Post by radu on Nov 16, 2020 16:21:36 GMT -5
SWAT Backyard's Relapse Revolution
Report by Aku Jarvi
Hello, this is my first Syndicate Wrestling and Tradition show - which was held at the Hartwall Arena.
The show begins with Trons displaying a live stream of the Cereneo in Vitznau, a posh clinic in Switzerland. After months of hour-long iron man drinking matches, "Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly's liver has taken a vacation. The lightweight. The live feed shows Buster waking up after the Four Corners of Vomit in the resort hospital, surrounded by the doctors that have saved his life and the Industrial Man who paid them too. Before Buster can thank Balan for his generosity, which he never does, Attila drops a bombshell. This is an intervention. All of Buster's friends are concerned about his drinking problem, so Balan got them all together to tell him how much he's hurting them. Unfortunately, outside of Balan, Buster doesn't have any friends - so the Mechanical Man who is a friend to all but hates nature had to improvise - and brought in a bunch of Backyard workers. Dinosaur Bones, LEFT Tentacle, Feral Boy, Herbacide, Hardcore Hero, FlatEarth Warrior, and a few of the members of the Menagerie that Buster never learned the names of, all take turns telling him how his rampant alcoholism has negatively affected their lives. Buster takes this about as well as you can expect, and even though he can barely move somehow violently attacks Dinosaur Bones.
ACW Heavyweight Title
INTERVENTION DEATH MATCH
Beelzebozo <c> vs. Everyone who cares about him & Strangers
Delirious from dehydration and the best medicine that money can buy, Beelzebozo spends most of his time stabbing doctors, while Balan takes care of the talent. Patients that actually want to get better relapse like crazy, as the resort is set on fire. In the ensuing chaos, LEFT Tentacle accidentally pins Beelzebozo for the three count, while he attempts to strangle Dinosaur Bones to death.
Winner and NEW Champion: LEFT Tentacle
Rating: ****1/2
Post-Match: Orderlies, patients, local law enforcement chase after the Industrial Man, who escapes with his obscenely ill bestie, while the workers chase after LEFT Tentacle who feels terrified he picked up the win.
The tron feed ends as VVV comes out to announce he's going to challenge for the International title this evening. The fucker knows that Balan is in Switzerland and can't possibly make it to Finland in time to successfully defend. What a dick.
International Title Match
"The Industrial Man" Attila Balan <c> vs. Vile "Vince" Viper
...The crowd pelt Triple V with garbage, watching him STEALING a belt that he didn't earn. Where the fuck does this guy get off, just expecting to be handed a strap? Fortunately, before he can get this abortion underway, Jean Pierre Celine tackles him from behind. The two have a wild brawl through the audience, once again teasing a showdown but going nowhere near the ring. Eventually, VVV jumps into his dodge viper and spins off.
This leaves Lucerio Villaini in the back wondering if they're still planning to screw Balan over. He comes across Zoran Sainovic who is in the middle of ranting about Balan coddling the clown back in Switzerland, and the next obvious sketchy contender emerges.
Lumberjack Match
ROXY vs. Victoria Bitter Boy
*If Roxy wins then Victoria has to give up beer, if Victoria wins then Roxy has to cage dance at the next FRAT party
Victoria Bitter Boy must weigh 20 pounds less than Roxy, and he's not half the wrestler she is. There is no way this is a fair fight, except for the fact that all the lumberjacks are from the Fraternity... and Daniel Collins. Collins doesn't look happy about being booked in this manner, and if I was a betting man, I'd say his backyard days are soon going to be over. The match starts and Roxy manhandles Bitter Boy who has the most effiminent scream. It doesn't take long before SuperFlyBoy throws white powder in Roxy's face to let Victoria get some token offense in. This is all it takes for Collins to spring into action, as he takes FlyBoy down with a jumping elbow. The rest of the lumberjacks run to Flyboy's defense... now Collins is good, and he puts up a fairly convincing job of taking on eight men by himself... but there are ten of them, and it isn't long before they're giving him a prison style beating with chairs. With the lumberjacks distracted, Roxy once again starts taking Bitter Boy a part. Running bitch slap gets a 2 count. Rolling splits gets 2.5. On the outside, a livid Collins kicks off JOLT Cola Lad, putting a little distance between himself and the mob. It sounds like "Fuck this shit." Teen Old Man Jenkins slips Bitter Boy some brass knuxs in the confusion, and one cheap shot later, we have an upset.
Winner: Victoria Bitter Boy
Rating: **
Post-Match: With the news that Roxy will be performing at the next Frat Party, the boys cheer their heads off, while from the apron, Daniel Collins - a man who has spent the past year making Roxy's boyfriend's life a living hell - looks disappointed, guilty and angry at the decision. He also looks like he took a massive beating. Officials check on Roxy, while the Frat Boys exit into the audience drinking.
U-10 Championship Match
Spike Nelson <c> vs. ...some child
After the champ enters, Zoran Sainvoic comes out and says that Spike seems to be on a roll beating the crap out of people under 10. But Sainovic has found the ULTIMATE WEAPON against this youth champion. Former Ultimate Champion, "RSO" Frank Wilkes makes his SWAT B return... and you've never heard a bigger pop! The match was a TOTAL ripoff of Ultimate Warrior vs Honky Tonk Man, as Wilkes shaked the ropes violently - possibly having a seizure in shock at how over he is, before putting Spike away with a bodyslam. The roof exploded!
Winner and NEW U-10 champion: "RSO" Frank Wilkes
Rating: -********************
Post-Match: Spike says that Frank is ancient, and it shouldn't count, and they cheated, and he's totally telling his grandfather on them. The crowd are ecstatic for Wilkes, throwing the man roses... just generally happy that Spike's reign of child abuse terror has come to an end. ...Then they realize Frank Wilkes is the new U-10 champ and a hush falls over them.
"New York Ninja" Nick Carlin & BRUNO vs. Spud Boy & Bad Boy Briggs
Typical daredevil highflyer and MASSIVE big man taking on bloated cowardly heels, with a lot of domination. Eventually, HEATHERS with El Hijo Del Aztec Dracula come out of the back, Bruno getting distracted by the son of the man he murdered. The New York Ninja is then left to take the two frat boys double team efforts. After getting brutalized with double teams for a good ten minutes, Carlin uses his superior speed to come back strong, taking out Spud Boy with a tornado DDT off the apron to the outside, before eventually putting Bad Boy down with a Rocke-Feller Lock.
Winners: "New York Ninja" Nick Carlin
Rating: **
Post-Match: The lights go out, and when they emerge, Carlin is confronted by The Original FireRed Ninja. The two stare each other down, while the crowd greatly anticipate the shadow war these two are building towards.
International Title Match
"Industrial Man" Attila Balan <c> vs. Zoran Sainovic
Sainovic comes down to the ring, at which point Balan is given a ten count to successfully defend his title or forfeit. Sainovic gets the ten count and starts to celebrate as the new champion, when...
Daniel Collins comes out of the back, says he was damn proud of being the International champion, and defended it in a lot of wars to give it prestige. He is disgusted that Viper is trying to sully the belt in this manner, and isn't going to let it stand. If Sainovic thinks he's got what it takes, then he needs to proove it.
International Title Match
Zoran Sainovic <c> vs. Daniel Collins
Before the match can start, Sainovic catches Collins with his sickle right to the gut. The referee yanks away the weapon, but the damage is done, with the former champion gushing blood. Collins tries to brush it off, pouring on elbows to keep the older man at bay, but he slows down as Sainovic knees him in the stomach. A knee lift sends Collins back into the corner, where Sainovic locks on an abdominal stretch in the ropes, further pulling the skin around his midsection back. The referee eventually forces the break, at which point Sainovic pulls Collins over with a waistlock - making an effort to dig his fingers into the wound - before transitioning into an anklehold, again using the ropes. Frustrated, Collins knocks Sainovic off with a thrust kick to the head. Sainovic charges in, only to be taken down with a droptoe hold. Both men back up, and Sainovic again charges, only to eat a flipping neckbreaker. Collins lifts him up for a suplex, only to grab his midsection in pain, having further injured it. The canvas is covered in blood. Sainovic nails a gutwrench suplex for the 2 count. A second gutwrench suplex gets 2.5. A third gutwrench is enough to put Collins away, but Spike Nelson arrives at ringside and distracts the referee. Sainovic is distracted by Nelson long enough to almost fall prisoner to the Dark Times, but dodges it with a well placed hard right to the kidney. Sainovic starts to go for his patented rolling guillotine choke, but its reverse with an ace breaker. Cradling his stomach with one arm, Collins fires off an enziguri. This sets the mad scientist up in the corner for a running elbow. Tornado DDT gets a 2 count. Collins starts to go for a leg breaker, but Sainovic buries a thumb in his gut. Sainovic locks on his guillotine choke, only for Collins to pin his shoulders down to the canvas for 2.9. Sainovic lets go and locks on a stomach claw. Fighting through the pain, Collins reigns down headbutts with his metal mask, breaking the hold. Sainovic tries to go for the gory submission hold again, but Collins ties up his arms, underhooking them for the Dark Times. Spinout Driver sees Collins splash his own blood around the canvas like a sprinkler, but it puts Sainovic down for the 3 count.
Winner and NEW International Champion: "Dark Phoenix" Daniel Collins
Rating: ***1/2
Post-Match: Sainovic complains to the referee about a fast count while The Samoan HIT Parade come down to celebrate with their boy. At ringside, Spike Nelson seems extremely happy to have returned the title loss favour to "the new legend."
Main Event
2 out of 3 falls
The Holy Weapons vs. The Samoan HIT Parade
Spirited tag war that saw the much larger Samoans bumping like crazy for the hard-hitting Weapons. The first fall was picked up when TESTAMENT nailed BEEF with his divine palm for the 3 count. The second fall saw all four men out on the floor after a series of topa con hilos to the outside, but the legal man, DJ TOOKI was able to slide back into the ring before the 10 count. For the third fall, TOOKI was able to catch TESTAMENT with a WAS UP~!
Winners: The Samoan HIT Parade
Rating: ***
Post-Match: The Samoans manage to talk the Weapons into dancing with him. Everyone goes home happy.
The Balan screw job left a sour taste in all our mouths, but that aside, this was a surprisingly fun show.
Report by Aku Jarvi
Hello, this is my first Syndicate Wrestling and Tradition show - which was held at the Hartwall Arena.
The show begins with Trons displaying a live stream of the Cereneo in Vitznau, a posh clinic in Switzerland. After months of hour-long iron man drinking matches, "Beelzebozo" Buster Friendly's liver has taken a vacation. The lightweight. The live feed shows Buster waking up after the Four Corners of Vomit in the resort hospital, surrounded by the doctors that have saved his life and the Industrial Man who paid them too. Before Buster can thank Balan for his generosity, which he never does, Attila drops a bombshell. This is an intervention. All of Buster's friends are concerned about his drinking problem, so Balan got them all together to tell him how much he's hurting them. Unfortunately, outside of Balan, Buster doesn't have any friends - so the Mechanical Man who is a friend to all but hates nature had to improvise - and brought in a bunch of Backyard workers. Dinosaur Bones, LEFT Tentacle, Feral Boy, Herbacide, Hardcore Hero, FlatEarth Warrior, and a few of the members of the Menagerie that Buster never learned the names of, all take turns telling him how his rampant alcoholism has negatively affected their lives. Buster takes this about as well as you can expect, and even though he can barely move somehow violently attacks Dinosaur Bones.
ACW Heavyweight Title
INTERVENTION DEATH MATCH
Beelzebozo <c> vs. Everyone who cares about him & Strangers
Delirious from dehydration and the best medicine that money can buy, Beelzebozo spends most of his time stabbing doctors, while Balan takes care of the talent. Patients that actually want to get better relapse like crazy, as the resort is set on fire. In the ensuing chaos, LEFT Tentacle accidentally pins Beelzebozo for the three count, while he attempts to strangle Dinosaur Bones to death.
Winner and NEW Champion: LEFT Tentacle
Rating: ****1/2
Post-Match: Orderlies, patients, local law enforcement chase after the Industrial Man, who escapes with his obscenely ill bestie, while the workers chase after LEFT Tentacle who feels terrified he picked up the win.
The tron feed ends as VVV comes out to announce he's going to challenge for the International title this evening. The fucker knows that Balan is in Switzerland and can't possibly make it to Finland in time to successfully defend. What a dick.
International Title Match
"The Industrial Man" Attila Balan <c> vs. Vile "Vince" Viper
...The crowd pelt Triple V with garbage, watching him STEALING a belt that he didn't earn. Where the fuck does this guy get off, just expecting to be handed a strap? Fortunately, before he can get this abortion underway, Jean Pierre Celine tackles him from behind. The two have a wild brawl through the audience, once again teasing a showdown but going nowhere near the ring. Eventually, VVV jumps into his dodge viper and spins off.
This leaves Lucerio Villaini in the back wondering if they're still planning to screw Balan over. He comes across Zoran Sainovic who is in the middle of ranting about Balan coddling the clown back in Switzerland, and the next obvious sketchy contender emerges.
Lumberjack Match
ROXY vs. Victoria Bitter Boy
*If Roxy wins then Victoria has to give up beer, if Victoria wins then Roxy has to cage dance at the next FRAT party
Victoria Bitter Boy must weigh 20 pounds less than Roxy, and he's not half the wrestler she is. There is no way this is a fair fight, except for the fact that all the lumberjacks are from the Fraternity... and Daniel Collins. Collins doesn't look happy about being booked in this manner, and if I was a betting man, I'd say his backyard days are soon going to be over. The match starts and Roxy manhandles Bitter Boy who has the most effiminent scream. It doesn't take long before SuperFlyBoy throws white powder in Roxy's face to let Victoria get some token offense in. This is all it takes for Collins to spring into action, as he takes FlyBoy down with a jumping elbow. The rest of the lumberjacks run to Flyboy's defense... now Collins is good, and he puts up a fairly convincing job of taking on eight men by himself... but there are ten of them, and it isn't long before they're giving him a prison style beating with chairs. With the lumberjacks distracted, Roxy once again starts taking Bitter Boy a part. Running bitch slap gets a 2 count. Rolling splits gets 2.5. On the outside, a livid Collins kicks off JOLT Cola Lad, putting a little distance between himself and the mob. It sounds like "Fuck this shit." Teen Old Man Jenkins slips Bitter Boy some brass knuxs in the confusion, and one cheap shot later, we have an upset.
Winner: Victoria Bitter Boy
Rating: **
Post-Match: With the news that Roxy will be performing at the next Frat Party, the boys cheer their heads off, while from the apron, Daniel Collins - a man who has spent the past year making Roxy's boyfriend's life a living hell - looks disappointed, guilty and angry at the decision. He also looks like he took a massive beating. Officials check on Roxy, while the Frat Boys exit into the audience drinking.
U-10 Championship Match
Spike Nelson <c> vs. ...some child
After the champ enters, Zoran Sainvoic comes out and says that Spike seems to be on a roll beating the crap out of people under 10. But Sainovic has found the ULTIMATE WEAPON against this youth champion. Former Ultimate Champion, "RSO" Frank Wilkes makes his SWAT B return... and you've never heard a bigger pop! The match was a TOTAL ripoff of Ultimate Warrior vs Honky Tonk Man, as Wilkes shaked the ropes violently - possibly having a seizure in shock at how over he is, before putting Spike away with a bodyslam. The roof exploded!
Winner and NEW U-10 champion: "RSO" Frank Wilkes
Rating: -********************
Post-Match: Spike says that Frank is ancient, and it shouldn't count, and they cheated, and he's totally telling his grandfather on them. The crowd are ecstatic for Wilkes, throwing the man roses... just generally happy that Spike's reign of child abuse terror has come to an end. ...Then they realize Frank Wilkes is the new U-10 champ and a hush falls over them.
"New York Ninja" Nick Carlin & BRUNO vs. Spud Boy & Bad Boy Briggs
Typical daredevil highflyer and MASSIVE big man taking on bloated cowardly heels, with a lot of domination. Eventually, HEATHERS with El Hijo Del Aztec Dracula come out of the back, Bruno getting distracted by the son of the man he murdered. The New York Ninja is then left to take the two frat boys double team efforts. After getting brutalized with double teams for a good ten minutes, Carlin uses his superior speed to come back strong, taking out Spud Boy with a tornado DDT off the apron to the outside, before eventually putting Bad Boy down with a Rocke-Feller Lock.
Winners: "New York Ninja" Nick Carlin
Rating: **
Post-Match: The lights go out, and when they emerge, Carlin is confronted by The Original FireRed Ninja. The two stare each other down, while the crowd greatly anticipate the shadow war these two are building towards.
International Title Match
"Industrial Man" Attila Balan <c> vs. Zoran Sainovic
Sainovic comes down to the ring, at which point Balan is given a ten count to successfully defend his title or forfeit. Sainovic gets the ten count and starts to celebrate as the new champion, when...
Daniel Collins comes out of the back, says he was damn proud of being the International champion, and defended it in a lot of wars to give it prestige. He is disgusted that Viper is trying to sully the belt in this manner, and isn't going to let it stand. If Sainovic thinks he's got what it takes, then he needs to proove it.
International Title Match
Zoran Sainovic <c> vs. Daniel Collins
Before the match can start, Sainovic catches Collins with his sickle right to the gut. The referee yanks away the weapon, but the damage is done, with the former champion gushing blood. Collins tries to brush it off, pouring on elbows to keep the older man at bay, but he slows down as Sainovic knees him in the stomach. A knee lift sends Collins back into the corner, where Sainovic locks on an abdominal stretch in the ropes, further pulling the skin around his midsection back. The referee eventually forces the break, at which point Sainovic pulls Collins over with a waistlock - making an effort to dig his fingers into the wound - before transitioning into an anklehold, again using the ropes. Frustrated, Collins knocks Sainovic off with a thrust kick to the head. Sainovic charges in, only to be taken down with a droptoe hold. Both men back up, and Sainovic again charges, only to eat a flipping neckbreaker. Collins lifts him up for a suplex, only to grab his midsection in pain, having further injured it. The canvas is covered in blood. Sainovic nails a gutwrench suplex for the 2 count. A second gutwrench suplex gets 2.5. A third gutwrench is enough to put Collins away, but Spike Nelson arrives at ringside and distracts the referee. Sainovic is distracted by Nelson long enough to almost fall prisoner to the Dark Times, but dodges it with a well placed hard right to the kidney. Sainovic starts to go for his patented rolling guillotine choke, but its reverse with an ace breaker. Cradling his stomach with one arm, Collins fires off an enziguri. This sets the mad scientist up in the corner for a running elbow. Tornado DDT gets a 2 count. Collins starts to go for a leg breaker, but Sainovic buries a thumb in his gut. Sainovic locks on his guillotine choke, only for Collins to pin his shoulders down to the canvas for 2.9. Sainovic lets go and locks on a stomach claw. Fighting through the pain, Collins reigns down headbutts with his metal mask, breaking the hold. Sainovic tries to go for the gory submission hold again, but Collins ties up his arms, underhooking them for the Dark Times. Spinout Driver sees Collins splash his own blood around the canvas like a sprinkler, but it puts Sainovic down for the 3 count.
Winner and NEW International Champion: "Dark Phoenix" Daniel Collins
Rating: ***1/2
Post-Match: Sainovic complains to the referee about a fast count while The Samoan HIT Parade come down to celebrate with their boy. At ringside, Spike Nelson seems extremely happy to have returned the title loss favour to "the new legend."
Main Event
2 out of 3 falls
The Holy Weapons vs. The Samoan HIT Parade
Spirited tag war that saw the much larger Samoans bumping like crazy for the hard-hitting Weapons. The first fall was picked up when TESTAMENT nailed BEEF with his divine palm for the 3 count. The second fall saw all four men out on the floor after a series of topa con hilos to the outside, but the legal man, DJ TOOKI was able to slide back into the ring before the 10 count. For the third fall, TOOKI was able to catch TESTAMENT with a WAS UP~!
Winners: The Samoan HIT Parade
Rating: ***
Post-Match: The Samoans manage to talk the Weapons into dancing with him. Everyone goes home happy.
The Balan screw job left a sour taste in all our mouths, but that aside, this was a surprisingly fun show.