S2 EP 14 - "The Battle of Saint-Antoine" 6/3/18
Nov 16, 2020 3:35:51 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer likes this
Post by radu on Nov 16, 2020 3:35:51 GMT -5
SWAT BACKYARD
"Battle of Saint-Antoine"
Hospital Saint-Antoine
Paris, France
My son Cecil was invited to a birthday party, only to get involved in a wrestling match. He did not win. With a broken arm, we raced him to the hospital...
After waiting in emergency for two hours, some of the offending wrestlers arrived - I assume to apologize to my son, but NO, apparently the match hadn't ended yet...
EMERGENCY ROOM BRAWL
SWAT U-10 CHAMPIONSHIP
Spike Nelson <c> vs. Cecil
My child didn't stand a chance.
Winner: Spike Nelson
Rating: -*****
Post-Match: A few more of the wrestlers are brought in from the show on gurneys. Nelson stops to tease his mortal enemy, Zoran Sainovic who looks like he needs serious stitches to his forehead. The former Anonymoose's roast of the older serb is bitting enough that I almost forget that he recently assaulted my kid.
Before I can slug Nelson, Vile "Vince" Viper steps between the two of us to talk me down... what release forms!? He tries to lie his way out of a lawsuit, but I will have justice! Before I can strangle the old albino, he gets blindsided by another angry father.
EMERGENCY ROOM BRAWL
"La Hire" Jean Pierre Celine vs. Better Than Sex w/Vile "Vince" Viper & Spike Nelson
Everyone in the ER waiting room popped hard for JPC, with one guy raising his arms in the air only for his intestines to spill out onto the floor. VVV immediately tries to flee, only to have Celine toss a syringe which catches him in the ankle. Ducking under a shining wizard which hits an elderly woman in a wheelchair instead, Celine throws Spike into the security booth... then drags him out and European uppercuts into the nurses' station. Having retrieved the syringe from his ankle, Viper tries to insert it into Celine's eye only to have the Frenchman block it, and nail him over the head with a bedpan! Where did that even come from? Bedpan shots galore! Viper gets a few shots in with some crutches he steals from a patient, but its a pretty one sided ass kicking form La Hire. Eventually, Spike Nelson jumps into a running ambulance, The U-10 Champion yelling at his grandfather to escape.... TripleV makes a break for it, but with his wounded ankle its easy for JPC to keep up... both men diving into the ambulance for...
AMBULANCE DEATH MATCH
"La Hire" Jean Pierre Celine vs. Vile "Vince" Viper
Like the King of the Road, both men are struggling to throw each other off the back of a moving ambulance! ...I'm still in the waiting room so the moment the ambulance gets out of the parking lot, I cannot follow it. I imagine it would have been an amazing match.
Winner: N/A
Rating: DUD
I start to complain to the nurses about how long its taking for us to be seen when another match breaks out...
Heavyweight champion "Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly is carted in looking like death from his recentest "Happy Hour" Ironman match... so drunk he desperately needs a gastric suction to survive. As paramedics race to administer a tube, Zoran Sainovic takes it upon himself to get revenge for his previous title challenge.
ACW Heavyweight Title
STOMACH PUMP DEATH MATCH
"Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly <c> vs. Zoran Sainovic
Buster can barely move, but between throwing up seems to understand that he needs to shove that tube down his throat to live. Sainovic takes advantage of his barely conscious opponent, slashing away with a scalpel. Buster throws up on his shoes. This does not deter Sainovic from stabbing away in a manner that reminds one of the game operation. Buster's body reacts on instincts it shouldn't have, tying Sainovic up with some clownshoe headscissors to minimize the stabbing damage. With the mad scientist only able to hack away at his legs, Busters starts to administer his own tube for the stomach pump. The nurses refuse to go anywhere near the razor-sharp scalpel that Sainovic is flailing around, so Buster starts to administer his own saline drip. Changing tactics, Zoran cuts the laces from one of the clown shoes, removing it to escape the headscissors. Reaching out, Sainovic yanks the tube out of Beelzebozo's throat. Buster starts to cough up blood from his scratched throat on top of vomit from his severe alcohol poisoning. There is an extended chain wrestling sequence with the near comatose Friendly and blood-drenched Sainovic inserting and removing the tube - eventually Friendly drives it into Sainovic's gashed forehead and turns the vacuum on, splitting the older wrestler's forehead in two!!! People fainted. Turning it off, Beelzebozo wraps the tube around Sainovic's neck to choke him out, then shoves the bloody tube down his own throat, turning on the vacuum for what we can only conclude was a successful title defense!
Winner: Beelzebozo
Rating: **
Post-Match: I look out into the parking lot where the ambulance has returned, just as Jean Pierre Celine yakuza kicks Viper off the moving vehicle. Driver Spike Nelson comes to a stop, assuming the coast is clear, only to shit himself when he discovers Celine waiting for him. Jumping back behind the wheel, Spike speeds off, blissfully unaware that La Hire is waiting for him in the back of his ride.
Final thoughts - How are these people allowed to continue?
"Battle of Saint-Antoine"
Hospital Saint-Antoine
Paris, France
My son Cecil was invited to a birthday party, only to get involved in a wrestling match. He did not win. With a broken arm, we raced him to the hospital...
After waiting in emergency for two hours, some of the offending wrestlers arrived - I assume to apologize to my son, but NO, apparently the match hadn't ended yet...
EMERGENCY ROOM BRAWL
SWAT U-10 CHAMPIONSHIP
Spike Nelson <c> vs. Cecil
My child didn't stand a chance.
Winner: Spike Nelson
Rating: -*****
Post-Match: A few more of the wrestlers are brought in from the show on gurneys. Nelson stops to tease his mortal enemy, Zoran Sainovic who looks like he needs serious stitches to his forehead. The former Anonymoose's roast of the older serb is bitting enough that I almost forget that he recently assaulted my kid.
Before I can slug Nelson, Vile "Vince" Viper steps between the two of us to talk me down... what release forms!? He tries to lie his way out of a lawsuit, but I will have justice! Before I can strangle the old albino, he gets blindsided by another angry father.
EMERGENCY ROOM BRAWL
"La Hire" Jean Pierre Celine vs. Better Than Sex w/Vile "Vince" Viper & Spike Nelson
Everyone in the ER waiting room popped hard for JPC, with one guy raising his arms in the air only for his intestines to spill out onto the floor. VVV immediately tries to flee, only to have Celine toss a syringe which catches him in the ankle. Ducking under a shining wizard which hits an elderly woman in a wheelchair instead, Celine throws Spike into the security booth... then drags him out and European uppercuts into the nurses' station. Having retrieved the syringe from his ankle, Viper tries to insert it into Celine's eye only to have the Frenchman block it, and nail him over the head with a bedpan! Where did that even come from? Bedpan shots galore! Viper gets a few shots in with some crutches he steals from a patient, but its a pretty one sided ass kicking form La Hire. Eventually, Spike Nelson jumps into a running ambulance, The U-10 Champion yelling at his grandfather to escape.... TripleV makes a break for it, but with his wounded ankle its easy for JPC to keep up... both men diving into the ambulance for...
AMBULANCE DEATH MATCH
"La Hire" Jean Pierre Celine vs. Vile "Vince" Viper
Like the King of the Road, both men are struggling to throw each other off the back of a moving ambulance! ...I'm still in the waiting room so the moment the ambulance gets out of the parking lot, I cannot follow it. I imagine it would have been an amazing match.
Winner: N/A
Rating: DUD
I start to complain to the nurses about how long its taking for us to be seen when another match breaks out...
Heavyweight champion "Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly is carted in looking like death from his recentest "Happy Hour" Ironman match... so drunk he desperately needs a gastric suction to survive. As paramedics race to administer a tube, Zoran Sainovic takes it upon himself to get revenge for his previous title challenge.
ACW Heavyweight Title
STOMACH PUMP DEATH MATCH
"Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly <c> vs. Zoran Sainovic
Buster can barely move, but between throwing up seems to understand that he needs to shove that tube down his throat to live. Sainovic takes advantage of his barely conscious opponent, slashing away with a scalpel. Buster throws up on his shoes. This does not deter Sainovic from stabbing away in a manner that reminds one of the game operation. Buster's body reacts on instincts it shouldn't have, tying Sainovic up with some clownshoe headscissors to minimize the stabbing damage. With the mad scientist only able to hack away at his legs, Busters starts to administer his own tube for the stomach pump. The nurses refuse to go anywhere near the razor-sharp scalpel that Sainovic is flailing around, so Buster starts to administer his own saline drip. Changing tactics, Zoran cuts the laces from one of the clown shoes, removing it to escape the headscissors. Reaching out, Sainovic yanks the tube out of Beelzebozo's throat. Buster starts to cough up blood from his scratched throat on top of vomit from his severe alcohol poisoning. There is an extended chain wrestling sequence with the near comatose Friendly and blood-drenched Sainovic inserting and removing the tube - eventually Friendly drives it into Sainovic's gashed forehead and turns the vacuum on, splitting the older wrestler's forehead in two!!! People fainted. Turning it off, Beelzebozo wraps the tube around Sainovic's neck to choke him out, then shoves the bloody tube down his own throat, turning on the vacuum for what we can only conclude was a successful title defense!
Winner: Beelzebozo
Rating: **
Post-Match: I look out into the parking lot where the ambulance has returned, just as Jean Pierre Celine yakuza kicks Viper off the moving vehicle. Driver Spike Nelson comes to a stop, assuming the coast is clear, only to shit himself when he discovers Celine waiting for him. Jumping back behind the wheel, Spike speeds off, blissfully unaware that La Hire is waiting for him in the back of his ride.
Final thoughts - How are these people allowed to continue?