhile every one of my opponents is simply the best, and god help anyone who gets in the way.  You're suppose to be the cream of the crop... where is the inventiveness?

<flinch> Forget creativity.  Let us go with the obvious.

When I have my phone transcribe my voice, it turns my accent into a - get this - Z.  Z sounds like Z, can you believe it?  So I try to send a text while driving... zzz... zzz... zzz... its like a cartoon sleeping!  How boring do you have to be for every other word to sound like you're snoring!  What a joke!  ZZZ!  USE IT!

SWAT wants to play in your sandbox.  They raise some pretty good points about how stacked the deck is a year after making the XHF its home.  Dismiss the complaint.  Tell me to prove it!  CALL ME ON TALKING BULL if you don't believe me!  But you believe me.  I can tell.  All the trash talk is so generic, so polite... you're all acting like goodwill ambassadors.  "This is our chance to make SWAT feel welcomed, you know, without handing them a belt."  Screw that!  Give me a belt, or tell me to drop dead.. this middle ground is intensely frustrating.  You're all putting your <points at his injury> best foot forwards... well LEARN something...

You want to be REAL champions?

Lead by example?

Be the best of us?

Learn how to be vulnerable.

[Zoran waves his hand at the couch he's making a home.]

Zoran Sainovic: I can barely move.  It is more than a little embarrassing.  You think that makes me LESS dangerous? <eyes narrow> Think again. <smirk> ...but maybe you need me to show more ass.

["HELP WANTED"]

Zoran Sainovic <holding up paper>: The guy who gave me my position in SWAT was just given the axe.  Someone new will come in, but will they still want me as the commissioner? <arching an eyebrow> How many gigs can I lose in a week.  So here I am evaluating my options. <broad smile> I bet you could have a field day mocking my job prospects.  Looks like politics aren't on my side.  How could I hope to win an XHF strap, when I could be on food stamps next week.  Yeah, kind of puts my whole position in question.  I'd run with that.  It is your best hope.

So dropping pretenses.  I'm clearly not the biggest SWAT supporter in the world... so why am I championing their cause for the crown?

Let's just say it helps my position in contract negotiations.

[Shifting, Zoran lays back down on the couch, looking to catch some shut eye.]

Zoran Sainovic: That is vulnerable.

Can you be brave enough to do the same?  Cruel enough to take advantage?  Shrewd enough to know the pitfalls that come with that revelation?  Paranoid enough to wonder why I'd cop to it all?

Mikey, Trap, Mav... you are faced with a raw nerve.

I hope you can get the job done...

...Or I'll find three men who can.

[Sainovic places the wanted section over his face like a sleep mask.  Arms tucked behind his head as a pillow, Zoran attempts to sleep like a man without a care in the world.  That should make you worried.]

[Fade to black...........]















[.........probably.]