Truth Egg (Don't Fear The Reaper, Rock & Roll!)
Oct 2, 2020 2:11:59 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 4 more like this
Post by mosler on Oct 2, 2020 2:11:59 GMT -5
(The long road from Ascension to Rebellion.)
(The busiest freelancer on the XHF Network who isn’t Brad Swann sits in the passenger seat of a rusty brown 1984 Ford Bronco II. The giant inflatable T-Rex head peaks out of the sunroof. “The Dread Lord” Dinosaur Bones enjoys the wind in his figurative hair, while scarfing down entirely too much fast food.)
(Five hundred chicken nuggets. Only from Wendy’s value menu. God he needs a win so that he can enjoy life in the McDonald’s fast lane drive thru. These knockoff nuggets taste like they are made out of champagne coloured slime instead of the healthy pink variety that his immortal nemesis Ronald Mac uses. In the driver’s seat is Bones long suffering manager, elderly cowboy “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes.)
Dinosaur Bones: What is my next feeding ground?
Bill Stokes: I got you pencilled in for Rebel Rock.
Dinosaur Bones: A battle of the bands.
Bill Stokes: Nah, rasslin. You in a band now?
Dinosaur Bones: I am the lead singer of a Blue Oyster Cult tribute band.
(…)
Bill Stokes: ...You struck me as more of a metal h-
Dinosaur Bones: The Red Clam Sorority.
Bill Stokes: You don’t say?
Dinosaur Bones: Second most popular Blue Oyster Cult tribute band in the Tri-state area. (dramatic pause) I will rend the bones of the Red Lobster Sect. Their days at the top of the Oyster fan food chain are numbered. I can already taste the Sect's marrow.
Bill Stokes: You know I play a mean cow bell.
(...)
Dinosaur Bones: ...
(…)
Bill Stokes: If you needed, I could-
Dinosaur Bones: So if I am not at RRW in my capacity as a rockstar, who am I wrestling?
Bill Stokes: Jimmy Vanguard.
Dinosaur Bones: *THE* JIMMY VANGUARD?!
Bill Stokes: Uh, yeah.
Dinosaur Bones: The movie star?
Bill Stokes: Well, he has a reputation of appearing in some moving pictures. I wouldn’t really call him a st-
Dinosaur Bones: Jimmy Vanguard is one of the greatest dramatic actors I have ever had the treat of viewing. What an impressive specimen. A true testament to your species! If these ocular cavities still housed organic material, Vanguard would cause liquids to flow from them.
Bill Stokes: Not my kind of movies.
Dinosaur Bones: I cannot recommend More Dirty Debutants 19 enough.
Bill Stokes: I’m not really comfortable with where this conversation is going, partner.
Dinosaur Bones: Or Joy’s European Vacation 287. Joy travels to Europe so frequently, she should move there.
Bill Stokes: I really didn’t expect you to go in for those marital aids.
Dinosaur Bones: Now all you mammals look the same to me, so it may have been a costar - but there is one sequence in Joy, in which Mr. Vanguard mounts a smaller fleshling and attempts to crush her. Her screams of torture? Magnificent! Do you think it would be unbecoming of the supreme being on the planet to... request an autograph? I am not often starstruck, but you should witness the pain he inflicts!
(...)
Bill Stokes: So you think he’s killing the girls in those pictures?
Dinosaur Bones: I am no expert, but I believe you call them Snuff? That Jimmy Vanguard, he’s wonderful.
Bill Stokes: You know he’s an adult movie star. I mean, you realize they are mating right?
(Even if the inflatable suit had a wide range of emotions, Bones would be staring at Tumbleweed blankly.)
Dinosaur Bones: Come again?
Bill Stokes: Those movies. Vanguard is having sex in them.
Dinosaur Bones: So that is how you primates-
Bill Stokes: Yes.
(Wait for it.)
Dinosaur Bones: Well that explains a-
URGH-
(Opening his rubber mouth, Dinosaur Bones lets out a stream of vomit.)
Bill Stokes: NOT THE UPHOLSTERY!
Dinosaur Bone: I had no id-UUUUUUUURGH!
(The vomit has the stead stream of a fire hose. It’s mostly red streamers and undigested knockoff chicken nuggets – but it is so over the top, that the ford is soon filling up with the crap.)
Bill Stokes: DID YOU THINK WE DID IT EXTERNALLY?
Dinosaur Bones: YES! STOP! STOP! URRRRRRRRRRGH! YOU’RE KIL- BLLLLLLARGH- YOU’RE KILLING ME!
(The car swerves off the road.)
(The passenger door swings open, the fake sick flooding out. The giant inflatable dinosaur continues to get sick on the side of the road, before turning to the camera with a snarl.)
Dinosaur Bones: ...
JIMMY VANGUARD!
I HAVE SEEN HOW YOU TRIED TO SURVIVE OUR ENCOUNTER! POISON MY THOUGHTS, HOPE I DIE BEFORE I GET TO THE RING! IT ALMOST WORKED! A CUNNING SCHEME WORTHY OF A SILVER SCREEN HERO, FLESHLING! WHILE YOU DID COUNT ON HOW REVOLTING THE APE FORM IS TO ME, AND MY PERFECTLY REASONABLE REACTION TO YOUR HORRIFIC MATING PRACTICES, HUMAN - YOU UNDERESTIMATED ONE THING! I AM ALREADY DEAD! BRING ON YOUR PSYCHIC ATTACKS!
YOU JUST MADE ME LOSE MY LUNCH! YOU OWE ME TWO THOUSAND BIRD EMBRYO SANDWICHES! YOU USED TO BE MY FAVOURITE MAMMAL, JIMMY, BUT I HAVE JUST HAD MY WORLD SHATTERED! I GUESS IT IS TRUE WHAT THEY SAY – NEVER MEET YOUR HEROES! WELL I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR DISAPPOINTING ME, FOR RUINING YOUR WHOLE DAMNED LESSER SPECIES FOR ME! I WILL FEAST ON YOUR ENTRAILS! BUT AS YOU VIEW ME CHOWING DOWN ON YOUR LOWER INTESTINES DO NOT GET THE WRONG IDEA, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN MAT-
(More violent throwing up.)
Dinosaur Bones: Ugh. Fucking apes.
(Bones is losing a lot of calories over this birds and the bees revelation. He is going to have to make them up somewhere.)
Dinosaur Bones: ...damn it.
(Yeah, The Dread Lord's going to be trying to expunge the images of his favourite snuff films for a while.)
(Rock and Roll!)
(The busiest freelancer on the XHF Network who isn’t Brad Swann sits in the passenger seat of a rusty brown 1984 Ford Bronco II. The giant inflatable T-Rex head peaks out of the sunroof. “The Dread Lord” Dinosaur Bones enjoys the wind in his figurative hair, while scarfing down entirely too much fast food.)
(Five hundred chicken nuggets. Only from Wendy’s value menu. God he needs a win so that he can enjoy life in the McDonald’s fast lane drive thru. These knockoff nuggets taste like they are made out of champagne coloured slime instead of the healthy pink variety that his immortal nemesis Ronald Mac uses. In the driver’s seat is Bones long suffering manager, elderly cowboy “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes.)
Dinosaur Bones: What is my next feeding ground?
Bill Stokes: I got you pencilled in for Rebel Rock.
Dinosaur Bones: A battle of the bands.
Bill Stokes: Nah, rasslin. You in a band now?
Dinosaur Bones: I am the lead singer of a Blue Oyster Cult tribute band.
(…)
Bill Stokes: ...You struck me as more of a metal h-
Dinosaur Bones: The Red Clam Sorority.
Bill Stokes: You don’t say?
Dinosaur Bones: Second most popular Blue Oyster Cult tribute band in the Tri-state area. (dramatic pause) I will rend the bones of the Red Lobster Sect. Their days at the top of the Oyster fan food chain are numbered. I can already taste the Sect's marrow.
Bill Stokes: You know I play a mean cow bell.
(...)
Dinosaur Bones: ...
(…)
Bill Stokes: If you needed, I could-
Dinosaur Bones: So if I am not at RRW in my capacity as a rockstar, who am I wrestling?
Bill Stokes: Jimmy Vanguard.
Dinosaur Bones: *THE* JIMMY VANGUARD?!
Bill Stokes: Uh, yeah.
Dinosaur Bones: The movie star?
Bill Stokes: Well, he has a reputation of appearing in some moving pictures. I wouldn’t really call him a st-
Dinosaur Bones: Jimmy Vanguard is one of the greatest dramatic actors I have ever had the treat of viewing. What an impressive specimen. A true testament to your species! If these ocular cavities still housed organic material, Vanguard would cause liquids to flow from them.
Bill Stokes: Not my kind of movies.
Dinosaur Bones: I cannot recommend More Dirty Debutants 19 enough.
Bill Stokes: I’m not really comfortable with where this conversation is going, partner.
Dinosaur Bones: Or Joy’s European Vacation 287. Joy travels to Europe so frequently, she should move there.
Bill Stokes: I really didn’t expect you to go in for those marital aids.
Dinosaur Bones: Now all you mammals look the same to me, so it may have been a costar - but there is one sequence in Joy, in which Mr. Vanguard mounts a smaller fleshling and attempts to crush her. Her screams of torture? Magnificent! Do you think it would be unbecoming of the supreme being on the planet to... request an autograph? I am not often starstruck, but you should witness the pain he inflicts!
(...)
Bill Stokes: So you think he’s killing the girls in those pictures?
Dinosaur Bones: I am no expert, but I believe you call them Snuff? That Jimmy Vanguard, he’s wonderful.
Bill Stokes: You know he’s an adult movie star. I mean, you realize they are mating right?
(Even if the inflatable suit had a wide range of emotions, Bones would be staring at Tumbleweed blankly.)
Dinosaur Bones: Come again?
Bill Stokes: Those movies. Vanguard is having sex in them.
Dinosaur Bones: So that is how you primates-
Bill Stokes: Yes.
(Wait for it.)
Dinosaur Bones: Well that explains a-
URGH-
(Opening his rubber mouth, Dinosaur Bones lets out a stream of vomit.)
Bill Stokes: NOT THE UPHOLSTERY!
Dinosaur Bone: I had no id-UUUUUUUURGH!
(The vomit has the stead stream of a fire hose. It’s mostly red streamers and undigested knockoff chicken nuggets – but it is so over the top, that the ford is soon filling up with the crap.)
Bill Stokes: DID YOU THINK WE DID IT EXTERNALLY?
Dinosaur Bones: YES! STOP! STOP! URRRRRRRRRRGH! YOU’RE KIL- BLLLLLLARGH- YOU’RE KILLING ME!
(The car swerves off the road.)
(The passenger door swings open, the fake sick flooding out. The giant inflatable dinosaur continues to get sick on the side of the road, before turning to the camera with a snarl.)
Dinosaur Bones: ...
JIMMY VANGUARD!
I HAVE SEEN HOW YOU TRIED TO SURVIVE OUR ENCOUNTER! POISON MY THOUGHTS, HOPE I DIE BEFORE I GET TO THE RING! IT ALMOST WORKED! A CUNNING SCHEME WORTHY OF A SILVER SCREEN HERO, FLESHLING! WHILE YOU DID COUNT ON HOW REVOLTING THE APE FORM IS TO ME, AND MY PERFECTLY REASONABLE REACTION TO YOUR HORRIFIC MATING PRACTICES, HUMAN - YOU UNDERESTIMATED ONE THING! I AM ALREADY DEAD! BRING ON YOUR PSYCHIC ATTACKS!
YOU JUST MADE ME LOSE MY LUNCH! YOU OWE ME TWO THOUSAND BIRD EMBRYO SANDWICHES! YOU USED TO BE MY FAVOURITE MAMMAL, JIMMY, BUT I HAVE JUST HAD MY WORLD SHATTERED! I GUESS IT IS TRUE WHAT THEY SAY – NEVER MEET YOUR HEROES! WELL I AM GOING TO MAKE YOU PAY FOR DISAPPOINTING ME, FOR RUINING YOUR WHOLE DAMNED LESSER SPECIES FOR ME! I WILL FEAST ON YOUR ENTRAILS! BUT AS YOU VIEW ME CHOWING DOWN ON YOUR LOWER INTESTINES DO NOT GET THE WRONG IDEA, I AM NOT INTERESTED IN MAT-
(More violent throwing up.)
Dinosaur Bones: Ugh. Fucking apes.
(Bones is losing a lot of calories over this birds and the bees revelation. He is going to have to make them up somewhere.)
Dinosaur Bones: ...damn it.
(Yeah, The Dread Lord's going to be trying to expunge the images of his favourite snuff films for a while.)
(Rock and Roll!)