5 minutes to live
Nov 14, 2020 0:00:34 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Cross Recoba, and 1 more like this
Post by mosler on Nov 14, 2020 0:00:34 GMT -5
Five. Minutes. To. Live.
{{The words are crudely written in white paint against a black backdrop. A moment after the letters come into focus, an elderly cowboy steps into frame.}}
Bill Stokes: Piledriver Pete! The lord might not have given you the common sense required to learn a wristlock, but even if your decision to take up my boy’s challenge suggests you were kicked in the head by a mule, all the Fireside fans thank you for mentally handicap moxy. Sacrificing your life so that they can be entertained by your screaming death throes? It takes a big man to entertain folks that mock his passing, and you partner, you’re a big man. Bones is going to eat well tonight.
{{The camera pulls further out to find Dinosaur Bones attempting to eat one of the lights, only to spit out metal fragments.}}
Bill Stokes: You see the size of that hoss, Bones? You ain’t going hungry tonight.
Dinosaur Bones: The chimp’s name is Piledriver?
Bill Stokes: Nah, the kid goes by Pete. Piledriver is just a nickname he picked up only knowing one move.
Dinosaur Bones: What is a pileriver?
Bill Stokes: You know those Jimmy Vanguard films you like?
Dinosaur Bones: Ah yes... the snuff films. If Pete wishes to do to me what Vanguard does to murder the apes in his films, I have to admire the rotund snack’s ruthless disposition. PILEDRIVIN’ BITCHES 47! I knew I knew that word. I should have brought my bluray for Vanguard to sign.
Bill Stokes: He isn’t killing anyone.
{{Unfamiliar with the human reproductive process, DB believes pornography to be filmed killings. Jimmy Vanguard is the best.}}
Dinosaur Bones: Then they are VERY good SFX. I hope I one day our RRW match comes to light so that I get recognized as the Junior Heavyweight champion. Of course, I’m going to weigh an extra three hundred pounds after eating, Pete.
Bill Stokes: I don’t see how he hopes to get you up in the air.
Dinosaur Bones: Why does he only know one hold?
Bill Stokes: He grew up in the kind of trailer park where they don’t let you go outside. I wouldn’t put too much stock in such a tall tale.
Dinosaur Bones <tearing up, if he had eyes>: I spent seven million years in a tar pit. PETE. I understand forced confinement, and limited opportunities that a single location provides. So don’t let anyone call you stupid, or lazy, or one dimensional, or boring, or lame, or pathetic... those chimps don’t know you. They don’t even watch your matches. How could they?
But even though you will soon reside in my stomach, I don’t want you to feel trapped.
In a few days you can explore the world... through the sewers.
And everyone will see in you, what I already do.
{{Is that a sinister smile, or is that just the skeleton?}}
{{The words are crudely written in white paint against a black backdrop. A moment after the letters come into focus, an elderly cowboy steps into frame.}}
Bill Stokes: Piledriver Pete! The lord might not have given you the common sense required to learn a wristlock, but even if your decision to take up my boy’s challenge suggests you were kicked in the head by a mule, all the Fireside fans thank you for mentally handicap moxy. Sacrificing your life so that they can be entertained by your screaming death throes? It takes a big man to entertain folks that mock his passing, and you partner, you’re a big man. Bones is going to eat well tonight.
{{The camera pulls further out to find Dinosaur Bones attempting to eat one of the lights, only to spit out metal fragments.}}
Bill Stokes: You see the size of that hoss, Bones? You ain’t going hungry tonight.
Dinosaur Bones: The chimp’s name is Piledriver?
Bill Stokes: Nah, the kid goes by Pete. Piledriver is just a nickname he picked up only knowing one move.
Dinosaur Bones: What is a pileriver?
Bill Stokes: You know those Jimmy Vanguard films you like?
Dinosaur Bones: Ah yes... the snuff films. If Pete wishes to do to me what Vanguard does to murder the apes in his films, I have to admire the rotund snack’s ruthless disposition. PILEDRIVIN’ BITCHES 47! I knew I knew that word. I should have brought my bluray for Vanguard to sign.
Bill Stokes: He isn’t killing anyone.
{{Unfamiliar with the human reproductive process, DB believes pornography to be filmed killings. Jimmy Vanguard is the best.}}
Dinosaur Bones: Then they are VERY good SFX. I hope I one day our RRW match comes to light so that I get recognized as the Junior Heavyweight champion. Of course, I’m going to weigh an extra three hundred pounds after eating, Pete.
Bill Stokes: I don’t see how he hopes to get you up in the air.
Dinosaur Bones: Why does he only know one hold?
Bill Stokes: He grew up in the kind of trailer park where they don’t let you go outside. I wouldn’t put too much stock in such a tall tale.
Dinosaur Bones <tearing up, if he had eyes>: I spent seven million years in a tar pit. PETE. I understand forced confinement, and limited opportunities that a single location provides. So don’t let anyone call you stupid, or lazy, or one dimensional, or boring, or lame, or pathetic... those chimps don’t know you. They don’t even watch your matches. How could they?
But even though you will soon reside in my stomach, I don’t want you to feel trapped.
In a few days you can explore the world... through the sewers.
And everyone will see in you, what I already do.
{{Is that a sinister smile, or is that just the skeleton?}}