Post by mosler on Feb 23, 2020 1:59:27 GMT -5
[Wires of various colours, materials, and sizes coil around themselves like snakes before their sheer mass covers the floor. What was formerly the lunchroom before budget cuts rendered it obsolete, now finds itself at the center of this maelstrom of cables. Mechanical vines transform the drab space into an alien landscape. Veins coursing power and god knows what else to the focal point of this eyesore, a large metal circle out of Stargate. The only thing that SWAT’s commissioner – your X*Crown champion – is missing from his old mad scientist gimmick is the lab coat. Next to him stands Jimmy the Page, the heart and soul of the company. You know that cup of coffee in your hand? Jimmy got that for you. …and since Zoran Sainovic cut coffee out of the budget, Jimmy has been paying for it himself.]
Jimmy the Page: Wow Mr. Sainovic! Two million dollars sure goes a long way!
Zoran Sainovic <too busy admiring the gate to make eye contact>: No it doesn’t. ...And if you are implying zat ze missing money zat ze accounting department, Lucky bimbo and Paul Soutter keep alluding to - was somehow embezelled by me to advance human knowledge, I’ll have you know zat everything you see here is tax deductible.
Jimmy the Page: So is this some sort electrocution device for one of your patented death matches, Mr. Sainovic? Send 20 thousand volts through your opponent to win?
Zoran Sainovic <shaking head in irritation>: Zis my dear fellow, is a GATEWAY TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!
[You can take the man out of the mad scientist gimmick, but...]
Zoran Sainovic: It dawned on me zat while winning ze X*Crown was a career high point, it set me up for an unbelievable fall. Maverick had a humiliatingly short run given ze build up to his victory. Could he just accept coming up short like a man, or dedicate his days to selfdenial? Would Mike Lio clue into ze fact zat I had not taken his mane like I promised, and use zat to coax me into a rematch? Not finding all ze LEGO I force fed him, is Deathtrap going to call me out on a paternity test? <grimace> No, now I live in fear zat Subject 42 will come calling for ze belt... not because I can’t beat him, but ze toil it would take on my poor body? I cut SWAT’s insurance plan! By ze time I pin Subject 42, I’ll need ze X*Crown’s winner’s purse for ze rest of my days just to cover medical expenses. I was given a brief reprieve, taking ze belt to SWAT... but ze rumble is just around ze corner, and for ze two months leading into it, every member of ze AWF is going to be contemplating ways of taking revenge on me for daring to call myself equal. Ze conceited scum! Taking on a federation as one man would be bad enough. Do I have SWAT’s support? No. Accusations of zeft, and zem all nipping to get into my spotlight! My only option was zis...
Jimmy the Page: So you built this for a Stargate death match? Loser gets thrown through it, and has to marathon Stargate? I’d make it Atlantis; that was the worst!
[….]
Zoran Sainovic: No. Unable to get support in ze XHF, I would have to widen my net, to federations zat are also ostracized by ze organization. Considered fairy tales. <licks lips> Non-Canon. So tonight I will make contact with ze Warforged!
Jimmy the Page: Warforged?
Zoran Sainovic: Cyborgs! More machines zan men… from our not too distant future. Super strength! Faster reflexes! Robot eyes zat can see zrough ladies’ clothing! With an army of zose freaks, I’ll soon have ze AWF, SWAT, hell, ze whole XHF under my heel!
Jimmy the Page <cringe>: What if they don’t like you either?
Zoran Sainovic: Zen I’ll close ze portal behind me and move zere permanently. I’d rather deal with one hostile federation zan dozens. Ze XHF can kiss ze X*Crown goodbye, it’ll be permanently located in ze Warforged!
Jimmy the Page: I hope they like you.
Zoran Sainovic: Only one way to find out...
[Pushing some buttons on the side of the portal, lights start to flash in the center of it. Shoving some wires to one side, Sainovic reveals some monitors – which he gestures at the page to follow.]
Zoran Sainovic: Zis is it! Prepare to meet ze Warfor-
Jimmy the Page: They just disappeared.
Zoran Sainovic: Wait, what?
Jimmy the Page: I’m not seeing them as existing anymore. <scrolls down> Let me check archives...
Zoran Sainovic: Could my playing with astral physics have erased zem from all planes of reality? <cringe> Good riddance. I’ll try somewhere else for my stooges. How about ze tiny bitches of ze Phantom Star?
Jimmy the Page: Phantom Star?
Zoran Sainovic <double take>: Do zey no longer exist too? Perhaps I have already attempted it and removed zem from zis world. What kind of paradox have I walked into... still... if even suggesting travelling zere removes it from reality, perhaps I can work zis to my advantage. Next stop the AWF!!!
[Sainovic punches a few buttons, hoping he can get SWAT another spot up on the XHF websites’ front page. Lights begin to swirl in the center of the portal. Sainovic’s hopes for a world in which Maverick doesn’t exist soon turn to horror, as some shapes begin emerging from the portal.]
Sir Rheknol: By the Silver Flame’s leave, I will eat your heart, Lod!
Zoran Sainovic <raising a hand in defence>: Um. Well met brave sir knight, but fear not, I am not Lod. Zough I certainly understand why you would zink zat.
[An orc paladin, elven cleric, goliath ninja/warlock/wizard/bard/rogue/ranger/monk/fighting man multiclass, and Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu, emerge from the mists brandishing weapons.]
Loralai, First Maiden of the Crescent Glenn Fjord: Check for traps...
Zoran Sainovic: Zere are no traps present. Am I right in zinking you are looking for treasure? If so, I may have a quest zat will interest-
Sir Rheknol: I chop off the duplicitious wizard’s head and search his body for gold.
[The heroic quartet move in for the kill.]
Zoran Sainovic <cowering behind Jimmy the Page>: Roll for passive wisdom.
[Damn it. The blood thirsty foursome stop, as the orc paladin rolls a D20. He has to do it a few times because all the wires on the floor are obstructing the rolls.]
Sir Rheknol <19>: Yes!
Zoran Sainovic: ...at disadvantage.
Sir Rheknol <natural one>: Damn it.
[The brave band of fearless warriors let out an impotent sigh.]
Zoran Sainovic: You see zat ze wizard is telling ze truth, and happily take him up on his virtuous quest. Ze one where you rid the land of his enemies for ze princely sum of 10 silver pieces...
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: This looks like the work of Shagroth. I’m going to go through like ten guys. Um. As strangers in your realm, could you see fit to sweetening the pot?
Zoran Sainovic: What do you ask for?
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: Like an extra five dollars? <explaining to his friends> In the 1920s, that is like a fortune. You could buy a car...
Sir Rheknol: Quiet knave. I find these twenties vexing.
Zoran Sainovic: Roll for persuasion.
[Dave pulls out his lucky red D20, then switches for his chromecast one – he’s very superstitious that way. 18!]
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: 18!
Zoran Sainovic: We don’t have room in ze budget for more zan 10 silver, to be paid upon completion – Ze great Zoran repies. You accept ze terms of his quest unconditionally. In addition, Dave loses one sanity point.
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: Nuts. <explaining to the scary looking Goliath> I really needed that point.
***************************************
SWAT Welcomes
The Murder Hobo Express
***************************************
[The scary, degenerate gambling vagrants that make up the commissioner’s new muscle, take their leave - looking for a tavern, or loot.]
Jimmy the Page: Do you think they’ll use their axes in the ring.
Zoran Sainovic: I hope zey’re +3 axes.
Jimmy the Page: Someone might get hurt!
Zoran Sainovic: Well, zat is no longer your concern. <sees that the page isn’t following him> Why do you zink I invited you down here?
Jimmy the Page: Because mansplaining seems less expositiony if you have someone to bounce it off of?
Zoran Sainovic <sadistic smile>: An added bonus, but no, you’ve been with ze company so long, that I wanted to let you know face to face zat your services are no longer required. Zere is just no room in ze budget.
Jimmy the Page: I’m an unpaid volunteer.
Zoran Sainovic: Which is what makes zis so – legally - difficult.
*******************************************
SWAT WISHES JIMMY THE PAGE THE BEST OF LUCK IN HIS FUTURE ENDEAVOURS
*******************************************
Jimmy the Page: Wow Mr. Sainovic! Two million dollars sure goes a long way!
Zoran Sainovic <too busy admiring the gate to make eye contact>: No it doesn’t. ...And if you are implying zat ze missing money zat ze accounting department, Lucky bimbo and Paul Soutter keep alluding to - was somehow embezelled by me to advance human knowledge, I’ll have you know zat everything you see here is tax deductible.
Jimmy the Page: So is this some sort electrocution device for one of your patented death matches, Mr. Sainovic? Send 20 thousand volts through your opponent to win?
Zoran Sainovic <shaking head in irritation>: Zis my dear fellow, is a GATEWAY TO ANOTHER DIMENSION!
[You can take the man out of the mad scientist gimmick, but...]
Zoran Sainovic: It dawned on me zat while winning ze X*Crown was a career high point, it set me up for an unbelievable fall. Maverick had a humiliatingly short run given ze build up to his victory. Could he just accept coming up short like a man, or dedicate his days to selfdenial? Would Mike Lio clue into ze fact zat I had not taken his mane like I promised, and use zat to coax me into a rematch? Not finding all ze LEGO I force fed him, is Deathtrap going to call me out on a paternity test? <grimace> No, now I live in fear zat Subject 42 will come calling for ze belt... not because I can’t beat him, but ze toil it would take on my poor body? I cut SWAT’s insurance plan! By ze time I pin Subject 42, I’ll need ze X*Crown’s winner’s purse for ze rest of my days just to cover medical expenses. I was given a brief reprieve, taking ze belt to SWAT... but ze rumble is just around ze corner, and for ze two months leading into it, every member of ze AWF is going to be contemplating ways of taking revenge on me for daring to call myself equal. Ze conceited scum! Taking on a federation as one man would be bad enough. Do I have SWAT’s support? No. Accusations of zeft, and zem all nipping to get into my spotlight! My only option was zis...
Jimmy the Page: So you built this for a Stargate death match? Loser gets thrown through it, and has to marathon Stargate? I’d make it Atlantis; that was the worst!
[….]
Zoran Sainovic: No. Unable to get support in ze XHF, I would have to widen my net, to federations zat are also ostracized by ze organization. Considered fairy tales. <licks lips> Non-Canon. So tonight I will make contact with ze Warforged!
Jimmy the Page: Warforged?
Zoran Sainovic: Cyborgs! More machines zan men… from our not too distant future. Super strength! Faster reflexes! Robot eyes zat can see zrough ladies’ clothing! With an army of zose freaks, I’ll soon have ze AWF, SWAT, hell, ze whole XHF under my heel!
Jimmy the Page <cringe>: What if they don’t like you either?
Zoran Sainovic: Zen I’ll close ze portal behind me and move zere permanently. I’d rather deal with one hostile federation zan dozens. Ze XHF can kiss ze X*Crown goodbye, it’ll be permanently located in ze Warforged!
Jimmy the Page: I hope they like you.
Zoran Sainovic: Only one way to find out...
[Pushing some buttons on the side of the portal, lights start to flash in the center of it. Shoving some wires to one side, Sainovic reveals some monitors – which he gestures at the page to follow.]
Zoran Sainovic: Zis is it! Prepare to meet ze Warfor-
Jimmy the Page: They just disappeared.
Zoran Sainovic: Wait, what?
Jimmy the Page: I’m not seeing them as existing anymore. <scrolls down> Let me check archives...
Zoran Sainovic: Could my playing with astral physics have erased zem from all planes of reality? <cringe> Good riddance. I’ll try somewhere else for my stooges. How about ze tiny bitches of ze Phantom Star?
Jimmy the Page: Phantom Star?
Zoran Sainovic <double take>: Do zey no longer exist too? Perhaps I have already attempted it and removed zem from zis world. What kind of paradox have I walked into... still... if even suggesting travelling zere removes it from reality, perhaps I can work zis to my advantage. Next stop the AWF!!!
[Sainovic punches a few buttons, hoping he can get SWAT another spot up on the XHF websites’ front page. Lights begin to swirl in the center of the portal. Sainovic’s hopes for a world in which Maverick doesn’t exist soon turn to horror, as some shapes begin emerging from the portal.]
Sir Rheknol: By the Silver Flame’s leave, I will eat your heart, Lod!
Zoran Sainovic <raising a hand in defence>: Um. Well met brave sir knight, but fear not, I am not Lod. Zough I certainly understand why you would zink zat.
[An orc paladin, elven cleric, goliath ninja/warlock/wizard/bard/rogue/ranger/monk/fighting man multiclass, and Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu, emerge from the mists brandishing weapons.]
Loralai, First Maiden of the Crescent Glenn Fjord: Check for traps...
Zoran Sainovic: Zere are no traps present. Am I right in zinking you are looking for treasure? If so, I may have a quest zat will interest-
Sir Rheknol: I chop off the duplicitious wizard’s head and search his body for gold.
[The heroic quartet move in for the kill.]
Zoran Sainovic <cowering behind Jimmy the Page>: Roll for passive wisdom.
[Damn it. The blood thirsty foursome stop, as the orc paladin rolls a D20. He has to do it a few times because all the wires on the floor are obstructing the rolls.]
Sir Rheknol <19>: Yes!
Zoran Sainovic: ...at disadvantage.
Sir Rheknol <natural one>: Damn it.
[The brave band of fearless warriors let out an impotent sigh.]
Zoran Sainovic: You see zat ze wizard is telling ze truth, and happily take him up on his virtuous quest. Ze one where you rid the land of his enemies for ze princely sum of 10 silver pieces...
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: This looks like the work of Shagroth. I’m going to go through like ten guys. Um. As strangers in your realm, could you see fit to sweetening the pot?
Zoran Sainovic: What do you ask for?
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: Like an extra five dollars? <explaining to his friends> In the 1920s, that is like a fortune. You could buy a car...
Sir Rheknol: Quiet knave. I find these twenties vexing.
Zoran Sainovic: Roll for persuasion.
[Dave pulls out his lucky red D20, then switches for his chromecast one – he’s very superstitious that way. 18!]
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: 18!
Zoran Sainovic: We don’t have room in ze budget for more zan 10 silver, to be paid upon completion – Ze great Zoran repies. You accept ze terms of his quest unconditionally. In addition, Dave loses one sanity point.
Dave who prefers Call of Cthulu: Nuts. <explaining to the scary looking Goliath> I really needed that point.
***************************************
SWAT Welcomes
The Murder Hobo Express
***************************************
[The scary, degenerate gambling vagrants that make up the commissioner’s new muscle, take their leave - looking for a tavern, or loot.]
Jimmy the Page: Do you think they’ll use their axes in the ring.
Zoran Sainovic: I hope zey’re +3 axes.
Jimmy the Page: Someone might get hurt!
Zoran Sainovic: Well, zat is no longer your concern. <sees that the page isn’t following him> Why do you zink I invited you down here?
Jimmy the Page: Because mansplaining seems less expositiony if you have someone to bounce it off of?
Zoran Sainovic <sadistic smile>: An added bonus, but no, you’ve been with ze company so long, that I wanted to let you know face to face zat your services are no longer required. Zere is just no room in ze budget.
Jimmy the Page: I’m an unpaid volunteer.
Zoran Sainovic: Which is what makes zis so – legally - difficult.
*******************************************
SWAT WISHES JIMMY THE PAGE THE BEST OF LUCK IN HIS FUTURE ENDEAVOURS
*******************************************
