S2 EP9 - "The Battle of St. Mary" 4/08/18
Oct 30, 2020 0:46:35 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer likes this
Post by radu on Oct 30, 2020 0:46:35 GMT -5
SWAT BACKYARD
The BATTLE OF ST. MARY
St. Mary's Medical Centre
West Palm Beach, Florida
Report by Simon Corkinvale
Last week was my son Jeremy's birthday, and we got him a hoverboard to celebrate it. It took four days before he managed to fracture his arm in four places. We took him to St. Mary's Medical Centre to have the arm reset. While he was recovering, a sleazy lounge lizard (EDITOR'S NOTE: Definitely Lucerio Villaini) asked if we'd like to take in a wrestling show, that was being put on to entertain the younger patients. With his dreams of being a world class hover artist shattered, filling Jeremy's brain with power bombs is just what I need... but I couldn't say no to him.
We were escorted down the hall to a small hospital room. There must have been 40 people shoved into it, even though I doubt they would allow more than two visitors in for a patient. Seated in the bed was a wrestler wearing a giant moose helmet (EDITOR'S NOTE: Anonymoose) who appeared to be in a coma. The capacity crowd lit up with the appearance of ZORAN SAINOVIC! My son is a HUGE fan of The Industrial Man, and even though he never appears at ringside, I-Man's manager gets treated like a hero.
Sainovic reluctantly signs my son's cast, before announcing that he's there to get revenge on Anonymoose.
THE BATTLE OF ST. MARY
GRUDGE MATCH
ANONYMOOSE VS. ZORAN SAINOVIC
Sainovic immediately goes to work holding a pillow over Anonymoose's face. His heart monitor starts to slow.
Everyone seems a little uncomfortable, but fortunately another SWAT (backyard) PLAYER makes the save. For tagging with The Industrial Man, Beelzebozo Buster Friendly is almost as popular as Zoran Sainovic. Almost. Friendly acts like he is visiting his manager in the hospital, but all signs point to him having been admitted for alcohol poisoning and accidentally stumbling across the scene. Fortunately his moral failings go right over my boy's head.
The argument eventually turns into a shoving match, which sounds funny until you realize that Sainovic is still smothering Anonymoose while doing it. I hope the guy doesn't get brain damage. Looking to make the most of a bad situation, the sleazy lounge lizard LUCERIO VILLAINI changes the match.
THE BATTLE OF ST.MARY'S...
EMERGENCY ROOM BRAWL
ACW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
"Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly <c> vs. Zoran Sainovic
Normally I wouldn't give The Industrial Man's elderly manager a hope in hell against the Atlantic Coast champion, but I think Friendly was only halfway through his stomach pump. Beelzebozo is a shade of green I wouldn't accept from hospital jello, let alone human skin tone. Looking more like the kind of alien that James Kirk would have his way with.
Sainovic lays in most of his shots to Friendly's gut, which ends in the clown belching blood. I have to assume most of the people in the room are plants, because they get absolutely drenched in it. It should be noted that this wild brawl is somewhat hampered by the two men having two square feet of space between them. We are packed like sardines in this tiny room. With Beelzebozo oozing and spraying all sorts of infectious looking liquids, the crowd try to direct the two men away from them. Its a five minute fight for a headlock, with the two stumbling into EVERYONE. I try to put myself between the rasslers and my boy. It looks like the promoter has locked the door, because there are definitely people trying to get out.
Finding a large vase of flowers reading "Get well soon, From Vile" Beelzebozo SMASHES them over Sainovic's head, covering the people by the window in glass and baby's breathe. Pulling out a pink stuffed bunny toy doused in chloroform, Sainovic drives it into the clowns face with a mandible claw. Its such a small space, we're all taking in the fumes. As a sleepy Beelzebozo tries to fight out of the hold, both men fall backwards into the hospital bed. Anonymoose's vital signs flicker across the cardiac monitor as the two men roll around on top of him. Flat on his back, the champion rolls up a used crossword puzzle and starts smacking Sainovic across the head with it. SAINOVIC NO SELLS IT! Grabbing another bouquet of tulips, Beelzebozo swings wild, which hit their mark, only to curse that he already used the ones in the vase. It looks like champion is passing out and that Zoran Sainovic will be the next ACW champion.
Looking out the window to the parking lot a few floors below, I noticed ACW owner Stefan Slain staring up from his car. Despite the thick glass you can actually hear him say...
Stefan Slain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Sparks shoot out of the wall as Beelzebozo yanks out a machine that goes beep, and BREAKS IT over Sainovic's head. Beep. Well almost break- beep- repeatedly hits the older man across the head with the device until he drops the stuffed animal, and the machine stops beeping. Smoke wafting out of the broken equipment sets off the sprinkler system. I throw my coat over Jeremy's cast to keep it from getting wet. The cold water gives the claustrophobic crowd members at the door the adrenaline they need to bust it open. Like so many backyard shows before this, the audience start fleeing.
I get Jeremy out into the hallway, seconds before Beelzebozo sends Sainovic crashing into the nurses station with a still groggy Irish whip. As he pulls him off, Sainovic grabs a phone, wrapping the cord around the champion's neck. Not to be outdone, Beelzebozo snatches a "FEEL BETTER" balloon from a grieving visitor, and wraps the string around Sainovic's neck. Both men roll around the nurses station as they attempt to choke each other out. Eventually they both slide forwards, but Beelzebozo's massive clown shoes get hooked on the desk, which effectively celebrates them.
Running over to some patients with the balloon still wrapped around his neck, Sainovic yanks out a guys urinary catheter and tries to stab Beelzebozo with it. Never to be outdone, the champion rips out TWO urinary catheters and tries to go to town. DUELLING URINARY CATHETERS! In attempting to not get stabbed with a sharp ended tube that was formerly in some guys urethras, the two get as close to chain wrestling as you will EVER SEE. An elaborate technical display of complex counters and dodges just to avoid getting pricked that must have gone 15 minutes. We were in awe. It should be noted that the guys who had the tubes yanked out have a consistent SCREAM OF HORROR the entire time.
Eventually Beelzebozo manages to disarm Sainovic like a MASTER FENCER, and shoots in for the double stab, but Sainovic manages to use a bedpan as a shield. This kicks DUELLING BEDPANS into high gear. The three guys from the catheters are still screaming. Beelzebozo busts out a DROPKICK into a bedpan, only to get his giant shoe caught in it... still manages to dent it against Sainovic's head. As Beelzebozo struggles to get his shoe out, and not to throw up because he has SERIOUS alcohol poisoning, Sainovic pulls out a cigar... and lights it, putting it in Beelzebozo's mouth. Buster Friendly calls him a moron and hulks up... only to get wrestled to the ground by four burly orderlies.
Leaving Beelzebozo to wrestle the four orderlies, Sainovic starts looking through medical supplies loading up a syringe with a lot of sketchy looking drugs.
Buster Friendly takes care of the guards in short order, just as Sainovic stabs him in the leg with the syringe. Beelzebozo dies... the left side of his body going limp, as Sainovic then starts going to town with a scalpel. Its getting so bloody at this point, I start trying to distract Jeremy. From what I can see, Beelzebozo no sells a scalpel shot, throwing his limp arm through the cord of the balloon, and uses the ballon to pull Sainovic into the whisky lullaby. Sainovic continues to stab away with the blade, but a blood drenched Buster ignores them, locking the balloon assisted sleeper in.
The whisky lullaby having done its work, the champion grabs Sainovic by the tuffs of his remaining hair, and tosses him down the medical refuse chute... which I guess makes him the winner?
WINNER and STILL ACW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: "Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly
Rating: ...Jeremy seemed to like it, which is what matters.
At the end of the match, Beelzebozo celebrates with a flask full of whisky, then starts vomiting blood like a sprinkler... because he REALLY needed a stomach pump when he first showed up. Down the hall, a beep comes from Anonymoose's messed up room. So there's that.
If you get a chance to see this match on youtube or dvdr, let me know if you see my son in it, because I DEFINITELY DIDN'T GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO APPEAR IN THIS OFFENSIVELY HORRIBLE SHIT.
The BATTLE OF ST. MARY
St. Mary's Medical Centre
West Palm Beach, Florida
Report by Simon Corkinvale
Last week was my son Jeremy's birthday, and we got him a hoverboard to celebrate it. It took four days before he managed to fracture his arm in four places. We took him to St. Mary's Medical Centre to have the arm reset. While he was recovering, a sleazy lounge lizard (EDITOR'S NOTE: Definitely Lucerio Villaini) asked if we'd like to take in a wrestling show, that was being put on to entertain the younger patients. With his dreams of being a world class hover artist shattered, filling Jeremy's brain with power bombs is just what I need... but I couldn't say no to him.
We were escorted down the hall to a small hospital room. There must have been 40 people shoved into it, even though I doubt they would allow more than two visitors in for a patient. Seated in the bed was a wrestler wearing a giant moose helmet (EDITOR'S NOTE: Anonymoose) who appeared to be in a coma. The capacity crowd lit up with the appearance of ZORAN SAINOVIC! My son is a HUGE fan of The Industrial Man, and even though he never appears at ringside, I-Man's manager gets treated like a hero.
Sainovic reluctantly signs my son's cast, before announcing that he's there to get revenge on Anonymoose.
THE BATTLE OF ST. MARY
GRUDGE MATCH
ANONYMOOSE VS. ZORAN SAINOVIC
Sainovic immediately goes to work holding a pillow over Anonymoose's face. His heart monitor starts to slow.
Everyone seems a little uncomfortable, but fortunately another SWAT (backyard) PLAYER makes the save. For tagging with The Industrial Man, Beelzebozo Buster Friendly is almost as popular as Zoran Sainovic. Almost. Friendly acts like he is visiting his manager in the hospital, but all signs point to him having been admitted for alcohol poisoning and accidentally stumbling across the scene. Fortunately his moral failings go right over my boy's head.
The argument eventually turns into a shoving match, which sounds funny until you realize that Sainovic is still smothering Anonymoose while doing it. I hope the guy doesn't get brain damage. Looking to make the most of a bad situation, the sleazy lounge lizard LUCERIO VILLAINI changes the match.
THE BATTLE OF ST.MARY'S...
EMERGENCY ROOM BRAWL
ACW HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
"Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly <c> vs. Zoran Sainovic
Normally I wouldn't give The Industrial Man's elderly manager a hope in hell against the Atlantic Coast champion, but I think Friendly was only halfway through his stomach pump. Beelzebozo is a shade of green I wouldn't accept from hospital jello, let alone human skin tone. Looking more like the kind of alien that James Kirk would have his way with.
Sainovic lays in most of his shots to Friendly's gut, which ends in the clown belching blood. I have to assume most of the people in the room are plants, because they get absolutely drenched in it. It should be noted that this wild brawl is somewhat hampered by the two men having two square feet of space between them. We are packed like sardines in this tiny room. With Beelzebozo oozing and spraying all sorts of infectious looking liquids, the crowd try to direct the two men away from them. Its a five minute fight for a headlock, with the two stumbling into EVERYONE. I try to put myself between the rasslers and my boy. It looks like the promoter has locked the door, because there are definitely people trying to get out.
Finding a large vase of flowers reading "Get well soon, From Vile" Beelzebozo SMASHES them over Sainovic's head, covering the people by the window in glass and baby's breathe. Pulling out a pink stuffed bunny toy doused in chloroform, Sainovic drives it into the clowns face with a mandible claw. Its such a small space, we're all taking in the fumes. As a sleepy Beelzebozo tries to fight out of the hold, both men fall backwards into the hospital bed. Anonymoose's vital signs flicker across the cardiac monitor as the two men roll around on top of him. Flat on his back, the champion rolls up a used crossword puzzle and starts smacking Sainovic across the head with it. SAINOVIC NO SELLS IT! Grabbing another bouquet of tulips, Beelzebozo swings wild, which hit their mark, only to curse that he already used the ones in the vase. It looks like champion is passing out and that Zoran Sainovic will be the next ACW champion.
Looking out the window to the parking lot a few floors below, I noticed ACW owner Stefan Slain staring up from his car. Despite the thick glass you can actually hear him say...
Stefan Slain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Sparks shoot out of the wall as Beelzebozo yanks out a machine that goes beep, and BREAKS IT over Sainovic's head. Beep. Well almost break- beep- repeatedly hits the older man across the head with the device until he drops the stuffed animal, and the machine stops beeping. Smoke wafting out of the broken equipment sets off the sprinkler system. I throw my coat over Jeremy's cast to keep it from getting wet. The cold water gives the claustrophobic crowd members at the door the adrenaline they need to bust it open. Like so many backyard shows before this, the audience start fleeing.
I get Jeremy out into the hallway, seconds before Beelzebozo sends Sainovic crashing into the nurses station with a still groggy Irish whip. As he pulls him off, Sainovic grabs a phone, wrapping the cord around the champion's neck. Not to be outdone, Beelzebozo snatches a "FEEL BETTER" balloon from a grieving visitor, and wraps the string around Sainovic's neck. Both men roll around the nurses station as they attempt to choke each other out. Eventually they both slide forwards, but Beelzebozo's massive clown shoes get hooked on the desk, which effectively celebrates them.
Running over to some patients with the balloon still wrapped around his neck, Sainovic yanks out a guys urinary catheter and tries to stab Beelzebozo with it. Never to be outdone, the champion rips out TWO urinary catheters and tries to go to town. DUELLING URINARY CATHETERS! In attempting to not get stabbed with a sharp ended tube that was formerly in some guys urethras, the two get as close to chain wrestling as you will EVER SEE. An elaborate technical display of complex counters and dodges just to avoid getting pricked that must have gone 15 minutes. We were in awe. It should be noted that the guys who had the tubes yanked out have a consistent SCREAM OF HORROR the entire time.
Eventually Beelzebozo manages to disarm Sainovic like a MASTER FENCER, and shoots in for the double stab, but Sainovic manages to use a bedpan as a shield. This kicks DUELLING BEDPANS into high gear. The three guys from the catheters are still screaming. Beelzebozo busts out a DROPKICK into a bedpan, only to get his giant shoe caught in it... still manages to dent it against Sainovic's head. As Beelzebozo struggles to get his shoe out, and not to throw up because he has SERIOUS alcohol poisoning, Sainovic pulls out a cigar... and lights it, putting it in Beelzebozo's mouth. Buster Friendly calls him a moron and hulks up... only to get wrestled to the ground by four burly orderlies.
Leaving Beelzebozo to wrestle the four orderlies, Sainovic starts looking through medical supplies loading up a syringe with a lot of sketchy looking drugs.
Buster Friendly takes care of the guards in short order, just as Sainovic stabs him in the leg with the syringe. Beelzebozo dies... the left side of his body going limp, as Sainovic then starts going to town with a scalpel. Its getting so bloody at this point, I start trying to distract Jeremy. From what I can see, Beelzebozo no sells a scalpel shot, throwing his limp arm through the cord of the balloon, and uses the ballon to pull Sainovic into the whisky lullaby. Sainovic continues to stab away with the blade, but a blood drenched Buster ignores them, locking the balloon assisted sleeper in.
The whisky lullaby having done its work, the champion grabs Sainovic by the tuffs of his remaining hair, and tosses him down the medical refuse chute... which I guess makes him the winner?
WINNER and STILL ACW HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: "Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly
Rating: ...Jeremy seemed to like it, which is what matters.
At the end of the match, Beelzebozo celebrates with a flask full of whisky, then starts vomiting blood like a sprinkler... because he REALLY needed a stomach pump when he first showed up. Down the hall, a beep comes from Anonymoose's messed up room. So there's that.
If you get a chance to see this match on youtube or dvdr, let me know if you see my son in it, because I DEFINITELY DIDN'T GIVE THEM PERMISSION TO APPEAR IN THIS OFFENSIVELY HORRIBLE SHIT.