For it is not dead, that which can eternal drive...
Aug 5, 2020 16:55:21 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 1 more like this
Post by bloodiedfox on Aug 5, 2020 16:55:21 GMT -5
We find ourselves in the eldritch garage of the Esoteric Order of Driving. The unearthly, blasphemous form of The Car That Should Not Be sits within a pentagram ringed with candles. Droning chants in obscene tongues fill the air. Resident Biomechanic Dr Dilbert East fusses about the living vehicle, jabbing it here and there with syringes full of some luminescent green fluid; while Eldritch Enchantment Expert Bob the Immortal (Because He is a Book) flutters about, pages waving anxiously.
Careful with that needle, Dilbert, you blundering oaf! No track marks must mar the hideous beauty of this four wheeled avatar of the Great Old Ones as it races to victory in The Sippy Cup Qualifier Number 3!
Silence, Bob, you overdue Celaeno library loan! My injection skills are second to none! Focus on your own work. All our talents must combine to ensure victory. Our sponsor...
He turns to look directly into the camera.
...who is definitely not The Freemasons...
He turns back to Bob.
...will not settle for anything else!
Bob harrumphs (which is impressive for a book).
Let's just hope we can rely on our driver. Where is that stupid sexy werewolf?
Just then, said stupid sexy werewolf, Armbishi enters, along with a flock of adoring fangirls. Or fanboys. They're wearing fursuits so honestly it's hard to tell exactly.
UwU!!! What's up, cult buddies?!
Armbishi, you damn himbo! Stop bringing your furry harem into our secret dark temple! We have serious work to do before our first race!
Armbishi makes puppy dog eyes, but this does not sway Bob, because he is a book, and books and puppies are sworn enemies. So he ushers the disappointed fursuiters out, hopefully not in the direction of the shoggoth pit.
Good, now we must focus, for the competition will be fierce. There are 6 other teams in the race, all with more experience than us, and in many cases advanced technology. However, they shall be no match for our mighty mythos magic!
And I'm much more yiffy and murry purry than the fursuit ladies and the gay porn penis beetle guys combined! >:3
...I feel dumber for having heard that.
For once I agree with you, Dilbert. However, we may have bigger problems than Armbishi's anthropomorphic antics, for the whisperers in the darkness tell me that one of our opponents has their own supernatural advantage, for their car is haunted. Personally, I suspect it is the team known as Escapism Sorority, because as we all know women cannot drive. Plus they dress like whores.
Dilbert and Armbishi stare at Bob.
...What? You're giving me that look again; the one you both gave me when I told you what my cat was called.
The Optional Race Enhancer Questions (explained in other post on roleplay rules):
1. Which end of the dragon concerns you more?: The rear, because we suspect Armbishi has an anal vore kink.
2. How fire resistant is your crew?: I've covered everyone with anti-flammability charms, so they should be fine.
3. Do you have a plan to get past The Balls?: The Non-Euclidean Telemetry should see us avoid any collisions.
4. How will your team respond to winning?: Tummy scritches and nuzzles for everybody!!!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?: That would be bad. Our sponsor (who is definitely not The Freemasons) would turn their ire upon us. Also we'd have to up the virgin sacrifices, and finding virgins is getting harder because Armbishi keeps seducing everyone.
Careful with that needle, Dilbert, you blundering oaf! No track marks must mar the hideous beauty of this four wheeled avatar of the Great Old Ones as it races to victory in The Sippy Cup Qualifier Number 3!
Silence, Bob, you overdue Celaeno library loan! My injection skills are second to none! Focus on your own work. All our talents must combine to ensure victory. Our sponsor...
He turns to look directly into the camera.
...who is definitely not The Freemasons...
He turns back to Bob.
...will not settle for anything else!
Bob harrumphs (which is impressive for a book).
Let's just hope we can rely on our driver. Where is that stupid sexy werewolf?
Just then, said stupid sexy werewolf, Armbishi enters, along with a flock of adoring fangirls. Or fanboys. They're wearing fursuits so honestly it's hard to tell exactly.
UwU!!! What's up, cult buddies?!
Armbishi, you damn himbo! Stop bringing your furry harem into our secret dark temple! We have serious work to do before our first race!
Armbishi makes puppy dog eyes, but this does not sway Bob, because he is a book, and books and puppies are sworn enemies. So he ushers the disappointed fursuiters out, hopefully not in the direction of the shoggoth pit.
Good, now we must focus, for the competition will be fierce. There are 6 other teams in the race, all with more experience than us, and in many cases advanced technology. However, they shall be no match for our mighty mythos magic!
And I'm much more yiffy and murry purry than the fursuit ladies and the gay porn penis beetle guys combined! >:3
...I feel dumber for having heard that.
For once I agree with you, Dilbert. However, we may have bigger problems than Armbishi's anthropomorphic antics, for the whisperers in the darkness tell me that one of our opponents has their own supernatural advantage, for their car is haunted. Personally, I suspect it is the team known as Escapism Sorority, because as we all know women cannot drive. Plus they dress like whores.
Dilbert and Armbishi stare at Bob.
...What? You're giving me that look again; the one you both gave me when I told you what my cat was called.
The Optional Race Enhancer Questions (explained in other post on roleplay rules):
1. Which end of the dragon concerns you more?: The rear, because we suspect Armbishi has an anal vore kink.
2. How fire resistant is your crew?: I've covered everyone with anti-flammability charms, so they should be fine.
3. Do you have a plan to get past The Balls?: The Non-Euclidean Telemetry should see us avoid any collisions.
4. How will your team respond to winning?: Tummy scritches and nuzzles for everybody!!!
5. How will your team respond to not winning?: That would be bad. Our sponsor (who is definitely not The Freemasons) would turn their ire upon us. Also we'd have to up the virgin sacrifices, and finding virgins is getting harder because Armbishi keeps seducing everyone.