Good Luck, Kid. [Card Rumble #2]
Apr 5, 2020 12:09:04 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Justin, and 2 more like this
Post by Technical Perfection on Apr 5, 2020 12:09:04 GMT -5
Chris Card’s luxury yacht. Chris and his lovely wife Diana are below decks in a private room. The weighted plates and cutlery, at sea you need weighted eating equipment so they don’t fly everywhere if you hit a wave, sit on the table, a simple meal having been prepared and eaten. Diana clutches her wine glass and downs the last of the Merlot that was contained within. She speaks, a little frustration in her voice, tension caused by this involuntary luxury voyage.
Diana Card: Chris, honey. Can you call the staff to clean up?
Chris’ reply is calm. Known for his unshakeable temprement, Chris is serene, dignified even in the trying times that have forced him and his wife to take the naval route to self isolation.
Chris Card: Of course. That’s why we pay them. Tell you what, I’m going to go and record another quick video for those on the Network and then let’s Netflix and chill in the Captain’s quarters.
Diana Card: I hope the signal strength is stronger than last night. It went all blocky and pixelated during
Chris Card: Well, sometimes in times of great global crisis, everyone has to suffer a little. Even us, honey. Still, with all the death and financial ruin this virus is causing, I think we can accept a little choppy video when Patrick Stewart speaks. I guess it’s the little things we notice.
There is a slight not of sadness in Diana’s voice as she raises the topic
Diana Card: I do miss home. Home comforts. The satisfaction of knowing your surroundings. This watery home is no life for a long stretch. But it is, with the proper testing, completely reliably safe.
Chris Card: Me too. But I have you here, I have supplies and a network of secluded drops to pick more up. Which reminds me. How would you like to spend an afternoon on a private beach on Bermuda?
Diana Card: That does sound fantastic.
Chris Card: Of course, you won’t get to socialize with any of the locals. Might get a little flu that way.
Diana Card: You can’t be too careful.
Chris Card: You cannot. That’s why I have arranged to keep the area well clear of the help. It’s like organizing a dead drop for ransom money… I presume. I’ve never had to deal with that.
Diana Card: This is one of the reasons I stay well away from the ring in your crazy little industry.
Card forms a small smile as he contemplates his life and situation. He speaks with conviction having formed his next thought.
Cut to half an hour later. Card is back on deck, a generous measure of scotch in a tumbler in his hand. Today he has chosen his rarely seen dark purple suit, just for a bit of a change with black accessories. He winks a the camera he has set up, picture quality being surprisingly good considering this message is being sent over satellite internet which is, quite frankly, not the best, especially for broadcast. But the blocky at times picture is still enough for Card to get his message across and that’s what counts. Card casually leans back in his deckchair (monogrammed on the back because branding, damnit!) and swishes his whisky around the glass before starting.
Chris Card: Good afternoon XHF fans. And what lovely weather we’re having today. It means I can broadcast from the deck and it also means that the seas are nice and calm. Smooth sailing today. Very much unlike the XHF Rumble which will have so many random elements, you have to navigate choppy waters right the way through. Still, a skilled enough sailor of the seas of fortune should be able to navigate a path to victory. And there is no one who knows the ebbs and flows of the tides of a wrestling match like my good self.
The lapping of the waves on the sides of the boat provide a strongly appropriate backdrop to Card busting out the nautical metaphors. There is some levity in Card’s voice and even a small chuckle. This is all by design.
Chris Card: I note that Anthony Caffrey called me out. I mean, I admire your spirit, Anthony. But given that you jumped from AWF because you were accruing too many losses in too short a space of time, do you really think poking at me is a good move? You know there is a long established tradition in these battle royales that you pick on the weak, the easy prey. Those who are outside the favourites. You really should only go for someone you KNOW you can beat.
Card’s voice is kind of lilting. Having spent time back in Halifax, even with minimal social contact, the port where his ship was docked, his stronger Canadian tones come through. You can change where you live, but you can never change where you’re from, eh?
Chris Card: Basically you can treat this like you treat your career. When you’re at an advantage press it. Defeat those who are inferior to you. And when you’re overmatched, not that you will ever admit it publicly, you know when you’re outgunned, you move to a different target. Like when you walked from the AWF. That showed that you have, above all, learned to pick your battles wisely and picking your battles wisely is how you’re supposed to handle a Rumble. But you forgot that when you decided, rather hamfistedly, to come after me verbally. That, Caffrey, was a mistake.
Raising his eyebrows to accentuate his point, Card pauses and takes a sip of Scotch before continuing.
Chris Card: Let’s demonstrate that in a war of words, I’m the one who brings only the biggest and most technologically advanced guns. Here’s the skinny, the 411 if you will on a point you raised. Was making my training centre a desperate act in order to stay relevant? Caffrey, I will ALWAYS be relevant. I have such a body of work over the last twenty plus years that people will be comparing other wrestlers to me long after I’ve hung up the boots. Those who sit at home and fantasy book their wrestling shows already write my name down and argue about how I compare to the greats of the 80s and 90s. They bicker about which era of Chris Card is the greatest. I’ve even, and I looked this one up when I was bored, seen people argue whether 2006 Chris Card could beat 2016 Chris Card. And how Chris Card in 2020 stacks up against my younger selves. I’m a Hall of Famer. A legend in the industry. Relevance is not an issue.
There is little humility in Card’s voice. Usually quite self effacing, sometimes you need to be a little stronger with your words to demonstrate what you’re saying. And so the usually quite grounded can switch on pride like a faucet if it coveys a message more properly.
Chris Card: So why did I start my training centre? Because I wanted to. And what Chris Card wants, Chris Card gets. Why did I put my name on the sign? Because I’m a draw. I wanted to train the next generation of stars and the best way to get people to actually turn up was to use my greatest asset to advertise it. My greatest asset? The Chris Card Brand. I sell out arenas worldwide. So are you going to turn up to a random wrestling school or are you going to go to one that you know that one of the best technical wrestlers of his generation is running? It’s not even close.
Card mimes there being two choices with overly dramatic movements of his free hand. The hand holding the glass, however is merely used to dispense another sip of precious whisky into his mouth and Card emits a satisfied sigh as the warming alcohol flows down his throat. Leaning into the camera Card’s tone turns accusative as he continues.
Chris Card: Maybe you’re projecting? Do YOU feel there’s a desperate need for you to stay relevant and are so poor at judging others without using yourself as a framework that you place your own hang ups on others? Newsflash, Caffrey. Not everyone is like you. Not everyone has your endless need to sate their own ego, your shaky psychological base. I understand that you have precisely zero empathy, zero ability to relate to others. That’s why your attitude is more toxic than a polonium and arsenic smoothie . You have an unquenchable desire to win. To win every argument, every little psychological battle and most importantly every wrestling match that you have ever been a part of.
There is almost a sigh of resignation, as if he is attempting to get something to change within Caffrey but knows, deep down, that nothing ever will. The frustrated psychologist.
Chris Card: You see, Caffrey you define yourself completely by your win-loss record. Winning wrestling matches is the single most important thing to you. You counted the days of your AXW title reign so loud and proud that people in neighbouring states could hear you. Anthony Caffrey wins wrestling matches. It’s an easy concept to understand. But here’s the thing. Either you’re trying to spin your AWF departure because you truly, deeply believe that the best federation is always the federation with you in or you are haphazardly covering your ass from criticism from people who can’t see riiiiiiiiiiight through you.
The extension on the “I” sound for effect is away from Card’s normal speech pattern. Its jarring to someone who is used to how he speaks. Not a verbal tic and not a trick Card uses frequently.
Chris Card: Of course, someone who defines themselves purely by how many matches they win cannot ever allow themselves to be put in a position where they lose on a regular basis. That’s why you freed yourself from your AWF contract. The ever dominant champion of AXW turned quickly into a highly talented upper card act in AWF with a decent but far from perfect record. Never the top dog, mind. Certainly not invincible. You couldn’t cope with the higher standard of competition that the AWF offered you. The Year Of Caffrey where you promised, swore blind, that you’d go the whole year undefeated came rapidly unstuck when you actually faced people who can beat you. People… like me.
Smiling as he recalls his fairly recent recent victory over Caffrey, the confidence in Card’s voice would, if it were a liquid, flood the decks of his boat and cause it to sink down into the briny blue forever. Unfortunately for his opponents, it isn’t.
Chris Card: Our personal series stands at one all. We’re tied. You’ve given me two hellishly difficult matches and even managed to beat me in one of them. Well done. I congratulate you for that because unlike you, I’m a good loser and a humble winner. You, however, wail and moan and gnash your teeth about the inequities of life whenever you lose and lord it over your opponents when you win. This is why I, despite my well publicized character flaws, am still a far better person than you.
Coming from a man who knows damn well he’s a sleazebag and completely morally bankrupt, that was a stinging barb. Taking another sip of whisky.
Chris Card: I lost my title. I lost my championship streak. And what did I do? I dusted myself off, I learned from my mistakes and I got back on with being the best professional wrestler I can be. You, Caffrey, blame other people for your mistakes and therefore you never learn from them. Do you want to know why I beat you in our second match? It’s easy to understand. I learned from our first one.
A sharp grin. Getting a little better every day has always been Card’s method. It usually pays dividens.
Chris Card: What you have proved to me, to the fans, to the whole world is that you, Caffrey, are the best hitter in Triple A. You are the guy who goes out and bats .350 for the Boondock RiverPigs but can’t break .220 in the majors. And that burns you to your very core. You can explain away your departure from AWF any way you want but it’s not fooling me. It’s not fooling the fans. But those explanations aren’t meant for us. They’re meant for yourself. You need to feel that you made the right decision and maybe you can convince yourself of that. But all you are doing is showing your weaknesses for everyone to hear.
Card takes another sip as his tone turns darker, colder, more fiercely analytical. This is no longer a wrestling promo. This is a dissection of a man’s character. And that’s the Canadian’s speciality.
Chris Card: You’ve always needed to be the biggest fish in the pond, Caffrey. And in AWF you weren’t. So you changed pond. But this? This is the XHF Rumble. This is Lake Superior and you are only one small fish within it. Look at all the talent you are surrounded by. And so many of them hate you because compared to me, even with all my numerous character flaws, you are an intensely detestable person. You scoff at my teaming up with Cross Recoba, my long time tag team partner and my friend. Why? Because you have no friends. You just view people as tools, instruments for your own greater success. You alienate everyone around you with your vocalising of your so called superiority. You’re winning at this social isolation game. You’ve been socially isolating yourself for years.
Card chuckles again.
Chris Card: Sure, me and Cross argue at times about things. But when we argue, we move our positions slowly until we reach a consensus. That’s how adults deal with things. You have shown through your time on the Network that you hammer a point home and never budge from your original stance. That’s why all your friends have drifted away from you. That and your superiority complex leading to you never being able to treat anyone as your equal.
Card rolls his eyes theatrically. There is almost a little tut emitted from his lips to go with that.
Chris Card: I’d be a fool to denigrate your skills as a professional wrestler. Though you lack the sudden strike ability of myself and have too slow, too patient a game to effectively fight in the Rumble, you’re still going to put spanners in a few people’s works. But if your best chance of winning, and it is, is to break everyone else’s ankle and THEN throw them out, you had better hope to get a late draw and the ring to be nearly clear when you enter.
Card pauses, finishing off the last gulp of his Scotch and moves to a contemplative tone as he considers his relative advantages in the Rumble to Caffrey.
Chris Card: While I Calling Card and Maritime Hurricane my way through the competition, you will flounder against a crowd of people who detest you and every inch of the ground you walk on. You seem to take having a huge bullseye on your back as a thing to be proud of. Trust me, and seeing as I’m contradicting you there is no way in hell you will agree with this, that’s a VERY BAD THING.
The emphasis on the last three words comes from using a louder volume level in his voice than the usual eternally calm demeanour. When Chris Card raises his voice he throws a ton of extra meaning behind anything he says.
Chris Card: I think Rudyard Kipling put it best. “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same… Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, and—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!”
With an impish grin towards the camera, Card finishes his speech with a simple, patronising sentence.
Chris Card: Good luck... kid.
Diana Card: Chris, honey. Can you call the staff to clean up?
Chris’ reply is calm. Known for his unshakeable temprement, Chris is serene, dignified even in the trying times that have forced him and his wife to take the naval route to self isolation.
Chris Card: Of course. That’s why we pay them. Tell you what, I’m going to go and record another quick video for those on the Network and then let’s Netflix and chill in the Captain’s quarters.
Diana Card: I hope the signal strength is stronger than last night. It went all blocky and pixelated during
Chris Card: Well, sometimes in times of great global crisis, everyone has to suffer a little. Even us, honey. Still, with all the death and financial ruin this virus is causing, I think we can accept a little choppy video when Patrick Stewart speaks. I guess it’s the little things we notice.
There is a slight not of sadness in Diana’s voice as she raises the topic
Diana Card: I do miss home. Home comforts. The satisfaction of knowing your surroundings. This watery home is no life for a long stretch. But it is, with the proper testing, completely reliably safe.
Chris Card: Me too. But I have you here, I have supplies and a network of secluded drops to pick more up. Which reminds me. How would you like to spend an afternoon on a private beach on Bermuda?
Diana Card: That does sound fantastic.
Chris Card: Of course, you won’t get to socialize with any of the locals. Might get a little flu that way.
Diana Card: You can’t be too careful.
Chris Card: You cannot. That’s why I have arranged to keep the area well clear of the help. It’s like organizing a dead drop for ransom money… I presume. I’ve never had to deal with that.
Diana Card: This is one of the reasons I stay well away from the ring in your crazy little industry.
Card forms a small smile as he contemplates his life and situation. He speaks with conviction having formed his next thought.
Chris Card: Crazy though it may be, I wouldn’t walk away for anything.
Cut to half an hour later. Card is back on deck, a generous measure of scotch in a tumbler in his hand. Today he has chosen his rarely seen dark purple suit, just for a bit of a change with black accessories. He winks a the camera he has set up, picture quality being surprisingly good considering this message is being sent over satellite internet which is, quite frankly, not the best, especially for broadcast. But the blocky at times picture is still enough for Card to get his message across and that’s what counts. Card casually leans back in his deckchair (monogrammed on the back because branding, damnit!) and swishes his whisky around the glass before starting.
Chris Card: Good afternoon XHF fans. And what lovely weather we’re having today. It means I can broadcast from the deck and it also means that the seas are nice and calm. Smooth sailing today. Very much unlike the XHF Rumble which will have so many random elements, you have to navigate choppy waters right the way through. Still, a skilled enough sailor of the seas of fortune should be able to navigate a path to victory. And there is no one who knows the ebbs and flows of the tides of a wrestling match like my good self.
The lapping of the waves on the sides of the boat provide a strongly appropriate backdrop to Card busting out the nautical metaphors. There is some levity in Card’s voice and even a small chuckle. This is all by design.
Chris Card: I note that Anthony Caffrey called me out. I mean, I admire your spirit, Anthony. But given that you jumped from AWF because you were accruing too many losses in too short a space of time, do you really think poking at me is a good move? You know there is a long established tradition in these battle royales that you pick on the weak, the easy prey. Those who are outside the favourites. You really should only go for someone you KNOW you can beat.
Card’s voice is kind of lilting. Having spent time back in Halifax, even with minimal social contact, the port where his ship was docked, his stronger Canadian tones come through. You can change where you live, but you can never change where you’re from, eh?
Chris Card: Basically you can treat this like you treat your career. When you’re at an advantage press it. Defeat those who are inferior to you. And when you’re overmatched, not that you will ever admit it publicly, you know when you’re outgunned, you move to a different target. Like when you walked from the AWF. That showed that you have, above all, learned to pick your battles wisely and picking your battles wisely is how you’re supposed to handle a Rumble. But you forgot that when you decided, rather hamfistedly, to come after me verbally. That, Caffrey, was a mistake.
Raising his eyebrows to accentuate his point, Card pauses and takes a sip of Scotch before continuing.
Chris Card: Let’s demonstrate that in a war of words, I’m the one who brings only the biggest and most technologically advanced guns. Here’s the skinny, the 411 if you will on a point you raised. Was making my training centre a desperate act in order to stay relevant? Caffrey, I will ALWAYS be relevant. I have such a body of work over the last twenty plus years that people will be comparing other wrestlers to me long after I’ve hung up the boots. Those who sit at home and fantasy book their wrestling shows already write my name down and argue about how I compare to the greats of the 80s and 90s. They bicker about which era of Chris Card is the greatest. I’ve even, and I looked this one up when I was bored, seen people argue whether 2006 Chris Card could beat 2016 Chris Card. And how Chris Card in 2020 stacks up against my younger selves. I’m a Hall of Famer. A legend in the industry. Relevance is not an issue.
There is little humility in Card’s voice. Usually quite self effacing, sometimes you need to be a little stronger with your words to demonstrate what you’re saying. And so the usually quite grounded can switch on pride like a faucet if it coveys a message more properly.
Chris Card: So why did I start my training centre? Because I wanted to. And what Chris Card wants, Chris Card gets. Why did I put my name on the sign? Because I’m a draw. I wanted to train the next generation of stars and the best way to get people to actually turn up was to use my greatest asset to advertise it. My greatest asset? The Chris Card Brand. I sell out arenas worldwide. So are you going to turn up to a random wrestling school or are you going to go to one that you know that one of the best technical wrestlers of his generation is running? It’s not even close.
Card mimes there being two choices with overly dramatic movements of his free hand. The hand holding the glass, however is merely used to dispense another sip of precious whisky into his mouth and Card emits a satisfied sigh as the warming alcohol flows down his throat. Leaning into the camera Card’s tone turns accusative as he continues.
Chris Card: Maybe you’re projecting? Do YOU feel there’s a desperate need for you to stay relevant and are so poor at judging others without using yourself as a framework that you place your own hang ups on others? Newsflash, Caffrey. Not everyone is like you. Not everyone has your endless need to sate their own ego, your shaky psychological base. I understand that you have precisely zero empathy, zero ability to relate to others. That’s why your attitude is more toxic than a polonium and arsenic smoothie . You have an unquenchable desire to win. To win every argument, every little psychological battle and most importantly every wrestling match that you have ever been a part of.
There is almost a sigh of resignation, as if he is attempting to get something to change within Caffrey but knows, deep down, that nothing ever will. The frustrated psychologist.
Chris Card: You see, Caffrey you define yourself completely by your win-loss record. Winning wrestling matches is the single most important thing to you. You counted the days of your AXW title reign so loud and proud that people in neighbouring states could hear you. Anthony Caffrey wins wrestling matches. It’s an easy concept to understand. But here’s the thing. Either you’re trying to spin your AWF departure because you truly, deeply believe that the best federation is always the federation with you in or you are haphazardly covering your ass from criticism from people who can’t see riiiiiiiiiiight through you.
The extension on the “I” sound for effect is away from Card’s normal speech pattern. Its jarring to someone who is used to how he speaks. Not a verbal tic and not a trick Card uses frequently.
Chris Card: Of course, someone who defines themselves purely by how many matches they win cannot ever allow themselves to be put in a position where they lose on a regular basis. That’s why you freed yourself from your AWF contract. The ever dominant champion of AXW turned quickly into a highly talented upper card act in AWF with a decent but far from perfect record. Never the top dog, mind. Certainly not invincible. You couldn’t cope with the higher standard of competition that the AWF offered you. The Year Of Caffrey where you promised, swore blind, that you’d go the whole year undefeated came rapidly unstuck when you actually faced people who can beat you. People… like me.
Smiling as he recalls his fairly recent recent victory over Caffrey, the confidence in Card’s voice would, if it were a liquid, flood the decks of his boat and cause it to sink down into the briny blue forever. Unfortunately for his opponents, it isn’t.
Chris Card: Our personal series stands at one all. We’re tied. You’ve given me two hellishly difficult matches and even managed to beat me in one of them. Well done. I congratulate you for that because unlike you, I’m a good loser and a humble winner. You, however, wail and moan and gnash your teeth about the inequities of life whenever you lose and lord it over your opponents when you win. This is why I, despite my well publicized character flaws, am still a far better person than you.
Coming from a man who knows damn well he’s a sleazebag and completely morally bankrupt, that was a stinging barb. Taking another sip of whisky.
Chris Card: I lost my title. I lost my championship streak. And what did I do? I dusted myself off, I learned from my mistakes and I got back on with being the best professional wrestler I can be. You, Caffrey, blame other people for your mistakes and therefore you never learn from them. Do you want to know why I beat you in our second match? It’s easy to understand. I learned from our first one.
A sharp grin. Getting a little better every day has always been Card’s method. It usually pays dividens.
Chris Card: What you have proved to me, to the fans, to the whole world is that you, Caffrey, are the best hitter in Triple A. You are the guy who goes out and bats .350 for the Boondock RiverPigs but can’t break .220 in the majors. And that burns you to your very core. You can explain away your departure from AWF any way you want but it’s not fooling me. It’s not fooling the fans. But those explanations aren’t meant for us. They’re meant for yourself. You need to feel that you made the right decision and maybe you can convince yourself of that. But all you are doing is showing your weaknesses for everyone to hear.
Card takes another sip as his tone turns darker, colder, more fiercely analytical. This is no longer a wrestling promo. This is a dissection of a man’s character. And that’s the Canadian’s speciality.
Chris Card: You’ve always needed to be the biggest fish in the pond, Caffrey. And in AWF you weren’t. So you changed pond. But this? This is the XHF Rumble. This is Lake Superior and you are only one small fish within it. Look at all the talent you are surrounded by. And so many of them hate you because compared to me, even with all my numerous character flaws, you are an intensely detestable person. You scoff at my teaming up with Cross Recoba, my long time tag team partner and my friend. Why? Because you have no friends. You just view people as tools, instruments for your own greater success. You alienate everyone around you with your vocalising of your so called superiority. You’re winning at this social isolation game. You’ve been socially isolating yourself for years.
Card chuckles again.
Chris Card: Sure, me and Cross argue at times about things. But when we argue, we move our positions slowly until we reach a consensus. That’s how adults deal with things. You have shown through your time on the Network that you hammer a point home and never budge from your original stance. That’s why all your friends have drifted away from you. That and your superiority complex leading to you never being able to treat anyone as your equal.
Card rolls his eyes theatrically. There is almost a little tut emitted from his lips to go with that.
Chris Card: I’d be a fool to denigrate your skills as a professional wrestler. Though you lack the sudden strike ability of myself and have too slow, too patient a game to effectively fight in the Rumble, you’re still going to put spanners in a few people’s works. But if your best chance of winning, and it is, is to break everyone else’s ankle and THEN throw them out, you had better hope to get a late draw and the ring to be nearly clear when you enter.
Card pauses, finishing off the last gulp of his Scotch and moves to a contemplative tone as he considers his relative advantages in the Rumble to Caffrey.
Chris Card: While I Calling Card and Maritime Hurricane my way through the competition, you will flounder against a crowd of people who detest you and every inch of the ground you walk on. You seem to take having a huge bullseye on your back as a thing to be proud of. Trust me, and seeing as I’m contradicting you there is no way in hell you will agree with this, that’s a VERY BAD THING.
The emphasis on the last three words comes from using a louder volume level in his voice than the usual eternally calm demeanour. When Chris Card raises his voice he throws a ton of extra meaning behind anything he says.
Chris Card: I think Rudyard Kipling put it best. “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same… Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, and—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!”
With an impish grin towards the camera, Card finishes his speech with a simple, patronising sentence.
Chris Card: Good luck... kid.
