MOTHER. 02. Close to the Heart.
Jul 21, 2020 11:49:07 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 4 more like this
Post by mtc on Jul 21, 2020 11:49:07 GMT -5
Following the fantastic Sippy Cup Qualifier 2 - which was fab, mad props to h2f - The MOTHER team returns to the paddock. Chief Mechanic Norm Krabbe charges in shortly after the vehicle, concerns for the well being of his mother. The car.
Norm Krabbe:
Ma! Are you alright? The Don't Touch My Junk car drove like an animal - my heart was pounding out of my chest.
The Porsche's hood starts to flap up and down mimicking mouth gesture to accompany the warm voice of Krabbe's Mother.
Christine:
No need to worry Norman, it was a real hoot. After being cooped up in the garage, its nice to let my hair down. Have you been having these heart palpitations for long? You should have them checked out by a doctor, Norman. Its the salt. I'm always saying you need to cut down on those salty foods.
The driver leans through the window.
Bogdan Tomas:
Relax. You worry too much, Norm. It'll be the death of you. And I'd hate to think of you inhabiting next year's car.
Norm starts fantasizing about MOTHER phasing through a wall, but Bogdan remaining a solid.
Christine:
Who is up for a game of scrabble?
Bogdan Tomas:
While the Sippy Cup Strangler is still at large? Those hookers aren't going to save themselves. No Christine, we need to cruise the red light district looking for that deranged pervert. It's a mystery that only we can solve.
Norm Krabbe:
Out of the question, we need to run diagnostics on Ma, and see what kind of damage your fool hardy driving has done.
Christine:
No, Bogdan is right - think of the working girls.
"Look alive, I'm not paying you to sit around like a corpse."
Outside the paddock, MOTHER owner JR Lupei is berating the pit crew.
Norm Krabbe <looking nervous>:
That's JR. MA! He doesn't know - and if he did, they'd pull you apart...
Christine:
No one is all bad, son - besides the strangler that is. I'm sure I can have a heart to heart with your boss, and make him see eye to-
Bogdan Tomas:
No, Lupei is quite inflexible. He would end our crime fighting days in a second, Christine, and probably have you melted down in an insane pursuit for eternal life. Such thoughts initially crossed my mind, before I asked "what would David Hasselhoff do?"
"Your lips move faster than the car!"
Deranged industrialist and DALLAS super fan, JR Lupei, swaggers into the paddock with all the grace of an old Larry Hagman.
JR Lupei:
I expect those hippies in Escapism Society to stand around all day, but those clowns aren't on my dime.
Norm Krabbe:
Congratulations on the win, sir! I was just telling the team how proud we were of their victo-
JR Lupei:
Resting on your laurels after your first qualifier? We got BIGGER fish to fry. The REASON I bought this team in the first place. A race that is near and dear to me...
Norm Krabbe:
The Heart and Stroke Foundation Cup?
JR Lupei:
Close. The Silicon Cup!
Christine:
Is he for real?
Startled by the female voice, JR turns on his heel, just as Bogan jumps on the front hood of the car - sitting on it to keep Christine from speaking.
JR Lupei:
What was that?
Bogdan Tomas:
Uh. I was just saying - "is he for real." I can't believe you are real - I too covet this silly corn cup and am shocked that the boss I admire so much has similar aspirations.
JR Lupei:
The winner gets a breast implant. I'm still paying off a few of my exes. I've spent more on those things over the years then most men, but this is the first time I footed the bill on a race team for one.
Christine:
What a pig.
Norm now sits on Christine's hood to keep her commentary in check. JR again looks back.
JR Lupei:
EXCUSE ME?
Norm Krabbe:
Um. Just thinking about all your ex wives letting themselves go.
JR Lupei:
You don't know the half of it. Point is, you all want job security? Then win me that boob! I will have to wait a WHOLE YEAR for you to win NEXT Night of Champion's Silicon Cup to really enjoy myself, but as I sit for a set, that is a real contract extension for you grease monkeys.
Unable to hold her tongue, the force with which Christine opens her hood knocks Norm off.
Christine:
He might as well wear his oedipus complex on his sleeve.
Norm and Bogdan practically drape themselves across the hood to keep it shut, while Christine struggles to speak her peace.
JR Lupei:
I do like accessories - wait - (turning back around) what?
Norm Krabbe:
We'll get you that Cup sir.
JR Lupei:
Win or lose. The important thing is you have fun.
JR laughs at his own joke, while Christine contemplates vehicular homicide.
MOTHER! The car
MOTHER! The car