Terry Bradshaw's XHF Wellness Program (EoD Final Night #1)
Oct 13, 2020 19:03:00 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Kira Izumi, and 3 more like this
Post by ForeverKuroi on Oct 13, 2020 19:03:00 GMT -5
The scene fades in to the most prestigious places Copycat has ever wrestled...
THE WORLD CUP STADIUM IN SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA!
Or more specifically, the backstage bathroom. Yes, this is set immediately after Week 2 of End of Days. Inside of this pristine, single occupancy restroom is Copycat and Terry Bradshaw. After the two walk in, Terry Bradshaw closes the door behind them.
: What are we doing here, Mr. Bradshaw? I don't have to go potty and even if I did, I can do it by myself.
: I'll tell you exactly what we're doing here, my boy.
As Terry Bradshaw says this, he undoes his belt, drops his pants and sits on the toilet. His junk is blocked from the view of the camera by Copycat.
: EW! MR. BRADSHAW! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT!
: Stop interrupting me, Copycat. I was in the middle of speaking. Anyways, where was I?
Plop.
: There's no way to mince words, here. I'll have to just come right out and say it. You failed me, Copycat.
PFPFPFFITHITTHTP. What do you think that is?
: Mr. Bradshaw! I told you! I'm not a wrestler! I can't do that sort of thing! It was a miracle that I was even able to pin James Neo Carner!
: That's exactly my poUGGGGGGH
Terry Bradshaw's face immediately strains.
: Point. I didn't think you could. Yet you did. There's only one explanation for this.
Copycat snickers.
: Mr. Bradshaw, you know I'm not very religi-
: YOU ARE USING STEROIDS!
: -ous. Not really a man of G- ...What?
: That explains your new muscular definition! That explanations that raw power! I didn't know how it happened, but you were able to defeat Nathan Jessica Parker! You obviously don't work out. The only thing that runs is your mouth, like during our field trip.
: MY EYE IS STILL INFECTED!
: But you did it! You're a muscle-bound freak of nature, Copycat. And we can make some real use of that. Maybe you're not the skinny piece of shit I know that you are.
Copycat cocks his head, looks down at himself and looks at the supposed muscle that Terry Bradshaw thinks that he has.
: So in order to test you so we can ensure you aren't going to do something stupid that will GET US DISQUALIFIED, I need to do a drug test on you.
: Mr. Bradshaw, we just had a match and the only one there who got disqualified was you.
:So what did I do with my drug test?
Terry Bradshaw stands up, pulls up his pants and flushes. He then moves toward the test.
: ...Aren't you going to flush?
As I said, Copycat. Terry Bradshaw goes to grab the cup.
: Here it is.
And he pulls it out. The cup:
: Alright. Pee in that.
: That cup looks very jagged...
: Oh my god, Copycat. Stop bitching about my Photoshop AND JUST PEE IN IT!
Copycat sheepishly goes red and takes the cup from Terry. He looks left and right, seeing Terry staring expectantly.
: ...WELL?
: Could I have some privacy, please? Maybe step out of the room?
: Copycat, what is it with this utter anger-filled disobedience? Are you having a roid rage? JUST DO IT! 
Copycat, being as bladder shy as he is, begins shaking and is unable to actually go at all. Terry Bradshaw's face begins to redden to a deep beet color.
: Copycat, can you stop bushing around the beating?! I'll help you!
: Mr. Bradshaw, no!
Terry Bradshaw runs to Copycat and begins reaching into his pants whereas Copycat tries to hide into embarassment.
In the hallway, Maverick is on the phone.
Maverick: Look, for the last time, stop calling me. I'm not the father to your baby and I'm getting really sick of having to change my phone number.
Maverick flips his phone closed. He turns to walk away then stops.
Maverick: I actually need to stop to use the restroom.
Maverick turns and moves towards the other direction. He goes to the bathroom and like a jerk, he doesn't knock on the door. As he opens the door, he finds Terry Bradshaw grabbing something of Copycat. The image is, of course, blocked from the camera view as Maverick's shoulder is obstructing the view.
: YOU NEED TO STOP IT WITH THE JUICE AND STOP BEING SUCH A BIG BOY!
: MR. BRADSHAW, YOU MUSN'T TOUCH ME THERE! IT IS FORBIDDEN!
: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU BEATING THAT BUSHING! THAT'S WHEN I STEP IN!
Maverick, on purel reflex, slams the door shut. He slowly blinks his eyes and tries to understand what the hell just happened.
Maverick: What... The Fuck?
The scene cuts back into the restroom where Copycat's head is actually... inside the toilet.
: Why do I have to do this again, Mr. Bradshaw?!
: Simple, Copycat. You can't go to the bathroom. You are obviously dehydrated. You must replenish your liquids and therefore, you need to drink water.
: But why do I have to drink TOILET water? Can't I drink from the water fountain in your hallway?
: Maverick just saw you EXPOSING yourself to him. You're an offender, Copycat. You must stay low until the media forgets who you are.
: Can I at least drink water from the sink?
: Uhhh... it's broken.
: Can I at least try?
: NO!
Terry Bradshaw immediately slams the toilet lid against the top of Copycat's head. His hands and feet begins to flail all around. Copycat tries to scream from inside the toilet.
: MR. BRADSHAW, DID YOU EVEN FLUSH!?
: WHAT'S THAT!? YOU WANT ME TO FLUSH!?
Terry Bradshaw utilizes the farthest extent of his fantastic leg flexibility by raising it one foot off the floor to press on the flusher. Copycat begins to gargle, choke and scream. He is quite literally drowning. Terry Bradshaw laughs. He keeps laughing until he looks at Copycat's pants and finds it darkening.
: COPYCAT! DID YOU REALLY PEE YOURSELF?
Copycat forces himself out of the toilet and looks down at himself.
: I told you, Mr. Bradshaw! I can't control myself!
Terry Bradshaw shakes his head slowly. He lots out a sigh.
: Tsk. Tsk. You say that you can't control yourself. I say damn right you can't. Sometimes you transform yourself into a weakling. Sometimes you transform yourself into a freak without a leash. A rebel without a cause. A monster without a cage. Copycat, you are not peeing into this cup because you want to, but cannot. You aren't doing this because you are having trouble yet wanting to prove your innocent. No, you simply do not want to be caught. If only you had told me this. Perhaps I would view you as such a loser. Perhaps I would gain a little more respect from you. Perhaps I would give you some free ketchup packets.
That's when Copycat's eyes light up.
: You will!?
: But alas, you choose to be a monster. When you say you can't control yourself, you're telling me that all you need is the right training. Well, luckily for you, I've trained all my life to be a trainer. I've been in the NFL Hall of Fame. I've been in the XHF Hall of Fame.
: No you haven't. I'm pretty sure that doesn't even exist.
: All that I need to do now is to be in the Training Hall of Fame. I will train you, Copycat, and you will win this match.
: Wait... Match? I have a match?
: As the Master of Whispers, I have heard some little rumors that a match has coming. Some little spiders have spun their little webs to inform me that a match has been incoming.
...backstage where Terry Bradshaw where he surprises a member of the XHF Network booking team. And when I say surprise, I mean with a crowbar. The man falls down and instantly begins to cry.
: HEY, ASSHOLE. PUT US IN A MATCH AT THE FINAL NIGHT OF END OF DAYS. OUR LOSS TO THE RENOVATES WAS BULLSHIT!
XHF Worker: OWWWWW! THAT HURTS SO BADLY! OW-WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
: YOU'RE A SHITTY REF. I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED! I DIDN'T EVEN HIT THAT GAL SO HARD!
XHF Worker: I'M NOT A REFEREE AND YOUR MATCH WITH THE REVENANTS ISN'T EVEN UNTIL THIS WEEKEND! OWWWW! OH I THINK YOU BROKE SOMETHING! OWWWWW!
The scene cuts back to Terry Bradshaw and Copycat back in the bathroom.
: You will be going against The Marshmellow Brothers, Masters of the Crap, The Saiyan Saga and Terr-
: -Terry Club. Yeah. I got it. That's us. You already made that joke before.
: ...Joke?
Awkward silence.
: Anyways, I will show you true training. Your house or mine?
: ...
: You're right. That is a stupid question.
: Exactly, you know that I don't have a hou-
: It's a stupid question because no matter where you go. No matter where you hide. No matter what time of day it is...
Terry Bradshaw's eyes narrows.
: ...I will find you.
Copycat visibly gulps.
: Anyways, have fun!
Terry Bradshaw gives a quick kiss on the cheek of Copycat and runs out of the bathroom. He leaves Copycat in by himself. After a moment of blissful silence, Copycat lets out a drawn out sigh.
: At least I'm finally by myse-
Copycat stops as he turns around and finds the camera in front of him.
: ...oh. You caught all that, did you?
The camera slowly moves up and down.
: So I guess you're expecting some words from me. All in all, I just... I just don't know how things got this bad. You know... I used to be a happy guy. I used to have life going well for me. I mean... I mean, not perfectly. Not well for the average person, even. But I had my son, Copykitten. We had a house. We had food on the table, and we had each other. Now, I don't even know where my son is. I don't know where I'm going to sleep and I don't know where I'm going to eat, but if you saw all that, you may have noticed a little something about me.
Copycat points a thumb to himself.
: Despite being homeless, starving and malnourished for YEARS, I'm still here. I'm still fighting, and I'm still kicking. Is Terry Bradshaw wrong for everything he's done? You betcha. Is he crazy and out of his mind? I'm not so sure he's ever been in the right state of mind. But maybe he's right about one thing. Maybe I am strong. No, I'm not on drugs, and I've never been. But if I've been able to survive being the target of Terry Bradshaw's attention for so long, maybe I'm stronger than I think. Maybe I do have something to offer the wrestling community, and perhaps my match that we just had with Neo James Carner and Keith Williams proved it.
Copycat shrugs toward the camera.
: After all, I did get a pin in. I was able to surprise the wrestlers out there. I was able to surprise the crowd and hell, I was even able to surprise myself. So maybe I'm going to continue wrestling. I'm going to continue getting stronger. Not for the wrestling community. Not for the glory or the gold. No, I'm not even doing this for me. I'm doing this for one person. I'm doing this for Terry Bradshaw. So one day I can be strong enough to keep him away from me, so that he can leave me alone. So that one day I can actually know what it's like to be happy. I mean, I deserve just the... the slightest bit of human decency... Right?
That's when the door bursts open. The person who opens it isn't seen but their voice can be heard.
: Hey, Copycat! There was one piece that came out. Can you throw it in the toilet for me?
Copycat looks horrified as he turns to Bradshaw, just beyond the open door.
: NO I WILL NOT, MR. BRADSHAW> THAT'S DISGUSTING!
: Fine. I'll just January 26th, 2020 it then.
: ...Huh?
: KOBE!
That's when a piece of ACTUAL HUMAN WASTE FLIES across the room and just lands across Copycat's face.
: OH MY GOD! THAT IS SO DISGUSTING!
Copycat runs out. Terry Bradshaw laughs. The scene fades to black.
THE WORLD CUP STADIUM IN SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA!
Or more specifically, the backstage bathroom. Yes, this is set immediately after Week 2 of End of Days. Inside of this pristine, single occupancy restroom is Copycat and Terry Bradshaw. After the two walk in, Terry Bradshaw closes the door behind them.
: What are we doing here, Mr. Bradshaw? I don't have to go potty and even if I did, I can do it by myself.: I'll tell you exactly what we're doing here, my boy.As Terry Bradshaw says this, he undoes his belt, drops his pants and sits on the toilet. His junk is blocked from the view of the camera by Copycat.
: EW! MR. BRADSHAW! I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT!: Stop interrupting me, Copycat. I was in the middle of speaking. Anyways, where was I?Plop.
: There's no way to mince words, here. I'll have to just come right out and say it. You failed me, Copycat.PFPFPFFITHITTHTP. What do you think that is?
: Mr. Bradshaw! I told you! I'm not a wrestler! I can't do that sort of thing! It was a miracle that I was even able to pin James Neo Carner!: That's exactly my poUGGGGGGHTerry Bradshaw's face immediately strains.
: Point. I didn't think you could. Yet you did. There's only one explanation for this.Copycat snickers.
: Mr. Bradshaw, you know I'm not very religi-: YOU ARE USING STEROIDS!: -ous. Not really a man of G- ...What?: That explains your new muscular definition! That explanations that raw power! I didn't know how it happened, but you were able to defeat Nathan Jessica Parker! You obviously don't work out. The only thing that runs is your mouth, like during our field trip.: MY EYE IS STILL INFECTED!: But you did it! You're a muscle-bound freak of nature, Copycat. And we can make some real use of that. Maybe you're not the skinny piece of shit I know that you are.Copycat cocks his head, looks down at himself and looks at the supposed muscle that Terry Bradshaw thinks that he has.
: So in order to test you so we can ensure you aren't going to do something stupid that will GET US DISQUALIFIED, I need to do a drug test on you.: Mr. Bradshaw, we just had a match and the only one there who got disqualified was you.:So what did I do with my drug test?Terry Bradshaw stands up, pulls up his pants and flushes. He then moves toward the test.
: ...Aren't you going to flush?As I said, Copycat. Terry Bradshaw goes to grab the cup.
: Here it is.And he pulls it out. The cup:
: Alright. Pee in that.: That cup looks very jagged...: Oh my god, Copycat. Stop bitching about my Photoshop AND JUST PEE IN IT!Copycat sheepishly goes red and takes the cup from Terry. He looks left and right, seeing Terry staring expectantly.
: ...WELL?: Could I have some privacy, please? Maybe step out of the room?: Copycat, what is it with this utter anger-filled disobedience? Are you having a roid rage? JUST DO IT! Copycat, being as bladder shy as he is, begins shaking and is unable to actually go at all. Terry Bradshaw's face begins to redden to a deep beet color.
: Copycat, can you stop bushing around the beating?! I'll help you!: Mr. Bradshaw, no!Terry Bradshaw runs to Copycat and begins reaching into his pants whereas Copycat tries to hide into embarassment.
THE SCENE CUTS TO...
In the hallway, Maverick is on the phone.
Maverick: Look, for the last time, stop calling me. I'm not the father to your baby and I'm getting really sick of having to change my phone number.
Maverick flips his phone closed. He turns to walk away then stops.
Maverick: I actually need to stop to use the restroom.
Maverick turns and moves towards the other direction. He goes to the bathroom and like a jerk, he doesn't knock on the door. As he opens the door, he finds Terry Bradshaw grabbing something of Copycat. The image is, of course, blocked from the camera view as Maverick's shoulder is obstructing the view.
: YOU NEED TO STOP IT WITH THE JUICE AND STOP BEING SUCH A BIG BOY!: MR. BRADSHAW, YOU MUSN'T TOUCH ME THERE! IT IS FORBIDDEN!: THIS IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU BEATING THAT BUSHING! THAT'S WHEN I STEP IN!Maverick, on purel reflex, slams the door shut. He slowly blinks his eyes and tries to understand what the hell just happened.
Maverick: What... The Fuck?
The scene cuts back into the restroom where Copycat's head is actually... inside the toilet.
: Why do I have to do this again, Mr. Bradshaw?!: Simple, Copycat. You can't go to the bathroom. You are obviously dehydrated. You must replenish your liquids and therefore, you need to drink water.: But why do I have to drink TOILET water? Can't I drink from the water fountain in your hallway?: Maverick just saw you EXPOSING yourself to him. You're an offender, Copycat. You must stay low until the media forgets who you are.: Can I at least drink water from the sink?: Uhhh... it's broken.: Can I at least try?: NO!Terry Bradshaw immediately slams the toilet lid against the top of Copycat's head. His hands and feet begins to flail all around. Copycat tries to scream from inside the toilet.
: MR. BRADSHAW, DID YOU EVEN FLUSH!?: WHAT'S THAT!? YOU WANT ME TO FLUSH!? Terry Bradshaw utilizes the farthest extent of his fantastic leg flexibility by raising it one foot off the floor to press on the flusher. Copycat begins to gargle, choke and scream. He is quite literally drowning. Terry Bradshaw laughs. He keeps laughing until he looks at Copycat's pants and finds it darkening.
: COPYCAT! DID YOU REALLY PEE YOURSELF?Copycat forces himself out of the toilet and looks down at himself.
: I told you, Mr. Bradshaw! I can't control myself!Terry Bradshaw shakes his head slowly. He lots out a sigh.
: Tsk. Tsk. You say that you can't control yourself. I say damn right you can't. Sometimes you transform yourself into a weakling. Sometimes you transform yourself into a freak without a leash. A rebel without a cause. A monster without a cage. Copycat, you are not peeing into this cup because you want to, but cannot. You aren't doing this because you are having trouble yet wanting to prove your innocent. No, you simply do not want to be caught. If only you had told me this. Perhaps I would view you as such a loser. Perhaps I would gain a little more respect from you. Perhaps I would give you some free ketchup packets.That's when Copycat's eyes light up.
: You will!?: But alas, you choose to be a monster. When you say you can't control yourself, you're telling me that all you need is the right training. Well, luckily for you, I've trained all my life to be a trainer. I've been in the NFL Hall of Fame. I've been in the XHF Hall of Fame.: No you haven't. I'm pretty sure that doesn't even exist.: All that I need to do now is to be in the Training Hall of Fame. I will train you, Copycat, and you will win this match.: Wait... Match? I have a match?: As the Master of Whispers, I have heard some little rumors that a match has coming. Some little spiders have spun their little webs to inform me that a match has been incoming.The scene cuts to...
...backstage where Terry Bradshaw where he surprises a member of the XHF Network booking team. And when I say surprise, I mean with a crowbar. The man falls down and instantly begins to cry.
: HEY, ASSHOLE. PUT US IN A MATCH AT THE FINAL NIGHT OF END OF DAYS. OUR LOSS TO THE RENOVATES WAS BULLSHIT!XHF Worker: OWWWWW! THAT HURTS SO BADLY! OW-WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
: YOU'RE A SHITTY REF. I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN DISQUALIFIED! I DIDN'T EVEN HIT THAT GAL SO HARD!XHF Worker: I'M NOT A REFEREE AND YOUR MATCH WITH THE REVENANTS ISN'T EVEN UNTIL THIS WEEKEND! OWWWW! OH I THINK YOU BROKE SOMETHING! OWWWWW!
The scene cuts back to Terry Bradshaw and Copycat back in the bathroom.
: You will be going against The Marshmellow Brothers, Masters of the Crap, The Saiyan Saga and Terr-: -Terry Club. Yeah. I got it. That's us. You already made that joke before.: ...Joke?Awkward silence.
: Anyways, I will show you true training. Your house or mine?: ...: You're right. That is a stupid question.: Exactly, you know that I don't have a hou-: It's a stupid question because no matter where you go. No matter where you hide. No matter what time of day it is...Terry Bradshaw's eyes narrows.
: ...I will find you.Copycat visibly gulps.
: Anyways, have fun!Terry Bradshaw gives a quick kiss on the cheek of Copycat and runs out of the bathroom. He leaves Copycat in by himself. After a moment of blissful silence, Copycat lets out a drawn out sigh.
: At least I'm finally by myse-Copycat stops as he turns around and finds the camera in front of him.
: ...oh. You caught all that, did you?The camera slowly moves up and down.
: So I guess you're expecting some words from me. All in all, I just... I just don't know how things got this bad. You know... I used to be a happy guy. I used to have life going well for me. I mean... I mean, not perfectly. Not well for the average person, even. But I had my son, Copykitten. We had a house. We had food on the table, and we had each other. Now, I don't even know where my son is. I don't know where I'm going to sleep and I don't know where I'm going to eat, but if you saw all that, you may have noticed a little something about me.Copycat points a thumb to himself.
: Despite being homeless, starving and malnourished for YEARS, I'm still here. I'm still fighting, and I'm still kicking. Is Terry Bradshaw wrong for everything he's done? You betcha. Is he crazy and out of his mind? I'm not so sure he's ever been in the right state of mind. But maybe he's right about one thing. Maybe I am strong. No, I'm not on drugs, and I've never been. But if I've been able to survive being the target of Terry Bradshaw's attention for so long, maybe I'm stronger than I think. Maybe I do have something to offer the wrestling community, and perhaps my match that we just had with Neo James Carner and Keith Williams proved it.Copycat shrugs toward the camera.
: After all, I did get a pin in. I was able to surprise the wrestlers out there. I was able to surprise the crowd and hell, I was even able to surprise myself. So maybe I'm going to continue wrestling. I'm going to continue getting stronger. Not for the wrestling community. Not for the glory or the gold. No, I'm not even doing this for me. I'm doing this for one person. I'm doing this for Terry Bradshaw. So one day I can be strong enough to keep him away from me, so that he can leave me alone. So that one day I can actually know what it's like to be happy. I mean, I deserve just the... the slightest bit of human decency... Right?That's when the door bursts open. The person who opens it isn't seen but their voice can be heard.
: Hey, Copycat! There was one piece that came out. Can you throw it in the toilet for me?Copycat looks horrified as he turns to Bradshaw, just beyond the open door.
: NO I WILL NOT, MR. BRADSHAW> THAT'S DISGUSTING!: Fine. I'll just January 26th, 2020 it then.: ...Huh?: KOBE!That's when a piece of ACTUAL HUMAN WASTE FLIES across the room and just lands across Copycat's face.
: OH MY GOD! THAT IS SO DISGUSTING!Copycat runs out. Terry Bradshaw laughs. The scene fades to black.
