Lets get ready to Rumble (Ratty Rumble RP1)

[RattyMcDaddy]

The scene opens with Rat Bastard looking over a sheet of paper. He is sitting behind a desk, his feet kicked up upon it, he takes a toothpick from his mouth and starts makeing a motion as if he is checking boxes.

Look at all these names, look at all these pro 'rasslers who have entered the Rumble. People like Abdul bin Hussain,a terrorist,Ninja Ned,prolly has the Covid-19, Jimmy Williams, if he can figure out how to follow simple instructions, Lizette Miracle,a extra background actor from Orange is the New Black, Elissa Saint,a female version of Cam Newton, and my personal favorite, Kentucky Tarzan, a weirdo with a monkey, and not Jay and Silent Bob weird. Such a.....well, how should I gently put this? An underwhelming list of who the fucks, what the hells, and no one cares. Everything from a knock off terrorist, to a hype ass hood rat of a female, to a jungle boy from the deep blue bang my sister state of Kentucky. Fuck, Netflix couldn't even make up this much fuckery for a TV show if they tried. And get this, the red neck Tarzan is drinking buddies with a talking monkey named Chimpo. Maybe we can get them all together, stick them into one big house,film it, and see whos bullshit gimmick cracks first, i'd put my money on the Orange is the New Black extra, if she could spend all that time in the pen with Piper and Crazy Eyes, shes dedicated to the craft. Call them all what you want, but I'll just called them victims in the Rumble. 

Rat puts the toothpick back into his mouth, and sets the paperdown. He removes his feet from the desk, and leans on instead with his elbows, focusing into the camera.

Let me introduce myself, I am Rat Bastard, a living legend. The first ever X*Crown Champion. One of only 5 men in the entire world who can say that have held the X*Crown on multiple occasions. I am the one man Revolution, and It will be my pleasure to beat the piss out of you, and toss you out of the ring at the Rumble. But alas, I can hear the crying and moaning from the like of Draven, that whiney bitch Cross Recoba, and the masses, Ratty just picks on the unknowns, Ratty just smack talks the new guys, Ratty is trying to take the easy way out by picking in the weakest of the pack. Well maybe I am picking on the weakest of the pack, but thats what animals on the top of the food chain do, thats what predators do. Trust me though, these aren't the only easy pickings in this rumble. No no no. So just because I started off with the weakest, that doesn't mean we will end there. Not at all.

Rat sits back in his chair, almost relaxing as he rubs his hand across his stubbled chin.

But since were talking about weak ones, the one name that comes to mind is Joe Nobody. Ya know Joe, theres a little joke that I heard in the lockeroom when you used to try and run around the AWF, it went something like this. 

Rat clears his throat, and looks to the right.

Hey Ratty, who has Joe beaten in the year 2020?

Rat looks to his left as if he is actually answering the question.

Uhh, I donno.

Rat looks back to the right and gives himself the answer.

Nobody. The answer is Nobody. 

Rat looks dead pan straight faced back into the camera.

When is the last time you actually won a match Joe? Do you even remember? And don't give me some half cocked Joe Nobody classic like "I just need to refocus" or "I was trying to beat the best of the best on my personal spirt journey". Horse shit excuses Joe. Your a hack, a joke, and this Rumble is your hell Mary pass in the 4th quarter with time expiring to save your pathetic career. Your not wortg the fucking ink they are going to use to print your name on the announcers card. You should have stayed home Joe, now your just going to come back to get another disappointing, heart breaking, soul crushing loss. Another round of depressed and emotional Joe Nobody promos will soon follow. Your embarrassing yourself, and frankly,Joe, its pathetic. 

Rat runs his fingers through his greasy black hair, smirking a bit.

Speaking of pathetic, Ryan Young, how you holding up, ya over rated piece of trash? I mean we haven't heard much from you since your side bitch ass got dumped by Seth Dillinger, and super kicked in that ugly fucking face of yours. I mean, I bet your still holding out hope that since Seth's main squeeze Dennis, told him that its over, he will run back to your waiting arms and your friendship will finally blossom into love, just like a sappy Lifetime Movie. Once a side bitch, always a side bitch though Ryan. Just like in LGBTKO, you were always second fiddle. Just like your XHF tag team titles, ya you have one half of it, or is it a third of it, whatever, your still not the main attraction. Your nothing but a perrinal Robin to everyone elses Batman. Even Bloodied Fox, the 3rd in your little weird triangle of what the fuck known as LGBTKO is slowly moving away from you, or are you too focused on your man crush Seth to notice? Lemme guess his teaming with his boyfriend, who is in a completly diffrent XHF network federation by the way, is just a one off, just a you know, an every now and then thing. No Ryan, they are both dumping your bum ass, but they are letting you down gently, well Fox is, cause that super kick was anything but gentle, so that you don't notice, and by the time your dense ass does, its already to late. But allow good old Ratty McB to interject and open your eyes Ryan. Your time as a thrupple is coming to a close, and now you are going to have to find other talent to leach off of.  

Rat makes a mockingly sad face, even running his finger down his left eye simulating a tear, before smirking again into the camera.

Your like really nice wallpaper in a bathroom at an expensive restaurant,Ryan. Somewhat noticeable when your pooping or pissing, but who really gives a cares about you after that. You see Ryan, your stable is failing and faltering, your man crush in Seth is withering, and your a falling star, burning out faster and faster, and at the Rumble, you better hope I don't get a chance to be inside of that ring with you. I will drop your fat headed ass over that top rope 10 times faster then that superkick knocked you on your ass. By the way, calling yourself "The Coolest Member of LGBTKO" is kind of like calling yourself the cutest of the ugly people. Ugly is ugly, Ryan, and your ugly inside and out. During the Rumble, or after, are paths will cross, and when they do, I'm going to expose you for the bum ass bum you are. I am a Revolution, Ryan. 

Rat cracks his neck to the left, and then to the right, he smirks at the camera.

And at the Rumble, the Revolution will be televised.

Rat flicks his toothpick at the camera before getting up and leaving as the scene fades slowly to black.