The Awesome Reality of Steve Awesome 4: Simulcast Dat Ass
Apr 11, 2020 23:24:34 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer and mosler like this
Post by Steve Awesome on Apr 11, 2020 23:24:34 GMT -5
-~THE AWESOME REALITY OF STEVE AWESOME~-
Steve Awesome (voice over narration): What a crazy road it’s been already. You’ve already gotten a glimpse at the way I train and my new charity fund. But one of the hardest things to make happen in this day and age is travel. But I….locked it down.
Heh.
And now I get something I covet the most.
A little time to relax.
Peep it out.
~~~~
You can hear the tires humming on the asphalt as the car drove down the highway. Out the windows you can see the lights flying by. The camera spins around to finally show Steve Awesome sitting in the back seat. The glow of the streetlights outside almost seemed to illuminate him in gold. He holds up a beer and toasts it to the camera.
“Welcome to another fun filled edition of The Awesome Reality of Steve Awesome. Well, it’s not exactly a full episode. I don’t have anything planned to do. But I figure I could whip my phone out and do a little Facebook live thing to pass the time on this Uber ride. We will be back to the regularly scheduled fun next time….unless the really weird Uber driver doesn’t try to kill me before tomorrow.”
~~interview box~~
Mysterious Uber Driver
/He’s dressed in a dark suit and a low hat. He has a handlebar mustache. His leather gloves stretch as he cracks his knuckles.
“I haz no commentz”
“But anyway, I figured the first thing I’d do is prepare a toast.”
He raises his beer up to the camera and takes a hearty swig.
“Oh, no, not to any of you fuckers. But a toast to me. I’ve come up with another first for my reality show. You see, not only is this Facebook live right now, but it’s also simulcasting on the IWF NETWORK AND the XHF NETWORK. I guess you could call it my cross over episode. That’s right I’m making history in the back of this car.”
He smirks.
“Just like I used to do with your mamas back in the day.”
Steve takes another drink of his beer.
“And you might ask why I’m doing this? How does it help my road to the XHF Rumble? How does this help me to continue to dominate the IWF scene?”
He looks coldly into the camera.
“Well shut the fuck up and I’ll tell you.”
Steve brushes some hair out of his face and continues.
“This is introspective. This is deep shit I’m about to unleash on you. This is some Awesome Existentialism. And it all starts with a beer.”
He takes another sip of the one he has.
“As I sit here and drink in the back of this Uber, driving me home, I’m not sure if that’s legal but I’m doing it so suck it. I think about all the people who have tried to tell me I had a problem with alcohol. I mean sure, it played a “minor” role in blowing my marriage and breaking up my family.”
The way his voice fluctuated on minor let you know it was more than he let on.
“But here’s the thing….other than losing my family to booze, I’d say I’ve come out the other side pretty good all things considered. You know everyone hates me but….”
He shrugs and grabs his IWF World Championship.
“I’m doing pretty well for myself, I must say.”
He holds up his beer one more time.
“So a toast to me.”
He takes another drink.
“I have the IWF World Championship firmly in my clutches. Hell, I have been a champion for damn close to a year now. Sure I held the Extreme Championship for most of that time, but the world title was winner take all. So technically I have defended my right to be a champion over FOURTEEN TIMES.”
Steve pats his world title with pride.
“Secondly, I have the XHF XCrown Championship, firmly in my sights. I don't even have to cash my IWF world title in to win it. Although the thought had crossed my mind. All I gotta do is knock out all the rest of the schlubs Inside the Rumble, and then bam, I raise the X*Crown Championship high above my head. I will have become a DUAL BRANDED WORLD CHAMPION.”
Even Steve Awesome looked impressed with the thought of that.
“Now that is a shot at glory you have to take.”
He takes a chug of his beer.
“So you’re God Damn right a toast to me. A top guy in any promotion he walks into. A world class athlete that is so damn good even an addiction cant stop him. A champion of champions. Like seriously? Who the hell could really stop me and the momentum I’ve achieved over the past year?”
He chuckles.
“There are some names in the XHF Rumble that may do some damage. I know I have Angel and his theater of tricks to deal with soon at Night of the Immortals 7. I even have to deal with my pathetic twerp ex brother in law Jayson Matthews on The Open Fight Night edition of Monday Night Sacrifice this week.”
He shrugs.
“But it doesn’t matter. You can continue to add the challenges and the fights and I will knock them out of the park. I will smack Jayson Matthews around so much he goes back under his rock for another year. I will punch the stupid face paint off of Angel Blakes dumb face and CONTINUE to be IWF World Champion. And I will knock everyone out of the Rumble in XHF and claim that top belt too.”
He gives the camera a powerfully confident nod.
“Because the more things go on, the more I realize just how good I actually am. The more I actually succeed and do the things people think I can’t, the more my hype turns into fact. I am a world renowned pro wrestling superstar.
He considers his thoughts.
“I am untouchable.”
He shrugs.
“There is nothing anybody can do to stop me.”
Soon the Uber comes to a stop near Steve’s home. Steve steps out of the car and drags out all his bags. Once he had everything he stepped up to the passenger window while digging in his pocket.
“Okay, so how much did I…..”
But when Steve looked inside the driver was gone!
“....owe…..you?”
All of a sudden something strikes Steve from behind! Steve’s face bounces off the car and he falls down. The camera he was using to film falls down to the ground as well. It doesn’t get a good angle of the attack but you can hear Steve screaming out and the thuds from the attacks. Soon the chaos stops and there is an eerie silence. The camera then lifts up and you can see Steve Awesome groaning on the ground covered in a pile of his own luggage. The camera turns around to show the Uber Driver from earlier.
The driver slowly reaches up and pulls off his mustache and removes his hat revealing himself to be Jayson Matthews. Jayson gives the camera a quick nod and a smile.
Jayson Matthews: What up, IWF, what up XHF. Hope nobody minds but, I’m totally just beat up your boy here. See you at Open Fight Night Steve!
Jayson leaves the camera facing Steve on the ground as he drives off. Steve just holds his abdomen in pain and writhes on the ground.
-~THE AWESOME REALITY OF STEVE AWESOME~-
Steve Awesome: Oh god…
..ahhh….
....there is a six foot rule in effect, you BASTARD!!!
Owwwww. Ohh ho ho…...I’ll get you at Sacrifice….”
“Wahhh ha haaaaa”
Fade.
