The Awesome Reality of Steve Awesome 2: Training Day

[Steve Awesome]

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-~THE AWESOME REALITY OF STEVE AWESOME~-

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Steve Awesome (voice over narration):“Hey gang! It’s everyone’s favorite; Steve Awesome, and you are rolling with me on my awesome road to the XHF Rumble. just like I promised….It’s Training Day. I’m a world renowned athlete and current world champion, so I don’t just train with any old douche. I train with the absolute best.!

{We see an overhead view of a respectable gym in South Philly, called the Pamand Gym.}

Steve Awesome (voice over narration): Come along and see what we got for you today!

~~interview box~~
Doug Pamand -
Owner of Pamand Gym/Personal Trainer
“I was asked to take on this job because I have a good reputation for really bringing out the best in people and making them true athletes. I said yes because Steve Awesome had a credible background and he looked to be in great shape. I considered the job and talked about it in great detail with my wife and family, and eventually I decided this would be a good thing and I agreed to the job. They….also paid the fee so….”

{Doug gives a humble shrug.}

~~interview box~~
Steve Awesome -
Current IWF Champion/Future XHF Rumble Winner
“The rumble is going to be intense. I know how grueling a rumble can be, especially if you draw an early number. I know that the earlier you get into that rumble the more endurance you are going to need to win, so that’s what I want to work on! I know a lot of the guys around here like to talk trash and make jokes and try to prove who has the biggest hard on for themselves.”

{Steve shakes his head.}

“We all know it’s me. So why would you all even bother?”

{He laughs out loud and then shakes his head and waved off the topic.}

“But that's besides the point. I’m saying that I need the best trainers to really bring out my absolute best inner athlete. I need to find that inner fifth gear. With forty other competitors in this thing, you have to be an absolute cardio and endurance monster! I heard Doug Pamand is the best. I heard Pamand Gym has a great reputation. So while these jerks want to make jokes and talk trash, I’m going to make sure I’m in tip top physical condition! I’m out here working with the absolute best to make me a true superior athlete here at Pamand Gym!”

{Steve pounds his fist into his palm.}

“....and afterward….I think I want to watch The Office for some reason….”

{He shrugs.}

Steve Awesome: nine...hundred...thousand..ninety seven….

{The ridges on Doug Pamand’s stern forehead seemed to travel all the way up his bald head as his newest trainee struggled to finish the push up he was on.}

Steve Awesome: nine….hundred..thousand....ninety eight….

{Steve’s arms struggled and wobbled as he pushed his body weight up against gravity.}

Steve Awesome: nine….hun...dred…thou....sand....nine...tyyyy….nine.

{Steve laid down flat on the ground and he breathed heavy. He wasn’t sure if he could push the last one up. Steve Awesome then shook his head and he gritted his teeth. Like the primal hunter of an athlete Steve was, he took the proverbial bite out of his prey; adversity. He planted his palms and pushed up with aggression.}

Steve Awesome: two thouSAND!!

{Steve collapses and Doug Pamand waits in anticipation to see if Steve has the strength to pull himself back up. Moments later he rolls to his back, throws his legs into the air and kips up like nothing happened. Doug glances up at the camera crew. Clearly he was amazed by the feat like everyone else.}

Steve Awesome: Two thousand push ups.

{The champ smirks to himself showing how proud he was of his achievement. He grabs a towel to wipe off the sweat and he takes a drink from his water bottle.}

Steve Awesome: That ought to be good enough for a warm up, eh Doug?

{Steve beams with pride and takes a swig of his water.}

Doug Pamand: You literally did four push ups.

{Steve almost chokes on his swig.}

Steve Awesome: oh well ugh, Doooug! You ruined the take, Duhhhg! You were supposed to say how cool and super sweet I looked doing two thousand pushups for my warm up video, Duhhhhhhggggg. I can’t believe no one smartened you up on how this works. Now we are going to have to re do the take. Duhhhhhhgggggggahh!

{Steve looks into the camera and makes the cut motion under his neck.}

Steve Awesome: Cut it, we will do it again.

Voice (from Off Set): We are doing a Facebook live exclusive, we can’t redo it. We uhh….we didnt know you were going to do that….

{Steve facepalms and grunts in disappointment.}

Steve Awesome: Oh god damn it. I didn’t know you were going Facebook live. So everyone saw you all look like idiots and ruin my great training session? You should have told me!

Voice (from off set): We just figured you were going to actually like work out.

Steve Awesome: Hasn’t anyone here taken an improv class for crying out loud? I can’t believe you amateurs ruined a great moment for my Rumble win hype video! Cut it and wrap it up, we’re out.

{Steve makes the scissor hand symbol, then a thumbs up then pulls it all away. Doug Pamand gets in his way before Steve can storm out.}

Doug Pamand: Well wait, don’t you want to at least get an actual training session? I mean you came all this way, and your producers paid the money. You may as well stay and actually put some hard work and effort in here at the Pamand Gym.

Steve Awesome: Uhhh…

{Steve doesn’t look very excited about the idea. In fact, he’s sorta scanning the perimeter looking for an exit.}

Doug Pamand: It shouldn’t be hard for a superior athlete like yourself. Whaddaya say?

{Steve Awesome stands and realizes he’s being stared at by everyone in the gym, and all the millions of quarantined people watching on Facebook like.}

Steve Awesome:....I guess…

~~interview box~~
Steve Awesome:
15 Minutes Later
“*gooza...hubbuh…*”

{Out of breath, shaking his head.}

“*guh* me and that trainer do not mesh well.”

{He holds up his index finger and takes an extra moment to catch his breath. Once he was okay he continued on.}

“It’s not that I couldn’t do the training….”

{He looks up and glares into the camera.}

“...and whatever Doug Pamand says in person or on social media is a straight up lie….just want to put that out there….”

{His eyes get shifty.}

“....I’ve just done his type of training a million times. Doug Pamand and I didn’t connect on that level that I need out of a trainer. This is the Rumble we are talking about here. You got loads of hungry competitors and each and every one of them filled to the brim with dreams and aspirations. I’m not going to be able to adapt to each and every opponent if I’m sitting here doing the same reps over and over again.”

{He shakes his head as he starts to ponder his new problem.}

“I need a trainer that understands that I need flexibility. That I need to be able to flow like some type of water like substance….”

{He scratched his chin as he considered an answer. The camera slowly zoomed into his face and then faded out.}

{Fade into to a close up of Steve’s face. This time with a wide smile and shear joy in his eyes. The camera zooms out to reveal that Steve was now standing in a yoga clinic, surrounded by really curvy girls in yoga pants.}

Steve Awesome: Jack pot….

~~interview box~~
Melissa Otheridge:
Instructor of Flowing Sisters Yoga/Smokin Hott
“Look I agreed to this on a real short notice. This is kind of an all girls type of place. I’m not really supposed to let men in but they paid me, so Steve better take this seriously as he is taking his XHF Rumble Training.

Melissa Otheridge: Come on Steve, we don’t have all day.

{The really hot yoga instructor crossed her arms and tapped her foot as she waited in front of the changing room. Shortly after, Steve Awesome stepped out of the room wearing some obscenely tight yoga pants of his own that showed off his super sexy curves. Melissa took one look at him and put her hands on her hips.}

Melissa Otheridge: I thought you were going to take this seriously! What is that? A Cucumber in your pants?

Steve Awesome: Oh no, it’s something you’re gonna like much better…I call it my Warrior Two.

{Steve grins from ear to ear and raises his eyebrows up and down.}

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 I can't believe they kicked us out of that place….

{We hard cut to Steve Awesome sitting in his big red comfy interview chair. He has the IWF Championship presented on a pedestal next to him.}

I’ve never been so unwanted and wanted in one place like that before…..

He shrugs off the strange thought and sighs.

I guess it’s harder than I thought to find a trainer that will vibe with me. But you know, the more I really think about it, the more I start to think that maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe I can’t find a trainer that can get on my level because there is no trainer that can get to my level?

Like, clearly, I was born with an unnatural amount of talent.

More than most of the losers in the rumble.

I’ve been able to refine, reinvent and stay on top of wrestling for twenty years.

Some of these kids in this rumble were shitting their pants when I was winning my first XHF titles.

{He smirks.}

And here I am making them all shit their pants again.

{He laughs at his own joke.}

“Maybe I just bring something to the table that you really can’t train for?”

{He grows silent. You could tell he was quickly adding this latest illusion of grandeur into the horde he kept in his mind.}

“Well, either way, trainer or no trainer, I still plan on bringing the thunder. I still plan on bringing everything I got. I’m going to do everything that it takes to achieve my goals in that Rumble. And most of the others probably have dreams and aspirations to win this Rumble because you want to finally win the big one and be x crown champion. You want to achieve legend status within the ranks of the XHF and be respected among your peers.”

{He waves off the thought like it stunk of garbage.}

“That is some rookie, year one, mark of themselves and the business, grade A dookie garbage!”

{He takes a sip of water.}

“See me? I’m here in the Rumble, because I want to come down to the ring, look at all you smug ass XHF Network roster fucks right in your eyes, kick you square in the dicks, and send you flying straight over the top rope. Then I’m going to laugh in your faces all the way to my second X Crown Championship reign. Because I want that X Crown Championship muh-nay baybeeee! And I sure as hell don’t need extensive training to crush dreams and fuck people over...

{He smirked.}

“I’ve been doing it my whole life….”

{His smirk slowly fades away.}

“Though I wish we at least got some decent work out footage for a good hype reel.”

Voice (Off Set): Well we do have one more gym we could go to with another trainer. Its pretty late to schedule a training session but we could at least get that footage you wanted.

{Steve glances at his expensive Rolex wristwatch and shrugs his shoulders.}

"okay, what the hell let’s go”

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Steve Awesome: You know come to think of it….

{The XHF Legend said. You could barely see Steve himself; it was so dark. You could hear the steps and the background noises and everything seemed wet and damp for some reason. Steve could barely even see his watch in front of his face in this dark damp strange basement he and the crew found themselves in.}

Steve Awesome: ….it does kind of seem late to schedule a training session….

{Steve took a few splooshy steps forward and accidentally ran into something. A member of the film crew flashed a light and the machine looked kind of like a work out bench but something didn’t look right about it.}

Steve Awesome: So Uh, what did you say the name of this place was?

Voice (Off Set): The name of this gym is called Dominators Dungeon.

{It was about that time Steve grabbed the flashlight from the crew member and shined it on the wall. The light revealed some weights and dumb bells that had a very phallic like shape to him. In fact they, he had a sneaking suspicion that they weren’t weights and dumb bells at all.}

Steve Awesome: Oh….My…god, their dildos!

{Suddenly a freakishly huge hairy man in a leather bikini and mask steps into the room cracking a whip!}

Unsettling Man: Das safeword ist Bezirksschornsteinfegermeister.

{The lights suddenly start to strobe at a confusing speed and everyone in the room starts to scramble through the room. The camera falls to the ground and you just see people’s feet running in all directions in complete chaos. You can hear Steve’s voice somewhere off camera.}

Steve Awesome (off set): Ahh where’s the exit!? I can’t find it! Oh no it’s him!

{Shuffling. Wooden objects falling to the ground.}

Steve Awesome (off set): Oh god what the hell was that safe word? Uhh burger miester? Buga Miyerwitzs? Scuba Dooby Doobawitz? Casablacamiester?

{More shuffling and crashing is heard. Different grunts that fall on different parts of the getting off on this spectrum.}

Steve Awesome (off set): AHH! WOAH! Kasger, Casbah, Kaja? Kaja? Kajagoogoo!? KAJAGOOGOO!?

{Another loud thud and a terrified scream.}

Steve Awesome (off set): KAJAGOOGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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-~THE AWESOME REALITY OF STEVE AWESOME~-

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~~interview box~~
Steve Awesome:
"Swears nothing happened"

“I uh…..”

{He had his knees pressed up against his chest and his arms wrapped around them like a sat upright fetal position.}

“I don’t wanna talk about it….

{He suddenly and quickly turns and looks behind himself, flinching at nothing.}

{Slow Fade}