CAR & Bull (NoC)
Jul 22, 2020 7:10:45 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by h2f on Jul 22, 2020 7:10:45 GMT -5
Whoever came up with the idea to go to Mexico in the middle of summer is a horrible person and should not be in charge of the winter network event, or they will send us to Alaska. I’ve spent the past day and a half poolside in my furkini making incoherent noises and I blame the heat. I haven’t seen much of my family since we left North Carolina and I feel like that should upset me more than it does given that I room with my cousin, Abby.
I stretch in an attempt to get up. My body seems weirdly tired and my tongue seems fuzzy but what is stopping me most seems to be that I’m suctioned to the lounge chair by my own sweat. In time, I manage to pull myself free, though I feel a little dizzy, and head towards the hotel’s parking lot. This heat is really doing a number on me.
The cool wind is on my face and I adjust my bear ears headband to keep the flyaways* from going in my eyes. I’m looking around for my cousin when I hear the muffled high pitched squeal of a young girl in distress. Thinking of Abby I head for the sound, though I’ve haven't known her to squeal that high pitched before.
I find Abby but she’s not the one squealing. Instead she’s driving the Tiger Beetle while pulling one of the bull statues on a cart behind her.
The cart isn’t the one squealing either. Hog tied to the head of the bull and a gag in his mouth is the blond one of grandma’s boys. I really should learn his name given that I know the cute one is called Forest and that Abby said Forest asked her out. It seems rude not to know the other’s name.
I meet up with the car and bull after their next lap. “Abby, we’ve talked about asking people before we tied them up before.”
Abby sticks her head out the window and looks back at me. “Consent occurs when one person voluntarily agrees.“
I squint at him and pull out his sock gag. “You agreed to this. Why?”
He tried to grab the sock back but is still firmly tied to the bull’s head. “Yes, given it back we are in the middle of a big, very big, test. We need to make sure that the new stuff I did will help the car handle all the bull. There will be a lot of bull to handle in the race.”
My uncle and Forest walk out of the hotel with a phone on speaker between them; the person on speaker is speaking Spanish and Forest seems to be nodding in understanding as they head towards us.
I look at the man tied to a giant statue for a moment trying to understand. What test? Why are we changing the car now? But more importantly “why are you tied to the head of the bull?”
He makes an aggravated sound. “Because I need to know how the bull is reacting, not the car. The car, and everything in it, are perfect. But this bull is acting weird.”
That almost makes sense. “But why not ride the bull instead of having Abby tie you to the head? And why ask her to gag you with a sock?”
My uncle and Forest are close enough now that I can hear Forest translating something to my uncle.
I see Mr. I-still-don’t-know-his-name try to look at his watch but, again, still tied to the head of a bull. “Because I have soft parts and this bull is hard in an uncomfortable way! I’m glad you have flushed the plane from your system because the race is in a few days but please let us work here.”
Flushed the plane from my system? I turn to Abby to help figure it out.
She’s glaring at him for some reason. Abby looks at me with pity. “What can you remember from the plane ride?”
The plane was pre-boarding for small children and all I wanted to do was run to the bathroom again. Maybe if I keep pacing I can distract myself from knowing I’m about to be locked in a tin can and thrown into the sky. I am not a tiger in a small cage but boy can I relate. I pass Abby and head back around towards Memaw. I need to remember why I’m going on this hopefully not one way trip. Deep breaths. We are the face of this fed for a reason. Sure we haven’t won any of the qualifiers but this is a totally different type of race. Mother, that phantom menace, won’t be able to pull the bull better than us because no one can bull their way through better than us. We are one with the bull, we are full of bull.
Wait.
Back and forth. This race was ours to win. Just because those scientists have beat us each race does not mean their car can accelerate while pulling something heavy faster than ours.Science has a lot to learn from the beauty and elegance of the natural world. We are wild and free. But not right now. No, right now I’m about to lock myself in a flying metal bird that will be vibrating the whole time.
I take a deep breath through my mask next to Memaw; maybe I should have taken the doctor up on those calming pills. She throws her arm out to get my attention.
“Britney, my dear granddaughter. You look stressed. Are you feeling well?”
I glare at her but don’t speak because she knows. She KNOWS I don’t like the idea of this plane ride.
“Here, have a tic tac.” she holds out an altoids tin with one mint left. I take the little round offering as she gestures for me to sit next to her. I look at my walking path one more time before planting my behind next to her and shoving the mint in my mouth.
At first the mint tastes like another altoid but it becomes...off. It doesn’t taste like a mint anymore.
I turn towards Memaw. “Memaw, this mint tastes weird. Did it expire?”
She looks down at the tin and then at me. “I’m sure it’s fine for you honey. Just swallow and relax into the chair with me. I’ll do some calming breathing exercises with you. Breath in deep, two, three four. Now out, two, three, four, five, six.”
It was about 15 minutes before we boarded and those breathing exercises worked great. I was so calm that I actually managed to sleep on the plane ride. It was by far the best plane ride in my life. And I slept through most of the car ride from the airport too. Maybe the breathing exercises should be a daily exercise for me.
Wait.
Back and forth. This race was ours to win. Just because those scientists have beat us each race does not mean their car can accelerate while pulling something heavy faster than ours.Science has a lot to learn from the beauty and elegance of the natural world. We are wild and free. But not right now. No, right now I’m about to lock myself in a flying metal bird that will be vibrating the whole time.
I take a deep breath through my mask next to Memaw; maybe I should have taken the doctor up on those calming pills. She throws her arm out to get my attention.
“Britney, my dear granddaughter. You look stressed. Are you feeling well?”
I glare at her but don’t speak because she knows. She KNOWS I don’t like the idea of this plane ride.
“Here, have a tic tac.” she holds out an altoids tin with one mint left. I take the little round offering as she gestures for me to sit next to her. I look at my walking path one more time before planting my behind next to her and shoving the mint in my mouth.
At first the mint tastes like another altoid but it becomes...off. It doesn’t taste like a mint anymore.
I turn towards Memaw. “Memaw, this mint tastes weird. Did it expire?”
She looks down at the tin and then at me. “I’m sure it’s fine for you honey. Just swallow and relax into the chair with me. I’ll do some calming breathing exercises with you. Breath in deep, two, three four. Now out, two, three, four, five, six.”
It was about 15 minutes before we boarded and those breathing exercises worked great. I was so calm that I actually managed to sleep on the plane ride. It was by far the best plane ride in my life. And I slept through most of the car ride from the airport too. Maybe the breathing exercises should be a daily exercise for me.
“It wasn’t the breathing exercises.” I realize now what I should have realized before.
Abby takes a deep breath. “And watch what you eat and drink. Most major sedatives can be dissolved in coke and you wouldn’t taste anything off. Though you should be able to see the little pieces at the bottom if you bothered to look.”
Memaw had brought me a coke last night as a nightcap; she insisted I shotgun it. I thought it was weird because the caffeine should have prevented me from sleeping but I slept great all night. It must have been the drugs I had been prescribed by my doctor. She said they may cause drowsiness but would help me. I just hadn’t wanted to take them until I was on the plane and then I felt so relaxed I didn’t think I needed them. I guess I did.
A thud made me look over at the dude still tied to the bull’s head. “Hey! This is great and all but can we get back to the test, please? I need to figure out if the zoom has too much boom, yea? And back up, you aren’t helping to drive.”
Abby scoffed. “Newly prescribed sedatives increase the risk of crash to almost drunk levels.”
My uncle looks up at us at that comment. “I’m sorry, what?”
The dude on the bull makes an annoyed sound. “No. We don’t have time for all this. Give me back my sock so we can continue the test. We don’t have long before I have to go do the thing.”
I look down at the sock in my hand. “Why would you want to use a sock when there are so many other, better, things to put in your mouth? This is just weird.”
“Hey,” my uncle shouts. “Don’t kink shame. You should know better. We raised you better.”
Abby shouts back at him “Does this look like my kind of bondage to you?”
The dude still tied to the head of the bull statue groans and looks over at Forest. “Mother of days. I don’t have time for this. Can I borrow a sock, güey. Also, that phrase you are having problems with means that pendejo was drunk yesterday and is super hungover.”
Forest looks like he is having a sudden realization and his whole life now makes sense. At least that’s one of us.
My uncle is back to yelling. “You speak fluent SPANISH? Why the ever loving hell are we the ones talking to people when you are fluent in Spanish?”
“Mierda” The dude who's name I still didn’t know mutters before yelling to my cousin, “Gun it! Go! Charge!”
I watch the Tiger Beetle take off at a surprisingly good speed as they attempt to outrun my uncle now chasing after them.
I nod at Forest. “Well, I have a race to get ready for.”
*short new growth hairs or broken hairs on a head with long hair that flyaway from the main body of hair.