Post by mtc on Jul 12, 2020 11:45:33 GMT -5
"Did you know that sippy cups promote tooth decay? We never let you near them, Norman."
{Chief mechanic, Norm Krabbe, looks around the garage nervously. Did any of the other mechanics see the the hood of MOTHER's Porsche 917 flapping up and down in speech as it gave parental tips on babies' eating habits? Krabbe breaks into a cold sweat. The last thing he needs is it getting out that the team's vehicle is inhabited by the ghost of his dead mother.}
Norm Krabbe
(whispering):
Mom, we talked about this - if my boss finds out you're in there, the company will take you apart.
Christine
(flapping hood to simulate mouth):
You worry too much, Norman. Besides, it's so BORING stuck inside the garage all day. I want to catch some sun on the beach, go to a patio for a drink with my friends. Play a game of bridge. Poor Madge still thinks I'm dead. I feel like a prisoner here. I need to GET OUT.
Norm Krabbe:
Ma - I'm not trying to torture you, its just not safe right now, its for your own good.
Christine:
Sometimes I wonder why I bothered coming back at all.
Norm Krabbe:
Don't be like that. Look I really enjoy this second chance we have, its just... I'm worried. Look, after this upcoming qualifier, we'll go out for ice cream.
"And get the interior sticky, Norm? No dice."
{MOTHER's driver, Bogdan Tomas, swaggers in with all the confidence of a former star athlete who now nurses a serious drinking problem.}
Norm Krabbe:
Uh, Bogdan, I was just-
Christine:
Good morning, Bogdan.
Bogdan Tomas:
Morning Christine. How you doing today, beautiful?
{Wait - he knows?!}
Norm Krabbe:
MA!
Christine:
What Norman?
Norm Krabbe:
We need to keep this low key, or they will take you away! You let HIM know you were in there?
Christine:
Sure Bogdan is such a nice young man, we can trust him. I am a very good judge of character.
Bogdan Tomas:
Relax Norm, your secret is safe with me. Its not like I want my girl to know I'm frequently inside your Mom. She would not take it well.
{Gripping a spanner, the only thing keeping Norman from beating Tomas' brains out is the fact that he pretty sure he'd lose in a fight. Also if he killed Bogdan before turning him into a vegetable, it would be against the rules.}
Christine:
She sounds like a real pill.
Bogdan Tomas:
Very true, fortunately I like pills.
Norman Krabbe:
Bogdan - are you combining the yellow with the yellow blue pills again? I think you're having a psychotic episode - you seem to think the car has a ghost in it. We're all very worried about you.
{...}
Christine:
Give it up, Norman.
Bogdan Tomas:
While I was tripping the proverbial balls when I first discovered your secret, Norm, I knew it was both REAL and FATE. You see, the person who inspired me to get into racing was David Hasselhoff. So as a young boy, I always knew I would one day get behind the wheel of a talking car... and solve crimes.
Christine:
........And it struck me that the location of the second Slippy Cup qualifier HAS seen a high number of missing persons amongst women of the evening.
Bogdan Tomas:
The mystery of the murdered hookers? This looks like a job for MOTHER! the car.
Christine:
Yes! The world's oldest profession will once again feel safe, even if we have to burn rubber.
Norm Krabbe:
Or maybe we could focus on the race?
Bogdan Tomas:
Good god man! With lives on the line? Where are your priorities, Norm?
Norm Krabbe:
I don't want my Mom taken away from me again! Let the police deal with it. To keep the owners happy, we need to win!
Christine:
A win would be nice, but I'd settle for keeping the streets safe with a hit and run on the Sippy Cup Strangler.
Norm Krabbe:
We need to treat this seriously... there is a real chance of being knocked off the side...
Bogdan Tomas:
Ha! The car is a ghost. If someone knocks Christine off the side, we'll just fly back to the track. For a car mechanic, you sure don't know much about the paranormal.
Christine:
I blame myself.
Norm Krabbe:
I know she can fly, but Bogdan, won't you fall to your de- nevermind. Just remember... we're a race behind, so most of the other teams won't be expecting too much from us. You can wait till the third level before accelerating to really catch them off guard.
Christine:
If you think that's best, Norman.
Norm Krabbe:
Just keep a low profile. I know you can do this, Mom. And afterwards, we'll go out for ice cream.
Christine:
That would be nice.
Bogdan Tomas:
...Provided the strangler is off the streets.
Christine:
Of course, lives come first.
Norm Krabbe:
Oh, uh, sure, but-
Christine:
Thanks for understanding, honey.
{Bogdan climbs into the car.}
Christine:
We're going to get some practice laps in.
Norm Krabbe:
Sure Mom, just be-
{The car speeds off.}
Norm Krabbe:
...careful.
{Sparks fly as it sharply turns a corner.}
Norm Krabbe:
...careful.
{Sparks fly as it sharply turns a corner.}
Bogdan Tomas:
No offence Christine, but your son seems pretty high strung. I would have run over that umbilical cord decades ago.
Christine:
...Maybe I should have let him have a sippy cup as a baby?
Bogdan Tomas:
Well, we'll get him one now.
{The car disappears into the horizon to solve crimes and protect prostitutes.}
MOTHER! the car.
MOTHER! the car.