Great Moments In Canadian Sports History
Oct 11, 2020 23:41:39 GMT -5
The King, bloodiedfox, and 2 more like this
Post by Jonnie Valentine on Oct 11, 2020 23:41:39 GMT -5
(Open on a hockey puck sliding along the ice until it goes into the net. Then the camera goes to a man lining up another puck with his hockey stick, and then shooting that into the net as well)
Don Maclane: Oh, hello there. I'm Don Maclane, former NHL Defensive Player of the Year 1977. Every parent's dream is to have their son or daughter grow up to play in the NHL. But with Pee Wee hockey being so competitive, how can you give your child the edge that will allow them to become the player you know they can be? Well worry no more, and enroll your son or daughter into Don Maclane's Infant Hockey Academy.
(Synthesizer music plays as stills of infants wearing hockey jerseys fly into the screen)
Don Maclane: That's right, at Don Maclane's Infant Hockey Academy we take committed young infants, as young as 6 months old, and teach them the fundamentals from the ground floor. We rid them of bad habits like one dimensional retrieval, sloppy stick work, and excessive drooling on the ice before they have a chance to effect your child's game.
(Shoots hockey puck into net but it hits an infant laying on the ice wearing goalie gear)
*Baby cries*
Don Maclane: Gee whiz, McKinney. I can't get nothing past you! So come on down to Don Maclane's Infant Hockey Academy and see if we can't make your little bundle of joy, a bundle in the NHL!
(Fade to Great Moments In Canadian Sports History)
Barry Côté: Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Steve Nash...Jonnie Valentine? While it may seem odd to include this American hailing from Palm Springs, California among these Canadian sports legends but is it? Let's take you back to 1998. Great White North Wrestling is ran by the tyrannical Commander Cody Young. A 14 year old Mormon boy allowed to run a wrestling company as his own personal fiefdom. After numerous roadblocks put in front of him, "Canada's Stepson" Jonnie Valentine was able to defeat this 14 year old child and win the Canadian Provincial title from him, and hence wrench control of the GWNW from him. Now he returns to Canada, to wrestle in the NPW Lethal Lottery with a chance of winning the North American Double Crown Championship, and he joins us here today. Welcome, Jonnie.
"Canada's Stepson" Jonnie Valentine: Thank you Barry, it's wonderful to be here. Love the show.
Barry Côté: Now, I'd love to get in to what happened in 1998 with Cody...
Jonnie Valentine: Let's not live in the past, Bear. Sure, I could talk about lot's of children I beat, but I'm looking forward at this North American Double Crown. It's got the Canadian Provincial Championship that I won back in 98, plus another belt. That's alot of luggage, but luckily your airports are a breeze.
Barry Côté: Voted best International Airport by Travel & Leisure Magazine. Now your partner is the unscrupulous Eric Dane, and you will be facing King Maverick & Danuwaanahili.
Jonnie Valentine: Yes, it's my understanding that my partner Eric Dane is responsible for the title being held up in the first place. Gus Arnold provided me with the shows where it happened but I couldn't find a VCR to play them.
Barry Côté: Yeah, we haven't quite made the switch yet.
Jonnie Valentine: Completely fine. My pastry loving partner has it out for his royal highness, King Maverick which leaves me to concentrate on... Danoo-....Danny Hill?
Barry Côté: Sure, close enough.
Jonnie Valentine: But Eric and I want the same thing, Bear Bear. Frankly I could team with Stalin if it meant more gold.
Barry Côté: Eric Dane's pretty close though.
Jonnie Valentine: Yikes. No matter. For one night we'll be the team of the century, dispose of King Maverick and...Danoowendy's (?) and then he'll be my top concern in the next round.
Barry Côté: Thanks for coming, Jonnie. Jonnie Valentine, star of Pixar's Pacman movie coming out in a few weeks, and also a pretty darn good wrestler if I ya don't mind me saying so.
Jonnie Valentine: Thank you, Barry.
Barry Côté: Coming up, I rank the top Canadian Olympic bobsled teams, and I pull no punches.
Jonnie Valentine: (rubs hands together) Can't wait, that's gonna be controversial.
Don Maclane: Oh, hello there. I'm Don Maclane, former NHL Defensive Player of the Year 1977. Every parent's dream is to have their son or daughter grow up to play in the NHL. But with Pee Wee hockey being so competitive, how can you give your child the edge that will allow them to become the player you know they can be? Well worry no more, and enroll your son or daughter into Don Maclane's Infant Hockey Academy.
(Synthesizer music plays as stills of infants wearing hockey jerseys fly into the screen)
Don Maclane: That's right, at Don Maclane's Infant Hockey Academy we take committed young infants, as young as 6 months old, and teach them the fundamentals from the ground floor. We rid them of bad habits like one dimensional retrieval, sloppy stick work, and excessive drooling on the ice before they have a chance to effect your child's game.
(Shoots hockey puck into net but it hits an infant laying on the ice wearing goalie gear)
*Baby cries*
Don Maclane: Gee whiz, McKinney. I can't get nothing past you! So come on down to Don Maclane's Infant Hockey Academy and see if we can't make your little bundle of joy, a bundle in the NHL!
(Fade to Great Moments In Canadian Sports History)
Barry Côté: Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Steve Nash...Jonnie Valentine? While it may seem odd to include this American hailing from Palm Springs, California among these Canadian sports legends but is it? Let's take you back to 1998. Great White North Wrestling is ran by the tyrannical Commander Cody Young. A 14 year old Mormon boy allowed to run a wrestling company as his own personal fiefdom. After numerous roadblocks put in front of him, "Canada's Stepson" Jonnie Valentine was able to defeat this 14 year old child and win the Canadian Provincial title from him, and hence wrench control of the GWNW from him. Now he returns to Canada, to wrestle in the NPW Lethal Lottery with a chance of winning the North American Double Crown Championship, and he joins us here today. Welcome, Jonnie.
"Canada's Stepson" Jonnie Valentine: Thank you Barry, it's wonderful to be here. Love the show.
Barry Côté: Now, I'd love to get in to what happened in 1998 with Cody...
Jonnie Valentine: Let's not live in the past, Bear. Sure, I could talk about lot's of children I beat, but I'm looking forward at this North American Double Crown. It's got the Canadian Provincial Championship that I won back in 98, plus another belt. That's alot of luggage, but luckily your airports are a breeze.
Barry Côté: Voted best International Airport by Travel & Leisure Magazine. Now your partner is the unscrupulous Eric Dane, and you will be facing King Maverick & Danuwaanahili.
Jonnie Valentine: Yes, it's my understanding that my partner Eric Dane is responsible for the title being held up in the first place. Gus Arnold provided me with the shows where it happened but I couldn't find a VCR to play them.
Barry Côté: Yeah, we haven't quite made the switch yet.
Jonnie Valentine: Completely fine. My pastry loving partner has it out for his royal highness, King Maverick which leaves me to concentrate on... Danoo-....Danny Hill?
Barry Côté: Sure, close enough.
Jonnie Valentine: But Eric and I want the same thing, Bear Bear. Frankly I could team with Stalin if it meant more gold.
Barry Côté: Eric Dane's pretty close though.
Jonnie Valentine: Yikes. No matter. For one night we'll be the team of the century, dispose of King Maverick and...Danoowendy's (?) and then he'll be my top concern in the next round.
Barry Côté: Thanks for coming, Jonnie. Jonnie Valentine, star of Pixar's Pacman movie coming out in a few weeks, and also a pretty darn good wrestler if I ya don't mind me saying so.
Jonnie Valentine: Thank you, Barry.
Barry Côté: Coming up, I rank the top Canadian Olympic bobsled teams, and I pull no punches.
Jonnie Valentine: (rubs hands together) Can't wait, that's gonna be controversial.
