Two Queens, One President
Nov 2, 2020 22:46:32 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, ForeverKuroi, and 1 more like this
Post by Curtis D. Kanyon on Nov 2, 2020 22:46:32 GMT -5
**Podunk town, Pennsylvania. Out-door rally. Mid-Afternoon.**
*Curtis Kanyon walks up to a podium, with a "Kanyon 2020" backdrop behind him. Car horns honk, because Curtis ain't no fool. This is drive-in style.*
: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here! First of all, great news! I have amazing follow up on our national crisis! The murder hornet queen was found! Not just one either, she was training the next in line, a murder hornet princess if you will, to spread their evil stingers across our great country! But I said no! I told our troops to go in and extract those evil jezebels, and they did! We got 'em both!
*It's true! www.cbsnews.com/news/murder-hornet-washington-scientists-capture-asian-giant-hornet-queens-eradication-nest/. The crowd erupts in cheers and horn honks.*
: Now, I wouldn't be here in God knows where, PA, but apparently this is the must win state now? What happened to Florida? Look people, we're a day away. 70% of the votes have been cast! But now it's crunch time, lets get those last people in the door! You know me, you know what I'm about! Give me another four years! I mean, really, are you gonna vote for the orange zombie? How did he even come back from the dead? I'm guessing the TGK Devil? Anyway, that guy can't even schedule a shuttle system to get his mindless followers back home, how's he going to organize a nationwide vaccine distribution? And then the OTHER guy. Talk about snooze-ville. A guy who's been doing this type of job for forty plus years? You really want to go back to normal? You really want someone who knows the ins and outs of this job and what can actually, legally be done? Bah ha ha! We're past that now. Who wants to go back to the 90's?
*Curtis jolly demeanor turns sour.*
: Then there's that other OTHER guy causing a stir. A dude who's wacked out of his mind, and he didn't even get enough votes to be on the ballot. A dude not worthy of my time. Fucking Jeffrey Viper. That neck beard doesn't even deserve a mention. No, he's nothing, he's less than nothing. The only thing Dylan Viper got right was hating Jeffrey's guts. The only thing I have to say to Jeffrey Viper is... I think I saw Captain Winky at 1:51.
*The crowd shudders.*
: Ladies and gentlemen, a vote for Curtis is a vote for controlled chaos. I will keep the murder hornets away! ...And then deal with that little pandemic thing. So lets BANG! 2020! Good night, and Thor bless you all!
*Curtis leaves as the car horns go off in celebration.*
**Fade out.**
*Curtis Kanyon walks up to a podium, with a "Kanyon 2020" backdrop behind him. Car horns honk, because Curtis ain't no fool. This is drive-in style.*
: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being here! First of all, great news! I have amazing follow up on our national crisis! The murder hornet queen was found! Not just one either, she was training the next in line, a murder hornet princess if you will, to spread their evil stingers across our great country! But I said no! I told our troops to go in and extract those evil jezebels, and they did! We got 'em both!*It's true! www.cbsnews.com/news/murder-hornet-washington-scientists-capture-asian-giant-hornet-queens-eradication-nest/. The crowd erupts in cheers and horn honks.*
: Now, I wouldn't be here in God knows where, PA, but apparently this is the must win state now? What happened to Florida? Look people, we're a day away. 70% of the votes have been cast! But now it's crunch time, lets get those last people in the door! You know me, you know what I'm about! Give me another four years! I mean, really, are you gonna vote for the orange zombie? How did he even come back from the dead? I'm guessing the TGK Devil? Anyway, that guy can't even schedule a shuttle system to get his mindless followers back home, how's he going to organize a nationwide vaccine distribution? And then the OTHER guy. Talk about snooze-ville. A guy who's been doing this type of job for forty plus years? You really want to go back to normal? You really want someone who knows the ins and outs of this job and what can actually, legally be done? Bah ha ha! We're past that now. Who wants to go back to the 90's?*Curtis jolly demeanor turns sour.*
: Then there's that other OTHER guy causing a stir. A dude who's wacked out of his mind, and he didn't even get enough votes to be on the ballot. A dude not worthy of my time. Fucking Jeffrey Viper. That neck beard doesn't even deserve a mention. No, he's nothing, he's less than nothing. The only thing Dylan Viper got right was hating Jeffrey's guts. The only thing I have to say to Jeffrey Viper is... I think I saw Captain Winky at 1:51.*The crowd shudders.*
: Ladies and gentlemen, a vote for Curtis is a vote for controlled chaos. I will keep the murder hornets away! ...And then deal with that little pandemic thing. So lets BANG! 2020! Good night, and Thor bless you all!*Curtis leaves as the car horns go off in celebration.*
**Fade out.**
