Battleground #29 : Born for Greatness (Show)

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Up next we have match involving the former SWAT World Champion, Suzi Spitz.

Andrew Fulton: Another one of my ladies.

Jeremy Tucker: I am sure you dream about her in your sick and sadistic fantasies that you have about her. Suzi could kick your ass under 30 seconds.

Andrew Fulton: If you like for me to go into detail I can.

Jeremy Tucker: We do not have enough time in this show for that type of stuff, and you should show more respect for a former champion like that.

Andrew Fulton: You could never in your wildest dreams score with anybody like that.

Jeremy Tucker: I wouldn’t want too, I am a happily married man. And you really believe you could? Do not answer that by the way.

Andrew Fulton: Happily? I have met your wife.

Jeremy Tucker : Yes, we know, she is your sister, and thank fully, she is nothing like you.

Andrew Fulton : Since Suzi’s return she has caused quite a stir.

Jeremy Tucker: I believe anywhere she goes she does that she is certainly a true legend in this business.

Andrew Fulton: Well tonight she will be getting into the ring with a newcomer in one Kristian Bale.

Jeremy Tucker: This young man looks impressive backstage the size of this man, and I have watched tapes on this young man, very impressive, he can move the ring for a guy of his size. I think Suzi might have her worked cut out for her,

[Bad Motherfucker by MGK and Kid Rock blast out..]

Frank Salazar: Coming down the aisle and he weighs in at 325 pounds from Parts Unknown here is The Creator of Chaos, Kristian Babe

[Kristian makes his way down to the ring as pyro is shooting off everywhere as he does not pay the fans any attention as he gets to ringside. ]

Andrew Fulton: I must admit this gentleman is put together, interesting what can he do in that ring?

Frank Salazar: And his opponent weighing in at 135 pounds from New Orleans here is Suzi Spitz!!

[Suzi makes her way onto the ramp as the crowd goes nuts for her. Suzi makes her way down to the ring as she looks right at her opponent with COD by AC/DC plays. She get a to ringside as he jumps up on the ring apron and jumps over the top ropes. She jumps up to the top ropes as she looks out into the crowd and looking back at her opponent, she jumps down as the ref checks both wrestlers gear as he signals for the bell. ]

The bell sounds..

Jeremy Tucker: The two circle each other as Suzi is about to go in for a lockup, but quickly tries to grab the leg of Kristian, but he connects with a hard forearm to the side of her head as Suzi let's go off the grip.

Andrew Fulton: Do not blame Suzi, get the big man off of his feet.

Jeremy Tucker: Once again the two circle each other as they try to lock once again but this time Suzi connects with a dropkick right into the left knee of Bane. She catches him with a standing dropkick knocking Bane back into a near corner she races in and catches him with a clothesline. Bane staggers out of the corner as Suzi springs off the ropes and catches Bane with a missile dropkick. She goes in for a cover.

1

Andrew Fulton: Bane kicks out. Suzi pulls Bane to his feet as she lays in a couple of knife edge chops as the crowd goes nuts every time she lays on in. Suzi lays in a few hard forearm shots to the side of Bane head, as she tries to whip him into the ropes but Bane puts on the brakes as he picks her up and connects with a hard spinebuster.

Jeremy Tucker: He drops down as he lays in some stiff right hands as Suzi is doing her best to cover up. He pulls Suzi to her feet as he knocks her back to the mat with a hard clothesline. He races into the ropes as he climbs up them as he comes off and connects with a perfect moonsault. He goes for the cover.

1

2

Andrew Fulton: Suzi kicks out. I must admit impressive move by Bane there certainly moves around the ring quite well for a man his size.

Jeremy Tucker: Bane pulls Suzi to her feet as he whips her into the ropes he throws her up into the air but Suzi catches his neck on the way back down and spikes him right into the mat with a ddt. Suzi pulls him to his feet as she bounces off the ropes and catches him with a swinging neckbreaker. She goes for the cover.

1

2

Andrew Fulton: Bane kicks out. She kicks Bane on his chest with a couple of kicks as the big man is taking those shots. Suzi reaches down ad she grabs Bane by his neck as he pulls him to his feet as she picks him up and connects with a snap suplex. She goes to the outside as she climbs the top ropes, as she comes flying off and connects with an elbow drop right to his chest as she goes for the cover.

1

2

Jeremy Tucker: Bane kicks out once again. Suzi goes to the mat and slaps on an abdominal stretch while Bane is on the mat pulling back on those ribs. Suzi pounds away on those exposed ribs. Bane gets to his feet as Suzi is laying in several knee strikes to his ribs once again. Suzi tries to whip Bane into the ropes but he puts on the brakes as he catches her with a quick Powerslam.

Andrew Fulton: Nice counter by the big man. He pulls Suzi to her feet as he Irish whips her hard into the far corner, she comes out as he catches her with a high backdrop. He pulls Suzi to her feet as he picks her up as he connects with a backbreaker as he goes for the cover.

1

2

Jeremy Tucker: Suzi kicks out. Bane pulls her to her feet as he lays in a series of hard chops to her chest. He pushes her into the ropes and catches her with a big boot right to her face.

Andrew Fulton: Bane reaches down as he pulls Suzi back to her feet as he whips her back into the ropes as he tries for a clothesline but Suzi ducks as she puts on the brakes as she goes in behind and connects with a release German suplex dropping Bane on the back of his neck.

Jeremy Tucker: Suzi goes for it as she picks up Bane and connects with three straight snap suplexes, as she is showing off her strength. She picks Bane up by his hair as she grabs his leg and hits a suplex right into a bridge.

1

2

Andrew Fulton: Bane just manages to kick out. Suzi gets to her feet as she jumps in the air and comes down with a knee right across his chest. Suzi pulls Bane to his feet as she hooks his arms as she tries for a powerbomb but Bane powers out as he quickly pulls Suzi and places her right onto his shoulders as she connects with the dominator.

Jeremy Tucker: Sheer power from the newcomer, he might have the former champ on the ropes.

Andrew Fulton: Looks back at Suzi on the mat as he races over to the ropes, he climbs the top ropes.

Jeremy Tucker: This could be a rookie mistake should have gone the cover when he had a chance. He launches himself as he is in the air trying to connect with a corkscrew moonsault but as he is about to land it Suzi moves out of the way at the last possible second as he crashes hard into the mat.

Andrew Fulton: Bane somehow manages to drag himself to his feet as Suzi jumps up in the air and catches him with a hurricanrana, as she spikes his head right into the mat. She races into the ropes springs to the ropes and cones crashing down with a split legged moonsault.

Jeremy Tucker: The Oral Victory, she goes for the cover.

1

2

3!!!!!!

Frank Salazar: THE WINNER OF THE MATCH SUZI SPITZ.

Andrew Fulton: A hard fought win for Suzi there as Kristian Bane gave everything he had but the veteran in the end was just too much.

Jeremy Tucker: Solid win for Suzi.

[lunchboxlarry]

Larry’s at it again.

We’re backstage, as usual, and the big man is nervously pacing around the halls. Again. He’s donning his typical all black sweats with his back-to-back, orange ‘L’s over the abdomen. His black hair is greased back. His short beard shines.

“SKIMPY!” Larry shouts while charging toward Skippy McScoops. “HOLD UP! TV TITLE PROMO TIME!”

SWAT’s backstage interviewer turns with trepidation. “Let me gue-”

Skippy’s attempt to predict Larry’s agenda gets cut off. Before he can begrudgingly extend his microphone toward the SWAT star, Larry quickly rips it out like a Blackstone promo.

Lunchbox hops from one foot to the other, then back again, while shaking his head and rolling his shoulders like a kid waiting to get into Disney World.

Skip throws a thumb in the air and Larry suddenly freezes. His eyes open so wide you’d think he saw a ghost. He points toward the camera so hard with his free hand his arm starts shaking.

“Psychotic Goth, how dare you?!” The big guy’s face turns sour. He extends both arms to the side. “You call a guy who wears all black every week, someone who-” Air quotes. “Looks like he’d make fun of a goth?” End air quotes. Que confused face.

“This is 2020!” Larry shakes his head in disappointment. “How dare you assume my prejudice?” A smirk grows out of one side of Larry’s mouth. He winks. “Now go back to your basement, put on your make-up, make your sacrifices to master, and get ready for A KNUCKLE SANDWICH!”

Beat.

“Gloomsday. Lose-it-fer.”

The smirk goes full smile.

“Kirb Immunity and I already revealed what you’re good at.” Reeling like he’s high on something, the big man pauses for suspense. “EATING KNUCKLE SANDWICHES AND LAYING DOWN FOR A THREE COUNT!”

The reckoning.

“Rajiv!” L-BOX tuns sincere. “You seem nice. Buuuuuuuuuut, we all saw you get beat by Blackstone. Aaaaaaand we all know Blackstone’s chances for winning the TV title tonight.”

The finger point returns.

“I will be calling you for a taxi ride home after I celebrate, though!”

Larry puffs his chest out.

“El Combat…” You can see the Boxman trying to figure out how to pronounce the rest of the name. Failing, he pivots. “You ever think it would’ve been cooler to choose a name like…”

Lightbulb.

“Whatever’s spanish for The Fighter?” Larry shrugs. “Nah, that’s dumb.”

Another wink.

“Kirbstomp, you’re cool.” He moves on quickly. “Tuxedo Mask. It says something when the guy carrying his lunchbox from grade school doesn’t know what to think of you. You stay classy during Covid, and ENJOY YOUR KNUCKLE SANDWICH!!”

Back to serious.

“Colin. I have no fucking clue who you are, but you’re getting A KNUCKLE SAMMY, TOO!”

Skippy looks at Larry, pointing to his watch. Larry nods and refocuses.

“Not sure if you guys are good at counting, but I got more knuckles than opponents in this Battle Royal. So be ready! Lunchbox Larry’s about to go all sorts of Subway on your asses!”

[Justin]

“Wait just a goddamned minute.”

Aw, fuck it, here we go.

“I was tryna be nice, I swear I was, and I guess that’s on me. You can’t be nice in a business full of dweebs that think just because they won some regional hardcore bullshit in some fed that eight people on the internet barely give a fuck about that somehow you matter.”

Kirby Jackson, the Charismatic Dragon, has had enough of this bullshit.

“I’m talkin’ to you, Psychotic Goth.”

K-JAX’s eyes roll. Hard.

“How about takin’ the fake vampire teeth out of your mouth so I can understand you when you ramble on aimlessly about bullshit that doesn’t matter in the future, mmkay? And while I’m wasting my time on you, you don’t practice goth, you idiot, goth is a fucking genre. You wanna practice something, practice wicca, or practice the old ways, or practice English as a Second Language, I don’t give a fuck, but figure your shit out before you come at me again, my dude.”

Kirby takes a moment to let that soak in.

“And as for Satan’s Disciples…”

His eyes roll again, further back if that’s even possible.

“You know what, you two marble-mouthed dorks make this shit too easy, I’m not even gonna bother with you two because we all know you’ll more than likely end up eliminating each other because you ain’t got the brains God gave a jellyfish and you start to sweat when the teacher asks you to count past four.”

Kirby smirks.

“And then there’s [censored]. I can’t believe that dude actually tried to go on television and say he was going to [censored] everybody in this match. Seriously. In 2020, amidst everything going on in the world in our business and that idiot said that…”

You guessed it, his eyes roll. Again.

“Whatever, that guy is fucked if he comes at me. I’ll [censored] his [censored] with a big rubber [censored] until his [censored] blows out into a giant prolapsed [censored]. Capiche?”

This time Kirby gives a sarcastic thumbs up.

“And that brings me to my favorite person in this sum’bitch, my tag team partner and personal bee-eff-eff, Lunchbox Larry. Lar-Bear, I know shit’s been weird lately and I know we didn’t win the Anzac like we thought we would and now we’re sitting here at odds in a Battle Royal for the SWAT TV Title, and I know that neither one of us are all that sure what to make of that.”

He pauses, collecting his thoughts.

“Well bud, here’s what I think. I think if anybody in this match deserves to have the rocket strapped onto his back it’s you, and failing that it’s me, so as far as I’m concerned we’ll go out there and do this thing, let the chips fall where they may, and maybe we figure out a way to both win that belt so we can Freebird the thing all over the goddamned place!”

[lunchboxlarry]

“I’ve always loved television, K-jeezy.” You can hear the nerves in Larry’s words. “Y’know? From Sesame Street to Doug to Boy Meets World…”

His friend and tag partner, Kirby Jackson, no-sells every word as the two competitors stand at gorilla. The laser focus from K-JAX does nothing to deter L-BOX.

“Saved by The Bell… Family Matters…” Larry turns monotone, slipping into a self-induced trance. “Full House… The Fresh Prince...”

Kirby breaks. “Lar! You know we’re fighting for a title anytime now, right?” His eyes pierce through Larry’s defenses. “Against each other. For the first time.”

The reality hits Lunchbox Larry like a ton of bricks. The big kid’s head drops.

Kirby continues, “War can change a man, Lar-bear. And we’re going into battle” A deep sigh. “Who knows how we’ll come out.”

The lunchbox carrying lug suddenly springs back to life. He smiles and places a gentle, gigantic hand on Kirby’s shoulder.

“If it comes down to that title and you, K-Martian-” The new nickname raises an eyebrow. “I choose you, buddy. One hundred times out of a hundred!”

Larry balls his other hand into a fist and raises it toward his friend.

Kirby reluctantly pounds it. “Cool.”

The bigger of the two, detecting the doubt, decides to probe.

“Kirb?”

Without turning to look at Larry, K-JAX responds, “Yeah?”

“What about you? Y’know, will you… uh… choose me over the belt, too?” As the words leave Larry’s mouth, he leans forward in order to read his friend’s face.

Except there’s nothing to read. No emotion. Not a single muscle in Jackon’s face moves.

“Sure.”

The response from his typically wordy tag partner is so cold you can see the goosebumps form on Larry’s arm. Lunchbox digests the blow to his feelings, then straightens out. He twists his head until his neck cracks and all his emotion drains like an opened dam.

“Cool.” His tone, and the word he chose, matches the look in his usually electric, blue eyes. Larry slowly begins to nod, as it hits him. Deep down, he knows better, but he can’t help himself. He hesitates, then asks yet again,

“Kirb?”

This time K-JAX merely grunts.

“I know you read the letter.”

And then there was life.

Jackson slowly turns his head to look up at his larger friend. With one eye squinting, and a single raised brow, K-JAX replies,

“You wha-”

Larry interjects, “I’m not always Mr. Cool, Calm, and Collected. Y’know?”

The thought of his tag partner even thinking of himself in such a way makes Kirby smirk.

“I’m not nearly as confident as I act.”

K-JAX begins to shake his head in amused disbelief.

“It’s all an act... “ Larry’s head falls again. “Usually, I’m freaking out inside. And that day… it’s just, we hadn’t lost yet. And I felt like it was all my fault. And I didn’t know how to deal with that.”

A small, Kirby hand lands on Larry’s shoulder.

“Deal with it by dealing out those Knuckle Sammies.”

They pound fists.

[Trent Jones MR Bones.]

After Trent Jones and Eddie D picked up yet another win against valentine and Syb, Trent would have to say good bye for the next week or 2 to Molly. Her divorce was being finalized and she needed to be back home to workout some final details and and sign some paper work. Molly also was going to spend time with her family before coming back to the church and graveyard Trent now owns.

The SWAT World Heavy Weight Champion has had a hell of a good ride. We join the champion as he makes his way home.

Trent Jones is seen riding on his championship bike. His leather graveyard ryders vest is zoomed in as he makes one of the large curves towards his home. Trent was happy to be headed home but he also was wishing Molly was able to make the trip. Trent pulls into the church/graveyard/home and parks his bike.

He picks up his title and picks a couple dead squashed bugs off of the belt. Trent throws the title on his shoulder and walks towards the door. Trent opens the doors and walks in.

To his left where Valentine face painting was is a black cloth. The same is hanging over the spot that was goths. Trent looks around and noticed the church is cleaned up more and new items have been added. The candles are now black.

Trent lights the candle and smiles he sits the belt on the altar and walks to the throne. It’s been replaced and the skull throne that belonged to Duke has replaced it. Trent laughs as he thinks about how he ended Duke for good in the XHF. He sits down on the throne and looks around.

“The world will never have to suffer from a promo or a match from Duke. How fitting that someone has placed his throne in my shrine. I ended Duke and took away all of his pride, dignity and respect the world had for him. But I didn’t bring this up to live in the past. No I won’t live like those people… like Valentine and syb. They hold on to that old glory, they use that to justify the spots they hold on the card. While people Like Eddie D and I should take turns main eventing every show.”

Trent looks over at the candles at the altar and red wax drips down the black candles. Trent noticed a golden challese has been added to the shelf behind him. Where the cross once hung a black skull now hangs. Trent walks towards it and it’s eyes light up red.

“You see you can't talk about SWAT and not talk about Trent Jones Mr. Bones. Why is that? Well it’s simple I have come here and done exactly what I said I would do. I have taken the trash out, Duke, Valentine, Psychotic Goth, Tuxedo Mask… what the fuck does Brothers in Anarchy got to do to get that tag title shot?”

Trent walks back to the skull chair and sits down on it. When two candles light on the wall, one to the left of the first black cloth area and one to the right. Trent sits up and walks towards it.

As he is walking that way his cell phone rings he stops and answers it, “Hey Molly, yeah I just got home a little bit ago. Yeah the place is fine and I am just relaxing. Well of course I have been taking my medicine. Ok baby I will call you later?”

Trent reaches in his pocket after he hangs up the phone and pulls out and empty hand, “well fuck, I must have left them at the arena or they fell out on the road” Trent touches his pocket once more and continues walking towards the wall. He stands before the cloth, and he pulls it down and he jumps back. On the wall it looks to be Valentine’s Face. Trent looks again at it and it looks as if Valentine's face was removed. Trent notices it has a black strap so it would be possible to wear.

“That’s fucking awesome, instead of his picture I now have his face on my wall. But I really have to wonder who did this? Why did they?”

Trent looks and the next black cloth and those two candles light up. Trent makes his way towards it. He pulls off the cloth and Goth's face is on the wall the same way as Valentine. The loose skin mask hangs and Trent smiles.

“This is fucking sweet and I am so excitied to add the next face to the wall. But who did this?”

Trent walks and sits down on the throne. He looks around at the empty church and he looks out.

“So I get to face another loser here in SWAT that I have already defeated but hey He gets a shot at my title so why not do the same and let me and Eddie D get a shot at their tag titles? You see Rally Jackson doesn't belong in a main event. Hell he should be wrestling in the dark matches. But don't worry fans he will soon have his face on the wall of shame. I would love to give this guy some credit but fuck, this guy has no tallent, his promos are just as bad. The end of the road for Rally Jackson is here and this is the end of the road for him. You see he faced me before but never when my belt was on the line. You see when I am in the ring and my belt is on the line I become an even greater wrestler. I destroyed everyone before me and I sit here before you all letting you know I am not dropping this belt. The talk in the back is I am not liked by many of you well, that's great because I don't like any of you.”

The front door opens and a man dressed in all black and a black mask walks in. Trent looks up at him. Trent stands at the altar.

“Who are you?”

The man holds out a black leather covered book and he walks and sits down in the front row. Trent keeps looking at the man then a woman walks in wearing all black with black lace over her face and holds up the same book. She sits in the second row. A really tall man walks in wearing black with his face covered with black bandanas and a large snake around his neck. He sits in the second row but away from the women. Next two men about the same size walk in wearing black and their faces are covered in scars. They look as if they could be twins. They sit in the third row and hold up the book as well. The man with the snake grabs his book as well.

Trent stands up. “Who are you?” no one answers but they hold up their books to Trent. Trent is getting angry, “I said who the fuck are you?” Again they hold up their books Trent gets even angrier. He stands up and slams his fist down. On the altar and scrams out… “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!!!!!” As trent starts to approach them the door opens again and three men walk into the church. These men are dressed in black and wearing face masks that look like skin has been sewn together.

The three men walk and approach the altar. One has a cane with a skull on it. The one with a skull on it taps the altar with it and smiles. The three men turn towards the pews and look at the others and then turn back to Trent Jones.

“Now who the fuck are you?”

The three men with the same mask look at each other and then at the church

“One of US” Says the man with the cane.

Then the others all chant, “One of Us...One of Us… One of Us.”

Trent walks a few steps towards us, “who the fuck is one of us… I want names, why are you in my home?”

As Trent starts to approach them, then one with the cane holds it up. Then flames come from the skull. Trent stops in his tracks. The three men again say “one of us”

*************
Trent lifts his head as he has fallen asleep in the Church section of the home. He looks around and the skin masks are on the wall but the church is empty. There is no sign of anyone being at the church. Trent starts to walk away and notices the cane is sitting on the altar. Trent walks to it and he picks it up. He quickly looks in his pocket for his meds, but again he realizes he lost his meds. He does find his cell phone and it has a bunch of text and voicemails.

Text Messages from Molly

Trent I tried calling you to check in…where are you?

Trent its 11:30pm call me when you get in.

Baby I am worried about you, Do I need to come home?

Trent I have called like 100 times tonight… your phone is showing you are home.

You better not be shacked up with some bar skank!

I am sorry that was rude but I just hope you aren't messing up what we have.

I love you. I am coming home tomorrow.

Trent Looks at all of them and calls Molly without even checking his voicemails.

“What the hell Trent… Look I am packing right now to come home. But I am not happy with you. You know you answered last night and I know you had a party. I even heard females in the background. What the fuck happened last night?”

Trent paused he knew she was angry she wasn’t one to say fuck alot. But he really wasn't sure what to say he doesn't remember much from the night. Hell he had thought it was just a dream. If the cane wasn't lying on the altar this morning he would have believed it was just a dream.

“Look baby last night was just a promo for my Title match, it was nothing. I had a few to many drinks and was messed up but it won't happen again.”

Trent talked her into staying. He needed time to figure this all out and he needed to get his meds back. But he really needed to get ready for this match.

“Well I thought I did tell I realized I was facing the guy who looks like the guy who once played football in high school and then his life went downhill and he put on a full dad body. I legit think he is the guy that has the big black grill going in the dry cleaner parking lot. But hey this is SWAT talent. I am sure he will use all 3 timeouts for both halves of the match. Honestly I am A big guy but I am strong and powerful. I have defeated talent that is twice the talent of you. I am not even sure how you earned this shot? In Fact I wonder why you're not defending your tag titles.”

Trent takes a few steps and stops, “Really you have never defended against a real tag team. Why don't you accept the challenge and tell Management for lack of a better term for the front office. Tell them that you want Brothers In Anarchy and the titles on the line. But we all know you won't do that because that would be the end of your tag title run.”

Trent walks over towards the 3rd place where the face of Rally Jackson. “Rally I can’t wait to add your forever face to the wall. Your face will last forever on the shrine of losers before you.” Trent hears something and walks towards the church's front door.

Trent opens the door and candles are covering the steps. Somewhere around 30 people are standing outside dressed in black with some form of face coverings. They Are chanting “One of Us… ONE OF US…. ONE OF US” Trent looks at them. The people start chanting louder as a horse driven hearse pulls up. The three men step out of the buggy and they walk towards trent.

Trent looks at them, “What the fuck are you all doing here… go away!”

The three men walk even closer to Trent, one walks past Trent. As the other two men stand near Trent and they turn towards the crowd. The one speaks out to them. “Brothers and Sisters please be patient as tonight is the special night we have all waited for. One of Us”

The man with the skull cane makes his way back out as he smiles through his mask. “Behold my brethren tonight is the night we rise… We have found a new home.”

The third man speaks as well. “Please be prepared to give your offerings up, welcome to the Parish.”

****************************************************

Again Trent Jones was awoken he was laying on the altar this time and his chest hurt he looked down and he has been branded. A symbol that looks like the mask the three men were wearing are on him. It looks infected, Trent goes to touch it.

“I wouldn't touch it, let me help you clean it.” A very sexy gothic looking girl walks over and she has a bowl, with water and a clean towel. “Don’t be afraid I am yours, I am here to help you.” She puts the towel in the water and touches Trent’s chest with it. She puts it back in the water and the blood mixes with the water.

Trent reaches for her hand to stop her. He feels drugged, fuck… He had not called Molly Yesterday or last night… or at least he hoped he didn't make another fucked up call.

“Look, hold still and relax. The effects of last night are almost through with you. I watched you through the night and tonight I will do the same.” The lovely gothic girl finishes cleaning his branding and she starts putting gauze on it.
Trent speaks up, “Last night we didn’t have sex did we?”

The goth girl, “No master we did not but if you would like to I would give you my flesh in anyway.”

Fuck was all trent could say as he was trying to figure out what to do. He knew Molly was going to freak out about this. Hell he was freaked out about this. This girl was sexy but who is she? Who are the fucking idiots that branded him last night. He isn't one of them.. Is he?”

Welcome to the Parish

[ManMountainFierce]

James Fierce Presents: Famous Quotes from history... and wrestling.

Read by Deff  Trapeeze the stick puppet made by the daughter of James.

"I respect you bookerman"- unknown

"Ask not what you can do for your county, but what your country can do for pizza"- Lincoln....-probably

"You can lead a fish to water, but you can't make him horse."- Bruno....I think

"Paul Soutter is the best big man in wrestling history"- Said no one ever.

"Fool me once, shame on dong; fool me twice, shame on the Thai government for allowing Shootfighter to spawn."- Marty D from Connecticut, USA, Reddit message sub r/squaredcircle

"I've been clean for three straight days, It's hell." -Johnnie from Palm Springs

"Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're still an asshole."- Unknown man trying to stop an idiot from going into a grocery store without a mask, circa ten minutes ago.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail of breadcrumbs so you don't get lost." Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Coke, boos, and prostitutes, these are the real fringe benefits of being the mayor"- Rob Ford

This has been a James Fierce Production.

[Blackstone]

This entire promo is censored.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : Welcome back viewers. The TV Title Battle Royale is next up. I am afraid we had a mix up with the network again, an over-run of the commercial breaks sadly and we already have Colin Trentwood, Rajiv Khan and Tuxedo Mask in the ring.

Andrew Fulton : So, you’ve missed the dulcet tones of Bruno Mars and The Kidney Thieves. Boohoo. Oh, what a pity, how sad…

Jeremy Tucker : Well it’s a big night for all these competitors. A new champion will be crowned tonight.

Andrew Fulton : And another 9 jebronis who will get their crown caved in no doubt.

‘Killing in the name of’ hits and the two 7ft giants Doomsday and Lucifer make their way out to the rampway. They power walk in tandem to the ring and both step over the top rope to enter the ring.

Frank Salazar : Introducing now, hailing from the depths of hell... Coming in at a combined weight of 720 pounds .... Lucifer and Doomsday .... SATANS DISCIPLES!!!

Andrew Fulton : If these competitors have got any sense, they will keep these two giants apart. Same as with the Lunchbox Larry and K-Jax. They have experience of fighting as a team and you don’t need them double teaming you.

Jeremy Tucker : This is an ‘every man for himself’ situation surely? Won’t a title on the line put all partnerships aside?

Andrew Fulton : If it was the World Title… maybe. But I think tonight will be an excuse to settle old scores, with a title at the end of it being a happy bonus prize.

Master of puppets starts on the PA system. Out walks Samuel Blackstone with a huge smile on his face. He stands there at the entrance ramp, taking it all in. He then slowly walks down the ramp, eyeing the ring. He climbs the steps, the other wrestlers give him space, he waits and enters only once he is properly announced.

Frank Salazar : Introducing, hailing from Hawaii... weighing in a 245lbs…. Samuel Blackstone!!!

Andrew Fulton : I always like a rookie, a new face to a Fed, making waves and walking around like he owns the place.

Jeremy Tucker : Well I would say its arrogance….

Andrew Fulton : Well I would say… we aren’t stepping in that ring, so if we don’t have the balls to step in there, maybe we shouldn’t lecture on their attitude.

The opening of the Game’s “One Blood” hits the pa system and El Combatiente follows his manager Javier onto the stage. They look around soaking up their surroundings, Javier slaps him on the back for encouragement and tells him he’ll be in the backstage waiting for him. El Combatiente breaks into a full sprint for the ring and slides in. Lucifer fronts up to him and stares down at him. The officials call for the men to wait for the bell. El Combatiente doesn’t seem intimidated, but he backs off and stretches out his arms ready for the match to start.

Frank Salazar : Introducing now, hailing from South Los Angeles, CA. Coming in at 5’9 and 219 pounds .... EL COMBATIENTE!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Now this guy… This guy is a role model.

Andrew Fulton : Call me old fashioned… For my money, having a grasp of the local lingo is a minimum requirement for role model status. He hardly speaks a lick of English and he’s in a ring full of brutal giants. He doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of taking that title tonight.

Jeremy Tucker : You’re usually right on these things, but in my opinion, I think he has every chance of doing well.

Evil green mist bellows out of the ring entrance as a woman screams and Psychotic Goth laughing maniacally as "Welcome To Your Death" by Annihilator plays and Vampira leads Psychotic Goth to ringside in chains while holding Psychotic Goth's homemade weapon. He ignores the ringsiders and stops at the ring for Vampira to unlock the chains and Psychotic Goth rubs his wrists hard as he climbs the ring steps and enters the ring and stands in his corner. He slowly takes off his trench coat and jewellery before he lowers his head and raises his arms before throwing his head back revealing his pale handsome gothlike looks looking and snarling like a demonic maniac crazed and intimidating as he is given his homemade weapon and he caresses it before placing it in the nearest corner for Vampira to hold until it's time for Psychotic Goth to use it.

Frank Salazar : Introducing now, hailing from The Depths of Hell… Coming in at 6’5 and 235 pounds .... accompanied by Vampira .... The King of Goths .... PSYCHOTIC GOTH!!!

Andrew Fulton : Well let’s hope he doesn’t get hold of that homemade weapon later, things may be almost free of referee interference regarding what happens in the ring tonight, but if weapons get involved this could turn into complete chaos.

Jeremy Tucker : The only way to be eliminated is to throw an opponent over the top rope and for their feet to hit the floor. Last man standing will be the champion.

["Old Town Maine" by Lucas Deely begins to play. Lunchbox Larry and K-JAX step out from behind the curtain. Larry is laser focused on the ring as soon as it's in sight. He raises up a fist and runs down the ramp with K-JAX swaggering behind him. Larry brings down the arm as he nears the ring and jump slides in]

Jeremy Tucker : You can say what you want about these two, but I feel they’ve been a huge asset to the roster since their arrival.

Andrew Fulton : Talk of quitting was in the air recently though. I was half expecting a no show.

Jeremy Tucker : Well I’m glad they beat your expectations.

[Lunchbox Larry performs a quick push-up and slowly gets back to his feet, seemingly not that enthusiastic about the matchup. K-Jax jumps up on the turnbuckles, and raises his fist and the crowd pop]

Frank Salazar : Introducing as the last entrants of this Battle Royal TV Title match, coming in at a combined weight of 493 pounds .... K-JAX AND LUNCHBOX LARRY!!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : The bell has rung, and the punches are flying.

Andrew Fulton : These guys are not hanging around… Doomsday and Lucifer have immediately turned on Tuxedo Mask and are pounding on him. Goth joins in with the pair pounding on Tuxedo… K-Jax and Lunchbox Larry have been forced apart to opposite corners… Colin Trentwood and El Combatiente are kicking and chopping at K-Jax, whilst Blackstone and Rajiv Khan are pounding on Lunchbox Larry.

Jeremy Tucker : K-Jax manages to fight off the blows from El Combatiente and Trentwood and Irish whips El Combatiente into the opposite corner… Rajiv Khan breaks off his attack on Larry and hits El Combatiente with a Discuss Clothesline! … K-Jax headbutts Trentwood but bizarrely comes off second best and drops into the turnbuckles holding his head… Trentwood reals away holding his head too… Rajiv Khan knocks Trentwood down with a crescent kick…

Andrew Fulton : Lucifer and Doomsday have tried to eliminate Tuxedo Mask, but he’s gripping the bottom rope for dear life… Goth has decided to turn on The Satan Disciples… Goth punched Doomsday in the throat, who staggers away gasping for air, and Goth grabs Lucifer in a head lock and punches him repeatedly in the face… Lucifer is suffering but lifts Goth up and they both come crashing down in a Side Suplex!

Jeremy Tucker : Blackstone and Rajiv Khan are exchanging punches… Khan is coming off second best, but ducks a punch, steps up on the second rope and hits a tomahawk chop and Blackstone is knocked down to the canvas… Lunchbox Larry is back on his feet after the initial pounding he received… Rajiv sizes Larry up and flies at him with a Superkick! …but no, Larry side stepped the attempt, has Rajiv by his ankle and thigh, lifts him above his head and launches him over the top rope!!!

Frank Salazar : Rajiv Khan is eliminated

Jeremy Tucker : Rajiv had quite the fall there after initially doing really well here.

Andrew Fulton : Blackstone attacks Larry with a huge double axhandle blow to the back of the head and Larry crumbles into the ropes… Blackstone reaches through and chokes out Larry with the second rope…

Jeremy Tucker : As Lucifer and Tuxedo Mask exchange blows, Goth and Doomsday are going at it now… Both holding each other by the throat… While they’re both locked into choking each other Colin Trentwood sprints across and hits Goth with a Flying leg lariat! … Goth crumbles and releases Doomsday’s throat… Doomsday tries to grab at Trentwood but misses… Trentwood slaps him in a front face lock… Tornado DDT on Doomsday! … Colin Trentwood is ruling house here!

Andrew Fulton : I don’t think anyone is more shocked at the situation than Trentwood is… Trentwood tries to interrupt Lucifer’s attack on Tuxedo Mask … front face lock… Tornado DDT?!

Jeremy Tucker : But no, Lucifer stays on his feet even though Trentwood tried to spin him around… Lucifer lets out a roar of effort as he forces his way out of the face lock and lifts Trentwood up in an impressive military press overhead…. K-Jax sprints out of nowhere and running knee strikes Lucifer in the back… Trentwood is launched forward over the top rope to the arena floor and Lucifer falls and clutches his back in pain…

Frank Salazar : Colin Trentwood is eliminated

Andrew Fulton : Goth and Doomsday are back up and punching away at each other… El Combatiente crosses over to the struggling Lucifer and hits a standing senton… El Combatiente is back on his feet and delivers a double footed stomp to Lucifer’s back… K-Jax runs over and saves his tag partner with a Pele kick to the back of Blackstone’s head… Blackstone falls away clutching his head and Larry gasps for air over the rope… Tuxedo Mask has rolled out under the bottom rope and started chatting with a beautiful blonde in the front row… Classic Tuxedo Mask…

Jeremy Tucker : The officials are demanding that Tuxedo Mask gets back in the ring… El Combatiente has Lucifer in a Cross-face chicken wing in the middle of the ring! … No submissions here, but bringing the hurt will probably make it easier to eliminate Lucifer later? …Blackstone is back up holding his head and lashes out with a kick to El Combatiente’s face and he drops the hold… The officials are furious at Tuxedo Mask and threatening to eliminate him…Tuxedo Mask eventually finishes up his flirting efforts, winks at the largely receptive young lady and reluctantly gets back in the ring…

Andrew Fulton : Goth has staggered Doomsday with some big head shots and Doomsday is rocked back on the ropes as Tuxedo Mask rolls back in the ring… Goth backs off, runs at both men and double clotheslines Tuxedo Mask and Doomsday over the top rope!! …Both men save themselves by holding onto the ropes and finding their feet on the apron…

Jeremy Tucker : Tuxedo Mask standing dropkicks Doomsday off the apron!!!

Frank Salazar : Doomsday is eliminated

Jeremy Tucker : Psychotic Goth roars in an ancient Latin dialect, frustrated that he didn’t eliminate them both… Goth tries to eliminate Tuxedo Mask, but Tuxedo rolls under the bottom rope and grabs the rope…

Andrew Fulton : Real smart and agile effort from Tuxedo Mask there…

Jeremy Tucker : Meanwhile Lunchbox Larry is still struggling for air and K-Jax helps him up against the ropes… K-Jax sees that Blackstone is sizing the two men up for a double clothesline… Blackstone sprints at the pair… K-Jax sees the risk that they’ll both be eliminated and pushes Lunchbox Larry out of the way… Blackstone is unsettled by the sudden adjustment, hits K-Jax full speed with a clothesline and both men go over the top rope…

Frank Salazar : K-Jax is eliminated

Andrew Fulton : K-Jax literally taking one for the team there… Loyal and brave or dumb and pointless… you decide…

Jeremy Tucker : Blackstone managed to save himself by clutching the ropes and gets back up on the apron… Lunchbox Larry hits Blackstone with a huge big boot!! …Blackstone is hit so hard he hits the guard rail!!!

Frank Salazar : Blackstone is eliminated

Andrew Fulton : Immediate revenge there for his buddy K-Jax’s elimination… Blackstone is out of there…

Jeremy Tucker : Goth crosses over to Larry and attacks him with some big chops to the chest… Larry ducks a chop and runs and crushes Goth back first into the nearest turnbuckles…

Andrew Fulton : Lucifer has got back to his feet… El Combatiente and Tuxedo Mask exchange an understanding nod and double dropkick Lucifer… Lucifer crashes back first into the nearest turnbuckles… El Combatiente and Tuxedo Mask punch away on Lucifer and grab a leg each and heft him up on top of the top rope trying to eliminate him together… Lucifer is trying to go dead weight to fight against their efforts…

Jeremy Tucker : Lunchbox Larry drags Psychotic Goth out of the corner and hits Goth with a short arm clothesline… Larry drags Goth up and hits him with a scoop slam… Larry looks tired as he rests on the top rope nearby and stomps on Goth repeatedly… Goth grabs Larry’s leg and hits Larry with a low blow… Both men are down and struggling to get back up…

Andrew Fulton : El Combatiente and Tuxedo Mask after a ton of effort have forced Lucifer over the top rope, but he has fallen on his feet onto the ring apron… Tuxedo Mask tries to dropkick him off the apron but Lucifer drops to his back to avoid Tuxedo’s feet… El Combatiente baseball slide kicks Lucifer in the back and Lucifer falls to the arena floor!

Frank Salazar : Lucifer is eliminated

Jeremy Tucker : Before El Combatiente can get back to his feet Tuxedo Mask begins to stomp on him… Tuxedo Mask drags El Combatiente up and hits him with a Snap Suplex… Tuxedo Mask hops up into the turnbuckles… Split Legged Moonsault!!!... El Combatiente is winded and curled up under the turnbuckles in pain as Tuxedo stomps on him some more…

Andrew Fulton : Goth has forced Lunchbox Larry into the opposite turnbuckles and is trying to lift him up and over the top rope… Tuxedo Mask crosses to help Goth eliminate Larry… They eventually force Larry up and over the rope, but just like Lucifer he has managed to save himself by hugging the top rope as he stands on the apron… El Combatiente has struggled to his feet behind them and makes the save with a dropkick to the back of Goth’s head…

Jeremy Tucker : Lunchbox Larry looks out at the crowd for a moment and back at Tuxedo Mask trying to push Larry off the apron… Larry grabs Tuxedo Mask across the top rope lifts him up and Suplexes Tuxedo Mask to the outside!!!!

Frank Salazar : Lunchbox Larry and Tuxedo Mask are eliminated

Jeremy Tucker : Why would Lunchbox Larry do that? Eliminate himself like that?

Andrew Fulton : I told you. This is a title match for some, but just an excuse to fight and settle scores for others. Did you hear the crash of Tuxedo Mask’s feet smashing down on the ring steps when he landed? Look at the smile of Lunchbox Larry’s face as he punches the hell out of Tuxedo Mask on the outside… Does he look like a man who is sorry he eliminated himself? The officials are breaking it up now, but I think Larry has made his point…

Jeremy Tucker : So, it is down to El Combatiente and Psychotic Goth for the title now…

Andrew Fulton : Goth is back up but looks dazed after that dropkick… El Combatiente jumps up for a Hurricanrana!! …But Goth catches him and … Powerbomb!!! … El Combatiente felt all of that… You imagine Goth still has the strength to just pluck El Combatiente up and dump him out of the ring?

Jeremy Tucker : Goth is heading over to Vampira and asking for that homemade weapon! …Isn’t it enough to get the win at this stage?

Andrew Fulton : Goth has that weapon in hand despite the officials’ protests… I can’t even work out what that thing is… has he wrapped something in barbed wire? It looks like an old police baton with a creepy dolls head on it… It doesn’t look hygienic whatever it is…

Jeremy Tucker : Goth swings the weapon at the prone El Combatiente but he has flipped back to his feet and avoided the blow… El Combatiente jumps up and hits a flying head scissors takedown! …Goth has dropped his weapon and slowly staggers back to his feet… Goth paces towards El Combatiente, but El Combatiente meets him coming in and hits a sidewalk slam … Onto the weapon!!!

Andrew Fulton : Goth crawls to the ropes to get himself back up… his back clearly bleeding… El Combatiente looks exhausted as he gets back to his feet… El Combatiente sprints at Goth as he gets up… El Combatiente hits Goth with a clothesline and both men go over the top rope together!!!...

Jeremy Tucker : Both men are hanging, dangling close to elimination, fists gripping the top rope without their feet having touched the floor… El Combatiente kicks at Goth as he hangs there… Psychotic Goth roars in an ancient Latin dialect as his fingers begin to slip… Vampira rushes around the ring to try and keep Goth’s feet from the floor as the officials warn her not to… but she’s too late! …El Combatiente lashes out with one last kick and Goth drops to the arena floor…

Frank Salazar : Goth is eliminated…

Ladies and Gentlemen… Give it up, for your NEWWWWWW SWAT Television Champion…. EL COMBATIENTE!!!

Andrew Fulton : The bell rings out, the officials have called it, we crown a TV champion… Janvier is jogging down here to congratulate his man as El Combatiente rolls back into the ring to avoid the flailing arms of a very angry and bleeding Psychotic Goth… Paramedics are on their way to attend to Goth… Vampira is trying to calm her man as he pushes officials around who are preventing him getting back in the ring… The referee is handing a very tired El Combatiente the title belt, raising his hand as the victor and the crowd are going nuts.

Jeremy Tucker : I will happily say “I told you so” for a change. I thought he could win this against the odds, and he has. I am really happy for El Combatiente and feel this title has a tonne of promise and will be a great addition to the SWAT title divisions.

Andrew Fulton : Well I was sceptical of this title idea at first, but if it can create great crowd reactions and dramatic moments like that every week, I think this TV title will become a prestigious title worth fighting for. Now a word from our sponsors…

[Venom 🕷]

In the back Javier stands beside his client El Combatiente the brand new and first ever SWAT Television Champion.

Javier: I told you all when I brought my client here was here to win championships and ride to the top. I told you this wouldn’t be like last time. This is a new day for El Combatiente.

El Combatiente: Ahora que he ganado mi primer título desde mi regreso, puedo hacer algo que no pude hacer en mi primera carrera en el gran escenario. Tengo la oportunidad de defender mi título.
(Now that I have won my first title since my return I get to do something I didn’t get to do in my first run on the big stage. I get to defend my title.)

Javier: Or do you?

Javier reaches up and rips the mask off of El Combatiente revealing Venom. Venom looks shocked.

El Combatiente (Venom): What the fuck.

Venom reached and grabs Javier by the face and rips his face off revealing James Mueller.

Javier (James Mueller): Why would you do that?

El Combatiente (Venom): You started it!

Javier (James Mueller): This isn’t right!

Mueller reaches up and grabs Venom’s face and rips it off revealing Nelly Angel. Nelly looks shocked and reaches across and rips off Mueller’s face revealing Randy Angel.

Javier (Randy Angel): This is wrong for sure. Randy is too drunk to pull this off.

Randy reaches up and grabs Nelly’s face but the scenes pauses and we pan out and we find that we’re looking at a computer screen over the shoulders of Javier and El Combatiente.

Javier: I think this is a little too much. I know you want to poke fun at your past history but this is ridiculous. How’d you even learn how to do this?

El Combatiente: YouTube.

Javier: You can learn video editing on YouTube but you can’t learn English?

El Combatiente: If I learned English I wouldn’t need you.

Javier: Touché. Let’s just go celebrate your title win and forget about this. It won’t be long until we have to prepare for your first defense.

El Combatiente clicks file, save and then shuts the power down and we fade.

[Blackstone]

This Samuel Blackstone promo has been pulled from tv.

[thecomedian]

[We fade in to "The Golden God" Rally Jackson walking into the arena.  He is bumrushed by camera crews and reporters as he tries to get into the building.  He turns to his own camera and says this.]

Rally Jackson:  See that?  I'm a big star now.  I'm a double belt holder.

[Rally can barely get through there are so many cameras and reporters.]

Rally Jackson:  "Champ champ" as the kids say.

[Camera flashes everywhere.]

Rally Jackson:  And I'm in the main event, this must be the attention you get when you are a headliner.

[Reporters asking him so many questions at one time, it's hard to make out what they are saying.]

Rally Jackson:  And I'm challenging for the world championship.  I just might be the biggest star in the company.  I'm being treated like royalty now!

[As Rally finally makes his way in, he is ushered to a room full of press.  Rally gives a look to his own cameraman as if to say "look at me, I'm a big deal."  He goes up to his podium and speaks into the microphone.]

Rally Jackson:  No pictures, no autographs.  I know a lot of you have so many questions about my upcoming match.  What I am doing to prepare.  How I feel to be challenging for a world championship for the first time in a decade.  I know I am something of an idol to you now, but please guys it's still me Rally.  I'm just kind of a big deal.

Reporter 1:  What?  No, Rally, we brought you in here to get your thoughts on the recent allegations made about you....

Rally Jackson:  ::his giant grin goes away:: The what in the what now?

Reporter 2:  The hashtag speaking out movement.  We were hoping you can comment.  There have been some accusations about your past.

Rally Jackson:  The speaking.... what?

Reporter 3:  The hashtag speaking out.  Do you know a Sabelia Hotta?  She has accused you of constantly walking in on her when she was using the ladies room.  It happened on multiple occasions.

Rally Jackson:  ::deer in headlights::  I had to wash my hands!!

Reporter 1:  And we have a Tamara Sanchez who shared a series of text messages you sent to her 12 years ago.  "Come on baby please, send me the underwear with the skidmarks."  

Rally Jackson:  Bu....

Reporter 1:  "What does it smell like?"  What does that even mean?  What does what smell like Rally?  For christ's sake!

Rally Jackson:  Her yankee candles collection?

Reporter 2:  We also have an accusation of someone who says you forced yourself on them and wouldn't get off.

Rally Jackson:  Who said that?  That never happened.  I always pay for it and get consent.

Reporter 2:  Your victim's name was Microshocker.

Rally Jackson:  Microshocker is a guy!!!!

Reporter 2: That is not how she identifies herself.  Is this gong to be an LGBTQ issue as well?

Rally Jackson:  We had a match!!  I wouldn't let him.... her off me because I was PINNING him-er!!!

Reporter 3:  We also have Makato Jupiter who says you....

Rally Jackson:  No comment!

Reporter 3:  But this is the best one yet, you...

Rally Jackson:  I said no comment!!!  This press conference is over!!

[Rally storms off the stage and we fade to black.  A period of time passes and we fade back in.  Rally Jackson's attorney is at the podium.]

Attorney:  At this time, my client "The Golden God" Rally Jackson would like to issue a statement of regret for you all.  Rally would you please come up.

[Rally approaches the podium all dressed up in a suit and tie.  He has a solemn look on his face as he clears his throat and speaks.]

Rally Jackson:  I state my regret.  Thank you.

[Rally puts his papers down and leaves the podium ignoring any follow up questions and beelines for the door.  Loud commotion is heard from the press as we fade to black.]

[anthonycaffrey]

What You Deserve

The arena starts to pop a few moments early as they get a visual of the next man in front of a camera. The camera pans up to reveal the former X-Crown Champion as he steps out of an Uber. It’s our first time getting a real good look at Caffrey since he lost to Death Trap, and his body language indicates a more guarded approach to each one of his steps. A close-up of his face reveals that behind the trademark glasses is a pair of eyes with large rings underneath. He is following CDC guidelines with a red facemask, strikingly different than the cloth of the X-Crown. His flat-brimmed Philadelphia Phillies cap only mostly covers what is otherwise a ball of unkempt dark hair.

He walks slowly with his head seemingly on a swivel as he makes his way into the backstage area. His eyes scan each wrestler and technician as they pass him, and he doesn’t even respond with friendly nods to those who acknowledge him positively. Instead, he continues his walk. He finally finds the location he’s looking for and knocks. The camera turns to reveal that he’s knocking on the door of the commissioner of SWAT, one Zoran Sainovic. There’s no response.

“Open up, you piece of shit.”

Caffrey turns his fist, knocking with his whole hand instead of just his knuckles. The knocking becomes a pounding as there’s still no answer. He takes a deep breath.

“Zoran, I am not in the mood to fuck around. Open the door.”

There’s still no response. Caffrey turns the handle. It’s locked. He remains relatively calm, but it looks like he’s beginning to slip a bit.

“Come on, I know you’re in there---”

Nothing. Caffrey pounds on the door a few more seconds, wanting his meeting. He doesn’t get it, nor does he even get a response. He sighs and keeps moving, looking down at his feet.

“Never had to deal with this bullshit in AXW…”

An interviewer shouts at him for an interview, but the former champ waves him off. His phone vibrates and he immediately pulls it out to check it.

“Well, they responded via email. Oh joy. Let’s see…”

We can see the screen light up against Caffrey’s eyes as he reads his work email out loud.

“‘Dear Caffrey,
We have received your request for a match at Born for Greatness in Knoxville against Timeless.’ Okay...”

He scrolls down.

“‘No’.”

He lets out a long sigh.

“‘Not only no, but if you lay a finger on Timeless outside of a wrestling ring, we will vacate your spot in Overheated and give it to Timeless. Thanks, Management.’”

We just see the miserable man shake his head. He buries his chin in his chest for a few seconds, staring in disbelief at what he’s reading, before he takes his phone and throws it down the hallway about as far as it can go.

“FUCK!”

The phone bounces, tumbles, and rolls. The case and screen protector it’s been wrapped in is clearly military-grade as it does not go shattering into a million pieces. A few others in the hall spot the phone as it whizzes by them. They make the decision to duck out into other parts of the arena to avoid the angry Caffrey. He stomps past where they once were, immediately knowing he shouldn’t have thrown his phone like that.

“Goddamnit…”

You can see the anger stewing in the man as he makes his way to the device. He picks it up off the ground and brushes it off with his shirt, and surprisingly, it’s mostly in-tact. There is a crack in the upper left-hand corner of the screen. He repeatedly taps it against his forehead, mentally indicating to himself how dumb that was to do. He slides the phone back into the pocket of his blue jeans and goes to the area directly behind the curtain. Once he arrives, he seems to spend a few extra moments staring at the curtain, ignoring the others around him.

“If you want it, the ring’s yours.”

The sound of the producer’s voice rattles Caffrey, who is clearly lost in his own thoughts. He turns over his shoulder to find the source of the noise. The man is clearly half a foot shorter than him.

“What?”

“I see you staring at the curtain. If you want to use the ring, you’ve got it.”

“Thanks.”

The two share a nod… but Caffrey doesn’t pass through the curtain. He takes a look at the curtain and seems to be pondering whether or not he even wants to be in front of the fans right now. There is an unusual hesitance to him as he reels back, unwilling to stand in front of the potential firing squad at this moment. He has no idea how they'll take him without the X-Crown, and he does not want to find out.

“Hey, who am I wrestling tonight again?”

“You don’t know?”

The producer raises the mic from his headset so he can speak to Caffrey directly. Caffrey is immediately defensive.

“Leave me alone, I just got here.”

“You’re over an hour late. We already ran the entire battle royal.”

Caffrey can’t believe he’s this late to the show either.

“Who won?”

“Blackstone.”

His skepticism quickly turns into anger.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“No, it was El Combatiante. Relax man.”

The producer laughs.

“You should’ve seen the look on your face, man, Goddamn--”

“Just me tell who the fuck I’m fighting.”

“Whoah, whoah. Calm down there chief. Ya got Mr. ‘Hard to Follow’ tonight.”

The look of confusion on Caffrey’s face is palpable, even under a mask and hat.

“Who the hell is ‘Hard to Follow’?”

“Dude, it’s Jonnie Valentine. It’s another one of his nicknames.”

“Right, because the last eight stuck so well.”

“Whoah man--”

“--no, fuck him. He’s not who I want to fight tonight and the whole damn world knows it. AT LEAST give me that his nicknames are stupid.”

The producer’s tone has changed again. He’s less defensive, and more trying to get the problem child out of the room before the situation gets ugly.

“Can you-- can you do this somewhere else? We’re trying to run a show here.”

“Fine.”

Caffrey keeps it moving, taking his glasses off and rubbing his hands over his eyes, before immediately realizing he shouldn’t have done that. He takes out a pocket bottle of hand sanitizer and applies it as he mutters and continues to move. He eventually settles for a shipping crate and sits on top of it. He takes a deep breath to try to focus himself, clearly dealing with a whole load of emotions and thoughts in his head.

“Well, I see I seem to be working myself into a pattern. At Overheated, I’ve got the second-best member of the Awesome Bastards in Rat Bastard, and tonight, I’ve got the second-best member of the Society of the New Breed in the form of Jonnie Valentine. Next I’ll be fighting Ryan Young, Vincent Draven, Nelly Angel, Frostbite, both Fairtexes at the same time because let’s be honest -- can’t tell who sucks more…”

What would usually be a joking tone from Caffrey is being played more straight to camera. He isn’t mincing words as he goes in on his opponent.

“And here I was wondering why Marcus had sent me a podcast with you on it. I’ll have to give it a listen soon-- but really, the last thing anyone wanted was another podcast with a couple pasty white jackasses on it. Next thing you know Valentine will be trying to sell us granola bars in a box, audio books, and men’s underwear.”

He just shakes his head.

“It’s not hard to see why you’ve given yourself so many nicknames lately. ‘Hard to Follow’, ‘Heat Magnet’... Lord knows if you could actually draw that kinda heat you wouldn’t have to call yourself that... ‘The Palm Springs Kid’, ‘Devilishly Handsome’, ‘The Cat’s Pajamas’... Jon, you do know that for a nickname to work, someone else has to be the one to give you the nickname? Ya can’t just make up any shit you want. Trust me, I would know. ‘Chief Asshole’ never caught on because people strongly preferred just calling me ‘asshole’.”

You can tell Caffrey isn’t sure that isn’t still what people are calling him. He changes the subject.

“For having spent so much time around me -- hell, we were even on other side of Tables, Ladders, and Chairs not too long ago -- I don’t think you know me. Not like I know you, anyway. Besides a real pretty dropkick, I can see the green-eyed monster starting to grow inside you. Syberus is competing tonight for a SWAT World Heavyweight Championship match… and you? You get the job of standing in the ring with a man who will break your ankle like a toothpick just to feel a little bit better.”

The crowd pops loudly for Caffrey’s remarks, but he’s far enough away from the ring curtains that he can’t hear how they choose to respond.

“Tough draw. A bit of a short straw, that one. Even your Tornado Texas Death Match -- a great match, by the way, if I do say so myself -- Syberus showed his true star power, jumping off a ladder and taking out the opposition in one epic leap. You… well, maybe it’s one of the few times you don’t want a woman anywhere near your junk. Let me extend you the courtesy of telling you that you don’t need to wear a cup to your match tonight. You will need to book a dentist’s appointment, but at least you get to keep a shred of your dignity this time.”

The crowd only gets louder, but Caffrey still can’t hear them as he mimes breaking Jonnie Valentine’s ankle.

“Get out of here. Cut the camera. I’m done talking.”

Caffrey waves the camera off, ending his promo early. The savvy cameraman doesn’t turn the camera off as he spaces himself away from the former champion, who keeps looking down at the floor and muttering to himself.

Caffrey removes his hat and runs his fingers through his hair. It’s clear that he hasn’t combed it, and it looks like it hasn’t been washed for at least a few days. He forgets about not putting his hand against his face again to rest his head against his fist in thought. He takes another series of deep breaths, doing his best to put up with the ever-changing world around him

Pretty soon, he’s calling back the camera. The veteran cameraman simply inches back into his original shooting position.

“Hey, can you turn that thing back on? I’ve got a little more to say.”

“I haven’t stopped rolling. Keep going.”

“Really?”

“Go.”

Caffrey shakes his head in disbelief before taking a deep breath to suck it up for the camera. He stretches as he hops off the crate, moving a little closer to the camera as he talks, doing his best to stay socially-distant.

“Jon, John… I want to apologize tonight, Jon. I don’t--- I don’t do this often and actually mean it, so yeah. Hey. I’m sorry for tonight, Jon.”

The earnestness in his voice reveals that Caffrey does mean it.

“Jon, I know what you’re gonna do tonight. If you haven’t already, you’re probably gonna cut another promo full of stupid self-promotion bullshit outside of the ring, maybe tell a few jokes, and when you get inside, you’re gonna hit me hard. You’ll be looking for that ‘Picture Perfect’ dropkick, and well, I can only tell you how that one ends, but I damn sure know you’re still gonna try.”

His hand is shaking as he brings it up and points inward on himself. His words pick up speed, volume, and intensity.

“I-- I can’t tell you what I’m going to give you tonight, Jon. I really don’t know! I haven’t planned for this. Every time I’ve opened up my planner and my notebooks or watch tape I just… I just lose my shit a little, and tonight, tonight I’m not really expecting this to be much different, Jon. I don’t know if I’m going to break every bone in your body tonight or just elbow you in the face over and over and over and over and over and over again until you go limp and the referee stops the match, but I don’t think you deserve it. Y---y--you don’t deserve what’s coming to you tonight -- I think you’re an asshole, and I’m gonna give everything I have to win this match, but you’re not the one who took my pride and joy. You’re not the reason I haven’t smiled in two weeks. You don’t deserve this.”

He lowers the hand.

“But tonight-- but tonight, and God, I hope he’s watching ---”

Caffrey’s mind is racing too much to complete his sentence. He digs down to concentrate, to power through so he can finish his thought.

“Tonight, tonight I’m going to make you wish I still had the X-Crown.”

The camera cuts as Caffrey’s intense words ring out through the back. The crowd cheers for the former champion.

[Timeless]

[We see a brand new shining blue ‘Rimac C Two’ speed into the arena. The car drifts into the underground car park and out step Timeless Alex Turner and Roxylishus. Timeless has an unbuttoned KGB baseball style top on and his torso shines in the lights of the car park, he looks incredible and gives a pec pop to the camera. Roxylishus looks even better and she is wearing a KGB boob tube, it’s a small tube and them melons are bursting at the seems.]

Timeless : I am telling you right now, costing Caffrey that X Crown last week to Death Trap, that’s as good a feeling as I have had in this business. Better than joining the KGB. Better than winning the Anzac Cup … pretty much singlehandedly. Better than any titles I have won.
Winning, that feels good, don’t get me wrong, but when you’re Sir Winsalot, it comes with the territory.

Now ruining another’s hopes and dreams. Watching them crumble right in front of your eyes, at your own doing, especially a git like Caffrey, now that is a feeling worth bottling.

Roxylishus : He had it coming, no doubt. But Death Trap?

Timeless : Eh. He should go buy a lottery ticket, cause he is the luckiest person in the entire XHF. Sure Caffrey kicked his ass in the promo cycle, we all know that. Was the best work we have seen from Caffrey, much better than the drivel he pulled out when he actually “won” the Rumble. Death Trap though, he can from this day be known as the fortunate sap that stood opposed in the ring to Caffrey when I pulled the trigger and ripped his heart out.

Roxylishus : The SWAT locker room isn’t happy, I have been getting lots of texts that because of you, the X Crown is now not even in SWAT hands.

Timeless : Collateral Damage. I didn’t want Caffrey to hold it any longer. Seeing him prance around with it, thinking he is some new born man, it mad my insides churn. (looking to the camera) You see Caffrey!

[Timeless winks to the camera]

I know you are listening. I know you are sitting in the corner of your dark bedroom screaming in your head WHY? Why ME!? Just like you would in High School when the girls wouldn’t speak to you and treated you like a leper for being one of the geeks.

Roxylishus : Some things never change.

Timeless : You see Caffrey. In this business, it isn’t always who was the better man on the night. When Zoran first won the crown and brought it to SWAT, it wasn’t because he was the best wrestler in the world. He just was in the right place at the right time, it was “our time” to host the X Crown. He knew that and used his political clout to get himself entered for the shot at it, good for him, he made his own opportunities happen seizing on the timing.

He weas riding high, possibly the most over worker on the Network, he even defeated Radu Matei. A victory that was also of my doing, when I tossed his sacrificial ass into the Hudson river.

Then comes you in the Rumble. You know in your heart of hearts you were not the best man on that night. You were all over the place in your endeavours to win the belt, desperate even, chopping and changing your persona’s, it was actually embarrassing.

Roxylishus : You made him do it. You exposed him and he showed the world he didn’t even know who he was.

Timeless : You know it! Them Network pillocks didn’t pick it up. I had to tell them, how can you have someone represent the network who doesn’t even know WHO THEY ARE!

Roxylishus : You should have just demanded the title match and taken the Crown from him.

Timeless : Yeah, Zoran made sure that didn’t happen, bringing in DT, what a joke.

Roxylishus : Maybe you should go to Skynet and take it back from DT?

Timeless : Maybe I will do just that.

Roxylishus : Don’t put him in the Turn About though, he is wayyyyy tooooo tough to tap (Roxylishus rolls her eyes in the most mocking way)

Timeless : Fuck him, and his Skynet fed.

Roxylishus : What about tonight, we got a 6 man tag, you Frosty and Fierce against Suit, Linda and Armand.

Timeless : We have something special in store for them. They won’t know what hit them, we are taking them down Bandit style, count on it.

[/color][color=hotpink Roxylishus : Are you sure Frosty will be ok to compete, I have heard he may be ill.

[/color]Timeless : He’s a fighter, he will be ok, I have full faith in him.

[/color][color=hotpin Roxylishus : Who is this Armand fucken guy anyway? Who the hell does he think he is to sidle up to Suit and get in our business?

[/color]Timeless : Fools want to make a name for themselves and don’t realise the consequences for their actions until its too late and they are stuck in a hospital bed with a cracked skull and shitting blood.

I am SIR WINSALOT.

We are the KGB.

We like to Root and we make all the Loot!

We take out the Trash, and collect all the Cash!

We break your heart and tear you apart!

We make Stacks and break backs!

I’ll rupture your spleen and knock you out clean!

I am the Ultimate Male Supreme!

Every breathing Woman’s Wet Dream!

A God Damn Wrestling Machine!

Un fade able!

[eddied]

(We are in the warm up gym in The Knoxville Civic Auditorium and Coliseum in Knoxville, Tennessee. Eddie is strapping his left knee heavily. Eddie sits up with a sincere and focused look on his face. Eddie D stares down the lens of the camera. The hate behind his eyes is palpable.)

EDDIE: No cheap shots at the crowd’s expense. We’re past all that.

No more talk of hash tags and self-promotion. This one sells itself.

I have nowhere to hide on this bout, ‘cause I’ve been talking up this match a while now. I kept saying that it was bad business not putting us in the ring together sooner and now it’s here… I feel a little pressure to deliver on it being a show stealing moment; A little. But that just gives me strength and motivation. I don’t fear it not being the standout moment of the show. Perhaps my only fear is that it won’t be the instant classic it deserves to be.

Syberus, the real pressure is all on you.

No one listens to me. The deluded fans hang on your every sarcasm dowsed word.

No one expects me to beat Mr 110%. You’re the book makers favorite heading into this match up.

No one knows where and when I will show up to rain on someone’s parade. It’s you that was wronged and had your belt wrenched from you unjustly. You get to sit on that high horse, precariously on top of that podium they’ve erected for you to cry on; the moral high ground I chivalrously concede to you.

No one wants me here. The fans love your pearls of wisdom and that proud British grasp of irony and witty mockery. You’ve been here since Adam was a lad and they want you around, they won't let you go; like an old, smelly, threadbare comfort blanket that mummy just doesn’t have the heart to throw out.

Experience is a wonderful thing until it becomes an excuse for being a few yards off the pace; for being a touch slower than the fitter stronger man. Pressure to prove to this younger, better looking, outsider that this is still your patch and you can still throw down. Pressure to perform.

You may claim you don’t feel the pressure, but it’s there, nagging at your subconscious and your performance will suffer accordingly.

You know that the fans are wrong. WRONG to right me off!!! WRONG to doubt my quality! You have seen first-hand the pain I can deliver. You have seen me have tag match wins over you. You have seen me take advantage of mistakes and situations and twist them to my will. To MY WILL!!!

You want a World Title shot? Well I have worked too hard just to let that happen. I buried a feud, swallowed my pride, set myself on a path of total war and anarchy and have imposed a champion on this federation we can all be proud of. A man I can call a friend; a brother.

You will not succeed tonight. I want the win more. I need the win more. I owe myself, the Fed, my brother in anarchy and you, yes even you, the performance of a lifetime and I am not going to let anyone down tonight!

If I win? … Sorry… WHEN I WIN tonight… people have asked what I will do with the title shot. How strong is that friendship? Would it stand up to a bloody title defense? People forget that this is the era of Anarchy baby! Maybe I would find a different road the rest of you status quo junkies wouldn’t have thought about? Titles and title shots go for good money these days, don’t they Rally Jackson.

One thing’s for certain… No one will doubt me and my resolve again. No one will labor under the misapprehension that you are better than me. Tonight, when it comes to blood, guts, determination and endurance it will be an encounter which will live on in infamy after our careers are over. A generation of kids will remember this as the day they lost faith in you and saw Eddie D as THE Big Deal he always purported to be.

Syberus?!

BRING… IT… ON!

(Eddie stands, kicks the camera over and the film ends abruptly.)

[SWAT Team]

[We cross to the back and find SWAT Interviewer extraordinaire Warren W Webber approaching a locker room, he has his mic, is wearing his tux and is motioning the camera to follow him. He knocks on the door and enters and we find “The Mad Dog of Melbourne’ Paul Soutter and Lucky Linda La Fey in there, Soutter is tying his boot and Linda wrapping strapping around her wrist in final preparations for their match with the KGB.]

Webber : Soutter! Linda! May I get a quick word before your match with the KGB tonight please,

Soutter : Sure.

Webber : Thanks, firstly, Linda, congratulations on becoming a two time Amazons Champion. Well deserved.

Linda : Thanks Warren. You know, I have been on a role of late here in SWAT. I keep seeming to be getting myself in trouble at every turn. I mean, Zoran Sainovich has been a thorn to me, and here I am now embroiled in our fight with the Bandits (she points to Suit) You mess with HIM. You mess with ME! Not too mention my war with Canelli!

Webber : I saw last week Zoran coughed up the two million prize money from No Mans Land.

Soutter : Correction Webber. He FINALLY CAVED AND SUCCUMBED and coughed up the prize money. IT was long overdue and been coming since JANUARY!

Webber : He claims that was out of his hands and he has tired of Linda’s harassment and blaming him for the accounting departments inadequacies.

Linda : A likely excuse. I saw you last week Zainovic, trying to goad me into putting MY prize money back on the line to get you in the ring, claiming your done with me. You have some nerve. You may be done with ME but I am not done with YOU! Not by a long shot.

Webber : So you are going to put your prize money on the line to get him in the ring at the upcoming memorial?

Soutter : Don’t be absu ….

Linda : (interrupting) You are god damn right I am! I see your bluff Sainovic! And I raise you!

[Soutter looks blown away, and Linda gives him the ‘I got this’ look.]

Webber : Wow! You heard it here first folks! Linda saying she WILL put up the dollars to get Zoran in the ring.

Soutter : The poor old sap. He doesn’t stand a chance.

Linda : He cost me the X Crown! I had Caffrey on toast. He comes out, THEN tries to cut my throat! I will rip his innards out!

Webber : What about your partner tonight, Armand von Krauss? This is a strange pairing.

Soutter : That it is, this business makes for strange bedfellows. He and I, we are very similar. He has walked in my shoes, he knows what I have been through, and he see’s the bandits for what they are, and said, “not on my watch”. Good for him.

Webber : They are a very formidable team. Timeless. Fierce. Frostbite. What an outfit.

Linda : We know. HE assembled them. (motioning to Suit)

Webber : That he did, and then, then ….

Soutter : THEN THEY MAD THE WORST MISTAKE OF THEIR LIVES! They put me in the hospital! BUT THEY DIDN’T FINISH THE JOB! Tonight … WE finish the job!

Linda : (Sean Connery from Untouchables impression) Send one of ours to the hospital, we send one of yours to the MORGUE!

Webber : What of these revelations that Frostbite may have Cancer?

Soutter : Well, if he does, that’s what you cop for messing with the Suit. You reap what you sow in this world, and that man has everything coming to him he gets. I am not going to pretend to pity him or feel sorry for him, the beating I have in store for him will make his Cancer seem like a splinter.

Webber : Ok, well, your match is right upon us, all the best tonight ….

Soutter : I am the Big Bad Bustling Bandit!

The Centre of Attention!

The Suit!

Mad Dog Paulie Mutha Fuckin Soutter!

The FOUNDER!

I got the Skill to Thrill!

The Name to Entertain!

I’m Loud and Proud and well Endowed!

Tonight, WE finish the Bandits! Just like I did Frostbite last week!

Linda : And WE like it like that!