2020 Packer Tanner Memorial Tribute Show

[anthonycaffrey]

Death of a Dipshit



This blog is dedicated to an asshole I’m about to end tonight.

I’m about to expose a man to the entire Network and you get to enjoy every second.

Not literally, of course. That would be the other guy who blogs (used to blog?? Has anyone asked him if he’s still doing them since he stopped pretending he gave a shit about all of you?)


And they call me 'insincere'. Speaking of this fake fuck, how much longer do you think it'll be before we finally fight? Will it be longer than Draven or shorter? Put your answer in the comments below.

But hey… let’s not put the cart before the horse. As much as I like to sell every single future match I’m going to have months in advance…


We’ll cover this asshole another night. Spoiler alert: I’m going to kick his and Adkins’ asses so hard the XHF is forced to rename the event to something that doesn’t have the word “glitter” in it.

...tonight is the night I’ve had circled on my calendar with the most red ink. More than any other match I’ve had this year, this is the match I’ve been most looking forward to having. I can’t wait any longer. This is the match that has stolen the majority of my attention, that has stolen almost every one of my free waking thoughts, that has stolen my ability to think about the X-Crown without cursing.


I love the fake tough guy pose from Dave here. About as real as his allegiance to MCCW or J-ROK’s to their own talent. #roundtwo #ohwaityoualreadylostit #transitionalchamp

(I’ve gotten into hashtags during quarantine. It’s like when you start making fun of something stupid so you start doing it ironically, but after a while you can’t stop doing it. Just be glad it isn’t the word ‘hella’.)

To all of you who aren’t thieves named Timeless, I hope your quarantine is treating you well. I get that it sucks. Trust me, I’ve gotten text message after text and email after email from people wondering how I’m keeping sane during all of this. At least, that’s what I think all of these messages I’ve got asking about my health are. I’m sad my match with Swann got cancelled, but I know I have the Empire behind me tonight.

Timeless, you might have noticed that I’ve taken to not calling you a dickhead anymore. Well, I should say ‘allegedly’ calling you a dickhead, just like I ‘allegedly’ smashed up your car. Just like tonight, when I ‘allegedly’ cripple you to the point that you can no longer walk, to the point that you can’t come back to work, to the point where you pack your bags and retire to whatever old folks’ home will take a man that needs to be under constant supervision.

But the fact of the matter is, I’m not calling you a dickhead... because you’d actually have to have the balls for that name to stick. What you did is no brave feat. It is a brave feat to go to work every day during this pandemic, to fight on the frontlines in hospitals while wearing second-hand PPE all over the country, to keeping the supermarket shelves stocked so all of us can eat, or even just delivering food for a number of apps that are robbing their workers blind. Those people, those people who are providing and looking out for others during a crisis, they’re the heroes of this time. I go to work for all of you fans, but especially for them. Thank you.



Timeless… you on the other hand… you’re a coward. You’re the type of man who has to strike another from behind because if you did it from the front you’d wind up on your ass. You’re the type of slimy dipshit that would go to a bar without a mask and cough on the waitstaff in an attempt to go viral.

And it’s not just that Roxylishus has had your balls in her purse since the moment she arrived on the scene. It’s more than that. While I was on the card for Night of Champions, you spent the night at home because you don’t draw. You don’t have thousands of people talking about you. You don’t have people putting you in their top five XHF wrestler lists. You don’t have everything I have, and that’s why you’ve made it your mission to screw me out of everything. Congrats on that, dipshit. Mission accomplished.



So tonight, I’m going to take from you what you love. I am going to take SWAT away from you. You will be the new nomad, the new outcast. You will always have a hole in that greasy little shrunken black thing other people might call a heart, and you will never be able to fill it. You will carry that around with you as you try to find a new fit and adapt to the world around you. I can tell you from experience that you aren’t prepared for what happens when this door closes. When you get dumped on your ass and find yourself on the unemployment line, don’t be surprised that no one wants to take a flyer on the guy whose biggest Network accomplishment is choking in the semi-finals for SWAT’s Call to Arms team.

I don't even want to put up the graphic here of who you all lost to. Goddamnit.

And hey, people get on my ass for mentioning AXW a lot. It’s a fair point. I know Syberus and Jonnie Valentine don’t give a fuck about my history or where I came from. Before Night of Champions last year, I hadn’t seen a single episode of SWAT and I didn’t care about this place either. But that company was my home, my palace, my kingdom… and I never got to give it a proper goodbye. A knee to the face and suddenly all the lights turned off and everyone left. For some, it was a grand celebration. For me, that was one of the last times I was ‘sure’ of something.

I had a place in the world and it was ripped away from me. Just like I had a place at the top of the food chain, after surviving fifty-nine other guys, I had a place as The Best, and you ripped that away from me too, you sorry son of a bitch.

But it’s gone, and unless I set a very specific set of events in motion… it ain’t comin’ back. I tried going to the AWF to fill that gap, that space… didn’t work for me. That’s why I’m grateful for SWAT. Something about this place clicks for me, something about the nature of competition. Here we fucking fight. There is no complaint department in management, it’s a grumpy old foreign bastard who’d rather kick your ass than listen to your booking request. As much as I hate him, as much as he tried to ruin my Rumble chances by throwing me in a TLC match about a week before the show, I appreciate that he’s not two-faced. I know exactly where I stand with Zoran -- in that mostly I think he’s just biding his time before getting the Industrial Man to literally rip me in half.


Game on, bitch.

I’m also most appreciative of SWAT for keeping an open mind and open arms. As I told people what I was doing, that I was opening myself up and exposing my mind and heart to thousands, these fans were the first ones to give it a shot. They saw me for what I am -- a hard-working individual trying his best every single day, just like they do. There were no pre-conceived motions, nobody with tunnel-vision here that accused me of being disingenuous or disbelieved in what I was saying. They got 100% the real me, they gave me 100% of themselves, and for what might be the last time tonight, I’m gonna give this match 100% for them.

But don’t line up to mourn just yet, folks. It ain’t over til’ the fat lady sings. Or until I elbow Roxy so hard her implants explode all over the second row.

Yeah, that’s right. You even lay a finger on me tonight, Roxy? I am an equal opportunity ass-kicker. I am sure Timeless has tricks up his sleeve tonight. It doesn’t matter to me what he brings to this fight: I’ll just rip his arms off and watch everything else fall out.

So to SWAT, and to the fans… thank you. Thank you for being open-minded and accepting me with open arms. Tonight is for you. Tonight is for everyone who has been stirring around in their homes, who’s felt like this fucking virus has ripped out all of their happiness and made them a mindless, soulless husk. I don’t want to promise victory. The last time I promised victory, well… you try explaining to a kid with cancer that you couldn’t get the job done for him.


That SUCKED.

But what I can promise is this:

Tonight I will fight like hell to evict Timeless from SWAT. I will fight to get his Hollywood-looking C-list wrestling ass outta here. I don’t even remember if this match has disqualifications in or not. To me, it doesn’t matter. It becomes arbitrary, the difference is really whether I break him in half slowly or with a few tools to expedite the process.



Tonight, I will break Timeless. Whether it’s an arm, an ankle, his back, and/or his spirit is up to how the match is going. If he somehow sends me out of the company tonight, it’ll be because I need to be loaded into the back of an ambulance. I will not let that man get away with what he did. When he stole my championship, he wanted the attention of thousands. What he’ll get tonight is the attention of one… and instead a wrath of that magnitude.

Tonight, I am going to be a flicker of light in the darkness. I encourage all of you, wherever you are in the world, whether it’s in the great state of Georgia or somewhere else, to turn on the flashlights on your phones and be that light with me. Tonight, we are going to burn brighter, we are going to burn harder, and we are going to burn that cowardly piece of shit Timeless alive.


You bring the matches, I’ll bring the gasoline. We’re starting a fire tonight.

As much as I wish I could’ve unleashed this on Brad Swann’s corrupted and crooked ass, tonight the Wrestling Emperor returns. The first man to fall as the Empire rebuilds itself will be the one who thought he could take it all down in the first place. And with an army of thousands behind me, I can tell you right now: the Emperor is going to be more dangerous than ever.

And tonight, Timeless, you’ll only have yourself to blame. I hope smacking me in the face with a chair and ruining my life was worth the amount of suffering you’re about to go through. I hope it was worth losing being the king of the midcard and getting jerked off by Roxylishus and the KGB. I hope it was worth finding a new company and losing the one thing you hold the closest to you. Let me give your uneducated ass a few parting words before I break your ankle and my elbow meets your face later tonight:

Caveat emptor, dipshit.

[frostbite]

Jeremy Tucker: Some strong words from Anthony Cafffrey.

Andrew Fulton: Certainly are, but it should be a great match...

Jeremy Tucker: I hate to cut you off but I understand there is something going on backstage.

Andrew Fulton: When is it not something going on and for the record you like cutting me off. That should be in my contract, you should not be allowed to do so.

Jeremy Tucker:I should have in my contract that I can have a new partner but I do not.

Andrew Fulton: My contract is air tight. Can you say That?

Jeremy Tucker: Ah yes I can. So I guess we are stuck together.

We hear a loud noise off in the distance.

Backstage..

Our cameras are actually in the parking lot as we see speeding right toward the building an ambulance , as it pulls right into the building with the sirens going, as it comes to a complete stop. Someone pushes the door open as this person jumps out.

Jeremy Tucker: Frostbite is back.

Frostbite slams the driver side door leaving the sirens blaring. As Frostbite walks to the front of the ambulance we see that he is still wearing a white bandage across his forehead, which has a spot of blood right smack in the middle of it. As he starts to head back inside, we see Warren Webber walking right toward him.

Warren Webber: Frostbite I got to get a word with you.

Frostbite: Warren this is time to discuss anything with me right now. I told the world I have unfinish business.

Warren Webber: Frostbite should you be in the hospital right now. You lost a lot of blood earlier from your match against Psychotic Goth.

Frostbite: Warren I am so thrilled everybody is concerned for my well being, but I would save all of that for the person that I am after.

Warren Webber: But why have you come back. Goth is 0n his way to the hosptal, so it can not be him.

Frostbite: Warren, I have nothing against Goth, I wish the man no harm. We just went out there in the opening bout and beat the hell out of the other to honor two legends who are no longer with us. But we must do it at the hands of these idiots that we call fans because they are so bloodthirsty. They enjoy us beating the hell out of the other. These idiots can kiss my ass.

A CHORUS OF BOOS

Warren Webber: Are you after Paul Soutter?

Frostbite: No, I am not interested in beating him for the millionth time. Paul and I, still have unfinished business and that will be dealt with I promise you that.

Warren Webber: But why are you back? You should be getting checked at the local hospital.

Frostbite: Warren, tonight we might here to pay respects to Packer and Tanner. But tonight I plan on making this the night that this company will remember for years to come. I want people to look back whether it might be five or ten years from know that was the night that Frostbite has return. No more Warren will I allow others to leapfrog over me. So with that being said I loom forward to like many others to the World title match between Trent Jones and Syberus. But Mark my words the winner of that match will get dropped on their head, that I promise.

Frostbite stops for a second.

Frostbite: Warren, you see with my recent trip to the doctor and with the possibility of cancer could be looming who knows if I have it then Warren is this could be the end of the road for me, then I am going out on fucking top. I want Souter to really understand this. This will be the final mission for me. I have beaten him, I have taken the KGB from him and now I plan on taking the world title and finish my mission by burning this bitch to the ground. To the winner, I am coming for you and there is not a damn thing that either of you can do about. Warren, the cold hearted bastard is back.

He walks away.

[ManMountainFierce]

WTF!; or How I met your mother
in the stall of a dive bar
A KGB Production

A James Fierce Experience Experience

James is somewhere else.

Not here at the arena.

Wherever the fuck that is. 

The battle is over now.

Good has triumphed 

Again.

Defeating the incompetent

Overcoming a fiend

Again.

James is somewhere,

Somewhere where the mountains 

Rise high in the sky

Somewhere.

James is not here.

Those mountains. 

He has climbed them before.

A climb 

He reaches the top.

Again

He shouts his fury

On those mountains

His scream 

A primal roar

It reaches the valleys below

The hollows hear.

They hear thunder.

The thunder of a deity that walks 

among the mortals

They shudder

James is not here. 

James is...


STATIC INTERRUPTION


MORE STATIC


EVEN MORE STATIC


I'm trying to figure out what the fuck was that Coffee. I'm the blogger. Jeez man, come up with some original shit will ya?  You speak and you speak and say some shit that Jonnie might say coming off a weekend bender of whoring out his Society boys, also called Tuesday. 


Or is that Monday? Hmmm.

Anyway Coffee, do better. Entertain me. The cocky swagger of a douchey stan is not my cup of tea.

I mean, come on man.

Hit a bit harder will ya?

Thirteen thousand words and all I could figure out is you got beef with Alex. It hurt my head.

I got to take my fucking meds now man... Maybe Jonnie left some laying around.

That reminded me of Trumpy boys speech on Thighland. 

I suppose I know what he meant, but Christ on a cheese cracker did it make me want to medicate.

Anyway... Do better.


STATIC

PICTURE THE STATIC!



LOVE THE STATIC

The Journey is not over

Oh No.

The climb to success

is ever fluid.

James is not here man.

Fierce is EVERYWHERE.

 

 

 

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker : And we are back, coming up now we have the Legends Match, featuring the KIT and Kaboodle, Jonnie Valentine going up against the returning for one night only, Rockin Rick Owen!

Andrew Fulton : Two men who have seen and done it all. Has Rockin Rick got one left in the tank, or has he just bitten off more than he can chew in the leader of the Society and former World Heavyweight Champion Valentine, I am thinking the later.

[Petra hits and White Smoke, Blue Pyros explode . Rick runs through it all and down to the ring, slides under the ropes, climbs up a corner, and points to the heavens, cups his hands to his mouth, letting out a big rocknroll WHOOOO!!! and then points to the crowds.

Jeremy Tucker : Rick looks great, he is in excellent condition.

Andrew Fulton : Condition? Who are you? Bruno Sammartino?

Frank Salazar : The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall. Introducing first … hailing from San Francisco CA! Coming in at 6’1 and 240 pounds …. ROCKIN RICK OWEN!!!!

Pappa wants the best by Danny Aeillo hits and Jonnie comes out dressed in a red tasseled jacket with "The Kit AND The Kaboodle" written in cursive lettering on the back. Red trunks and white boots with "JV" embroidered on them. Jonnie jogs down to the ring, slapping fans hands, doing a full lap around the front row. He finds an old lady or geeky teen singing his theme song, and he sings along with them. He pulls on the top rope to vault inside the ring and does the double guns to the crowd.

Frank Salazar : Introducing now, hailing from Palm Springs, California. Coming in at 5’10 and 234 pounds .... the KIT and Kaboodle!!! .... JONNIE VALENTINE!!!!

Jeremy Tucker : Look at Valentine, this is a big match and huge show and he looks ready!

Andrew Fulton : He is always ready! I may not be the biggest fan of the Society, but his standing in this industry is unparalleled! He has done it all and still here ticking, perhaps in career best form!

Jeremy Tucker : Well, I AM a huge fan of the Society, and the Kit AND Kaboodle! This is going to be a match up of epic proportions.

Andrew Fulton : Don’t speak too soon, for all we know Rick could trip over the ring ropes and break his leg and Jonnie pin him in the first minute.

Jeremy Tucker : Only you could come up with something like that.

Andrew Fulton : Thanks. And what was with that song? Danny Aeillo? Jesus H Christ.

Jeremy Tucker : I liked it and am adding it to my Spotify playlist.

Andrew Fulton : You would.

Jeremy Tucker : Referee Mike Donovan calls for the bell and this one is under way, Rockin Rick offers a hand shake which Valentine accepts, they then circle and hook up and Jonnie Irish whips Rick into the ropes, Jonnie drops down and Rick runs over him bouncing off the ropes and then Jonnie leap frogs him, Rick bounces off again and Jonnie takes him over with an arm drag. Rick jumps up and Jonnie with another arm drag. What a technician, you will struggle to see a better executed arm drag in the whole of wrestling.

Andrew Fulton : Rick bounces back to his feet again and Jonnie sends him over with a high back body drop.

Jeremy Tucker : Chicken wing bodyslam by Jonnie.

Andrew Fulton : Basement dropkick to the knee by Jonnie buckles Rick, he is floundering in there.

Jeremy Tucker : He can take a beating and keep on ticking, Jonnie with an Irish whip into the turnbuckle, Rick crashes into it chest first … half nelson release suplex by the Kit and Kaboodle!

Andrew Fulton : Jonnie with a cover ….

Jeremy Tucker : ……………. One

………………… Two

… kick out by Rick.

Andrew Fulton : Rick is in deep trouble here, he can’t get a lick of offense in!

Jeremy Tucker : Jonnie goes for a clothesline, but Rick ducks under it, and Rick with a spinning heel kick to Jonnie as he bounced off the ropes.

Andrew Fulton : Finally!

Jeremy Tucker : Rick straight onto Jonnie, levels him with a gut wrench suplex!

Andrew Fulton : Rick staying on Jonnie here, and a big scoop slam. I thought the old guy may have been done, where is he finding this Jerry?

Jeremy Tucker : Heart. The man has heart. Rick with a vertical suplex to Jonnie and he rolls over with it into a cover ………

……………… One

…………… tw … Jonnie rolls the shoulder.

Andrew Fulton : Rick goes for another suplex, but Jonnie while up in the air reverses it after a few knee strikes to Ricks head while he was up in the air.

Jeremy Tucker : Hart attack clothesline from Valentine to Owen!

Andrew Fulton : Rick rolls out of the ring and Jonnie follows him out there and rams his shoulder into the corner post.

Jeremy Tucker : Jonnie slams Ricks forearm into the guard rail, then rams his elbow into the guard rail also.

Andrew Fulton : Jonnie goes to ram Ricks head into it now, but look at this, Rick just blocked it with both arms holding the rail.

Jeremy Tucker : Rick then rams Jonnies head into the guard rail.

Andrew Fulton : That’s busted Jonnie open. Rick rolls him into the ring and bulldogs the kit and kaboodle!

Jeremy Tucker : PILEDRIVER!!! Rick Owen just piledrove Valentine! Nailed it! Cover by Rick …..

…………. One

……………… Two

………………….. THR … Kick out by Jonnie!

Andrew Fulton : Jonnie with a forearm shot to the gut of Rick. Then a slingshot suplex into a back breaker!

Jeremy Tucker : Over the shoulder backbreaker, flipped down into a double knee to the face of Rick!

Andrew Fulton : Jonnie is feeling it and the crowd are with him, these fools eating this stuff up.

Jeremy Tucker : They love him Andy. Hammerlock northern lights suplex!!! This one is all over!

Andrew Fulton : Belly to belly brainbuster ! That’s it!

Jeremy Tucker : Rick is somehow trying to get to his feet, he just wont quit …. PICTURE PERFECT DROPKICK!!! Cover now by Jonnie ……

One ……………………

Two ………………………

THREE!!!!!! Jonnie got him! Jonnie just defeated the legend Rick Owen!

Andrew Fulton : As well he should. He is in ring shape week in week out, Rick just stopping by for one last pay day.

Jeremy Tucker : Payday? For the Memorial he came here! Hats off to him for it too!

Pappa wants the best by Danny Aeillo hits and referee Mick Donovan raises the arm of Jonnie in victory.

[Blackstone]

Good ole Samuel Blackstone is seen backstage. He has a stack of bricks in front of him and appears to be building a wall.

"What the fuck, seventy five point zero zero three percent Sherry? You just like beating this fourth wall up like it's your bitch? Leave. The. Wall. Standing. I guess you do it because the wall doesn't hit back. Or you do it because, let's face it...You're a fucking hack. So, again Sixty five point zero zero zero six percent Sheila, this wall is to be left alone.

[Trent Jones MR Bones.]

Trent Jones is tossing and turning in bed. He still has Molly's parents at the house. Trent feels Molly laying next to him but he also feels another body in the king size bed. He opens his eyes and the goth girl is all cuddled up to him. Trent turns and looks at Molly and then back at her.

“Sorry Trent daddy it’s just so cold outside and I figured a big strong man like you could warm me up. I am always so cold my nips could cut glass. But now that I am warming up they are so hard I can’t help but.”

Trent quickly covers her mouth and whispers at her, “you got to be quiet and please get out of my bed molly will kill me.”

The young goth girl just licks Trents hand and she rolls out of bed and is naked. She slowly slips on her goth skirt and puts her top back on. All the while you can see Trents face just bugging out. Trent is struggling to go back to sleep so he gets up and walks into the bathroom. He splashed water on his face trying to get the image of the 18 year old goth girl naked from his mind.

Trent heads to the kitchen and he finds Michael sitting at the table with a couple cookies and a glass of milk. Trent isn’t drinking no damn milk but he grabs a bottle of water and he sits down.

“Oh hey Trent, I hope I didn’t wake you. I could have sworn I heard someone come in a while ago and then I thought I heard someone leave. what have you awakened in the middle of the night is it your next fight?”

Trent wasn’t about to tell his girlfriend’s father that some teen goth girl that may be dead was naked in bed with him. “Yeah it’s probably the match, you see I go all out and take each match seriously. I am not like Syb that forgets he has lost to me more times then I have lost to him. He forgets that I have won over everyone in his stable and yet he pretends like he has dominated over me. But what is he really supposed to do? Most of the time guys like him have to try and minimize who I am and what I have done.”


“So Trent do you really love my daughter? I know she is crazy about you. You're all she talked about when she was home and I don’t want to see her hurt again.” You could hear how serious he was.

Trent looked him in the face and said, “mike I am dead serious when I say this, I truly love your daughter and I want to make her happy. I want her to know that she can always trust me.”

Michael smiled and Trent was thinking about what he had and said and he knew it was true. Hell it was the only thing from stopping him from slamming the goth girl. Michael stood up and out his hand on Trents should and said good night. Trent noticed a light outside and he grabbed his black Let’s Parish hoody and he walked outside. Three men stood with a torch in hand standing before the graveyard.

Trent moved closer as the men dressed in black stood with their back to Trent. As Trent moved closer he could feel who they were. It was the Parish leaders, or whatever they were. Trent was moving fast just wanting to get them gone before Molly and her parents saw them and freak out.

As he got closer, “I said you guys couldn't be here when Molly and her parents were here. You got to get the fuck out of here before you mess everything up. Look, I don't need this between you and that goth girl…”

From behind him, “Did you call me Trent Daddy? I know i was a really really bad girl. Why don't you spank me?”

Trent turned quickly and see the Object of his hardcore boner earlier looking all sexy. Trent looked up at the house and then back at her and then at the three.

“I am serious you all have to go.”

“If you wish us to go we and the Parish will go but be warned we will never come back. You see we chose you, we allowed you to become one of us…”

The other two men and the goth girl all reply… “One of Us” \

“You see Trent we have been watching for a while, we were around you but yet not close enough for you to see or feel us. But yet we looked out for you. You see your lawyer and all the lawyers of the land didn't just get your case thrown out. That was the Parish that did that. But if you want we can go Trent and you can go back to the biker gang life, see how well that works out for you.”

“Trent Daddy please dont choose for us to leave, I am lonely and I need a big strong man like you to make me feel safe. Trent it was I that saved your relationship with Molly. She was freaked out by you that night that you almost buried your little midget friend. I whispered in her ear that she wanted you and that she was in love with you. I didn't want to do it for her, but I did it for you. Because you are a stronger man when you are not focused on where Molly is or where to get her from.”

“It was I that rode your bike back home when you were too drunk to drive after you won the title. You see we have been here for you, when others around you were not here for you. But if that all means nothing. We can collect the faces and move on… The choice is yours.”

Trent went to speak when the third and final guy spoke up. “Trent who do you think dug the grave and had it all set up for you… hell how do you think you even ended up as the owner of this place? Fuck man you think we just random showed up and said hey lets take in that guy?”


Fuck the three guys and this goth girl are right…. A Lot of unexplained things have happened to Trent over the last few months, hell even the year. But Trent didn't know if they were telling the truth they could be or they could be lying their asses off. Either way Trent didn't have time to talk he needed to figure out how to get them out of the site of the house. Trent turned back at the house once more and he shook his head. He knew every minute was one step closer to one of them seeing him. The goth girl moved closer to Trent. She touched his arm and grabbed it and put it on her ass. Trent wanted to squeeze it but he couldn't. He loved Molly.

Speaking of Molly, she had awoken to find her bed empty. She got up to use the bathroom and looked outside and saw something moving. She went to the guest room and checked on her parents. They were asleep. She closed their door and went to the kitchen, no Trent. She went into the church and flicked on the lights she looked around but again no Trent. She was starting to get worried. But the sun was starting to come up. She looked through the glass and could see Trent outside. Trent was outside arguing with what looked to be himself. She was worried she didn't want her parents to see this side of Trent. She opens the church door and starts making her way to trent.

Trent looks up as she is almost to him. Trent notices the three are gone and so is the Goth Girl. Trent takes a deep breath and he quickly grabs his phone. “Ok Eddie I got to go. I will catch up with you soon.” he acts like he hung it up.

“So that was Eddie D at 5:30 am…So I guess his drunk ass is just getting back to home as it is 2:30 in cali right now.”

Trent didn't want to keep the lie going so he grabs her hand and they start walking to the church. As they reach the steps he turns and looks at the three guys back. The one has his cane and is acting like its a huge dick and stroking it while the other two laugh. Trent just shakes his head.

“So Molly, we never really did talk about it but that night you and Eddie D showed up here and Ray Ray was about to be buried alive, what made you stay you went from freaked out to….”

Molly stopped what she was doing and sat down in the pew and Trent joined her. “Well I was really scared but when you stopped and buried all that dark stuff I was a little relieved but then It was like a voice was talking to me. It told me that I wanted you and that I was in love with you. It was odd because just before that I wanted to be gone from your life. You really did scare me just like when this place is decorated dark. But I get it is a part of who you are. EIther way I love you baby.”

Trent kissed Molly and the two started to get really going. They didn't hear Molly mom come in and she quickly said, “Save room for god” they all laughed.

*********************

Live at the arena


Trent is in his locker room wearing his Rally Jackson face mask. He has on black cargo pants and a black Let’s Parish Shirt. He looks around the room and he grabs his SWAT Title and he walks towards the large mirror. He seems a little shook up.

Jeremy Tucker ring side: Um, does Trent know that Black Face is bad in 2020

Andrew Fulton: This is not a race thing he has done this with each person that has lost to him.

Trent speaks finally, “Ladies and Gentleman .. Without further do There has been… wait shit … Their, THere, They’re… fuck me I never know if I am saying it the right way. I know that it personally bothers syb if I say it wrong and the stoners we have backstage transcribe everything apparently and hand it to Syb so he can read it. I have to say I am so very sorry Syb that you are having a hard time knowing what form of Their/there/They’re I am using.”

Trent adjusts the belt and smiles through the mask, “I know what if I just don't use that word… Ladies and Gentlemen without further do we have experienced one hell of a show tonight. We had Eddie D win his first single title tonight… right………….. Um out in the ring. But let's face it…….. Shit…… Lets face it we already knew he was going to win it. The rest of the locker room………… altogether worried that we are going to own it all. Oh thank god that was so hard to get through it. I hope those of you typing this out for Syb can read what I said tonight. I really don't want to add to his stress level.

The parish by Alla Xul Elu starts playing as the lights dim. Red fog starts to rise as Trent walks out still wearing Rally Jackson Face and holding the SWAT TItle. He steps through the ropes he holds up the SWAT Belt…

“I am short on time but I need you the fans to help me out, when I go to use one of those “there” words I want you to yell out what one it is I am supposed to say. Syb really is bothered by it. You see when you are losing an argument or a battle you tend to become a grammar nazi and mock the other person because well you have a small dick. But hey let's not judge him. So when I should Say There… T...H...E...R..E you yell out 1. T….H….. E...I….R you yell out 2 and Finally when i should say it as if I am saying T...H….E….Y…’...A…..R you yell out 3. Ok let's make this perfect. I mean As champion I am a role model for all the little bastards that are going to school. They should listen to me for advice on grammar not the teacher that went to school for it.”

“So here is a story about a man who wanted to take down the big nasty King. The story starts far far away way over ______________ (the fans yell 1) “ Trent Nods, “Way over THERE you see no one liked Syb not even Washed up Valentine or Rally Jackson. However these two felt very bad for Syb so they let him join _______ (The Fans yell 2 a few say 1) Trent looks around, “So they let him Join their Club. THis club was going nowhere but down but hell ________ Trying. (The fans yell 3) But hell they’re trying to not suck, but too bad they still suck.”

“I don't know about you fans but Thank you for helping me speak these words. To be honest they still all sound the same when I say them no matter how they are spelled. But hey Syb can hear the difference when he hears them. Glad that's what he is focused on because he knows he won't be winning this belt tonight. Damn Brothers In Anarchy the greatest tag team ever has two single titles… Syb you won't be changing that so just face it… call your counselor before you start banging your head on all 4 walls again next week. You seem so stressed out that the 4th wall keeps breaking under your ego. You really should look at trying to stay on this side of it. I would hate for your house to come crashing down. But I get it is your safe place. So please at least put up some of that padding stuff on the wall. Your ego can't handle much more.You see when you break the first, wnd and the 3rd wall well its just you having issues… but when you break that last wall it truly just shows how weak you are. Shit is that the right are?… either way you sound like a bitch and I am going to make you my bitch tonight.”

[Lucky Linda]

“Howdy SWAT! Top of the morning to ya.” We see Lucky Linda La Fey standing alongside a street sign, the shot pans up and the sign reads Elm St. Linda is wearing her “fight the power” t-shirt.



“So, the day has finally come. After all this time, I finally get my hands on Zoran Sonofabitch” Linda glares through the lens, her eyes piercing a hole into Zoran’s black heart. “This man, he has been a blight on the Federation for too long. Fleecing the companies and MY funds. Using our show to promote HIMSELF! Running roughshod over the whole office and taking out anyone who stood in his way. Them pencil pushing suits, they couldn’t defend themselves, that is not who they are, that is why they work in the office, it was easy for a bully like Zoran to walk all over them. “

“You know who can stand up for themselves though?” asks Linda. “And for others? ME! Lucky Linda La Fey! I can not and will NOT sit by and watch the likes of him bring SWAT down. Miss using his political influence to his own advantage. Pocketing who knows how much money from the coffers of MY HOME SWAT! That’s right punk, MY HOME!” Linda snarls at the screen.

“So, how do you beat a snake in the grass politician, who tries to spin everything to make himself look like some kind of angel? Who uses MY NAME as a reason to fire hard working members of SWAT? Who holds back fairly earned prize money and shows up in my match for the X Crown with Caffrey? I had that wimp beaten, he was toast, and then, instead of pinning him, I chose to beat the hell out of you Zoran, and I would make the same choice every single time! What did you do? Try and STAB ME! You are a disgrace! A Disgrace to the whole of SWAT!”

Linda looks to camera two. “And then you try and hide behind your office, making all these hoops for me to jump through to get my hands on you. Put up my two million prize money. In a haunted house with mystery partners. Thinking you are stacking the deck. You got it! Like I said though, how do you beat a snake in the grass politician, you beat him at his own game! So I accepted your conditions and I jumped through your hoops. Then, I went ABOVE YOUR HEAD!”

“What happened after I did that Zoran?” Linda asks, musing, tapping her chin with her finger. “Oh that’s right. You gave me my money INSTANTLY! You didn’t like that. Did you? Having someone go over your head. It’s your own fault. I would never have thought of it had you not kept complaining of higher up managments input into the company. Then, a light bulb went off in my head. He isn’t the be all and end all around here he thinks he is. One phone call, and whatta ya know, WHAMMO! You cave like a school kid who just got threatened with no tv for the night if he didn’t finish his super.” Linda looks to the left camera. “Eat your vegetables kids, they are good for you.” Linda grins to the camera.

“So, here we are. A haunted house. Mystery partners. Soooo scary.” Linda waves her hands mockingly in front of her face. “You thinking you have all the answers, that you have stacked the deck in your favor. Paul is busy at the Memorial. I couldn’t select him as my partner, sooo clever of you. I know he has his own battles to fight, and he knows I have mine. I have never needed or relied on him before, and I am not reliant on him or anyone else. Radu my SWAT Classic brother is booked also, bravo, good move. I have a partner though. Truth be told, my phone was LIT UP with people wanting to get their hands on you and to be my partner. Not because you are this soooo over guy either they just want to be seen in the ring / house with. No, because you are a slimy stinking no good piece of garbage!”

“Who wouldn’t want to slap you around some.” Linda smiles.

“While I have you all here SWAT! I have spoken to the SWAT higher ups … you know, the ones ABOVE you Zoran who made you pay up the money owed to me” Linda winks. “And starting at the next Battleground! I am making an OPEN CHALLENGE! To any woman who wants a shot at my Amazons title! Come on down! I will take on all takers!”

“So MR Final Boss. You got to ask yourself a question. Do you feel lucky. Do you feel lucky enough to not only walk into the haunted house with me, but to walk out? Well? Do ya? Punk?’

[SWAT Team]

(The show returns from commercials for Timeless Alex Turner's and Roxylishus's reality television show, Fall TV previews, Atlanta's Tourist Bureau, as well as spots for SWAT's upcoming shows and SWAT's first videogame before fading into testimonials honoring both Reginald P. Packer and Adrian Tanner by both current and former SWAT competitors before fading to ringside where ringsiders are holding signs saying "Time's Up Turner!," "A Tip O' the Caffrey Cup!," "You're not Timeless Turner!" and "DeCaffreynated!" before fading to the broadcast booth where Jeremy Tucker and Andrew Fulton are wearing SWAT logo masks and headsets.)

Jeremy Tucker: "Welcome back to the Packer/Tanner Memorial Tribute and we've been hearing from current and former SWAT and Hardkore World alumni paying tribute to these two great icons."

Andrew Fulton: "SWAT always provides memories despite what these ingrates think . Hell, SWAT made stars out of nobodies and SWAT also put together better matches on than many of these other feds with the exception of the old Hardkore World. Now answer this question about wearing this damned mask."

Jeremy Tucker: "You mean wearing this mask because it's required by law."

Andrew Fulton: "Hell if I have to wear this damned thing I'll be mistaken for a surgeon. On second thought at least I'll be making a fortune and enjoying time on the links."

Jeremy Tucker: "Or in a courtroom getting sued for malpractice."

Andrew Fulton: "I'll be out of the country by then."

Jeremy Tucker: "No surprise there. Anyway, back to this match which has all the makings of a true Tribute Show classic that even Packer would have loved to have made if he was alive today. Tanner would have loved to have participated if he had lived."

Andrew Fulton: "Too bad it's a Loser Leaves SWAT Match no Tanner would have been forced to retire from SWAT. Lucky for us Anthony Caffrey will be out of SWAT and out of everyone's hair for good."

Jeremy Tucker: "Not if Anthony has anything to say about it and he's going to have plenty to say about it."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah and Timeless Alex Turner will also have plenty to say about what Anthony did to his prized car. Hell he spent a fortune on that car which happens to be a classic I might add and Timeless plans on taking it all out on Caffrey's ass."

Jeremy Tucker: "Well the stakes are quite high when these two meet to settle their differences once and for all and both walk in with their careers on the line and one of them will lose their career in SWAT. Right now let's go to the ring for the introductions for this highly anticipated match as these two titans clash."

Frank Salazar: "This match is scheduled for one fall and it's a Loser Leaves SWAT Match. Introducing first from New Hope, Minn. He comes in at 6'3" and weighs in at 262lbs. he is accompanied by Foxy Roxylishus and is a member of The KGB … he is Sir Winsalot. Please welcome Timeless Alex Turner."

(Orion-Eternity [Chill Out Version] and Tuner struts down the aisle, glaring at the crowd with contempt and disgust. Roxylishus stops to interact with one in the crowd, then wretches and turns away heading to the ring, She gets upon the apron and holds the ropes down for Turner.)

(Roxylishus grabs the mic and hands it to Turner.)

Timeless: "I got passion in my pants and I'm not afraid to show it!"

Crowd: "I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!"

Timeless: "NO! (Holding his hand up to block them.) YOU'RE NOT! I (He points to himself with his thumb) AM!"

(Timeless drops the mic and saunters smugly around the ring impressed with himself.)

Andrew Fulton: "Now that's a real man compared to that Philly geek."

Frank Salazar: "Now introducing from 'The Greatest Sports Town in America' and 'The City of Brotherly Love Philadelphia, Pa.' He is the former X-Crown Champion and coming in at 6'4" and weighing in at 224lbs. Please welcome 'The Savior of SWAT' and 'The Wrestling Emperor' Anthony Caffrey."

(The arena lights go off and the fans immediately launch into a roaring pop at the sounds of Fall Out Boys "My songs Know What You Did in the Dark." And the sight of their former X-Crown Champion. Anthony Caffrey takes a few moments to stand up at the top of the ramp, looking those in the Caffrey Corner before heading down to the ring. He is wearing his mask that has the X-Crown on it for safety, and his tights read "Caff" on the back.)

(Once Caffrey stops looking to the cheering fans, he locks eyes with the opposition. He does not break with tonight's opponent as he walks with a laser focus--sat least until he gets to the ring steps. He reaches down and taps his ankle before pointing at his opponent. He makes a simple motion to mime breaking it in half as if his opponents ankle was a simple wishbone. The crowd join in on the motion, knowing the veteran technician has a deep list of broken ankles in his history.)

(Caffrey steps into the ring and moves past his opponent, handing his glasses off to the timekeeper.)

(He looks back at his opponent and does a few last minute stretches, knowing he's in for a battle.)

Jeremy Tucker: "By their expressions and the looks in their eyes both are quite intense and determined."

Andrew Fulton: "Hell they want to tear each other apart and who can blame them."

Jeremy Tucker: "For both of these men it's not just business anymore it's become personal."

Andrew Fulton: "Well wrecking Timeless's one of a kind ride was the last straw."

Jeremy Tucker: "Timeless started it by costing Caffrey the X-Crown Championship."

Andrew Fulton: "That was my favourite part."

Jeremy Tucker: "The bell rings and this match is underway. They cautiously approach the center of the ring and lock up manoeuvring for an advantage which they fail to do. They break and tie up again still manoeuvring for position."

Andrew Fulton: "Timeless gains a brief edge and Caffrey regains the advantage. They reach the ropes and the referee calls for the break. Timeless pats Caffrey on the chest before patting him on the cheek and then ruffles his hair like the dog he really is. Timeless dares Caffrey to come after him."

Jeremy Tucker: "That was despicable and disrespectable and typical Timeless."

Andrew Fulton: "As well he should."

Jeremy Tucker: "Since when was Timeless ever nice to anyone."

Andrew Fulton: "He was always nice to Joe Pesci."

Jeremy Tucker: "Who else was he nice to besides you and Roxylishus."

Andrew Fulton: "Our esteemed Komissar Zoran."

Jeremy Tucker: “Sometimes. Anthony and Timeless lock up again and once again they manoeuvre for an advantage in the corner. The referee warns Caffrey to back off and he smiles before patting Turner hard and then pats him on his head and then ruffles his hair and shoving Alex's face before backing off and daring him to do something about it."

Andrew Fulton: "That was totally uncalled for and the referee should warn him not to do that ever again."

Jeremy Tucker: "Anthony's proving that two can play that game. Turner and Caffrey are in each other's faces jaw jacking each other before they begin exchanging lefts. Turner whips Caffrey into the ropes and he dropkicks Caffrey."

Andrew Fulton: "What a dropkick it was too Turner does it again and a third time sending Caffrey out of the ring. Turner follows him out and he whips him into the security guard railing and then into the ring post."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner's dominating Caffrey in the early going. Timeless whips Caffrey into the opposite ringpost but Caffrey reverses it and sends Turner into the ringpost. He charges and delivers a clothesline sending himself and Turner over the ringsteps onto the hard concrete floor."

Andrew Fulton: "Anthony mounts and he grounds and pounds Turner before throwing him back unceremoniously into the ring. He re enters the ring and starts stomping on Turner's leg and we all know what that means."

Jeremy Tucker: "It means that Turner's career in SWAT is in serious jeopardy and is about to end."

Andrew Fulton: "Very funny. It means that Caffrey's attempting to end Turner's career in SWAT by crippling him."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey starts working on Turner's good leg and Roxylishus is showing her concern. She shouts unwomanly expletives about unmentionable things and body parts at Caffrey who gives her the double bird while mouthing something that angers Roxylishus."

Andrew Fulton: "Caffrey just pissed off Roxylishus like his pissed off Brad Swann in Night of Champions. Caffrey attempts to execute a step over toehold but Turner rolls him up into a small package for a close two count. Turner diving clotheslines Caffrey."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner mounts Caffrey and returns the ground and pound without any mercy, he forces Turner over and returns the ground and pound again. Let the bad blood continue to flow."

Andrew Fulton: "That's going to be a definite during this match. They rollout of the ring and continue to brawl all over the ringside area."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner whips Caffrey into the ringpost face first and clotheslines him hard. He does it again and charges in but Caffrey gets out of the way and Turner's arm crashes hard into that ringpost. Now Caffrey smashes that arm into the ringpost repeatedly before he rolls Turner back into the ring."

Andrew Fulton: "From one part of Turner to another which proves that Caffrey's attempting to cripple poor Turner. He wraps that arm around the ropes and is wrenching it without mercy until the referee forces him to break it up. Caffrey leaves the ring and looks under the ring apron and finds a 2x4 and returns to the ring with it."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey starts beating Turner and you can bet Caffrey's enjoying himself."

Andrew Fulton: "He's a complete sadist and we both know it."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner's had it coming to him for some time and nobody's going to shed a tear for Turner's plight. Caffery begins working on those ribs with that 2x4 before he tosses it aside."

Andrew Fulton: "Caffrey attempts an abdominal stretch but Timeless counters with a hiptoss. He waits for Caffrey to get up and delivers a series of roundhouse clubbing blows. He calls out to Roxylishus who looks under the ring apron and pulls out a chair."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner grabs the chair and he starts beating Caffrey in the back and then over the head. Caffrey's busted open as Turner sets the chair down and positions him and sets Caffrey up for a suplex and executes it perfectly."

Andrew Fulton: "Turner whips Caffrey into the ropes and executes a beautiful belly to belly suplex onto that chair and makes the cover....One....Two....No! Caffrey kicks out and he saves his hopeless SWAT career."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner orders Roxyishus to throw in another chair which she does and he sets it up along with the other chair and positions Caffrey and he executes an exploder suplex. Now Roxylishus throws in a Kendo stick as Turner makes the cover....One....
two....No! Caffrey kicks out again."

Andrew Fulton: "Looks like Turner just turned the tables on Caffrey and took control of the match. He turns the tables on 'The Wrestling Emperor' using that Kendo stick. he busts open Caffery's head open and he's bleeding badly. Alex just goes behind Caffrey and he places that Kendo stick into Caffrey's mouth and pulls backwards using his knee in Caffrey's back for leverage choking him."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee warns him and Turner waits for the last second to release the hold. Turner still seems to be favouring that arm and leg and he tries to shake some life into those two appendages."

Andrew Fulton: "Appen what?"

Jeremy Tucker: "His arm and leg."

Andrew Fulton: "Be specific and don't use technical terms."

Jeremy Tucker: "I forgot elementary school was your highest grade and even that's questionable."

Andrew Fulton: "What?!"

Jeremy Tucker: "Never mind."

Andrew Fulton: "I'll tell the KGB on you. Turner stomps a mudhole into Caffrey's mid-section. He gets into Caffrey's face before slapping him as Roxylishus cheers and urges him on."

Jeremy Tucker: "Stand by your man even if he loses and is forced to wrestle in another fed. Turner now whips Caffrey into the ropes and delivers a stiff knee strike."

Andrew Fulton: "Turner finds the 2x4 and beats Caffrey with it. He attempts a step over toehold of his own but Caffrey returns the favor with a roll up of his own for a close two count."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner diving dropkicks Caffrey but he's still favouring that leg. He picks up Caffrey and he bodyslams him with authority. Turner struggles to get to the top rope as Caffrey is back to his feet and stumbles over and crotches Turner."

Andrew Fulton : "Caffrey pounds on Turner and Frankensteiners him off the top rope. Both are down as the referee counts them as both are slowly stirring. They slowly get up and Turner attempts to kick Caffrey who catches Alex's foot . He attempts an enziguiri but misses and Caffrey dodges some wild lefts."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey dragonscrews Turner and cinches in an anklelock working on that bad leg. Turner's in pain and he's screaming and struggling to get to the ropes but Caffrey's preventing him from getting there."

Andrew Fulton: "Don't give up Timeless! Don't let your SWAT career end at the hands of this skinny geek! Caffrey continues to wrench that leg before transitioning to a leg bar making that leg worse."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee is asking if he wants to tap out but Timeless refuses. He finally reaches the ropes and the referee counts and Caffrey waits until the last minute and releases the hold and backs off shrugging at the referee nonchalantly."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah that's proof that Caffrey wants to cripple Timeless Alex Turner. Caffrey drops a series of elbows on that leg before stomping on it relentlessly."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey's a master in submissions and he's showing why he's an expert. He cinches in a kneebar and Turner's face is now showing nothing short of agony. He slowly inches his way to the ropes as the referee checks on Turner. Roxylishus pulls Alex to the ropes while the referee is still checking on Turner."

Andrew Fulton: "So what if she did it. I thank her for saving her man since thats what a real valet or manager does and that includes Javier. Caffrey continues until the referee counts and he releases the hold at the last minute. Alex struggles to get up with help with the ropes as Caffrey charges but Turner pulls the ropes down sending him over the top and onto the hard concrete floor."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner still struggles to get back to his feet using the ropes for leverage. He waits and tries to kick Caffrey, who catches that bad leg. Caffrey drags Turner to the ringpost and smashes that bad leg repeatedly."

Andrew Fulton: "Oh no. Caffrey's signaling that he's real hungry now and cinches in Soft Philly Lock. Caffrey has it in tight and Turner's screaming and kicking trying to get loose as Roxylishus rushes over to try and get her man loose as the referee counts."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey releases the Soft Pretzel Lock and continues to work on that bad leg. He continues to stomp on that bad leg and attempts to cinch in a figure four leg lock but Turner kicks him away."

Andrew Fulton: "What a case of deja vu and irony that two shows ago Turner was doing the samething to Eddie D. Now Caffrey's turned the tables on Timeless Alex Turner. Roxylishus slips a can of mace into the ring and Turner sprays some into the face of Caffrey."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner clotheslines Caffrey and is barely standing. He tries to get some life back into that leg again and can't follow up if he can barely do it at all. Roxylishus just tosses an icepick into the ring and he starts carving up Caffrey's head."

Andrew Fulton: "Turner delivers vicious elbows to Caffrey's head with a vengeance. He attempts to piledrive Caffrey but his leg is still in bad shape."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner is limping badly as Roxylishus hands him a crutch and Alex limps over to Caffrey and beats him over the head and body before he starts beating him in the ribs and arm."

Andrew Fulton: "Alex is obviously making an example of Caffrey as a warning to both him and the rest of the SWAT locker room that you don't mess with him or his car or the KGB. Timeless again attempts to shake some life into his bad leg. He tells Roxy to find him a table and she looks around and finds one."

Jeremy Tucker: "Roxy and Timeless slide the table into the ring and he has trouble trying to set it up in the corner. Now Alex asks for some barbed wire and she looks under the ring and finds a spool which she gives him and he wraps it around the table."

Andrew Fulton: "Alex wants his pound of flesh and then some. He whips Caffrey into that table hard and Caffrey is screaming in agony which only gets worse after Timeless spears him further into that broken table."

Jeremy Tucker: "Alex rips Anthony from that barbed wire wrapped table and his back is bleeding badly. Turner asks and receives another spool of barbed wire and his back is turned as Caffrey struggles to get up and he chopblocks Turner in the back of his bad leg."

Andrew Fulton: "Desperation move by a really desperate man. Caffrey delivers a curb stomp and makes the cover.....One....Two....Th...No! Turner barely got his shoulder up and barely saved his SWAT career."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey unspools that barbed wire and wraps it around Turner's head and places his knee into his back before pulling back. Now Turner's bleeding badly and Caffrey continues to spill Alex's blood until he rips the barbed wire off Turner's head. Both men are a complete and bloody mess."

Andrew Fulton: "More like a complete and utter gore fest in the ring. Caffrey just picked up the icepick and he's carving up Turner's head. He takes Alex over to the corner and smashes his head repeatedly into the turnbuckle before wrapping his bad leg around the middle ring rope and cinches in a shin lock."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee counts and Caffrey releases the hold at the last second only to do it again as Alex screams in pain and Caffrey releases the hold again and backs off. The referee checks on Alex to see if he's able to continue but he refuses to give up. Anthony continues to smell blood, literally and continues to work on that bad leg."

Andrew Fulton: "Like keep saying he's attempting to cripple Alex Turner and end his impeccable SWAT career which is a stellar one I might add. Anthony looks like a maniac which combined with his bloodied face and head would make even Psychotic Goth envious and jealous of Caffrey. Anthony resumes working on that bad leg of Timeless."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey drags Turner by the leg out of the corner, but Turner connects this time with a surprise enzigiuri kick. Alex barely drags Caffrey to the corner and struggles to get to the top rope."

Andrew Fulton: "Turner launches himself and connects with the knee of his bad leg to Caffrey's head. He makes the cover and hooks the leg for the victory....One...Two....Th....No! Caffrey gets an arm up to save his useless SWAT career."

Jeremy Tucker: "Turner's face is practically etched in pain and disbelief and who could blame him since he had Caffrey right here he wanted him."

Andrew Fulton: "Who can blame Timeless when he had Anthony beat, but that dumb referee was slow counting as usual."

Jeremy Tucker: "The referee was dong a normal count and we both know it."

Andrew Fulton: "Says you. Timeless can barely stand as he picks up Caffrey. He attempts a bodyslam but Caffrey floats over and chopblocks Turner again. before dragging him to the center of the ring which spells bad news for Timeless."

Jeremy tucker: "You're correct on that part since Caffrey just restarted The Process which is bad news for Timeless. The referee is checking on Timeless and seeing if he's in any condition to continue but Turner still refuses to submit."

Andrew Fulton: "That's because Turner's a real man who won't give up, especially to someone who's inferior like Caffrey. Caffrey once again grapevines that bad leg and tightens The Process and continues to increase the pressure. Turner's face is a real intense mask of pain."

Jeremy Tucker: "How long can Turner hold on and continue on with the match is anyone's guess. Turner makes his way to the ropes and Roxylishus uses the referee's checking of Timeless to grab his arm and place his hand on the ropes, but it could be too late since Turner's leg looks in bad shape."

Andrew Fulton: "I hate to admit it Jerry but I have to agree with you a hundred percent. Caffrey continues to work on that leg by standing on that leg and delivering stiff kicks until the referee forces him off. Alex continues to struggle to get up but falls to one leg as the referee is ready to call the match but Alex refuses to allow him to do so."

Jeremy Tucker: "Caffrey executes an atomic drop on that knee, but instead of releasing it he does it again and a third and fourth time. He dragonscrews that leg again and once again puts The Process in place again."

Andrew Fulton: "Alex is trying to get to the ropes again but he's not moving. Roxy's concerned and is attempting to urge Alex on but he looks like he's not in any shape to do so. He raises his hand which is shaking badly."

Jeremy Tucker: "Timeless screams in pain and agony and he finally slaps his hand on the mat to tap out before the referee can call an end to the match. Anthony releases The Process and slowly struggles to his feet."

Frank Salazar: "Your winner at 25mins and 20seconds Anthony Caffrey. Timeless Alex Turner and Roxylishus must leave SWAT."

Jeremy Tucker: "In what could be Match of the Year Candidate for both the XHF and SWAT Timeless Alex Turner and Anthony Caffrey put on a great match, Reginald P. Packer and Adrian Tanner would have enjoyed this one, in the end Turner submitted to Caffey."

Andrew Fulton: "You hear the fans singing and chanting over Alex's career ending match. That's undignified and insulting to a real great man who's Hall of Fame bound if it wasn't for Anthony Caffrey beating him."

Jeremy Tucker: "That's true Andrew. Timeless has had some brutal battles and they were quite memorable during a storied career. He's going out with his head held quite high. There was no shame in tapping out to the former X-Crown Champion."

Andrew Fulton: "Yeah but not time this with everyone mocking poor Timeless and Roxylishus. That's sick and arrogant and most of all rubbing it in. Speaking of which look at what Caffrey's doing."

Jeremy Tucker: "All Anthony is doing is going over with his hand raised to shake Turner's hand in sportsmanship. He's speaking to Timeless still wanting to shake his hand like a true sportsman, but Turner and Roxylishus are ignoring him and leave the ring."

Andrew Fulton: "Good for them. Turner's getting help, who's already summoned the medics despite Turner refusing their assistance. Roxylishus finally convinces him to accept their assistance. What a truly proud man Timeless Alex Turner really is."

Jeremy Tucker: "Alex fought valiantly, however tonight was Caffrey's night and 'The Wrestling Emperor' is standing tall in the ring soaking up the cheers and chants as well. Right now we have to take a break but we'll return with more great SWAT action after these messages."

(They fade to commercials.)

[mosler]

Lets talk about my opponent tonight.

Karen.

Ze living embodiment of entitlement...

Karen.

You should all go out and buy her merchandise.

Silly Karen.

Are you a SWAT executive or a SWAT employee? Me? I’m corporate. When I tell ze graphic design department to create a specific image, I have ze rights to use all ze wrestlers who work for me. Do I work for you? No. Are you able to use my image to sell your T-shirts? No. I am fine with ze XHF Network featuring me to promote SWAT, but what YOU DID is less about SWAT and more about you.

So while I can create a T-shirt with your image with ze line, “For a Good Time Call La Fey” and I would be within my managerial rights, what you did? Gross. Is it alright for Psychotic Goth to make derogatory Frostbite action figures? Nah. So zat’s a little unethical.

Just in case you’ve lost ze plot, Karen – you are currently being taught BASIC business ethics by ze “evil” commissioner. 

So it is already a pretty slippery slope, but lets continue. You have ze graphic department pull it off to your specifications. You waste zeir time, company time. Zey did a very good job. Top notch work, gang, but what did you have zem make?

Me in a rifle sight? 

A target? 

You take a person you dislike in ze confines of a wrestling ring, and encourage assault with a deadly weapon. “Do you like Karen? Then go out and shoot Zoran Sainovic! He cheats at wrestling, he deserves to die.” Beyond being in incredibly poor taste, its actionable, asinine, and incredibly dangerous.

I guess actions don’t matter if zey make you look cool.

You’re so cool, Karen.

But wait – zere is more.

Fight ze Power.

Like ze popular rap group, Public Enemy.

Nice reference. Very trendy.

Only – wasn’t Chuck D drawing attention to ze poor treatment of African Americans? Do you see your treatment by me – a man who wants you to focus on ze Amazon division zat you are the champion of, as being similar to the plight of Black citizens dealing with systemic racism and police brutality? Fascinating.

Oh Karen, you are such a Lucky Linda.

You should work on your timing zough. Given what a hot topic cultural misappropriation and racial sensitivity is at ze moment, even by your standards ze entitlement is impressive. I would order a lot of sensitivity training for you, but who am I kidding, Karen? We all know you’re perfect just ze way you are.

See I am supposed to be ze villain of our little piece. I shouldn’t have to try zis hard to be the bad guy.

I would wish you good luck, Karen, but I don’t zink you need it. It’s almost like life owed you.

[SWAT Team]

A dilapidated mansion stands atop a lonely hill, peaking out of a heavy fog. As foreboding as the structure is, the bright red eyes that watch from the surrounding wooded area make it look surprisingly inviting.


Jeremy Tucker: What a menacing looking set. Poor Liz from accounting has been trapped in there for a week!


Andrew Fulton: She is definitely dead. Along with her ghost, who knows what kind of ghastly tricks Zoran has loaded it up with!


Jeremy Tucker: The appearance of that mansion can only mean that we have reached our epic tag match of the evening.


Andrew Fulton: This is going to be something else.


Jeremy Tucker: A Haunted House match. Back at SWAT’s Helloween Cup 2017 we saw Vile “Vince” Viper defeat Syberus, Soutter, and Kilroy Evans in such a match to win all of the late Adrian Tanner’s worldly possessions. It’s taken the better part of three years for that atrocity to manifest itself again-


Andrew Fulton: Leave it to Zoran to bring it back.


Jeremy Tucker: Zoran has put his Z*Crown on the line – so there are at least 22 SWAT championships lying around inside there, and Lucky Linda has matched it with her 2 million dollar No Man’s Land winnings. We’ve been promised that there are other treasures scattered around. Like all Zoran matches, we’re kind of unclear as to how the match is won until he decides that he has. As far as I can tell, you have to retrieve the prize, and then exit with it.


Andrew Fulton: But that is not all!


Jeremy Tucker: No. On top of the two being trapped in there, this is also a DREAM partner match.


Andrew Fulton: Zoran’s way of burning Linda for picking Frostbite for Team SWAT and letting down her girl squad at Call To Arms. Both will pick a tag partner to watch their backs.


Jeremy Tucker: But beyond the Z*Crown, who could you actually TRUST not to stab you in the back for two million dollars?


Andrew Fulton: I’d trust you, Jeremy.


Jeremy Tucker: That’s the long con for you.


Rain starts to beat down, hurrying the cameraman up a precarious pathway to the grim structure.

DEEP VOICED ANNOUNCER:

YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN ENTERED THE WORLD OF SURVIVAL HORROR!

As the front door creeks open, a skeleton drops down from the ceiling.


Skeleton: WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!


The cheap audio is loud enough to register pain. The videographer jumps, not so much startled as visibly hurt. Strings carry the plastic skeleton up to the ceiling, for the next person foolish enough to enter this haunted house.


Ghosts walk the hallways.


Ghost #3: BOooooooooooooOoooooooo!


One of the ghosts bumps their knee on a table.


Ghost #2: OUCH.


Ghost #3 (trying to keep up kayfabe for the camera): That’s how he died.


Ghost #2: I can’t see anything in these damned sheets.


Ghost #7: We look more like Klansmen than ghosts in these stupid white sheets.


Ghost #10: Whose idea was it to use this much starch? The heads are all pointy.


Ghost # 3: I wanted us to look our best. It is pay per view.


“Registered Sex Offender” Frank Wilkes (taking off his Ghost #4 sheet): If my parole officer sees me dressed like this, it will not go over well. I don’t know about the rest of you, but this seems like a lot more trouble than it’s worth.


“RSO” Frank Wilkes turns to leave.






BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Ghost # 3 (to camera): Boooooo - What was that? Boo! The House screaming in pain?


Ghost # 10: Frank just stood on a damned landmine.


Satan: I zink you’ll find escape quite impossible.


Walking down the foyer staircase, which looks a LOT like the mansion from the first Resident Evil game, Zoran Sainovic is decked out in a bright red Devil costume.


“Bigamist” Jonathan Smith (pulling off his ghost #10 sheet): Screw this. I signed up for a quick buck to add atmosphere, not to risk losing a limb.


The Bigamist pulls open the front door.


Skeleton: WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!


Dog wearing plastic hat that makes him look like Cerberus: WOOF!


The Bigamist quickly pulls the door shut as a guard dog tries to enter from the outside. The force is enough to force the beast back, so Smith avoids getting mauled.


Zoran Sainovic: No one is getting out of here until I have safely secured zat money. As for any TRICKS zat have been hidden in ze floorboards, zose are just to keep you honest. Speaking of hidden, where did you place ze prizes?


Ghost # 5: Frank was in charge of hiding them.


The camera pans over to “RSO” Frank Wilkes, bloody, smoking, burnt, and thoroughly unconscious.


Zoran Sainovic: Frank just inspires trust. Well wake him up!


Victoria Bitter Boy (removing his ghost #12 sheet): Crickey. He’s out like a light. Looks like he needs real medical attention.


Zoran Sainovic: So we have no idea where ze money is?!


An awkward silence.


Ghost #3: BoooooooOOOOooooooooooooo.


Zoran Sainovic: Somebody hit him. Zis is serious! We need to find my belts before Linda and her sad friend arrive!


A few of the other SWAT Backyard talent remove their sheets, with Bad Boy Briggs sucker punching the IN-character ghost.


Fosters Beer Man: Hang on, waus in it for us, mate?


Zoran Sainovic: SWAT will give a ten percent finders fee for all objects collected by non-match participants.


That is enough to incentivize the homeless ghost brigade. Victoria Bitter Boy drops the remains of Frank Wilkes onto a bear trap. A spooky bear trap.


Zoran Sainovic: Zat’s more like it-


Skeleton: WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!


“I see you felt you needed a lot of help.”


Lucky Linda La Fey steps into the Haunted House.


Zoran Sainovic: You wound me, Linda. See I don’t need an army to deal with you little girl. I’m a LOT more zoughtful zan zat.


One of the stereo foam caskets that decorate the front vestibule swings open.


*MEGA POP*


Jeremy Tucker: Is that-


Andrew Fulton: The Daredevil!!!


Jeremy Tucker: AVERY MCCULLEN!!!!!!!!!


Andrew Fulton: Talk about ghosts from the past! Linda La Fey’s long time tag team partner!


Jeremy Tucker: The Irish Bomb Angels were one of the most dominant tag teams in the history of SWAT. Even though it didn’t end on the greatest of terms, I figured Avery would be Linda’s top pick for this match!


Andrew Fulton: I’m sure Zoran did too – which is why Zoran signed her first!


Jeremy Tucker: Before Linda can respond, Avery is on her with a series of vicious knife-edge chops.


Zoran Sainovic: See Linda, of ze many baubles I hid in zis mansion – one of zem was a SWAT contract. Given how you ended Avery’s career, it only seemed fitting zat I give her ze opportunity to win it back.


Laughing, Zoran turns from the wrestling match, joining the Backyard wrestlers in searching for treasure.


Jeremy Tucker: After dropping a loser leaves town match it seemed that Avery had buried the hatchet with Linda, but their rivalry seems as heated as ever as they trade forearm smashes.


Andrew Fulton: The economy is tight right now. I don’t care if Avery is Linda’s best friend, this is her big chance to get back in. McCullen with a hard kick to the knee, now charging over for a shining wizard – no, Linda matrixing under it!


Jeremy Tucker: Linda goes for an Irish suplex, no, Avery turning it into a German suplex – NO! Linda putting the breaks on, the two jockeying over necklocks. They know each other so well.


Andrew Fulton: I was expecting a heavily gimmicked ultra violent brawl to act as a pallet cleanser between the mat classic of Caffrey Timeless and the world title fight. Definitely didn’t expect a wrestling match to break out.


Jeremy Tucker: This was going to be nothing if not unpredictable. Irish whip by Avery, reversed into an Irish whip by Lucky Linda that sends her crashing into a mirror! Seven
years bad luck!


Andrew Fulton: Linda running up the stairs, diving over the balcony with the Lucky Dip!!!!


! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


Jeremy Tucker: MISSED!!! Linda hitting the marble floor of the main hall hard!


Andrew Fulton: Avery now leaping onto the handrail – and diving off, FALL FROM GRACE!!!!!!!!


Jeremy Tucker: Linda now rolling out of the way. They know each other so well!


Andrew Fulton: Linda trying to slap on an Irish Cloverleaf, but Avery spinning the leg – OVER THE MOOR! That is locked in tight! Even if the Amazon champion taps, submissions have nothing to do with this match. Avery is going to break her ankle!


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda reaching out, trying to find anything to break that lock. Side table! Cracks Avery in the back with that side table! A second shot breaks the table and the hold. Wait, what’s that?


Andrew Fulton: A piece of paper fell out of the desk. Could that be the SWAT contract that Avery desperately covets?


Jeremy Tucker: Avery holding her back in pain, but snatching the piece of paper.



















Jeremy Tucker: ...A $25 dollar gift card to Applebees.


Andrew Fulton: I’m starting to think the other treasures hidden in the mansion might not be that good.


Jeremy Tucker: Well that is twenty five dollars of Linda’s money accounted for, only one million nine hundred and ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and seventy five dollars to go.


Andrew Fulton: Can you imagine how many deep-fried pickles you could get with that kind of money?


Jeremy Tucker: An Irish Destroyer attempt by Linda is turned into a spear by Avery, which send both crashing through a side door into the art gallery.


Andrew Fulton: Art Gallery, how big is this damned Mansion?


Jeremy Tucker: Avery SMASHES a copy of Henry Fuseli’s Nightmare over Linda’s head! Before she can say that she framed her, Linda firing off a headbutt that knocks Avery back into a crushed velvet piece of a sad eyed clown. The clown reaching out of the painting and strangling Avery!


Andrew Fulton: JESUS! The horror aspects aren’t consistent, but I’m definitely not expecting them.


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda punching the guy in the clown painting out. Are the other painting starring at them?


Andrew Fulton: Linda with an eye gouge on another painting!


Rajiv Khan: ARGH MY EYES!


Jeremy Tucker: Avery and Linda avoiding each other for a minute to deal with this booby trap. ZORK Nontext dressed as a Gnue slumps out of his painting hole, dropping another object on the ground.


Andrew Fulton: Is it...


Jeremy Tucker: An expired coupon for Bass Pro Shops.


Andrew Fulton: Think of the value!


Jeremy Tucker: Having dispatched the evil paintings, Linda and Avery about to start tussling over a headlock again, when they notice all the feathers on the floor.


Sinister Crows: Caw.



Jeremy Tucker: As the crows start to swoop down, The Irish Bomb Angels make a run for the door.


Rajiv Khan: Please to be saving m-AAAAAARGH!!!


Andrew Fulton: That was cold, blinding Rajiv so he’d distract the man-eating murder.


Jeremy Tucker: Both Linda and Avery out into the main corridor – closing the door to the art gallery behind them. Danger over, they once again tussle.


Zoran Sainovic: Any luck?


Coming down from the second floor, Zoran drags a burlap sack full of pornographic lithographs, or blackmail material – looking like an X-rated Santa.


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda firing Avery off with a shoulder block!


Lucky Linda La Fey: It must be frightening wandering this place alone. Why don’t I introduce you to MY partner!


Skeleton: WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!


As the front door swings open, Zoran Sainovic turns as pale as a ghost.


Zoran Sainovic: How could you.




*MONSTER POP*



Jeremy Tucker: The Industrial Man! The Industrial Man!! Attila Balan was the longest reigning international champion in the history of our company. The only reason he lost the title was because his manager screwed him out of it! The manager? THAT MAN, Zoran Sainovic!


Andrew Fulton: I haven’t seen the real I-Man in years. Zoran had a fake one working for him, but to bring Balan back to SWAT? Have they even spoken since Zoran stole his title? Top marks to Linda for getting I-Man! I hate that bucket of bolts, but Zoran looks like he’s going to be sick!


Jeremy Tucker: Balan has his optical sensors locked on Sainovic. He might move with the speed of a man doing the robot, but when he makes it to Sainovic, the commissioner is in for a world of hurt!


Andrew Fulton: Sainovic begging off – and Linda looks like the cat that has caught the canary.


Jeremy Tucker: The Industrial Man moving in for the kill!


#SMACK#


Jeremy Tucker: NO!


Andrew Fulton: I-Man taking Lucky Linda’s head off with the Recalibration!


Jeremy Tucker: That isn’t Attila Balan at all – it’s the Knockoff Industrial Man! The cheap imitation that Balan employs as a bodyguard! Sainovic and Knockoff now kicking the crap out of Linda! The Amazon champion being double-teamed by the commissioner and her own dream partner. That’s not going to help her trust issues. Sainovic planned this from the start - what a diabolical jerk.


Andrew Fulton: Zoran encouraging – demanding that Avery McCullen joins in on the gang beating, but Lucky Linda’s former partner wanting no part of it.


Jeremy Tucker: It looks like we may see an Irish Bomb Angel reunion yet!


Andrew Fulton: Avery McCullen shoving Zoran Sainovic away from Lucky Linda!


Jeremy Tucker: It’s ON! Wait – from behind, who is that.


Andrew Fulton: Holding Avery’s arms back in a full nelson, oh my go – is that Jack-


Jeremy Tucker: JACK EAST!!! Mister Serious himself!


Andrew Fulton: The Puro Power all star – how the hell did Sainovic get him to show up in the haunted house? Mr. Serious hates this quote gimmicky shit unquote.


Jeremy Tucker: Jack East keeping Avery tied-up while Zoran Sainovic goes to town, stabbing her repeatedly in the throat Asiatic spikes. KO I-Man still stomping a hole in Linda.


Zoran Sainovic: Did you actually zink I’d let a GIRL be my tag partner? When I’ve got ze PCCW heavyweight champ in my Rolodex? I gave you an opportunity to win back your career and you want to pull ze conscience card? How dare you!


Jeremy Tucker: Mr. Serious bouncing McCullen off the marble with an East of Eden – its like watching poetry in motion. East, Knockoff and Zoran now continuing to go to work on Linda. Three on one... this is difficult to watch.


Andrew Fulton: With the backyard stooges looking for the loot, all Zoran has to focus on is taking out his competition. And against these odds? I don’t like La Fey’s chances.


Jeremy Tucker: KO I-Man with the CLAMPS of STEEL!


Skeleton: WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!


Jeremy Tucker: There’s the front door and-


Andrew Fulton: DAMN!!!


Jeremy Tucker: IT’S MCCW’S FAVORITE COUPLE!!!!!


Zoran Sainovic: Son – its so nice of you to*


Jeremy Tucker: DEATH TRAP with a solid right hand knocking Zoran Sainovic to the floor!


Zoran Sainovic: Motherfu*


Andrew Fulton: And MISTRESS with a high kick that knocks the commissioner into the coffin decoration. He did not like that at all.


Jeremy Tucker: Death Trap and Mistress making the save!


Andrew Fulton: The PCCW champ diving at the former TWO TIME X-Crown champion with an Eastern Wind, but Death Trap dodging under it. The Main Attraction shooting in for a Cut the Strings, but East putting the breaks on! Both men now trading forearm smashes.


Jeremy Tucker: Mistress with a hard slap on the robot! Not phasing it! Another hard slap! It just keeps coming! A third hard slap! It starts to go for the CLAMPS of STEEL – Shining big boot to the groin proves to be the great equalizer!


Andrew Fulton: I can’t believe we’re seeing Death Trap and Jack East going toe to toe, talk about your dream matches!


Jeremy Tucker: Linda La Fey may have picked a bastard for a tag partner, but she’s not hurting for allies as the MCCW super stars take Sainovic’s players apart.


Andrew Fulton: Mistress pulls Knockoff down with a dunce cap.


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic from behind going for a low blow, but Death Trap side steps an Eastern Promise and Jack East accidentally splits Zoran’s forehead wide open!


Andrew Fulton: Knockoff using his superior strength try to buck Mistress off him, swinging her into the wall. Into another. Third spin – and she uses it to kick Zoran Sainovic in the head! That’s not going to stop the bleeding.


Jeremy Tucker: Death Trap and Jack East brawling back into the billiard’s room! Come on camera operator, follow them!


Andrew Fulton: No dice. Videographer firmly planted in the foyer, as Knockoff goes for the Industrial Noise to break that choke, but Mistress transitioning it into the Naughty Boy.


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda is starting to wake up, and Zoran Sainovic just walking away! Running back to his treasure hunt rather than help his allies!


Andrew Fulton: Death Trap and Mistress continuing to be a thorn in the commissioner’s side.


Jeremy Tucker: As Mistress tries to take Knockoff offline, the videographer leaves to follow Sainovic... do we have a second camera in there yet?


The camera cuts to a second shot, this of Emily the videographer holding the picture up close to his face.


Emily the camera dudette: I’m scared to close my eyes. I’m scared to open them!


Behind her, Public Domain Tarzan stands with his back to the audience, staring at a wall. The camera cuts from this Blair Witch to a third camera.


Victoria Bitter Boy: Wait, I think I’ve got something.


Giving up on the bloody coffin, Fosters Beer Man crosses the foyer to the hole that his fellow alcohol mascot is digging by the stairs. Victoria lifts up a dusty old cup.


Fosters Beer Man: Bang on. Ain’t the loot, but looks like a good enough prize for us to get out of this spooky place. Was’it say?


Blowing the cobwebs off it, the cup sparkles gold. Excited at the prospect, Victoria uses his sleeve to polish the plate on the front.


Victoria Bitter Boy: Mu... Mute City King Class?


Fosters Beer Man: Ain’t that from that video game?


Victoria Bitter Boy: Which one?


Fosters Beer Man: Oye, you know – that racing one-


The ceiling lights start to flicker as an earthquake moves through the haunted house. A howling wail starts softly and grows louder. It's getting closer.


Victoria Bitters Boy: Are you sure this isn’t an urn?


Fosters Beer Man: PUT IT BACK!


Too late.


The wall bursts open, as a VW bug painted like a white tiger DRIVES THROUGH IT.


Lager Mascosts: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!


XHF affiliate CAR doesn’t condone violence against people, even mascots. So Abigail masterfully weaves and bobs around the Australian brew spokesmen, even as Brittany, still screaming in terror, swipes the MUTE CITY 2020 CUP out of Bitter Boy’s grasp.


Jeremy Tucker: That's CAR’s La Tigre, the tiger beetle, ploughing through the haunted house!


Andrew Fulton: Is CAR running a Mute City Cup in the middle of our match?


Jeremy Tucker: God only knows where Sainovic found this house – but is sounds like they are, and Le Tigre just captured the Cup from Victoria Bitter Boy. Good for Abigail and Britney!


Andrew Fulton: Leave it to Bitter Boy to compete in a car race on foot. Probably the only time those two aren’t driving drunk.


#CRASH#


Jeremy Tucker: And Le Tigre drives through hallway into the greenhouse with trophy in hand. I hope that wasn’t a load-bearing wall.


#VROOM#


Andrew Fulton: And here comes MOTHER in hot pursuit.


Lager Mascots: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!


Jeremy Tucker: AND MOTHER DRIVES RIGHT THROUGH THEM!!!!!!


Andrew Fulton: But that car is a ghost, so no one was killed.


Jeremy Tucker: Mother driving after La Tigre, but with the Cup in the women’s hands, this race is won.


Meanwhile in the greenhouse, Zoran Sainovic rips fistfuls of flowers out of one of the beds, desperately searching for the Z*Crown.


Andrew Fulton: This haunted house sure is designed to look like the mansion from Clue.


Jeremy Tucker: I don’t know what you mean.


One of the guard dogs in the exterior garden jumps at the glass wall, held back by a tight leash. It’s enough to startle, Zoran. The rain beats down against the roof. Breathing a sigh of relief, the SWAT Commissioner returns to his herbicide, when Lucky Linda charges into the room with a chair – breaking it across his back.


Andrew Fulton: Linda from behind with a chair – that’s a double cheap shot.


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda winding up again – and NO! TARRASQUE FROM BEHIND CHOKESLAMS HER INTO A BED OF TULIPS!


Andrew Fulton: Just when you thought Zoran Sainovic had run out of mystery partners, someone else comes out of the wood work!


Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque has Marcus Anderson with him. Anderson approaching Zoran, while Tarrasque moves from the Greenhouse into the corridor!


Marcus Anderson: Is it here?


Zoran Sainovic <rubbing back>: You got it, pal. Hidden treasure zroughout ze haunted house. Something for everyone. In your case, I touched base with my Warhammer contacts and got ze information-


Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque with a lariat, knocks Zork Nontext unconscious!


Zoran Sainovic: About his name-


Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque is on fire! Ducks under a closeline by Jonathan Smith, and big knee to the gut! SAMOAN DROP SENDS THE BIGAMIST CRASHING THROUGH A GLASS COFFEE TABLE!!!


Zoran Sainovic: Ze clues you’ve been searching fo-


Jeremy Tucker: Bad Boy Briggs with a double axe-handle, but Tarrasque shakes it off, and rams Briggs face first into the wall. Briggs is stuck! What strength by Tarrasque!


Zoran Sainovic: I only ask zat while you’re looking for it, try to rough up a few of my enemies in ze search.


Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque with a double closeline takes down The Murder Hobo Express!


Zoran Sainovic: Uh... which would be ze opposite of ze guys he’s brutalizing right now.


Marcus Anderson: Understood.


Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque pulls out a support beam to use as a club!


Andrew Fulton: He certainly knows how to bring the house down.


Jeremy Tucker: Tarrasque using that club to further put the hurt on Zoran’s army of Backyard wrestlers. Wait, noticing some writing on the wood. Walks back into the greenhouse.


Tarrasque: This?


Marcus Anderson: Looks like it.


Zoran Sainovic: Now wait a second.


Marcus Anderson: This will be a great help. Good luck tonight.


Zoran Sainovic: Now, wait just a minute you-


Finished, Tarrasque walks through the greenhouse wall – shattering the glass as he steps out into the rain, a new man.


Zoran Sainovic: You son’s of-


With the wall broken, guard dogs soon charge into the compound. Zoran runs back into the main house, closing the door behind him.


Zoran Sainovic: Well, at least ze dogs will have eaten – for fuck’s sake!


Lucky Linda pushes through the door without a bite on her.


Lucky Linda La Fey: Animals like me.


Zoran Sainovic: Zen it will be especially traumatic for ze mutts, when I FORCE FEED YOU TO ZEM!!!


Jump Scare Cat: Meow!


Sadly as the wrestlers that are supposed to be the stars of the match are finally ready to exchange blows, a black cat jumps at the camera. Along with startling you viewers at home, this results in the image changing to a different floor.


Two of the ghosts search through cobweb covered cabinets in an attic.


Ghost # 3: I found another bed, bath and beyond coupon.


Ghost # 25: Leave it, all that matters is that contract.


Ghost # 3: How do you figure, Joe?


Joe Pesci <taking off his ghost #25 sheet>: Because I have a ridiculous amount of assets tied up in SWAT that I can’t touch in freaking exile. Paying myself as an on air personality looked good for tax purposes but now has me over a barrel with those New Year’s Nightmare stips! With that lousy contract, I’m officially a person with ties to the fed again, and CHA CHING, I’m on easy street.


The ghost stares blankly at him.


Joe Pesci: For the last time, take off that stupid costume before I lose my temper!


LEFT Tentacle <taking off his ghost # 3 sheet>: Sorry Joe!


Joe Pesci: Ugh. Put it back on.


Turning to a large dresser, Joe pulls it open.


Jump Scare Cat: Meow.


Joe Pesci: JESUS CHRIST!!!


It takes a second for Joe to catch his breath.


Joe Pesci: Damn cat.


Joe turns back to the dresser.


Radu Matei: Welcome back.


Joe Pesci: JESUS CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!!


The Sacrificial Idol grabs Joe by the throat, and gorilla presses him out the window.


Radu Matei: Thanks for dropping by.


The former SWAT owner plummets seventy feet before landing on the sharp edges of a metal fence below.


Joe Pesci: I’m Okay!*


*Added in post-production


Radu Matei: I wasn’t going to let Linda down in her hour of need. We are a team.


Ghost #3: ...Booooooooooooo...


Radu Matei: You can use the same exit.


Ghost # 3: Thanks Mister Matei!


LEFT Tentacle dives out the window.


Fortunately, Joe Pesci breaks his fall.


Joe Pesci: AAAAW – my groin!*


*Added in post-production


Radu Matei: It’s just nice to be in a match where I’m not drenched in blood.


Crossing the attic, Matei tries to open the hatch down into the main house. It holds fast – as if stuck by supernatural forces or a booby trap.


Suddenly the broken window starts pouring gallons of blood seemingly from outside into the room. Matei tries to make an escape through the bleeding window, but the force of the plasma is too strong.


As the blood starts to rise up to his waist, it looks like the Sacrificial Idol is going to drown. At which point the crimson pool causes the camera to short out, forcing the production team to cut to another camera.


Death Trap and Jack East continue to brawl through the kitchen, while Ghosts #16 - #18 cower on top of a fridge trying to avoid the vicious guard dogs that have been let in through the Tarrasque size hole in the green house.


Meanwhile over in the library, Mistress has gotten her hands on a whip. Knockoff is attempting to use the Jump Scare Cat as a human shield.


Jeremy Tucker: It’s absolute pandemonium in the Haunted House, is Fake Industrial Man trying to use that poor-


Jump Scare Cat: Meow.


Knockoff: DOES NOT COMPUTE!


Startled, Knockoff drops the cat – leaving himself open to a pretty vicious whipping.


Andrew Fulton: Check out the cracks on those whiplashes. The books are vibrating.


Jeremy Tucker: That doesn’t make sense-


#CRASH#


Jeremy Tucker: It’s La Tigre again!


Andrew Fulton: Have they been driving through the house all this time?


Jeremy Tucker: Well it’s hard to make an exit.


Andrew Fulton: The 2020 MUTE CITY CUP WINNERS, LA TIGRE SENDING THE DOZEN WRESTLERS INSIDE THE HOUSE SCRAMBLING FOR SAFETY AS THEY DRIVE OUT THE WAY THEY CAME IN – WITH MOTHER HOT ON THEIR HEELS!


Jeremy Tucker: I know they don’t build them like they used to but I don’t know how long even a ghost house can stand up to being a racetrack.


Andrew Fulton: A bathtub from the second floor falling THROUGH the floor – narrowly misses taking out Lucky Linda in the dining room.


#CRASH#


Jeremy Tucker: The house is falling apart! That tub just collapsed through the ceiling, and then through the first floor exposing the basement.


“He- elp.”


Andrew Fulton: Are the voices coming from the basement? Well, that is a lot creepier than that stupid cat.


Jump Scare Cat: Meow.


Andrew Fulton: GOD DAMN IT! I almost had a heart attack! How did that cat get from the house to our announce position in a matter of a minute.


Jeremy Tucker: Don’t piss off the cat.


Andrew Fulton: My heart is RACING! Feel my pulse!


Jeremy Tucker: No. Lucky Linda climbing down the hole into the basement, trying to discover the source of the cries!


“H- e- l-“


Andrew Fulton: Zoran Sainovic from behind with a wrench! Nasty shot to Linda’s ribs! He could have cracked them!


Jeremy Tucker: The force sent her crashing into a shelf – knocking hundreds of buy one get one free chipotle coupons on the floor.


Andrew Fulton: The mother load!


Jeremy Tucker: Zoran charging in again, but Linda ducks – leaving the wrench to break the shelves in two. Sainovic is playing for keeps. If Linda doesn’t watch it, it will be the commissioner in the cellar with the wrench!


Andrew Fulton: Zoran again swinging that weapon like he was trying to take her head off, but Linda rolls away. Ducks under. Just sashing the basement to ribbons. Was that a participation ribbon?


Jeremy Tucker: Linda rolls away again, but this time Zoran throws the wrench – again catching her in the midsection.


Andrew Fulton: That opened a nasty gash. She looks winded, and the larger Sainovic charging into her with a shoulder tackle! Both falling backwards into a pile of chair-


#CRASH#


Jeremy Tucker: A ROTTEN PART OF FLOOR BOARDS SENDS THE TWO CRASHNG DOWN INTO A SUB BASEMENT!!!


Andrew Fulton: Sub basement? How big is this house!


Jeremy Tucker: Well if it’s anything like Resident Evil, eventually they’ll find an underground lab. They may need a key card though.


Andrew Fulton: Sainovic trying to use a broken chair leg as a club, but Lucky Linda arm drags him over into the debris. Tries to turn it into an armbar, but he stabs her in those bruised ribs. Tries to grind it in, so she shuts him down with a snap DDT! Zoran’s eyes rolling back in his head! She’d better be careful, that area looks even more rotten and dangerous than the last one.


Jeremy Tucker: IRISH DESTROYER!!! Zoran is down. That should give Linda some time to search the area, or at least find a way up.


The camera cuts to the second floor, where Death Trap back lifts Jack East over the balcony, sending him crashing to the marble floor below. Just when he thinks he can catch a breath, a ghost walks up next him.


Ghost # 9: There is something you don’t see every day.


Death Trap follows the ghosts’ gaze to the ceiling, which is dripping blood.


Back in the sub basement, Linda notices something shiny.


Jeremy Tucker: Is that the SWAT Equestrian championship?


Andrew Fulton: One of the thirty-four titles that make up Sainovic’s Z*Crown! The rest of them have to be own there, and with them, the MONEY!


Jeremy Tucker: Linda shoving aside debris, trying to find more belts.


“elp.”


Andrew Fulton: There is that voice again.


Jeremy Tucker: The Amazon champion dropping the Equestrian title as she spots a satchel.


“Hel-p.”


Andrew Fulton: Could this be-


Jeremy Tucker: Linda opening the satchel, THAT IS TWO MILLION DOLLARS IF EVER I SAW THEM!!!


Andrew Fulton: She’s done it! Reclaimed the No Man’s Land winnings and beaten the commissioner at his own game! Now all she has to do is escape the haunted house.


“HELP!!!”


Jeremy Tucker: Linda stopping, listening for the cries for help.


Andrew Fulton: Don’t be an idiot Linda! Get out of there!


Lucky Linda La Fey: Hello?


“LINDA!!!!!!”


Lucky Linda La Fey: Liz?


“LINDA – I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP!”


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda La Fey seems to have discovered Liz from accounting, or her ghost.


Andrew Fulton: She fell down a hole a week ago! No way Liz didn’t starve to death, unless she had some freeze dried Marty Donovan to snack on.


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda trying to pull up the floorboards where Liz’s voice is coming from, and behind Zoran Sainovic slowly sitting up.


Andrew Fulton: Look out Linda!


Skeleton: WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM!


Jeremy Tucker: The front door!


Andrew Fulton: Zoran has his trusty scalpel – don’t cut away!


At the front door, more visitors arrive.


Roxylicious: What are we doing in this gross place? This is the worst night ever!


Timeless: Zoran is the only person who can reverse that decision and keep us in SWAT. I have to get in his good books!


Roxylicious: Is that blood on the stairs?


#Creaking sound#


#CRASH#


#RUSHING WATER#


The blood in the attic finally comes splashing down, a flash flood of gore washing away everything it comes into contact with.


Beams buckle, furniture smashes through windows, wrestlers and Halloween props alike get caught up in the river of plasma.


An exterior shot of the house sees the front doors burst open as the contents of the house, including most of the guest stars and some structurally important walls, come vomiting out on a red tide.


The house continues to creek violently, like it was ready to collapse in on itself.


From the scarlet debris, one figure slowly gets up.


A rough hand wiping off the red material, to look surprisingly clean. The only thing on the massive front lawn not drenched in blood. Talk about a personal victory.


Radu Matei: NO SOLD!


The retiring vet seems to have beaten the odds, exciting throwing his arms up in victory, but soon turns to the less fortunate participants.


Jeremy Tucker: Damn.


Andrew Fulton: Is everyone okay?


Jeremy Tucker: Do we have any cameras left in the house?


Lucky Linda and Zoran Sainovic cough up blood, looking up to find the floor of the sub basement missing, and the duo now in a natural cave.


Liz From Accounting: Jeepers.


Linda looks over to find Liz, still dressed as Velma on a small platform made out of rocks. The wrestlers have landed on bedrock, but a river of black ooze separates them from the missing accountant… and another platform with the Z*Crown.


Jeremy Tucker: Zoran and Linda washed down to what looks like a cave below the house.


Andrew Fulton: They should watch out for gateways to hell.


Jeremy Tucker: Linda trying to find a way over to Liz, while Zoran contemplates trying to leap over that river of sludge to get to the Z*Crown. Looks like a half dozen other boxes washed down too.


Andrew Fulton: Leave it to that moron Wilkes to put all the good prizes in the same place.


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic using a piece of shelve to try and drag the belts closer to him.


















WELCOME TO YOUR DOOM...









Andrew Fulton: I thought the skeleton got washed away with all the other cheap décor-



















...PUNY FLESHLING.









Jeremy Tucker: The Dread Lord DINOSAUR BONES emerging from that black slime!


Zoran Sainovic: COME ON! Seriously?


Andrew Fulton: Zoran Sainovic left scrambling to avoid a tail strike.


Jeremy Tucker: Linda happy to leave the two to their own devices, more concerned about Liz.


Andrew Fulton: Dinosaur Bones breathing a fire ball at Zoran – that’s new!


Jeremy Tucker: Our commissioner narrowly avoiding another stream of flames, and a tail strike! Zoran desperately wanting to go after the belts, but Bones is keeping him on his toes!


YOGA FIRE!



Andrew Fulton: Another fire breathe by Bones dodged by Sain-


*EXPLOSION*


Jeremy Tucker: But it ignited the black ooze! Now a river of fire stands between our stars and their prizes.


Andrew Fulton: Is that the two million dollar satchel around D. Bones’ neck?


Jeremy Tucker: Good eye Andrew! It must have washed there when the house bled out.


Outside.


Timeless: I have to help Zoran win; it’s my only chance at him letting me stay!


Alex Turner tries to charge back into the house, only to slip in the blood and fall off the steps.


Jeremy Tucker: An attempted CHOMP by Dinosaur sends Zoran jumping back into Lucky Linda – almost knocking her into the fire! Tail swipe, but Linda grabs it, giving Zoran the opening for a dropkick. What are we seeing?


Andrew Fulton: Three way dance!


Jeremy Tucker: Zoran and Linda holding hands – double closeline on the bigger competitor! That knocked the satchel off him!


Andrew Fulton: It almost knocked his Dinosaur head off!


Jeremy Tucker: Zoran burying a knee into Linda’s stomach, then charging over to Bones for a jumping DDT!!! NO! Linda holds onto the tail, keeping Bones up. Dinosaur dropping a mini T-rex elbow on Zoran! Now going for another bite, but Linda pulls him back, trying to work over the tail with what looks like a spinning toehold!


Andrew Fulton: Dinosaur Bones trying to breathe more fire, but Zoran stopping him with a trust kick to the head.


Jeremy Tucker: Bones going for another bite, but Zoran fighting back up to his feet with a kneelift. Running kneelift knocks Bones back into Linda! She’s still trying to rip on the tail, but he is punching away.


Andrew Fulton: Zoran leaving the two of them to duke it out, as he grabs a piece of debris an tries again to reach his Z*Crown.


Jeremy Tucker: It looks like Timeless has again entered the house. Not advisable – that thing is falling apart.


Andrew Fulton: The broken floor boards he was hoping to use as a bridge have caught fire – so he starts using it to beat Linda and Bones!


Jeremy Tucker: Some of the sewing in that costume is burning up, Dinosaur Bones now on fire – but the big brute still thrashing the bitter rivals with his tail.


Andrew Fulton: Zoran and Dinosaur trading lefts and rights.


Jeremy Tucker: While he’s distracted, Linda from behind with a sharp piece of wood – hacks the tail off! Bones still engrossed in his brawl, almost like he didn’t feel it.


Andrew Fulton: Linda lassoing the tail onto a stalactite, and swinging...











! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !


Jeremy Tucker: LUCKY LINDA HAS GOT LIZ!


Andrew Fulton: Let’s hope Liz doesn’t try to eat her.


Jeremy Tucker: Dinosaur Bones goes for another Yoga Fire, but Zoran with a European uppercut, redirects the blaze over to the rickety pyre that is as close as they have to a staircase.


Andrew Fulton: Lucky Linda trying to carry Liz to safety up those burning stairs, but Zoran has bigger fish to fry.


Jeremy Tucker: The ceiling starting to cave in, as the fire starts reaching the upper levels.


Andrew Fulton: Bones biting Zoran’s shoulder, but the commissioner turning it into a belly-to-belly suplex – sending the larger monster back into the flaming ooze.


Jeremy Tucker: Zoran Sainovic diving onto Dinosaur Bones, using him as a bridge – but those titles are still just out of reach.


Andrew Fulton: Timeless trying to down to the basement, but Linda pushing him aside.  We see Psychotic Goth emerge from the shadows, and he clubs Timeless from behind, then reaches down and rips Timeless' Cybernetic hand right off his arm!  Goth holds the arm up in elation, and goes into a trance at having reefed it off his long time foe.  A wave of fire come at Goth, and he dives out of the way, dropping the hand into the sea of flames.


Jeremy Tucker: Sainovic is inches away from the Z*Crown.


Andrew Fulton: More of the ceiling is collapsing, and the cameraman is making a break for it.


Jeremy Tucker: Cars. A sea of blood. Fire. Tarrasque and Bones removing support beams for weapons. It’s amazing the house is still standing.





The camera cuts to the outside, where a small army of wrestlers is watching smoke billow out of the windows.


Darkseid: IS THIS THE HAUNTED HOUSE SWAT EVENT?


Victoria Bitter Boy: What’s it to you, mate?


Darkseid: MY FRIEND ZORAN REQUESTED MY PRESENCE AS HIS PARTNER. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAD A HARD TIME FINDING THE PLACE.


Ghost # 23: Well you’ve plumb missed it.










The group turns back to the Haunted House, just as it explodes.









BOOM.









Jeremy Tucker: OH MY GOD!







Andrew Fulton: I. Did everyone get out?









When the initial smoke starts to clear, the boys start to rush forwards, only to stop as a few figures emerge from the mist.







Jeremy Tucker: Thank goodness – here comes Lucky Linda and Liz!







Lucky Linda La Fey: Look who I found-


There are general signs of relief for the missing accountant.


Lucky Linda La Fey: And that’s not all...


Linda raises the missing satchel.






Lucky Linda La Fey: I also got all the money Zoran stole!









Liz from Accounting: ALL OF IT?


Lucky Linda La Fey: Yes, my two million dollars for winning No Man’s Land!


Liz from Accounting: Linda, he has embezzled close to thirty million. THAT is the money I was looking for.


Jeremy Tucker: Lucky Linda is the winner of the match, she finally beat Zoran at his own game, but she looks like she’s going to be sick.


Andrew Fulton: At least they are catching him in time so there aren’t massive layoffs.


Jeremy Tucker: Here he comes now...











Another figure emerges from the mist.












Timeless Alex Turner is covered in soot from the explosion and has lost his cybernetic arm.











Timeless: Zoran Sainovic is dead.

Timeless collapses.

A lot of SWAT employees look very worried.

[Trent Jones MR Bones.]

Back stage we can see Trent Jones walking through the locker room area and he slips on his Rally Jackson mask and knocks on Eddie door. Eddie opens the door and he is holding his title. He looks over at Trent and plays along.
Trent: hey there it’s rally Jackson can I have... wait did I say the right there... well can I have my belt back.

Eddie D: well you know the going rate... pay up... what’s up Trent?

Trent: damn it I must have said the wrong there because you knew it was me

Eddie D: you know you say there the same no matter how it is spelled right.

Trent: well fuck I am canceling my bable learn to speak MERICAN...

Eddie D: English.

Trent: don’t start that shit, but hey man congrats on the belt after the show let’s get fucked up and celebrate.

Trent turns and walks away and Eddie closed his door.

[SWAT Team]

Jeremy Tucker: Coming up fans is our main event of the evening, as Trent Jones puts his SWAT World Heavyweight Championship on the line against former SWAT International Champion 110% Syberus. Zoran Sainovic tried to make sure this match didn't happen by putting Jones' Brothers of Anarchy partner in his path but Syberus was able to persevere.

Andrew Fulton: Cut the shit, Jerry, that was a farce. Eddie D was distracted by Jonnie Valentine sticking his bowtie where it didn't belong. This interference problem has gotten far out of control. I believe we need an enforcer. A Mr. T type who...

Jeremy Tucker: We're not hiring Mr. T.

Andrew Fulton: I said a Mr. T type. Obviously I was referring to Terry Crews. (stubs out his cigarette)

Jeremy Tucker: Now Trent Jones is set to face 110% Syberus they tangled a couple of times previously. In Spain, The Brothers of Anarchy and Anthony Caffrey were victorious over Syberus, "The Golden God" Rally Jackson, and Jonnie Valentine in a TLC match. In Australia...

Andrew Fulton: Ah, me motherland. I miss me mum's cooking. Me favorite meal was the rest of whatever her boyfriend hadn't finished.

Jeremy Tucker: That's...sweet, Andy. Syberus and Jonnie Valentine came out ahead in a tag team match with Jones and Eddie in the second round. In Dallas, The Stylistics wrestled in a Texas tornado death match where with a little help from Suzi Spitz, The Brothers of Anarchy evened the score. So Trent Jones and Syberus have seen what the other can do, but this will be the first time they compete in a singles competition, with the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship on the line.

Andrew Fulton: Trent Jones has beaten Tuxedo Mask, he's beaten Jonnie, he's beaten Rally Jackson last month in Knoxville, beating 110% Syberus will make it a clean sweep of The Society of the New Breed. He's like Hulk to the Heenan Family.

(“Two Notes Shy Of An Octave” comes into life and the crowd pops.]

Jeremy Tucker: Well here comes Syberus ladies and gentlemen, all 110% of him-

(Static breaks the music into silence and the lights suddenly go out in the arena.)

Andrew Fulton: Wait, what's happening, is this the end?! Jeremy there's something I've always wanted to say-

Jeremy Tucker: I think it's just technical issues, Andy. Stay with us folks.

Andrew Fulton: Oh, yeah, that makes more sense.

[“Battleflag” by Lo Fidelity All Stars bursts out of the speakers and the crowd lose their shit.]

“I said Hallelujah! To the sixteen loyal fans,

You're getting down on your motherfuckin' knees and it's time for your sickness again!”


“Come on and tell me what you need now, tell me what is making you bleed...

We got two more minutes then we're gonna cut to what you need.”

[Images of the Connection of Syberus and Adrian Tanner doing their thing with the Tag Team titles in early SWAT fill the screens and 110% Syberus busts through the curtain wearing a Connection T-Shirt, with a black arm band and the crowd reach their feet.]

“So one of six so tell me, one do you want to live?

And number seven tell me, is it time for your motherfuckin' ass to give?”

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus going old school! Syberus honoring the late Adrian Tanner Jnr. with whom he formed a fantastic tag team back in the day.

Andrew Fulton: They ran riot in the tag team division at that time- they were unstoppable.

Jeremy Tucker: Cleveland, Albuquerque, and twice in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Those are the cities where Syberus won his four Hardkore World Heavyweight Championships, and tonight he hopes to add his first SWAT World Championship here in Atlanta, where he is dedicating tonight's match to the late, great Adrian Tanner Jr. who he held the SWAT World Tag Team Championships with.

Andrew Fulton: That's alot of pressure to put on yourself and will most likely be his undoing. He needs to focus on pinning a giant biker, not who gets the credit if he magically somehow does so.

Jeremy Tucker: 110% Syberus has won 34 championships in his nearly 17 year career, but tonight he is focused on winning his first World Championship in 5 years. He last had a shot in October of 2019 when he lost to Radu Matei in Philadelphia. That is when he dedicated himself to always giving 110% and now he finds himself back in the World title picture, nearly a year later.

Andrew Fulton: (lights cigarette) I had completely forgotten why we called him 110%. I thought it was some deal with the state to have a wrestler with an educational gimmick.

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus hit an existential wall when Trent Jones told him he would need to use 150% to beat him.

Andrew Fulton: That's what wrestling's been missing. Math feuds!

Jeremy Tucker: Jonnie Valentine traveled to Marrakesh to find a disheveled and disillusioned 110% Syberus looking for that next 40%...

Andrew Fulton: For fucks sake...

Jeremy Tucker: ...to bring him back from the brink. Being the great motivator he needed to be to get the men to go through the brutal events of Hardkore World, Jonnie was able to talk Syberus into coming back and taking on the SWAT World Heavyweight Champion tonight.

Frank Salazar : "The following is the main event of the evening! Your referee is Tommy Milligan. Introducing first, hailing from Manchester, England; Standing 6 feet tall; Weighing 232 pounds .... 110% SYBERUS!!!"

(The State Farm Arena roars as Syberus pumps his fist. Then the lights go out as static is heard on the screen. Then an explosion at the entrance goes off and a dark blue spot light shines on the stage as "White Trash Renegade" by Big B starts playing throughout the arena. Trent Jones steps out wearing black cargo pants and a White Tank top that says Mr Bones on it. Trent is wearing black MMA style gloves and he has on a black hat that says Killin It)

Andrew Fulton: That really took the air out of the room didn't it? You can dedicate things, you can have old titles to talk about, cities you won them in, but until you stand up close to "Mr. Bones" Trent Jones, the SWAT World Heavyweight Champion, you have no idea how silly that all sounds.

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones has gone off the deep end as of late. His grip on reality has always been tenuous, but since he got off of his prescribed medicine, he has now started communicating with something he calls The Parish, which he has become the leader of.

Andrew Fulton: You know when "Rockin" Rick Owen prays to God, no one bats an eye. But align yourself with a group of flesh masked gentleman, and everyone gets up in a tizzy. That right there is religious persecution. Jones' looking a bit rough after meeting the parents of his lover.

Jeremy Tucker: Please don't say that.

Andrew Fulton: What? Lover? Grow up, Jerry. Not everything is black and white. Some people get married. Some prefer to take a lover.

Jeremy Tucker: (shudders)

Andrew Fulton: (stubs out his cigarette) Me? Oh, I've had me share of lovers. There was that adorable lass at the bowling alley. She had one glass eye, but the other one was only for me. Then I dipped me pen in the proverbial company ink...

Jeremy Tucker: You dated a female wrestler?

Andrew Fulton: Hmm? No, a corrections officer when I was locked up for a bit. It passed the time, as well as got me extra honey buns from the commissary.

(As Trent Jones walks slowly to the ring he stretches his neck and shoulders and talks shit to the fans as he make his way to the ring)

Jeremy Tucker: SWAT World Heavyweight Champion Trent Jones has held the belt since April, successfully defending it against Psychotic Goth and "The Golden God" Rally Jackson. He just entered the wrestling world last year and has already left an incredible impression. Now he has a formidable former world champion in front of him who he has been at war with for months.

Andrew Fulton: He wants to get a decisive win here so he can move on from The Society of the New Breed and take on new challengers.

Jeremy Tucker: Easier said than done. Robert Hunglestien III, "The Punisher" Dan Stien, Kilroy Evans, and Andrew Karnage hope to do the same thing with their World titles before they lost them to Syberus.

Andrew Fulton: They weren't Trent Jones. Jones is looking to make 110% Syberus the next face he hangs in The Parish.

Frank Salazar: "And his opponent is from Wherever He Damn Pleases; Standing 6 feet 6 inches tall; Weighing 354 pounds; He is The Current SWAT World Heavyweight Champion...'MR. BONES' TRENT JONES!!!"

(The State Farm Arena rocks with boos. Tommy Milligan signals for the bell. Syberus and Trent Jones trash talk a little as they circle one another)

Jeremy Tucker: 110% Syberus and Trent Jones lock up in a collar and elbow tie-up.

Andrew Fulton: The stronger Trent Jones is able to back Syberus into the corner, and now Tommy Milligan asking for a clean break.

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones doesn't oblige and cracks Syberus with a left hook.

(The Atlanta fans boo and Jones backs up with his hands up as Tommy Milligan chastises him. Syberus checks his jaw)

Andrew Fulton: The champ is always great for a laugh, I love it!

Jeremy Tucker: Jones and Syberus lock up again, and Jones once again backing Syberus up, but this time Syberus uses his momentum against him with a snapmare!

(The crowd pops and Syberus applies a hammerlock. He pulls up on Jones' wrist causing him to grimace. Trent Jones works his way back to his feet)

Andrew Fulton: Trent Jones pops Syberus in the eye with a back elbow to escape the hammerlock. He stands Syberus up with an uppercut.

Jeremy Tucker: Jones grabs Syberus with an inverted facelock, and drives him down into a reverse DDT!

Referee: 1...(Syberus gets his shoulder up)

Jeremy Tucker: Too early there.

Andrew Fulton: You've got to take every opportunity when you're in the ring with a veteran like Syberus. Remember this man has only been wrestling for less than two years!

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones goes for a suplex, but Syberus blocks it with his boot. He counters with a side headlock.

(110% Syberus locks his hands together and grinds his forearm into the temple of Trent Jones. He cranks up on Jones trapped head, and then flips him over into a side headlock take down)

Jeremy Tucker: 110% Syberus now putting pressure on the head and neck of the champion, forcing his shoulders to the mat.

Referee: 1...(Trent Jones rolls back onto his side)

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus wisely trying to wear the larger man down.

Andrew Fulton: (lights his cigarette) Trent Jones now fighting his way back to his feet, with Syberus hanging onto the side headlock.

(Some pockets of fans in The State Farm Arena start booing. A few chant "Boooo-ring!! Boooo-ring!! Boooo-ring!!")

Jeremy Tucker: Jones now able to push Syberus off into the ropes and nearly takes his head off with a jump kick!

(The Atlanta fans jeer as Trent Jones brushes the dirt off mockingly. He walks over and steps on Syberus' throat, using the second rope for leverage, and the boos get louder)

Jeremy Tucker: Oh, come on!

Andrew Fulton: That's 354 pound bloke standing on your neck!

Jeremy Tucker: Tommy Milligan threatening disqualification, and Jones finally gets off when Milligan gets to four.

Andrew Fulton: 110% Syberus gets to his hands and knees, Trent Jones gets a running start and then lands a stiff kick to Syberus' ribs!

(110% Syberus groans and rolls over to his side, holding the side of his ribs. Trent Jones rolls out of the ring and slowly walks to the security rail)

Jeremy Tucker: Where is Trent Jones going?

Andrew Fulton: He's tired of this bugger's mouth, he's been on the champ's case this whole time.

(Trent Jones walks over to a trash talking fan in the front row. He smirks at the guy who's red in the face with anger. Jones then pokes the guy in the chest)

Jeremy Tucker: Oh come on, leave our fans alone. That guy paid a ticket and has the right to boo or cheer whoever he wants.

Andrew Fulton: They only say those awful things because they think you can't do anything about it. Let this be a lesson to all those brave keyboard warriors who make fun of me looks on Twitter. I will come to your house and poke you in the chest I will.

(The fan backs up but continues to berate Trent Jones. Jones smiles and gives the guy the middle finger. Dude comes unglued and charges at Trent Jones but State Farm Arena security hold the fan back)

Jeremy Tucker: (stubs his cigarette out) That is just disgusting. What a piece of work he is.

Andrew Fulton: I love it. Oh, that middle aged guy in a "Rockin" Rick t-shirt is real tough now with those blokes holding him back.

(Trent Jones laughs as the guy is restrained by security guards, he turns around into a baseball slide kick by Syberus! The Atlanta fans cheer wildly)

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones busy picking on fans, and 110% Syberus recovers in the meantime.

Andrew Fulton: 110% Syberus runs Trent Jones' facefirst into the cornerpost! Oh, that's real gallant.

Jeremy Tucker: Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, Andy.

Andrew Fulton: What fire? Trent Jones has wrestled a clean match up until now. Syberus is desperate.

Jeremy Tucker: The champ comes up bloody, with a long laceration over his eye!

(The audience cheers as Jones blinks, trying to shake off the cobwebs. Syberus kneels over him and begins raking the cut with his fingernails, widening it)

Andrew Fulton: Oh you want to talk disgusting, what is that, Jerry? He's ripping and tearing at the cut like an animal!

Jeremy Tucker: This has been a fierce rivalry that these two have had all summer, you have to expect it to break down eventually. 110% Syberus back in the ring now to break the count.

(A bloody Trent Jones pulls himself up by the ropes and 110% Syberus runs into the ropes. He vaults over Jones with a sunset flip tigerbomb!! The crowd leaps to their feet and chant "SY-BER-US!! SY-BER-US!! SY-BER-US!!")

Andrew Fulton: I think Trent Jones caught his head on the concrete on that one.

Jeremy Tucker: You may be right. Syberus pulls Trent Jones up and ties up their legs. He snaps back into a russian legsweep into the guardrail!!

(The State Farm Arena lets out a collective "OH!! at the sound of Trent Jones' skull hitting the steel. Syberus asks a couple of fans for their chairs, and they hand him two)

Andrew Fulton: Oh come on now, (lights his cigarette) Tommy Milligan has totally lost control of this one.

Jeremy Tucker: I'm beginning to agree with you a bit, Andy. This is beginning to get excessive.

(Syberus sets up both chairs and bridges them together. He pulls a bleeding Trent Jones to his feet and rolls him into a neckbreaker, but Jones blocks it)

Andrew Fulton: The big man uses his superior power to roll them back into a facing position, and clock him with a right hook.

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus falls onto the bridged chairs, and is laying across those two seats. Trent Jones steps up onto the apron!

Andrew Fulton: Here we go! Jones leaps off and splashes 110% Syberus through those bridged chairs!!

(The fans let out another "OH!!" as both men lie crumpled amongst the chairs on the State Farm Arena floor. Boos begin low and continually rise in volume and intensity. 110% Syberus clutches his side and grimaces)

[Andrew Fulton: Ha ha ha! Hoisted by his own petard.

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones now choking 110% Syberus with those TV cables!

(The audience jeers as Tommy Milligan finally gets through to Trent Jones that he'll disqualify him if he doesn't get back into the ring. A bloody Jones flips the ref off and turns to roll back into the ring)

Jeremy Tucker: 110% Syberus coughing and panting, trying to enter the ring. He barely steps through before being mowed down by a 354 pound spear!!

Andrew Fulton: Syberus cut in half by that one!

Referee: 1...2...(Syberus gets his shoulder up)

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones pulls him up into a bearhug. The 6'6 Trent Jones has Syberus high up in the air, with the arms perfectly clamped down on Syberus' lower back and spine.

Andrew Fulton: Jones thinking of every comment that smarmy Brit has ever said while he's applying this. Syberus can't get any air in, and those ribs Jones kicked look to be in particular pain.

(Jones' forehead bleeds a large smear on Syberus' lower abdomen and white tights. Tommy Milligan asks Syberus if he wants to give up, but Syberus is too busy crying out in pain)

Jeremy Tucker: Out of mere survival, Syberus fires a forearm into Jones' forehead, but Jones maintains the bearhug. He gives him a chop to the side of the neck, but the big biker just squeezes even harder.

Andrew Fulton: 110% Syberus rakes Jones' eyes with those nails, taking the cheap way out. If Jones had that bearhug on much longer this match would be over.

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones fires a left hook at Syberus, and Syberus replies with a blistering chop to Jones' throat.

Andrew Fulton: "Mr. Bones" Trent Jones hits Syberus with another hook, this time a right hand. Syberus connects with another of those knife edge chops.

(The Atlanta fans let out a "Woo!" with each chop. Syberus ducks a punch, and blasts Jones with another chop to the throat. Jones struggles, clutching at his throat. Syberus twirls around into a discus punch, but Jones won't go down)

Jeremy Tucker: 110% Syberus hits the ropes and knocks Jones to the mat with a roaring elbow!

(The audience roars, and Syberus clutches at his side. Jones bleeds a pool of blood underneath this head. Syberus staggers over and catches a rising Jones with a snapmare)

Andrew Fulton: Syberus gets a running start and punt kicks Trent Jones across the skull!

Jeremy Tucker: That's a little receipt for that earlier kick by Trent Jones.

Andrew Fulton: (stubs out cigarette) Well, that's just petty. You've got to let that stuff go, Jerry. It'll eat you up inside.

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus measures him and gives him a fist drop right between the eyes!

Andrew Fulton: Look at that, he's just trying to open up the champ's cut even more. This is hardly an horrible match from Syberus.

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones put him through two chairs!

Andrew Fulton: That Syberus brought out!

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus now picks Trent Jones up in a back suplex, but Jones shifts his weight and lands on top of Syberus!

Referee: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)

Andrew Fulton: (lights up cigarette) Trent Jones back in control with a triangle choke. He pulls down on Syberus' head while cutting off his air with those gigantic tree trunk like legs of his.

(Syberus slips a hand free and punches Jones, but Jones recaptures it and pulls down on it while clamping down on the headscissors. Tommy Milligan asks Syberus if he wants to tap out but Syberus refuses)

Jeremy Tucker: Jones releases the triangle choke. He gets to his feet and Syberus slowly gets to his, but Trent Jones kicks him low in the groin! Oh come on.

Andrew Fulton: (impersonating Jeremy) Well, with the "fierce rivalry that these two have had all summer, you have to expect it to break down eventually." That's you. That's how you sound.

Jeremy Tucker: I get it. Trent Jones drills Syberus' skull into the mat with a DDT!

Andrew Fulton: He applies the Lights Out Mother F'er sleeper on the mat! (starts singing) Turn out the lights, the party's over!

(The State Farm Arena boos as Syberus reaches out for the ropes in desperation. A bloody Trent Jones whips him from side to side, trying to keep Syberus from getting his balance)

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus fights his way to his feet but Trent Jones hangs on to the sleeper. Syberus back peddles into the corner, and squashes him into the turnbuckles, but Jones still maintains the Lights Out Mother F'er.

Andrew Fulton: 110% Syberus hooks his arms around the bottom rope, and now Tommy Milligan forces Jones to break the Lights Out Mother F'er. Jones scoops him up but Syberus floats over onto his feet with a reverse DDT!

Referee: 1...2...(Trent Jones gets his shoulder up)

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus twists Jones' arm, and now takes him to the mat with a wristlock takedown. He applies a leg scissors to his knee.

Andrew Fulton: After his match with "The Golden God" Rally Jackson in Knoxville, Trent Jones was walking with a noticeable limp. Syberus clearly going after that same knee.

(Trent Jones sits up in pain as 110% Syberus cranks back on his calf, while squeezing his thigh with the leg scissors. Jones uses his long frame to reach out and grab the ropes and Tommy Milligan forces Syberus to release the leg scissors)

Jeremy Tucker: 110% Syberus grabs Jones with a lightning fast arm drag. He catches an oncoming Mr Bones with another one.

Andrew Fulton: Syberus shoots Jones into the corner, but Jones bounces out with a clothesline that flips Syberus end over end!

(The Atlanta crowd groans and then boos Trent Jones. Jones pulls Syberus' head into his legs and then flips him up into a powerbomb!! A bloody Jones drops to his knees and makes the cover)

Referee: 1...2...(110% Syberus kicks out)

Jeremy Tucker: Jones grabs Syberus in a front facelock for a DDT, but 110% Syberus grabs his legs and spins him into a spinebuster!

(110% Syberus grabs him from behind with a rear naked choke. The fans cheer as Syberus chokes off Jones' air, who is turning red from lack of oxygen)

Andrew Fulton: The champion reaching out for those ropes, while 110% Syberus pulls back on his head and neck.

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones reaches the ropes and Tommy Milligan demands he break the rear naked choke. He irish whips Jones into the corner.

Andrew Fulton: 110% Syberus charges in but Trent Jones is waiting for him with a boot to the face!

(The cheers turn to jeers as Trent Jones motions for Syberus to get to his feet. When Syberus does, Trent Jones runs and connects with a superman punch)

Jeremy Tucker: Trent Jones pulls Syberus' head into his legs and drills his head into the mat with a piledriver!!

Referee: 1...2...(Syberus kicks out)

Andrew Fulton: Jones bounces into the ropes and tries to hit a splash, but Syberus puts his knees up! Syberus staggers up and catches Jones from behind with a codebreaker!!

(Trent Jones sits up and arches his back in pain as blood runs down his face. Syberus applies a headscissors. He clamps his legs together on Jones' neck, trying to wear him out)

Jeremy Tucker: 110% Syberus perhaps catching his breath here while cutting off the blood to Jones' brain.

Andrew Fulton: Trent Jones whips his body and kicks out to escape Syberus' head scissors. Syberus grabs him in a rear waistlock, but Jones back elbows him.

Jeremy Tucker: Jones flips him up onto his shoulder and twirls 110% Syberus around into a spinning powerbomb!!

(The State Farm Arena rocks with boos as a bloody and exhausted Trent Jones stalks Syberus who is sprawled out on the mat. Jones pulls Syberus up by his hair and irish whips him hard into the turnbuckles)

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus winces terribly and I think it's quite clear that Syberus has broken some ribs earlier in the match.

Andrew Fulton: It's very clear to Trent Jones who punches him in the broken ribs! Again! Another hard shot to Syberus' riblets. He grabs him in a proper Lights Out Mother F'er sleeper and drops to the mat!

(The boos are deafening as Trent Jones squeezes the sleeper hold with his legs wrapped around Syberus' body. Syberus reaches out for escape, so Jones releases the sleeper for a second and elbows Syberus' in his broken ribs)

Andrew Fulton: Trent Jones reapplies the Lights Out Mother F'er!

Jeremy Tucker: Jones squeezes Syberus' windpipe, and Tommy Milligan tests Syberus' arm. He keeps it up, albeit just barely.

(The Atlanta fans chant "SY-BER-US!! SY-BER-US!! SY-BER-US!!" trying to will 110% Syberus back into consciousness but it's no use. Syberus quickly fades and Tommy Milligan goes to test his arms)

Jeremy Tucker: The rib injury is not allowing 110% Syberus to get any air, Milligan lifts Syberus' arm and...he keeps it up!

Andrew Fulton: How? 110% Syberus now trying desperately to escape. He's able to unwrap Jones' legs from around his body and work his way to his feet, but Trent Jones is still hanging on to the Lights Out Mother F'er sleeper.

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus slips his hands behind him and grabs Trent Jones' head in a cravate, He kicks out into a diamond cutter!!

Referee: 1...2...3!!!

(The State Farm Arena leaps to their feet as "Two Notes Shy Of An Octave" by Red City Radio plays. Syberus rolls over to his side and clutches his ribs as Tommy Milligan walks over and places the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship in his hands)

Frank Salazar: "THE WINNER OF THE MATCH, AND NEW SWAT WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION...110% SYBERUS!!!"

Jeremy Tucker: He's done it! 110% Syberus has become the new SWAT World Heavyweight Champion!

Andrew Fulton: I don't understand! It was Lights Out!

(Jonnie Valentine, Tuxedo Mask and Rally Jackson run down to the ring. Jonnie helps 110% Syberus to his feet as Eddie D comes down to the ring to collect Trent Jones)

Jeremy Tucker: Syberus pointing at the sky, dedicating his SWAT World Heavyweight title victory to the late great Adrian Tanner Jr., his former partner.

(110% Syberus winces and grimaces at his aching ribs, but musters enough strength to hold the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship over his head as he basks in the applause and cheers from the Atlanta fans. Eddie D helps a blood soaked and totally spent Trent Jones back to the locker room)

Andrew Fulton: Trent Jones held the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship with honor and distinction, and I'm sure that belt will be back around his waist sooner than later.

Jeremy Tucker: Maybe so, but for now it is 110% Syberus' time, and these fans are loving it!

(The Society of the New Breed help Syberus celebrate. The pain of Syberus' ribs is no match for the pride he's feeling. Tuxedo Mask holds up his SWAT World Tag Team Championship, Rally Jackson holds up his tag team championship as well)

Jeremy Tucker: Alot of the gold now rests with the Society of the New Breed!

Andrew Fulton: All that does is put a giant target on their backs. First the KGB, then The Brothers of Anarchy, now another group will come along to knock them off their perch.

(110% Syberus needs a little assistance getting up to the second rope and hold up his championship belt as the fans chant "SY-BER-US!! SY-BER-US!! SY-BER-US!!" Jonnie Valentine produces a pair of wrestling boots)

Jeremy Tucker: Those are Flare's boots! Jonnie paying homage to the late Reginald Packer's main protege Flare by placing those boots in the middle of the ring.

(110% Syberus nods and slings the SWAT World Heavyweight Championship over his shoulder, applauding. The lights go out and a spotlight hits Flare's boots, making them glimmer)

Jeremy Tucker: Fans, this has been a great show and something both Adrian Tanner Jr. and Packer would have really enjoyed seeing. Hopefully they're up there enjoying this from ringside seats!

(The Atlanta crowd cheers hometown boy Flare's boots and cheer as the spotlight shines on them)