Rock hard? We'll see about that.

[Lio]

This is the first image we see as the camera fades in. The camera pulls back to show more of its surroundings, and we ca see it is in a bowl, on a table that has a red velvet tablecloth draped over it. Standing behind the table is Derrick Lancaster, a serious expression on his face. 

So. My opponent is none other than famed porn star "Rock Hard" Jimmy Vanguard. To you, I offer you as a gift this banana. I'm sure a man with your proclivities will know "exactly" what to do with it. But, let me assure you that this is no ordinary banana. No, this is a special Mongee banana from Japan, which has an edible skin. Apparently the name is pronounced mon-gay though. Regardless, I figured that such a gift would be in order for a man as famous as you. I admit even, as a younger man I indulged in some of your work. Top Notch work I might add. Yes, I am going to have fun figuring out just how rock hard you are. You see, the match you find yourself in is a fans bring the weapons match. How many of your fans are going to be here, and what kind of weapons will they bring I wonder? I have a weapon of my own in mind for use against you I might add. A very unique weapon, that I think applies quite well to you...

Derrick reaches off screen and produces what appears to be a cock ring, but this is no ordinary cock ring this one is lined with spikes on the inside! 





I figure that something like this ought ta keep you from getting "rock hard". And without your ability to become rock hard, you lose all your sexual prowess and power. From there, beating you will be a simple matter. Whether it's locking in the DDOS, or getting in your back door, victory will be assured for me. Then, once I am the XHF lightweight champion, I will show the XHF what Derrick Lancaster is all about. No one will be safe from me. My reign will last a long time. a very long time. You quite simply have no chance Jimmy boy. I will admit that you are tough, and can last all night long. But these things wont matter when I'm bashing your face in with a steel chair. Do you have the endurance to outlast all the punishment I will be dealing to you? Or will you come up short? If I lock in the DDOS, will you tough it out and last the distance? Do you have what It takes? Or is all this sexy talk you do just that? I think in this match we are going to find out, one way or another, just what kind of man you are. 

My name is Derrick Lancaster, and you have been informed. 

The screen cuts to black. But after a few moments, we see the picture come back to life, from a different angle this time. The view would be above and to the side of Derrick Lancaster, who had just turned off a camera situated on a tripod. The man walks away from the camera heaving a deep sigh of resignation. 

These promos I cut are so tiring. My opponents thus far have been boring. Certainly not close to my caliber. I've hardly had to break a sweat. These fleshy beings are no match for my vast intellect and cunning. 

It is at this point that Derrick does a curious thing. He sheds his skin, as if one were taking off a hazmat suit, by splitting the top of his head and pulling the two sides down each other to his feet. This reveals his actual form which looks like this:



He then walks off screen, leaving the piled flesh disguise in a heap on the floor. 

CUT TO BLACK