Battleground 23 : Love Hurts (Show)

[Deleted]

Jeremy Tucker: Well up next fol--



"Something For You" by David Rolfe begins to play through the PA System as all the lights don a golden shade as the circulate around the stage area.

Jeremy Tucker: Wait... What is this?
Andrew Fulton: I think this could be...

DIRTY, SEXY, SLINKY THING
POWER OVER ALL WITH THE LOVE YOU BRING
SPINNING, FROM YOUR, MIND CONTROL
SHUFFLING AROUND THIS DEEP DEEP HOLE

That's when the man himself appears as he comes through the curtain, pausing at the top of the stage with a devilish smirk on his face whilst he looks out to the vast majority of fans in the building booing him. He just soaks it all in before making his way down to the ring. Hayden slides onto the ring apron and looks out to the crowd, flipping both middle fingers out to the many that boo him.

Andrew Fulton: Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Hayden Callahan. The Miracle of South London. He was only announced as the newest signing within the last twenty-four hours and already he's here!
Jeremy Tucker: I'm expecting words from him and if he's anything like how he's described himself as... He'll make sure not to have any friends made on his first night.

YOU ARE THE ONE
MAKES ME SCREAM AND SHOUT
I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!
I CAN'T COMPETE
WHY YOU STILL HOLDING OUT
I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU!

He enters the ring through the middle ropes and stands in the middle of the ring, a singular golden spotlight shining down on Hayden as one finger is raised and his head is lowered. Hayden looks back up at the heated crowd and just smiles as he pulls a microphone out of his pocket as the lights come back to normal and Hayden walks around the ring with the crowd continuing the loud boos.

Hayden Callahan: Syndicate Wrestling and Tradition, you have been fucking BLESSED with the GREATEST that's stepped foot into your ring for a long time! In case you don't know who the FUCK I am ... Let me introduce myself. My name is Hayden Callahan, I am the man they call THE Miracle of South London ... and I am the newest member to your roster.

The crowd continues to boo loudly to drown out any noise that Hayden makes.

Hayden Callahan: Isn't that a fucking shame, right? You've already got enough of me and I haven't even been in the ring for two minutes! That's all I need, that is all I need to know about how to keep you fat cunts in your seats! The more you boo me and hate me, the longer I'm going to be here! If you don't like that?

He pauses as he soaks in more of the crowd reaction.

Hayden Callahan: Then tough shit for you lot.

Once again, the crowd keep on ringing in the boos to Hayden.

Hayden Callahan: I was told yesterday to come to France, come to "The City of Love" and come into this ring as a... sort of debut for you people before my OFFICIAL debut in a few weeks.

Hayden looks around and shakes his head, very amused by the French audience's ignorance.

Hayden Callahan: Oh, don't you worry, I couldn't spend my first match in a REAL wrestling promotion in such a fucking dump like Paris ... I could have wrestled in any small town throughout the ENTIRE United Kingdom and still find a more respectable crowd like you pack of asswipes.

This causes the crowd's reaction to get even more louder than before.. Hayden just laughs at it all, he finds the whole ordeal to be very amusing. 

Hayden Callahan: So, let's get down to the nitty fuckin' gritty. There's a whole load of these fucks on the roster who think they're top shit, they're the best and of course, they all won't know who I am and if they mention my name and speak it without respect it deserves, they better be wishing to be kept alive. Let's see, off the top of my head right now, there's Anthony Caffrey who ... to me, doesn't seem to shut his fucking mouth. Guy's mouth is wider than a glory hole in any nightclub in London, for heaven's sake. Who else? I could mention the World Champion but it's become such a cliche that I really do not give the slightest of care to the man and the belt.

Again, Hayden begins to laugh at his own remarks.

Hayden Callahan: I'm trying to think off the top of my head but let's be real here, any member of your roster, SWAT ... They don't hold a torch to someone like me, they could NEVER come close to a man such as me, and if they want to try then I welcome them to be chewed up and spat out. I'm the real deal, I'm the man that now you need to fear. I'm someone who's been doing this since I was a little young boy working on corner shops just to get paid to get that training. I'm Hayden FUCKING Callahan and I'm going to give everyone a taste of real talent, unlike the amount of worthless shit you have laying around here.

Hayden says as he stretches his free arm out and circles slowly around the ring.

Hayden Callahan: You will find out soon that I'm not the type to wait for opportunity ... I fucking take what I'm owed. You give me what I want and everyone's safe, you don't and then I'll be taking heads, and I won't stop til I am given what's due. You've got something for me and that's gold and in return, I've got something for you, SWAT ... Real fucking talent. Something you've been lacking for a very, VERY long time.

Hayden drops the microphone as "Something For You" once again plays out for Hayden Callahan's departure from the ring, not even taking a glance back at the ring before stopping at the top of the ramp and then turning back to face the crowd that continues to boo him out of the building. Hayden smiles and then raises both middle fingers high into the air, dropping them and then turning back around as he leaves through the curtain.

[Timeless]

The scene opens up on a Blue Lamborghini speeding around the streets of Paris, it drifts around a corner and comes into view of the AccorHotels Arena. We look inside and we see Timeless and Roxylishus. Timeless has a blue silk Versace shirt on, mostly unbuttoned, his muscles ripped and oiled to perfection, Roxylishus is in a blue KGB boob tube, them giant norks are bursting out of the seems, get a load of them ‘eyefulls’.[/color

Timeless : Why the fuck am i facing Caffrey? It’s meant to be Hell in a Cell against Radu! What is going on here?

Roxylishus : (taking a selfie) Radu is not medically cleared it seems, after You and Zoran did him over and left him in the river, i don’t even know if he is alive.

Timeless : Typical. So now i have to give this blow heart a KGB slash SWAT initiation. (Timeless rolls his eyes and screeches into the underground car park)

Roxylishus : I’ve looked him up, at his constant insistence (she whispers) He is quite the big deal in the XHF.

Timeless : Let me tell You_SWAT_ And the entire XHF one thing. Big deals in the XHF are like some pub band Karaoke singers. WE are the big show in town. SWAT! You know why, because of ME! Timeless! And the K_G_B.

Roxylishus : I know that. Youuuu know that, but this cum stain, he really believes he is some second coming.

Timeless : Second coming? Second place more like it.

Roxylishus : He said he watched the War Games and ...

Timeless : (Timeless slow claps, taking his hands off the wheel as he pulls into a no standing zone next to some underground doorway.) He and the REST OF THE GOD DAMN WORLD! I started that match! Wrestled the whole WAR! Took out the entire Team SWAT, got the win for the KGB, then, completely spent, nothing left in the tank, went out there and put my body on the line AGAIN! For Joe! ME! No one else. Timeless! That’s what i do.

Roxylishus : What’s that? (she opens her door and steps out of the Lambo, you stare at the screen hoping for some sort of wardrobe malfunction, will it to happen, the cleavage is all you get, it is more than good enough and much > than any stupid wardrobe malfunction)

Timeless : Put my body on the line! Give everything i have! (he slams the door of the lambo down) Time after Time!

Roxylishus : (trying to change the subject, to her fav subject, herself) I made it onto Dancing with the Stars.

Timeless : I knew you would, well done.

Roxylishus : I am going to turn that show upside down.

Timeless : Good. I am going to do the same to Caffrey.

They head thru the doors and then thru a corridor, Warren W Webber is standing by there just adjacent to the Gorilla position with a mic in hand (extra points for using the word adjacent)

Warren W Webber : Timeless, a word please before your big match with Caffrey?

Timeless : Big match? (Timeless scoffs) You got to be kidding me. This jack off is a lamb to the slaughter tonight. Look at what is going on here. Every nobody in the world who signs a contract with SWAT is given a dream run into the place, we hold their hand to get them over and give them every opportunity to make it here. Matches with the Khans and the OZ’s, Benjamin Bolt, the whole enhancement talent pool. This cat wants to walk in here and proclaim he is above that, he just fucked himself, and the result?

Roxylishus : A match with the best of the best. Timeless Alex Turner.

Warren W Webber : I look it at kind of like AJ coming right into the main roster three years ago with no tenure in nxt required.

Timeless : Shut your stinking mouth! We don’t reference that World here!

Roxylishus : If you want to put it like that Webber, try this. The KGB, we ARE THE MAIN ROSTER! The rest of XHF, they are nxt.

Warren W Webber : Touché. Caffrey said you are going to say .......

Timeless (interuping) Is he a psychic now? We have seen that before you know Webber. Over and over and over.

Roxylishus : and OVER!

Warren W Webber : What have you seen?

Timeless : Fools trying to predict what someone will say, and saying it themselves, and then, they can’t say it, because they will say, i told you you was going to say that.

Roxylishus : Oldest trick in the book.

Warren W Webber : I guess ....

Timeless : You guess? What the hell are you even doing here? Do you have something to ask me the people want to know about or are you going to stand here stammering like Alex Withers?

Warren W Webber : Ok. What about Syberus?

Timeless : What about him?

Roxylishus : I think he dropped a few percents this round.

Warren W Webber : Well. He beat you, and instead of coming back for him, you went behind his back and got Zoran to put his title up for grabs in the Rumble.

Timeless : Correction Webber, MY title! That is my Technical belt that braggart is running around with.

Roxylishus : Once upon a Time Mr Webber, there was a great wrestler, one of the greatest in the history of the sport. A multiple time champion, everywhere he went, this man, he was the embodiment of the Society of the New Breed. We grew up watching him and idolising him, and .......

Warren W Webber : The Great Syberus.

Timeless : Fuck No~!

Roxylishus : He was to the Society back then what Timeless is right now to the KGB! Andrew Karnage. He was the best of the best. Then, some place, some where, some time ... he lost IT. His old goons, the rabble we see today as the New Society, they somehow coaxed him into making an ill fated comeback, he donned the Russian Assassin Mask, He helped Syberus defeat Timeless for the Technical Championship. That right there, was the end of him.

Warren W Webber : He clearly ....

Timeless : DOESNT BELONG IN TODAYS WRESTLING WORLD! He CLEARLY is past it! A shadow of him former self, clutching at straws to stay relevant with today’s SWAT! What did that get him?

Roxylishus : A trip over the top rope in the rumble courtesy of Sir Winsalot.

Warren W Webber : But he isn’t ready ......

Timeless : No one is ready for ME Webber! No ONE! Talk shit, get HIT! Play with fire, you get burned. His career is officially over. I see or even hear of him again and he will cop worse than a quick Royal Rumble exit, he will be in the ICU with Maddox.

Roxylishus : Next question? (this has become quite hostile)

Warren W Webber : Ok, i will go there, there are rumours there is dissention in the KGB? The Founder fell out with Mr Pesci but then you went to his aide anyway against Soutters wishes, and you have since made it clear this displeases you. What’s the go there?

Timeless : Look. Joe and I, we were family. He was the living embodiment of a Bandit. A Wet Bandit. A Sticky Bandit. A Kross Global Bandit. Now, he is finished in this business, forever. That doesn’t sit well with me.

Roxylishus : No one tells Timeless what to do! NO ONE! Earlier, on Suits Suite, Zoran and Soutter had it out, because Zoran had some weird concept in his head that the KGB will lay down for him, he said we don’t lay down for anyone .... But ... he laid down on Joe.

Warren W Webber : Wow! So what’s that mean? He is going soft?

Timeless : This interview is over Webber, as is Caffrey’s career at SWAT. There is two words that are most spoken before a fatality in this world. Watch this./ Well, there is a fatality about to occur, and it isn’t mine, so WATCH THIS!

[frostbite]

Back in the locker room...

We hear the dripping of water coming from the showers as it hits the tile however we see the Bruno standing a few feet from it as he has his hands up as someone is firing off rights and lefts into his large hands. Our camera pull back as we see a short blonde haired gentleman wearing a red and black tee shirt that simply says KGB on it. He has on long red and black tights with written in bright red letters going up and down both legs KGB, he has on black boots. The cameras zooms in on the intense look in his blue eyes as he fires off more and more shots right into Bruno hands as he just stands there like a statue taking those shots. We see that it is Frostbite.

Frostbite.. Bruno help me understand something, I know we are in France I get all of that, but can anybody speak English around here. I am so damn tired of having you hanging around me all day trying to interpret the piss poor language.

A LOUD CHORUS OF BOOS

Bruno looks at Frostbite as if he is about to beat his ass

Frostbite.. Please do not get me wrong big man, it is good hanging around you and catching up on old times.

Bruno shrugs his massive shoulders as Frostbite fires off more rights and lefts.

Frostbite.. These French think they are tough people and history proves they are not. These idiots did not want get involved in any of the World Wars because for whatever reason it might have been they did not want to get there hands dirty.

A LOUD CHORUS OF BOOS

Frostbite.. Listen to these morons out here right now, they know I speak the honest truth, but that cannot handle it. They say the truth hurts. Tonight there fellow countryman wants to get involved in some pillow fight. Maybe I should have you go out and get some pillows to prepare for my match later on, I could throw rights and lefts into that instead of your hands big man.

Frostbite spots throwing punches as Bruno puts down his hands.

Frostbite.. Really? A pillow fight. What is the world of wrestlimg coming to? I was talking to a backstage hand before I came into the locker room they were showing me on their phone that it had become a number one tweet all over the world. A pillow fight?

Bruno just shakes his head.

Frostbite.. Yes I know Voltron called it something else. Yes I know the man name is Zoran, but I like my name better. I bet that is what these assholes like doing name calling because they can not win a fight on there own.

A LOUD CHORUS OF BOOS

Frostbite.. The big kicker this guy really believes I am going to take a dive. Boy this guy does not me very well. He better brush up on watching some film of yours truly. Does this idiot, know the bloodbaths I have been in my career. And he wants to throw down in some pillow fight. By the way who died and left him matchmaker.

Frostbite drops his head.

Frostbite.. Another fine example of a champion hurting the title legacy. When did championships become some toy that you can just play around with. Whatever happen to honoring a title? This guy just wins the X crown and he is already bringing shame to it. I must do something about this. A championship sometimes makes the person and then the same can be true in reverse fashion. Tonight I am going to make that title someone it can be proud of after I win it.

Bruno shakes his head once again.

Frostbite.. I get it, he has a big advantage because this is type of match. He knows the rules since he is the general manager he can probably change it as we go along. It would almost seem that I will not win this match. If he had any brains, why not have an iron man match over the title, I would like that, it would have shown the world you actually care about the title. Nope a pillow fight is the best idea you can come up with.

Frostbite slowly raises his head.

Frostbite.. You listen to the network they are really getting up on this match. Does this guy have the budget for the match. Wrestling as really gone to hell? Whatever happen to the old days, a simply cage match, chain match, bullrope match, death match, matches that bring sweet nothing to my ears. But this is slap in the face to all that have come before us. I think big man, Zoran needs a reality check. Whatever cloud he is on right now, I need to pull him back down from a give me a friendly reminder what the KGB is all about, and just who in the hell he is trying to play games with.

Frostbite turns around and kicks a hole right into a locker.

Frostbite.. Only the French pussies can come up with this crap.

A LOUD CHORUS OF BOOS

Frostbite.. Zoran, I believe it is you that needs to take a dive and save yourself. You have a job around here focus on that, and not worried about this pillow fight. The title would be in excellent hands. Or maybe the network does not a lose cannon like Frostbite holding the title. Zoran, the title is going around the waist of a true champion. I hope you enjoy your little pillow match because it will be the last of its kind,because I am going to turn this match into a bloodbath.

Frostbite laughs..

Frostbite.. So do not worry my love, I am coming for you. And that mean old man, will no longer make a fool out of you. And that pillow, Zoran you are going to need it when I lay your head on it as you rest in peace.

Frostbite walks away with Bruno right behind him.

[SWAT Team]

[Orion - Eternity (Chillout Version) hits and Turner struts down the aisle, glaring at the crowd with contempt and disgust. Roxylishus stops to interact with one of the crowd, then wretches and turns away heading to the ring, she gets up on the apron and holds the ropes down for Turner.

Roxylishus grabs the mic and passes it to Turner.]

Timeless : I got passion in my pants and i ain’t afraid to show it.

Crowd : I’M, SEXY AND I KNOW IT!

Timeless : No (holding his hand up to block them) Your not! I (points to himself with his thumb) AM!

[Timeless drops the mic and saunters smugly around the ring impressed with himself.]

Frank Salazar : The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall. Introducing first, hailing from New Hope Minnesota. Coming in at 6’3 and 262 pounds .... accompanied by Roxylishus and representing the KGB .... TIMELESS ALEX TURNER!!!!

[The arena's lights go off and the fans immediately begin to boo at the top of their lungs as an intense violin song, “Roundtable Rival” by Lindsey Sterling starts to play. The man behind the music rises out of an opening in the floor, facing the back rather than the ring. The technician's tights read "SWAT Savior" on the back. His entrance is also heralded by a cloud of smoke forming behind him.

Caffrey turns to face his detractors and has his trademark sinister smile on his face. The arrogant superstar walks down to the ring, ignoring the fans screaming and jeering. He does not break eye contact with tonight's opponent as he walks with a laser focus -- at least until he makes it to the ring steps. He reaches down and taps his ankle before pointing at his opponent. He then makes a simple motion to mime breaking it in half as if his opponent's ankle was a simple wishbone.

Caffrey steps into the ring and moves past his opponent, handing his glasses off to the timekeeper. He looks back at his opponent and gives him one more sinister smile, ready for what his opponent has to offer.]

Frank Salazar : And introducing his opponent, hailing from the greatest city in the world Philadelphia, PA. Coming in at 6’4 and 223 pounds .... ANTHONY CAFFREY!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Big match feel here Andy. Caffrey’s singles debut with SWAT, against possibly our best in Timeless. This is what it’s all about.

Andrew Fulton : I’m torn Jerry, i love Timeless and the Bandits, but Caffrey is .... well .... he’s Caffrey.

Jeremy Tucker : Vick Mackey calls for the bell and we are underway. They approach the centre of the ring and Timeless chests Caffrey, and starts bad mouthing him, then he shoves him across the ring. Caffrey goes back to chest Timeless himself, but then gets a quick thumb to the eye.

Andrew Fulton : Timeless reels, he can’t see. Caffrey wails away with some punches, he snaps on each one with precision. Timeless is covering up, and then he hooks Caffrey and belly to belly suplex him.

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless stomps on Caffrey, but Caffrey is quick to his feet ... arm drag! Arm drag from Timeless.

Andrew Fulton : Caffrey back to his feet, and Timeless goes for a drop kick, but Caffrey blocks it, he had that scouted, and now he grabs the leg of Timeless and goes to work on it, a knee to the side and i don’t think the leg is meant to bend that way Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker : Caffrey then slams the ankle of Timeless into the mat, and drops a rolling knee onto the ankle.

Andrew Fulton : Roxylishus distracts Caffrey from the outside, swiping at him, and he tells her what he thinks of her, and Timeless hooks Caffrey around the waist and plants him with a devastating German suplex.

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless is the master of the suplex, and Roxy is the master of distraction, even a seasoned pro like Caffrey, he knew what she was doing but before he could stop himself, Timeless had him up and over.

Andrew Fulton : T BONE! Timeless plants Caffrey with a T bone!

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless stands over Caffrey now, posing, and taunting the crowd. Big mistake. Caffrey grabs him by the ankle, and flips him over .... THE PROCESS!!! Caffrey has Timeless in the Process ankle lock already!

Andrew Fulton : Wow! Timeless is flailing, panicking even.

Jeremy Tucker : He reaches for the ropes and Caffrey pulls him away from them and Timeless rolls quickly and grabs the ropes on the other side of the ring, Mackey in there calling for the break.

Andrew Fulton : Caffrey isn’t breaking the hold Jerry! He is holding on and even with Timeless grabbing the rope, he goes down and grapevines the leg and screams TAP!

Jeremy Tucker : He is in the ropes! Mackey yelling at Caffrey to break and he is pretending he can’t understand him, Mackey has had enough and starts a count, Caffrey waits till the last possible moment and breaks on a long 4.

Andrew Fulton : So smart. Timeless clutching at his ankle, Mackey laying the law down to Caffrey and Caffrey brushes past him ignoring him, Timeless tries to get a vertical base but is wonky on that ankle, and Caffrey with a big clothesline sends him back down.

Jeremy Tucker : Caffrey slides outside the ring, grabs the leg of Timeless and pulls it out under the rope and slams that ankle down hard on the ring apron. We are seeing the XHF’s best two technicians here going at it, but technicians of complete polars, Timeless loves to suplex a man all over the ring, and hit the flashy arm drags and drop kicks.

Andrew Fulton : Caffrey loves to go to a part of the body, and work it over!

Jeremy Tucker : And he is doing just that.

Andrew Fulton : Roxylishus runs at Caffrey and launches jumping on his back and clawing at his eyes with those nails. The lucky bastard!

Jeremy Tucker : You are a sick man Andy. Caffrey flings Roxy off over his shoulder and she lands in a heap. Caffrey snarls down at her and WHAM! Timeless baseball slide drop kicks him thru the ropes.

Andrew Fulton : Get her out of here ref! Wait. I can’t believe i just said that.

Jeremy Tucker : You poor sap, you don’t know which way is up or down right here.

Andrew Fulton : Yes i do, which ever Caffrey says it is is.

Jeremy Tucker : Exploder suplex from Timeless and Caffrey crashes into the safety railing. Timeless then rams his head into it busting him open, Mackey is admonishing Roxylishus, but she is turning on the Siren Charm, and now he is helping her to her feet. Come on Mackey! Don’t look into the eyes of the Siren!

Andrew Fulton : Believe me Jerry, with them funbags, NO ONE looks into her EYES!

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless stomps on Caffrey, then winces as it hurt his bad ankle, he rolls it around trying to fix it, then rolls Caffrey back into the ring.

Andrew Fulton : Timeless slides into the ring, rears back and wallops Caffrey with a BIG right hand punch!

Jeremy Tucker : His metal hand! Caffrey said he likes being punched in the head and Timeless is more than happy to accommodate him here.

Andrew Fulton : I don’t think he necessarily said he ‘likes’ it Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless must have selective hearing then, cause he just reared back and walloped him with another! Mackey still on the outside making love eyes with Roxylishus, Timeless with a big Fisherman bomb, he then locks an Indian Death lock on Caffrey.

Andrew Fulton : He is going to take out the master of submission with a submission of his own! I love it.

Jeremy Tucker : I thought you were leaning towards Caffrey.

Andrew Fulton : I was, but now Timeless is winning, truthfully, i love them both, so, it’s a win win whatever happens. (evil laughs by Fulton)

Jeremy Tucker : Reversal!! Caffrey reverses the hold and locks on an abdominal stretch.

Andrew Fulton : Timeless hip tosses him out of it but Caffrey rolls with the hip toss and grabs the ankle and goes for the Process again, but Timeless high tails it away from there in a flash.

Jeremy Tucker : What a battle. WHAM! Open hand slap to the face by Caffrey. Timeless fumes and Caffrey delivers a European uppercut.

Andrew Fulton : Side headlock by Caffrey, he is getting in the ear of Timeless, really getting under his skin. Timeless hoists him up but Caffrey maintains the headlock and hits a bulldog.

Jeremy Tucker : CLOSING REMARKS!!! Caffrey with a bullhammer elbow!

Andrew Fulton : Timeless is on dream street. Camel clutch. Caffrey locking on the camel clutch. He has it in tight too. He is a true master of submissions.

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless is out of it, he isn’t even struggling, that elbow may have concussed him. Mackey checking on him, and Roxylishus jumps up on the apron and calls Mackey over, and look at this guy, she has him wrapped around her little finger.

Andrew Fulton : Caffrey is yelling at him to call for the bell, Timeless is starting to come too, and he is now powering his way to his feet out of the camel clutch. He is a true beast of man, look at him Jerry!

Jeremy Tucker : He is a machine. He gets to a knee, and Caffrey is sort of stuck there on his back and Timeless powers to his feet .... eye rake! Caffrey rakes the eyes of Timeless and he goes back down.

Andrew Fulton : Caffrey whips Timeless into the corner, then he slides out of the ring, and locks in the figure four around the ring post.

Jeremy Tucker : Soft Pretzel! Roxylishus is yelling now at Mackey to break the hold and he races over to Caffrey and yells for him to break it, again, Caffrey ignores him.

Andrew Fulton : OH MY GOD! RUNNING BRONCO BUSTER BY ROXYLISHUS TO CAFFREY ON THE OUTSIDE!!!

Jeremy Tucker : He was prone holding onto that soft pretzel and Roxylishus just gave him a face full of stuff.

Andrew Fulton : Look at Mackey. He is drooling nearly.

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless grabs Caffrey by the hair and hoists him up onto the apron, then snap suplexes him back into the ring.

Andrew Fulton : Roxylishus rolls into the ring also and Timeless delivers a Falcon Arrow!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Roxylishus moves over and stands over a prone Caffrey, he is out of it and she hovers over his face and then theatrically pulls her panties down from under her dress. She girates and flings them at Mackey who is starring on in awe. He can’t move and the panties are resting on his shoulder where they landed.

Andrew Fulton : SPLIT SPLASH!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : She nailed it!

Andrew Fulton : I need a smoke. (lights one up).

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless with the Turn me loose!!!! ( lifts up for a belly to back suplex on your shoulder, then drop down into a sit out like wheel barrow face buster)

Andrew Fulton : Timeless lifts Caffrey up for a powerbomb, Caffrey rolls over and turns it into a sunset flip ..............

Jeremy Tucker : One ........................

Two ............................. feet up on the ropes by Caffrey!

THREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew Fulton : He got him! Caffrey defeated Timeless!

Jeremy Tucker : Roxylishus up in the ring yelling at Mackey that he had his feet on the ropes, and Caffrey grabs her and locks on an ankle lock on her! He is about to snap the ankle and Timeless comes for him but Caffrey sees him and rolls out of the ring.

[Roundtable Rival - Lindsey Stirling hits and Caffrey raises his arm in victory, Timeless and Roxylishus protesting with Mackey, who turns his back on them, and we see him pushing the panties into his pocket.]

Andrew Fulton : What a win to Caffrey!

Frank Salazar :Winner of the match ..... ANTHONY CAFFREY!!!!

[King Syberus]

[ 110% Syberus. ]



Syberus: Oh look, Trent Jones showed up. Does anyone give a fuck? No. Trent, save us all the valuable seconds of our lives and keep your mouth zipped. This match is about me and Eddie D, you're an absolute non contributor to this situation, I'm sorry to say it. Well that's not entirely true, for me to be sorry you'd have to evoke even the slightest emotion from me and you just... well... don't.



I don't think you do from anybody to be honest.

[ Syberus looks around at everybody to check, everybody in the whole world, and everyone just shrugs or stares in vacant apathy. ]



Everyone: Who're we talking about again?



110% Syberus: You see? Now crack yourself open a cool JonFoods® BrunchBeer©, nail a pack of Breakfast Pizza©, and leave the SWAT International Championship match to me and big stupid fat face Eddie while you weep over your tragic existence.



Sure you stumbled your way into a title match you have no right to be a part of, in one way I should thank you because it's only your kind intervention that kept this (he slaps the centre plate of the SWAT International title around his waist) right where it is in the rumble, but at what cost Trent? At what cost?



You being involved, that's the cost. Me hearing your whiney pissant voice that's the cost. Your garbage self made bio-pic getting more traction than it ever could because you have a brief encounter with the greatest wrestler to ever lace a pair of boots that's the cost.



And look at Eddie, Trent. Look at the man! That's a challenger right there. He's a monster! He's an entrepreneur! And now that he has Greg in his ear, he's got sound advice behind him. God, Greg is awesome.



“Monsieur Dropkick” Jonnie Valentine, who's also there: Isn't Greg the best?



110% Syberus: Paris might come too soon for big fat Eddie Trent but I have a feeling this won't be the last time Eddie D and 110% Syberus trade blows in that ring. We have more battles to fight, battles that you won't be a part of, because while Eddie is about to blossom like a virginous flower, you're about to be Pure Confidence'd into oblivion and sent back down to Timeless Alex Turner. He's your problem now.



[ Syberus smiles because he's switched his attention from wasting his life talking about Trent Jones and is about to talk about Eddie D more, though you don't know that yet, as he hasn't continued. Act surprised. ]



110% Syberus: Well Eddie now that's out the way, congratulations on quite the coup in getting what is literally the greatest PR assistant in history to switch to your corner.



Andreas: Hey I'm standeen right here baby.



110% Syberus: Andreas, you aren't a PR assistant. You are a permanently shirtless, constantly baby-oiled homosexual stereotype cocktail waiter.



Andreas: Dat's true.



[ Andreas bends down with a tray to serve Syberus his traditional pre-match sangria and winks at Jonnie. ]



110% Syberus: Eddie, you might be the giantest man in SWAT- but your wrestling career is in it's infancy. Compared to you I'm a galactic ancient – I've strode across the plains of this world battling legendary titans. You've got a lot to learn from me but like I said, I'm willing to educate. Look at Anthony Caffrey. Just look how fucking awful that guy is. Do you want to be like that? No you don't.

You've got a drive to succeed within you that others don't Eddie. You've got a drive to perfect your flaws and become better than you are. You aren't content to wallow in the mediocrity you're steeped in today. That gives you the edge and it gives you my respect.



But that's not going to stop me from turning you into a picasso to keep my belt. I'm the gr- I'm 110% Syberus! The highest percenter in SWAT. The International Champion.

[ Jonnie strays into the shot just holding a JonFoods® Midnight Baguette© to the camera and smiling. Syberus just sort of continues around him. ]



110% Syberus: You might know a thing or two about running respectable titty bars but I'm your wrestling superior in every way, Eddie. Paris might yet be a watershed moment – the moment the disparity becomes abundantly clear to you. And I'm really hoping it does, because the Society of the New Breed can't hold this fucking place together all by ourselves forever.



We're the thin line of quality against the darkest of nights, Eddie. Bracing ourselves against the likes of Caffrey and Kosloff and what's his face and the other guy. I'm not offering you a place in the Society, Edward. But like General Bethlehem said in the classic movie, the Postman, "Great men were made by other great men. Patton had Rommel, Grant had Lee, I get stuck with you."



Jonnie Valentine: Chills.

110% Syberus: Step into my ring and give me everything you've got, Eddie. I want you at your best! I want to see the rage in your eyes slowly flicker into embers every time I counter your moves, land on my feet, raise my shoulder off the canvas when lesser men would be dead. 



This is about enlightenment. Understanding. Paris is your great awakening – the moment you grasp what level you're dealing with.



Maybe you'll even ask yourself whether you can ever truly get there.



I think you can.



But not tonight.



[ Fade. ]

[anthonycaffrey]

"...you know what? I’m not done!"

A defiant Anthony Caffrey marches back out onto the stage, much to the crowd's chagrin. Sweat covers his body after his exhausting match with Timeless.

"I'm not done here. I told you all I would come here and make an impact, and I did. I told you all I was the Tower, and here I am, standing tall."

Once again, the crowd shows Caffrey exactly how much they appreciate him with a chorus of boos.

"Like I said to begin the year, I’m still undefeated this year! Place your bets on me beating whatever sucker comes next!"

A cacophany of jeers and boos nearly drown out Caffrey, who simply smirks and holds his hands out, as if addressing his followers.

"You all shut your mouths and listen to Greatness when he graces you with his presence!"

This, of course, does nothing to quiet down the crowd. Caffrey is impressed by their volume and fervor, even taking a step back to admire it.

"As I was saying... I've already proven where I deserve to be, and it's at the top. I'm the one who took down Syberus. I'm the one that took six goddamn men to eliminate from that Rumble. Everyone in SWAT knows they're on borrowed time! Just delaying the inevitable. The entire locker room back there should heed this warning."

Caffrey looks quite proud of himself, as he clearly buys the shit he's selling to the crowd.

"Nobody can stop me. Not a single man on the roster. Not Jonnie, not Jones, not the KGB, and certainly not Mai Tai. Not a single soul in SWAT can stop me, nobody in AXW could stop me... hell, there's not a person in the entire XHF network that can stop the inevitable! The reign to end all reigns is coming. You should all just--"

Caffrey is cut off when a man in a hooded sweatshirt jumps the barricade and slides into the ring behind him, clubbing him in the back of the head. Caffrey drops the microphone and hits the mat, caught off-guard and completely confused.

[Seth Dillinger]

The man behind Caffrey stares down at him for a moment, heaving slowly, before ripping back the hood to reveal--

Andrew Fulton: Is that...
Jeremy Tucker: Seth Dillinger!?

Sure enough, standing in the SWAT ring is none other than the current AWF Prestige Champion, Seth Dillinger. For fans of AWF, they'll notice Seth doesn't seem to be his usual smiling, cocky self. His face is cold and dead, but his eyes are swimming with rage, like a bull that's seen red for the first time.

Andrew Fulton: What's he doing here?
Jeremy Tucker: Looks like he's had enough of Caffrey running off his mouth.

Caffrey rolls over and sees Seth staring down at him and mouths, "What the fuck?" at him. Caff starts to scramble back up to his feet but Seth leaps on him like a crazed hyena and just stars wailing on him. One hit after the other lands. The crowd is losing it at watching Caffrey get his mouth shut for him. Seth picks him up off the mat and hits him with a snap DDT that flips Caffrey onto his stomach. Caffrey crawls towards the ropes

Andrew Fulton: Is nobody going to help him? This attack is unprovoked!
Jeremy Tucker: I don't think Anthony has made many friends backstage here at SWAT. He just put the entire locker room on notice.

Caffrey finally manages to push himself away from Seth's onslaught, dragging himself to the ropes and catching his breath, dangling on the bottom rope. Seth sees this and his eyes narrow as he bounces off the opposite ropes, runs at Caffrey, swings around, and plants both feet into his face with the 205! Caffrey flops back onto his side from the impact and Seth glances up at the corner post, quickly ascending. He stares down at Caffrey and steadies himself, ready to catch his balance for the Acid Rain... but Caffrey rolls far away and slides out of the ring to recover from the impact.

Andrew Fulton: Caffrey's trying to put some distance between himself and Seth.

Caffrey is still shell-shocked from the attack and quickly scrams to his feet, but Seth Dillinger is ready for him and steps outside to the apron and bounces off the ropes, springboarding over the top rope, crashing down on Caffrey with a springboard crossbody! Caffrey hits the mat as Dillinger is quickly back up, scrambling to the apron again.

Jeremy Tucker: Seth Dillinger is unleashed!

Caffrey shakes out the cobwebs and goes to stand up... and Dillinger runs along the apron, leaping off and wrapping his legs around Caffrey's head as he stands up, taking him down with a hurricanrana from the apron! Caffrey flips and lands hard on the ringside floor. Seth Dillinger stalks back over around the ring and approaches someone in the front row, motioning at them. That person stands up and hands Seth Dillinger their chair!

Andrew Fulton: Oh boy...
Jeremy Tucker: What has gotten into this man!?

Seth folds the chair up and taps it on the ground twice, stalking towards Caffrey. He drags the chair along behind him on the ground, menacingly. His face is still blank and dead as he stalks towards Caffrey. Sensing danger and knowing when to get the hell out of dodge, Caffrey pushes up to his feet and stumbles up the ramp, only briefly tripping up and falling to his hands and knees before high-tailing it out of there. Seth is left standing at ringside with a chair in hand, glaring up the ramp the direction Caffrey ran.

Andrew Fulton: Caffrey got away, just in time, too.

Seth stands there for a moment, thinking about what to do next. He turns back and walks over to the crowd and hands the woman her chair back, and audibly tells her "Thank You" before climbing over the barrier himself and disappearing into the crowd.

Andrew Fulton: That was... unexpected.
Jeremy Tucker: At least he was polite enough to return the chair!
Andrew Fulton: Is this a sign of things to come? Is Seth Dillinger coming to SWAT?
Jeremy Tucker: By the looks of things... he's coming after Caffrey, wherever he is!

[SWAT Team]

The arena lights go out as static is heard on the screen. Then an explosion at the entrance goes off and a dark blue spot light shines on the stage as White Trash Renegade starts playing throughout the arena. Trent Jones steps out wearing black cargo pants and a White Tank top that says Mr Bones on it. Trent is wearing black MMA style gloves and he has on a black hat that says Killin It. As he walks slowly to the ring he stretches his neck and shoulders and talks shit to the fans as he make his way to the ring.

Frank Salazar :The following contest is for the International Championship, and is a LADDER MATCH!!! Introducing first, hailing from No Mad, has always been on the road. Coming in at 6’6 and 354 pounds ... MR BONES ... TRENT JONES!!!!!

Eddie D Walks out with a black and white montage video playing on the screens of him weight training and hitting his favourite moves on people, flashing up in negative to the beat of the music. He regularly threatens rude fans, tears up opponents fan posters, and has vicious one liner for an "ugly" fan, he walks confidently and slowly to the ring. Raises his hands to accept the praise he feels he is due, but just gets boos.

Frank Salazar :Introducing his opponent, hailing from Vernon, California, USA. Coming in at 6’ and 303 pounds .... THE BIG DEAL .... EDDIE D!!!!!

"Two Notes Shy Of An Octave" by Red City Radio kicks off and the crowd pops, Syberus doesn't leave them waiting long though and pushes his way out from the curtain. He takes a second to look around at the audience on the stage before pumping his fist in the air with a "YEAH!!" and swaggering his way down to the ring, high fiving a few fans on his way. He wears a black sleeveless wrestling robe with "The Society of the New Breed" embroidered on the back.

Syberus rolls into the ring and pops up on a turnbuckle, pumping his fist with another "YEAH!!"

Syberus hands his International Title to referee Vick Mackey and Mackey attaches it to the wire and then the wire raises up in the air taking the belt with it.

Jeremy Tucker : This match is now a ladder match folks, due to the strange circumstances leading us to this match, with the belt being on the line for anyone who eliminated Syberus in the rumble, and two people together eliminating him, so now, it’s going up in the air, and whoever can get it, owns it.

Andrew Fulton : Look at Mackey, he has that bulge in his pocket from last match, Roxylishus’ panties crammed in there. He is a panty snatcher Jerry!

Jeremy Tucker : You are just jealous he has them and not you.

Andrew Fulton : Guilty.

Jeremy Tucker : Trent runs at Syb with a big clothesline attempt, Syb ducks it and Trent clobbers Eddie. Eddie glares at Trent and then swings at him, a huge roundhouse right, Trent blocks it, and headbutts Eddie.

Andrew Fulton : Eddie grins at the headbutt and responds with one of his own to Trent, which Jones no sells. These two brutes are going to kill each other! Syberus watching on, encouraging both men to destroy each other. They stare at Syb, then at each other, then back at Syb and both double clothesline the 110% percenter.

Jeremy Tucker : Trent rolls out of the ring then and Eddie D grabs Syb and plants him with a gut buster.

Andrew Fulton : Eddie D whips Syberus to the ropes and Syb ducks another clothesline, runs towards the ropes and baseball slide drop kicks a ladder that Trent had grabbed and was bringing into the ring right into the face of Mr Bones.

Jeremy Tucker : BIG leg drop by Eddie D on Syb. Eddie then tosses Syb into the turnbuckle like a rag doll and starts choking him out with his boot right on the throat of Syb.

Andrew Fulton : Syb counters out of the choke with an elbow to the inside of Eddies knee. Syb then Judo hip tosses Eddie right up over the top ropes and he lands ontop of Trent Jones and the ladder.

Jeremy Tucker : Jones is squashed under there, Syb a master of leverage and got the big 300 pounder right up over the top rope.

Andrew Fulton : Jones is fuming, and he throws Eddie and the ladder off him, gets to his feet, picks up the ladder and throws it down ontop of Eddie D.

Jeremy Tucker : Trent heads up the apron, and Syb with a well placed shoulder thru the ropes to the mid section of Trent and then he snap mares him over the ropes into the ring.

Andrew Fulton : Syb with a Russian Leg Sweep on Jones. Eddie makes it to his feet and throws the ladder into the ring. He makes his way into the ring, grabs the ladder and runs thru both Syb and Trent with it.

Jeremy Tucker : Eddie D then with a spine buster on Syb right onto the ladder.

Andrew Fulton : WHAM! Eddie just got waylaid by Jones as he got up from the spine buster and Jones caught him flush with a big boot. Go Mr Bones!

Jeremy Tucker : Jones grabs Syb now with the ladder under them ... PILEDRIVER! Skull first onto the ladder! Eddie now catches Trent and scoop slams him, ontop of both Syb and the ladder.

Andrew Fulton : Trent Jones wit a devastating spinning powerbomb on Syb.

Jeremy Tucker : Jones grabs Eddie and double arm DDT’s him into the mat. Jones tires to climb the ladder.

Andrew Fulton : Eddie then with a Belly to back suplex on Jones.

Jeremy Tucker : Eddie grabs the ladder and sets it up, he thinks its time.

Andrew Fulton : Is it even going to hold him?

Jeremy Tucker : Let’s find out. He gets half way up, it looks like it’s pretty sturdy. Syb and Jones back up to their feet quickly and both together push the ladder over and Eddie hot shots it onto the top rope throat first, the ropes come right down with his weight and almost snap, then he slings back quickly the back of his head right into the ladder. Ouch.

Andrew Fulton : Roaring elbow from Syb to Trent, and this is getting frantic here.

Jeremy Tucker : Syb with a fist drop to Jones. Eddie is holding the back of his skull, and Syb charges him and punts his head!

Andrew Fulton : GOAL!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Syb now in control here, he grabs the ladder and starts spinning it around with his head in the middle and he knocks Jones down with it, then Eddie makes it back to his feet groggily and he to gets taken out by the Syb ladder helicopter.

Andrew Fulton : Think it will take off Jerry and fly him up to the belt?

Jeremy Tucker : (ignoring Fulton) Syb sets up the ladder, then goes outside the ring, and starts looking under the ring.

Andrew Fulton : Jones and Eddie both slowly get to their feet and see the ladder set up and both start climbing, a side each.

Jeremy Tucker : They reach the top first and start clubbing each other with crushing lefts.

Andrew Fulton : Huge left hand punch from Trent Jones to Eddie. Eddie rocks, then WHAM, a crazy left hand punch of his own.

Jeremy Tucker : Syb slides another ladder into the ring, it’s a bigger one and he starts setting it up.

Andrew Fulton : Trent Jones and Eddie don’t notice, they are now embroiled in a huge punch off.

Jeremy Tucker : Trent Jones rams the head of Eddie into the top of the ladder, and Eddie teeters, but doesn’t go down!

Andrew Fulton : Eddie grabs the head of Trent Jones and rams HIS head into the top of the ladder!

Jeremy Tucker : Trent Jones now teeters but he too manages to stay up the top there.

Andrew Fulton : Syb looks at the two behemoths, and we can all see the cartoon stars circling their heads and he reaches his foot across, and nudges the ladder of Jones and Eddie over. It tilts across and TIMBER! Down they go!

Jeremy Tucker : Syb points to his head, reaches across and grabs the International title and rips it off the wire holding it up! Syberus wins! 110% SYBERUS IS STILL THE INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION!!!!

Andrew Fulton : Damn it! I was hoping these brutes were going to squash him like a bug!

Jeremy Tucker : Not tonight Andy.

"Two Notes Shy Of An Octave" by Red City Radio hits and Syberus holds the belt high in the air, Trent Jones and Eddie D laying on the outside of the ring looking up in dismay.

Frank Salazar :WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND STILL SWAT INTERNATIONAL CHAMPION ..... 110% SYBERUS!!!!

[King Syberus]

[ We open backstage on 110% Syberus being helped by Rally Jackson and Jonnie Valentine back to the locker room, clutching the International title belt. Syberus is clearly staggering and unable to stand under his own power now that the adrenaline of the match has worn off. ]

110% Syberus: See Eddie?! SEE?! I TOLD you that I'd win the match and look what I did – I won the match! Are you proud of me Eddie?? I did it for you!

Rally Jackson: I think he's concussed.

Jonnie Valentine: Oh yeah.

110% Syberus: Eddie I did it! I won the great victory we both wanted! Now we can be happy together forever!

[ Syberus' legs buckle under him again and Jonnie and Rally have to brace him. He never drops the belt though of course. ]

Jonnie Valentine: Maybe we should shut the cameras off for now... I know you survived a piledriver onto a ladder but...

Rally Jackson: You still took a piledriver onto a ladder.

Jonnie Valentine: Right.

110% Syberus: I'm fine guys, really, I'm fine. I just want to say a few thank yous. I want to say thank you to “Timeless” Alex Turner for always believing in me. I want to say thank you to whoever it was that beat the shit out of Anthony Caffery because we all got a laugh at that. And most of all I want to say thank you to my best friend Eddie D for being there front row to watch me beat Eddie D.

[ Rally looks over at Jonnie. ]

Rally Jackson: Really we don't even make the list?

Jonnie Valentine: Eh, he could have died. Let him off.

110% Syberus: Eddie let's go out to celebrate! Let's all go over to Eddie's strip joint in Bakersfield or Wilmington or wherever and make a night of it! Haha! YEAH!!

[ Syberus pumps his fits and breaks loose of the Society's arms, immediately collapsing into a catering table and falling asleep in the wreckage. ]

Rally Jackson: Wait shouldn't we wake him if he's concussed?

Jonnie Valentine: Let him dream.

[ They walk off leaving Syberus clutching the International title belt like a security blanket and snoring. ]

[eddied]

 
(Eddie rolls out of the ring holding his back, nose blooded from the last blows of the match, he picks up a microphone from the commentary desk and hollers up the aisle hoping that the speakers in the backstage carry the message to Syberus. Eddie is out of breath but slowly recovering.)

EDDIE: Hey Champ?! Hey 110%?! Before you’re dragged out of here like the broken champion you are… You 10% deserved that victory and 100% deserve another big punch in that sanctimonious Brit kisser of yours.
See a doctor for God’s sake I think I put a permanent dent in that gnarled veteran head of yours.
The New Breed, The KGB and all the other jokers in the back can stay out of the Double D Club tonight, at least until I find my feet around here. I don’t need turf wars in my establishment.

Thanks for the kind and sarcasm dowsed compliments earlier. You can blow smoke up Valentine’s arse all day, he seems to love it, but I’ll pick myself up and we’ll meet again, once you’re cleared to wrestle.

Enjoy your victory. You proved that you can dance up a ladder quicker than me. We could have made that call over a beer and spared us both some bruises.

Enjoy that sweet, sweet concussion nausea and migraine you're about to start feeling. You’re very welcome.

And as for you Trent Jones that’s twice you cost me a title in this place. Once at the Rumble, involving yourself as I ejected Syberus fair and square and now being a gigantic pain in the arse distraction in this crazy gimmick match! Twice is too many. There WON’T BE a third time!!

You’re good, but you’re not this good.
(Eddie flexes his biceps for the crowd and gets a host of boos in reaction. Trent is nursing his ribs, resting on the turnbuckles overlooking Eddie, looking down on Eddie spout on, seemingly unimpressed. Eddie looks Trent in the eyes just feet away as he continues).

Making a comeback from that collision under the ladder down here, a collision that should by rights have broken your BONES… Well, you went up in my estimations. A little.
Thing is the SWAT world need to see who would win in a straight up fight. Just you and me. No belt distraction. No third party. Just one pin fall takes the spoils.

So once you’re over the regret of losing along side me here tonight, the coulda, shoulda, wouldas will make you wince for a day or two out of the blue, but just take solace in the fact there will be a chance to redeem yourself and face the biggest deal in SWAT at the next event. THE Big Deal Eddie D will be there and there will be a bloody reckoning for you getting involved with my business!

Now show your appreciation for the two men walking out of here unaided. Paris France?! We put on a hell of a god damned show.
Now prove to me that you're not the stinky, rude, arrogant Frenchmen and women that my Grandpappy called you out to be.

(The crowd boo and start a "Heavy D" ('E-vy D) chant, Eddie was going to say something more, but just tosses the microphone hard and high out into the crowd in anger and kicks the ring steps. Eddie angrily walks backwards up the ramp with his eyes fixed threateningly on Trent Jones, occasionally gesturing to backhand slap members of the crowd at the guard rail for jeering him.)



 

[SWAT Team]

”Ladies and Gentlemen” by Saliva begins playing as Tarrasque walks out from the back. He paces the entrance stage like a caged animal, growling as the fans boo at him. He stops and flexes his arms with a loud roar, silencing nearby fans before he heads down to the ring.

Frank Salazar : The following contest is for the SWAT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP and is scheduled for ONE fall. Introducing first, hailing from parts unknown, coming in at 6’7 and 375 pounds .... TARRASQUE!!!!

"My Heart Beats With People" by Jonnie Valentine hits and jonnie comes out dressed in a red tasseled jacket with "Monsieur Dropkick" written in cursive lettering on the back. Red trunks and white boots with "JV" embroidered on them. Jonnie jogs down to the ring, slapping fans hands, doing a full lap around the front row. He finds a geeky teen singing his theme song, and he sings along with them. He pulls on the top rope to vault inside the ring and does the double guns to the crowd, holding the SWAT World Title up in the air for all to see.

Frank Salazar : Introducing now, hailing from Palm Springs, California. Coming in at 5’10 and 234 pounds .... his is the SWAT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION ..... MONSIEUR DROPKICK .... JONNIE VALENTINE!!!!

Andrew Fulton: This could be the end of Jonnie Valentine's grip on the World title, Tarrasque is a violent monster and the last person Jonnie wants to defend his title against.

Jeremy Tucker: I think Jonnie has a long history of dealing with violent monsters, Andy.

Andrew Fulton: Withholding pay checks from them sure, but wrestling?

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque is a monster Jonnie knows all too well, competing for him under the Hardkore World promotion.

Andrew Fulton: He was happy unleashing his instability on other competitors for profit. Now Tarrasque's sights are firmly set on Jonnie Valentine's SWAT World Heavyweight Championship.

[Tarrasque and Jonnie lock up dead centre and Jonnie immediately gets forced back into the corner. Tarrasque starts ramming shoulders into him in the turnbuckle.]

Jeremy Tucker: Oi! Would you look at this! An immediate onslaught from Tarrasque!

Andrew Fulton: The challenger absolutely crushing the champion with his strength and body weight here!

[Tarrasque irish whips Jonnie to the other corner of the ring and Jonnie's chest pounds off the turnbuckle.]

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque grabs Jonnie by the head and starts ramming him face first into the turnbuckle!

Andrew Fulton: This is pure savagery and the kind of match that Jonnie Valentine knew he was getting himself into.

[The Paris crowd bustle with a mixed reaction, surprised at the early offence Tarrasque is doling out on Jonnie. Tarrasque smacks Jonnie down with a clothesline and Jonnie's head bounces off the canvas.]

Jeremy Tucker: The SWAT World Heavyweight Champion rolls around holding the back of his head looking to be in great discomfort here.

Andrew Fulton: Tarrasque isn't letting him rest, he wrenches Jonnie back to his feet and tosses him into a corner.

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque drives in with a shoulder block, a HUGE shoulder block, driving the air out of Jonnie's core.

Andrew Fulton: Jonnie isn't in the prime of his career as it is, a loss of air intake could prove... difficult...

[Jonnie slumps to his knees as Tarrasque eases off for a moment and eyeballs him, Jonnie clutches at the ropes and pulls himself back up.]

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque goes for the charge, but the champion ducks at the last moment! Tarrasque stops himself from impacting into that corner however- massive shoulder tackle takes Jonnie down again!

[The crowd let out a loud “oohh” at the audible smack of Tarrasque planting a shoulder into Jonnie. Jonnie rolls onto his front instinctively and kicks at the canvas, spluttering out some breaths. Tarrasque looks around at the crowd and down again at Jonnie, smiling. He pulls Jonnie's head into his legs.]

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque looking for a big powerbomb here! Jonnie lands some right hands in mid air!

Andrew Fulton: He's fighting for his life let alone the SWAT World Heavyweight title!

[Jonnie manages to drop off Tarrasque's shoulders and land a sit out facebuster!]

Jeremy Tucker: The Paris crowd come alive as “Monsieur Dropkick” finally breaks free.

Andrew Fulton: Not for long! Tarrasque rages back to his feet and starts laying into the champion with feral strikes.

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie falls back to the corner, trying to cover himself. The referee is trying to stop Tarrasque and allow Jonnie out – good luck with that.

Andrew Fulton: Would you want to get in between Tarrasque and his target Jerry?

Jeremy Tucker: No thank you.

Andrew Fulton: Here's to you, Jonnie, taking a whaling so that we can earn a living sitting back and describing it.

[Tarrasque arm drags Jonnie out of the corner with incredible ease. The momentum rolls Jonnie back to his feet and he staggers around only to be broken in half by a spear from Tarrasque. The crowd start to break out into a “Let's go, Jonnie!” chant to pick him up.]

Jeremy Tucker: This crowd clearly want to see a comeback from Jonnie Valentine but Tarrasque here is utterly relentless.

Andrew Fulton: Jonnie holding his midsection and grimacing in agony again, this has been a brutal opening assault from the challenger.

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque stalks Jonnie now, letting him gingerly bring himself back up to his feet once more. Tarrasque comes in for another spear- but Jonnie counters, Tarrasque driven shoulder first into the ring post!

[The crowd roar as Tarrasque reverses holding his shoulder, Jonnie comes in with a low drop kick taking him off his feet.]

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque down! Now maybe Jonnie can build some momentum! Jonnie drops a knee right into Tarrasque's arm!

[Tarrasque howls and rolls around holding his arm. Jonnie doesn't let up and starts stomping on his arm some more!]

Jeremy Tucker: The crowd here in Paris goes wild as the SWAT World Heavyweight Champion starts laying in the boots to Tarrasque's arm – looks like he's picked his target.

Andrew Fulton: Jonnie yanks on the arm and flops back into a cross arm bar!

Jeremy Tucker: Does Tarrasque even understand how to submit?

Andrew Fulton: No idea but it looks like Jonnie is crazy enough to try.

[Jonnie pulls back on the elbow joint with all his might, stretching out Tarrasque's chest in the process. Tarrasque is clearly in great discomfort, making all manner of agonised wails.]

Jeremy Tucker: The ref asking if Tarrasque wants to submit, he's not interested it seems.

Andrew Fulton: Look at this! Tarrasque is starting to get back to his feet! Jonnie keeps the arm bar locked in, Tarrasque pulls him up with one arm!

[Just as it looks like Tarrasque is about to reverse the arm bar into some kind of chokeslam, Jonnie releases the hold and hits an armbreaker!]

Jeremy Tucker: What a counter!

Andrew Fulton: Tarrasque certainly favouring that arm now, the beast is clutching at it like a baby.

[Jonnie circles around but Tarrasque explodes back to life with a clothesline, but with the arm that impacted the ring post that Jonnie had just been working.]

Jeremy Tucker: That clothesline took Jonnie down but it looks like it hurt the challenger in the process!

[Tarrasque howls again holding his arm. Jonnie gets to his feet and Tarrasque manages a spinebuster, which resonates with a crushing impact.]

Jeremy Tucker: Ooohh and the crowd here in Paris even felt that!

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 1... 2... (Jonnie kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque with work to do still if he's going to capture the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship.

Andrew Fulton: He can smell victory, Jonnie's offence was cut off again with that spinebuster but clearly some damage has been done to the arm.

[Tarrasque pulls Jonnie into a front facelock looking for a vertical suplex but Jonnie slips off the shoulders and drives Tarrasque into the turnbuckle, before rolling him up with a schoolboy!]

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 1... 2... (Tarrasque kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie Valentine a split second away from retaining the title! Tarrasque rages, Jonnie drops him with another armbreaker!

[Tarrasque rolls out of the ring holding his arm and slaps to the mat outside with an almighty thud.]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie has just bought himself some valuable recovery time.

Andrew Fulton: The opening onslaught from Tarrasque was something else, Jonnie needs this breather.

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 1...

Jeremy Tucker: The ref starts his count, Jonnie will be happy if he makes it all the way and he can get out of here with the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship in tow.

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 2...

Andrew Fulton: Tarrasque is still down and clutching at that arm, Jonnie has clearly done some damage, I suspect to the ligament area.

Jeremy Tucker: Thanks, doc.

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 3...

[Jonnie leans back into a corner catching his breath, holding his ribs. The crowd bustle as the ref's count continues.]

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 4...

Jeremy Tucker: Could we be about to see the World Heavyweight title match here in Paris end with a count out?

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 5...

Andrew Fulton: Jonnie really got to that arm. Tarrasque is clearly struggling.

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 6...

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque starting to stir now and get back to his feet.

Andrew Fulton: Does he understand numbers?

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 7...

Jeremy Tucker: That's actually not a bad question.

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 8...

[Tarrasque rolls back into the ring and Jonnie is right on him, stomping all over him. The crowd pick up a huge “Jonnie! Jonnie! Jonnie!” chant.]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie Valentine's heart is beating with people right now! He's laying into his challenger, kicking directly at that injured arm!

Andrew Fulton: Jonnie pulls at that injured arm and drops a knee directly onto it!

[Tarrasque rolls around holding his arm again. Jonnie attempts to roll him onto his back for a cover but Tarrasque shoves him off.]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie pulls up the massive weight of Tarrasque who blocks him off, Tarrasque drives a knee into the midsection of the champion and pulls his head into his legs, huge powerbomb!!!

[The crowd let out a massive “ooohhhh!!” as Jonnie is folding in half with a powerbomb.]

Andrew Fulton: Did you hear that impact?!

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 1... 2... (Jonnie kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: But the champion somehow survives!

Andrew Fulton: Tarrasque can't believe it! Then again he probably can't believe how lightbulbs work.

[Tarrasque stalks Jonnie, but Jonnie is able to duck a clothesline and boot him in the gut.]

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie with a DDT now!

Andrew Fulton: Tarrasque's head driven right into the canvas!

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 1... 2... (Tarrasque kicks out)

[Both men lay on the canvas for a moment, breathing heavily. The crowd are on their feet once more applauding the match.]

Jeremy Tucker: This match for the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship is so finely balanced right now.

Andrew Fulton: It really could go either way.

[Jonnie and Tarrasque both pull themselves up in opposite corners of the ring. They come together in the middle and Tarrasque rocks Jonnie with a right hand, and another, and another!]

Jeremy Tucker: The World Heavyweight Champion is reeling! Tarrasque lifts him up into a gorilla press.

Andrew Fulton: But look at his arm, it's shaking!

Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque can't hold it, the damage to the arm has been done! Tarrasque's arm buckles and Jonnie drops off into an inside cradle!!

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 1... 2... 3!!!

Andrew Fulton : No! Tarrasque got a shoulder up.

Jeremy Tucker: DROP KICK! Picture Perfect Drop Kick! No one kicks out of that!

Referee Frederik Gunnarson: 1... 2... 3!!!

[The crowd leap out of their seats as “My Heart Beats With People” plays once more. Referee Frederik Gunnarson raises Jonnie's arm.]

Frank Salazar: Here is your winner and STILL SWAT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... “MONSIEUR DROPKICK” JONNIE VALENTINE!!!

Jeremy Tucker: Can you believe it, what a finish!

Andrew Fulton: The work on the arm paid off as Tarrasque was weakened to the point Jonnie could capitalise!

[Jonnie raises the title belt in the air to a jubilant crowd.]

Jeremy Tucker: The SWAT World Heavyweight title remains in the hands of Jonnie Valentine and the Society of the New Breed.

Andrew Fulton: For now...

[mosler]

[The camera cuts from the announcer booth to... the announce booth, on a small screen. We are back in the production truck, where Zoran Sainovic looms over one of the live switchers, observing Frostbite promo footage in disgust. With each insipid word that passes the KGB member’s lips, The Commissioner becomes increasingly pleased that the simpleton didn’t take him up on the dive. Trash. As the worst thing to broadcast on SWAT TV since Tum was fired draws to a close, an assistant editor rewinds the footage. Shaking his head in exhausted contempt, the X*Crown champion turns his disappointed gaze to the camera.]

Zoran Sainovic: …Could have done zis ze easy way. Yet here we are. <forced smile> I zink Soutter has set you up for another beating, Frostbite.

[Reaching back, ZS taps the editor on the shoulder, to signal the playback.]

Zoran Sainovic <sad smile>: Apparently Frostbite has a hard time understanding my words on account of my accent. He suggested that I learn how to speak English. I apologize Frostbite, you see, English is not my native tongue.

<smile fades> What is your excuse?

“Whatever happen to honoring a title”

[The largest screen behind Sainovic plays a clip from Frostbites’ interview.]

Zoran Sainovic: Whatever happenED to honoring a title. HAPPENED. Learn your fucking tenses, you halfwit. Haven’t played with pillows since you were six? Did you give up on basic grammar at ze same time?

“Tonight I am going to make that title someone to be proud of after I win it.”

Zoran Sainovic <rubbing temple as he feels a tension headache coming on>: Maybe I should lie down for him? <staring up at the camera in disbelief> God knows I’d love to see ze X*Crown turn into a person. Someone to be proud of? SOMEONE? You are aware it’s an inanimate object, right? Or maybe you meant someTHING and you just misspoke? Apparently I can make better sense of your incompetent ramblings, zan you can make of my accent. <grimace> You know how to hurt a guy, feeb.

“But this is slap in the face to all that come before us.”

Zoran Sainovic <spitting mad>: A slap! *A* slap! This is _A_ slap in the face to all that either HAS come before us or CAME before us! {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore}’s choice! God damn you, Frostbite. Zis is for a title. Is Hell’s Bouncer your fucking hero? Is zat what you’re striving for? He had two IQ points to rub together, is zat your standard of excellence? If so, your gold seal is rusty. <snaps fingers> OH! You’re pressed for time because you need to be in forty federations before some fly by night Indy gives you a title to placate your underserved ego? <shrugs> Zen I get it, accidents happen. ...But on ze night you tell ze people of France zeir English is subpar? Mocking ze audience for zeir language skills, and zen you trip over every other sentence? In Europe of all places, where zey all know your language BETTER zan you? Is cheap heat ze only kind zat lets you keep your chilly moniker? I’m not just picking on your few mistakes. <pointing at editor> I didn’t tell zis guy to cue up all your embarrassing mishaps, zese clips are FUCKING random, you worthless clown. Ze whole zing is horse shit.

“Or maybe the network does not a lose cannon like Frostbite holding the title.”

Zoran Sainovic <shaking with rage>: Or maybe the network does not WANT a LOOSE cannon like Frostbite holding the title. <triple take> YOU ZINK? <punching a wall> No. <shakes hand> Enough. Enough! Listening to zat amateur trash makes me sick.

[Throwing open the production truck door, Zoran stomps out into the loading bay of the arena. The videographer almost trips over cables trying to keep up with the SWAT Commissioner, as they re-enter the backstage area.]

Zoran Sainovic: See when I propose setting up a match with a fixed result, like you taking a dive? Zat is disrespectful to my championship and SWAT’s hosts. I do zat, because I’m a villain. Neither of us our fan favourites, but zat move at least lets ze audience respect your athletic ability, and secretly cheer your rising to ze occasion for ze sake of ze gold. Zese subtle nuances are important when booking. Ask someone with more intelligence zan you to explain it... like Tong. When you are given an opportunity like zis – not a title shot, but a main event. It’s expected zat you perform better zan ze rest of ze card. It says you’re a draw. Are you acting like more of a draw zan your fellow KGB? Are you putting in ze same effort as Roxy?

[Sainovic actually holds the door open for the videographer, not out of politeness but to main a profile shot.]

Zoran Sainovic: Zat garbage I just watched, told me all I need to know about Frostbite.

For you to stumble over all zose words, rush every argument, slur your speech. You don’t expect to win, and if you don’t believe it, why should we? It also informed me zat as I suffered zrough your promo, zat you couldn’t be bothered to!

If you had ze professional pride to view your own work, you would have seen zat it required reshoots and editing. Instead, you showed up for your two-minute spot like punching ze clock, and raced off to your next federation. Perhaps zat sad fed zought you were worthy of a strap? Who cares if zat belt is worth ze foil it is printed on.

[The procession moves into a hallway.]

Zoran Sainovic: No wonder Soutter looks tired. He had to spend a year jumping zrough hoops to make you look like a credible zreat. It must break his heart to know zat ze last big feud of his career was with a guy who should have been opening ze shows with Tum. <shakes head> We aren’t on speaking terms at ze moment, but even I feel bad for Paul.

I am only wrestling you for a night, Frostbite, and I feel pretty degraded.

When was ze last time you were decent? 2008? I don’t know if your math is any better zan your English, but we’re pushing over a decades since you were a serious zreat. Is it zat you can’t pour all your energy into one interview which you ADR names in and send to twenty different promotions? Is zat what did it? Having to actually work? I’m sorry if Syndicate Wrestling And Tradition is no longer worth your time, since we asked to behave professionally.

Two hours ago, at ze start of ze show, I handed you ze material you needed to hang me with. Giving you chestnuts zat would have allowed you to talk such elaborate trash at my expense, zat I would be too embarrassed to step foot back out in ze arena. Instead what do I get? Some xenophobic language cracks worthy of a show at a high school gym. Ze premise of Bruno as your French interpreter has great comic potential, unfortunately you are ze joke.

A pillow fight! Does zis get us insights into your childhood – innocent times? Perhaps ze early days, roughhousing with your siblings or friends on beds, learning how much fun it was to come out on top of athletic competitions... ze first spark of your career as a pro wrestler? Do we get a heart touching story about how you zink about pillow fights with your kids, except you don’t have any, because your wife sucks at breathing? Nope. I mean, on a Valentine’s show you don’t reference that dead horse? I zought zat was your go to for championship victories. “I’m Frostbite, I wrestle in thirty places at once, give me a title, my wife is dead.” Very Tommy Danger Wannabe. You couldn’t even give me zat.

All I get is zat zis pillow fight is going to get violent.

[Stops dead in his tracks and furrows his brow.]

Zoran Sainovic: You zink?

[Shaking his head in contempt, Sainovic continues walking.]

Zoran Sainovic: DEATH MATCH is in ze fucking title. You lay flat on your back, perfectly still like your woman, or OF COURSE ITS GOING TO GET VIOLENT! Zese aren’t soft cushiony pillows like a lady’s bosom, zese are hard, slimy, maggot covered ones, like your wife’s tits.

[Seeing someone he knows, and realizing that this flash has taken a turn for the obscene, Sainovic suppresses his seething rage. Smiling, he greets his personal assistant.]

Zoran Sainovic: Happy Valentines, Rose.

Rosemary: And you, Zoran.

Zoran Sainovic: Enjoying ze show?

Rosemary: Its excellent, Zoran. Moving away from squashes, more opportunities for Amazons, half as much KGB filler, and a real push to integrate XHF talent – it’s the best show SWAT has put on since I’ve been with the company. Congratulations.

Zoran Sainovic: Zank you. <chuckles> So if it’s so riveting, what are you doing back here?

Rosemary <handing over some files>: I just wanted to make sure you had this expense report.

Zoran Sainovic <taking it>: Very kind of you Rose, but you have good seats tonight. You and Oliver should be enjoying yourselves. Where is he?

Rosemary: I left him in the office for a minute, while I found you.

Zoran Sainovic <gesturing>: Well, I’ll walk you back zere, so you two can get back to enjoying yourselves.

[The duo stroll an additional ten feet before being accosted by a wiry looking suit.]

Richardson: Mr. Sainovic – I’m Richardson. Apparently your backstage brawl with Radu Matei at the Royal Rumble resulted in all six members of the accounting department being placed in comas. The board of directors has appointed me to-

Zoran Sainovic <looking concerned>: Have any members of ze accounting department come out of zeir comas?

Richardson: No.

Zoran Sainovic <looking relieved>: Shame zat.

Richardson: As I was saying, I have been put in charge of looking over the companies accounting.

Zoran Sainovic <forcing a handshake>: Excellent. Welcome to ze team!

Richardson: If I could just get a look at your books.

Zoran Sainovic <raising a hand>: Let me stop you right zere. Zere is a camera on me at ze moment, which means I am currently talent and not management. You’ll have to make an appointment with my secretary.

Richardson: And who would that be.

Rosemary: You’re speaking to her.

Richardson <sneer>: I’d like to make an appointment to-

Rosemary: -But I’m off at the moment. Call the office after the weekend.

[Eyes narrowing, Richardson stomps off, while the duo continue on.]

Zoran Sainovic: I really don’t know why SWAT would put two million dollars on ze line in zat Amazon tournament, when its abundantly clear zey’re pissing it all away on guest spots from guys like Dillinger, self-indulgent New Breed promos and expanding ze midcard. I am not going to be zeir fall guy.

Rosemary: Nor should you, I – OLLIE!

[The two enter Sainovic’s office to discover the waiting room couch has been turned into a fortress. Upon hearing his upset mother, Oliver buries his head under one of the cushions.]

Rosemary: This is my workplace, honey.

Zoran Sainovic: Zat’s alright Rose. After all, Oliver here is my chief strategist. Can you give us a minute?

[Rosemary nods, giving Zoran a smile before leaving the office. Approaching the couch, Sainovic admires the boy’s handiwork.]

Zoran Sainovic: Permission to come aboard, General.

Oliver <peaking up from his cushion>: Permission granted soldier.

[It’s a small couch. Italian. So the roof of this construct isn’t the biggest. Zoran has to really crouch to keep from knocking the whole thing over, but he does his best to avoid destroying it.]

Zoran Sainovic: What are we defending ourselves from?

Oliver: Aliens, zombies, and third graders mostly. You?

Zoran Sainovic: Wastrels, oafs, and accountants mostly.

Oliver <nodding>: The lava floor can handle that.

Zoran Sainovic <raising his feet off the carpet, which can’t be helping his back>: Here’s hoping.

[The two sit there, patiently waiting for monsters and paper pushers.]

Zoran Sainovic: You have an escape route in zis thing?

Oliver: If the third graders get past the sharks, I hop off this wall <patting the exposed arm> to that chair. Then I can move to the desk, and kick over the chair so they can’t follow.

Zoran Sainovic: Smart. Maybe put more sharks around ze chair, so if zey try zey’ll be eaten.

Oliver: I don’t have that many sharks in the budget.

Zoran Sainovic <nodding>: Tell me about it.

Oliver: Mister Sainovic... why don’t more adults build forts out of couches.

Zoran Sainovic: When you go from using ze couch to buying ze couch, your priorities shift. It stops being about “how high can I climb on the wall if I stand on its back,” and starts becoming about not ripping the upholstery because it will look bad for company or cost too much to fix. Creating moats full of slime breathing dragons and million mile walls of ice... well... at some point you just stop believing zat zose can deal with your problems. Folks lose zat imaginative spark zat can see ways around zeir monsters. Take ze guy I’m fighting tonight...

Oliver: He’s awful.

Zoran Sainovic: Zat’s true, but you shouldn’t say it. See, you wouldn’t know it to look at Frostbite, but when I was first starting out, he was going to be ze next big thing. A journeyman who wrestled in more federations zan any sane person would, who could take on all comers! Frostbite was a sight to see. We all zought he was going to be ze next big thing. We could imagine him as a REAL world champion. Over ze years, we stopped believing zat. Zat’s fine. Who are we? Just his peers. Ze problem is, and he won’t admit it despite his pathetic actions, but Frostbite forgot too. He can no longer imagine himself as ze king of ze mountain, just ze former great looking for one last glorious moment before he calls it quits. Zat moment will never come, because he’s no longer creative enough to see it.

Oliver <laughs>: I bet he steps in lava and doesn’t even know it.

Zoran Sainovic <sad nod>: I wouldn’t take zat action. Point is. While you can, keep building zese fortresses. You never now what monsters you’re keeping at bay. Now, lets go, or you and your Mom will miss ze whole show.

Oliver: Good luck Mr. Sainovic.

[The two rise.]

Zoran Sainovic: So get a lot of Valentines at school?

Oliver: My Mom got me chocolates.

Zoran Sainovic: Nice. What did you get her?

[Oliver sheepishly looks at the floor.]

Zoran Sainovic: Don’t sweat it… hang on.

[Crossing reception into his office, Sainovic quickly returns with a small box.]

Zoran Sainovic: Here. I’m sure she’ll like it.

Oliver: Thanks a lot, Mister Sainovic! <turns to leave, then stops> Should I clean up the fort?

Zoran Sainovic: Nah, what if accountants show up?

[Nodding, Oliver runs off.]

[SWAT Team]

When we return to ringside, hundreds of sheets, pillows and cushions have been placed around the ringside area, completely enveloping the ring. Far from the amateur mess you remember from childhood, professional stage designers have built an impressive miniature replica of the palace of Versailles.


Jeremy Tucker: Its time for our main event fans! I don’t think anyone expected the artistry we’re seeing before us. Somewhere buried in that blanket fortress is the SWAT ring, and inside that is the crown jewel of the XHF, the X*Crown!


Andrew Fulton: I can’t believe that cheap bastard Sainovic actually shilled out the money for this match. I can’t believe even he knew the scope of it, because much like picking a fight with the KGB, I don’t think he’s willing to pay the price.


Jeremy Tucker: Our commissioner has made a lot of enemies tonight. Now Frostbite is going to get a chance to collect. This is a Blanket Fort death match. Frostbite has belittled it as a pillow fight, but you get the feeling that the commish has a few tricks up his sleeves. I’d give you a rundown of the rules, but for that lets send it over to Frank Salazar.


Standing at the end of the end of the aisle, just on the edge of the thread count monstrosity, is SWAT announcer Frank Salazar. Next to him stands senior official, Kip Katt.


Frank Salazar: Ladies and gentlemen... this is your main event!!!


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Frank Salazar: It is a BLANKET FORT DEATH MATCH! The ring has been turned into a blanket fort. Somewhere inside this fortress, the X*Crown championship has been hidden. The rules are simple. Both men will start at the edge of the fortress, and when the bell rings, be let loose inside of it. The first man to retrieve the championship will be the X*Crown champion.

We see lotus flying on the Titan tron for a few seconds as more and more join in, until day turns to night as the image fades out, and the next image you see is tanks firing in the air, and right after that image we see solders walking in unison and that image fades out and another of a huge nuclear explosion as you see nothing but ashes and dust of a city. The lights in the arena go completely dark for a few seconds as it comes back up a blue light is seen up the show of the steps as someone is standing up there wearing a gray hoodie with their head down. As they slowly pick up their head, we can see an intense look in their blue eyes, we see that it is Frostbite. He takes a walk down the steps as fans reached out to touch his hands or his broad shoulders. As he stops midway looking into the crowd as he nods his head as the crowd chants his name. He gets to the bottom of the step, he climbs over the barricade. He quickly takes off his hoodie and hands it over to some fan at ringside. Approaching the Salazar and Katt, Frostbite takes in the stage of his latest title shot.]


Frank Salazar : Introducing first, hailing from Boulder, Colorado. Coming in at 6’2 and 225 pounds ....representing the KGB ..... the challenger, The Cold Hearted Bastard .... FROSTBITE!!!

#Don't turn around#
#UH OH#
#Der Kommissar's in town#
#uuuh-OH#
#You're in his eye and you'll know why#
#The more you live............. the faster you will die#

(After The Fire's version of "Der Kommissar" plays over the PA system, as Zoran Sainovic pushes through the backstage curtains all business. It's hard not to walk in sync with this music, but the speed with which Sainovic stalks down the aisle almost feels unnatural. The crowd jeer. Reach out to tug or slap him. Throw garbage. Even as beer splashes his three piece suit, Kommissar Z ignores the trash, keeping his hateful eyes fixed on the ring. As he arrives at ringside, he neatly folds his coat, handing it to a PA. Giving Frostbite a dirty look, Sainovic rolls back his sleeves.)

#Alles klar, Herr Kommissar?#


Frank Salazar : And his opponent, hailing from Belgrade, Serbia. Coming in at 6’1 and weighing 242 pounds .... The Acting SWAT Commissioner .... your X*CROWN CHAMPION, ZORAN SAINOVIC!!!


Monster heel heat for the commissioner, who seems to be sizing up the blanket fort like he already knows where the title is, but needs to visualize it in his head.


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic had a rather harsh critique of Frostbite’s interviews and work ethic just moments ago. Its taking incredible personal restraint on the KGB member’s part not to jump him before the bell.


Andrew Fulton: Yeah, after standing up to Soutter, Sanovic’s days are numbered – but best not to attack officials before the bell, the fines are ridiculous.


Jeremy Tucker: Both men waiting patiently-


Ding! Ding!! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Jeremy Tucker: And their off! Ignoring the fort, Frostbite turns to Sainovic with a hard right hand! Blocked. Sainovic rocks Frostbite with a left jab of his own, right to the temple. The commissioner peppering away with those shots, but Frostbite shaking them off, and unleashing a brutal closeline – ducked! Frostbite spins around for another, only to feel a boot to the midsection. That doubles him over, and Sainovic hooking to neck – looking for a DDT.


Andrew Fulton: Out there on the concrete floor – that is going to do a number on Frostbite’s neck.


Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite putting the breaks on. Sainovic tries again. No. Sainovic with a kidney shot, now off the ground for a jumping DDT!


Andrew Fulton: Not a chance, Frostbite holding him up in the air, and rams him into the guardrail!


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic grabbing his back in pain, but Frostbite not letting up – shoulderblock – shoulderblock – just repeatedly ramming that shoulder into Sainovic’s gut. Every shot grinding him against the steel guardrail... and the fans leaning over the guardrail, not afraid to let Sainovic know what they think of ticket prices under his administration.


Andrew Fulton: Normally we’d have more security to keep riffraff from interacting with talent, but I think Sainovic probably fired half of them to pay for all the pillows.


Jeremy Tucker: A kneelift finally knocks Frostbite off of him, but Sainovic holding his ribs like they’re bruised. For what was supposed to be a simple defense between allies, this quickly turned into a bad blood bath.


Andrew Fulton: Frostbite from behind, slamming Zainovic’s face into the guardrail! Driving it again and again, trying to break his jaw.


Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite grabbing one of the sheets that make up the door, and wrapping it around Sainovic’s throat! Sainovic gasping for air, as Frostbite chokes him with that sheet!


Andrew Fulton: There is no way those have a 700 thread count, they look rough enough to be sand paper! Sainovic trying to get some fingers under it to breathe, but Frostbite just wraps more around and pulls it tighter! The Cold Blooded Bastard PROMISED that he was going to find a way to make this non-threatening gimmick match violent!


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic is turning blue, as those sheets pull tighter. Desperately reaching around, trying to find something to free himself!


Andrew Fulton: Staggering over to Frank Salazar – and pulling his sickle out of Frank Salazar’s breast pocket! That man can hide weapons anywhere! Trying to cut the sheet with the sickle, but Frostbite yanks it, throwing off Sainovic’s balance!


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic throwing that sickle like Subzero from Mortal Kombat-


Andrew Fulton: Scorpion.


Jeremy Tucker: BUT Frostbite side steps it, and uses the sheet to pull Sainovic into a vicious forearm smash. Sainovic bringing the sickle around again, but Frostbite jumps over it – and still choking Sainovic pulls him into neckbreaker. Are you seeing all the sheets behind them? That sickle cut them in half. Fabric flying through the air, as Frostbite uses his own sheet to drag Sainovic into fabric Versailles!


Andrew Fulton: Sainovic coming too, and manages to swing the sickle around to cut the sheet from around his neck. The commissioner is desperately trying to breathe, but Frostbite shoving a pillow down into his face – trying to suffocate him!


Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite trying to force feed Sainovic that pillow, and the commissioner flailing around unable to breathe. He slashes out with the sickle, but he’s stabbing blind, and Frostbite easily avoiding it.


Andrew Fulton: Sainovic can’t find Frostbite with that sickle-










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Andrew Fulton: USING THAT SICKLE ON THE PILLOW! STABBING IT DOWN TOWARDS HIS OWN FACE TO MAKE AN AIR HOLE! FROSTBITE STILL HANGING ON, BUT AS FEATHERS FLY UP IN THE AIR – SAINOVIC IS BREATHING AGAIN!


Jeremy Tucker: Look at that blood, Sainovic cut his cheek wide open trying to cut his way out.


Andrew Fulton: The champion is still down, and Frostbite going for – The Snowstorm!!!


Jeremy Tucker: That will buy him all the time he needs to find the X*Crown! Here he goes – SNOW ST-


Andrew Fulton: NO!


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic using that sickle on Frostbite’s leg to avoid the Snowstorm. Now stabbing him in the stomach to get some space. Sainovic turning towards the left corner of the interior, V-lining... he KNOWS where the crown has been hidden.


Andrew Fulton: Frostbite fighting up to his feet, but Sainovic slashes him again!


Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite down, and Sainovic retrieving a gold throw pillow. Using the sickle to cut it open...
















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Andrew Fulton: NOTHING!


Zoran Sainovic looks confused, then stares up at the entranceway. Soutter stares back at him. As the commissioner starts screaming obscenities, the crowd begin to cheer again for the KGB leader.


Jeremy Tucker: Zoran Sainovic tried to fix this match in his favour, but from the look he’s giving Paul Soutter, it seems like the SWAT founder will have none of it! If the X*Crown was suppose to be in that pillow, its been moved. Now its anyone’s game!


Andrew Fulton: Yeah, but if Paul had that kind of plan, he should have let Frostbite know where it was.


Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite trying to use another sheet as a noose, but Sainovic slashing it away. Now Zoran swinging that sickle - but Frostbite brings up a pillow to block! Frostbite looks surprised at how heavy the thing is.


Andrew Fulton: The X*Crown is in that pillow!


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic trying to snatch it from him, but Frostbite pulls him into an ace breaker! The impact caused Zoran to lose his sickle! Frostbite pulling apart that pillow to find...



A COAL MINER’S GLOVE!!!!!!!

SWAT FAITHFUL LOSE THEIR SHIT OVER THE COAL MINER’S GLOVE, THE MOST OVER WEAPON IN SWAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Andrew Fulton: Wait, Sainovic put weapons in the pillows?


Jeremy Tucker: He did say it would be a blanket fort death match! Sainovic coming to just in time to bug out over the coal miner’s glove, the deadliest weapon of all! He races for a pillow to get a weapon of his own!


Andrew Fulton: Rips it open to find some brass knuckles... he doesn’t want to duel with that. He’ll be pulped! Sainovic grabbing another pillow... its just a pillow! Frostbite winding up, and Sainovic pulling a large leather cushion in the way!







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Jeremy Tucker: It cushioned the blow, but that only makes him half dead! Sainovic on the canvas looking like he’s been run over by an eight wheeler, and Frostbite turning to the other pillows to retrieve the X*Crown.


Andrew Fulton: Mallet. Starter Pistol. 110% Syberus plush doll. Folding chair. How did they fit that into a throw pillow? Baseball bat. Sledge hammer. Throws that at the unconscious Sainovic in frustration. Frostbite tearing apart pillow after pillow, and all he’s finding are weapons. Now moving to one of the larger cushions-











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BOOM







! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


Jeremy Tucker: C4!!! There is C4 in this blanket fort! Burning feathers flying through the air, and Frostbite is out on his back too. He took the brunt of that explosion to the face. I’d say it almost caused as much damage as that coal miner’s glove, even though I know that’s not possible.


Andrew Fulton: Sainovic now getting up on his knees, retrieves the discarded baseball bat and gives Frostbite a few shots with it. Using it as a cane to move around as he’s still feeling the effects of that punch.


Jeremy Tucker: Staggering across the fort, Sainovic now pulling open a pillow of his own, is it? No. A butterfly knife, but that will help him pick up the speed!





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Andrew Fulton: WAIT! From behind, here comes Bruno! The KGB’s muscle bonded with Frostbite as he acted as his translator during this tour of France – and is now coming to Frostbite’s aid. Double axehandle chop, almost knocks Sainovic into one of those deadly cushions!


Jeremy Tucker: That was close. The rest of the KGB have exhausted themselves throughout the night, but as Bruno puts the boots to the Commissioner, leave it to the big man to try to get the XHF’s highest achievement into the hands of our premier stable.


Andrew Fulton: Its funny Paul isn’t charging down t do the same. Bruno with an avalanche, now pulling Sainovic into a spinebuster-


Jeremy Tucker: But Sainovic with the presence of mind to low blow him. Bruno lets go of the champ, and Sainovic with a body slam onto that-









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BOOM









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Andrew Fulton: Poor Bruno!


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic just dropped the KGB enforcer onto another cushiony bed of C4. Bruno is literally smoking, as Sainovic tries to look for a pillow that is unmolested. Wait! The blast was enough to rock, Frostbite back to his senses!


Andrew Fulton: Frostbite still has that deadly glove! Sainovic desperately looking through the weapons strung across the canvas, for some way to defend himself, here comes Frostbite!







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Jeremy Tucker: FIREBALL!!!!!!!





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Jeremy Tucker: Side stepped by Frostbite! Zoran thowing another fireball, but it misses its mark.


Andrew Fulton: THE SHEETS ARE ON FIRE!!!!


Jeremy Tucker: I don’t know what they’re made of, but the entire blanket fort is ablaze!


Andrew Fulton: This turned into a damn inferno match! If they don’t hurry the roof is going to collapse on them. Frostbite moves out of the way of another fireball, only to burn himself on one of the flaming walls.


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic back peddling away from that glove, right into the fire himself! Jumping forwards – almost clipped by Frostbite! Rolls sideways, but with the fire spreading, there are few places left for him to escape. Here comes Frostbite moving in for the kill.


Andrew Fulton: U’m surprised the fire isn’t setting off the-











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BOOM






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Jeremy Tucker: he heat, the falling sheets, the burning pillows, they just set off another C4 charge – that rocked the ring.


Andrew Fulton: Frostbite lost his footing...


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic grabbing a burning sheet, wraps it around Frostbite’s head – matrixes under a coal miner shot, and nails THE REVOLVER!!! Too unconscious to even take that sheet off, Frostbite is down. The whole fort is burning – there aren’t many pillows left for Sainovic to search. Do we have a fire marshal standing by?


Andrew Fulton: Wait, Sainovic with another pillow...


Jeremy Tucker: Bruno from behind!


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Andrew Fulton: BIG PILLOW SHOT KNOCKS BRUNO OUT COLD!!! That can only mean...


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic ripping the pillow open, yes, Zoran Sainovic has retrieved the X*Crown. Kip Katt anxious to call for the bell. Wait, Sainovic stopping the announcer. Grabs Frostbite’s neck, and hits THE PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! Insisting on a cover...





















ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
























TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!























THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



DING!!!! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Frank Salazar: The winner of the Blanket Fort Death Match


And STILL XHF X*CROWN CHAMPION


ZZZZZZORAN


SSSSSSSSSSSSAINOVIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Jeremy Tucker: How do you like that? All Zoran needed to do was retrieve the belt, but he insisted on pinning Frostbite to prove he could.


Andrew Fulton: With all the weapons, explosions, attempted murder, and fire – that was not the pillow fight I expected.


Jeremy Tucker: After that match, he can still call himself a fighting champion, but I imagine the KGB will be out for blood.


Andrew Fulton: Oh, his commissioner days are number. Zoran Sainovic is on borrowed time.


Stepping out of the burning, fort into the aisle, Zoran Sainovic holds his X*Crown high. His hateful gaze locked on Paul Soutter at the top of the entrance, while the blanket Versailles burns down behind him.