Obligatory Villainous Speech (LD for EoD PPV)

[Mongo the Destroyer]

Obligatory Villainous Speech
(In Which the Nefarious Plot is Revealed Before It is Completed)

*The camera opens on a Northern Pro Wrestling banner hanging in a dark room. Slowly the camera pans out to reveal under this a throne, adorned with what appears to be various wrestling-related merchandise spray painted black, then given silver highlights. Although the room is dark you can see shelves of product and wrestling equipment. This is probably some sort of storage area like a warehouse or something. Casually resting on the throne- legs up on one arm of it, back on the other- is the NPW North American Cruiserweight Champion Lord Dominicus.*

LD: Do you like it?

*He gestures around at his current setting*

LD: Unlike a certain table-loving X*Crown Champion, I like to mix things up frequently. Give the viewers at home something more to look at than Dylan’s ugly mug in front of a microphone while sitting down at a folding table. Keep things original for the people at home, you know? Well, I mean, Dylan wouldn’t know because clearly he has no idea what originality is.

*Dominicus chuckles to himself, “got him” he quietly says to himself. But then quickly he readjusts his seating to something more proper for a throne and it is revealed on his previously obscured shoulder is sitting the NPW NACW Championship.*

LD: It’s my originality, my ingenuity, and my ability to adapt that has brought me to the pinnacle of my company- something most of the others in the X*Crown match can’t hold a candle to. No I’m not just the “top champ”-

*That was done with air quotes*

LD: I’m not even the “world champ”- whatever that means.

*Air quotes again*

LD: No all you PATHETIC PEONS, I am the ONLY SINGLES CHAMPION in Northern Pro Wrestling. And it’s not like “Oh then there’s only one title and you have it?” No I’m sorry Destiny rep….Dev- what kind of name even is that? My company isn’t like yours where you only need one real title. I mean you- well your company, not you personally- probably have more but do they really mean anything? No, you see where once there was three there is now only one…

*Dominicus slaps the NPW NACW Championship’s front plate*

LD: ME. Everything went according to plan at the End of Days show and my work came to fruition as I walked out with the ONLY SINGLES GOLD in the whole company and am thus the KING OF NOR- wait, there’s already a lot of Kings, so says the interviewer there. Hold on.

*He thinks for a moment.*

LD: Ok, lemme try this again. ….and am thus the LORD OF NORTHERN PRO WRESTLING! Yes, that sounds good, excellent. We’ll fix it in post. AND IT WAS ALL MY PLAN FROM THE START!

*He jumps off the throne, nearly dropping the title but is able to catch it and place the gold on the throne behind him.*

LD: The plot started as I UPSTAGED “Antiquated” Alex Turner’s “big” move to NPW through my own appearance. Something SO SUPREMELY SHOCKING that Eric Dane immediately ran away to some place where he’d be appreciated for being old and still wrestling! Suddenly there was a power vacuum, Turner was a disappointment, Dane was MIA, and Gordon Carlson’s star had been fading since he’d been summarily removed from the equation at Night of Champions. But Gus Arnold, as planned, tried to put all these poor investments into one MEGA MATCH in the hope that it’d bear fruit. Meanwhile my strong showing in EVERY SHOWING put me into the Cruiserweight Championship match- as planned. And come End of Days Night Two? Three titles….

*Dominicus picks up his title again.*

LD: Became one. Mine. Turner, Dane, and Carlson couldn’t handle their match and ruined everything for Gus and I- the ever humble LORD OF DARKNESS shall once again have to carry this company on my back as its SHINING STAR….uh….SHINING BLACK HOLE- yes that’ll work. All to my plan. By being active and cunning I have become NPW’s EVERYTHING.

*He strokes the gold of his championship while continuing to stare at the camera.*

LD: Oh but you FEEBLE FAILURES who are being put against me might argue “Lord Dominicus, WISE AND MIGHTY DOMINICUS, you had help in your bout for the belt you hold.”

*He lets a beat drop between to allow for the response.*

LD: OF COURSE I DID! I’m not some kind of HUMDRUM HALFWIT like whoever SWAT is sending in their stead. No I recognized the value of EVIL FRIENDSHIP and I exploited it to get what I needed! Yes, Dinosaur Bones was at ringside and yes he did assist in my MERCILESS MARRING of Solomon Graham- and why not? There was no rule against it and Solomon is too heavy for my division anyway. Evil Friendship is a tool and I have no problems making Evil Friends so that the ways of darkness can be forwarded.

*Dominicus holds up a finger now as he starts getting into his point.*

LD: Which…reminds..me. Another member of this X*Crown match appreciates the power of EVIL FRIENDSHIP. One aptly-named Evil-Borg. The GUNS representative. And unlike Eddie D- the D is for “Dumb”- and Dev, Evil-Borg actually EARNED his way into this match as I did. We are true representatives and true purveyors of evil friendships.

*His finger comes down into a point at the camera.*

LD: And so to you, fellow ABYSSAL ARTIST, I would like to extend to you the hand of evil friendship- temporary evil friendship. I say that you and I, Evil-Borg, work together as a team to ensure that the rest of the combatants can stand no chance of sneaking a pinfall past us. Then, as our opponent lay injured, slain around us and unable to be anything more than pinned…we’ll DOUBLE-CROSS each other! -As is the way of temporary evil friendship. And then may the best double-crosser win! Sounds like a GENUINE GENIUS plan, doesn’t it? You see…

*Dominicus creeps back onto the throne into his original position. It exudes his EVIL EGOISM just right*

LD: …Unlike Dylan Black our current X*Crown Champion and AWF’s supposed ringer Hyperion- I realize the important of having evil relationships outside of just one’s metal hands and cult members. Having a fellow evil being to have your back before you ultimately stab his raises one’s odds significantly more than going it alone in this dog-gets-eaten-by-evil-dog world of wrestling.

*He cackles slightly.*

LD: And there you have it I suppose. As long as myself and Evil-Borg build an evil friendship there’s no way we can lose. And if that’s the case, then I guess Dylan you should enjoy your time as champ while you can. Because when I walked into NPW just a few short months ago I enacted my evil plot and am now their ONLY SINGLES CHAMPION. Just think about when I walk out of End of Days as the ONLY X*CROWN CHAMPION too. So you there, losers…..except Evil-Borg of course. You’re cool- but only until we double-cross each other- as it must be…..yeah. Anyway…yeah. GET BENT DYLAN!

*Dominicus nods to himself at that last line as we fade out.*