Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 1, 2020 19:56:26 GMT -5
We open on a motel room, where is it, we don’t know, all we see is the room, so how are we meant to know where it is. It’s a room, there is a nice big bed with huge fluffy pillows and a big mirror, and standing in front of the mirror is one Roxylishus. The hottest woman on the planet, she is smoking and wearing a hotter than hot red lingerie bra and panties, man, her rack is to die for. She snaps a few selfies and then turns her attention to Timeless.
Timeless is resting on the bed, leaning on his side and elbow resting on his palm. He is wearing an unbuttoned SWAT baseball style shirt, his huge muscles bulging like a god from years ago. He is distracted and starring off into space, and Roxy doesn’t like this, she likes the attention on her.
Roxylishus : What are you thinking about?
Timeless : (he is too smart and been down this road before) Why how much I love you my love.
Roxylishus : Yeah, right. (she scoffs) What are you really thinking about. The XHF Rumble for the X Crown is upon us you know.
Timeless : Ohhhh, I know. Them fools don’t know what they are in for.
Roxylishus grabs a bottle of sanitiser and approaches Timeless, he holds out his hand and she sprays it on his good hand and then massages it in for him, you wish it was your hand she was oiling up.
Roxylishus : The thought of them cretins getting in the ring with you, just makes me feel dirty. (She coo’s the word dirty and your mind wanders, you are only human)
Timeless gets up off the bed and looks in the mirror, he stops, staring at himself, Roxylishus is beside him and getting miffed he isn’t looking at her, he does look just as good as her, he pops his peck muscle, because a peck pop is always better than an overused stupid stinking arrogant smile slash smirk. You sit there and think, is he talking about ME? You know he is and you cringe inside that you over use that same crap over and over and over and over again.
Timeless : I can’t wait to get my hands on them XHF hot shots and throw them over the top rope, after dropping them on their heads and caving their skulls first that is. I have watched and seen them for over a year now. Looking down on SWAT like they are some Kings. They will see in the Rumble who the true King of this world is.
Roxylishus : Sir Winsalot!
Timeless : Damn straight. Check it out XHF (he looks into the camera) You want to know why for over a year, the best of the best haven’t come to your parties? While you sat there thinking we all isolated ourselves, yet meanwhile, NOT ONE of you came near us?
I will tell you. We didn’t trust you.
WE! Me. The Pinnacle.
Valentine.
Radu.
The Big Bad Bustling Bandit himself Paulie Mutha fuckin Soutter.
110% Syberus.
We didn’t trust_you.
And why the hell should we have. We saw what happened when our first batch of guys attended. What a joke.
Then, it took a glorified manager slash politician to come across and school all your fools on the way things were. Everything he said was right and he smashed it out of the park and brought your beloved X Crown home to SWAT. Home to stay. That’s where I come in. We want it to stay with us, so, we are sending in the big gun. Namely, myself.
Sure I like Zoran, I even helped him take out Radu once and for all and sent him to the bottom of the Hudson River. Sure I will help him once he comes in and work with him, but I know if he gets a chance to take me out, he will, and he knows I will do the exact same to him. If it comes down to the pair of last two, better man wins, which is ME!
Roxylishus : Give us another one of them peck pops.
Timeless winks at her and pops his peck, she giggles clapping her hands.
Roxylishus : That is so cool. Watch this.
She does a double peck pop, her huge knockers rising up and down, she does another and another and another and Timeless is exaggeratedly nodding his head up and down like a see saw.
Timeless : Ok, ok, ok. You win. (he turns and mouths to the camera) “Wow”.
Roxylishus : You know though, you are so right. Them XHF punks, they looked down on us for a year, asking why we never sent our best in and why we isolated ourselves, meanwhile, none of them had the balls to come within a bulls roar of us. It took Duke the Plagiarist to step up, then Caffrey thought he’d taunt him and come follow him into the Rumble, saw what the Fuck we could do and jumped to the winning team in a flash.
She snaps her fingers as she says flash.
Timeless : What happened to Caffrey in our Rumble? I took his ass out! ME! It doesn’t matter who else jumped on board for the ride, it was our cement that fucked him, and he damn well knows it.
Roxylishus : He thinks he got one back on you at Battleground.
Timeless : Mindless twit. He will see, them battles that are won and lost along the way, the mean nothing, no one remembers them, no one cares about them, it’s who wins the WAR! Who wins the BIG ONE! Like this one! The Rumble! And after I win it! I am right now stating, to the world, he will be my first defence! Anthony insert a smile every second sentence for the ohh so hating me so much viewers Caffrey.
I watch you Caffrey ... (Timeless is staring into the camera now intensely. His eyes piercing a whole in your soul, also making you yearn for him, not only all the girls at home, but the guys somehow are feeling a tiny movement in their loins and they don’t even know why) I watch you and I laugh. You try and say all the right things, you try and say what you think is cool. The difference is, when you say it, you’re saying it because it’s the cool thing to say. When I say it, that makes it cool, because i said it!
Peck pop
Timeless : Do people watch SWAT because you are now here? Orrrrrrr, are you here because people watch SWAT?
Do people come to the XHF because SWAT is here? Orrrrr, do they come to SWAT because we are on the network?
Maybe an extra five per cent may flick over to us with you here, maybe but i damn sure know more people join the XHF for SWAT than join SWAT from the XHF!
Roxylishus : Forget about Caffrey and the rumble, let’s do something.
Timeless : Oh, we are going to do something, lots of things. This rumble, with this baby right here (Timeless brandishes his Time Travel watch) We are GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD.
...... But first.
Timeless presses some buttons on his phone and a portal opens, he steps thru it and the shot comes with him, a message appearing on the bottom of the screen reading six months ago.
It seems he is at a warehouse, he walks in and up to the counter.
Customer service girl : (eying him up and down in his unbuttoned baseball top, her bottom lip drops in a wanting manner and she tosses her hair) Hello, how are you today, what can I do for you?
Timeless : I’m great thanks, I would like to place an order for home delivery here in New Hope. I want 20 boxes of toilet paper and another 20 boxes of hand sanitiser.
Customer service girl : We can do that, are you starting a new business sir?
Timeless : Something like that.
Timeless pulls out a credit card as she starts getting his details, he does a peck pop and she sighs wantingly and we fade.
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 2, 2020 19:48:05 GMT -5
Scene opens back up to the motel room, Roxylishus is brushing her hair looking in the mirror, still wearing the smoking hot red bra and panties. A portal door appears and Timeless steps through it, he is carrying a plastic bag, Roxylishus is startled for a moment but tries to no sell it.
Roxylishus : That was quick. What’s in the bag?
Timeless : Of course it was quick, I knew when to return to. Get dressed, we got the world to save.
Timeless plonks a 4 pack of toilet paper on the counter from the bag, and a bottle of hand sanitiser, Roxylishus giggles excitedly clapping her hands and bouncing up and down.
Roxylishus : Great work. Where are we going to save the world?
Timeless pulls a book out of the bag and sits on a chair in the room, opening it up and crossing his legs on the coffee table in front of him. Do we need to know the intricacies of the coffee table? No we don’t, anyone who wants to give us that information in this world is just blowing smoke up their own clacker. The book though, that’s very important, a close up on the cover shows it is ‘I am Ozzy” the autobiography of Ozzy Osbourne.
Timeless : Where did the world go mad Roxy? When did all of this crap start. Some fool eating a bat. That’s where. So, we are going back to where the first fool at a bat, and we are going to stop that from ever happening, and let’s see if it doesn’t change the world for the better.
Roxylishus : We are going to China?
Timeless : Fuck no. Never. Ever. We are going to 1982. Des Moines, Iowa. “Diary of a Madman" tour. (Timeless starts reading from the book, he does so in an Ozzy Osbourne voice imitation).
On January 20th, 1982, the singer infamously bit the head off of a live bat on-stage in Des Moines, Iowa during his "Diary of a Madman" tour after a fan threw the animal at Osbourne's feet. He picked the bat up, and said "Immediately, though, something felt wrong
Roxylishus : (excitedly)We are going to meet Ozzy Osbourne?
Timeless : No. We are going to find the fool fan who threw the bat and stop it from ever happening. To try and talk Osbourne out of it is wrought with problems, he doesn’t know what is up or down, much like them AWF turds, he will screw it up. We got to stop it before it even happens, so, cut the fan off and then bang, it never happened, it’s a solid plan.
Roxylishus : I’ll distract him with my charms, take him off to some dark corner, and then BAM! You waylay him and we grab the bat and get the hell out of 1982 and save the world!
They high five. Roxy starts fishing thru her bag looking for something 1982’ish. She gets a short dress and a big belt and a plain red singlet to go with it, and then starts frizzing her hair up in some weird attempt at 80’s style and same with putting on her make up.
Timeless : The schmuck, much like the rest of the entrants in the rumble, doesn’t stand a chance.
Roxylishus : Just let me run to the little girls room and I I’ll be ready to roll in a jiffy.
Roxylishus heads to the bathroom, Timeless presses some buttons on his watch, a portal opens and he steps through it, into 1982. We now see the Ozzy concert, Timeless is doing some recon, and he is waiting for the bat to appear. We see the bat thrown on stage and Timeless zero’s in on the guy who threw it like a Terminator
Timeless : You’re mine. (he say’s staring at the fan,)
Timeless then moves off, uses the watch to head back to the motel room, he steps through the portal and Roxylishus steps back out from bathroom and Timeless then re opens a new portal and they both step through.
We see its the start of the show and Timeless ushers Roxylishus to where the fan was standing, he is there and looking pleased with himself knowing what he is going to do later on in the evening, Roxylishus presses up against him and then whispers something in his ear, he turns and smiles the biggest smile he has in his entire life, this is HIS NIGHT he thinks to himself, delusional yes, like anyone who is not Timeless that thinks they can win the Rumble.
Roxylishus grabs his hand and drags him off from the crowd, he quickly grabs his bag somehow remembering the bat in it and not to leave it there. Timeless frowns, thinking it could have been over right there. He follows them and Roxylishus turns corner after corner, she has a knack for finding these places it appears.
She comes to something that looks like a cleaning room and enters with the fan, leaving the door ajar. Timeless peeps through the half open door and we see her coo’ing in the fans ear, his back is to the door and Timeless creeps in exaggeratedly, and then WHAM! Metal hand punch right to the back of the head. The fan slumps, completely knocked the FUCK out.
Timeless grabs his bag, looks in it and we see the bat.
Roxylishus : Bingo!
Timeless opens another portal and they leave 1982 back home to 2020 and their motel room.
Timeless : Wow! We did it! We saved the world!
Roxylishus : It feels ... she shivers ... it feels unbelievable! Take me Timeless! Take me RIGHT NOW!
He goes weak at the knee’s for a moment, she still has that effect on him, then he realises he is still holding the bag with the bat in it, He slams that bag hard onto the floor, scaring Roxylishus and then slams it onto the floor again, and again and again. He then stomps on it and the bat is history. He then moves towards Roxy who looks down at the bag in disgust, then, she shugs and pulls him in close as we fade.
Roxylishus : We want the Funk!
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 3, 2020 22:44:30 GMT -5
We see our hero Timeless Alex Turner at Niagara Falls. Where Superman saved Lois Lane. No, Roxylishus isn’t going for a dive over the railings for Timeless to fly down and save her, but, he probably could being the Master of Time and Space and all, he hasn’t tried that yet, maybe he will. Saving the world didn’t seem to work with eliminating the bat from Ozzy’s freak gob. Oh well, can’t blame a guy for trying. He is leaning on the railing and skimming through some XHF Rumble footage, he puts the phone away and looks into the camera.Timeless : Did we miss you Sniper? I don’t even know who the fuck you are, but if an incident with Eric Dane is your go to, then piss off back to that neck brace and wheel chair before I put in the ICU permanently.
Taking them pills wasn’t an opinion doofus, it was an Option! One you should have taken more seriously. Timeless’ hair blows in the wind on the ledge like a rock star.Timeless : Yo Rat Bastard! So you are the first ever X Crown Champion. Wow, what a disappointment. I guess everyplace has to start somewhere. That’s fair enough, but then, as times change and companies join, namely SWAT, the bar, it rises. (pump’s his fist in the air mocking another rising) that’s evolution, you keep up or you get run over. It’s like the 4th division team who just won the title and moved up to the 3rd division, they need to get better, they need to improve, they need to recruit and add to last year’s team, or else they won’t survive and will end up back in the minors where they came from. They don’t want that, they need to strive to be the best, so, they have to bring in some new guys, last year’s guys, they step up or they get left behind, it’s nature. Sure it’s nice and nostalgic to see the fore fathers who helped them get going, but then when you look at them ... ‘you’... and then look at us ... me ... (flexes) Wow, it’s a far cry from yesterday to today. So thanks, thanks for your contribution. Take your legends contract, enjoy the limelight while you can, and stay the FUCK out of my way.
Hell Mary? It’s a HAIL MARY MORAN! It takes more in today’s wrestling world than a few harsh words towards the easy beat LGBTKO! Stick to the window lickers if you want to get out of this one alive, step my way and you’ll be retired permanently.Timeless cracks his knuckles, you got to mix this shit up man.Timeless : How about Hayden Callahan. Out here complaining that he is being mistreated from the match ups he is receiving since joining SWAT. Punk! You have been here for a cup of coffee! You think you deserve to get in the ring with ME!? Or Valentine? Syberus or Caffrey? TJ or Eddie? Zoran? Fool, take a breath, shut your mouth while Caffrey threatens you slash invites you to team with him slash threatens you another dozen times, and then prattles on about some more bullshit no one else wants to hear or gives a flying fuck about, then, who knows, maybe one day you will be in the ring with us, but to do so now would be to throw you to the wolves, you got potential and one day will be there, i can see that, but not yet, so stop getting ahead of your damn self and work your way up the ladder like everyone else. Geez. Some people.
You may well be the future Callahan, but take a good look pal, you’re looking at the PRESENT! Just like Ratty McFatty is the past. He tells us ‘Trust me when I say that having a prostitute as your sidekick isn’t a personality trait’ but then shows tales of his woe and depression and cheating skank drug addict ex baby momma. Get the fuck out of here with that hypocrite shit.
Timeless holds his fist up in the air, no punches pulled and no fucks given.Timeless : How about this dweep Caffrey. Take a look in the mirror pal, you aren’t a wrestler. Look at you, you are literally, the most least intimidating wrestler I have ever seen, but now, after viewing your Cookies segment, now, I am intimidated, I mean, you will do ‘whatever it takes’ You will ‘shock and horror’ .... Graffiti a graveyard and trash a motel room. Wait .... allegedly trash a motel room. Wow! Scary stuff! What are you a god damn teenager? That shit sounds like something Goth would do.
Timeless shudders, then gives an arrogant mocking smileTimeless : I’m Timeless! The Pinnacle! Sir Winsalot! The Epitome of what a wrestler is!
Peck popTimeless : You’re the guy with the smile. After I win this will you lose your smile?
You’re a dweep who thinks he is a killer wrestler but you can’t suplex. You can’t body slam. You can powerbomb. You can’t lift a man of his god damn feet. You’re a sorry excuse for a mark who saw someone once tap out and thought, man, I am going to make people do that.
Look at ME and look at YOU!Timeless double flexesTimeless : I’m Jack Daniels. You’re some umbrella twirling git.
I’m Superman. You’re Peter Parker
I’m James Dean. You’re Tom Hanks
I’m Michael Jordon. You’re Chris Bosh.
I’m Jim Morrison. You’re John Denver.
I’m N.W.A. You’re Mc Hammer.
I’m Harley Davidson. You’re a scooter.
I’m Danny Zuko. You’re Eugene.
I’m Marty McFly. You’re George.
I’m Eddie Murphy. You’re Mr Bean.
I’m He-Man. You’re Urkel.
I’m Ted Danson. You’re Niles Crane.
I’m Bart. You’re Milhouse.
I’m Arnie. You’re Sheldon.
I’m scotch and steak. You’re milk and FUCKIN COOKIES!!!! Timeless winks to the camera. Timeless : Come at me XHF.
Un fade able.
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 6, 2020 22:40:12 GMT -5
We see a newsroom type setting, the shot zooms in on the hostess, and it is none other than Roxylishus, she is actually dressed professionally and at first you had to take a second look to make sure it was her, but she is indeed the lady sitting in the news chair. Roxylishus : Good evening XHF, my name is Roxylishus, and tonight, i bring you a special interview, an interview with one of the favourites for the X Crown at the upcoming XHF Royal Rumble. It is with great delight, that I bring to you all, Mr Anthony Caffrey! Caffrey, welcome to the set, and thanks for joining me here tonight.
[/color] The shot expands out and we see across the set from Roxy a man dressed as Anthony Caffrey, the shot zooms in on him and we quickly notice it is actually Timeless, dressed as Caffrey, sure it is a more handsome and ripped Caffrey than we have ever seen, the most coolest version of a Caffrey that has ever existed, Caffrey when watching wants to smash another mirror that doesn’t reflect this image of himself back at him.Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): The pleasure is all yours I assure you.
Caffrey / Timeless smiles a sinister mocking smile to the camera. Roxylishus : Caffrey, tell us, how do you feel leading into the Rumble?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): I feel like a WINNER! That’s who I am Roxylishus, a winner! I held the AXW Undisputed Championship for 309 days.
Roxylishus : Wow. That’s very impressive, i wasn’t aware of that.
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): How could you not be aware of it! I yell it to the world over and over and over every chance I get.
Roxylishus : I guess I must have somehow missed it.
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Then let me remind you again so you don’t forget. I held the AXW Undisputed Championship for 309 days!!!
Roxylishus : Got it.
She winks at Caffrey / Timeless.Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Keep your promiscuous ways to yourself thanks, woman or not, I WILL put you through that announce desk if you provoke me. I am capable of anything and have done many wild things you know. Anything! Why, I once even vandalised a gravestone. Also, I alledgedly trashed a motel room this one time. You should hav ...
Roxylishus : Yeah. (unimpressed) That’s really ‘something’.
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): I detect some cynicism in your tone young lady. I will have you know, ten people called my name so far. TEN!!!!
Roxylishus : A whole ten? Wow. You sure have a big fan base. Did you know that over a million people call the name of Timeless every day. When they are driving down the road and the mind wanders. When they are in the shower touching themselves and fantasizing about the god he is. When they sip their coffee and the rush of caffeine rocks their senses. When they are lying half asleep dreaming and their partner ‘pretends’ not to hear them yelling his name. Millions!
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): But not the TEN in this rumble bitch!
Roxylishus : Please sir, let’s keep it professional.
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): I held the AXW Undisputed Championship for 309 days!!!
Caffrey / Timeless holds up his bandaged hand in a fist in a rage.Roxylishus : Easy tiger. Save it for the ring please. Let me ask you about ...
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): (interrupting her.) Beat him.
Roxylishus : Ohh? What about ...
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): (interrupting her again) Beat him too.
Roxylishus : Really?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Yes! Really! It’s what I DO! I beat people! I snap their stupid ankles!
Caffrey / Timeless sneers to the camera, a half smile half sneer, it is very exaggerated. Roxylishus : Where did you learn to wrestle sir?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): In the great state of Philli! Why would you ask?
Roxylishus : It’s just, for a technical master, I don’t ever see you doing any technical moves, apart from ‘breaking an ankle’.
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): It’s called a finisher!
Roxylishus : Yeah. I get_it. What about a starter? What happened the day of wrestling school that they taught a suplex?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): I don’t do them. I can’t lift people.
Roxylishus : (laughs and then covers her mouth) Sorry. That was quite unprofessional of me and slipped out, I apologise. What about the day they taught you a body slam? Miss that day too?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): I don’t do that either, again, i can’t lift a man off his feet.
Roxylishus : (snickering and trying her best to hold it in) So what? You just absorb their punishment and then SNAP THEIR ANKLE!?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Exactly!
Roxylishus : What about a powerbomb?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Nope. Not my style.
Roxylishus : Let me get this straight, you rocked up to wrestling school, and told them you can’t lift a man off his feet and they said no problem, that’s not needed in this business, all we need to teach you is to smile like a FUCKIN IDIOT and snap ankles?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Ummmm. If you put it that way. I do know other moves you know, they don’t call m a technical wizard for just knowing an ankle lock.
Roxylishus : Do they call you that or do you call yourself that?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Well, i call myself that.
Roxylishus : U Huh. So what other moves do you know?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Punch, eye gouge. Side headlock.
He says it with such pride you nod at his technical prowess and wonder how you ever doubted it.Roxylishus : Tell us, we saw you are now reborn as an emperor. What is with that?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Not as an emperor, as an Emperor!
Roxylishus : Of course, forgive me. How did this rebirth happen and come to pass?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Well, I had a shave.
Roxylishus : And?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): And what?
Roxylishus : And what else?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Well, ummmmm, I took some glass out of my hand I got from when I smashed it from not being able to stand my own reflection.
Roxylishus : Because of resembling Erkel and Eugene and John Denver?
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): NO! Because I lost a match!
Roxylishus : Ohhhhh. So a shave and that’s it, a new Emperor! Did I get that right? Is born.
Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): Yup. That’s better. Don’t forget I screened a few phone calls also.
Roxylishus : Wow. I was expecting some Palpatine shit!
We switch to Caffrey / Timeless, a perplexed look on his face, surely a shave is good enough to be the rebirth of an emperor and wash away a loss, we then switch back to Roxylishus who stands up and is now draped in a hooded cape, head bowed.Timeless (Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey ): What’s this all about?
Roxylishus : This is a true Emperor! Rebirth!
Empress Roxylishus starts blasting Caffrey / Timeless with Force Lightning, and Timeless falls off the chair shuddering. He is selling it hard.Timeless Dressed as and imitating Anthony Caffrey : Make it stoooooop!
Empress Roxylishus has an evil cackle and continues the Force Lightning, the special effects on this promotional are off the chart.Roxylishus : This is a rebirth of an Emperor Caffrey! You are a god damn disgrace and a mockery to the XHF if you are the favourite to win this thing! My Man Timeless is going to destroy you and each and every other piece of trash who steps foot in that Rumble!
Roxylishus cackles once more and continues to Force Lightning blast Caffrey / Timeless as we fade.
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 7, 2020 22:16:53 GMT -5
We switch to the SWAT Academy. The latest batch of students are seated around the ring, socially distanced apart. Timeless is standing in the ring in his KGB baseball style top, it’s unbuttoned and his gold chain shines in the light resting on his bronzed ripped body. He looks incredible and does a peck pop, just for the fuck of it, pacing around the ring looking over the students, one is not paying attention and scrolling on his phone and Timeless swigs down some of his bottled water he is carrying then hurls it at the kid, the bottle sconing him in the head and water splashing all over him. The student looks around shocked and stands up angrily then see’s Timeless in the ring staring at him and he stops in his tracks, slowly sitting back down.
Timeless : Sit down, shut your mouth, and pay attention. That goes for the lot of you out there too.
The students move around uncomfortably.
Timeless : Right. Listen up. This is going to be the most important lesson any of you will ever learn in this business. First of all, take a good look around the room at those around you. You love these guys, they share your dream and together, you are going to rock the world, right?
The students look around at each other, smiling
Timeless : WRONG! A year from today, you will be lucky if two of you are still in the ring. Five, Ten years from now if you are the one in a million fortunate enough TO make it and still be working in this business, i guaran damn tee you no one else sitting around you will be beside you.
It may be cruel, but it’s the truth Jack. The reason you need to know, you see, you lot, and anyone else who makes it in this sport, you are all just a piece of meat, a walking robot.
The students look confused.
Timeless : That’s how the office see you. To them, you are just a dollar sign. Same goes for me even. You do what they say and when they say it. Whatever they tell you to do, you DO!
Timeless is pacing around the ring, looking each of them in the eye as he is talking
Timeless : Trust me, that’s how it works. Everywhere you go, the promoters there will have their own personal favourites. How do you stand out? How do you get past all them home town favourites on your journey? Well, there is only one way. You do what they want you to do, better than everyone else.
You get yourself over with the fans. Not the boys in the back, if you do what the office tells you and be professional, the boys in the back will respect you. They won’t trust you, they want your spot and you want theirs.
You want to be a cowboy and run your own race? They’ll sort you out in a flash and they will stiff you and stretch you night after night after night until you ‘get it’ or you fade away.
Don’t fall into any bullshit politics and get caught up in anyone’s drama’s. They hook you up on the ‘whatsapp’ or whatever you kids today are on, saying, check out this guys shit would you. Asking you how did I lose to him? Trust me, don’t buy into it. They are looking for validation, surely I can’t have lost because I am not as good as him, surely there must be something wrong here, check it out. No! Don’t!! They lost because they lost. That simple. Timeless continues pacing the ring.
Timeless : The fans today, they think they know everything about this business. You lot should know, you were one of them three months ago before you started paying us to train you.
You all think you know it all. Yet, even with the business being exposed all them years ago and the ‘smart’ fans of today knowing how it all works, people still watch. People still pay their hard earned to come and watch us do what we do. Why is that?
Timeless stares out into the group, no one speaks up.
Timeless : I’ll tell you why, because they still want to believe. They want to suspend disbelief and be taken on a ride. They want to be entertained! They want to be swerved! That’s where we have to be better, better than previously, we got to take them on that ride. You miss one move! One single botch, and they will never let you forget, they will ride you for it for the rest of your career.
Look after your bodies. Save the big bumps and flashy shit for when it counts. Do people come and watch because you did some flashy shit? Or do you do flashy shit because people are watching?
Timeless leans on the ropes.
Timeless : I am serious in this guys. Stay out of the drama. You want to make it to the top, you can’t afford to get caught up with the guys who won’t even make it and their crying. It may be harsh but it’s the way of the world.
Even in this XHF Rumble. The Stand Out like myself, I am up against it. The home town boys of the XHF, they have their own personal favourites, I need to be twice as good as them. Three times. I need to work harder, and stronger than all of them.
That’s what gets you over in this world. Working harder and stronger than the others, and not just one week, one big show! Week in, week out! Show in, show out! It has been drummed into me since I was sitting where you are.
Then, when you can do that, the rest comes, you develop your persona. Yes, it’s true, the closer he is to yourself, the better. Amp him up, the catch phrases and monikers, they come with time, you don’t need all that day ONE. Develop them as you grow and evolve. Always evolve.
Timeless cracks his neck
Timeless : I didn’t start off like this.
Timeless flexes for them.
Timeless : Years of dedication got me where I am, hitting them weights every day, no days off! I didn’t start off as Timeless even. I was just a technical workhorse with a hot girlfriend. I thought that was my calling, Indie wrestling moves are larger than any character persona gimmick crap I thought coming into this world. It’s the moves and matches people want to see.
Ha.
Timeless laughs
Timeless : How naive. That’s just one piece of the puzzle. I became Timeless! I became a The Master of Time and Space! Roxy became Roxylishus! It takes all the pieces to make it in this world, don’t try too hard, let it come, there is no rush. When you think you’re ready, believe me, you’re NOT!
The fans might tell you you are ready, they don’t know shit, they will tell you you are ready and scream your name for a year, and the second you get your shot, they’ll shit all over you and start screaming for the next up and comer who ‘deserves it more’.
The only person who knows when you are ready, is the money man, he won’t pull the trigger until he knows, because he wants that cash. You get over, he cashes in!
Timeless smiles to them. Them pearly whites we don’t see very often gleaming. He stares right into the camera, his eye’s piercing your very soul.
Timeless : I am SIR WINSALOT.
We are the KGB.
We like to Root and we make all the Loot!
We take out the Trash, and collect all the Cash!
We break your heart and tear you apart!
We make Stacks and break backs!
I’ll rupture your spleen and knock you out clean!
I am the Ultimate Male Supreme!
Every breathing Woman’s Wet Dream!
A God Damn Wrestling Machine!
Un fade able!
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 10, 2020 22:33:31 GMT -5
We see a baseball field, a handsome well built teenager is smashing balls in the cages, the fields look greener and the air looks crisper. Up in the bleachers behind the cage we see a middle aged man watching the training session with pride. Behind him we see a portal open up and Timeless steps through it, and a caption appears reading Ten years ago scrolls down the bottom of the screen. Timeless is wearing his KGB baseball top, unbuttoned as usual, his gold chain sparkling in the sunlight on his bronzed torso. What a torso it is, Wow! He sits down beside the middle aged man who looks at him, pride exuding from his being, a tear welling in his eye.
Mr Turner : Son! So great to see you. I don’t think I will ever get used to you just appearing like this.
Timeless : Great to see you too Sir. How are you holding up, can I do anything for you?
For those not up to date with SWAT viewing, Mr Turner is enduring a battle with the dreaded big C, Cancer, he has limited time to live, and this is the only way Timeless can see his father.
Mr Turner : How are you son? How is SWAT?
Young Timeless creams one in the cages and it sails over the fence, both Timeless and Mr Turner smile. It never ceases to amaze Timeless when he comes back to see his father, with all of his medical issues all he wants to talk about is Alex.
Timeless : SWAT’s great. I am about to boot Paul Soutter out of the KGB and am tagging up with my girlfriend Roxylishus in the Anzac Cup tag tourney.
Mr Turner : Booting Soutter out? He is not to be under estimated son, we both watched him together here for many years, you know what he can do.
Timeless : I do. The KGB is no longer big enough for the pair of us though, he is going soft, and it is hurting us.
Mr Turner : And teaming with your ‘girlfriend’? Is that a good move?
Timeless : Well, I figure I won the tourney last year with another bitch in Joey Morelli, so what difference does it make. She can stand on the outside and shake it while I destroy all before us.
Mr Turner looks sceptical. That’s a good word isn’t it, sceptical, like our thoughts on anyone not Timeless having a snowflakes chance in hell of walking out of this rumble victorious.
Mr Turner : What else is news?
Timeless : I am entered into an interfed XHF Royal Rumble. It’s for all the gold, 21 Belts called the X Crown. I have it in the palm of my hand.
Mr Turner : Twenty One Belts?
Timeless : That’s right pop, and they will all be MINE!
Young Timeless cracks another one over the fences.
Mr Turner : What’s the competition like in this one?
Timeless : Well, there are around 45 entrants, it’s a real big match. Zoran Sainovic, he is the SWAT Commissioner, he is also the current X Crown champ, so he comes in last. He and I have been tight, but he recently has been going against the KGB due to Paul’s power plays, before that, he and I together took out Radu Matei, the former SWAT World Champ when I dumped him in the Hudson River.
He won the X Crown in a Politics move, it was brilliant and everything he did and said was right ... at that time. It’s all now is obsolete, because now I am there to represent SWAT and bring the belt home, not with politics, but with Wrestling and by kicking ass!
Mr Turner : Watch out for them politicians. They are snakes and can’t be trusted.
Timeless : I’m all over it. He is probably my only ally in the whole match, I have sort of alienated myself and I know they are all gunning for me. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I will work with him when I can, but I know he will toss me out in a flash and I will do the same to him.
Young Timeless looks up from the cages and notices the man he has spoken with previously talking to his father and waves to them, his father nods to keep training and he gets back to it.
Mr Turner : Remember what I always taught you, don’t take any shit and don’t listen to anyone who tells you to pull it back. We watched this world all our lives on the screens, and no one ever got anywhere ‘holding back’. People will resent and hold your ability and your belief in your ability and yourself against you. They always would tell me, your boy has all the ability in the word, but he has no humility, he is too self confident and almost arrogant. You know what I would tell them people son? That that is what it takes to be the best and make it all the way to the top. You need to have that killer instinct, even a bit of mongrel in you and you need to know that whoever is standing across from you is outmatched. If you don’t believe that you have no chance at all of making it.
Timeless : Ohh, i know it.
Mr Turner : All them double shifts, all them nights in the mines, they were all worth it. We both know I don’t have long to go, I wouldn’t change a thing. I did it all for you son. Even with all them hours I would work, I never missed one game you played, baseball, basketball, football, you were a freak and could have made it in any of them leagues. That was what I lived for son, to see you out there. How is your mother?
Timeless : She is real good. She and Aunt Lucille live together now, they play their cards and watch their shows.
Mr Turner smiles. Another tear welling up.
Mr Turner : Thank you son. Go on, you better get going. Win this rumble! Stick it up them all!
Timeless : I will! I will win it for you Sir.
Mr Turner again starts to well up, he tries to hide it from his son, and Timeless knows his dad doesn’t want him to see him like this, and opens up the portal and returns to 2020.
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 13, 2020 1:02:20 GMT -5
We see a shooting range, Roxylishus is bent over exaggeratedly, her peach ass hugging them short red shorts. The instructor is half beside half behind her and reaching around showing her how to hold the pistol, he is loving his job and Roxylishus is in her glory loving getting ‘instructed’.
Timeless is leaning on the wall watching, he shakes his head laughing to himself and takes off, straight through the range were everyone is shooting. He is wearing a gold Versace shirt, half unbuttoned, black slacks and $5000 leather shoes. He walks through the range, and we see bullets whizzing past him in slow motion. He no sells them and just keeps walking, one whizzes just past his ear and he keeps walking, as he comes into vision of people shooting they are screaming at him to get away from there and out of there, he keeps walking at the same pace in his own world, he leaves through the end of the range and there is a back door there and he walks through it to the car park, he sits down on a wooden fence and looks into the camera
Timeless : So Rebecca Cross wants to appear on MY show and insinuate he has a space there waiting for the X Crown? That space is going to be empty for a mighty long time pal. After I win it, if you want to put up that Diamond title to make belt #22 for me, lock that shit in. Wanna get some heat with the SWAT guys? It takes more than a half empty trophy case. Battleground is the show I built. Enjoy your time in the spotlight on the big show in town, once I toss your ass out over the top rope in the rumble, it’s the closest you’ll come. Unless you want to man up and put that Diamond belt on the line as well.
Timeless stares intently into the camera.
Timeless : This is it, the home stretch is in sight, the show getting closer and closer each day. Caffrey thinks he and his group chat were amused that I dressed up as him, who the fuck goes in group chats? I’ll tell you who, pencil neck fucking geeks like YOU! You think prattling on about staying home and how you love and miss Philli is anything any wrestling fan wants to hear? Get the Fuck out of here with that bullshit! Get a box of tissues and cry your eyes out for your home town and how you shouldn’t have to wrestle. If I was you and about to get my ass whooped I wouldn’t want to wrestle. I actually thought for a moment you were about to pull out of the rumble. Blame the Virus and save face, it would have been a good move on your part, pity you are too wrapped up in your own bubble to realise that would be your best option. Go on, tell us how you are going to win because you are going to win and mark your words you are going WIN IT! Wow, maybe the rest of us should all stay home due to this virus, because if Caffrey says mark his words he is going to win then we must all have no chance at all. Wrestling Emperor move two, move one is shaving to reveal the ohhh so impressive and evil Wrestling Emperor gimmick, move two? Tell people to stay home 50 times in five minutes and cry about missing your home town and that you are going to win because you are going to win. Let me help you out here for a minute, you should be contemplating a further gimmick tweak slash change, the Emperor (wishpers) shave didn’t fool anyone. As quick as possible, just some friendly advice from ME to YOU. Favourite? You got to be kidding me, there must be at least a dozen people looking better for this than you.
Mocking arrogant sinister smile.
Timeless : How about this joker Michael Storm. He tells us he needs a little bit of help in the mentally fit department. No fucking shit Sherlock! Dumb as a box of rocks jumps to mind. Storm, take your graphs and stick them straight up your ass! Them polls you’re blabbering on about were conducted back when the card was announced. Soooo, they are all just predictions. Predictions from preconceived XHF notions on who the marks thought might win. You think the truth of the matter is ‘we really don’t have a clue’. Speak for yourself chump. You may be clueless. Me, I’m TIMELESS! I have no doubt. None what so ever, in either the outcome of this Rumble, which spoiler alert is Sir Winsalot walking out with the X Crown. Or, in my own ability. Never have and never will, you think that’s a character flaw? You know who think that people who believe in themselves are flawed? PEOPLE WHO DON’T BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES!
Timeless cracks his neck
Timeless : You know what I see when I look at Michael Storm. The guy who had to vacate the belt because he couldn’t defend it within a 30 day time period. What a disgrace. When I win the Crown, and I WILL win it. I will defend it not only in SWAT! The greatest fed in the XHF and in the whole WORLD! I will defend it all over the XHF! I’ll go ANYWHERE! Take that Crown on the road and beat everyone in their own HOMES! If that home isn’t ready within the 30 days to house my defence, I’ll take the fight to the STREET! I will fight anyone, I don’t care who it is, if that 30 days are going to expire and the scheduled home of the defence isn’t ready, I will walk into a SWAT ring get on the mic and take on anyone, right there and then!
Timeless snaps his fingers.
Timeless : Just like that. I will not lose my smile and vacate a belt. I will not get ‘injured’ and vacate the belt. “Cough”DT”Cough”.
Timeless groans
Timeless : Go on. Tell us all how it was a horrendous injury and you couldn’t defend. Tell us Storm of the extenuating circumstances and how it was out of your hands. All I or any fan out there hears or see’s is that the belt you held was VACATED!
Any professional worth his salt in the business knows, if you hold a belt, you defend it till you lose it! Period. No ifs ands or buts. NONE. It doesn’t matter if you have to limp to the ring on one leg and with cracked bones. It doesn’t matter if you have to be wheeled down there in a fuckin wheel chair. You hold the belt, you defend it until you lose it, or you die trying. That’s IT! It’s that simple, so take your vacates and fuck right off!
Timeless grins to the camera, no fucks given.
Timeless : Who else thinks they have a chance in this thing? Sainovic? Without me he would be at the bottom of the Hudson, not Radu, and after the Rumble he will be looking up at Sir Winsalot holding the Crown as he is sitting on the cold hard floor after the ten foot drop and wondering why he didn’t stick to managing. Come on Zoran, hit is us with all the explanations of what it means for who if this person wins and if that person wins. What it means for you when I win is the old cripple executive just got whooped by the Pinnacle. The Epitome of what a wrestler is and should be defeated a manager slash pen pusher playing at wrestler. What would it mean if I were to be defeated by such a man? It would be a god damn embarrassment for the entire XHF and myself.
Timeless shudders at the thought.
Timeless : I have lost my fair share of matches in this industry. Everyone has, but to Sainovic, ugh. That’s what the intro was, a metaphor. I’m bulletproof. A loss washes of me like waters of a ducks back. You want to know why them loses wash away? Just look at ME! Watch a match, watch the precision and expertise I deliver EVERY move! I make it look easy! It’s just a gift I have, everything I have ever done just comes naturally to me. The fans see it, the know it, they watch my promotional and see the only thing that outshines my in ring ability is my work on the mic. They know it’s just wrestling and everyone loses matches, it eats them up and threaten to boycott the network, and all sorts of garbage, but then they tune back in to watch me next Battleground. Others, one loss and their whole world falls apart. I have seen them in the locker room, not knowing what happened or why or how, or how they will come back from it. Blowing up the bosses phones with textiles and emails. Completely dejected and ready to give up.
These jamookes. They actually believe this is their shot, that this is their big chance, that if they can get their hands on the belt their journey will be finished. They need it. They NEED that Crown, it will validate them, and will make them made men in this Industry.
When what that Crown NEEDS though is ME! It needs ME to validate IT! In the old days, them few workers who were so over they didn’t need a belt, they never got one. That doesn’t wash in todays world. The better man must win and must have the gold, whether it’s when Zoran won it three months ago, Valentine taking the SWAT belt from Suzie, whether it is Tarrasque winning the SWAT rumble, whether it is Sir Winsalot right here. There are no favourites, there are no politics. It’s simply who is the best wrestler and who puts on the best performance. So, instead of grasping at straws and that tuft of grass on the edge of the cliff to hang in there on the edge in this one.
Timeless stands up, his foot stomping on a tuft of grass hanging over the gutter of the car park, the camera is shot from a high angle and it looks impressive.
Timeless : Start hitting up them phones you ambitious cats, call them fed heads and get in early asking if you can get the shot at me when I come to your towns. Sure, you have even less chance of beating me one on one than with 40 something others out there to help you, but you’ll get that spotlight on you. You’ll get a five star match with the pinnacle of wrestling today. Today. Next Week. Next Year. Forever. For I am Timeless. For the ages.
Un Fade able.
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 15, 2020 7:08:56 GMT -5
We open to a motel room where we see Timeless and Roxylishus playing cards in lockdown. Not any cards, not strip poker you degenerates, they are playing UNO. Timeless has a Zelda t shirt on and Roxylishus is wearing a Texas Hold Em crop top. You wish you could hold ‘em’. They both look hot, who is hotter? Depends on one’s leanings doesn’t it.
Timeless : So there I was, down to Malus and I, WHAM. BOOM. KaPOW! I demoed that Final Boss Jamooke!
Roxylishus : I remember, first try!
Timeless : Always first try. Game saves are for just that, saves, not retries.
Roxylishus drops a draw 4 card.
Roxylishus : Draw four.
Timeless : (smiling and picking up the 4 cards as it begins raining outside and we can hear the rain on the roof of the motel room) How about Senator Armstrong? Didn’t last five minutes.
Roxylishus : You made mince meat out of him.
She plays a Green Reverse card to give herself another shot, then a Green Skip and grins at Timeless, and plonks down a Green 4.
Timeless : I think you may be the UNO Final Boss!
Roxylishus : Always. Guess who phoned me and say’s they are on the way over?
Timeless : Bobby Barrett?
Roxylishus : No.
Timeless : Tarrasque?
Roxylishus : Come on, he doesn’t know how to use a phone.
Timeless : Who?
Roxylishus : My_Drama_Queen sister! That’s who!
Timeless : Which one?
Roxylishus : Sandra.
Timeless : Sandra? She is ok.
Right on queue, there is a knock on the motel room door, Timeless gets up and opens the door and Roxy’s younger sister Sandra enters the room. She hugs Timeless enthusiastically. She then runs over and hugs Roxylishus, who pushes her away.
Roxylishus : Sandy! Come on! Social distancing and all that.
Sandra is the personification of innocence, the all American girl next door, that’s her.
Timeless (enthusiastically) Sandy! Great to see you, what are you doing in town?
Roxylishus : Yeah, what do want?
Sandra : (looks around and see’s the UNO game going) Ohhh! UNO! My favourite! Can I play?
Timeless : Of cou ....
Roxylishus : (interrupting) We are sort of in the middle of a game.
Sandra : This isn’t a game, this is just fun. A game is them silly games Alex would play against Metroid Prime and Giygas.
Timeless : Wow, you rememb ....
Roxylishus : (interrupting) Who doesn’t remember, we sat there and watched you play them games for days and weeks and yes, you beat the Final Bosses.
Sandra : But he did it in such a fashion Sis that we thought anyone could do so, but god no.
Timeless : So Sandy, what are you doing in town?
Roxylishus : Yeah? Sis_ What do you want?
Sandra : Want? I don’t want anything, but to spend time with my beautiful sister.
Timeless : We know, she is just ...
Roxylishus : Just what? What am I just?
Sandra : You are just ... You.
Timeless : No no. She ...
Roxylishus : She what? Stay out of this. It’s always the same with you isn't it Sis_.
Sandra : With me? I am just here to see you! Why is there always a drama anytime I want to see my sister.
Timeless : Can we get back to me beating the Final Bosses? How about that time I wiped the mat with Jubileus and then what about Baby Bowser?
Roxylishus : Yeah yeah. Like any of us give a stuff about your final bosses. Look Sandy, I don’t know what you want, but we got a good thing going here and we don’t need you trying to jump into it and steal our spotlight.
Sandra : Spotlight? I don’t care about any spotlight. You know that. All I have ever done is support you and encourage and relish in your achievements, and all you have ever done is think i wanted to tear them down and make them my own.
Timeless : Yeah, then I creamed Safer Sephiroth (laughs) Super Nova come at ME!
Roxylishus : Please Sandy. You have always pretended to be little miss innocent, look at me, looks at how wholesome I am, mum, watch me ride my bike down the street with no training wheels.
Sandra : Training wheels? Are you like seven?
Roxylishus : You are.
Sandra : I don’t know what I ever did to make you so resentful of me .... all I have done my whole life is look up to you. I watched by google eyed as Jamiroquai wrote Cosmic Girl for you. I saw you defeat the International Champion Attila Balan in singles competition and told everyone, that’s my BIG sister!
Timeless tips the card table over, and stares at both sister, then looks into the camera.
Timeless : I got a bone to pick!
I’m MAD!
Roxylishus and Sandy (together in backing vocals looking together to the camera) : He’s Mad.
Timeless : But I ain’t stressed. Check it! We are hours away from our match against Lucky Linda and her mystery partner at the Inquisition. Then, The Rumbel, then the Cup.
I looked up the XHF website, and I saw Caffrey .... AND Sainovic! Working together in a joint promotional!
Talk about desperation! The lengths people will go to too actually get some attention. Strange thing is it is the only entertaining thing Caffrey has put forth the entire cycle!
Then, to cap it all off, he goes gets some positive feedback from Zoran making his promo, and decides to go double or nothing, gets called on his bluff and is wiped out with a more than desperation, more a pathetic last call at bringing Rebecca Cross in.
Roxylishus : He could bring in the Pope, Trump, Col Sanders and Radu Matei himself from the bottom of the Hudson River. It doesn’t matter. He can knock out 100 butler’s emphasising his whack elbow strikes because you called him out on not knowing any toher moves or being able to lift a infant off their feet, like it makes him look tough. Hey Alfred! Come here. WHAM! (Roxylishus swings a mock lame elbow at Sandy. )
Sandra ducks selling for Roxylishus
Timeless : (to the camera) Hey Sainovic! Fuck you and Fuck your Lair! Fuck Caffrey and him clinging to your jock like it’s his last chance at some sort of play. Fuck Cross for jumping on that sinking ship after it’s already sunk with the other two.
Fuck Vergil and Ganon and every other ‘Final Boss” I have conquered. Want to know what happens when you defeat the ‘Final boss”? Roxylishus : YOU CLOCK THE FUCKEN GAME!
Sandra : (Repeating to keep the Kendrick effect) Clock the Game.
Roxylishus : Something in the water.
Sandra : (again repeating) In the water.
Timeless : Yeah. It’s Radu in the Hudson, and next cock sucker who gets in my road will join him there permanently.
Sandra : I have been following the XHF! You got a big shot coming up at the Rumble and also in the Anzac Cup. You too Roxy, i knew you could make it in this world.
Timeless : She and I are going to steam roll the whole field in the Anzac Cup. Starting with Linda and her ohhh so mysterious partner at Battleground.
Roxylishus : That’s right! She is going to feel the Split Splash! Maybe i will have one waiting for her partner too, maybe a few come the rumble also, we will see.
Sandra : Hottest move in Wrestling!
Timeless : Put’s me out for the three count every night!
Roxylishus and Sandra (together to the camera ) We want the Funk.:
Un_Fade_able.
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Timeless
.::XHF Competitor::.
Posts: 178
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Post by Timeless on Apr 18, 2020 0:09:18 GMT -5
We see a studio setting, SWAT Commentators Jeremy Tucker and Andrew Fulton are seated with Timeless and Roxylishus. Timeless is wearing a SWAT style Baseball top open and he looks impeccable. Roxylishus looks just as good, also in SWAT colors, wearing a SWAT boob tube, them huge melons bursting from the seams of the flimsy material. Tucker and Fulton are wearing sports jackets and they are all seated on a panel line up style setting.
Jeremy Tucker : Welcome SWAT and XHF fans. Welcome to a special broadcast, just days away is the esteemed XHF Royal Rumble, and tonight, Mr Fulton and myself are joined by one of SWAT’s top stars, Timeless Alex Turner and his beautiful valet Roxylishus. Timeless, you have had quite the run at this Rumble.
Timeless : That’s what I do Jerry. I have a red hot crack at every thing in front of me. We, SWAT, have been in the XHF for over a year now, and it’s time they experienced the pinnacle of wrestling live and in color.
Andrew Fulton : Timeless, we have watched your journey after the gold, and man o man, what a journey it has been, we want to go over that journey here tonight.
Roxylishus : (in a seductive tone) How are you Mr Fulton, you look very dashing tonight.
Fulton goes bright red and starts stammering and Tucker jumps in laughing at him.
Jeremy Tucker : Never talked to a pretty girl before Andy?
Timeless : Not one this pretty.
Andrew Fulton : (a beet red face) Ummm ....
Roxylishus : I think the voice of SWAT is a little tongue tied Jerry.
Jeremy Tucker : If only it would last. So Timeless. You started out your campaign making it obvious you were going to target Caffrey and then a trip back in time to bulk buy toilet paper and hand sanitiser.
Timeless : The paper, that was a bit of fun. Caffrey, you are right. I did go out of my way to target him. How he has gotten to where he is in this business is a true mystery to me. You know, when we learned he was to be staying on at SWAT after our Rumble, I couldn’t have been happier, he is a big name on this Network. I got on the blower to the SWAT brass, and I put my hand up and said, give him to me first, I will make look like a million dollars. He looks good, we look good. Ugh. What an bitter disappointment he has been from then on out.
Andrew Fulton : Disappointment? He has been ok.
Timeless : OK? You think he was signed on as our highest paid star, which has been publicly verified by Zoran Sainovic, and which has really ruffled some feathers backstage, to be “OK”? That such a blow heart could come in on more cash then US. I built this place. I have been here since the very return show! If I wasn’t in there each week with the Nasty Ned’s and Henry Browns and Psychotic Goths, you think there would even be a SWAT for the Valentines and 110% Syberus’s. For the Frostbites and Radu Matei’s and Anthony damn Caffreys?. Each and every one of them is head and shoulders above this joker, well, not Ned or Brown, I meant the guys after them. Him earning more coin than us is an insult, and a slap in the face to us. To ME! I take it as a personal affront, and I will take it out on the incompetent fool writing them cheques Sainovic when he brings my belt down to the rumble myself.
Jeremy Tucker : That is what has intrigued me. I thought that you and Sainovic were tight.
Timeless : Alliances in this industry last as long as they can serve both parties and only that long. Sainovic has made it abundantly clear where he stands with the Bandits. Mess with one of us, you mess with us all!
Andrew Fulton : But you are messing with them too from what we see Timeless.
Roxylishus : What we do in our own family is our business, but if someone else sticks their nose in, then they must answer to ALL of us!
Jeremy Tucker : So, let’s move to the next promo, going back in time to prevent Ozzy Osbourne from eating the bat in hope to save the world in the process. That sure was something.
Timeless : That was a Hail Mary, or, as Rat would call it, a “Hell Mary”, but it was a heckl of a lot of fun. Maybe we should have gone to the Pankot Palace.
Andrew Fulton : I think they ate brains there, not bats.
Roxylishus : Same same.
Jeremy Tucker : It was some wild ride, then up next, you went to Niagara Falls and went to town on some of the XHF’s finest.
Timeless : Finest?
Timeless laughs and Roxylishus joins in the laughter, Fulton then joins in also.
Andrew Fulton : I loved when you gave all the analogies of who you are and who Caffrey is. My favourite was you are Jim Morrison and he is John Denver.
Roxylishus : My favourite was you are scotch and steak. He’s milk and FUCKIN COOKIES!!!! Cause you know, I love me a good steak and scotch, and he DID cut a lame promo baking cookies!
Jeremy Tucker : Mine was you are Marty and he is George. Loved the time travel reference in it.
Knuckles Jeremy’s forehead.Timeless : Hellooo? McFly???? Did you see him crying afterwards, that I made fun of his looks. (Timeless chuckles) What’s not to make fun of?
Andrew Fulton : That was right in the same breath as him naming you his biggest threat in the rumble.
Roxylishus : That was the closest Caffrey’s been to getting anything right all cycle. Only thing is, Caffrey see’s us now as a threat, we see him as an ant to be stepped on. A PISS ANT!
Jeremy Tucker : What about some of the non SWAT entrants, sure with You, Goth, Callahan, Caffrey and Zoran IS walking in Champion! We have 5 of the top chances in this thing, but there are many other people staking their claims also. DT! Rat Bastard. Michael Storm. Chris Card. Tarrasque.
Timeless : Please. Like any of them can hold a candle to ME! Frankly Jerry, most of them guys, they bore me to god damn tears, I can’t believe how much they rattle on about absolutely NOTHING! I will give them some credit though, they are trying. Like Michael Storm, the guy says all the right things, but it’s just lacking that one certain element. It’s called a star factor, and no matter how many stupid yacht’s you sit on, it doesn’t help you any if you have the charisma of a slug. In full seriousness, I can not bring myself to sit though one single promotional of his. I just can’t do it. At least Caffrey, while being totally inept in the ring, at least he actually believes what he is saying. Sure, it’s a crock of shit, but, HE believes it! Storm, he think’s he believes it, he tells himself over and over he believes it, then, he lays in bed at night, staring at the ceiling and the self doubt creeps in. Can I really win the rumble he asks himself? FUCK NO! You can’t win it!
Andrew Fulton : Let’s move on to the most talked about promotional in the cycle, when you dressed up as Caffrey and Roxylishus interviewed you.
Roxylishus : The highlight of the Rumble! Did you see them Force Lightning bolts coming out of my Empress fingers? That was the coolest thing ever.
Jeremy Tucker : It was brutal, no holds were barred.
Timeless : And no fucks are given Jerry. This guy Caffrey, he loses ONE match. One single match and his whole world falls apart and he has to reinvent himself as a Wrestling Emperor. And how does he do so, he smashes a mirror, either in a rage of losing or staring in to it to see the dweep I told him he is and then .... he has a shave. Wow! He shaved his whack beard off, what a huge character revamp, most certainly Emperor worthy.
Andrew Fulton : Wow, when you put it like that?
Roxylishus : How else is there to put it! It’s what happened!
Jeremy Tucker : Let’s keep this moving. Next, you went to the SWAT Academy and addressed the latest batch of students.
Timeless : That was invigorating. I schooled them and the whole network who were watching.
Andrew Fulton : Some called it a pipe bomb.
Roxylishus : Fuck them and their ‘pipe bombs’. Timeless tells it like it is, that was a crash course on wrestling 101 for the entire XHF and SWAT Academy.
Jeremy Tucker : It was a home run. Then, we went back ten years to see your now passed father, and a young Timeless hitting Home Runs in the process.
Timeless : Nice segway Jerry.
Andrew Fulton : It was a touching moment, a look if you will at the man behind Timeless.
Roxylishus : Every time he goes back there it breaks my heart all over again.
Jeremy Tucker : You were a lucky kid to have such a supporting father, I am sure you were a handful for him and to see the way he doted on you, that your visits have made him aware of what you have become and when you look at him after seeing you, you see a man at peace with where he is.
Timeless : He made me who I am. He taught me it is ok to believe in myself, and that others who call it arrogant and egotistical, or a Mary Jane, they don’t have what it takes to be the best, that if you don’t believe you are the best, no one else will. To make it in this world, and by make it, I mean to be THE very best ... you need to have a bit of mongrel in you ... you need to want it more than anyone else wants it. Pure talent alone is not enough.
Andrew Fulton : A life lesson if ever I heard one.
Roxylishus : Next time, I want to meet him too. After you win, WE are going back to see him and bringing the X Crown with us.
Jeremy Tucker : Then, if that wasn’t enough. Then you went to the shooting range. What were you thinking walking past all them flying bullets?
Timeless : It was simple Jerry. I was showing the world I am indeed Bulletproof. Loses wash off me like water off a ducks back. Why? Because the fans all know I should have won.
Andrew Fulton : I have been thinking after that video to become a shooting instructor.
Roxylishus : I am sure you have. How’s your aim?
Jeremy Tucker : It’s terrible and he shoots blanks too. Let’s move on, after the shooting range, we all then met Roxylishus’ sister, Sandy. You guys played some Uno and then a little Kendrick singalong to boot.
Timeless : And .......
Andrew Fulton : And Jerry is full of it, I don’t shoot blanks and my aim is ok. When I miss, i just line up the next victim, until one agree’s.
Roxylishus : And ..... we also saw all of the previous final bosses Timeless has conquered!
Jeremy Tucker : That’s right. That was a clever inclusion.
Timeless : I would call it, a Boss Move..
Andrew Fulton : I haven’t heard of half of them games.
Roxylishus : I have. Ugh. I watched him play them all.
Roxylishus rolls her eyes and pushes her breasts out towards the camera.
Jeremy Tucker : Well, there you have it folks. What a journey it has been. We encourage all of you to tune into the XHF Royal Rumble, are we sitting with the winner? Time will tell.
Timeless : Time sure will tell. Time_less.
Andrew Fulton : Thanks for your time and all the best come the Rumble.
Roxylishus : We want the funk!
Un fade able.
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