Levels | Dillinger Blog
Oct 15, 2020 21:02:14 GMT -5
Dave D-Flipz, bloodiedfox, and 1 more like this
Post by Seth Dillinger on Oct 15, 2020 21:02:14 GMT -5
The Dillinger Files
Levels
OH BABY IT'S BACK.
See... I had planned to go and walk around the arena some more, bring a camera, film myself giving Guillotina a scathing review... but instead, I thought, "Gee, why the fuck would I go out and expose myself in this toxic health hazard of a town if I don't have to?" I considered flipping on the camera and just going to town here in this shitty hotel room, but like... let's be honest, you guys... nobody wants to see this. Here, I'll set the stage for you: imagine that motel room from every crime thriller where the protagonists hideout after doing something illegal? You can picture it. The shitty vinyl flooring. The awful vertical blinds that are broken in like 9 places. The stain on the carpet that you can't be 100% sure is blood... but come on, it definitely is. The shitty TV that only gets one channel. The bed that feels like concrete.
Yeah. I'm staying inside Quentin Tarantino's wet dream. And it fucking sucks.
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1578873025ra/28765394.gif)
(Pictured: a close approximation of my room, except at least this one is aesthetic as fuck.)
![](https://images.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1578873025ra/28765394.gif)
(Pictured: a close approximation of my room, except at least this one is aesthetic as fuck.)
But, let's be honest. If I had decided to shoot another video in a different location, Guillotina probably just would've ripped me off too. I mean, he did the first time. I went and shot my promo walking around the streets outside the arena, and Guillotina does the same thing. I end my promo by telling Guillotina I'll see him soon, he does the same thing. It's like this slackjawed pervert can't think of anything original to say when he has to actually face me. The dude cheap shots me at Fired Up, for no fucking reason I might add, then demands this title opportunity, which Steele obviously granted because he cannot stand me, and the best he has to show for it is... literally ripping off my promo, beat for beat?
Booooo. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Goddammit, I can't believe I flew to this shithole for THIS.
Do you know what Guillotina has going for him? His abs. That's it. That's all. Dude has a nice set of abs. But he has the personality of a literal mentally handicapped person. It's not offensive, because I'm using it in the most real sense. Don't fucking @ me, Twitter warriors. Seriously, the way he talks, the things he thinks are funny... they remind me of like, a literal person with Down's Syndrome. Where they might be 40 years old but still have this childlike way they see they world. The things they think are funny, or clever, or exciting are just... so out of touch with what a well-adjusted adult would think. That's him. That's Guillotina. The fucked up defective child trying to sit at the big table with the grownups.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I originally used the word "r*tarded" in a scientific manner and XHF censored me. Cool. Can we get Mongo's dumb fucking ass on censoring the amount of sexism and homophobia on the Network instead of worrying about people using words in a scientific manner? That'd be dope!]
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I originally used the word "r*tarded" in a scientific manner and XHF censored me. Cool. Can we get Mongo's dumb fucking ass on censoring the amount of sexism and homophobia on the Network instead of worrying about people using words in a scientific manner? That'd be dope!]
I mean, let's really talk about this for a second. Isn't Felix Ziko somehow liable here? He let this assclown into AWF. When I damage him severely at Fired Up, can I be charged with child abuse? Can Felix be sued for criminal negligence? HE THINKS HE'S A TIME TRAVELER, FELIX. AT WHAT POINT DURING THE NEGOTIATIONS DID THAT SEEM ALL-CLEAR TO YOU? Or maybe it's Steele who hired him. Fuck if I know! But... there's gotta be something irresponsible about letting him in the company, let alone into a match with me.
Picture this: The Best To Ever Do It versus... a guy who thought mistaking my last name as "Gilette" instead of "Dillinger" was somehow funny. Oh, or calling "Revenants" "Revecunts". PEAK FUCKING COMEDY. MY GOD. This is the one time I wish I had my fucking camera going so I could give you all a quick glimpse at my reaction. Hang on, I think I can find something for this...
(It's me. I'm Pete Davidson in this scenario.)
Why... WHY is Guillotina so fucking obsessed with talking about balls and dicks? I mean yes, okay, calm down all you Armchair Freudians out there, I can just HEAR you pushing your glasses up your nose and going WELL UHM, ACKSHUALLY. So... let's skip the obvious. A man that doesn't have balls or a dick being obsessed with balls and dick is pretty blatant. A bit on the nose, maybe? But... Jesus... the guy talks about it nonstop. First, he says I have a lot of balls. Then he mentions he has no balls. Or dick, can't forget the fact he has no dick. But then, he says I'm ball-less. Now, I hear you, this GREATLY contradicts the fact he already said I have a lot of balls. If you cannot keep track, that's okay -- it's really fucking irrelevant because not even Guillotina knows what point he's making. But don't look away yet! He then makes a very clever joke about cockfights not being his thing. You know, because, again, he has no dick. Then he starts talking about dildos. And shoving things up assholes.
I... I mean... I...
![](https://i.imgur.com/ZKIOj5c.gif)
(Pictured: an appropriate reaction to Guillotina's dick obsession)
![](https://i.imgur.com/ZKIOj5c.gif)
(Pictured: an appropriate reaction to Guillotina's dick obsession)
I don't know anymore. It's a lot of dick talk. Does he do this all the time? Or is it just because he's facing me? And... what the fuck is up with Guillotina thinking that I'm really into kinky stuff, exactly? I don't discuss any kinks or shit like that in public. I've... talked about being gay. Like literally just... plain Jane vanilla gay. See, what I think is, Guillotina is a depraved, perverted piece of shit. But he has to see himself as the good guy. That's why he chastizes his narrator for being sexist. Nothing the Narrator said was sexist! He just said you got beat by a girl half your size. Why is that sexist? In any way? It's not... but damn, Guillotina wasted no time projecting his own darkness onto other people.
The narrator is sexist! The Revenants are cunts! Seth Dillinger is into kinky dildos and bats being shoved up his ass! Maverick can only get off if he fucks the corpse AFTER decapitation!
...actually, that last one might be true.
But the point still stands. This dude is just... gross. Dripping with grossness. Maybe he's not into weird shit like he projected onto me, but I think that's somehow worse. Because that means the dude thinks that since I'm gay, I'm sexually deviant. So... which is it, Guillotina? Are you a perverted piece of shit? Or are you a homophobic piece of shit? I guess the answer doesn't matter, but it would help to know which particular brand of shit I have to deal with on Sunday.
![](https://i.imgur.com/D3DJIlK.png)
(Pictured: my work of art, which I'm calling "The Guillotina Dilemma")
![](https://i.imgur.com/D3DJIlK.png)
(Pictured: my work of art, which I'm calling "The Guillotina Dilemma")
You're just a bump in the road for me, Guillotina. That's sad, isn't it? After this, I'm going to keep my title, and I'm going to move on to new challenges, and I'm going to keep adding on record after record to the history books, because I am the fucking Best To Ever Do It. Hell, even if you cheat and win by using a numbers advantage, you know what? I'll be fine. I'll continue to be THE superstar that keeps AWF on the map. I'll still have all my records, and my legacy will still be in tact at the end of the day. I'll still be Seth goddamn Dillinger. But... if you lose? Well, that's pretty much it, isn't it?
You made a splash when you joined AWF, but since then... what have you even done? I'll note that as you listed off your accomplishments -- you mentioned overpowering androids, or whatever -- that was a fairly slim list in terms of things you've actually done in the ring. You say that victories don't matter now. But... I've got some news for you, Guillotina. Here, lean in really close to the screen as you read this, okay? I need to make sure as much of what I'm about to type absorbs through that thick, undulated Cro-Magnon skull of yours:
Keep scrolling....
Make sure your eyes are as close to the screen as possible.....
VICTORIES
AND
DEFEATS
ARE
LITERALLY
EVERYTHING
IN
THIS
BUSINESS
THAT'S IT. THAT'S THE WHOLE THING. Do you know HOW many times I've listed out my past successes, only to be told by people that it doesn't matter, because NOW I am facing a NEW BREED of fighter. God, it's like clockwork. Do you know why I'm the Best To Ever Do It? Do you know why nobody even tries to push me on that claim? Because I have the receipts to back it up. You're not a new breed of fighter. You're what, 6'3"? 200 pounds? OOOOOH. WOW, WHAT A FRESH NEW BUILD! You finish people off with POWERFUL MMA KICKS AND SUBMISSION HOLDS? Whoa dude. A martial arts submission expert? FUCKING BOLD, WILD NEW FRONTIERS. NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE. You're a black belt or something. Great. Welcome to a wrestling match where falls count anywhere. Did your Taekwondo teach you how to remove glass shards from your back after I smash it through a window? Did your Jiu-Jitsu teach you how to avoid an adult man flying off the top of something and crushing your ribs with velocity and force?
You're nothing new, Guillotina. The only thing new about you is I don't believe I've faced someone who believes they're a time traveler before. Spouting nonsense from the future, claiming COVID-19 is over or something. It's just... it's just too easy to take shots at you for this delusion, so I won't. I hope you are very happy on your very real spaceship with your definitely-not-sex-robot assistant and the Narrator. I'll let you keep this one, Guillo. I don't want to break you too hard.
You did ask me a very pointed question though. You asked me if I thought I was better than you because I beat a man ten times my size. No, I don't think that at all. I think I'm better than you because I fucking am. I think I'm better than you because while you've been playing grab ass with Rob Garcia's table scraps, I've been elevating this company to new heights. I think I'm better than you because while you've won an eight person Battle Royale on a boat, I've won the goddamn XHF Rumble against 49 other people, setting the bar for most eliminations. I think I'm better than you because while you beat a bear at Fired Up, I won the whole thing. TWICE. I am a better version of whatever you could hope to be in every single conceivable way.
At the risk of pulling a Guillotina and ripping him off, it does feel appropriate here.
Simply put... why am I better than you, Guillotina?
Because...
I'M ON ANOTHER LEVEL!!
See? When I use it, the catchphrase doesn't sound stupid as fuck.
I'M ON ANOTHER LEVEL!!
See? When I use it, the catchphrase doesn't sound stupid as fuck.
![](https://i.imgur.com/0F4Wd7l.png)