Post by SWAT Team on Oct 18, 2020 2:19:23 GMT -5
[The scene opens up to the Playboy Mansion, a closer zoom in goes to a huge Jacuzzi spa bath, seated in it are Mad dog Paul Soutter, Joe Pesci, Mel Gibson and Mark Harmon. Seated inbetween each of them is two girls, one under each mans shoulder, all 12 hold a shot glass up in the air.]
Soutter : To Adrian Tanner
[Soutter skulls his shot, as do all the other 11.]
Soutter : Man o Man, i still dont believe it.
[Soutter necks down half a beer.]
Soutter : You know guys, when we relaunched SWAT 12 months ago, Tanner was the first person i went to, the very first. Without his support, i dont know if we would of re opened. He was great like that, always there for us, all he said was simply. SWAT is my home. Im IN!
He called himself the Pride of SWAT, and i tell you all, he was that and so much more. We were so proud of everything he did here and accomplished, he was the face of SWAT, he reached heights here with us that none have!
He will never be able to be replaced, but remember and honour him we will!
[We see a buxom hottie with a round tray full of shots appears outside the spa, and everyone grabs another shot and necks them.]
Soutter : And our honouring begins in this tribute card we are running. I must say, the response of all our friends around the world has been remarkable, so many gladly wanting to participate and be a part of it as they all honour and remember him in their own way.
Not least of all, my scheduled opponent, Robert Hunglestein the Third.
Soutter : (to the camera) Hunglestein! I could say this is the day i have been waiting for, but that would be a lie. I could go on a rant about how i have cursed your name since the day so long ago you left the Bandits to sell out to Angel and stuck a knife in my back to do so, and how much it ate up at me all them years ago and how i never forget and will finally have my vengeance on you, and that the Anzac Cup was just an appetiser and now this will be the main course.
I could say this whole thing has got me feeling a little nostalgic, and remembering also the good times we had in this business. I could say i dont blame you for selling out, you saw your chance, and you took it. Of all the heights Tanner reached here in SWAT, you also reached in our pre SWAT days in not only the UWA but also the great Hardkore World. You sir are a true great.
I could say that and wish you the best, but i just cant. I find it so ............. infuriating, that you, YOU! Can think you can waltz back in here and get to battle me, ME! The Big Bad Bustling Bandit!
After you have been missing all this time, you think so highly of yourself that you think you can get by me in our tribute to our greatest star. That you can breeze past me on this night of all nights. That makes me crazy with rage.
Pal. Let me tell you something. There is nothing i will not do to make this night a success, and this company a success and bring it back to the glory we once had. NOTHING! And if that means caving an old has been like yours skull, all the better.
Joe Pesci : Get this thru your head you Jew Mother Fucka YOU!
Soutter : Take a look around, this is how the KGB role. Joe Mother Fucken Pesci, Riggs and Gibbs, what a tag team that would BE! And look at all these fine tag teams in the spa with us.
[Shot zones around the hot bikini cleavage of the playboy bunnies.]
Mel Gibson : Enough of the Turd, Suit. Tell us of some of the good times with Tanner.
Soutter : You got it. O man, there was this time when we were in hiatus, and he and i were working on a new project, well, we went for lunch across from the SWAT offices at Maccas, and this nice girl there was so pleasant to me and gave me the look, i just had to have her. I looked at him, and he knew, we are coming back here for lunch again tomorrow, i smiled and that we did, and the next day, and the next day, and the next 50 days. Poor bugger put on 20 pounds.
Joe Pesci : Did ya fuck her?
Soutter : Did i what. Let me tell you, we even got a tub of that chesseburger sauce, would make sandwiches with it, damn, i smeared that shit all over her hot bits and even with it looking like it was blood gushing out of there i would gobble that shit up like the fn hamburgler. What a wingman.
[They all look at him in silence for an skward moment.]
Soutter : They dont call me the Sheik of Freak for nothing.
Mark Harmon : I didnt know they did.
Soutter : Well, they dont, but, they do NOW.
Joe Pesci : (slapping the water and irritably to one of his women under his arm) See Iris, why dont you do Fucken shit like THAT!
Mark Harmon : How about in the ring Suit? Got some stories of Tanner in the ring?
Soutter : I could write a freaken book Gibbs. (Harmon looks non plused being referred to as his NCIS character but knows not to correct the Centre of Attention) I would have to say the two stand outs are his epic fued with the Ace Sly Fondell. They sold out the world. And then teaming together with him to thwart Legion X. Ohhhh those were the days.
Iris : Where is Bruno Suit?
Soutter : I gave him a couple of weeks off, he and DK are preparing for their tag match against Rick Owens boys.
Joe Pesci : Where is Bruno? There the FUCK IS BRUNO? What the Fuck do you care where the Fuck Bruno is? Is that what you want is it? Seven Foot Tall Fucken Compton Colossal Bruno?
Iris : It was just a question.
The waitress appears with another tray of shots, everyone grabbing one.
Joe Pesci : (to the waitress) Thats how you do it. Tell me something, how come you are serving them drinks and not in here with Fucken US?
Waitress : Its my first day sir.
Joe Pesci : Well, miss first day on the job, how would you like to tell your grand kids about the day you blew Joe Pesci in the Playboy Mansion while The Big Bad Bustling Bandit demoed you from behind?
Waitress : (smiling sluttily) Well .................. i am not sure .............
Joe Pesci : Lesson one. Dont Fucken speak! Now, get your sexy ass in here. You (to Iris) hit the bricks, you have been replaced, go get us another tray of shots. Where is Bruno. Fuck Me! Kiss her i will be tasting Eddie Murphy and Danny Glover.
[Iris storms out of the spa, and the waitress coyly comes in. Mark Harmon makes his way out ... holding out his hand and 7 of the girls follow him.
Mark Harmon : Good luck at the Memorial show Suit. What you doing Mel?
Mel Gibson : Im (grinning) staying.
[Mark Harmon walks off flanked by the tarts like he was Ric Flair as the scene fades to Bass guitar porn riffs.]
Soutter : To Adrian Tanner
[Soutter skulls his shot, as do all the other 11.]
Soutter : Man o Man, i still dont believe it.
[Soutter necks down half a beer.]
Soutter : You know guys, when we relaunched SWAT 12 months ago, Tanner was the first person i went to, the very first. Without his support, i dont know if we would of re opened. He was great like that, always there for us, all he said was simply. SWAT is my home. Im IN!
He called himself the Pride of SWAT, and i tell you all, he was that and so much more. We were so proud of everything he did here and accomplished, he was the face of SWAT, he reached heights here with us that none have!
He will never be able to be replaced, but remember and honour him we will!
[We see a buxom hottie with a round tray full of shots appears outside the spa, and everyone grabs another shot and necks them.]
Soutter : And our honouring begins in this tribute card we are running. I must say, the response of all our friends around the world has been remarkable, so many gladly wanting to participate and be a part of it as they all honour and remember him in their own way.
Not least of all, my scheduled opponent, Robert Hunglestein the Third.
Soutter : (to the camera) Hunglestein! I could say this is the day i have been waiting for, but that would be a lie. I could go on a rant about how i have cursed your name since the day so long ago you left the Bandits to sell out to Angel and stuck a knife in my back to do so, and how much it ate up at me all them years ago and how i never forget and will finally have my vengeance on you, and that the Anzac Cup was just an appetiser and now this will be the main course.
I could say this whole thing has got me feeling a little nostalgic, and remembering also the good times we had in this business. I could say i dont blame you for selling out, you saw your chance, and you took it. Of all the heights Tanner reached here in SWAT, you also reached in our pre SWAT days in not only the UWA but also the great Hardkore World. You sir are a true great.
I could say that and wish you the best, but i just cant. I find it so ............. infuriating, that you, YOU! Can think you can waltz back in here and get to battle me, ME! The Big Bad Bustling Bandit!
After you have been missing all this time, you think so highly of yourself that you think you can get by me in our tribute to our greatest star. That you can breeze past me on this night of all nights. That makes me crazy with rage.
Pal. Let me tell you something. There is nothing i will not do to make this night a success, and this company a success and bring it back to the glory we once had. NOTHING! And if that means caving an old has been like yours skull, all the better.
Joe Pesci : Get this thru your head you Jew Mother Fucka YOU!
Soutter : Take a look around, this is how the KGB role. Joe Mother Fucken Pesci, Riggs and Gibbs, what a tag team that would BE! And look at all these fine tag teams in the spa with us.
[Shot zones around the hot bikini cleavage of the playboy bunnies.]
Mel Gibson : Enough of the Turd, Suit. Tell us of some of the good times with Tanner.
Soutter : You got it. O man, there was this time when we were in hiatus, and he and i were working on a new project, well, we went for lunch across from the SWAT offices at Maccas, and this nice girl there was so pleasant to me and gave me the look, i just had to have her. I looked at him, and he knew, we are coming back here for lunch again tomorrow, i smiled and that we did, and the next day, and the next day, and the next 50 days. Poor bugger put on 20 pounds.
Joe Pesci : Did ya fuck her?
Soutter : Did i what. Let me tell you, we even got a tub of that chesseburger sauce, would make sandwiches with it, damn, i smeared that shit all over her hot bits and even with it looking like it was blood gushing out of there i would gobble that shit up like the fn hamburgler. What a wingman.
[They all look at him in silence for an skward moment.]
Soutter : They dont call me the Sheik of Freak for nothing.
Mark Harmon : I didnt know they did.
Soutter : Well, they dont, but, they do NOW.
Joe Pesci : (slapping the water and irritably to one of his women under his arm) See Iris, why dont you do Fucken shit like THAT!
Mark Harmon : How about in the ring Suit? Got some stories of Tanner in the ring?
Soutter : I could write a freaken book Gibbs. (Harmon looks non plused being referred to as his NCIS character but knows not to correct the Centre of Attention) I would have to say the two stand outs are his epic fued with the Ace Sly Fondell. They sold out the world. And then teaming together with him to thwart Legion X. Ohhhh those were the days.
Iris : Where is Bruno Suit?
Soutter : I gave him a couple of weeks off, he and DK are preparing for their tag match against Rick Owens boys.
Joe Pesci : Where is Bruno? There the FUCK IS BRUNO? What the Fuck do you care where the Fuck Bruno is? Is that what you want is it? Seven Foot Tall Fucken Compton Colossal Bruno?
Iris : It was just a question.
The waitress appears with another tray of shots, everyone grabbing one.
Joe Pesci : (to the waitress) Thats how you do it. Tell me something, how come you are serving them drinks and not in here with Fucken US?
Waitress : Its my first day sir.
Joe Pesci : Well, miss first day on the job, how would you like to tell your grand kids about the day you blew Joe Pesci in the Playboy Mansion while The Big Bad Bustling Bandit demoed you from behind?
Waitress : (smiling sluttily) Well .................. i am not sure .............
Joe Pesci : Lesson one. Dont Fucken speak! Now, get your sexy ass in here. You (to Iris) hit the bricks, you have been replaced, go get us another tray of shots. Where is Bruno. Fuck Me! Kiss her i will be tasting Eddie Murphy and Danny Glover.
[Iris storms out of the spa, and the waitress coyly comes in. Mark Harmon makes his way out ... holding out his hand and 7 of the girls follow him.
Mark Harmon : Good luck at the Memorial show Suit. What you doing Mel?
Mel Gibson : Im (grinning) staying.
[Mark Harmon walks off flanked by the tarts like he was Ric Flair as the scene fades to Bass guitar porn riffs.]