Battleground #28 : Whatever It Takes (Show)

[SWAT Team]

Syndicate Wrestling & Tradition and the XHF presents ....

Jeremy Tucker : Welcome! Welcome to this historical arena, the American Airlines Center! Welcome to Battleground! WELCOME TO SWAT!

Andrew Fulton : Texas baby! You know one time here in Texas, I met this single mother, it was after a show, in one of the bars, she was a little tubby and a little more tipsy and we ...

Jeremy Tucker : (interrupting) What a show we just had in Palm Springs, Caffrey retained the X Crown, and Trent Jones retained the SWAT World Belt!

Andrew Fulton : I thought Goth had it for a moment, he is right on the cusp of greatness here in SWAT! And as for the main event, well, Caffrey can thank his ‘lucky’ stars that Zoran came out when he did or else Lucky Linda may well be the new X Crown Champion.

Jeremy Tucker : I don’t know about that, Caffrey did have Callahan in the Process when he glassed him. We also saw there the return of the Founder, Paul Soutter, making the save and what a brawl he and Zoran had after we went off the air.

Andrew Fulton : Zoran was about to carve up Linda’s innocent little face, I guess she really IS ‘lucky’, with The Suit showing up when he did.

Jeremy Tucker : How about Rally Jackson! The Golden God now has TWO belts! Defeating his Society stable mate Syberus for the International Title!

Andrew Fulton : Rally is the number one ticket in SWAT at the moment! It is about time he got these high profile matches.

Jeremy Tucker : Well, he has another high profile match tonight, when he and Tux defend their tag belts against Tong and Phantam of Team Fairtex!

Andrew Fulton : Walk in the park for Rally that will be.

Jeremy Tucker : We will also see tonight MCCW’s Death Trap taking on Anthony Caffrey for the X Crown, he won his title shot the HARD way in that brutal match with Zoran last show, and wants to take the X Crown back to MCCW with him but if Caffrey has anything to say about that it won’t be going anywhere, as these two technicians put the hokey stipulations to the side and meet in a sure to be epic Iron Man Match.

Andrew Fulton : Iron man? Yawn, do I have enough smokes to get through that (checks his pack and lights up a cigarette) Give me the hokey stips any day of the week.

Jeremy Tucker : Also tonight we will see quite possibly the THREE best womens wrestlers going around, all battle it out for our SWAT Amazons Championship! Lucky Linda was within a heart beat of becoming the X Crown Champion last week and she is on a roll this year after not only making it to the finals of the Anzac Cup with Radu but also WINNING the No Man’s Land tourney earlier this year.

Andrew Fulton : Don Canelli is also on a role, she has held that Amazons belt forever, and she doesn’t intend to let it go, and after her and the KGB’s power move sending the Founder Soutter to the curb, she is ready to stamp her authority on the Amazons division and the rest of SWAT in the process!

Jeremy Tucker : Throw Suzi Spitz into the mix and it is sure to be one hell of a matchup.

Andrew Fulton : The match I am most looking forward to is the Tornado Texas Death Match! That is going to be a car crash!

Jeremy Tucker : Stylistics went all the way in the Anzac Cup and I can’t see why they won’t here tonight also.

Andrew Fulton : Don’t write Jones and Eddie off, Jones is really making something of this World Championship run, and Eddie, he got right in the Society’s head costing Syb the International Belt. I wonder how much Rally paid him to do that?

Jeremy Tucker : Come on Andy, Eddie is just making that up.

Andrew Fulton : If you say so. (butts out his smoke in the ashtray)

Jeremy Tucker : All that and so much tonight fans, we’ll be right back with some messages from our wrestlers, then its Timeless and Roxylishus opening the show in a intergender match with the Hired Killers!

Andrew Fulton : Payback from the Anzac Cup coming for the Hired Killers, Timeless is going to KILL them for what they did to Roxylishus!

[edwarddubin0604]

(The Hired Killers have just entered the arena wielding their weapons and sporting their rolling carryon luggage bags. They pass by various members of the SWAT security and personnel who avoid them being that they could be armed and quite dangerous. They round a corner almost bumping into Glamourous Glenda who looks a bit nervous due to the fact The Hired Killers usually carry their weapons with them wherever they go."

Jade: "Glenda what can we do for you."

Glamorous Glenda: "Well...."

Jade: "Don't tell us you're being harassed by some jerks like our opponents tonight and you want us to deal with it."

Kim: "We always say 'You got the money. We got the time." Believe me we have plenty of reasons to kick their asses and tonight The Hired Killers will do that just for you."

Glamourous Glenda: "I'm here to interview you for your match with Timeless Alex Turner and Roxylishus."

Jade: "Like we said we have plenty of reasons to kick their asses Glenda."

Kim: "Shall we talk in our office Glenda."

Glamourous Glenda: "Okay describe office."

Jade: "You know where our office is."

(They head to their locker room and enter.)

Jade: "Please have a seat and ask us what you want to know."

Glamourous Glenda: "Okay I guess you already know that both Timeless and Roxylishus have it in for you after what transpired at The Anzac Cup."

Jade: "Yeah we know what happened and we could care less what they think or want to do to us. We are The Hired Killers and we're going to kick both their asses in the ring officially."


Kim: "You see Glenda we've waited a long time for this and we're going to finish what was started. Roxylishus likes to flaunt her wares in the form of life preservers or shall we say floatation devices that are so overrated and then there's that so called hypnotic stare she uses so well since she can't wrestle anyway and needs to influence the referee with free panties just to get a victory for herself and her man."

Glamourous Glenda: "I doubt that Roxylishus or Timeless will care for what you said."

Jade: "We could care less what she and Timeless think. You see tonight we're out to prove that we don't need The KGB and we're going to make our mark in SWAT."

Kim: "What better way than to show we mean business than to kick their asses tonight in a matter of moments."

Glamourous Glenda: "You know they'll probably bring up your performance against Monsters and Men at Call to Arms."

Jade: "You think we're not going to be living that down. We all knew we were going into Call to Arms as an overlooked team and we all knew Zoran was a piece of trash who was too cowardly to face us so he decided to hide his ass. So he let his no brained monsters manhandle our team while he took all the credit. Yeah Timeless brag how you managed to get into the finals only to get your ass handed to you by Team Fuck Mongo."

Kim: "Who happens to also be the most beloved individual in all of the XHF Network today we might add."

Glamourous Glenda: "That's putting it mildly."

Jade: "So what about it. What matters is Timeless didn't get a chance to go for the shot at the X-Crown that he so feels entitled too. Well too bad Timeless you want to go back in time and redo that whole match and see if you can warn yourself that you're going to lose to a much superior team. Maybe you can replace on of your team members with Bitchylishus to improve your chances not that it would improve them at all."

Kim: "Yeah same embarrassing ending if Hyperion got his hands on her."

Glamourous Glenda: "You know he won't like you mentioning Call to Arms."

Jade: "Like we care Glenda. He always chokes when the time to step up is there in front of him and comes up short against any of the champions he's faced. Then there's the Rumble that he also choked and Tarrasque won and eventually lost to Valentine. Then he has the nerve to call our husbands and us weak links in The KGB. If there's any weak link it's our opponents Timeless and Roxylishus."

Kim: "Well for Roxylishus it's not going to be some reality dance show where she can shake that phony booty of hers with some overrated dancer just to go for some shiny disco ball. We're going to make sure that Roxylishus doesn't get to Dancing with the Stars in one piece after we get through with working her over and making sure she doesn't get to dance ever."

Glamourous Glenda: "You know Roxylishus is going to be offended."

Jade: "So what do we care since we all know Timeless will be wrestling the whole match anyway no matter what happens and then he'll tag her in to get the pinfall taking the credit for the victory. Isn't that what happens when these two enter the ring to team up in a match."

Glamourous Glenda: "You Think that's going to happen tonight."

Kim: "It's going to be surprising if that happens won't it. It will be even more surprising if something different occurs."

Glamourous Glenda: "I guess it would."

Jade: "It would Glenda."

Glamourous Glenda: "One last question will you be backing your husbands up tonight when they face the Society of the New Breed."

Kim: "If we need to we will."

Jade: "Those two embarrassments are going to be wishing that they hadn't stolen our husbands SWAT World Tag Team Championships."

Glamourous Glenda: "Well I want to thank you for this interview and good luck."

Jade: "Thanks. Tonight we're going to go two for two against two teams we and our husbands hate the most."

Kim: "Let's not forget Satan's Disciples since they keep crying about our husbands screwing them."

Jade: "You're right. Right now we have to get warmed up for our match."

(They get up and shake hands and Glamourous Glenda leaves as the scene slowly fades to black.)

[Timeless]

[We see a limo pull up to the American Airlines Arena, the driver pulls up and opens the back door, and out steps the hottest of the hot, Roxylishus, she is wearing a tiny red and black KGB boob tube which is barely holding the them huge norks in, they look even bigger squashed in that thing, bursting at the seams, she thrusts them forward as she exits the limo and then out steps Timeless. He has a red and black baseball style KGB top on, unbuttoned and his incredible body is oiled and the lights of the arena catch the oil and he shines like the god he is. Warren W Webber is standing by and accosts the pair.]

Warren W Webber : Timeless! Roxylishus! Can we get a word with you guys please?

Timeless : Make it quick jerkoff, we have a match up NEXT!

Roxylishus : Yeah, Jerk OFF!

Warren W Webber : Umm, all right then. First off, you guys are ....

Timeless : First OFF! We ARE First off! You know what! All these prima donna’s in the back, if they were first up, all you would here is them huffing and puffing and crying they should be the main event, higher up the card.

Roxylishus : Cough (Zoran) Cough.

Timeless : Us. We don’t care where our match on the card is, we know by the end of the night it will be the one everyone is talking about. First match, we love that! Show everyone exactly what SWAT is all about!

Roxylishus : Start the show off with a BANG! (she makes a thrusting motion, wowee.)

Warren W Webber : (a little distracted by Roxylishus and her gyrations) Last week, you made short work of Eddie D Timeless, which is no mean feat ...

Timeless : He brought the fight to me! You won’t hear me say this very often, but much respect to him. He is a great warrior and will go a long way in this place. Trust me, he wasn’t the first to come up short against the Sir Winsalot and he won’t be the last.

Roxylishus : Let me add this Warren. While we respect Eddie, who we don’t respect is Dragonatrix. That cow has some nerve, trying to make a match between two of SWAT’s BEST performers all about her? A stupid guest referee. Count to three and stay the fuck out of the wrestlers way sweetheart! It isn’t rocket science!

Warren W Webber : Moving onto the Hired Killers, they had a few things to say about you two as we went to air ....

Timeless : We saw it in the limo. Want to know what i heard Warren. I heard them saying they wouldn’t be surprised when they lost if it was because I did all the work and tagged Roxylishus here in to get the pin. Now, we may just do that, but what they are really saying, is that they know they have no chance against us and are going to lose.

Roxylishus : Maybe they aren’t as stupid as they seem.

Timeless : No. They are. But even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Roxylishus : (clearly not understanding the analogy with a confused look on her face) ... Yeah!

Warren W Webber : We saw at the end of Battleground The Founder Paul Soutter return! Seems his stay in the ICU wasn’t as long as you guys had planned.

Timeless : We will just send him straight back there. Lucky Linda with him if she wants to get froggy.

Roxylishus : Who does she think she is? Snow White? True loves kiss bringing him out of the Coma? This isn’t Storybrooke. This is SWAT!

Warren W Webber : He and Frostbite are set to recommence their storied feud tonight.

Timeless : It will be the final chapter in that story! Frosty is a Bandit baby! And Soutter, he has been found wanting and lacking in the balls department. He has no stugotz!

Roxylishus : Of all the mistakes the Founder has made, and that is a long and distinguished list.

Timeless : Kinda like my Johnson.

Roxylishus : (grins like a sex kitten and holds her hands apart in the air, signalling this big) Of all them mistakes, returning here to our federation! The KGB’s domain, was The Suits biggest mistake!

Warren W Webber : Where did it all go wrong?

Timeless : I will tell you exactly where. He was going soft for a long time, we saw him in the corners with Linda. We saw him playing cards with the Society of old Geezers. We saw him let his ego get in the way and do nothing to help Joe Pesci get exiled from the fed, but what was the final nail in the coffin, was his Suits Suite with Anthony Caffrey. A guy I have made my personal bitch, and our leader has him on his host show, and lets that punk speak to him like a piece of CRAP!

He just TOOK T! Watching that segment was like having teeth pulled, I was waiting for Suit to just drop that snot nosed punk on his entitled ass! And he did NOTHING! That made my insides cry and my heart break, to see a former legend reduced to a FUCKING DOOR MAT BY A PIECE OF TRASH LIKE CAFFREY!

I knew right there and then, he was finished, and needed to be taken to the back and put down.

Roxylishus : Fuckin Caffrey. Such a try hard. Hear him prattling on about how black lives matter last show? (she shudders)

Warren W Webber : Well, they do matter!

Timeless : (grabs Webber by the collar and yanks him to his face angrily) Don’t you EVER speak to her like that!

Wrestling fans don’t give a rats ass about politics! Caffrey and his boring ass tales of covid and black rights, what’s next, he gonna start crying about Trump to us all?

Warren W Webber : (being released by Timeless and looking real flustered) What about the Call to arms?

Timeless : (glares at him in fury) The SWAT Team didn’t come to play did they. 110% Jackass. K Jinx and Boxhead Larry. They rope Roxylishus here into signing me up, and then did jack fn sqaut! Even I couldn’t take them all alone. El Combatiente had a crack, maybe we can look at him joining the Bandits down the line, if he smartens up and starts listening to his manager a bit more. It should have been the KGB team signed up, not them chumps. (gives Roxylishus a sideway look remembering she signed him to the team)

Roxylishus : I am sorry about that. I know it was my fault. It sounded a good team on paper.

Timeless : It’s ok, it’s clear them cats don’t care about anything out of our SWAT Sand Box. Domination of just SWAT isn’t enough for me though. I am going to be the biggest star this network has ever seen, and soon enough, that X Crown is coming home to The Timeless One!

I’m Timeless! The Pinnacle! Sir Winsalot! The Epitome of what a wrestler is!

We are the KGB.

We like to Root and we make all the Loot!

We take out the Trash, and collect all the Cash!

We break your heart and tear you apart!

We make Stacks and break backs!

I’ll rupture your spleen and knock you out clean!

I am the Ultimate Male Supreme!

Every breathing Woman’s Wet Dream!

A God Damn Wrestling Machine!

Un fade able!

Roxylishus : Swish Swish Mutha Fucka!

[edwarddubin0604]

(The Hired Killers are doing some stretches as they make final preparations for their match with Timeless Alex Turner and Roxylishus enjoying what they said about their opponents just said about them. When they finish their warm ups they put on their trench coats and check to see if their favorite firearms are there.)

Jade: "Isn't it funny that poor Alex whines and cries that he had a bunch of losers on Team SWAT in Call to Arms."

Kim: "Funny how he thought that KGB would have dominated that event. You know that asks the question that should have been addressed in the first place."

Jade: "Why didn't he just do that in the first place instead of becoming a member of Team SWAT but hey he wanted to boost his overinflated ego and that overrated wannabe reality TV star Roxylishus wanted to get their faces in front of a wider audience. They blew that shot when Timeless lost to Team Fuck Mongo."

Kim: "We should do Hyperion and Team Fuck Mongo a favor for doing every in SWAT a public service."

Jade: "Yeah who wants The KGB entering and win since they are so overrated too."

Kim: "Timeless bragging about being the biggest star in the XHF. If he can't win the Rumble or Call to Arms which shows that he isn't going to be the biggest star in SWAT yet. Then again his bimbo convinced him to join them which was surprisingly honest coming from both of them."

Jade: "Well in a matter of moments we'll show how brutally honest we are and we are going to be truly brutal and honest with them when we beat them."

Kim: "It's going to be a great pleasure to do just that and then some."

Jade: "We're going to enjoy owning Timeless and Roxylishus as a message to The KGB that we're not fooling around. They blew it by getting rid of us and now it's payback."

Kim: "We both know what payback's going to be."

Jade: "It's going to be a Roxylishus and we know that also means."

Kim: "It also means it's going to be a bitch."

Jade: "Meanwhile Timeless is going to be Out of Time Alex Turner because he's not going to have an easy time with us if and when we get through with him and Roxylishus."

Kim: "Think of it as the opposite outcome of his match with Eddie D. Only we're going to be the ones sending them down to their most embarrassing defeat and we we'll do just that."

Jade: "Right now let's go take care of the business at hand and let's kick some KGB ass."

(The Hired Killers leave as the scene slowly fades to black.)

[frostbite]

Peel Back the Caps begins to blast over the sound system.

CROWD.. YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Jeremy Tucker.. It appears we are being graced with the presence of our returning boss, Paul Soutter.

Andrew Fulton.. It will be interested to see what our boss as to say after he was kicked out of the KGB the group that he founded.

Jeremy Tucker.. The last time we saw our boss he was being carried out on a stretcher as his opponent one of them talking about Frostbite put him into the ICU unit.

Andrew Fulton.. Well tonight the two of them will continue their historic rivalry. Soutter looking for revenge.

Jeremy Tucker.. The set on Suit Suite is looking a little bit different.

Andrew Fulton.. A red sofa and a nice little plasma tv, but that is really it. Come to think of it, I believe I saw that sofa in the dumpster a couple of miles from the arena earlier.

Jeremy Tucker.. That might explain the smell. And here I thought it was you.

Andrew Fulton.. You are the one taking the medication for that problem, maybe you want on yourself there.

The black curtain is thrown back as we see a short blonde hair gentleman wearing a black and red tee shirt that says KGB for LIFE on the front of the shirt, he has on blue jeans and black and blue boots.

CROWD.. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Jeremy Tucker.. Wait a second that is Frostbite. What is he doing out here this is the boss show.

Frostbite walking down the aisle with an intense look in his blue eyes, as he is ignoring the crowd booing as he climbs the steps and jumps over the top ropes. He looks around at the set as he goes his head. Frostbite is looking down around ringside looking for a microphone. However as he is looking for that microphone someone is slowly walking up the steps wearing an KGB tee shirt just like Frostbite is wearing.

Andrew Fulton.. Who is this bald headed old man coming up the steps.

Jeremy Tucker.. Come to think of it, he looks the janitor that I saw right before the show.

Andrew Fulton.. I think you might be right.

The older gentleman has torn tan slacks and brown shoes that have a hole right where the big toe is at in his right shoe. The older gentleman is about to step through the ropes, but in the process he falls flat on his face.

CROWD.. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Frostbite walks over to help the gentleman to his feet.

Andrew Fulton.. Well that was a little embrassing.

After Frostbite helps him up, he grabs the microphone that is laying on the mat. He walks over to check on the gentleman.

Frostbite.. Dude, I know you are getting old but that is quite embrassing.

The older gentleman just goes over to where the sofa is at and stands behind it as he comes his arms. Frostbite looks over to him.

Frostbite.. Bruno are you alright?

Jeremy Tucker.. Did he call him Bruno?

Andrew Fulton.. I believe he did.

Frostbite.. You idiots actually thought he were going to see another boring segment of this worthless ass show.

CROWD.. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Frostbite.. That is my problem with you morons. You are feeling sorry for the man that has been screwing you people over for the last couple of years. And now after he was taught a lesson you have the nerve to cheer and feel sorry for him.

He turns to Bruno or the guy playing Bruno.

Frostbite.. When we last saw Bruno over here he was trying his very best to cover up that leech that try and feed off of the last couple of years. And what for so he can mistreat you again. You should have let the man get his ass kicked even more. Bruno I would have taken better care of you and treated you with respect. Once I win the World title around here I would have allowed you to carry the belt on your broad shoulders. But damn Bruno you have let yourself go. I know the real KGB done a number on your boy and maybe that upset you to the point where you are eating yourself out of house and home.

The older gentleman just shrugs his shoulders.

Frostbite.. Well, Paul it appears you have recovered well enough from your ass kicking to get yourself back in this ring and you decide to try and take your revenge out on me. You see Paul, I told you that I was going to burn your company to the damn ground and I have almost succeed in doing so. You actually believe that I was going to join forces with the KGB and help you rule with an iron fist over this place. Boy, you were dumber than I thought you were. Paul I always hold a grudge. You thought you disrespecting me, you really believe I was going to just welcome you with open arms and shake your hand and just let things slide. Remember back my return, I took your fat ass to some warehouse and hung you up, because too me you were a piece of fresh meat, you were bleeding everywhere.

You looks back at the guy that is suppose to be playing the role of Bruno.

Frostbite.. Paul our first encounter I had you beaten within an inch of your worthless life until the KGB saved your are. And our last encounter we beat the hell out of the other with me walking out with the win. But in that very last match, I saw something in you Paul. I saw something that I never seen in you before..

Fear...

You lost your nerve Paul. You lost that fighting sport. You have up, you did not want to fight anymore. You see I will fight until there is not an ounce left in this body but you have up Paul. The KGB saw this, well at least Timeless and Joanne, they saw it. However Team Fairtex thought differently, and they were the first that had to go, and then you had to go. The KGB needed new leadership it needed a fresh face. I am sure when you get around to talk to the world later on you are going to say something that you seek revenge on the people that turn there back on you. Paul you see you are so wrong because I am still seeking revenge for you disrespecting me for your words sometime ago. So please spare you details, about possible revenge because Paul you are going to have to kill me to get rid of me. I am willing to lose my life to prove a point the question are You? Tonight it is yet another round and I suppose your boy will be at ringside because after all you will need his help to try and beat me. I am sure Team Fairtex might have your back as well. If they do, then if it a war you want, then you got it, but remember people lose lives in a war. Do you want to see any of your boys lose there.

Frostbite walks over to the ropes.

Frostbite.. Guys.

Jeremy Tucker.. Is he talking to us?

Andrew Fulton.. I think he is.

Frostbite.. I saw last week show. Especially the triple threat match between KGB and the Rejects for the New Breed. And before you two try and correct me, I know the real name of the worthless group. After Bruno cost me the match and he did. You said that Johnnie got his revenge for my so called turning my back on the SWAT team that was doomed for failure from the get go. I do not understand what match the two of you were calling but if I memory services me correctly and it should because I was involve in the match. I was besting his ass. The man you two worship and everybody in that locker room does all because he ran a place that is no longer around. Sure it had a nice little run but if I were there then things would have been different Paul has a weak heart for those boys, that is why he has allowed then to run things around here, but I promise you with my last dying breath things are going to change around here for here on out. The new KGB will make sure of that.

He once again look back at the man playing Bruno.

Frostbite.. Paul has let this place go straight to hell. He has allowed people from this damn federation's that we are part of to take over. He has our world champion I believe part of that as well running things around here and The act is getting old. Paul I am the best damn wrestler in this company. I am a man that can give you a five star match ever single time I step into this ring but you have pushed me aside, well no more. It is time that I truly burn this bitch to the ground once and for all. And if the New general manager or anybody in this company wants to try and stop me, them try and do your very best, but it will not be good enough. It is time I really take over. It is time I show this worthless company just how dangerous I can really am.

Frostbite walks over to the sofa, he examines it.

Frostbite.. I guess there is only one thing left to do and that is create a symbol and leave an impression.

Jeremy Tucker.. What does he mean?

Frostbite pulls out a lighter from his pocket as he lights it. He tosses the lighter onto the sofa.

Andrew Fulton.. Dear God, as Frostbite lost his damn mind. Where is the firefighters?

Frostbite., Paul you are little show is dead, and after our match you are going to be as well. It is time to burn this bitch right to the ground.

The man playing Bruno jumps out of the ring with a horrific look in his green eyes and our cameras are zooming out into the crowd some with that same look.

Jeremy Tucker.. Man we have got to move.

Andrew Fulton.. I feel the heat from it.

Frostbite is just standing there looking right into the fire not even moving a muscle, as he begins to laugh.

Andrew Fulton.. Thank God, some security officers have fire extinguishers as they climb into the ring as they try and put out the fire.

Frostbite is just laughing.

Jeremy Tucker.. We must go to a break, hopefully this fire will be put out and we can get some action underway.

[frostbite]

Earlier in the day..

It is a hot and humid day here but it is normal late spring day here in the state of Texas. Our cameras are at some small diner just on right on the border. The building is rather a small one probably under thousand square feet, the building has a sign on the sign just outside in a small parking lot where we see a flashing sign that says BO diner, not too many vehicles in the small parking lot only one, and that is a green pickup truck. The window on the left hand side of the diner has a crack at the very top and the glass door has a small crack on the bottom left hand. As we head inside we see this diner is quite old. The diner appears to have been around since the fifties are so.

We see pink booth, and pink and black colored walls, we see a record as a matter of fact about six of them on the walls, we even see a sign picture of the king himself, Elvis. We see an older gray haired gentleman wearing a light blue shirt with brown slacks on as he is making a milkshake from behind the counter. We see a young lady wearing a pink blouse with a matching mini skirt and see is on roller blades, as she moving over to the counter to pick up and plate full of ribs, and a couple of ice teas. The plate is full of ribs one must wonder just who order this large plate. The young lady has the tray in her hands as she rolls over to the other side of the room as she keeps her balance and does a great job of it maybe SWAT should give her a contract.

As she rolls over to the other side of the dinner they are two large gentleman sitting there, one man is wearing a brown tee shirt with gray sweats and brown boots. The gentleman sitting across from him is wearing a black tee shirt with faded black jeans and black steel toe boots. The young lady drops on the tray and the large plate with nothing but ribs and their ice teas.

Young lady.. Anything else I can get you.

The two rather large gentleman shake their heads no as the young lady rolls away, we see that it is Doomsday and Lucifer. The two dig right into the plate as they are eating away at those nice, large juicy ribs as you can see the sauce dripping off the ribs and into their plates. The two licking their lips as it appears they are enjoying. Doomsday quickly dusts off his set of ribs.

Doomsday.. These ribs are really good. I had a buddy said these things were good and I have to admit he was right. They say everything is bigger in Texas and he was not kidding. These ribs are huge.

Lucifer finishes off a set.

Lucifer.. Wait a second, I thought Missouri had the best set of ribs around, Kansas city right.

The gentleman begins the bar and the young lady just look at him.

Doomsday.. That might be true.

He looks at the two, as they turn around and act like they are doing something important.

Lucifer.. Nevertheless, who has the best ribs we need to talk about your tag team match.

Doomsday.. SWAT management as put us in the ring against a team that had down well for themselves since they made their debut. Lunchbox Larry and KJAX.

Lucifer looks a little puzzled.

Lucifer.. Lunchbox, I use to carry one of those two school, I believe it was a bugs bunny one at that.

Doomsday.. That is the man name.

Lucifer.. Okay I got you.

Doomsday.. However, I think this KJAX is the smart one of the two so I believe we need to take him out of the equation.

Lucifer.. Look all joking aside those two are simply about to get their asses handed to them. I can not stand those two coming in and beating team after team, that is until they step in the ring with us.

Doomsday.. You see big man, I know management has decided to throw these two in our direction because they are the New flavor of the month. They are the hot team around here. I know Rally and Tuxedo Mask might be because they are the tag team champions, but these two are on such a roll. I know management believes that they will stop us and derail of from taking those tag team titles.

Lucifer.. How much longer can they keep us away from those tag team titles? I am so tired of jumping through hoops for this company. They really believe these two are the next great team around here. If it not these two, it will be Team Fairtex again or they will throw somebody together and make them tag team champions. It appears this company and the locker room is not getting the message.

Doomsday.. After we are through with these two they will get the message. I am sure they are going to say they have this match in the bag, they should outwit the two seven footers. But we are going to win this match whatever it takes to win this damn match.

Lucifer reaches over and grabs himself a plate full of ribs.

Doomsday.. Hungry are you not there big man.

He nods his head.

Doomsday takes his glass of tea as he tosses it back, as Lucifer dusts off some more ribs.

Lucifer.. Just who is you going to be the next flavor of the month. I am getting so damn tired of this. We need to win those tag team titles soon or I am going to beat ever single wrestler in that locker room. We will beat this idiots and then demand a tag team title shot, no more of being overlooked.

Doomsday.. I know big man it is getting or should I say it has gone to far. When we win this match, it should put ourselves on the mat once and for all.

Lucifer., What if we lose, then what in the hell do you do?

Dokmsday.. Did you just say if we lose?

Lucifer.. Well I am saying they are going to try and screw us over whether it might be a fast count or something else just might happen. We need this.

Doomsday.. We are going to win this, we are not only going to win this match but we are going to hurt those two. The management and the locker room have already gotten a taste and those two are more samples of what they have done to us. They have pissed us off and someone is going to pay.

Lucifer.. And pay they shall.

The two dig right back into those ribs as the scene fades out.

[vastrix]

High above the arena there is a black airship. It looks like a blimp with a great black steel ship under it instead of the normal blimp. Great propellers in the back of the ship propel the ship forward with jet engines in place for emergencies.

Below the deck in the front of the airship is the Observation Deck. A great window taking up much of the front of the ship. Armand von Krauss is in front of his window with his hands behind his back as he looks down upon the arena. He’s in an expensive tailored blue business suit.

It’s his first ever wrestling match. Oh, he has fought before, but those were fights to the death. He had not run his Krimson Kharnival without a few fighters forgetting their place and challenging their boss to a fight.

Armand von Krauss: Colin Trentwood is my first victim tonight. I am going to enjoy this. A refreshing change of pace to be able to keep my opponent alive after I’m through with him. Though, I think that Colin Trentwood will wish that I killed him once I’m finished with him.

Armand lights an expensive imported Egyptian cigarette and blows smoke against the glass of the window where it expands in a wide circle.

Armand von Krauss: It is an exciting time to be joining a schwache Kampfliga as a warrior instead of as owner. Isn't it, my dear?

The view pans back to see Esmeralda von Krauss, the long time wife of Armand, sitting in a lounge chair. She is in a shimmering emerald green evening gown as she smokes her own Egyptian cigarette on a foot long holder.

Esmeralda von Krauss: You’ll do marvelously, dahling. Just be sure to not kill this Colin in the middle of the ring or I’m sure they will take your victory away from you.

Armand nods his head, flicking ashes from his cigarette to the floor. Why is it that he’s still with Esmeralda since she has cheated on him constantly since they took over Riot Star Wrestling from Chris Parsons. Esmeralda first {No Means No} the star, D, and then slept with RSW World champion, Shane Mitchell, while Armand von Krauss was in prison for his Krimson Kharnival dealings. When Armand made his way out of prison, he sold the closing Riot Star Wrestling back to Chris Parsons and threatened Esmeralda with divorce. She pleaded with him to stay and promised to cool her passions.

Armand puts his cigarette out against the window and flicks the butt away. He supposes that he still loves her, despite her passions burning bright. He chuckles.

Armand von Krauss: It will be difficult to contain myself and keep him alive, but I’m sure it’s something that I can do.

Esmeralda von Krauss: I’m sure you can, dahling.

Armand walks over to the wall where there’s a phone on the wall. He presses a button to call the helm.

Armand von Krauss: Put us down in the parking lot so I can get into the arena. My opponent awaits.

[suzispitz]

For those of you, who may not know, and I would imagine most of you wouldn't, a little background on what is about to happen…

You see, there once was a very tenacious competitor, named Ash Algera… laughed at… mocked… ridiculed, and humiliated by those who THOUGHT they were better…

Yet, theirs are names now long forgotten, while thousands still know hers…

Still laughed at… still mocked… but they know her name. (<- Note the period.)

Why? Because she could make things happen with only a few words…

And, believe it, or not, The Most Underrated Mega-Star in the History of this Business flat out dominated Suzi Spitz several times.

And now, her name has made it to the big time…

Because, as we all know, we perform much better, when we are inspired, and that woman is one of Suzi's greatest influences…

So…

For the first time ever, another of her greatest influences performs an Official Ash Algera One Liner™…

~ Ozzy Osbourne texts friends ~

To : Suzi Spitz

Dear Suzi,

(unintelligible words spelled with random letters) fu*king greatest fu*king (unintelligible words spelled with random letters) in professional fu*king wrestling today.

(unintelligible words spelled with random letters) you will fu*king destroy (unintelligible words spelled with random letters) and those two fu*king (unintelligible words spelled with random letters) going to find out who the fu*k is still the real fu*king champion.

(unintelligible words spelled with random letters) why you're a bloody rock star (unintelligible words spelled with random letters)

The buzzing sound of her Official Ash Algera Smart Phone™ wakes her, and, as everybody knows, sleeping is nearly impossible, knowing there is an incoming message to be read.

In what appears to be one swift motion, she sits up, and grabs her phone.

SS : What the holy hell?

~ Suzi Spitz checks her messages ~

She glares at the screen, obviously confused, for a moment, before a man's voice is heard…

Man : CUUUT! ALRIGHT, BACK FROM THE START!

Suzi abruptly casts her icy glare toward the rather frail looking young cameraman.

SS : Keep it rollin'… I don't give a damn about all your cinimatic sh*t. This ain't some 80's soap opera, it's a freakin' wrestlin' show.

Ya really think the fans are payin' ta watch me sleep? This whole setup is bullsh*t!

The only real thing ya go on camera so far, is Ozzy reminding me of just who the fu*k I am, and GUESS WHAT!..

There's no tellin' what he thought he was talkin' about, but HE WAS RIGHT!.. heh-heh… Ozzy's always right.

I'm the bloodiest rock star ya ever did see. And I'm born to rock and roll. I'm here to stay.

Now…

Joanne Canelli… The Don… hmmmph… lemme tell ya somethin', sweetnipple… in this business, there's only one top dog. One head honcho. ONE!..

Big Cheese… that's me. I'm The Big Cheese.

By the way, that's gangsta language. It means that if ya step into my ring, I'm gonna whip your ass, girlie. But it doesn't have ta be that way…

ya see, Joanie, I'm gonna make you an offer ya can't refuse…

I'm willin' to allow you the opportunity to hide out in the back, somewhere, like a stinkin' coward, while I beat the holy hell outta Lucky Linda…

'Cause I know that you know that I know, that Linda can whip your ass too.

So I'll take care of her for ya, kid, and then, you can come out, with your goons… however many goons ya want, what do I care?.. Whaddaya gonna do? I'm Suzi Spitz, I'll take 'em all out. Ya can't do nothin'… I'll kick their asses, and bada-bing-bada-boom, I smack you around a little while, and I'm a three time champ.

But I digress…

That's the offer.

Take it…

or leave it.

The Violent Vixen lights a big fat fattie, and cranks up some ridiculously annoying opera music, as the scene fades into a commercial break…

~ Ash Algera One Liners™ used by permission, with much love, and respect for Ash Algera, The Undisputed Queen of Drama ~

[edwarddubin0604]

(It's a few days before Battleground 28 and Team Fairtex is at Texas's world famous Gillian's. Phantam is dressed as a goofy looking cowboy riding a mechanical bull and is holding something in his free hand as he holds on yelling like a cowboy.)

Phantam Fairtex: "Hey ya'll! Ya hungry for a good meal after a hard days work! Ya tired of the same ole tired tasting meal with the same ole same ole sauce an fixin's! Well ya'll in luck because ah have the perfect few ya! Try Old Bob's BBQ Sauce! It's so hot ya'll need to drain ya wells just to get your mouth cool again!"

(A shot is fired and Phantam's goofy cowboy hat flies off but he manages to get it back onto his head while still holding the bottle and staying on the mechanical bull.)

Phantam Fairtex: "Hey it's so hot ya'll be seeing smoke comin out of ya nostrils and ears and fire coming out of ya mouth! Old Bob's BBQ Sauce will even make you feel gas coming out of ya butt! It's made from a secret family recipe that dates back over a hundred years and it's still cooking on those fired up grills! So try something old Old Bob's BBQ Sauce! Ya'll mouth with love it! Yea Ha!"

Director: "Cut and wrap! Great job Phantam!"

Phantam Fairtex: "Thanks."

(He winces as he slowly gets off the mechanical bull holding his butt as he makes his way to his brother Tong.)

Tong Fairtex: "You okay."

Phantam Fairtex: "Yeah I'm going to be feeling it for quite a while."

Tong Fairtex: "Here's something to give you a bit of comfort."

(Tong hands him a pillow.)

Phantam Fairtex: "Thanks."

(Team Fairtex sits down at a table.)

Phantam Fairtex: "So what do you think of my idea."

Tong Fairtex: "It's stupid and immature."

Phantam Fairtex: "Hey the Society of the Over the Hill Mob stole our SWAT World Tag Team Championships and they made a joke out not defending them! Hell Brothers In Anarchy mopped the ring with them in the first round of the Anzac Cup. Then Rally steals another title from his brother in Society of the New Breed 110% Syberus with Eddie D's help but won't own up to it. Then between that time that human fart ass Rally Jackson places his shit into wrestler's gear bags and that's not stupid and immature."

Tong Fairtex: "Okay I agree with that part."

(Phantam takes out an iPad and turns it on.)

Phantam Fairtex: "Let's see what's going on in our locker room and find out who's ass is going to be handed to them."

Tong Fairtex: "Let's find out."

(Phantam works the iPad and their locker room comes into view.)

Phantam Fairtex: "Oh I can't wait to see what's going on."

(Team Fairtex sees Rally entering their locker room and puts down what looks like a big bag of what looks like his business and opens up Team Fairtex's lockers and removes their gear bags.)

Phantam Fairtex: "Got that bitch right where we want him."

Tong Fairtex: "We're going to teach him a lesson that's he going to regret. In fact Phantam we're going to keep him in the ring and we're going to beat that fat carcass of his down so bad that he's going to be gassed out in a matter of seconds."

Phantam Fairtex: "If his partner Tuxedo Penguin dares interfere we're going to throw him unceremoniously out of the ring before continuing to punish that fat overweight rusty god. They stole our property and they're going to pay a price for it. They stuff our gear bag with shit and we're going to make them pay even worse for that."

Tong Fairtex: "rally and Tuxedo will wish they didn't hear the name Team Fairtex."

Phantam Fairtex: "You know Tong it seems that we've been real popular in SWAT lately."

Tong Fairtex: "Yeah besides Satan's Disciples still talking about us and Frostbite's been talking about us."

Phantam Fairtex: "Yeah Frostbite calling us Tong and Dong. Hey Frost Boy you forgot all the times we saved your over rated ass, but then again you didn't need any help from us against Satan's Disciples since they were just beating you down like the ungrateful piece of trash you were."

Tong Fairtex: "Now speaking of pieces of Satan's Disciples who keep complaining and complaining about us and blaming everyone but themselves.
You two must be hard of hearing because we keep telling you over and over and over again that we're going to give you a rematch. How many times do we have to tell you two walking goal posts that we intend to give you a rematch. Hell we would have wrestled you with or without the championships but you still keep complaining and complaining about us screwing you. So why don't you just shut up and we'll have that rematch since that's what you want and we'll be glad to give you two that rematch."

Phantam Fairtex: "If they can shut their mouths and don't do anything stupid."

Tong Fairtex: "Yeah that will be something they never thought of doing."

Phantam Fairtex: "So why not get something to eat."

Tong Fairtex: "Yeah how about some real food like Gillan's world famous cuisine."

Phantam Fairtex: "Oh I can't wait to taste their food."

9They pick up their menus.)

Tong Fairtex: "In a couple of days Society of the New Breed is going to have only a single title and it's going to be so worthless that it won't be taken seriously anymore. The SWAT World Tag Team Championships will be relevant again when we reclaim our lost property and then as an added bonus we'll give Rally a taste of his own medicine and we know what that's going to be."

Phantam Fairtex: "Yeah a couple of bags of his own shit."

(The waitress comes over and they give her their orders as the scene slowly fades to black.)

[ManMountainFierce]

The Hillbilly Assassin's One Hour Fun Hour Extravaganza Podcast Episode 1.1 

Hosted by "The Storyteller" 
Featuring James "The Hillbilly Assassin" Fierce

 [Cue music "Evil on my Mind" by the .357 String Band


The Storyteller: Welcome to the premier episode of the greatest podcast that you did not know you needed, but you most definitely needed in your lives, The Hillbilly Assassin's One Hour Fun Hour Extravaganza Podcast! Today we will explore the deepest, zaniest, darkest depths of the world champion of the entire universe, James Fierce. We opened up the twitterverse for 30 seconds three tuesdays ago for your questions, and I got to say the responses were outstanding and overwhelming. The people really, really needed Fierce in their lives, and we here at KGB LLC. aim to please. Before we get to the questions for the former prophetic eater of hot dogs and wrestling genius,  we must hear from out sponsors.

_{Are your balls hairy?}

_{Is your Dick Limp?}

_{Does tender reject your profile?}

_{Is your kung fu skills subpar?}

_{Do the neighborhood kids mock you?}

_{We have the solution for you!}

_{The Team Fairtex Presents}

_{The DVD program that WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!}

_{Learn how to shave that bushiest of bushes with the Shootfighter's katakana imprinted claw.} 

_{Observe Tong and Dong use rubber bands to get that limpy dickie hard.}

_{See the whole clan take on the evil bastards of the Journey of Hope Charity in what can only be described as a bloodbath.}

_{Get your package today! Just go down to the 7-11 and ask of Tong!}

_{Or long on to geocities.com/Shootfightersbadasssystem}

The Storyteller: Now that some of the bills are paid, lets get the questions! @paulsoutter asks, "can i have my subway punch card back, please? I was two subs away from a free foot-long?

[James chewing loudly on a 12 inch meatball sub.]

James Fierce: No, Paul you cannot have you subway punch card, they disbanded them 20 years ago. Jeez, and besides everyone knows that Firehouse Subs is where its at today. For the love of all that's holy, stop calling me Paul. Stop. You're done. You've been Jannetty'd. 

The Storyteller: Marty from Connecticut wants to know can he have his leg back?

James Fierce:  Let me ponder that. It is a mighty fine leg after all. Mayhaps a trade for the Vega Mask? 

The Storyteller: And speaking of trades... one of our sponsors has a deal for you!

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Does watching interest you?

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The Storyteller: The next segment is one we like to call, who is it. Are you ready James?

James Fierce: As always.

The Storyteller: Who is your opponent?

James Fierce: God dammit, I told you no gotcha questions! Just like the liberal media trying to twist my words into something that I didn't mean. Your fake news Storyteller! Hash Tag FakeNews! 

The Storyteller: So you didn't look at the card yet?

James Fierce: No. Did you?

The Storyteller: I uhhh, no. 

James Fierce: I believe it's an enhancement match. 

The Storyteller: So a Jobber.

James Fierce: THAT's OFFENSIVE! 

The Storyteller: So your opponent is Blue Chew?

James Fierce: Sure, either way it's an insult. An insult to this kid who is going to get stretched. An insult to the adoring public who needs to see the original BANDIT put on a ten star classic with an actual adversary worth my time. Truth be told, I'm final Boss being booked like a first level MOB. I get paid per match, and frankly if you blink you may just miss this one.

The Storyteller: Speaking of missing, here's a word from our sponsor.

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The Storyteller: Now for a segment that we like to call, WTF. James, what the Fuck?

James Fierce: I know, what the fuck is up with picture posting guy? I mean, come-on. That shit gives me a headache. You look in a mirror lately? You need to lay off the tanning bed and do something about them teeth. I mean, growing up in West Virginia we here about the stereotypes, but I tell you what; I've been down a many a holler and I ain't never seen a mug quiet like that one before.

The Storyteller: And Now, Thoughts from the Assassin.

James Fierce: I like violence and frankly the thought of stretching and snapping makes me warm on the inside. 

The Storyteller: AND that's all the time we have folks! Be sure to catch episode 1.2 as we do a deep dive of the live and times of wrestling legend and close foe of the show Paul E. Soutter.

James Fierce: I think that went well... maybe next time we can have sound effects...


[cue evil banjos.]

  

[Venom 🕷]

When I was first preparing to come to the XHF I was so excited to get out of my bubble that I didn’t even think twice about who I would be working with. I had never left the Southern California scene except for a few shows it Mexico. I was going to go from a small region nobody to a globetrotting star of the XHF scene, I didn’t care how.

So when Venom first paired me up with a man that was only introduced to me as Javier I didn’t second guess it. I was just happy to have a guide on this journey to keep me from stepping out of my lane. Someone to help me navigate the waters that was this new global world.


Never did I guess that Javier might not have the same values as me. I didn’t think that a man like Venom would hire someone more along his lines than more along my lines. I trusted that he was out for my best interests. I didn’t have any reason to believe that Javier was not true to my values in my first run, and I when he reached back out to me for this run with SWAT I still believed he was on my side. The match with Lord Dominicus changed all that, and now I don’t know if I can trust him. Now I fight with my attention split, one eye on my opponent and one eye on the man that should be the only one I can confide in.


In the arena Javier is on his way into the arena, alone. His head is hung low as his comes in with his roller bag dragging behind him. He is interrupted by a stage hand who hollers out at him.


Stage hand: Where’s your client man? You lose your golden ticket?


Javier keeps his head low and continues walking along, but under his breath we hear him mumbling.


Javier: I haven’t lost anything. He just doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand that I have his best interests at heart. He doesn’t understand that I’m just looking out for him. It doesn’t matter. We’re under contract together. I’ll be out there even if he doesn’t want me to be. I’ll have his best interests at heart.


Javier walks off screen and we cut away.


Tonight is my first step on my own. Sure, Javier will probably be there, but know that I am truly on my own now. I may have made a small bond with my fellow Call to Arms teammates, but we aren’t going to team up and become a stable now. None of them will be rushing out to have my back if Javier does something against me. I am fully alone and while Call to Arms was my showcase I may have done more damage to myself than good. I had the strongest showing of anyone on the Swat Team and while that has brought my name into the mouth of high ranking people like Anthony Caffery it has also put a target on my back.


Tonight I have my first match with a big target on my back. I face off against one of the newest members of SWAT in Samuel Blackstone and you better believe he will be looking to make a name for himself at the expense of SWAT’s rising star. I will not take the larger Hawaiian lightly. I am ready for his strength and I know that while he’s got far fewer years in the ring than me that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to get the win. Tonight I will debut the new me, the me I’ve always been, and while he’ll be looking to make a name by taking me out I’ll be looking to continue my rise at his expense.


We cut back inside where now Javier is in a familiar spot, in front of a XHF and SWAT backdrop with a microphone in his hand. While he’s still alone he’s now fully in character. He has the confidence brimming that we’re used to, and while he’s alone he’s clearly here for a purpose.


Javier: Over recent weeks my client has began his accent to the top of this company with win after win and a showcase of his talent on a large stage at Call to Arms that put SWAT in higher esteem than the teams of much more talked about companies like the AWF and J-Rok if only for one night. With victories over men like Hayden Callahan who was the hot SWAT star before my client and a recent Junior Heavyweight Champion Lord Dominicus not only is my client the hottest thing SWAT has but with a victory over a newcomer tonight he could be poised for a real shot before you know it. So Mr. Blackstone I must apologize to you ahead of time. I know little about you as does most of the fan base, but tonight you will be looking to give us more information about who you are and what you could be, but instead you are going to get shut down by the future face of this company, even if it is behind a mask. So like I said I apologize. I’m sorry for knocking your star out of the sky before you even have a chance to fully ascend. Tonight you walk into the path of future champion. This is something you can tell your kids about because tonight you will be graced by greatness, enjoy it.


Javier smiles and the camera cuts back to the arena.

[tuxbang]

[Scene opens up to Tux working from home in sweatpants, an unbuttoned shirt and the Swat tag belt casually draped over the chair. He dons a headset as the ultra-catchy earworm that is the Skype ringtone plays. Answering it, Tux begins clicking around to adjust levels and get the call working.]

Tuxedo Mask: Okay, can you hear me now? No? Okay... now? Now? Hello? Now? Testing one two, oh come on, really? If camgirls can get this working, why can't we?

[Onscreen is "Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine, clearly in some kind of fluorescent-lit office with dingy walls but sporting a headset as well.]

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: You're the one that has a YouTube channel, you should know these things.

Tuxedo Mask: Ah, I guess it's working now. Cool. And YouTube is different because it's not a conversation; it's one direction.

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: Are they still around? Didn't know One Direction was big in Korea.

Tuxedo Mask: I'm Japanese.

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: Wait, really? I thought you were doing the Yokozuna thing and you were actually Hawaiian or from Seattle or something.

Tuxedo Mask: You literally recruited me at a show in Kyoto, remember?

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: I don't even remember last week. Anyway, you set for this tag defense with Rally coming up? I'm trying to feed long odds against you to my bookie but he really likes moonsaults and Brazilians so he favors you guys.

Tuxedo Mask: You're betting against us?

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: I'm making money.

Tuxedo Mask: Right, you're still in debt to the IRS.

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: Are we still doing that angle?

[Tux shrugs]

Tuxedo Mask: So the team we're facing, in modern tradition I haven't really scouted them much but I do pick up pretty strong comic book goth vibes off them. It'd be awesome if they were in the women's division because that's totally my thing, but nah. I expect to see a cape at some point.

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: Didn't you used to wear a cape?

Tuxedo Mask: Used to?

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: Fair enough.

[The call is interrupted by that sweetass Skype ringtone. Tux answers the call and Rally Jackson joins in. Rally is... polishing his chest? No, waxing. Not sure, let's ask.]

Tuxedo Mask: Wow Rally, that is not the usual sexy that I like to see.

"Tigerheart" Rally Jackson: What? Oh shit, is the camera on?

[Rally panics and tries to find a button to click to turn the webcam off. Tux looks down politely. Jonnie just stares.]

Tuxedo Mask: So anyway, I was thinking that this match will be an important defense. When belts bounce around from man to man or team to team, they lose stature and significance. Winning a belt that everyone has worn isn't worthwhile; I'd like to make an effort to retain the title for awhile, to return legacy to wrestling. It's become such a business to sell shirts-

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: And you will sell shirts!

Tuxedo Mask: I- well yeah okay.

"Tigerheart" Rally Jackson: Cat's out of the bag; I wax my chest.

Tuxedo Mask: Dude so does half of every federation. Pretty sure Suzi Spitz does too.

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: I'd still hit it.

"Tigerheart" Rally Jackson: Surprised you haven't already.

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: She's taking the social distance thing pretty seriously and they haven't opened up the Olive Garden yet so I'm really off my mojo with her. It's a matter of time.

Tuxedo Mask: It's a matter of a restraining order.

"Hardkore" Jonnie Valentine: I like it when they play hard to get.

Tuxedo Mask: Alright Rally, finish smoothing out your chest because we're gonna train for this match and put our names on the map. This belt is going to mean something!

"Tigerheart" Rally Jackson: And then ribs?

Tuxedo Mask: Yes we can get ribs after.

[Fade out]

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : I am afraid we had a mix up with the network, an over-run of the commercial break and The Hired Killers are already in the ring.

Andrew Fulton : You didn’t miss much folks; we all know what boos sound like.

Jeremy Tucker : They looked all business on the way out here; focused and ready. They’re entrance music was cool too…

Andrew Fulton : Was it though? Was… it… though?

Jeremy Tucker : OK. Music is subjective, but there’s no grey area when it comes to this match. When the baseball bats came out and Roxy was attacked just the other week, there was always going to be payback.

Andrew Fulton : Revenge? KGB civil war? Well that’s the backdrop maybe, but we all know why these nerdy teenage boys are blushing and putting their programs over their laps. It’s the lady heading out here now… Foxy Roxylishus! …and that Alex guy has his charm too, I guess.

[Orion - Eternity (Chillout Version) hits and Turner struts down the aisle, glaring at the crowd with contempt and disgust. Roxylishus stops to interact with one of the crowd, then wretches and turns away heading to the ring, she gets up on the apron and holds the ropes down for Turner.

Roxylishus grabs the mic and passes it to Turner.]

Timeless : I got passion in my pants and I ain’t afraid to show it.

Crowd : I’M, SEXY AND I KNOW IT!

Timeless : No (holding his hand up to block them) You’re not!

I (points to himself with his thumb) AM!

[Timeless drops the mic and saunters smugly around the ring impressed with himself.]

Frank Salazar : Introducing now, hailing from New Hope, Minnesotta. Coming in at 6’3 and 262 pounds ... Representing the KGB ... Accompanied to the ring by his tag team partner tonight… ROXYLISHUS! …Welcome to the ring …TIMELESS ALEX TURNER!!!

Jeremy Tucker : This Texas crowd eager for this first match to get under way…

Andrew Fulton : No more eager than the wrestlers it seems… The bell has been called and Roxylishus is starting off against Jade... Timeless claps encouragement and gets the crowd involved from the outset… Jade and Roxylishus lock up… Roxylishus slaps Jade into a wrist lock… Jade winces and drops to one knee… Roxylishus applies more pressure and twists the arm… Jade roles forwards and arm drags Roxylishus over to escape the hold… They both get back to their feet… Jade shakes out the pain in her wrist and the pair lock up… Jade locks Roxylishus into a side headlock, punches her in the face and walks Roxylishus back to her corner and tags in Kim…

Jeremy Tucker : Kim steps in and grabs a fist full of Roxylishus’ hair… Kim and Jade run with Roxylishus still in the side head lock… Double Bulldog! …The referee demands that Jade get out of the ring… Kim drags Roxylishus up and hits a neatly executed snap suplex… Kim goes to drop an elbow on Roxylishus, but she rolls out of the way… Kim gets up cross at herself and goes to knee drop Roxylishus, but Roxylishus has rolled out of the way again… Kim is fuming… She goes to drag Roxy up, but Roxylishus dives for her corner and tags Timeless in!

Andrew Fulton : Timeless runs in and lariat clotheslines Kim down hard… Jade comes running in and Timeless lifts her up… Powerslam! … Jade rolls away winded and hurting and rolls to the outside… Kim has gotten to the ropes and eases herself back to her feet… Timeless off the ropes running at Kim with pace… clothesline over the top rope! …and Kim falls hard to the outside… Timeless goes to the second rope and throws his hands up… the crowd pop …

(The Crowd shout… I’M, SEXY AND I KNOW IT!) Timeless smiles, shakes his head and points his thumbs at himself.

Jeremy Tucker : Kim and Jade are regrouping on the outside as the referee counts …1 … …2 … …3 … …4 … Kim is shouting abuse at Timeless and sadly I can’t make out everything being said… The referee isn’t being distracted … …5 … …6 …

Andrew Fulton : Looks like Kim is playing mind games, saying that if they’re really a team he should tag Roxy back in… Timeless is looking out to the crowd… what’s he asking their opinion for? …None of them know how to win a wrestling match…

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless has tagged in Roxylishus and Kim walks up the ring steps and steps in cautiously… They circle each other…. They lock up… Kim locks Roxylishus into a side headlock and walks her back to her corner to tag in Jade… but just short of the tag Roxylishus lifts Kim up… Side Suplex! …Kim rolls away clutching her neck and gets back to her feet… Roxylishus gestures for Kim to bring it on… Kim fumes and charges at Roxylishus… Roxylishus drop toes holds Kim down across the middle rope!

Andrew Fulton : …Kim drops throat first across that rope and is gasping for breath as Roxylishus tags in Timeless… Timeless drags Kim up… Exploder Suplex! And a beauty!... Kim is still getting her breath back and Timeless crosses over… Kim tries to low blow Timeless as he steps over her… but he blocks it and drops a knee on her…

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless drags Kim up… FISHERMAN BOMB! …Timeless has the leg hooked

1…

2…

Jade makes the save with a running dropkick to Timeless’ side…

Andrew Fulton : Timeless rolls away, nursing his ribs, as Jade is ordered out of the ring by the referee… Timeless points a threatening finger at Jade as he drags Kim up and walks her into his corner and tags Roxylishus in…

Jeremy Tucker : Roxylishus steps in and chops Kim across the chest… Roxylishus Irish whips Kim into the ropes… Timeless and Roxylishus meet Kim mid-ring …Double Superkick!!!

Andrew Fulton : Jade tries to come in and break up the momentum… Timeless meets here with a SPEAR! …Roxylishus covers Kim

1…

2…

Kick out by Kim!

Jeremy Tucker : Wow… what resilience from Kim there… The referee orders Jade and Timeless out of the ring…

Andrew Fulton : Jade has had enough… She’s headed for weapons tucked under the ring apron… Roxylishus and Kim are exchanging forearm smashes in the centre of the ring… Timeless has seen the danger and headed out after Jade… Jade takes a chair and threatens Timeless with it… Timeless backs off as Jade decides whether to head in and hit Roxylishus or tackle him… Roxylishus drops Kim with a jawbreaker… Roxylishus covers… The referee dives down for the cover… Jade is distracted by the cover… Timeless dropkicks the metal chair into Jade’s face!!!…

1…

2…

Kick out by Kim!

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless returns to his corner… Jade is dazed and draped over the guard rail trying to get her bearings and Kim really needs that tag…

Andrew Fulton : Roxylishus tags in Timeless… Kim tries to lash out with a punch but Timeless blocks it… steps in… FALCONS ARROW!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Timeless covers…

1…

2…

Timeless lifts her head from the canvas! Timeless shakes his finger, gesturing it’s not over yet…

Andrew Fulton : You said it heading in Jeremy… This one is for revenge… Timeless hasn’t finished with the Hired Killers yet…

Jeremy Tucker : Jade is finally up on the apron and holding her hand out ready for the tag…

Andrew Fulton : And bizarrely Timeless tosses Kim into her corner and gestures for Jade to get in there… Does he think she won’t come in there kick his arse? …I sure as hell wouldn’t be inviting that on myself… The tag is made… Kim rolls out to the arena floor to recover…

Jeremy Tucker : Jade dives in there and unloads with a round house kick and some punches… Timeless has his guard up blocking most of the blows… Timeless ducks a big swinging right and gets in behind Jade… Timeless lifts jade up for a belly to back suplex… hits the TURN ME LOOSE!!!! (adapted belly to back suplex, into a sit out wheelbarrow face buster)

Andrew Fulton : And just when you thought you were full after the main course… here comes desert …Timeless slaps Jade in THE TURNABOUT! (Rings of Saturn)

Jeremy Tucker : Kim has managed to clamber back onto the apron with a baseball bat in hand…

Andrew Fulton : But Roxylishus sprints across the ring and dropkicks Kim off the apron!!!… Kim lands badly at the base of the guard rail and the baseball bat spins wildly up and out into the crowd…

Jeremy Tucker : Jade has held on valiantly but she’s tapping now… The referee calls for the bell... this one is over.

Frank Salazar: WINNERS BY SUBMISSION… ROXYLISHUS! And TIMELESS ALEX TURNER!!!!!

Andrew Fulton : Team Fairfax are out on the ramp as Timeless and Roxylishus take their bows and enjoy their victory…

Jeremy Tucker : …Will this be trouble?

Andrew Fulton : …Nope, you can tell by the way they’re walking this is just a social call… looks like they’re out here to do gentlemanly thing and helping their ladies to the backstage… Timeless gives the guys a knowing look and Team Fairfax barely give him and Roxylishus a glance as they head up the aisle with their wives…

Jeremy Tucker : Kim is trying to goad her man into defending her honour…

Andrew Fulton : …Why? She never did…

Jeremy Tucker : Great way to start the show here in Texas… One down and many more to go… but for now here’s a word from our sponsors…

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Back here in Dallas folks and our next match is between two up and comers looking for their first win here in SWAT. Brien O. Thomas taking on Mohammad Khan. Both men have come up on the short end of the stick as of late, and a victory here in Dallas is just what they need to get them into some title contention.

Andrew Fulton: Mohammad Khan is a hired assassin for KGB, he hasn't had to worry about wins and losses. But tonight that all changes.

("Dancing Fool" by Frank Zappa pumps over the PA. Pyros explode. Brien O' Thomas stoically walks down to the ring, messing with his hair. When he gets to ringside, you can see a small strip of his hair missing, starting back to the top of his head)

Jeremy Tucker: Brien O. Thomas with his first singles match in a while here in SWAT. He's usually teaming with TJ Zousa.

Andrew Fulton: Right, I miss that guy. He's the life of the party. This one's a bit dull.

Jeremy Tucker: Jaime Bolt seems to have a bizarre haircut now.

Andrew Fulton: Mmm? Oh yes. Rally dropped a few somas in O. Thomas' vodka at the bar last night, and buzzed poor lad when he fell asleep in a booth. Everyone had a big laugh over that one. Except Brien. Just the SWAT International Champion ribbing a guy for the boys. It promotes locker room cohesion, Jerry.

Jeremy Tucker: I didn't hear everyone was going to the bar last night?

Andrew Fulton: Of course not, stooge.

Frank Salazar: "The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a 30 minute time limit. Featuring first, from Oslo, Norway, he stands 6 feet 3 inches tall, weighing 242 pounds...BRIEN O. THOMAS!!!!!"

(The Dallas fans applaud. Then when Nimbooda Nimbooda hits the cheers turn to jeers. Mohammad Khan drives down to the ring in his taxi cab)

Andrew Fulton: Oh thank god, someone get me out of Texas. Over here, taxi!

Jeremy Tucker: Would you stop? That's Mohammad Khan.

(Mohammad Khan gets out and stands on the roof. He poses for the fans, then runs down the bonnet and somersaults onto the aisle)

Jeremy Tucker: Another tag team wrestler here looking for some singles success.

Andrew Fulton: The beginning of a big breakout for the kid here, Jerry. Mark my words. They'll be showing this grainy tape at the beginning of his Best of Collection.

Jeremy Tucker: Does...does he only have one eyebrow and one side of his mustache?

Andrew Fulton: Mmm? Oh that? That was infamous locker room bully Rally Jackson using his power as SWAT International Champion to take advantage of a young rookie. Basically poisoned him with somas he slipped in his tea, and then butchered the poor kid to humiliate him. Just no place for that in our business.

Frank Salazar "His opponent is from Mumbai, India; Standing 5 feet 11 inches tall, and weighing 219 pounds...MOHAMMAD KHAN!!!"

(Mohammad Khan does a Bollywood pose as the American Airlines Center boos. Referee Tommy Milligan signals for the bell as Frank Salazar leaves the ring)

Jeremy Tucker: Mohammad Khan and Brien O.Thomas lock up, and O'Thomas immediately does a go behind.

Andrew Fulton: O. Thomas holding Khan now in this reverse waistlock. He clamps his hands together, putting pressure on his waist.

(A fan shouts out "Boring!" O. Thomas tries to lift Khan up into a german, but Khan shifts his weight and blocks it. Khan lands on his feet, and O. Thomas then maneuvers Khan to the corner)

Jeremy Tucker: Khan now grabbing the ropes and so Tommy Mulligan forces the break.

Andrew Fulton: O. Thomas obliges, but Khan tomahawk chops him on the top of the head as the ref is in between them. Veteran maneuver there!

Jeremy Tucker: You mean cheating.

Andrew Fulton: I said what I said.

(Mohammad Khan applies a claw. Thomas cries out in pain, but tries to fight it off. Khan presses his thumb into O. Thomas' temple until Brien is down on one knee)

Jeremy Tucker: Mohammad Khan inflicting some torture with that claw, wearing down the bigger Norweigen.

Andrew Fulton: I told ya, the fuzzy tape at the beginning of his retrospective. Why, we'll be laughing at how stupid your hair was back then and how I don't have a tracheotomy. (lights up cigarette)

(More fans start chanting "Boring!" Brien O. Thomas does a drop toe hold into a heel hook that gets a smattering of applause)

Andrew Fulton: O' Thomas now twisting Khan's foot from side to side, trying to tear some tendons in the ankle.

Jeremy Tucker: Tommy Milligan checking in to see if Mohammad Khan wants yto give it up.

(Now the entire United Airlines Center is chanting "BO-RING!!! BO-RING!!! BO-RING!!!" Brien O. Thomas leans back to increase pressure on Mohammad Khan's knee and thigh)

Andrew Fulton: I don't know what's wrong with these bloody rednecks, this is a mat classic.

Jeremy Tucker: Mohammad Khan kicks Brien O. Thomas away until he can escape the heel hook. He gets to his feet and begins stomping O. Thomas.

(Mohammad Khan runs and jumps onto the middle of the second rope, but his foot slips off and he falls awkwardly getting an "OH!!" from the crowd)

Jeremy Tucker: Mohammad Khan going for a springboard of some sort but slipped off and landed badly on the back of his head there. He might be out.

Andrew Fulton: It's all that body oil Brien O. Thomas is wearing. It got on the blasted ropes! Khan deserves to win by disqualification.

Jeremy Tucker: Brien O. Thomas pulls him up by the hair, and backs him into the ropes.

Andrew Fulton: Mohammad Khan hits him with a blistering chop.

(The fans start chanting "THIS MATCH SUCKS! THIS MATCH SUCKS! THIS MATCH SUCKS!" Khan knocks O. Thomas to the mat with a thudding discus clothesline)

Andrew Fulton: I say, it sounds like the party got started a bit early here in Texas.

Jeremy Tucker: Mohammad Khan pulls Thomas to his feet and lifts him up and drops him in an inverted atomic drop.

(The chants of "THIS MATCH SUCKS! THIS MATCH SUCKS! THIS MATCH SUCKS!" are now deafening! Suddenly 110% Syberus, "Heat Magnet" Jonnie Valentine, and "The Golden God" Rally Jackson run down to the ring. Valentine and Syberus have on cowboy boots, cowboy hat, with a red handkerchief tied around their necks)

Andrew Fulton: It's The Society of the New Breed and they're here to kill Mohammad Khan!

Jeremy Tucker: Rally Jackson hits the ring first and both of them look like they've seen a ghost!

(Khan and O. Thomas both start touching the hair they've lost, and then start swearing revenge at Rally Jackson)

Andrew Fulton: Yeah, Mohammad show that hilarious/cruel bully what you get for messing with you!

Jeremy Tucker: Both men stalking Rally, but The Stylistics slide into the ring behind them and double dropkick both Khan and O. Thomas!!

(The Dallas crowd roars! "Heat Magnet" Jonnie Valentine powerbombs Mohammad Khan so hard that he sits back up into a shining wizard knee shot!! The audience lets out a collective "OH!!")

Jeremy Tucker: Rally Jackson hits Brien O. Thomas with a Rio Special koppo kick!!

(Rally Jackson demands the microphone from Frank Salazar. Salazar hands him the house mic)

"The Golden God" Rally Jackson: "That's for being a Norwegian with an Irish name!"

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie Valentine now atomic drops Mohammad Khan on the top turnbuckle, facing the audience. He climbs up to the second turnbuckle behind Khan and inverted huracanranas him into an awaiting diamond cutter by Syberus!!

(The audience lets out another "OH!!" as the ring shakes. The cheers get rowdy as Rally Jackson places the house microphone in Jonnie Valentine's outstretched hand)

"Heat Magnet" Jonnie Valentine: (singing) "The stars at night, are big and bright!"

(The Dallas fans clap three times and sing "DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS!")

"Heat Magnet" Jonnie Valentine: "(to Rally) That always works. (to the fans) Howdy!"

(The Texas crowd hoots and hollers at Jonnie and Syberus dressed as cowboys)

Jonnie Valentine: "Come on, now Dallas, I know you can do better than that. I said howdy!"

(The United Airlines Center gets louder with their hooting and cheering)

Jonnie Valentine: "Now the three of us were standing in the back watching this garbage and we couldn't stand another minute of it. It's not what you deserve to see and it's not what you paid good money to see. So we decided to make their time, our time, if that was OK with you?"

(The fans cheer in agreement)

Jonnie Valentine: "Now everyone knows there is anything more Texas than The Stylistics, am I right ? Introducing first, from Manchester, Texas, 110% Syberus!"

110% Syberus: "Right you are."

Jonnie Valentine: "Tell them what you did last night."

110% Syberus: (quite impressed with himself) "I got a steak."

Jonnie Valentine: "Ow!! Nothing more Texas than that! And tell em what you did with that steak??"

110% Syberus: (speaking into the microphone) "I had a small portion and took the rest home to have in small increments for the rest of the week!"

Jonnie Valentine: "Wowzer! You hear that? That is very, very Texas. But you know we're not just about cowboy hats, kicky bandannas, and small steak increments. We're fighting for a cause."

110% Syberus: "That's right. Let me hear you. (chanting) 'U S of A!' 'U S of A! U S of A!'"

(Small, confused pockets of fans start chanting "U S of A! U S of A! U S of A!" Jonnie quiets them down)

Jonnie Valentine: "Sure. That too. But mostly we're hear to honor the victims of the 1947 Galveston Oil Refinery Explosion."

110% Syberus: "Hmm? Oh. Yes. 503 souls were lost that day."

Jonnie Valentine: "And to commemorate the 63rd anniversary of that tragic occasion, we will have the great grandson of one of the victims, Buford Keene, in our corner tonight for this Texas Death match against The Brothers of Obesity. Please welcome, Josh Keene!"

(The crowd cheers and Josh Keene steps over the railing, waving to the crowd)

Security: WE GOT A JUMPER!!

(United Airlines Security swarms Josh Keene, punching and trying to tackle him to the ground)

Jonnie Valentine: "No guys, he's ok! Guys? Guys? He's fine. He's OK."

(Security nods and pulls Josh up, dusting him off. Josh gingerly climbs into the ring)

110% Syberus: "Josh. I have to ask you. How much do you miss your great grandfather, who was taken away from you on that...presumably humid and oppressive day in 1947?"

Josh Keene: "Um...honestly, I was born in 2001, so...I can't say alot, but..."

Jonnie Valentine: "Of course. You were robbed of great-grandfather. Something no one should ever be forced to live through. But because of those dear people like your great-grandfather Buford...

(The Dallas crowd interrupts The Stylistics with a chant of "THANK YOU BUFORD!
THANK YOU BUFORD! THANK YOU BUFORD!" Jonnie puts his hand over the mic and becomes overcome with emotion)

Jeremy Tucker: Very powerful emotion here in Dallas tonight. You can see many women, children, even some of the men are crying. The Stylistics healing a wound that has long gone unattended to. This state needed this. Maybe now, they can get onto the path of recovery.

110% Syberus: "Yes, thank you, Buford. And thank you, Josh. With you in our corner, we cannot lose. Mostly because we're The Anzac Cup Champions and Eddie & Trent didn't even get close. Mostly because Eddie couldn't beat Timeless, and Trent has held the World title since April and defended it all of once...to Goth. But you Josh, you'll...do something I'm just sure of it."

Jonnie Valentine: "'Dr. Run-In' Eddie Spaghetti just can't help himself. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride. He can't get into the title picture so he has to fantasy book. Eddie wanted Trent to be SWAT World Champion, Rally here to be SWAT International title, but is he truly happy? Does it always make him wind up at the same place? A dimly lit Arby's near the overpass, eating his own weight in beef & cheddars?"

110% Syberus: "Again, we don't blame, Trent. He doesn't know any better. He's just another in a long line of upset kids that turned out to be shitty champs. Eddie's booking, like his theme music, is ill advised."

Jonnie Valentine: "Trent is a hopeless patsy. Like one of those Russian dogs they sent out to space, knowing full well, they wouldn't be making it home alive. Eddie tee'd Mr Waffle Cones up for the beating Eddie knew he couldn't handle, hoping his baseball bat would make up for his total lack of wrestling ability."

b]110% Syberus:[/b] "We won the Anzac Cup because we're far and away the best thing this sport has right now, when it needs it most. We beat you two round two, and you guys shouldn't have even made it that far. Dear Buford's got better odds. "Can I get an A-MEN?!"

(The crowd roar out a huge "A-MEN!" followed by a chorus of air horn honks.)

110% Syberus: Big Fat Eddie put his Big Fat Face in mine and Rally's match last time around because he needs to smush his stupid face into the spotlights that never shine for him. What better way than to get involved in a title match between two legends of wrestling? And you know what else? He hates America.

(Jonnie winces, the crowd are outraged and descend into boo's, whistles, and pocketed chants of "Eddie Sucks!" and "U S of A!")

110% Syberus: "U S of A! U S of A!"

(Jonnie has to calm everyone down again, Syberus grins and pops a matchstick in his mouth and starts chewing it and tips his hat to the crowd repeatedly mouthing "ma'am" to no one in particular)

Jonnie Valentine: "Now, now... we don't wanna cause any trouble round these here parts. The Anzac Cup Winning Stylistics aren't about that. What The Anzac Cup Winning Stylistics are about is Texas Death Matches. And ho downs....Rally?"

(Rally Jackson starts clapping, and Jonnie and Syberus start moving their feet in a quick little cowboy dance as the crowd cheers. They jump and click their heels to finish it off)

110% Syberus: "But back to Texas Death matches. We get to knock you two fat cheap beer receptacles on your asses, counting the lights as the referee counts higher than either of you could."

Jonnie Valentine: "Then after they get an industrial crane to pick you two up, and you get the delousing that you have written in to your contracts, Trent will be free to go back to putting the title on the line once every three months. Eddie can run in on every match on the show to try and quiet the deafening voice in his head for more attention, and The Society of the New Breed can go back to being the best thing that ever happened to SWAT, the best thing that ever happened to wrestling, and the best thing that ever happened to Texas. Can I get a yeehaw?"

(The crowd lets out a loud "Yeehaw!!" and then a huge pop. Rally Jackson, Syberus, and Jonnie Valentine step through the ropes and slap the fans hands as they walk to the back)

Andrew Fulton: What in bloody hell was that?

Jeremy Tucker: The Stylistics saving these fans and the audience at home from bad wrestling. It's what The Society of the New Breed was formed to do. Plus they brought attention to an industrial accident in the 40s.

Andrew Fulton: They weren't protecting me from anything, I was enjoying that!

Jeremy Tucker: What was your favorite part?

Andrew Fulton: The claw. Don't see claws much these days.

Jeremy Tucker: The Brothers of Anarchy vs. The Stylistics in a texas death match later tonight! [/b]

[Blackstone]

Chapter 1: Mr. Jameson.

Uriel Jameson was not the kind of man anyone wanted to cross. He practically ran the island of Oahu. He had night clubs scattered throughout the island. None of them were fully legal. He sold drugs out of them. He sold women out of them. He had people killed out of them.

Now, he wasn't exactly a big man. He stood only around five feet tall, but he was powerful and mean. He ruled his underlings with an iron fist and had to qualms about burying anyone who he felt even looked at him the wrong.

He was Sam's friend Ray's dealer. He was also the man Ray would call when he needed something cleaned up. Since Sam had used his services, that meant that Sam owed him now. And when anyone owed Uriel Jameson anything, he owned them.

Samuel Blackstone sat on his old, broken couch, watching a UFC fight through his window and into his neighbors house. He didn't know who was fighting, but he cheered anyway. In front of him on the table was a white powdery residue. Sam's eyes were glazed over and he was seemingly lost in a trance.

“Fuck this is some good Shit.” He said to himself.

He'd spent all of his SWAT earnings on his vice, refusing to buy himself food. He was losing the battle of addiction and it was clear. His face was sunken in a bit. And he'd seemed to have lost a But of weight since the last show.

There was a knock on the door. He didn't answer. There was another knock, this time louder.

“The fuck is that noise?” Sam said out loud.

It wasn't until the door was kicked in that Sam finally realized what the sound was. Two large men dressed in black, well tailored suits walked through the door. They didn't look happy. Sam couldn't care less.

“When Mr. Jameson calls, you answer. Got it?” The first through the door said.

Sam shrugged his shoulders and laughed. He had no idea who a Mr. Jameson was.

“You two look like a couple of fuckin goobers. You know that? Bustin in here tellin me to answer my phone. Bitch I don't even have a fuckin phone.” Sam said before leaning down to the table to lick some of the white residue from it.

“Woooooo weeeee!” Sam screamed as he lifted his head up. “I can't feel my teeth!” He added.

The two large men shook their heads. They were there to beat him up but didn't think it would do any good.

“Y'all look like some pimps. Y'all bring some of that good hooker tacos for me? This shit makes me hungry for some of that slimy wet.” Sam laughed before tilting his head back.

“No. Mr. Jameson sent us. He's been calling. You owe him for that little mess we had to clean up a few weeks ago.” The second man said as he took off his dark sunglasses.

“Who the fuck is Mr. Johnson?” Sam asked.

“Mr. Jameson.” The two men corrected.

“Mrs. Johnston?” Sam asked.

The two gentlemen were beginning to get a bit angry.

“Mr. Jameson. It'd do you Well to remember his name. Your health depends on it.”.

Sam shook his head. “Never heard of her. She sexy? I could use a good dick sucking from a hot rich bitch.” Sam laughed as he adjusted himself. “Its been three hours. Go on and get her. I'll get the big guy out so she doesn't waste any time.” Sam added.

Sam picked up the cell phone which had been recording the whole thing.

“Y'all ready to see this hottie? Mrs. Jackson been lookin for me. I guess she wants the anaconda. Not sure why she'd send these two clowns in here first.” He said with a large smile.

The two gentlemen looked at each other. Both sighed. They were going to need to take things to a point they'd hoped not to go to. The larger one took out a pair of shiny brass knuckles from his pocket. Sam's lights went out soon after.

Chapter 2: Ernie Cumstain

“ Oh yea. Who won? That's right. Me. The hottest fucking thing going in SWET today. I told y'all didn't I? I ain't no liar. I practically {No Means No} that dude. I'm a baaaaaaaad guy! So who's next? Some bum with a chip on his shoulders? Probably. It's prolly some cat who thinks he's the next big time champ but has the talent of a big time chump. Y'all know the kind. Dudes completely fucking worthless but thinks he's the bestest evar. Looks like that's it. Some dude named Elroy Cumstain or some shit. Dude talks Chinese or something. I can only imagine what went through his head when he saw he'd be up against the baddest motherfucker on the planet. It probably went something like this. “ I'm facing Samuel Fucking Blackstone?!” Cause y'all know chumps gotta call me by my full name. “ Lord God and seven pound eight ounce baby Jesus. I pray to you right now. Please don't let Samuel Blackstone slap
Me with his gigantic dick like he did that dirty Italian cab driver guy! He still has the imprint of that dudes dick on his face!” Yea. It prolly went something like that. I don't talk Chinese or pay any attention to what random {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore} say.

Hey Ernie cumquat. I know you're watching this. I know your little talker guy is gonna tell you some bullshit like he always does. I don't talk that ching chong gibberish or any of that shit. But I just wanna say that I'm gonna enjoy turning your head into a fucking pinniata. Gonna make that fucking thing pop like a god damn water balloon. I'm sure you're gonna huff and puff and try to blow me down, but let's face it. You're a bitch in a man's world. Your dumbass has no place in it. This shit is for tough motherfuckers like me. It ain't for prissy little cum stains who should have been swallowed like yourself. Seriously. Why didn't your dear sweet momma just swallow you and get that shit over with. I mean...Look at you. I have no idea what you look like but it's gotta be a cross between a worn out snatch and a fucking abortion.

I'm the next world champ, y'all. You better believe that shit. It's real damn sad that a fat piece of shit like Tristan Johnson is walking around with that strap. The guy can barely move. But he probably moves around a lot better that Eustace Carney here. Dude don't even speak English. He can't be that damn smart. Everybody knows English is the way to go and you a damn idiot if you can't speak it. This dude so damn worthless he needs somebody else to speak for him. Fuck dude. I get high as fuck before matches and I can still walk, talk, fuck, do more drugs, and beat the Holy he'll out of clowns like you. While you're bumbling around like a fucking idiot with your mouth price, I'm actually {No Means No} motherfucker. It's a dominance thing really. It's me putting you in your place..Showing you that I'm above you in every. Fucking. Way.

It's laughable that a guy like you would even be confident. I mean. I'm Samuel Blackstone. I'm basically a fucking serial killer in there. You? Dude you're like Barney Fife with his bullet. Only the bullet is your talent and it's nowhere to be found. This next show is gonna be a reckoning for you. Hole you're ready. Wait. No I don't. I'm a piece of shit and I'm ok with that.”

Chapter 3: the day of reckoning.

When Sam woke up, he was strapped to a chair. At first thought, he figured he'd passed out and some kinky bitch with that good wet wet had tied him up. Then he saw those same two guys in that had kicked down his door. His second thought was the same only he thought the Fed brought him that kinky bitch with that good wet wet.

“Where she at? You tell her I'm ready. GET IN HERE MS JACOBSON!” he yelled with a laugh.

There was a long sigh.

“You're about as sharp as a butter knife aren't you?” One of the guys asked.

Sam could only shrug.

“Not sure what you mean but get that bitch in here.” He said.

“Who you calling a bitch?”

The voice was deep and menacing. It sounded as if someone were possessed by a demon.

Uriel Jameson walked through the door. He worked a white suit. A cigar hang down from the frowning mouth of the bald headed man. Sam was confused.

“How many pimps this chick got?” Sam asked. “Hey where's MS. Jenner? Them fuckers right there said this hooker name MS. Jaco wanted some good dick.” He added.

Uriel looked at his two underlings like he wanted them dead.

“What's this guy talking about?” He asked.

There was a shrug.

“Not a clue boss. This dude is stoned out of his mind.” The underling said.

Uriel didn't like that answer. He ashed the cigar on the concrete floor of the basement like room.

“Do you know who I am?” Uriel asked Sam.

Sam shrugged his shoulders.

“The father of some skanky slut I knocked up?” Sam answered. “A Christmas elf? I,didn't know y'all were real!” He added.

“My name is Uriel Jameson. I run this island. You owe me, Sam. And when you owe me, I own you.” Uriel stated flatly.

“So you want me to help you make Christmas gifts?” Sam asked.

If looks could kill, Sam would have died right there.

“Yea. Something like that. Listen. There's a guy at the docks. His name is Thomas Bates. He owes me money and ain't paying. I want him gone, you understand?” Uriel said.

Sam looked at him for a moment. His high was wearing off and he didn't like it.

“So you want me to...Oh! Yea sure. No big deal. You know...youre mean as hell for a midget.” Sam laughed.

Uriel had started to walk away but stopped.

“You know...I would have killed you myself right now if I knew you weren't a completely {Mongo Edit: Nah we don't say that anymore} fuck. But I'm not sure. I'll keep you alive until I don't need you anymore.” Uriel told Sam before walking away.

Sam stared at the guys who had to have brought him there.

“Y'all could have told me Mrs Jack was a bull lesbian. That bitch is uuuuugggly.” He said.

His lights went out once more.

Chapter 4: Ernie Cumstain PT 2

“ I'd apologize if I wasn't such a piece of shit. I really would. Nobody deserves to be talked about like I've talked about you. Nobody deserves to be called names. Nobody deserves the disrespect. But you see. I AM a piece of shit. So I just don't care. Do I know anything about you, Ellie? No. Do I want to know anything about you? That's a big ole hell no. Am I gonna shove both my feet up your poop shoot? That one is a big ole hell yes! It's just what I do. You get beat up. I stomp people's teeth down their throats. That's the way of the world my friend. That's just how shit is. Sorry not sorry! Call it the circle of life. Guys like you who don't mean shit to the world are only here so guys like me look good. I run through you like you ain't even there. Then fans by my shit. I get more money. I get more so any hoes in my bed. That's how it works, Ellie. That's your place in all this. It's time for you to sit down in front of a mirror and repeat after me. “I am a worthless human being. I am ok with being a worthless human being. Please just don't let Sam bounce his nuts off my chin. I'd kill myself if that were to happen.”. Do that. I promise you that you'll feel better. I can't promise you that I won't bounce my nutsack off your chin though. That's a spur of the moment kind of thing. I won't apologize for that either. Why should I? Fuck you, right?

See you at the show. Be sure to bring your brown pants. I don't want anybody to know you shat your pants due to having to face the bad guy. Wait. Scratch that. I totally want everyone to know you did it. That'd be hilarious. Almost as hilarious as anybody being pinned by that Alberta Caffery chick or that Travis Jones guy...fat bastard he is.

Anyway. Fuck you, ok?