Post by Mongo the Destroyer on Oct 9, 2020 17:39:11 GMT -5
*The camera opens up as NPW announcer, Blake Samuels stands next to Lord Dominicus. Dominicus is proudly wearing the North American Cruiserweight Championship*
Blake: Hello everyone! This is Blake Samuels and I'm here with Lord Dominicus to get his response to the Lethal Lottery drawling. Dominicus how do-
LD: WONDERFUL! GREAT! EXCELLENT! There, does that suffice?
Blake: I mean, I didn't even fini-
*Dominicus yawns.*
LD: Why are you still here wasting my time? In fact, why is Gus Arnold even wasting my time? I saw the broadcast, you and him drooling over your precious new contenders and you're poorly designed concept to find the holder of your combined derelict titles. Pathetic, all of it.
*He sighs*
LD: Let's look at facts here. Gus and company are trying to decide who will be their first North American Double Crown Champion as though that means something. "Hey we took two terrible titles held by terrible wrestlers, combined them, and now that's somehow meaningful!" If it had meaning then Gus would just give up trying to let overweight thick-bois like "Antiquated" Alex Turner think they have any- ANY- weight here in this company when right now there is only one. ONLY ONE SINGLES CHAMPION IN NPW!
*Dominicus takes off the belt and holds it up, letting the lights sparkle off of it.*
LD: I am the KING OF NPW RIGHT NOW!
Blake: Another "King" in the XHF Network?
LD: What!?
Blake: It's just that...well there's a lot of guys calling themselves the "King of" these days.
*Dominicus slowly lowers the belt and seems a little upset.*
LD: Wait, really?
Blake: Yes.
LD: .....UGH. Let me ask you a question, Mr. Blake. Are any of them the ONLY singles champion in their company?
Blake: Um, to my knowledge- no?
LD: EXACTLY!
*Dominicus raises the North American Cruiserweight Championship again.*
LD: I am the ONLY SINGLES CHAMPION in NPW right now and Gus has the GALL to try to undermine my reign by introducing this Frankenstein of a new title. If he's going to include me in the running for it anyway then he might as well just hand it to me to save time. This is an insult of a not-exactly-tournament. I shouldn't even have to prove myself in such a way. I'M THE NORTH AMERICAN CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION! I'M THE ONLY SINGLES TITLE HOLDER HERE! Oh just because some guys can't get their weight down we're supposed to raise them on a pedestal? Why not make the secondary- YES SECONDARY title to mine be a "heavyweights only" title so that they can stay out of the way of real athletes? Hmmm?
Blake: Strong words, but what abou-
LD: What about my partner and opponents? My partner? Whatever. Don't screw up Jay- at least your name is easier to say than my last partner. And my opponents? Solomon Graham shouldn't even qualify for MY championship yet he keeps landing in Cruiserweight matches. HAVE YOU WEIGHED HIM IN? He should be in the secondary heavyweight division for guys who prioritize ice cream over exercise instead of balancing them properly. And Primal? Snore. A university professor that suddenly started to believe all the garbage he tells first years to make himself look cool. "Nothing is real! God is dead or didn't exit!" Wow, original stuff for anyone who hasn't attended a four-year school. He's too heavy for my interests too- another who should be relegated to a lesser "heavyweight" division than the prime- and CURRENTLY ONLY- division of Cruiserweights. Anything else?
Blake: Well actu-
LD: I mean, what do I need to do to prove that I am the King here? Go get the X*Crown?
*Silence, nobody wants that, LD*
LD: Hmmm.....I mean, if it'd solidify me at the top of NPW AAAAND the Network....
*The camera zooms in and we fade out...*
Blake: Hello everyone! This is Blake Samuels and I'm here with Lord Dominicus to get his response to the Lethal Lottery drawling. Dominicus how do-
LD: WONDERFUL! GREAT! EXCELLENT! There, does that suffice?
Blake: I mean, I didn't even fini-
*Dominicus yawns.*
LD: Why are you still here wasting my time? In fact, why is Gus Arnold even wasting my time? I saw the broadcast, you and him drooling over your precious new contenders and you're poorly designed concept to find the holder of your combined derelict titles. Pathetic, all of it.
*He sighs*
LD: Let's look at facts here. Gus and company are trying to decide who will be their first North American Double Crown Champion as though that means something. "Hey we took two terrible titles held by terrible wrestlers, combined them, and now that's somehow meaningful!" If it had meaning then Gus would just give up trying to let overweight thick-bois like "Antiquated" Alex Turner think they have any- ANY- weight here in this company when right now there is only one. ONLY ONE SINGLES CHAMPION IN NPW!
*Dominicus takes off the belt and holds it up, letting the lights sparkle off of it.*
LD: I am the KING OF NPW RIGHT NOW!
Blake: Another "King" in the XHF Network?
LD: What!?
Blake: It's just that...well there's a lot of guys calling themselves the "King of" these days.
*Dominicus slowly lowers the belt and seems a little upset.*
LD: Wait, really?
Blake: Yes.
LD: .....UGH. Let me ask you a question, Mr. Blake. Are any of them the ONLY singles champion in their company?
Blake: Um, to my knowledge- no?
LD: EXACTLY!
*Dominicus raises the North American Cruiserweight Championship again.*
LD: I am the ONLY SINGLES CHAMPION in NPW right now and Gus has the GALL to try to undermine my reign by introducing this Frankenstein of a new title. If he's going to include me in the running for it anyway then he might as well just hand it to me to save time. This is an insult of a not-exactly-tournament. I shouldn't even have to prove myself in such a way. I'M THE NORTH AMERICAN CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION! I'M THE ONLY SINGLES TITLE HOLDER HERE! Oh just because some guys can't get their weight down we're supposed to raise them on a pedestal? Why not make the secondary- YES SECONDARY title to mine be a "heavyweights only" title so that they can stay out of the way of real athletes? Hmmm?
Blake: Strong words, but what abou-
LD: What about my partner and opponents? My partner? Whatever. Don't screw up Jay- at least your name is easier to say than my last partner. And my opponents? Solomon Graham shouldn't even qualify for MY championship yet he keeps landing in Cruiserweight matches. HAVE YOU WEIGHED HIM IN? He should be in the secondary heavyweight division for guys who prioritize ice cream over exercise instead of balancing them properly. And Primal? Snore. A university professor that suddenly started to believe all the garbage he tells first years to make himself look cool. "Nothing is real! God is dead or didn't exit!" Wow, original stuff for anyone who hasn't attended a four-year school. He's too heavy for my interests too- another who should be relegated to a lesser "heavyweight" division than the prime- and CURRENTLY ONLY- division of Cruiserweights. Anything else?
Blake: Well actu-
LD: I mean, what do I need to do to prove that I am the King here? Go get the X*Crown?
*Silence, nobody wants that, LD*
LD: Hmmm.....I mean, if it'd solidify me at the top of NPW AAAAND the Network....
*The camera zooms in and we fade out...*
