..::THE XHF NETWORK PRESENTS: THE 2020 XHF RUMBLE::..
Apr 26, 2020 14:59:48 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Rage (aka NoMercyMaster2001), and 13 more like this
Post by Dave D-Flipz on Apr 26, 2020 14:59:48 GMT -5
The XHF Network Presents: The Rumble
Time: 4PM Eastern Daylight Time, SUnday, April 26th, 2020
The XHF Network Barge, International Waters, Atlantic Ocean
The camera fades in on the great expanse of the ocean. Littered all around it are boats of various sizes and probably uses. As the heli-cam zooms around all of this we see in the middle of all these boats a large ship, the XHF Network Barge. "Top of the World" by All American Rejects starts playing as we make our way to the barge.
Upon making it to the deck pyros go off, illuminating the crowd-less set-up. We get to see various people preparing for the show and finally make our way to the commentary desk.
Hawke: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the XHF Network Rumble! I'm Joey Hawke here with Jerry "The King" Lawler and we're excited to shine some light into your evening!
King: Wooo! I can't wait for this all to get started!
Hawke: Before we do start though I wanted to thank all of the staff members and superstars who are making this show possible. The world might be in a difficult time but hopefully for a few hours all of you at home watching your TVs or computer screens can forget about all that and enjoy what is truly a labor of love from everyone here at the XHF Network!
King: And the food is great!
Hawke:....Yes....Captain O'Shanty is making sure we're well fed with some fish that might not be legal to actually catch
King: Who cares, it's international waters, we can do whatever we want!
Hawke: And what we want is to see some great XHF Network wrestling! So let's get on with the show!
Bonnie Jenkins: The following contest is scheduled to be a ladder match for the XHF Global Tag Team championship! Featuring first...the Dark Stars!
"Sixes and Sevens" by Annihilator plays as the tron shows spinning graphics which turn into The Dark Stars, Niko and Kono. They stalkto ringside while lasers shoot upwards with murderous and ominous expressions on their faces with their valet/wives Commandrix and Terminatrix. Niko holds the ropes open for Commandrix and Terminatrix while Kono climbs the top turnbuckle and both roar as Niko thrusts his futuristic style dagger upwards and Kono thrusts his futuristic style lance upwards before backflipping into the ring into a fighting crouch as all four pose in an intimidating fashion.
King: So these bozos are like the Trons and the Borgs? They’re from the future?
Hawke: That’s what the bio says. That they and their wives are from the distant future and from another world.
King: Alrighty then. I suppose I’ve heard worse.
Hawke: You have?
King: No, not really.
Bonnie Jenkins: And next up in this match...the Borgs.
"Am I Evil" by Metallica hits the speakers and the stage fills with mist. Strobe lights go on all throughout the arena. Mecha Gold-Bear IV emerges from the mist with Evil-Borg riding on his back. Heavymetal-Borg come out next to them, air guitaring to the music. The trio make their way to the ring, Mecha Gold-bear IV marching ominously toward the ring as Evil Borg cackles with evil laughter of evilness. Heavy Metal throws up the devil horns. Mecha Gold-bear IV reaches ringside and turns on his rocket boots to fly a few feet in the air and lands in the ring. Evil gives Mecha Gold-bear IV a pat on the head and climbs down to join Heavy Metal in the corner.
King: Another team from the Future.
Hawke: Yes.
King: And with there nearly no rules, I think all three plan on participating in the match.
Hawke: The referee isn’t here to keep control of the chaos. He’s there to announce the winner at whomever claims the title belts at the top of that structure. Isn’t that like one of those poles used in traffic lights?
King: I think so. Had to be done since there’s nothing above the ring to put the belts to.
Bonnie Jenkins: And the third team to be in this match...the Dos Angeles!
The lights go out. All is dark. Suddenly a large spot-light appears on the entranceway as "Kick out the Jams" by The Presidents of the United States of America hits. We can see Randy Angel already facing the entranceway, close to the wall; he raises his arm (while holding a drink). Meanwhile, Nelly Angel bursts out of the back and jumps up and down excitedly while he waits for his brother to turn around and saunter over to him. As they make their way down the ramp, Randy hands his drink off to a stage hand. Nelly rushes into the ring and climbs up a turnbuckle while Randy poses on the apron, showing off his muscles.
Hawke: I’m not sure how the Dos Angeles can expect to win this match. Randy is a drunkard and so Nelly will be fighting pretty much by himself.
King: The sauce helps Randy fight better.
Bonnie Jenkins: And finally, the XHF Global Tag Team champions...LGBTKO!
The thick rolling bassline from "NEW MAGIC WAND" by Tyler the Creator thumps out over the arena. Six letters fade into view on the Xtreme-Tron.
The lights in the arena begin to rotate between all the colors of the rainbow, focusing down on the entry ramp in unison, where Bloodied Fox and Ryan Young walk out, drenched in a sea of rainbow light. They make their way down to the ring, keeping an eye on their competitors in the ring.
King: Are these guys even on the same page? I don’t think that they are.
Hawke: They might have some differences, but they are professional enough to put them to the side and work together to win this match.
King: Good luck on that one, this drama has been spilling everywhere
XHF Tag-Team Championships
Four-Way Ladder Match
LGBTKO (c) vs Dos Angeles vs The Dark Stars vs The Borgs
As the bell is sounded to start the match, Mecha Gold-bear IV begins to approach Niko while Randy Angel hangs back against the ropes while drinking from a flask. Ryan Young slips in between Mecha Gold-bear IV and Niko. He strikes Gold-bear with an elbow and hits Niko with a knee lift before hitting an exploder suplex. Mecha Gold-bear IV grabs Ryan Young as he gets back to his feet and hurls him bodily across the ring where he lands at Randy’s feet. Randy holds out his flask in a cheers motion to Ryan and drinks some more. Nelly and Kono begin a test of strength nearby and seem to be fairly evenly matched but neither will be the one to break the hold as they move along the ropes around the ring. Bloodied Fox meanwhile has been cornered by the man Borg duo and is deftly avoiding heavy haymakers from HM Borg while Evil peppers him with leg kicks. Fox sees Nelly and Kono coming and forward rolls between the Borgs who stumble forward into a four way collision. Fox however turns and is grabbed by the massive robotic bear who then literally beal tosses him over the ropes and half way up the ramp.
King: GOOD GOD Fox just got tossed like 50 feet!
Hawke: Yeah, the robotic bear may pose a threat. I mean he COULD just reach up and with a slight rocket boost, grab the titles.
Ryan Young starts to get to his feet. Randy looks at him and smacks him in the head with the flask hard enough to send him back down to the mat. Mecha Gold-bear IV grabs Niko by the shoulder and punches him in the gut with a punch that doubles Niko over and lifts him up into the air by about a foot. Nelly gets Ryan into a front facelock and drops him with a ddt. Mecha Gold-bear IV lifts Niko up into the air, but Niko kicks him in the head a few times to get himself released. Niko drops back while Mecha Gold-bear IV follows. Kono leaps onto the ropes, drilling Mecha Gold-bear IV with a springboard dropkick to send him stumbling. Niko rolls out of the ring and slides in a ladder.
King: Already a ladder coming into play!
Hawke: Yeah, it is a bit early.
Fox begins to roll to his feet shaking out the cobwebs when he is mowed down by a double clothesline on the ramp by Commandrix and Terminatrix. They both laugh and turn around to Fox kipping up and hitting a huge double dropkick to them both. He rolls to his feet and sprints back to the ring and slides in. He sends a flurry of fists to the stumbling robot bear. Kono grabs the ladder and sets it up. He begins climbing up the ladder in a move that’s noticed by both Randy and Ryan, but they don’t make a move to stop him since it’s nowhere near the championship belts. Mecha Gold-bear IV pushes Fox aside and aims a flying robot punch at Kono, but it misses. Kono dodges a second time as the fist flies back to Mecha Gold-bear IV’s wrist. Mecha Gold-bear IV begins to hover up the opposite side of the ladder as Kono gets to the top of the ladder. Kono leaps into the air and drills the climbing robot with a missile drop kick that sends the bear robot out of the ring and crashing onto the deck of the Barge. The whole boat shifts with the weight threatening to throw Commandrix and Terminatrix into the ocean. His thrusters begin to short out taking the bear out of the running to fly or climb to the belts. Evil and Heavymetal begin to pepper Fox and Nelly with kicks. HM even hits the Headbanger’s Ball! A flurry of headbutts puts Fox down in the corner as HM air guitars in celebration. Nelly ducks a kick and hits a Mountain Bomb on Evil Borg. Ryan drills Randy with a punch, grabbing the flask, taking a swig, and spitting the booze straight into Randy’s eyes. He grabs Randy, pushing him backwards, and hitting several knee strikes to the midsection while backing him up. Nelly sees his brother in peril, hopping over the ropes, and grabbing Ryan from behind to hit a German suplex! Niko and Kono go to the outside of the ring, stomping on the downed Mecha Gold-bear IV. They are quickly joined by Heavy Metal Borg, who hits a running elbow to Niko taking him down. Kono shoves Heavy Metal Borg back a step, who is then double teamed by Commandrix and Terminatrix. Evil Borg stands back up, grabbing Nelly Angel from behind and hitting a headbutt to send Nelly to his knees. Ryan comes at Evil Borg, but gets put down with a palm strike to the face that bursts Ryan’s nose like an over ripe tomato.
King: Now, we’re getting into pure tag team chaos.
Hawke: The Dark Novas shouldn’t even really be out here!
King: Who is going to tell them to get back?
Commandrix, Terminatrix, Niko and Kono pull Mecha Gold-bear IV up to his feet and whip him face first into the pole that holds the championship belts in a move that causes the belts to quiver on the pole. Evil Borg picks Nelly Angel up and throws him to the center of the ring with a belly to belly overhead suplex. Ryan starts to get up, but a double axe handle blow from Evil Borg puts him back down to the mat. HM begins to shake the cobwebs out on the outside. Fox now slowly gets to his feet holding his head in pain. Mecha Gold-bear IV turns around to have a ladder shoved into his gut by Niko and Kono to double him over. The four teammates work together to lift the ladder and Mecha Gold-bear IV up into the air and then smashing down against the deck on the top of his head with an explosion of sparks and a splatter of oil. Heavymetal cries out! He then lunges with a chair from his spot near the ring apron and crushes Terminatrix with the chair in the face. He rears back and slams it down again on the stunned foe and Terminatrix drops to the floor of the boat. Commandrix chop blocks the borg from behind.
King: I think that Mecha Gold-bear IV is out of the fight! You see that impact?
Hawke: That was smashing. We might have to see Mecha Gold-bear V in the near future.
Heavymetal Borg stands up, clutching Commandrix by the throat. Terminatrix is laying on the deck unconscious. Heavy Metal Borg casts Commandrix face first into the ring apron and charges at Niko and Kono, taking them both down with a clothesline. Evil Borg stomps Ryan a few times, keeping him down. He turns around to be taken down by a flying leg lariat by Nelly Angel! Nelly calls to his brother. They grab Evil Borg and hit a two man crucifix power bomb called the Super Xtreme Edge! Nelly sets up the ladder in the proper spot. Randy begins climbing the ladder as Nelly exits the ring. Ryan Young stands up, blood running down his face from his nose and the side of his face. He begins climbing the other side of the ladder. Bloodied Fox launches himself out of the ring onto the unsuspecting Nelly! Nelly rolls it through but Fox has his arm and BAM! It’s a Hustle, Sweetheart! Nelly is down and out. Outside of the ring, Heavy Metal Borg sprays a Purple Haze into Kono’s eyes to blind him, and then grabs Niko. He lifts him up high into the air and then drops him down with a razor’s edge – The Motley Crüe-cifix! Fox meanwhile intercepts Commandrix and again pulls out the ripcord cutter to plant the interfering Dark Nova. Fox and HM Borg eye each other up. Inside of the ring, Randy Angel and Ryan Young meet at the top of the ladder. Ryan grabs Randy and hits him in the midsection with several knee strikes. Randy slumps down a couple of steps on the ladder while Ryan takes another step up. He reaches for the title belts, getting his hand on the strap! He gets both hands on the titles!
Hawke: This could be it!
King: Will Ryan Young be the sole tag team champion?
Ryan Young suddenly pulls away from the title belts with a look of extreme pain as Randy has reached up to grab him by the nuts! Randy gets up higher on the ladder, shifting from holding onto Ryan’s crotch to putting him in a side headlock. He gives Ryan noogies while holding onto the headlock. Evil Borg stands up, noticing the two at the top of the ladder.
Hawke: Big Brother Headlock at the top of the ladder? How insane is that?
King: Ryan was so close to becoming sole champion…
Outside of the ring, Heavy Metal Borg grabs the still blinded Kono. He hits a running powerslam onto the deck! Fox meanwhile has Niko and hits the Fox Trap Suplex. The Dark Stars and Dark Novas are all down. Inside of the ring, Evil Borg grabs the ladder, and knocks it over! The top half of the ladder lands on the top rope opposite to where the Dark Stars are. To his credit, Randy Angel holds onto the the headlock to convert the move into a MASSIVE Drunk Dropper! Both Ryan Young and Randy Angel lay on the deck as if dead men. On the other side, Fox manages to catch HM with a flurry of fists. Another purple haze but Fox ducks it and hits another Fox Trap Suplex on HM Borg. He then sees Nelly heading into the ring and follows.
Hawke: Oh my gawd...a Drunk Dropper from the top of the ladder to the deck? Are they dead?
King: I don’t know and I’m not checking.
Bloodied Fox and Nelly Angel both enter the ring, Evil Borg looking from side to side to determine which one to attack first. Evil Borg turns to kick Nelly Angel in the gut and drop him with a one armed ddt. Evil gets up and turns to see Bloodied Fox leaping at him to hit a superman palm strike to the face! BOOM HEADSHOT. Niko rolls into the ring and comes at Bloodied Fox, who begins kicking at him. Niko blocks every incoming kick until Fox whips Niko in the side of the head with a question mark kick. Niko rolls out of the ring as Kono rolls into the ring from another angle. He grabs Fox from behind for a full nelson suplex. Nelly Angel gets up, seeing Evil Borg rise, and hits him with a drop kick. Nelly sends Evil Borg into the ropes as a part of his prep to send him across the ring. On the rebound, Evil Borg puts on the brakes, dropping to one knee. Nelly Angel blasts him with a shining wizard! He turns around to be seized by a belly to belly overhead suplex!
Hawke: Having trouble keeping up with all of the action going on.
King: Then you’ll have a heck of a time once the Rumble starts.
Kono pulls Bloodied Fox up, peppering him in the side of the head with below shots, before getting him up into a suplex. He slingshots Fox off of the top rope into a brainbuster! Evil Borg and Heavy Metal Borg each grab an arm of Nelly Angel and swing him backwards into the corner with a crash. Kono hops up and sets the ladder back up. He begins climbing up the ladder. Evil Borg and Heavy Metal Borg pull Nelly Angel out of the corner and are about to whip him back into it when Nelly breaks free from their grasp. He hits Evil Borg with a back drop, sending him from the ring. He hops up and hits Heavy Metal Borg, sending them both from the ring. Bloodied Fox slides up behind Kono on the ladder, grabs Kono around the waist, and hits a German suplex that sends both of them from the ring!
Hawke: Now the ring is empty! What will happen next?
King: Who knows? Look! Randy is stirring!
Randy Angel pushes the unconscious Ryan Young away from him and sits up. Nelly Angel gets to his feet, but is bounced back and forth between Evil Borg and Heavy Metal Borg who begin taking turns punching him in the face. Kono starts to rise, but gets dropped back to the deck with a roundhouse head kick. Niko grabs Bloodied Fox and sends him face first into the ring steps, demolishing them. Randy Angel reaches into his tights, pulling out another flask. He takes a pull from it and stands up. He staggers to the ring, using the ring apron as support. Heavy Metal Borg grabs Nelly by the throat and lifts him up for a small choke slam, but Nelly seizes him by the wrist with both hands, pulls himself up, and kicks himself out of Heavy Metal Borg’s grasp and away from him into a clothesline against Evil Borg. Bloodied Fox stands up. Niko is quick to grab him, but catches a knee to the gut from Fox to double him over. Fox grabs the doubled over Niko by the head and hits him with several kicks before finishing with a strong kawada kick that sends Niko face first into the ring post! Kono hits a drop toe hold on Bloodied Fox, sending him face first into the ring apron. Ryan Young begins to come to and stumbles towards the action. Kono grabs at Fox but Fox comes to life and shoves him back looking for the ripcord cutter. Ryan sees Kono facing him and coming forward and charges for a bicycle knee strike. Kono drops to the floor pulling FOx by the arm forward and Ryan crushes Fox square in the nose with the knee strike. Fox drops to the mat bleeding profusely with his nose at an odd angle. Ryan does not check on him however and just wheels around and hits Kono with that same California Dream. Ryan then wanders off to put himself in a fight with Nelly and the Borgs.
Hawke: Where’s Randy?
King: Who?
Hawke: You know, Randy Angel! I see his flask on the deck, but I don’t see him.
King: Maybe he went to get another drink? Wait. Is that him at the top of the ladder?
Indeed, Randy Angel has made his way into the ring and up the ladder. He has both title belts in hand! This act is not unseen by those at ringside. Niko rolls into the ring and superkicks the ladder right out from underneath Randy Angel, who holds onto the titles with both hands for dear life. The ladder falls over and flips over the top rope, going out of the ring. Evil Borg steps into the ring and locks up with Niko while Randy dangles like a worm on a hook. Bloodied Fox stumbles to his knees holding his nose in agony. He looks around for Ryan before spotting the downed Kono, and begins pummeling him with mounted palm strikes. Nelly Angel grabs Heavy Metal Borg and hits him with a few European uppercuts before sending him face first into the pole that is holding the championship belts and Randy Angel. Nelly sees the pole shake and the titles nearly come unbuckled to be able to bring Randy down. Fox sees this too and charges but the blood is messing with his vision. Nelly dodges him and puts him down with the Exclusive! He thus grabs Heavy Metal Borg by the back of the head and begins bashing his face into the pole harder and harder until Randy Angel comes down to the mat, crushing Niko and Evil Borg while clutching the tag team title belts!
Bonnie Jenkins: Your winners and new XHF Tag-Team Champions.....DOS ANGELES!
King: What the Hell? The Dos Angeles are the new champions? How did Randy manage to hold onto the titles so that this could happen? I bet he barely was able to walk himself into the ring and up the ladder!
Hawke: Welp, he sure did do it and he won.
Bloodied Fox gets up sees that Ryan Young is just beginning to walk up the ramp and away, his face a blood mask. Fox shakes his head and pounds the floor of the barge in anger at being cost his titles by Ryan’s antics. Nelly Angel rolls into the ring and helps Randy Angel back up to his feet and they hold the championship belts over their heads.
King: I bet Fox is PISSED at Ryan for not checking on him after that missed knee strike.
Hawke: That would be a safe bet.
Backstage Roy Harlowe has just finished preparing for the Rumble. He tightens up his boots and then starts to walk down the halls of the arena. As he turns the corner continuing on his way someone bumps into him, thrusting their shoulder pretty hard into his. Roy looks up quickly surprised.
Roy: Alright Roy...They're just pills...they can't stop you from winning it all, they can't stop you from taking this Rumble by storm. You're going to rip out their guts and shovel them aside at ringside. They'll wish they'd never cross Roy "The Sorrow" Harlowe!"
Walking in moments later that stands a man before Roy known worldwide as Rob Garcia, and in his hands he's holding a letter that looks written in crayon. Jeff Noon, Rob's Manager is standing right behind Rob trying to look over his shoulder staring at Roy. The man they call "The Sorrow" doesn't look all too impressed with Rob or his cohort.
Rob: Hey, there! Ray, right? Mind if I call you Raynald?
Jeff: That's Roy, Rob.
Rob: Now that you mention it, I am thirsty, I could go for a Rob Roy. Get extra whiskey in it would ya Jeff?
Rob dismisses Jeff for a moment as he gestures to the letter than to Roy. Rob offers his hand with a smile. Roy looks at the hand and then up at Rob with a look of disdain. Rob can't take the hint and then Rob slaps Roy on the shoulder with a friendly shake.
Rob: Naw, you don’t mind at all! Royland, right? I was just telling Jeff how my biggest fan in the whole wide world wrote in this letter! It's about you.. He says you suck! I thought you might have wanted to know what my biggest fan thought since you know, I'm a pretty big deal.
Roy's eyebrows flinch as he narrows his eyes at Rob with devious intent in his gaze.
Rob: Hey, relax Roynald. I’m just telling you what the letter says. I think you’re great! Ain’t that right, Jeff?
Jeff walks back into the room with Rob's Rob Roy drink, whiskey with cherry coke, as he tries to peek his head over Robs shoulder and hand him his beverage.
Jeff: Yuh.. Yeah, great! He'd be a valuable ally!
Jeff says nervously. Roy sneers at Jeff and then back at Rob who seems unphased by Rob's buffoonery.
Rob: Anyways, Roynald. We gotta get going. Take care, alright!?
Rob says enthusiastically, he sarcastically gives Harlow a thumbs up and walks away, laughing with Jeff Roy storms in front of them before they can leave the locker room
Roy: You keep walking runt. I've got bigger problems to worry about than your mediocre ass. You and your biggest fan can go fuck yourselves five ways till next Friday. I've got actual credibility around here, why don't you go jerk the curtain like you're used to.
Roy shoots a middle finger and leaves Rob and Jeff standing looking a bit irritated that Roy would dare stand up for himself. After Roy leaves, Rob looks at Jeff with a look of determination.
Rob: I guess we'll see about that won't we?
Rob and Jeff exchange in a shared staredown as the scene fades to black.
King: I don't think they're friends
Hawke: Neither do I- what is that on the screen?
The commentators and staff look up to the Xtreme-Tron that's been erected on the deck of the barge. There is only this picture:
King: Is he in the Rumble?
Hawke: I don't think so, but I'd have to check my notes, and there's an awful lot of names here
King: Well it says "coming soon."
Hawke: Yeah, so do movie trailers- months beforehand
King: Huh, fair.
Hawke: Probably just some AWF stuff, they tend to spill their superstars everywhere
Outside of a sauna, we're left to wait with the camera man as the only view is that of the steamed up window of the door leading in. After a few moments a hand reaches out and grips the handle of the door, pulling it forward as well as releasing a torrent of steam in the process. Now inside the sauna it's anyone's guess why the lens of the camera isn't already fogged up, still allowing a clear picture of the scene before us. Alone, a man sits sprawled out on one of the benches, the towel around his waist barely hiding the monster that lies underneath.
??: I bet I know what you're thinking. Who is this guy? Can he tie it in a knot, can he tie it in a bow?
The unknown man smirks and looks up at the camera with his mesmerizing blue eyes.
??: That's an easy question to answer...
Savor the moment, you'll find out his name soon enough.
??:I'm Keith Williams.
He parts his legs a hair too much and the towel he's wearing is unable to keep from view what all the ladies and some of the men desire. Plopping out like a twelve pound, nine ounce bundle of joy, the outline and length of Keith's enormous dong is apparent, but luckily blurred out, only costing a few thousand dollars in pixels.
Keith Williams: And yes I can.
Williams winks at the camera this time, adjusting himself so that no further censorship is needed during this segment.
Keith Williams: Everybody that wants to know is gonna know exactly who I am in a short period of time. XHF and AWF have been holding out for a villain like me and I'm more than happy to indulge them.
Lifting his hand up from his side, the Paragon of Sleaze slyly strokes his mustache using his thumb and index finger as he maintains eye contact.
Keith Williams: This place is hurtin' for a squirtin' and I'm just the sleazy son of a bitch to make that happen; I don't mind a mess.
A cocky laugh escapes KW as he finishes his line, showing off his abundant confidence.
Keith Williams: Enjoy The Rumble, I'm sure it will be entertaining despite the inclusion of myself, AWF's newest and hottest commodity. As a XXX-rated superstar, I will definitely have my eye on the outcome of the X*Crown Championship match.
Wiping away the sweat that's developed on his forehead, the man sat in front of us lets out a sigh of relief. Closing his eyes momentarily, Keith re-opens them with a smile plastered on his face.
Keith Williams: If there's anything you should take away from this, know that despite how easy I make it look...
Rising to his feet, Williams begins to swivel his hips while striking a pose with his arms raised and his hands on his head.
Keith Williams: It ain't easy being sleazy!
Having fought the good fight for as long as it can muster, the towel breaks loose from Keith's body once more and the 22 inch python is free in all its pixelized glory. Miraculously the camera manages to finally fog up just as the Paragon of Sleaze starts to "helicopter" his junk.