Wednesday Night Inferno, Episode #1 [The Kindling: 10/7]
Oct 7, 2020 19:39:04 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 7 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Oct 7, 2020 19:39:04 GMT -5
Washington: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to FIRESIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
The camera opens on a new era of professional wrestling. FIRESIDE's ring announcer, Marcus Washington, is standing in the center of the ring, dressed in a sharp tuxedo.
Washington: Lighting the fire tonight is your friend and mine, the owner of FIRESIDE, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, he is ANTHOONYYYYY CAFFFRREEEYYYY!
As the socially-distanced fans roar in the converted warehouse arena, the camera pans to the top of the ramp. Next to the entranceway is a huge circular bowl. The owner is already standing there, waving and welcoming the crowd.
Anthony Caffrey: Ladies and gentlemen, I have one question for you tonight… HOW YOU DOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN’?
The Philadelphia crowd roars for their boy. He has certainly grown, waving them off.
Anthony Caffrey: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I welcome you to Wednesday Night Inferno, The Kindling, and the first episode of FIRESIDE. You all see this bowl in front of me, as tonight I am the one lighting the fire. Each edition, to start our show, someone will get the first words to set the stage, welcome you all, and start the show by lighting this flame. This flame will burn all night long, just like our competitors.
The crowd pops louder.
Anthony Caffrey: Tonight, I had planned on giving you all a long, long speech… but the more I’ve gotten to know these wrestlers, the more I’ve seen them training in the ring or speaking in front of a camera, the more I know that they are fully capable of telling their own story. So tonight, I invite all of you to come along for the ride. I invite you to take a break from all the shit going on in the world and experience our favorite thing together. Over the next coming weeks, months, and even years, you’re about to experience FIRESIDE: a place where the fire burns, the competition is fierce, and everyone has a place to call home.
Caffrey raises the handheld device, about to light the fire. He teases the crowd just a bit.
Anthony Caffrey: And finally tonight -- if you’re watching this wherever you are in the world and you have that talent, that ability, the drive to do what we do… get in touch. If you have a contract on the table, you better sign it and bring it back. I’ve gathered old faces that everyone knows, new faces that everyone will know, and a whole group of hungry wrestlers with heart that want to show the world what they can do. Get in now, while you still can -- I can afford so many people!
He laughs a very owner-ly laugh, making a joke that only gets a few laughs. He knows what the crowd is waiting for.
Anthony Caffrey: So with all of that said, turning it over to Oliver and UnJoo... LET’S LIGHT A FIRE!
Caffrey places the device into the bowl of oil, lighting the fire. The crowd is fairly spaced out, but the roar could be heard all over the city. Caffrey takes a short look at the flame and smiles, waving to the crowd as he disappears to the back.
Wright: As it's already been said, welcome! I'm Oliver Wright with the play-by-play, alongside UnJoo Park here on color commentary!
Park: This is gonna be a good night! I can feel---
The show feed suddenly changes over to live footage from the FIRESIDE parking lot. Outside, resident interviewer Walter Stanford is on his phone pacing back and forth.
Walter Stanford: I'm telling you dearest, it is some malarkey.
Stanford clearly has no idea he's on camera. He leans against a car.
Stanford: Over twenty years of experience and they've got me interviewing people. Interviewing! And not even on the debut show! I got to interview Lancaster and Constantine before, but nothing on the show itself!
His phone starts vibrating. He does his best to ignore it.
Stanford: Maybe I should pack it in dear. That dumbass is gonna last three shows tops. Hang on. I've got another call.
He hits a button on his phone.
Stanford: This is Walter.
Over the next thirty seconds, even the grainy security camera footage reveals Walter losing all of his complexion. He looks around wildly, before finally looking up and spotting the camera.
Walter Stanford: You little-
Wright: Sorry about that folks! We've managed to fix the feed and solve those technical dfficulties.
Park: I have a feeling we're not as sorry as Stanford's going to be. Big yikes.
The scene is pre-recorded backstage a few hours before the first ever Fireside show starts. Inside a locker room, Piledriver Pete is putting his stuff away. Walking into the locker room, carrying a bag is Powerbomb Paul. Soon as he sees who’s inside he drops the bag and walks over to the man.
Powerbomb Paul: YO! Pete! Huge fan! Even though I'm sure you don’t know me.
Piledriver Pete: Oh, really? That’s funny, i’m a huge fan of yours as well!
Powerbomb Paul: HOLY SHIT really? Dude, that's EPIC! Where’d you know me from?
Piledriver Pete: Those promos I saw from you the past few weeks man. They lit a fire in my gut and inspired me!
Powerbomb Paul: Bro….that's amazing to hear. Really is! Like, as soon as I saw you I KNEW we had a connection!
Piledriver Pete: You’re damn right we do! You, the greatest to ever hit a powerbomb. Me, the best piledriver ever. I really respect your dedication to your move.
Powerbomb Paul: Feelings mutual comprade! I just wanna also let you know that, even if we are on opposite sides out there? Wouldn't change a thing! I have this gut feeling like you and I are destined to tag!
Piledriver Pete: Yeah, same here brother. We’re like two peas in a pod. Destiny had us joining FIRESIDE for a reason, i tell you what.
Powerbomb Paul: Hell yeah! Now all we need is an epic name…
Piledriver Pete: Hmm… a name?
He thinks to himself. Powerbomb Paul also thinks to himself while looking around the room….he suddenly sees a can of energy drink that’s labeled Bulldog Power. It happens to be by a computer with a usb thumb drive sticking out.
Powerbomb Paul: I GOT IT! PowerDriver!
Piledriver Pete: PowerDriver, eh?
He thinks for a moment.
Piledriver Pete: You know what? I think you’re onto something. I love it!
Powerbomb Paul: Right? I’ve got the power, and you have the drive! PowerDriver! My bro, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. AND tag team!
Paul claps a hand onto the shoulder of Pete, and the two converse further as we fade out.
Wright: What do you think of the name PowerDriver?
Park: It's a name, for sure, but these two could end up on opposite sides in the Kindling tonight. Teams have been randomly generated.
Wright: We might even see them do battle! Anything in the name of taking one step closer to the FIRESIDE World Championship!
Cowboy: I’m tellin’ ya Mr. Caffrey, just give me a chance! Let the world see what Titanium can do! The three most iconic letters of FIRESIDE will be B-T-K!
Fans watching live who are vaguely familiar with Bucky “Titanium” Knight let out a few cheers. Caffrey leans back in his chair.
Caffrey: I mean, not to be blunt, but the wrestlers here in FIRESIDE have talent, ability, and potential… and uh…
Knight: I’m tellin’ ya Mr. Caffrey, just give me a chance! I will beat anybody, any time, anywhere!
Caffrey’s interest is piqued.
Caffrey: Well with one of our matches next week at Jack’s Pumpkin Glow over in Fairmount…
There is a knock at the door.
Caffrey: Come in!
The knock at the door is answered and the door opens, dressed in his finest Versace Barocco Acanthus Print Silk Blazer and skin-tight black jeans with additional rips near the knees and black and white Vans, the face is very familiar to some fans watching live as they let out a wild cheer for Hayden Callahan.
Caffrey: Well, well, well… I thought your invitation got lost in the mail.
Callahan: You knew I’d be here, now what business do we have to attend to-
Hayden just gives a quick glance over to Bucky, rolls his eyes and then directs his focus back to Caffrey.
Callahan: I wasn’t aware you had visitors, Anthony.
Caffrey: That's Caffrey to you -- don’t mind Bucky here. He was just telling me about how much being in FIRESIDE would mean to him, weren’t you?
Both Caffrey and Callahan place their focus on BTK.
Knight: Hell yeah! I’m tellin’ ya, guys. Bein’ here in FIRESIDE would mean the world to me and I’d love nothin’ more but to get down and dirty with the talent here.
Callahan: Excuse me, if you don’t mind.
Caffrey nods his head.
Callahan: If we’re talking about how bad we want the place here on the FIRESIDE Roster- let me explain to you where I’ve been for the past while. I’ve been stuck sidelined with a tweaked knee I had suffered since that three way for the mask you have on your wall there, Anthony. Since then, I’ve been sitting at home, wondering when I’ll come back- even if I’ll come back to SWAT, and then I saw what seemed to have been a major walk out on the company. The thing was- times never changed, it was the same old corrupted shit that was there before, and would have always been there. I needed a place to expand myself, to be treated like the goddamn fucking star I am.
Callahan smiles.
Callahan: Which is why I’m here, in FIRESIDE, to prove to people that I wasn’t some walk in and walk out- act good, be good, end up a mediocre type of guy. You saw the annihilation I’ve brought to SWAT until after the Anzac Cup when I’ve lost my smile. Let me explain to you and your Brokeback Mountain looking fuck friend here--
Caffrey: That type of shit's not going to fly here, Callahan.
Callahan: What I’ve come to FIRESIDE for- world class takeover. I never intended to come to FIRESIDE and stay around all to have a laugh or anything, I came to actually fucking hurt people. I came to actually make sure that I leave my mark on anyone and everyone that’s put in front of me. I came to win titles, championships, etcetera. You name it, I want it. You name it, I take it. By force, I will take out whomever is at the top of the mountain, and by force- I will knock them right off and send them back down the mountain.
Caffrey: You're going to have to earn your way---
Callahan interrupts Caffrey with a simple hush.
Callahan: Oh no, I don’t believe in that now, Anthony- You know that better than anyone. But here, I’ll give you this as a parting gift from me to you.
Callahan reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pile of papers, the lettering reading “OFFICIAL CONTRACT” and at the bottom is the signature of Hayden Callahan.
Caffrey: I see you finally got around to handing this to me.
Callahan: I mean, I thought I’d give them to you in person. And now that I’m a member of your roster…
Callahan begins to slowly take off his blazer, unbuttoning a few buttons to his shirt- before grabbing Bucky and slamming him head first into a photo frame. The glass shatters and some of it lodged into the skin of Knight. Callahan stalks Knight as Caffrey watches on in shock, speechless as what was witnessed to his own eyes. Callahan grabs the laptop off of Caffrey’s desk and looks at the live footage, showing himself cracking Knight’s head into a photo frame. Callahan laughs at the sight.
Callahan: You see this, Anthony? The fans love it. Loathe in it. This is just a taste of what you should expect from me, of course, if you’re not already aware of it.
Caffrey: I’m already aware of it but you know yourself it's wrong-
Callahan looks to see Knight back to his feet, somewhat, as he swings the laptop to hit Knight upside the head with it.
Caffrey: Just stop! Stop it right now!
Callahan: Where’s the fun in that, huh? The more you tell me to stop, the more I’ll continue.
Callahan forces Bucky Knight to his feet, placing him in position and locking the arm into a Hammerlock position before spiking Knight on his head with Dead By Daylight to the floor. Caffrey stands up and his face is full of rage. Callahan doesn’t even call it quits, again forcing Knight to his feet and placing his head between Callahan’s legs.
Caffrey: STOP! That’s ENOUGH!
Callahan sighs.
Callahan: You know what, you’re right. This is enough… wait.. One second.
Callahan picks up Knight and powerbombs him right through the desk, breaking it into two.
Callahan: Yeah, that’s it.
Callahan looks to Caffrey’s eyes.
Callahan: I’m glad we could exchange some words, Anthony, just make sure that your entire roster is aware of the outcome and consequences of me being around. They’ll need eyes in the back of their heads.
A smile going from ear to ear grows on Callahan’s face as he picks up his blazer and leaves the room, Caffrey is left with a broken desk, glass shattered all over the floor and a pool of blood where Bucky "Titanium" Knight lays. Caffrey reaches down and helps Bucky back up.
Knight: Ow...
Caffrey: I'm sorry about him. He's a... a bit of a free spirit. I should probably get La-
He stops himself, having a better idea that won't involve him getting sued out of the building.
Caffrey: I tell you what. You sign this release, and I'll add you to the Kindling. Your team wins tonight, you not only advance, you get the contract you want. How about it?
Caffrey goes to reach into the desk, then realizes his contracts and releases are scattered all over the floor from Callahan putting Bucky through it. He spots one and hands it to Bucky. Bucky looks at the release for maybe three seconds before grabbing the pen.
Knight: Anybody, anytime, anywhere.
Wright: That damned Hayden Callahan making a hell of an impact!
Park: It was such a nice office before!
Wright: Caffrey's offering Bucky a chance of a lifetime tonight. Here's hoping for him.
Park: I just hope the guy can walk.
The sound of breaking glass.
Before the audience know what hit them a giant inflatable dinosaur costume lumbers through the crowd, knocking women and children to the floor with its massive tail. Guardrails are kicked over, allowing “The Dread Lord” Dinosaur Bones and his elderly cowboy manager, “Tumbleweed” Bill Stokes to enter the ringside area. Security guards don’t recognize these XHF scabs as the nuisances they are, and let them continue as part of the show. Given the sheer girth of his custom, the undead dinosaur takes his time entering the ring. Quicker, Stokes, who uses his titanium replacement, hips to roll under the bottom rope.
Bill Stokes: When you finish a long cattle run, and bunk down under the stars. Cold winds carrying to cries of wolves, as you lie back to catch some shut eye on that hard, HARD ground. Sometimes the only thing getting you down that trail is the fireside. <raises hat> Evening Fireside. Names Stokes. I represent the interests of my friend, Mister Bones.
Having finally gotten into the ring, Dinosaur Bones stomps across the ring, and climbs up to the second turnbuckle.
Bill Stokes: We are STILL on our rampage of the XHF Network, but I reckon we need a campfire to pit stop at. A feeding ground, if you cotton me.
From the second rung of the ring post, Bones thrusts out one of his tiny T-Rex arms. This prompts a plant in the audience to toss him a four pack of McNuggets. It misses. Bones is oblivious to this, so still has his arm out. A second bag finds its target, and a third. Posing, Bones takes his Austin antics to the next level, smashing the two four packs together like they were beers – and then tossing them back like they were tall boys. Most of the contents fall to the canvas.
Bill Stokes: So while our SCORCHED EARTH TOUR will continue – we have what you might call a side bet in store for Fireside.
Stokes raises an arm, holding up five fingers.
Bill Stokes: FIVE MINUTES TO LIVE!
500 words.
Bill Stokes: Can any Fireside rassler defeat The Dread Lord in five minutes?
500 words.
Bill Stokes: No gentlemanly agreements, he’d just as soon eat you as look at you. So if you think you have what it takes to hang with the XHF’s premier undead dinosaur. Let management know.
500 words.
Dinosaur Bones: TELL THEM ABOUT THE FABULOUS PRIZES!
Stokes shakes his head.
Bill Stokes: Bones here is promising fifty grand to the man who can best him in that time. Personally, I don’t think he’s good for it. So if you’re getting mangled for the moolah, maybe mosey on. If, however, you want to brag to your pals that you stopped the destroyer of worlds dead in his tracks – we’re here, and we’re waiting. So shut us up Fireside, or start marinating yourselves, because Bones is here for a hot meal.
Dinosaur Bones strikes a pose.
Wright: Dinosaur Bones is quite the beast. Who will be the first to take him on?
Park: I don't imagine that's a very long line Oliver.
A blonde individual, their face obscured sits in a rather elegant room illuminated with a hot, neon pink light. They sit with a leg crossed over the other- in front of them is the sight of flames within a fireplace. The masquerade-style masked person turns his head with an ever so slight smile in his eyes.
???: FIRESIDE, now… this? This is interesting. So many promotions claim that they're going to be the next greatest thing on the planet, but end up just being like any other place- but this one? This one seems promising. As if it could be revolutionary as if it has a chance to be something new; something different.
???: I see a lot of competitors are going to be out there tonight competing for a chance at being the inaugural Champion. A lot of them bring much to the table, uniqueness, skill, endurance, and more. Though, however, there's one thing missing from all of those names.
The blonde's handsome smile grew wider as he leaned his chin into his palm.
???: Not a single one of them is the Shining Star.
He then removes his masquerade mask, showing his androgynous features. The most notable being his seemingly glowing blue eye contacts.
MYOJIN: Oh, but where are my manners, dear audience? I'm MYOJIN. The one who'll be igniting a real fire in this place. The one you may not be familiar with right now, but believe me- You'll remember this name soon enough. Some will love me, some will hate me. But I promise you all one thing- through every move I make in this place, the spotlight will rest permanently on me.
MYOJIN: Now, unfortunately, I won't be able to compete for this chance at becoming the FIRESIDE World Champion, but it'll end up around my waist sooner than later. Caffrey made one of the best choices in his life giving me a contract.
MYOJIN: And I intend to prove it.
Wright: That is MYOJIN, who has already proven himself around the world, now making his residence in FIRESIDE.
Park: I've wrestled him before. He's a hell of a competitor. Most guys are just talk. He's the real deal.
Washington: The following contest is our main event, and the first round of the Kindling! Two teams of five will fight, competitors are eliminated via pinfall, submission, disqualification, or countout! Last team standing wins, and that team will move onto Round Two of the Kindling, our tournament to become the first FIRESIDE World Champion!
The crowd roars in anticipation.
Washington: Introducing first, from La Grange, Kentucky, weighing in at a massive 400 pounds, he is PILEDRIVER PEEEETEEEEE!
He walks down the ring as the fans react to him. “Piledriver Waltz” by Artic Monkeys is blaring on the speakers and his gear is glaring. Pete makes his way into the ring.
Wright: The first competitor in this match is the self-proclaimed King of the Piledriver, a man who has taken the phrase about practicing one kick a thousand themes to the extremes. Of course, he’s chosen piledrivers.
Park: All it takes is being dropped on your neck once to spend the night in the hospital.
Wright: Good luck lifting 400 pounds as well!
Washington: Introducing next, from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 190 pounds, he is EEELIJAAAAAAAAH TOWWNNNSEEENDD!
"Bleed American" by Jimmy Eat World hits the speakers as the fans pop-up in a cheer. As the song hits its slick guitar work, out comes Elijah Townsend with a smirk on his face, throwing up a fist at chest level and holding up his index finger to the camera as he makes his way down the ramp. As he reaches the middle of it, he slaps some fans’ hands before rolling into the ring. He hops up and down before ascending to the second rope, extending his arms as if to present himself, much to the approval of the crowd, before he hops down and throws off his jacket, handing it to a nearby member of the ring crew.
Wright: A free spirit living his life in a positive and judgement-free way, and you can see it’s already taken off for some members of our audience.
Park: It is 2020. We could really use more positivity. I just don’t know how well that translates to not getting your teeth kicked in during a match.
Washington: Introducing third, from Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in tonight at 252 pounds, he is ‘BTK’, he is BUCKY ‘TITANIUM’ KNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHTTTTT!
The crowd cheers as "Dead Man's Hand" by the Moonshine Bandits plays. The camera cuts backstage, where Bucky yells at Dr. Lagari that he’s going out anyway. He passes through the curtain to meet a cheering crowd, giving them a trademark “WELLL HOWWWWWWWWWWWW----------DDYYYYYYYYY” at the top of the ramp. He grabs his ribcage and slowly walks down to the ring, clearly still feeling the effects of Hayden Callahan’s brutal assault.
Wright: I’m not sure this is a smart decision, Unjoo. Hayden Callahan really did a number on Bucky, he can’t be in condition to compete tonight.
Park: Caffrey told him to his face that if his team won tonight, he’d become the newest member of FIRESIDE. You’ve got to grit your teeth and bear it. A contract here could change your life.
Wright: Speaking of Callahan, we are being told now he will be in action next show against one of our newest signings.
Park: I wish them luck against a man with intentions like his.
Washington: Introducing fourth, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 330 pounds, he is POOOOOWERBOMBBBB PAAAAAAAAAAULLLLLLLL!
He just heads straight to the ring. He has a single-minded focus on the ring, but his manager and construction yard friend Chet definitely is taking a few moments to soak it all in as he accompanies Paul down to the ring.
Wright: Fresh from the construction yard, Powerbomb Paul has been a wrestling fan for years and he’s apparently specialized in, of course, the Powerbomb!
Park: Good luck to him in his first match ever. Hell of a stage to start on. I’m sure Discipline is waiting to kick his ass for some of the things he’s said.
Wright: Like we said earlier, those giant tree-trunk like arms should come in handy.
Washington: Introducing fifth, from Portland, Oregon, weighing in at 157 pounds, he is ‘Devilish’ DONNNNNNY DEVILLLLLLLLLEE!
Hideki Naganuma’s Teknopathetic plays on the arena speakers as Donny comes out of the back with a cartwheel into a front flip and lands in the modern superhero pose looking out at the crowd. He nods to them briefly before springing forth and flipping his way down the ramp, each one adding more twists than the last, finally landing perfectly. He pulls the ropes down and uses them to launch himself on top before moonsaulting off of them, again landing in that hero pose as he waits.
Wright: Decked head to toe in the flag, the former Olympic gymnast is in action after about nine months off following the close of PSW. How will he fare in his first match back?
Park: He can carry his team if he shakes off the ring rust. He was PSW’s world champion. He has a shot to compete for the X-Crown whenever he wants it.
Wright: I’d like to see him against that Dylan Black guy. Based on the old tape, I think he could take him.
Washington: And their opponents… first, from Fukuoka, Japan, weighing in at 100 kilograms exactly, he is ‘The Golden Dragon’, KYOSUKEEEEEEEEEEE NAKATAAAAAAAA!
The opening piano melody rings out through the speakers as the lights don a golden hue, on the tron is a golden dragon- accustomed to the nickname of the man about to enter the arena. The roaring riffs of "Spartan X" then begin to echo throughout the arena along with the crowd's cheering as all the house lights shine down onto The Golden Dragon himself -- Kyosuke Nakata. The jewels on the shoulder padding reflect the lights that shine down onto Kyosuke, and the blue coat flows as Nakata makes his walk down to the ring.
Wright: Mentored by some of the greats including Nagata, Nakata is a man fighting for his family: mostly his girlfriend Safil and their daughter Kiko.
Park: One of the reasons he signed to FIRESIDE is that he’s only an hour away from his family in Atlantic City.
Wright: He’s a man of honor and pride.
Park: That won’t stop you from getting your teeth kicked in. I’m excited to see what he can do though.
Washington: Joining him from Seattle, Washington, weighing in at 155 pounds, he is DERRRRRRRRICK LANCAAAAAAAAAAAASTERRRR!
He smoothly walks out and stops after taking a few steps. Looking out at the “crowd”, he raises both arms while nodding as if to tell them to take in that he has arrived. He then bolts the rest of the way to the ring, sliding into it head-first. After clearing the ropes, he kips back onto his feet springing off his hands, then immediately jumps forward into a handstand; he does this with one arm behind his back.
Wright: A cold, calculated man of logic and ability, he has certainly presented himself as someone who thinks he’s better than everyone else.
Park: He might be with athleticism like that. We’ll see if he can back up his big words and big claims.
Washington: Next on the team is this wrestler from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 155 pounds, he is MISHAAAAAAAAAAA CONSTANTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
The lights dim. An ominous voice starts to toll as a golden sarcophagus rises in the entrance way:
"Since man cannot live without miracles,
He will provide himself with the miracles of his own making.
He will believe in any kind of deity,
Even though he may otherwise be a heretic, an atheist, and a rebel."
Drums crescendo as the sarcophagus cracks and falls apart, revealing the smirking form of Misha Constantine, who begins his walk to the ring as 'In The Name Of God' pounds from the speakers.
Flames!!!
In the age of Hell!!!
In the age of fire!!!
War!!!
In the name of God!!!
In the holy empire!!!
Constantine casually slides into the ring, rolling over and kipping up effortlessly.
Wright: Now here’s Misha Constantine, former SWAT star, making his debut tonight in FIRESIDE. What can we expect to see?
Park: There’s a reason he calls himself the ‘Self Made God’. He’s a survivor who’s worked to get where he is today.
Wright: And unbeaten -- at least according to him. That loss to Eddie D in his last appearance; how did he explain it? He beat himself?
Park: Shhh. Yeah he’s got an ego. But his talents and in-ring ability back up his self-importance 100%.
Constantine and Nakata stare down at one another. Nothing is said, but the look between the two is not a positive one.
Wright: These two are already not on the same page.
Park: You call a Japanese star like Nakata -- my notes here say he called him ‘some dojo young boy on excursion’. You try doing that and being able to walk home. Constantine has to be glad they’re on the same team or else he’d have a boot up his ass.
Washington: And their partner, also known as Palm Springs’ favorite son, weighing in at 234 pounds, tonight he is ‘The Dark Lord of the Dropkick’, JONNNNNNNNNNIEEEEEEEE VALENTINEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Jonnie runs down the aisle, slapping fans hands and holding up fans' signs that say something lame and complimentary like "I Heart Jonnie" or "Will U B My Valentine?" or "Eat Sleep Dropkick Repeat". He gets a kid lip syncing the "Top That" rap fromhis entrance theme, "I don't really give uh about tryin top that..." He'll point to the kid like he's real impressed, then pop locks with the kid. He pulls on the ropes and faces the crowd on the apron, leading a group of them in a chorus of "Top That" from the Teen Witch Soundtrack, then pats his heart. He vaults over the top rope and then does the double guns to the crowd, getting a reasonable pop. He then demands the referee check him for foreign objects with a pat down.
Wright: Hereeeeeeeeeeee’s Jonnie!
Park: Are you going to do that every show?
Wright: Yes.
The camera cuts to the announce table, where Park is just shaking her head.
Park: The… Jonnie Valentine has signed a two-way contract with FIRESIDE. It means he can continue wrestling with the Society of the New Breed over in SWAT. Here he’s all by himself.
Wright: Do you think he’ll sign a Pacman picture for my son? I got an advanced screening of his new film, I was blown away!
Park: You are so star-struck.
Wright: What’s not to love?
Washington: Rounding out the team, from Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at 200 pounds, she is MISTRESSSSSSSSSS DISCIPPPPPPPLINEEEEE!
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while discussing last minute bits off strategy with her (she will not be bending over).
Wright: With a story near her heart, tonight is a big night for Mistress as she takes her first steps in showing she’s more than a pretty face!
Park: She’s already a lot more than that. She performed well at the Rumble and beat that asshole Timeless at All That Glitters.
Her manager, Dr. Chaos, joins her at ringside. Chaos keeps a social distance away from the team.
Wright: Discipline has a master’s in library science, and her manager Dr. Chaos has a doctorate in veterinary studies. These two might be the smartest people signed to FIRESIDE.
Park: Let’s see how it translates to the ring.
Discipline also does not have particularly nice words for Misha Constantine, giving him a look as Constantine yells that they’re on the same team. The squad on the other side of the ring is at the very least more polite with one another, with Elijah Townsend volunteering to start the match.
Park: This match is finally about to get underway---
The house lights come down.
Wright: It looks like we’ve got some technical difficulties---
Ehhh hee hee hee hee!
Gentle and eerie piano keys lilt out over the arena. A drumroll kickins in and flashes of green and yellow lights flash around. At one point, a projection of Majesty appears one one of the staircases in the arena. A few more rounds of light, you could swear you’ve seen Majesty again, this time on the ring apron next to Kyosuke Nakata.
Park: What is-- who is that?
Wright: That’s...
Mist and smoke fills Majesty’s side of the arena. Just as soon as they appeared, they’re gone. Dr. Chaos lets out a few coughs as the smoke begins to rise up and clear in the arena.
Wright: They’re… they’re gone.
Park: Are they in this match?
Wright: I don’t know, but there’s the bell! The first FIRESIDE match, and the first round of the Kindling is on with Elijah Townsend starting against Kyosuke Nakata!
After waiting for the smoke to clear so his opponent can properly see, Nakata stands in the center of the ring and offers a test of strength. Townsend grabs Nakata’s hand and the two men lock up, with the veteran taking the advantage. Townsend is send bouncing off the ropes, but Nakata leapfrogs over once, and then again, before finishing with a dropkick!
Wright: Impressive height from Nakata there!
Nakata stays on top of his man, lifting Townsend back up to his feet and attempting to slam him back down, but Townsend responds with an elbow to the side of the head to create some space. Townsend jumps up and hooks his legs around Nakata’s neck, sending Nakata crashing down to the floor on the outside with a hurricanrana!
Wright: Townsend creates some space and dumps Nakata to the floor.
Park: You see him leaving the ring and keeping close to his competitor? That allows him to create offense and not give Kyosuke any room to breathe.
Elijah has ignored the multiple hands stretched out for tags, and now has Kyosuke back in his grasp on the outside. He whips Kyosuke against the barricade as the referee’s count begins to climb. The rolling elbow he delivers to Kyosuke is exactly in front of what looks like a fan wearing a mask and a black fedora.
Park: Getting a little up close and personal with the fans there!
Wright: That’s no fan, that’s Joe Nobody! He just signed to FIRESIDE a few days ago, we’ll also see him in action next show!
Park: Townsend is rolling here in the early-goings. He needs to keep an ear on that referee’s count.
Townsend: What are you doing here?
Nobody: I'm here to give the new generation of wrestlers exactly what they need, a swift kick in their self-entitled asses. I can make this work. I can make this work perfectly.
Townsend voices his disapproval before sliding in and back out of the ring to break up the referee’s count. He sets Nakata back up against the barricade and taps his own foot, signaling that he’s aiming to boot Nakata’s head clean into the second row, preferably onto Joe Nobody’s lap.
Wright: Elijah Townsend looking for the Bisexual Boot! If he hits this, it might be an early night for Kyosuke Nakata!
Park: Going down a wrestler early is not where you want your team to be! Nakata looks like he could use a tag!
Townsend charges, but Nakata dodges out of the way, causing Townsend to strike Joe Nobody with the Bisexual Boot instead! Nobody goes down hard on the outside, crashing down into the chairs!
Wright: Oh no! Nakata sidesteps the Boot and Townsend ends up taking out one of our newest signings!
Park: Someone send the medical team to make sure he’s okay. He didn’t catch all of that boot but I felt that from here!
Seizing the moment, Nakata grabs Townsend from behind and lands a brutal tiger suplex on the floor!
Wright: Right on his neck with that move!
Park: That’s a tiger suplex Oliver. You don’t want to be caught with one of those in the ring either. A fine piece of technical work from Nakata.
Nakata wastes no movements, grabbing Townsend and rolling him back into the ring. Townsend sits up once he remembers where he is but is quickly met with brutal force as he’s struck with a shining wizard to the back of the head!
Wright: Raikiri! Nakata might have just turned the lights out on Townsend there!
Park: The cover and the count!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Deville crashes down onto the pinfall with a springboard senton!
Wright: Deville keeps Townsend alive in this match after Nakata rang his bell!
Park: He might have to pay for that though!
Before Jonnie Valentine can get his hands on Deville, the referee comes running in between the two men! The crowd boos as Valentine is ushered into his corner. Deville gives Nakata a stiff kick between the shoulder blades while the referee’s back is turned and then steps back onto the apron.
Wright: A cheap shot from Deville there!
Park: Brilliant! That’s the difference between winning and losing some nights! You can’t be afraid to get an upper hand!
Both men are down. You can see Dr. Chaos and Chet on their respective sides of the ring, trying to will members of their team into the match. The referee is counting for both men being down, but the cheers of the crowd slowly bring both men back to a stir. Nakata is first up, and he sees the outstretched hand of Misha Constantine in his corner, but he ignores it as he centers in on himself and waits for a stumbling Townsend to turn around….
Wright: Could we be able to see it...
Park: ...Townsend’s on spaghetti legs!
...DRAGON’S BREATH! Nakata delivers the swift kick square to Townsend’s face. With his remaining energy, he drags Townsend into his team’s corner to prevent anyone from interfering. He covers… but the referee isn’t counting?
Wright: Why isn’t the ref counting?
Park: He’s not the legal man! That’s why!
Constantine: MOVE!
Nakata gets up and moves towards the sound, confused at what’s happened. Misha hooks both of Townsend’s legs, but it’s clear he’s out cold.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
The crowd boos Constantine’s behavior as Townsend’s elimination is announced. Constantine takes a bow for the crowd.
Washington: Elijah Townsend has been eliminated!
Wright: There it is, folks! Not how I expected it, but a piece of wrestling history as Misha scores the first fall in FIRESIDE!
Park: He’s bragging like he did the work. I like this guy.
The medical staff comes down to the ring to check on Elijah Townsend as Constantine holds out the score on his fingers, 5-4, to the entire crowd, the opposing team, and to his own team. Kyosuke Nakata looks on, and you can see him balling up his fist ready to punch the egomanaic in the face. He takes a deep breath and decides to rest his injuries, moving to the outside. Constantine gets in his face.
Constantine: I am a GO-
Bucky “Titanium” Knight slides in and rolls him up!
Wright: Bucky’s got him! Bucky’s got him!
The crowd counts along!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Misha gets a shoulder up!
Wright: No, but could you imagine? Bucky almost scores a huge upset there!
Park: I like Misha’s attitude but you could see no one was rushing to save him. That’s what happens when you piss off your whole team.
Bucky grabs at his rib cage as he holds up three fingers to the referee, but the ref lets him know that it was only two. He shakes his head and looks to -- Misha Constantine immediately kicks him right back in the injured ribs! Bucky doubles over in pain as Misha grabs him in a double wrist lock, and then proceeds to stomp on his head! Over and over again, Misha keeps stomping!
Wright: Ooh! Every stomp is hard to look at here!
Park: That’s wrestling Oliver. A little different than the footy you’re used to. Misha making a statement with every stomp.
As Constantine releases the hold, even his partners in the corner seem to be encouraging him to ease up a bit. Valentine and Discipline both look concerned for an injured Bucky. Lancaster is in good spirits, encouraging Constantine to stay on top of him. The team of three left in Bucky’s corner have their arms extended out looking for tags, but the bloodied Bucky looks to be a figurative mile away from his partners.
Wright: Clean-up on aisle Bucky. Yikes.
Constantine rips Bucky back up off of the mat and jumps up, spiking him back into the mat with the DeityDT. He goes to cover his opponent, staring down his own team as he pins the man.
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Constantine lifts Bucky’s shoulders off the mat!
Wright: Adding insult to injury here! This is not very sportsmanlike!
Park: Misha Constantine is telling the world tonight that he is a star to look out for. Absolutely brutal.
Misha Constantine drags Bucky over towards his corner and yells for his partners to get out of the way. They abide and give him space, but aren’t pleased as Misha climbs to the top rope. Misha leaps off, crashing down onto Bucky with a shooting star senton!
Park: Irae Dei! That’s it for Bucky ladies and gentlemen.
Wright: But -- correct me if I’m wrong -- I don’t think Misha is legal anymore!
Misha hooks both legs but the referee doesn’t count. An angry Misha yells at the referee.
Constantine: Count!
The referee can do nothing to appease Constantine here. He tries explaining that Misha isn’t legal, but Misha is having none of it. The referee has to sidestep an angered Misha as the legal man, Kyosuke Nakata, has gently pinned Bucky!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
Washington: Bucky “Titanium” Knight has been eliminated!
Nakata gets back up to his feet and allows himself a mocking bow towards Misha Constantine. Misha gets back in his face and the two trade words.
On the outside of the ring, Elijah Townsend has finally gotten back to his feet and has been okayed by Dr. Lagari and the medical staff. The staff takes their eyes off of Townsend to look over Bucky and his various injuries. The lack of eyes on Bucky inspires Joe Nobody to jump the barricade and get what’s his, charging Townsend and laying him out with a running STO!
Wright: No! Joe Nobody connects with the Denial of Perfection right on the hard arena floor!
Park: That’s payback for the boot earlier! Townsend never saw it coming!
Wright: Nobody said he could make it work, but I wasn’t expecting so quickly! Security is removing him from the building now!
A swarm of PPE-wearing security officers come running down the ramp to get Joe Nobody out of the arena. Nobody raises his arm and smiles as the security escorts him to the back. Lagari realizes he’ll have to split the resources between both team members as Townsend is not moving.
Wright: A despicable action from Joe Nobody tonight. I can’t imagine Caffrey will have nice things to say about this.
Park: I’m expecting consequences. I also expect that Joe Nobody doesn’t care about those consequences.
Back in the ring, the bickering is interrupted by another tag. Jonnie Valentine, the star of Pixar’s new Pacman film, tags himself in. His two bickering teammates are relegated back to the corner as he looks on and sees a new opponent standing across the ring from him: the 400-pound Piledriver Pete.
Wright: Some new blood as the movie star and the man specializing in piledrivers have entered this match. How is Valentine even going to pick up this guy?
Park: He’s got two feet. They don’t call him the’ Dark Lord of the Dropkick’ for nothing.
Wright: Who calls him that?
Park: Mostly himself but his trophy case certainly backs it up. He’s not appreciated by the fans and a former SWAT World Champion for nothing.
Jonnie Valentine stands in and takes a look at his rather large opponent. His first instinct is to charge in and body block Piledriver Pete, but it’s the equivalent of running into a locked door. After he gets back up, he goes to work chopping down the tree the best he can: with knife-edge chops. Each chop draws a “WOO!” from the crowd as he manages to send Pete stumbling backward. He draws out Pete’s arm and wrenches on it, attempting to make him hate having one. He drags Pete to the corner and sticks out his hand for a tag from Derrick Lancaster. Lancaster tags in and climbs the ropes, before jumping off and stomping on Pete’s outstretched arm!
Wright: Good tag team work from Lancaster and Valentine. Those two were right next to each other chatting, and Valentine has been known to team up from time to time. You must’ve loved that move.
Park: You’re damn right I did! Take his arm! Gotta give Pete credit as he’s still on his feet.
The 155 pound Derrick Lancaster realizes this problem as Piledriver Pete grabs his arm in pain and agony. He does a few quick numbers in his head, and then tags out to Mistress Discipline. The crowd boos Lancaster before coming alive for Mistress Discipline, and you can tell there’s a lot of fans who made the trip to see her. She slowly steps into the ring, soaking in the cheers, trying to figure out how the hell she’s going to bring the big man to his knees. She cracks her knuckles and goes to work.
Wright: We did a Zoom with some fans before the show tonight, a young mother and her kid said they drove 50 miles to see Mistress Discipline in action.
Park: As much as we love her… I don’t know. That’s 400 pounds to take down right there.
Wright: One step at a time!
Piledriver Pete has certainly had enough of everyone staring at him like a freak at a carnival but Mistress is a little too fast for his grasp. She ducks under him and what follows almost looks like Whack-a-Mole as she keeps ducking and popping up with open-handed and back-handed slaps, concentrating on trying to make contact with Pete’s eardrums. She manages to catch one on her third attempt, causing Pete to bend over in pain. Discipline takes her opportunity and jumps up on Pete’s back, locking her arms underneath his heavy throat and beginning to choke the life out of him.
Wright: Dunce Cap from Mistress! She might be able to choke the life out of Pete here!
Park: That’s one way to bring him down!
Discipline tries to wrap her legs around Pete and turn the hold into a body scissors as well but she’s just a bit too small to get the big man to oblige. Meanwhile, Pete’s arms are flailing wildly as he tries to get his hands on the ropes or his opponent. The crowd comes alive as one of Pete’s giant knees hits the ground.
Park: She’s about to do it! No way!
As Pete turns a bright red color, he finds the ropes and grabs them. The referee begins to count down Mistress, but she keeps the hold applied to get every free moment left to drain Piledriver Pete. Her facial expression changes when Pete reaches a hand back and finally gets a hand on her. Pete shifts her weight and moves his arms, and the sleeper is broken with an air raid crash, sending her down to the mat!
Wright: Oh no! Piledriver Deluxe!
Park: Squashed her like a bug!
Piledriver Pete hooks the leg, more of a formality at this point.
...ONE…
...T-Mistress Discipline kicks out!
Chaos: Yes! C’mon Discipline! Get up and kick the fudge out of him!
Wright: NOT EVEN TWO!
Park: Mistress isn’t going home that easy that early!
Pete drags Mistress over to his team’s corner, sticks out his hand, and in tags Powerbomb Paul. Chet immediately pops for the debut of his construction yard friend, who has Mistress handed to him on a silver platter. He lifts her high above the ring with his tree-trunk sized arms and runs into one corner of the ring, preparing to powerbomb her back down to the mat with the Buck Wild!
Wright: What goes up...
Park: She isn’t coming down just yet! Look!
Mistress Discipline leans backward and grabs Paul’s head, pulling down and somehow managing to pull Powerbomb Paul down to the mat! She takes an arm and shifts her legs, beginning to choke out Paul against her leg!
Wright: Naughty Child! The technician works her way out of a bad spot and now has Paul trapped in the center of the ring!
Park: And he’s fading fast!
Powerbomb Paul’s face turns bright red! He looks around for the ropes but is struggling to find any while he’s trapped in the dead center of the ring! He looks to get under Discipline to lift her back up, but she won’t let him get even the slightest bit of leverage! He reaches his hand out...
Wright: Discipline is out to show the world what she can do and this is a prime example!
Park: Paul’s going to have no chance but to tap out at this rate!
...but Piledriver Pete breaks the hold, ripping Discipline out of the hold and up high into a vertical suplex!
Wright: Pete saving Paul here! Nice teamwork between the two, but that’s not a piledriver!
Park: But it’s about to be! Triple D incoming!
Piledriver Pete has to adjust his grip, leaving Derrick Lancaster just enough time to bounce off the ropes and deliver a diving chopblock to his legs! Mistress lands on top of him as he loses balance and the crowd cheers!
Wright: This one’s breaking down in a hurry as Piledriver Pete finally goes down!
Park: The referee has lost control!
Lancaster spends a few seconds to overlook the pile of bodies in the center of the ring, missing out on Donny Deville flying in with a handspring back elbow!
Wright: And now Deville! It’s becoming a stack of bodies in there!
Park: Don’t turn around Donny! You may not like the view!
It’s too late for Deville to hear those words, as he turns around to catch the foot belonging to Kyosuke Nakata, who proceeds to level him with an enziguri! Not to be outdone, Misha Constantine can be seen running across the ropes, before flying through the air and crashing down onto Powerbomb Paul, Mistress Discipline, Piledriver Pete, Derrick Lancaster, Donny Deville, and Kyosuke Nakata with a 450 Orbital Strike!
Wright: Everyone goes down! The crowd is on their feet here in Philadelphia!
Park: Everyone but the referee and Jonnie Valentine are down!
The crowd hoots, hollers, and cheers at the pile of bodies in the center of the ring. The star of Pixar’s Pacman film raises an arm, posing in front of the pile of the bodies for the photo opp. The referee checks on the participants, helping get some wrestlers at least rolling towards their sides of the ring. When the dust eventually clears, the two legal participants still in the match are both slowly coming back to their feet: Paul and Discipline.
Once back up to their feet, Discipline gestures towards Paul, ready for another round. He seems to hesitate, which leads her to charge in and bring the noise to him. Paul is the one to get the upper hand here, firing off a rather stiff elbow that catches Discipline. He grapples her and reaches back for Piledriver Pete, tagging him back into the match. Paul lifts up Discipline, and both men powerbomb her down to the mat!
Wright: A double powerbomb from Pete and Paul! Shades of a potential PowerDriver team! These two are big fans of each other, and they’re working well together!
Park: Discipline needs a tag in the worst way here!
Valentine begins banging his feet into the steel steps to rally the crowd for Discipline, who has begun to crawl her way towards the other side of the ring. Pete wipes the sweat off his brow as he slowly gets back up, spotting the crawling Discipline. He grabs her foot before she can lunge out, preventing the tag! He bends down and goes to pull her back, but she seizes his wrist and pulls him down, locking in a crossface! She immediately uses her remaining strength to bridge, creating even more pressure!
Wright: Suspension out of nowhere! Discipline has Pete trapped and is cutting off his air supply fast!
Park: Look how bright red he’s turning!
Donny Deville moves in to save his teammate, but he’s already tapped out!
Wright: Whoah! A HUGE elimination!
Park: The bigger they are, the harder they fall! The crowd is going crazy as Discipline sends home Piledriver Pete!
Washington: Piledriver Pete has been eliminated!
Wright: The numbers are beginning to whittle down as Pete gets sent to the back! It’s 5-2 now, with only Deville and Powerbomb Paul remaining on the one team!
Park: It’s coming down to a last stand for Donny and his team but the former PSW World Champion is coming out hungry!
The former gymnast wastes no time in getting in and stomping a mudhole into Discipline. She crawls into the corner but Deville stays right on top, stomping with lefts and rights as the referee’s count quickly begins to climb. Once it hits four, instead of stomping on her again, he uses the ropes to propel himself and drops down with a basement dropkick.
Wright: Deville has not wrestled in months but he looks fresher than ever!
Park: He’s building up a head of steam but five might be too much to overcome here!
Deville moves to the apron and grabs the ropes tightly, taunting Jonnie Valentine before launching over the ropes with a slingshot elbow right to Discipline’s sternum! He covers!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...Discipline gets a foot on the ropes!
Wright: Deville almost gets the three there!
Park: The amount of taunting he’s doing might come back to bite him!
The former gymnast takes his eyes off of Discipline to taunt Valentine again, this time performing a simple flip in his direction. He turns around to find Discipline still down, but she pulls herself up using the ropes. He goes to deliver a spinning kick, but Discipline ducks underneath and dives for the corner, tagging in Jonnie Valentine!
Wright: Valentine’s now the legal man!
Park: He looks fired up and ready to go!
Jonnie comes in and grabs Deville, firing off a quick snapmare. There are cheers from the crowd as he transitions into a hammerlock, taking Deville over and flipping him for a pin.
...ONE!
...Deville kicks out!
Valentine quickly spins into a headlock on the mat, locking Deville in tight. Deville works his way back up to his feet but Valentine seizes his arm and twists it into an armbar. Donny responds by using the ropes to flip his way out of the hold, and then using the ropes to hurricanrana Valentine to the mat on the return! Valentine gets back to his feet and the two men stare down. Valentine stops Donny from approaching, holding out his hand. He then pulls off a cartwheel, mocking Deville right back to the crowd’s approval. Valentine winks towards the crowd and asks for a score. Nobody scores him below a five.
Wright: These two men did not have nice things to say about each other this past week, and now they’re trying to outperform one another!
Park: Advancing another step towards the FIRESIDE World Championship is the goal, but these two seem content to outdo each other first!
Deville and Valentine lock up once again, with Deville whipping Valentine into the corner. Deville jumps at Valentine with two high knees, but Valentine catches the knees… and gets monkey flipped for his troubles! Deville adds insult to injury, taking advantage of a referee distracted by Powerbomb Paul trying to get in the ring to kick Valentine questionably low! Deville asks his crowd for the score, but they respond by booing him!
Wright: Donny Deville with the blatant cheap shot and he’s on top of Valentine here.
Park: Advancing another step towards the FIRESIDE World Championship is the goal, but these two seem content to outdo each other first!
Chaos: You shittake mushroom!
Deville responds to the lack of praise by locking Valentine into a chinlock in the center of the ring. The crowd is getting further on Donny, with competing chants of “Donnie Sucks!” and “Let’s Go Jonnie!”
Chaos: You suck more than a vacuum!
Deville does his best to ignore the crowd, but they’ve begun clapping as Chaos and Discipline return the favor for Valentine. As the claps get faster and louder, Valentine makes it back to his feet, throwing elbows into Deville’s stomach to create some separation. He finally manages to do so and hits the ropes, coming back with a running knee strike! He follows up by jumping on Deville and firing off a round of punches!
Wright: Valentine escapes the hold and takes the momentum back!
Park: Deville’s not going to like the crowd’s score now!
Valentine gets back up and starts feeding off the crowd, ready to put Deville away! He locks Deville in a belly-to-belly and throws him for the brainbuster, but Deville lands on his feet!
Wright: Wow! That Olympic background coming into play for Donny!
Park: But can he follow it up?
Deville grabs Valentine and locks him in between his legs, looking for the Tumbler, but Derrick Lancaster leans over the ropes and yells at him! This brief break in focus allows Valentine to break out and roll into an inside cradle!
Wright: Inside Cradle off the distraction! This could be it!
Park: Deville’s been caught off guard!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Deville kicks out!
Wright: No!
Deville quickly makes his way back up to his feet, and he manages to barely avoid getting hit with the Picture Perfect Dropkick! He takes advantage of the grounded Valentine and backflips into his double foot stomp known as the Final Attraction, but Valentine rolls out of the way! A wobbly Donny Deville turns around after he regains his footing, only to become the subject of a thousand photos as the Picture Perfect Dropkick connects! Valentine hooks the leg!
Wright: Picture Perfect Dropkick!
Park: Goodnight Donny!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Powerbomb Paul tries to make the save, but can’t! THREE!
The crowd roars!
Washington: Donny Deville has been eliminated!
Wright: And then we were down to one! This battle of the former world champions ends in a victory for Valentine!
Park: I’d love to see these two match up again in the future! These two men fought with everything they could. Now there’s one man left against an entire murderer’s row.
The realization dawns on Powerbomb Paul as he stands in the ring by himself. It also dawns on Derrick Lancaster, who takes advantage of the good odds to reach out and slap Valentine’s back, tagging himself in.
Wright: Lancaster seems to like his chances here against a worn down Powerbomb Paul.
Park: It’s five-on-one. I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’m just saying I’ve never seen anyone do it.
Lancaster looks Paul up and down, calculating his best chances for a successful assault, before throwing a spinning backfist and connecting against Paul’s head. Paul stumbles around but manages to stay up as Derrick swings with a knife-edge chest chop, leaving a red handprint that the HD camera immediately picks up. He swings Paul into the ropes and waits to drop him with a spinning roundhouse, but Paul catches the leg!
Wright: Uh oh! He got caught!
Park: Derrick Lancaster might be about to take a ride here!
Paul holds Lancaster and forces him to hop to retain his balance. Lancaster is game to hop all day, but he decides to attack by throwing his other leg for an enziguri. Unfortunately, the man with the biggest arms on roster catches that too. With both of his opponent’s legs in his possession, Paul lifts with his legs and adjusts Lancaster, spinning him around into a powerbomb! Lancaster’s head bounces off the mat as Paul covers!
Wright: Powerbomb from the man specializing in them!
Park: Look at that height and that bounce! Maybe he can string a few of those together!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Lancaster kicks out!
Powerbomb Paul holds up three fingers to the referee, but the referee assures him that the count only reached two. A drained Powerbomb Paul looks up at the other four wrestlers he’s still got to bring down after Lancaster and wipes the sweat off his brow. He grabs Lancaster and looks for another powerbomb, this time lifting his opponent high up in the air, but Lancaster wiggles out, taking him down with a neckbreaker as he falls! Lancaster follows it up with a backflip double stomp!
Wright: Lancaster connects with the Backdoor, and that’s gotta be it for Powerbomb.
Park: There’s only so much you can do against a man that fresh.
Wright: And look at the height of that flip! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Thr-no!
Powerbomb Paul gets a giant shoulder up!
Wright: He’s still fighting!
Lancaster shakes his head and reexamines his opponent, looking for the opportunity to put him away once and for all. He rotates his opponent so Powerbomb Paul is face down on the mat before tying up his legs with his own! He leans back and bridges, hooking his hands and trapping Paul in an inverted Indian deathlock!
Wright: DDoS! DDoS! Lancaster looking to deny Paul an advancement into the next round of the Kindling!
Park: Paul’s been through a lot and I don’t think he has much left to give!
Paul reaches out to the ropes but is just a few fingertips short! He looks around as his construction yard pal Chet yells at him to keep the dream alive just a little longer, but he’s fading fast! Paul digs down deep and uses his large arms to pull himself and Lancaster across the ring that extra few inches, forcing a rope break!
Wright: Paul gets the break!
A frustrated Lancaster keeps the hold applied though, maximizing the amount of damage he can do by holding on as the referee begins to count upwards to five! Right before he can be disqualified, Derrick releases the hold, causing the crowd to rain down boos!
Wright: Lancaster clearly never met a rule he didn’t know how to take advantage of!
Park: And that’s the difference between winning and losing Oliver. Five is a disqualification but four is perfectly legal.
Chet and the crowd begin to cheer for Powerbomb Paul, but the fight is looking awfully hopeless. Lancaster slowly lifts his opponent back to his feet…
Ehhh hee hee hee hee!
The house lights come down again as the horrifying laugh is heard from all over! Fans in the arena react as eerie piano music once again fills up the space. When the lights turn on, Chet is out cold on the floor, bleeding and not moving.
Wright: Oh my God! What the hell?
Park: Whatever that was just attacked him!
Wright: I think it’s a whoever!
The lights flicker back off, then on again! Dr. Chaos meets a similar fate, laying on the floor bleeding and not moving. Discipline spots this and immediately moves to help her, jumping down off the apron!
Wright: They got Dr. Chaos too!
Park: They’re moving fast!
The lights flicker on and back off again, but this time we see the artist known as Majesty spinning around and connecting with a back elbow to Discipline, knocking her clear off her feet!
Wright: That’s gotta be Majesty! We heard they were coming to make friends, but they seem content on destroying everyone out here!
Park: Look at the power of that elbow! Discipline just got absolutely blasted with the Great Wheel!
Misha Constantine jumps down from ringside to confront Majesty, who is too busy spinning around and dancing like a fucked-up ballerina to notice him. Right as Misha gets a hand on them, Majesty twirls around with a wide grin etched on their face, vanishing back into complete darkness.
Wright: Constantine got a hand on that… that force… but they’ve vanished again!
Park: No, wait! What in the world?
Misha looks up and sees double. In place of where Kyosuke Nakata and Jonnie Valentine were standing, there’s suddenly two Majesties and neither wrestler is anywhere to be found! Misha’s mouth drops wide open and he rubs his eyes, but the lights cease working once again! The sound of flesh meeting flesh is heard before a clap!
Wright: What is going on?!
Park: Did Majesty just make Nakata and Valentine disappear?!
Wright: They were there a minute ago!
Back outside the ring, Misha turns around and looks for Majesty once the lights come back on, but he turns around and is met by the Feywild Figure’s twirling spinning superkick!
Wright: Sweet Djinn Music! Only one Majesty now but they just rocked Misha Constantine too!
Park: Even Lancaster and Powerbomb have put their differences aside to deal with Majesty!
Powerbomb Paul and Derrick Lancaster look at one another as the lights once again cease functioning. When the lights turn back on, Majesty is gone, but neither man believes that they’re truly done. Paul looks down concerned for his friend, while Lancaster waits in the corner, knowing the things he’s said, knowing that Majesty is probably coming for him. His eyes tell the story of a man knowing his maker is about to arrive again.
Wright: Lancaster asked Majesty to show him what they’re capable of, but I don’t think he was expecting this!
Park: He questions everything and I bet he’s questioning those words right now!
Majesty does indeed reappear after another flicker of the lights, this time in the center of the ring. Paul is immediately startled, while Lancaster decides the best course of action is to charge and make full contact. He is stopped by an outstretched hand, and soon another hand comes for Powerbomb Paul, as Majesty locks both wrestlers into their version of the Mandible Claw!
Wright: They call that the Peacekeeper! The referee hasn’t called for the bell or anything as Majesty has ripped through one team and now has both men trapped in that sick hold!
Park: Both men are fighting but I’m not sure either has enough to left to break out!
Lancaster attempts to throw a kick and Powerbomb Paul goes for a punch, but both men drop to their knees. Their arms flail out one more time each before both men end up with their shoulders down in the center of the ring. The referee… counts?
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE! Ring the bell!
Wright: Whoah! The referee just counted a three count and called for the bell!
Park: I-- I don’t know what to say. What the hell is going on?
Also confused is Marcus Washington, who realizes the bell has rung, but has no idea what to say. He looks confused from his position, which is hiding behind the announce desk to avoid Majesty’s wrath. Until… until suddenly he’s not confused. He stands up, even getting on the announce table to announce the result.
Washington: Here are your winners, the team of Kyosuke Nakata, Jonnie Valentine, Derrick Lancaster. Misha Constantine, Mistress Discipline… and MAAAAAAAAJEEEEESSSSSSSSSTYYYYYYY!
Majesty finally releases their hold on the two men. Around them is a bunch of bodies strewn ringside, and they are the only one standing.
Wright: I don’t know what has gone on here tonight, but after a… a fantastic effort from these two teams full of excitement, Majesty has just staked their claim for the FIRESIDE World Championship!
Park: What does this mean for the Kindling? Does that mean they’re advancing with the other five? They all put on a wrestling clinic before Majesty made their presence known!
Wright: I’m more concerned for their health and safety, hell for our health and safeties! I don’t know what I just saw, but UnJoo, if that’s Majesty making friends, I’d be damn scared of what they’ll do to enemies!
Majesty surveys the damage they’ve caused. A wide grin appears on their face once more. With a spin, a twirl, and a powerful flash of green and yellow light, they disappear and the show fades to black.