If I Did It. . . [PM ZS EOD EP8]

[mosler]

{{Sanur beach.}}

{{The Puerto Rican phenomenon’s young family plays around in the sand. Serene and calm, Sanur enjoys all the natural beauty of Indonesian beaches without the same mass of tourists as the more surf friendly locations. Twenty feet from the water, everyone’s favourite teenage sensation – who looks disturbing like a middle aged Eastern European – is leaning back in a recliner. Pepe Morales stops his chain smoking to wave over to his wife and son. They seem to be enjoying the sun.  Balancing his cigarette on the edge of the chair, Morales picks his book back up.}}

Pepe Morales:

XHF, funny running into you here. We are quickly arriving at ze End of Days. Having had Adam Sanders trying to feed me to ze flames, I now arrive at ze finals, where Dakota Jennings will attempt to force me into a coffin.  Zis tournament sure has a lot of negative death imagery, especially aimed at ze man who everyone seems to zink is dead.

{{Thin lips creep into a malevolent grin, only too quickly contort back into a deadpan. Morales is very good at looking wide-eyed and innocent. Almost like he’s had decades to work on it.}}

Pepe Morales:

Ze amount of damage zat Adam Sander did to my body, you would zink zat it was an AWF conspiracy to get Dakota Jennings ze win.  Zat of course makes no sense, given my promise to use ze prize to bring ze X*Crown home to Ascension. ...Or am I lying about zat too?

{{The Hurricane Kid rolls his eyes mockingly.}}

Pepe Morales:

I ask you, where is ze trust? As a rookie without a federation, I was ze long shot in ze tournament. Yet thanks to Adam, it will take a miracle for Dakota not to win. So with a few days until execution, I have decided to lick my wounds in ze sun, and enjoy ze time with my family. Sanders learns something new from every match, so if he gets nothing else from being torched let it be <waves hand at family> how much more important family is zan wrestling. Ask Eddie.  Even if I don’t take ze tournament, I will cherish zese moments. Curled up close to my loved ones with a drink and a good book.

{{Morales looks down at his book for a moment, the gears turning.}}

Pepe Morales:

Do you like to read, XHF? I am into sports autobiographies myself.  Ze form of competition doesn’t matter as much... Formula 1, Boxing, Fox Hunting... no matter what ze field, to be at ze peak of it, we all require a certain drive. We are a breed apart. Whether it's Lewis Hamilton or GGG, no one comes closer to understanding what its like for me in my element. Zeir stories might as well be my own. At ze moment, I’m living vicariously zrough ze juice...

{{With a sinister chuckle, Pepe Morales raises the book he is currently reading.}}

Pepe Morales:

If I did it. In which OJ Simpson provides a hypothetical scenario in which he brutally murders his wife.

{{Cold smile.}}

Pepe Morales:

Zis got me to zinking. So many of ze XHF seem to zink zat Zoran Sainovic somehow purchased ze wrestling license of a down on his luck minor from hurricane ravaged Puerto Rico – preposterous I know – but what if?  Why don’t we explore zat zinking.

IF I DID IT.

Zoran Sainovic:

Good afternoon XHF. It has been awhile.

{{The trashy book drops down into the sand, as Morales sits up in the chair to greet his audience.}}

Pepe Morales:

Zere are some slanderous rumours going around zat I slashed ze budgets of every department, and then proceeded to steal Syndicate Wrestling’s operating funds for ze next two years, no small sum of money. In order to execute ze heist, I apparently needed to fake my own death in a haunted house match involving Lucky Linda Le Fay and zat troll, Bones. By all accounts, zis was a success. Ze money is missing. SWAT is hurting for it, and Zoran Sainovic is legally dead.

With zese vast sums of wealth, why aren’t I retired on a tropical beach, enjoying ze easy life with my family? WHY am I having to do zis <waves hand at surroundings> as part of a work related travelling expense? Am I zat cheap? Is ze world economy in such dire straights zat I blew zrough forty million in one fiscal quarter? Zat doesn’t really add up, now does it? Having committed ze crime of ze XHF, and gotten away complete free – zere is no possible reason to risk it all! All I have to do to enjoy a long and cushy life is to keep a low profile, and not announce my resurrection on ze television set.


Seems like a pretty easy gig, so why would a man of my intelligence blow it?

{{Pondering this, Morales takes another long drag on his cigarette, taking a different approach to the breakdown.}}

Pepe Morales:

Likeliest scenario? In appearing on XHF Network television and being confirmed visually as another person, Zoran can spend ze rest of his life walking around without looking over his shoulder. SWAT has no recourse on confirming Zoran being alive as zey sat back and let ze network zey air on profit off of ze criminal's appearances.  I am legally Pepe.

Less likely, but still possible?  Zat Zoran is excited by danger, and even in death, risking everything he ever cared about is ze only way for him to feel alive.

Both sound a little far fetched, but lets at least unpack ze rest of zis from Zoran’s perspective.

To steal forty million, he has to lose to Lucky Linda. He HATES Lucky Linda. How can he devalue her big moment? By spending ze month beforehand losing to everyone he every wronged. Zis is a two pronged attacked. It devalues ze wins over him, while simultaneously balancing out his karma. Feeling bad for stealing Maverick’s strap with a “what about poor SWAT” sympathy ploy? He can return ze favour. Communist origins getting to him over his going straight to ze main event? Make it happen in ze opener! Rob Death Trap of his well-earned End of Days moment of glory, well, just give him a bigger one. Manipulate title shots to screw Caffrey for stealing ze X*Crown in ze rumble, and SWAT for not having his back? Check and mate. Zose are a lot of machinations. What must you zink of poor, Zoran?

Ze problem with zat wild fit of fancy is... have you ever lost to Maverick? Even if you do it with ze best of intentions, he makes it sting. Sainovic’s kid got beat up saying Zoran was more zan politics, and zen Maverick kicked Zoran’s ass and showed ze world zat ze old man had no real fight.

So Zoran enters ze End of Days with one goal in mind, not victory, but doing whatever it takes to cost Maverick ze tournament. It is ze only way to get rid of zat sting. Only Swann, good old Swann, executes Sainovic’s purpose for him – cutting Maverick out of ze tournament like so many Mike Lio heads.

{{Reaching across his armrest, Pepe Morales enjoys a refreshing arak. This is just alcoholic enough for him to change tenses.}}

Pepe Morales:

Maverick is gone. Swann has taken MY purpose. Why do I stick around?

I could take Swann down a peg for stealing my chance at revenge. Alternatively, I could lay down for Ze King in ze finals, as both zanks for his dealing with Maverick, while working a beheading rib zat definitely cements my alibi. It is certainly ze finals zat everyone wants to see, and a match of zat quality could let my show Oliver zat I am more zan just politics.

My son. Living by example. I could win ze End of Days, and show my boy, Death Trap, how to make ze most of ze prize. Or I could even give him ze title shot in return for his acknowledging my paternity claim. Like father like son.  What fun we would have bonding.

Ze AWF scenario. I took zeir strap, and rather zan fight to get it back, zey doubled down on ze Prestige title being ze strap of choice. Dillinger has done an annoyingly good job with zat too – but I can’t let it stand.  Ze amount of bodies zat Ascension had in ze rumble was a major factor in my humiliating defeat. I took something from zem, and only Fox seems to care. What an absolutely PERFECT insult, if a year after I removed ze X*Crown from zem, I was ze man to return it to zem? Beyond zem wanting to kill me, ze flame war it would start with SWAT? Rome never burned so brightly.

{{Morales finishes off his arak, before leaning back in the chair.}}

Pepe Morales:

Zere are a number of motivating factors, but lets look at ze last big step between ME and securing a legacy zat makes me more zan just a flash in ze pan X*Crown champion...

Dakota Jennings.

Did you enjoy your US title run, such as it was? Well, you really have ME to zank for zat. Ze person zat broke Bloody Fox’s focus?  Ze one zat has distracted Fox for almost a year... ze one zat divided attention so zat you could pick up ze win? Zat was yours truly. Seems like it would be only fair for you to return ze favour and just lose ze finals gracefully.

You said zat ze US title had been a distraction to your End of Days tournament up until zis point. Do you consider trophies to be hindrances? Will ze End of Days victory just be another nuisance? Ze most prestigious tournament in ze XHF an albatross around your neck? Do you understand how it sounds when you say zat Constantine, Mueller and KING Swann weren’t worthy of your full attention? In tearing down your opponents zat way, you diminish your path to ze win.  Zat is almost like saying zat in forcing Brad Swann to face all ze toughest competition in ze early rounds, you only beat him because he was burnt out. Doesn’t sound good, does it? And I would never say it. Because you’re ze best Dakota! Which is exactly what I will write on ze men’s room wall after I defeat you.

Let’s address your nonsensical revenge diatribe, in which, you can find nothing interesting to say about me, so decide zat Adam Sanders owes me one, and even zough you're not buddies, you’re going to collect? Why does everything have to be about ze AWF with you people?  Zis is an international competition with dozens of bruised egos. Adam Sanders has nothing to do with ze finals. I was starting to zink you were showing me a sign of respect by referring to me as Morales, but now I’m starting to believe you’re so self-absorbed you just don’t watch other people’s shit. Way to live ze gimmick, Jennings.

I like how ze fans started to really appreciate you. (slow clap) Zat was a nice moment. So you’re like a defacto good guy, huh? You face a person of Swann’s strong character, and by virtue of being ze lesser evil, you get some sympathy. Cross doesn’t care enough about you to explain zis, so let a perfect stranger walk you zrough it. Zose cheers? Zat doesn’t make you an effective face, just not a very effective heel. If zat is ze reaction you’re looking for – <fiendish grin> just wait until you see how strongly zey cheer you over me.

{{Another long drag. The smoke comes in circles.}}

Pepe Morales:

What I want, and what I deserve. What do you want, Dakota? I know. It’s not a wrestling tournament, and it’s certainly not respect. Well, I’m going to give it to you.

You want to have children, and be a trophy wife. You frequently refer to yourself as a trophy wife, even zough we all know you’re just a sidepiece. Your biological clock is ticking SO DAMN FAST; I zought we were in a time bomb match. So how do I cut zrough all ze entitlement, AWF references, out of touch heroics, and get you what your selfish little heart truly desires?

I shove you in a coffin, and I let it explode.

Ze kind of marks zat a shallow fuck like Cross won’t accept from his Trophy bicycle. Zat relationship is over. I’m freeing you.  Ze bad news is, you won’t understand ze kindness I have shown you. Ze good news is, you have a shot at a real life. When Cross gets rid of you for being hideously deformed, you can find a nice guy. You like talking about Adam Sander so much I zought you were already married, but at your age, anyone will do. Step two; being intimate with ANYONE other zan Cross will immediately result in your nuclear family. Are you ze luckiest, obscenely ugly, racist piece of shit in ze freak show? Well, you’re certainly ze one zat ze fans appreciate ze most. No wrestling accolades needed for zat happy ending, and you’re welcome.

{{The Hurricane Kid starts to go back to his book, only to stop.}}

Pepe Morales:

Oh yeah, one last scenario. What if – ze only reason Zoran Sainovic was still going out of his way to win ze End of Days was to prevent you from winning, Dakota? What possible reason could he have for zat spite? Could it be, after all zis time, zat he is still steamed at Cross for appearing in SWAT to call him out, and is getting back at Recoba zrough you?  Petty.  Another door slammed in your face as a result of your love.

How tragic.

{{Pleased with himself, Morales lifts his book.}}

Pepe Morales:

All of zis is, of course, a hypothetical scenario. Zoran Sainovic is very much dead. I am Ze Hurricane Kid – and Dakota’s inability to tell ze difference between Hispanic countries is just ze kind of racism zat will make ME make her PAY for acting like she is ze face in our little contest.

You can learn a lot from OJ Simpson.

I am not reading zis book to find ze best way to cut a bitch.

But if ze gloves don’t fit? Keep stabbing until ze blood slickens zem up. You can make it work!

I am not confessing to ending Dakota Jennings' career… just making it. After all, zis has been...

{{Morales raises the book in front of his face for a tight close-up on the cover.}}

“If I did it.”