Post by Steve Awesome on Jun 18, 2020 14:56:19 GMT -5
It’s late. Your eyes are heavy. You dont even know why you are about to watch this next video. But you can't skip the ad. Its a Steve Awesome Movie Trailer!
Movie Voice Over Guy: “Jack Globen was your basic average guy.”
Jack Globen, being played by Steve Awesome is a timid and nervous man, with a clean shaven face and dressed in untrendy ripped clothing. Jack stands in the doorway of his unfurnished apartment while his old landlord presses him for money.
Landlord: “You are two months behind on rent Globen!”
The old landlord said, drilling his finger into Jack's chest.
Jack Globen: I-I know. Times have b-been rough Mr. Ogilvy. I-I-I’m having trouble getting the money.
A timid and nervous Jack replies. Trying his best not to completely crumble under the pressure. The landlord gets in Jack's face and glares him down.
Landlord: If I don’t have the last two months rent and THIS month's rent on my desk in five days, you are out on your ass, Globen.
Jack Globen: Y-Yes sir.
The landlord slams Jack's door in his face.
Jack is standing in line in Starbucks dressed in some lame plaid design business attire from Kohl’s. He finally gets into the front of the line and a sexy and beautiful Latin barista is at the counter. She wore a lot of makeup and wore fancy clothes.
Jack Globen: Hi, Carmen.
He chuckles nervously to himself, he already starts to blush as she looks at him.
Carmen: Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?
Jack took a deep breath.
Jack Globen: Okay here it goes. Carmen, I’ve been getting to know you more and more as I’ve been coming to this Starbucks and well, I was hoping you’d be my girlfriend.
Jack pours his heart out and Carmen just stares at him in confusion. Carmen just twirls her curls in her fingers and half smiling.
Carmen: Um...who are you?
Jack Globen: Um….its uhhh...it’s me Jack…
Jack explains, while struggling not to break down in tears.
Jack Globen: We talk every morning…
Carmen: Oh right, right. Look, I don’t date co-workers, so goodbye…”
She smiles and walks off to tend to the next customer in line.
Jack Globen: But I don’t work here…
Lucy: So how was your morning Jack?
Lucy shared a cubicle with Jack at the office. Jack doesn’t notice Lucy smiling at him and biting her lip as she looks at him.
Jack Globen: It was terrible Luce, Carmen doesn’t even know who I am. I struck out again.”
His shoulders slump and he slaps his computer mouse in frustration. Lucy notices how hurt Jack was and she musters up some courage.
Lucy: Well maybe you and I could go out some-
Just then the boss, Mr. Furlap, pokes his head into the cubicle.
Mr. Furlap: Hey Globen, can I see you in my office?
Furlaps office is way bigger then it needs to be. Has a giant stuffed statue of a polar bear in it.
Mr. Furlap: Say Pal...I’ve been noticing you haven’t been making many sales. I’m going to need you to start making some sales.
Inside the bosses office, Jack nervously starts nodding his head desperately trying to agree with the boss at all times. He’s already sweating profusely.
Jack Globen: Yes sir. I-I-know sir. I’ll try harder sir.
Mr. Furlap: Good thing, because if you don’t start making sales, I’m gonna have to fire your ass!”
Mr. Furlap notices how bad Jack is sweating.
Mr. Furlap: And wipe down that chair on your way out.
Jack Globen: Yes sir.
Movie Voice Over Guy: “Until one day, his whole life changed.”
Jack is driving down the street and he spots a shady warehouse with a sign that says “big $$$ for science experiment”
Jack Globen: Well...I guess I can’t do much worse in life.
He sets his “so you want to be a prostitute” pamphlet down into the passenger seat. He quickly turns into the empty parking lot as it starts to rain.
Jack is in one of those backless hospital gowns. He is being handed an unlabeled squeeze tube by two men dressed in lab coats. They both have long luxurious beards down to their waist.
Scientist 1: It’s a special beard growing ointment.
Scientist 2: It’s for your face.
Scientist 1: Just squeeze some of this ointment and all your beard troubles will be gone.
Scientist 2: It’s for your face.
Jack Globen: Of course. Where else on your body could you grow a beard?
Scientist 2 looks visibly annoyed.
Scientist 2: I don't like this guy's attitude.
The first scientist slaps some money into Jacks chest and shove him toward the door.
The next morning the landlord is banging on Jack's apartment door. Jack is hurrying through the house trying to get to the door.
Landlord: I changed my mind Globen!!
He bangs on the door.
Landlord: I want my money TODA-
Jack finally opens the door and the landlord is absolutely stunned.
Landlord: saaayyyyy, that’s a great looking beard, Globen.
Jack Globen: Huh?
He glanced at the mirror near his door, and sure enough there was a small beard fully grown on his face.
Landlord: look, if you need more time to get your rent money together, I understand. Just you know, get it to me when you got it, friend.
The landlord smiles and shakes Jack's hand. The landlord takes a few more moments to admire the impressive beard and Jack has no idea what's happening.
Jack gets to the front of the line at Starbucks. Where Carmen was staring at her phone.
Jack Globen: *sigh* Can I get one coffee with-
Carmen: Ohh. I like your beard! Jack right?
Carmen reached out to run her fingers through his now medium length beard.
Jack Globen: You remembered who I was.
Jack was stunned by the idea as Carmen nodded. She then reached forward and started to make out with him passionately. After she was done Jack felt something weird in his mouth and reached in and pulled out a small folded piece of paper with Carmen’s number on it.
Carmen: Call me some time, sexy.
Jack Globen: What!? You’ll buy?
Jack is on the phone at work. He listens to the customer on the phone in amazement.
Customer: I can tell over the phone that you have a very good beard. So I will buy a hundred thousand dollars worth of product!
Jack turns and looks at his beard in the window and its now hanging low enough to tough his chest. His jaw drops.
Movie Voice Over Guy: “But did it change his life in a good way? Or a bad way?”
Lucy: Jack, ever since you grew that beard you’ve become a huge asshole!
You hear Lucy’s voice over a montage of Jack and Carmen speeding down the road in a drop top convertible, laughing and counting money. They don’t even notice splashing a bunch of mud on a homeless guy. You can see that Jack's lavish bearded lifestyle has turned him into a bad person.
Lucy: You need to stop going to that science lab.
Jack is combing his luscious giant beard in a mirror inside his new giant mansion when he suddenly stops and glares to the side.
Jack Globen: How do you know about the science lab!? Lucy, have you been following me!?”
Lucy tries to act innocent but she can’t hide the stubble and the patches of beard she keeps trying to shave off.
Lucy: I’m worried about you Jack! You're addicted to the beard, Jack.
Jack Globen: I’m not addicted, I can shave it any time I want!
He barges past Lucy toward the door.
Jack is in the mirror holding a beard trimmer in his right hand. He is breathing heavy and he looks nervous but he knows what he has to do.
Jack Globen: So long sweet beard...You’ve served me well.
The beard trimmer buzzed as he slowly brought it toward his face. Just before the trimmer touched a single beard hair, his left hand snapped to life and gripped his right hand around the wrist, stopping the trimmer.
“Jack Globen”: You can’t shave me Jack. I gave you everything!
Jack seemed to say, except his voice was course and jagged. His reflection sneered back at him in the mirror. The real Jack stared on in horror.
Jack Globen: W-w-what!?
The left hand forced the right hand and the trimmer away from the face and the beard. The right hand dropped the trimmer and then the left hand punched himself right in the face! Jack staggers backward against the wall and knocks down a hand towel. Jack Globen slowly looks up, glaring ominously with a sadistic look on his face.
“Jack Globen”: That’s right Jack, I’m your beard. And I’m taking over!
Jack gasps in fear.
“Jack Globen”: Its my face now!
“NOVEM-BEARDS”
Starring Steve “Awesome” Bates
Coming soon to a theater near you.
Jack Globen is running through a large warehouse and he ducks behind a bunch of large crates. Whoever, or whatever he was running from, whisk past him without noticing him. That's when you can see that Jack has managed to shave only the right half of his beard. Leaving the left side of his evil beard to be weakened and at low power. But suddenly he still heard evil laughing. Jack looked around in confusion until he realized where the laughter came from. He unbuttoned his pants and looked inside in utter horror.
“You thought you could run forever? Muahh Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I’m in charge now.”
Jack Globen: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
“DECEM-PUBES”
Starring Steve “Awesome” Bates
Coming Soon to a theatre near you.
Movie Voice Over Guy: “Jack Globen was your basic average guy.”
Jack Globen, being played by Steve Awesome is a timid and nervous man, with a clean shaven face and dressed in untrendy ripped clothing. Jack stands in the doorway of his unfurnished apartment while his old landlord presses him for money.
Landlord: “You are two months behind on rent Globen!”
The old landlord said, drilling his finger into Jack's chest.
Jack Globen: I-I know. Times have b-been rough Mr. Ogilvy. I-I-I’m having trouble getting the money.
A timid and nervous Jack replies. Trying his best not to completely crumble under the pressure. The landlord gets in Jack's face and glares him down.
Landlord: If I don’t have the last two months rent and THIS month's rent on my desk in five days, you are out on your ass, Globen.
Jack Globen: Y-Yes sir.
The landlord slams Jack's door in his face.
Jack is standing in line in Starbucks dressed in some lame plaid design business attire from Kohl’s. He finally gets into the front of the line and a sexy and beautiful Latin barista is at the counter. She wore a lot of makeup and wore fancy clothes.
Jack Globen: Hi, Carmen.
He chuckles nervously to himself, he already starts to blush as she looks at him.
Carmen: Welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?
Jack took a deep breath.
Jack Globen: Okay here it goes. Carmen, I’ve been getting to know you more and more as I’ve been coming to this Starbucks and well, I was hoping you’d be my girlfriend.
Jack pours his heart out and Carmen just stares at him in confusion. Carmen just twirls her curls in her fingers and half smiling.
Carmen: Um...who are you?
Jack Globen: Um….its uhhh...it’s me Jack…
Jack explains, while struggling not to break down in tears.
Jack Globen: We talk every morning…
Carmen: Oh right, right. Look, I don’t date co-workers, so goodbye…”
She smiles and walks off to tend to the next customer in line.
Jack Globen: But I don’t work here…
Lucy: So how was your morning Jack?
Lucy shared a cubicle with Jack at the office. Jack doesn’t notice Lucy smiling at him and biting her lip as she looks at him.
Jack Globen: It was terrible Luce, Carmen doesn’t even know who I am. I struck out again.”
His shoulders slump and he slaps his computer mouse in frustration. Lucy notices how hurt Jack was and she musters up some courage.
Lucy: Well maybe you and I could go out some-
Just then the boss, Mr. Furlap, pokes his head into the cubicle.
Mr. Furlap: Hey Globen, can I see you in my office?
Furlaps office is way bigger then it needs to be. Has a giant stuffed statue of a polar bear in it.
Mr. Furlap: Say Pal...I’ve been noticing you haven’t been making many sales. I’m going to need you to start making some sales.
Inside the bosses office, Jack nervously starts nodding his head desperately trying to agree with the boss at all times. He’s already sweating profusely.
Jack Globen: Yes sir. I-I-know sir. I’ll try harder sir.
Mr. Furlap: Good thing, because if you don’t start making sales, I’m gonna have to fire your ass!”
Mr. Furlap notices how bad Jack is sweating.
Mr. Furlap: And wipe down that chair on your way out.
Jack Globen: Yes sir.
Movie Voice Over Guy: “Until one day, his whole life changed.”
Jack is driving down the street and he spots a shady warehouse with a sign that says “big $$$ for science experiment”
Jack Globen: Well...I guess I can’t do much worse in life.
He sets his “so you want to be a prostitute” pamphlet down into the passenger seat. He quickly turns into the empty parking lot as it starts to rain.
Jack is in one of those backless hospital gowns. He is being handed an unlabeled squeeze tube by two men dressed in lab coats. They both have long luxurious beards down to their waist.
Scientist 1: It’s a special beard growing ointment.
Scientist 2: It’s for your face.
Scientist 1: Just squeeze some of this ointment and all your beard troubles will be gone.
Scientist 2: It’s for your face.
Jack Globen: Of course. Where else on your body could you grow a beard?
Scientist 2 looks visibly annoyed.
Scientist 2: I don't like this guy's attitude.
The first scientist slaps some money into Jacks chest and shove him toward the door.
The next morning the landlord is banging on Jack's apartment door. Jack is hurrying through the house trying to get to the door.
Landlord: I changed my mind Globen!!
He bangs on the door.
Landlord: I want my money TODA-
Jack finally opens the door and the landlord is absolutely stunned.
Landlord: saaayyyyy, that’s a great looking beard, Globen.
Jack Globen: Huh?
He glanced at the mirror near his door, and sure enough there was a small beard fully grown on his face.
Landlord: look, if you need more time to get your rent money together, I understand. Just you know, get it to me when you got it, friend.
The landlord smiles and shakes Jack's hand. The landlord takes a few more moments to admire the impressive beard and Jack has no idea what's happening.
Jack gets to the front of the line at Starbucks. Where Carmen was staring at her phone.
Jack Globen: *sigh* Can I get one coffee with-
Carmen: Ohh. I like your beard! Jack right?
Carmen reached out to run her fingers through his now medium length beard.
Jack Globen: You remembered who I was.
Jack was stunned by the idea as Carmen nodded. She then reached forward and started to make out with him passionately. After she was done Jack felt something weird in his mouth and reached in and pulled out a small folded piece of paper with Carmen’s number on it.
Carmen: Call me some time, sexy.
Jack Globen: What!? You’ll buy?
Jack is on the phone at work. He listens to the customer on the phone in amazement.
Customer: I can tell over the phone that you have a very good beard. So I will buy a hundred thousand dollars worth of product!
Jack turns and looks at his beard in the window and its now hanging low enough to tough his chest. His jaw drops.
Movie Voice Over Guy: “But did it change his life in a good way? Or a bad way?”
Lucy: Jack, ever since you grew that beard you’ve become a huge asshole!
You hear Lucy’s voice over a montage of Jack and Carmen speeding down the road in a drop top convertible, laughing and counting money. They don’t even notice splashing a bunch of mud on a homeless guy. You can see that Jack's lavish bearded lifestyle has turned him into a bad person.
Lucy: You need to stop going to that science lab.
Jack is combing his luscious giant beard in a mirror inside his new giant mansion when he suddenly stops and glares to the side.
Jack Globen: How do you know about the science lab!? Lucy, have you been following me!?”
Lucy tries to act innocent but she can’t hide the stubble and the patches of beard she keeps trying to shave off.
Lucy: I’m worried about you Jack! You're addicted to the beard, Jack.
Jack Globen: I’m not addicted, I can shave it any time I want!
He barges past Lucy toward the door.
Jack is in the mirror holding a beard trimmer in his right hand. He is breathing heavy and he looks nervous but he knows what he has to do.
Jack Globen: So long sweet beard...You’ve served me well.
The beard trimmer buzzed as he slowly brought it toward his face. Just before the trimmer touched a single beard hair, his left hand snapped to life and gripped his right hand around the wrist, stopping the trimmer.
“Jack Globen”: You can’t shave me Jack. I gave you everything!
Jack seemed to say, except his voice was course and jagged. His reflection sneered back at him in the mirror. The real Jack stared on in horror.
Jack Globen: W-w-what!?
The left hand forced the right hand and the trimmer away from the face and the beard. The right hand dropped the trimmer and then the left hand punched himself right in the face! Jack staggers backward against the wall and knocks down a hand towel. Jack Globen slowly looks up, glaring ominously with a sadistic look on his face.
“Jack Globen”: That’s right Jack, I’m your beard. And I’m taking over!
Jack gasps in fear.
“Jack Globen”: Its my face now!
“NOVEM-BEARDS”
Starring Steve “Awesome” Bates
Coming soon to a theater near you.
Jack Globen is running through a large warehouse and he ducks behind a bunch of large crates. Whoever, or whatever he was running from, whisk past him without noticing him. That's when you can see that Jack has managed to shave only the right half of his beard. Leaving the left side of his evil beard to be weakened and at low power. But suddenly he still heard evil laughing. Jack looked around in confusion until he realized where the laughter came from. He unbuttoned his pants and looked inside in utter horror.
“You thought you could run forever? Muahh Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I’m in charge now.”
Jack Globen: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
“DECEM-PUBES”
Starring Steve “Awesome” Bates
Coming Soon to a theatre near you.