Mistress Discipline’s Letter to the Editor

[h2f]

Dear HGTV Magazine Editor,

I implore you to reconsider your recent editorial on King of the Castle. The show is not “a hot new take on home improvement” it is “a hot mess” just like the main host, Mr. Valentine Junior. His lengthy wrestling history suggests more of a “has been” than an “up and coming star.” It is very apparent that he struggles with more structured and longer obligation productions. I do not believe he is long for the home improvement world. He is driven by ratings but I fear he is unable to bring you any. The only things he will be bringing to your drawbridge are legal suits for dangerous working conditions. I suggest you cut him while you can before he cuts your reputation and profitability.

Dr. Chaos looks up from her printout to eye Mistress Discipline. “Profitability. Really? I know we are trying to put him in a weak state of mind equal to his body but how is that an insult?”

Mistress Discipline nods in indignation. “They are a company that needs to turn a profit. Hurting their bottom line may inspire them to hurt his bottom line. We both know his motivation for rejoining the wrestling world has less to do with a calling and more to do with the IRS calling.”

Junior thinks the fans will cheer for him in the ring and I worry he has previously sustained a concussion. Those are my fans and it should not be difficult to spot the difference. My fans have taste.

Chaos sighs. “I mean, it’s true that your fans have great taste but the guy should get points for being in the same place as you, right?”

Mistress Discipline scoffs. “I wonder if that is fortuitous-for-him happenstance over an intentional decision. Did you see his Halloween costume?"

Chaos shakes her head. “Like I would look in his direction with all the younger meat on display.”

I acknowledge that I did not win during the recent kindling but neither did I lose. While I would not be one to call Junior a loser, I will not be calling him a winner either. There will be no portable facilities to hamper my success this round and when the fecal materials flys, it will be aimed at Junior.

“Oh, dog. Please don’t say it was so! Oh! My Mistress! My poor Mistress! I didn't realize they turned into monkeys at the fair! Do we need to get you tested for diseases. What exactly happened while I was stuffing my face with fair food?” Chaos looks at Mistress Discipline in horror.

Mistress Discipline sighs. “It is too soon. At least no one is calling biting their signature move so far. I am looking forward to my coming match. I am looking forward to winning said match and looking at the next match.”

“And getting a belt! Think of all the outfits we can get to match it.” Chaos interjects.

Mistress Discipline considers this. “One thing at a time, Chaos, one thing at a time. First, we send HGTV Magazine this letter, then I destroy Junior in the ring. Are there any questions?”