Blaze of Glory [PPV]
Nov 19, 2020 21:43:45 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 8 more like this
Post by anthonycaffrey on Nov 19, 2020 21:43:45 GMT -5
Washington: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to our first pay per view event, WELCOME TO BLAZE OF GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!
The Philadelphia fans are hot and ready to go!
Washington: Ladies and gentlemen, and now to light the fire, competing for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship tonight, here is DERRICK LANCASTER!
The man known as Derrick Lancaster makes his way out to the ceremonial bowl to a crowd that isn't quite sure what to make of this man. Derrick. On one hand, he certainly has proven himself thus far. On the other hand, one only needs to see his last promo. Was it real? A deep fake? Something else entirely? Derrick himself is dressed to impress, wearing of all things, a suit! A sleek black suit with matching tie, and a slick-looking pair of sunglasses. One can notice something though, on the tie itself would be a tie clip sporting the classic anarchy symbol in its center. The other thing would be a small Guy Fawkes mask pin on the suit's left lapel.
Lancaster: Greetings Fireside faithful! I Bid you all welcome to our first pay per view event Blaze of Glory! I understand times are weird and tough now, so it is our hope that we can provide some ample entertainment for you to keep your minds off current events, at least for a little while.
Lancaster: It is my honor and privilege to light the flame for this prestigious show. As this flame burns throughout the night, so too will the passion of everyone involved in tonights proceedings burn as they work to put on the best damn event for you all to bear witness to!
Lancaster: As for myself? Heh...you all will see soon enough.
With that, Derrick takes the bowl and pours a small measure of the liquid into his mouth. Replacing the bowl. he picks up a small torch which had already been lit. Holding the torch over the bowl he spits the liquid onto the flames, sending a fireball into the bowl lighting it!
Wright: Welcome to Blaze of Glory, ladies and gentlemen! I'm Oliver Wright, alongside color commentator UnJoo Park as always! What a show we have tonight!
Park: Three title matches including the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship, the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships, and the FIRESIDE World Championships!
Wright: No time to waste tonight, let's get right into the action!
Washington: The following contest is a Five Minute Challenge, with the winner being added to the Number One Contenders’ Match for the FIRESIDE World Championship at New Year’s Nightmare! Stay in the ring with Dinosaur Bones for five minutes or defeat him via pinfall or submission to win the match! Introducing first, from La Brea Tar Pits, Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 320 pounds, he is "The Dread Lord" DINOSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUR BONESSSS!
Light piano music sets a sophisticated tone as a single classy spotlight moves up to the entrance curtains. All attention turns to the stage-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The camera pans away from the entrance, following the blood curling screams into the crowd. A section of the audience has started to panic, fleeing from the source of the disturbance. Anyone who doesn't backpedal fast enough is knocked through the air as that prehistoric menace rampages through the audience towards the ring. There has to be a precedent for this vicious fan treatment. Japan. The George Clinton cover of "Walk the Dinosaur" pumps over the PA system, to add an extra level of warning for those damned souls with seats between The Dread Lord and the ring.
Wright: He doesn’t get any less terrifying, does he?
Park: Absolutely not, Oliver!
Washington: Featuring the following challenger, weighing in at FOUR HUNDRED pounds, he is PILEDRIIIIIIIVERRRRRRRRR PETEEEEE!
“Piledriver Waltz” by the Arctic Monkeys plays in the arena as Piledriver Pete walks down the ring with the fans reacting to him. His music is blaring and his gear glaring. Pete makes his way into the ring. Powerbomb Paul, his POWERDRIVER partner, is walking down to the ring behind him, and sets up shop to manage his tag team partner. Both men are clearly still feeling the effects of their beatdown from the Nihilists.
Wright: A new week of the Five Minute Challenge, with the added ruling that whoever wins this match will be added to our next number one contender’s match for the world championship!
Park: Big stakes for our resident Dinosaur and our piledriver expert.
Wright: And speaking of big, how about Pete? He might be the first time Dinosaur Bones as ever been out-weighed in a match!
Park: The challenge is definitely ahead of Bones tonight, and with Powerbomb Paul to serve as added help, I’m expecting a slugfest. They had to reinforce the ring for this one for a reason.
The bell rings and Dinosaur Bones lets out a roar that shakes the ring, unnerving Piledriver Pete. Not a striker by any means, Pete attempts to grab the 320 pounder but is unable to quite get a grasp on him. A brutal headbutt takes Pete down to the mat as Dinosaur Bones looks up at the timer.
Wright: A little over thirty seconds in and a brutal headbutt knocks Pete down!
Park: I was thinking the big man would do a better job of staying up right!
Even with limited mobility, Dinosaur Bones off the ropes before coming back and dropping a giant leg over Pete. He covers.
...ONE...
It’s not enough -- and Dinosaur Bones responds immediately by biting his opponent! Red streamers shoot out of Bones’ mouth as Pete grabs his arm in pain, rolling around on the mat.
Wright: What a painful bite!
Park: You don’t want to be on the receiving end of that!
Powerbomb Paul complains to the referee about the bite but the dinosaur has gotten away with using his body as a weapon. He prepares to do it once more, this time using his tail, but as he goes to swing the tail, Pete catches it from the ground! The big man rises back to his feet, pulling Bones in and using the momentum to crash down on top of him with the Piledriver Deluxe! The crowd cheers!
Wright: Whoah! A big move from Pete there! All 400 pounds come crashing down!
Park: He could be on the verge of not only surviving, but winning this match!
Wright: What a way to punch your dance card to New Year’s Nightmare! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Dinosaur Bones gets a tail on the ropes!
Wright: Less than a minute and a half remaining! Pete could do this with one more big move!
Park: The crowd’s behind him!
Piledriver Pete grabs Bones, bringing him back to his feet… and then lifting HIM INTO THE AIR WITH A VERTICAL SUPLEX!
Wright: HOLY SHIT--
Park: COULD WE BE SEEING THE TRIPLE DRIVER DELUXE?
...BUT DINOSAUR BONES CRASHES DOWN ON TOP OF HIM IN A CROSSBODY!
Wright: No! Meteor Crash! Meteor Crash!
Park: Ah, it was short-lived! Clean-up on aisle five! He might have just squashed him like a bug!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Washington: Here is your winner, and being added to the Number One Contenders’ Match for the FIRESIDE World Championship at New Year’s Nightmare, DINOOOSAAAAAAAAAAAUR BOOOOOOOOOOOOONESSSS!
Wright: Under thirty seconds away, but so close, yet so far for Piledriver Pete.
Park: Almost had him! But the Dread Lord gets the job done.
Wright: I don’t know how many people he’ll have to go through at New Year’s Nightmare, but maybe say a prayer for them before you go to bed tonight.
Powerbomb Paul slides into the ring to check on his partner. Bones roars at him, making clear not to try any funny business as the giant leaves the ring.
Washington: The following contest is scheduled for One Fall! If Bucky ‘Titanium’ Knight wins, he will become a member of FIRESIDE! Introducing first, weighing in at 252 pounds, he is… BUUUUUCKYYY KNIIIIIGHTTTT!
The crowd cheers as "Dead Man's Hand" plays.
Wright: Bucky ‘Titanium’ Knight, looking to finally cross the threshold from cameo appearances to full-time employment!
Park: This crowd is behind him tonight! He might finally do it!
Wright: He’ll have to get through a debuting Tanya, but this could be his chance.
The commentators continue talking over the now noticeable delay, assuming the entrance is running long as Bucky has still not come out yet. After another minute of banter--
The camera cuts to a live feed of the parking lot outside of FIRESIDE’s Philadelphia arena. Everything looks normal and fine, until the camera cuts again to reveal that one car has a broken window, and even worse, a nearly-shattered window. There is a body halfway through the windshield!
Wright: What the hell is this?
Park: That can’t be Bucky, can it?
The cowboy hat on the hood of the car reveals that someone has gotten the jump on Bucky, beating him and driving his head through the windshield of a parked car. Whoever the assailant was, it’s clearly they did not like him very much at all. The first one on the scene is Walter Stanford, FIRESIDE’s resident interviewer, who helps the unconscious cowboy out of the windshield before signaling for help.
Wright: I’m getting word now that due to the assault in the parking lot, this match is now off. I am sorry if you were looking forward to it.
Park: As disappointing as that is, I hope Bucky’s okay! That looks like it could be a serious set of injuries.
Wright: I don’t know who could have done such a thing, but there’ll be hell to pay when the assailant is discovered.
Washington: The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championships! Introducing first, from St. Louis, Missouri, and Lansing, Michigan, weighing in at a combined 397 pounds, they are Esmur and Gebin, the NIIIIIHIIIIIIIIIIILIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTSSSSSSSSSSSS!
The arena dims down to pitch blackness. Two male voices are heard saying, “EMBRACE … ETERNITY” The new video package for the reborn Nihilists plays on the XtremeTron. "Saviour of Nothing" by Disturbed begins to play and a single blue spotlight illuminates the stage. On the stage standing back to back facing either side of the arena are Esmur and Gebin, the Arbiters. The camera zooms right up from the ramp to their masked faces as they slowly turn to look at it. They tear off the masks and drop them at their feet. They then walk past the camera and out of frame as it zooms out. The two men mean business as they quickly walk to the ring and slide under the bottom rope. The push to their feet and step to the center of the ring as the spotlight turns slowly from blue to pink to white. The two men remain back to back facing the two sides of the crowd left and right of the entryway.
Wright: One of the all-time great XHF teams in the Nihilists, the former XHF Tag Team champions, and they’ve made names for themselves in a hurry here in FIRESIDE.
Park: Taking out PowerDriver was a bold opening statement from these two. It only makes sense that they’d get the first crack at the tag team championships.
Wright: Some would argue that they haven’t earned it here yet though.
Park: And they’d be wrong, Oliver.
Washington: And their opponents… from Detroit, Michigan and Portland, Oregon, weighing in tonight at a combined 340 pounds, they are JOOOOE NOBOODDY and ‘DEVILISSSSSSSSSH’ DONNNYYYYY DEVILLLLLLLE!
"Teknopathetic" by Hideki Naganuma comes over the PA system as Joe Nobody and ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville appear. Deville performs his usual cartwheel into a front flip, landing in a modern superhero pose, while Nobody just smirks and adjust his tie. Nobody hands over his fedora to a young fan and Deville moonsaults over the ropes, landing in the hero’s pose as he waits for Nobody to climb into the ring.
Wright: Nobody and Deville looking to stake their claim to tag team fame by taking out one of the most known teams in the XHF after scoring a solid win over PowerDriver to earn this opportunity.
Park: They’re still a fresh team and working out the chemistry, but they looked good. Between Nobody’s technical ability and Deville’s aerial athleticism, the two could surprise the world tonight.
Joe Nobody decides to take the opportunity to start while Gebin goes for the Nihilists. The bell rings and the match is on. The high-flying Gebin uses his speed to create some early spacing, before moving in to fire away with some chest chops that get the crowd wooing. He whips Nobody off the ropes, but Nobody resists the arm drag on the return to hit Gebin with one of his own. Gebin rolls over and Nobody jumps over him to bounce off the ropes, and Gebin pulls down the ropes on the other side of the ring, sending a charging Nobody crashing to the floor! As Nobody gets up, Gebin shoots through the middle ropes and grabs Nobody on the way down, crashing down with a diving DDT to the floor!
Wright: Gebin using a high-flying offense to keep Nobody at bay! An impressive DDT in the early-goings!
Park: He’s just one step ahead of his opponent right now, we’ll see if he can keep it up!
Gebin quiets down the crowd by taunting them before he grabs Nobody’s head and sets it against the steel steps. He isn’t playing around as he looks to seal the deal early, climbing up onto the apron. He charges and jumps up for a stomp, but Nobody manages to pull away at just the right moment! Gebin loses his balance on the steps but leaps off into Nobody, but Nobody not only catches him, but lifts him up and absolutely plants him with a Victory Buster on the floor!
Wright: Victory Buster! Gebin paid for his offensive flurry in a big way there from Nobody!
Park: He might be out already!
Visibly annoying Donny Deville, Joe Nobody takes a few moments to taunt Gebin and the Philadelphia crowd before scooping him back up and sliding him back into the ring. Nobody takes his sweet time, and adding insult to potential injury, puts his foot on top of Gebin. The referee counts for the dirty pin.
Wright: Nobody showing no respect there!
Park: You gotta love it! The Nihilists have made their name, but Nobody isn’t afraid of ‘em!
...ONE…
...T-Gebin kicks out!
Joe Nobody is clearly not amused by what he perceives to be a slow count from the referee as he backs up into his own corner. Not content with his partner, ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville tags himself into the match and climbs the ropes. Joe Nobody has his arms out and is clearly voicing his displeasure of having been temporarily removed from the match, but Deville just gestures for him to get the hell out of the way. Eventually, Nobody does.
Wright: These two don’t exactly appear to be on the same page!
Park: Deville wants to stay on the offensive, nothing wrong with that! The former PSW World Champion wants to make his impact tonight!
Wright: But Nobody is no slouch either, reigning with his own championship for a few hundred days himself!
Donny Deville is perched on the top rope but the argument with Nobody allows Gebin enough time to get back to his feet as well. Gebin climbs up to the top rope and the two men exchange punches back and forth, both looking to knock the other into a stage of grogginess just long enough to hit a big move. The two braw their way to what seems like a stalemate, but then Gebin leaps up and hooks his legs, firing Deville nearly halfway across the ring with a top rope hurricanrana! The crowd pops for the move as both men smack into the mat!
Wright: A big hurricanrana there!
Park: That conversation and distraction with Nobody might have cost Deville big there! Both men are down!
Both men are on the other side of the ring from their partners, but that stops neither from beginning the army crawl to tag them in. Despite taking the hurricanrana, Deville is actually the first one to make it back to his corner, forcibly tagging in Nobody while the teamwork and chemistry between a roughed-up Gesbin and a fresh Esmur is palpable. Esmur comes in and the technical scrap becomes clear as he grabs Nobody and locks him in an armbar, really wrenching on Nobody’s arm and trying to rip it out of the socket. He knees Nobody in the gut and transitions the armbar into an abominable stretch, working the technician.
The stretch is applied and the Nihilist is firing on all cylinders, keeping Nobody away from the ropes and unable to break free. The stretch only gets worse before it gets better for Nobody as he manages to twist and drive an elbow into Esmur’s gut, freeing him from the hold. He responds by getting behind Esmur and taking him down with a Russian leg sweep. Nobody wipes the sweat out of his eyes and continues his offensive maneuvering, bouncing off the ropes and driving into his opponent with a shining wizard! Nobody hooks the leg again.
...ONE…
...T-No!
Esmur gets a shoulder up!
Wright: These two putting on a clinic with Nobody getting the advantage there!
Park: That’s not right, Oliver. Joe got the advantage and nearly booted Esmur’s head off there.
Wright: Ha. Ha.
Joe Nobody looks over into his corner and looks to tag in Deville, but Deville shakes his head no. Nobody gives him a look and turns back into Esmur, slowly lifting the masked man back up to his feet. He goes to lift Esmur up for the Awesome Driver, but Esmur drops back behind him, grabbing Nobody and pulling him back to the mat hard with a brutal Fade Out!
Wright: Fade Out of nowhere! Esmur slips out and brings the momentum of Nobody to a screeching halt!
Park: This could be it!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Nobody kicks out!
Esmur wastes no time, immediately locking an arm and a leg around Joe Nobody’s throat, locking in his version of the Koji Clutch!
Wright: Sensory Deprivation! This is why Esmur is a dangerous competitor in the ring, once he gets rolling he’s awfully hard to stop!
Park: He might choke Nobody out and win the titles that way! You can only last in a hold like this for so long!
Joe Nobody is trapped in a bad away as he looks for an escape from the submission hold. He stretches his hand out towards the ropes, but he’s just a fingertip or two away from grabbing them! He tries to roll over, but the technician choking him out does not budge! He moves a leg towards the ropes as well, but Esmur pulls back harder, choking the life out of Nobody! Nobody raises his hand to the sky, and it’s clear that he doesn’t have much left!
Wright: Esmur might get the submission here! Nobody’s not looking good right now!
Park: Nobody’s chances of capturing the tag team championships are fading away fast just like he is!
Right as Nobody looks like he’s about to tap out, Deville comes flying in off the top rope, driving his elbow into the back of Esmur’s head! Esmur rolls off the hold grabbing the point of impact as the crowd boos the under-handed save. Gebin takes issue with Deville and speeds into the ring, but the referee is there to get between the two men and keep Gebin from getting his retribution. While Esmur is still down, Deville fires off a quick standing swanton, then rolls out of the ring! Joe Nobody slowly but surely drags himself across Esmur, pinning him as the crowd boos louder!
Wright: Deville gets away with one there! This might be it for the Nihilists!
Park: The ref took his eyes off the ball and Esmur paid for it!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...NO!
Esmur gets a foot on the ropes!
Wright: Esmur stays alive!
Park: Both men need a tag!
Despite their tactics, the crowd is starting to get behind the Nihilists as they root against Joe Nobody and ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville. Deville shakes his head in frustration while standing on the apron, arm extended, waiting desperately for Nobody to crawl across the ring. On the other side, Gebin is ready to explode like a firecracker. The tags are made simultaneously, and the dueling high-fliers come at each other with speed, neither man wanting the other to get an advantage! Gebin fires off an European Uppercut, then another, and then another! Deville goes stumbling to his knees, leaving Gebin the opening to flip forward with a sunset flip powerbomb!
Wright: Chaos Theory! Goodnight Donny!
Park: New tag team champs!?
...ONE..,
...TWO..
...Deville kicks out!
Wright: Deville kicks out! Back and forth, what a match!
Park: What’s it going to take for either team to capture the FIRESIDE tag team championships? You can tell all four men want it so badly!
Realizing Esmur is still down, Gebin takes matters into his own hands and scales the top turnbuckle, looking to put Deville away with the Empty Abyss! A drained Gebin gets himself on the top rope and stabilizes himself, looking to fly!
Wright: Empty Abyss incoming! One of Gebin’s first Shooting Star Presses since having his neck broken by Natasha!
Park: He’s clear for takeoff!
Just as Gebin is about to leap, Nobody manages to get back up on the apron, shoving Gebin off the ropes! Gebin still manages to flip into the shooting star, but he lands chest first on the mat instead of on top of Deville! Deville gets back up and puts some extra anger into the Main Attraction, performing his standing backflip double foot stomp with authority! He covers!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Wright: New champions! The Main Attraction does it!
Park: He got all of that one, right on Gebin’s surgically-repaired neck! Wow!
Washington: Here are your winners, and the first ever FIRESDIE Tag Team Champions, the team of JOOOOOOOOOOE NOBOOOOOODY AND ‘DEVILISH’ DONNNNNNNNY DEVILLLLLLLLLLLE!
Wright: Both of these teams fought hard and in the end, the former PSW World Champion gets another day in the sun with an impressive victory!
Park: This team is undefeated and here to stay in FIRESIDE!
The referee hands Joe Nobody and ‘Devilish’ Donny Deville the championships. Joe Nobody immediately takes his and goes to climb the ropes, banging on about how much he deserves it, much to the chagrin of the crowd. Esmur manages to scoop up Gebin and get him away from the team, where he can get his neck looked at by the medical staff. Deville just stands there, looking at his reflection in the gold.
Wright: A big win for this partnership!
Park: You can see Deville really soaking it in, but he still looks angry for some reason! You just won Donny, celebrate!
Nobody hops off the turnbuckles… and into a brutal shot with the FIRESIDE Tag Team Championship with Deville! The crowd fiercely boos Deville blindsiding Nobody, and the impact opens Nobody up instantaneously, causing him to bleed all over!
Wright: Whoah whoah! What the hell?
Park: Deville just WON the championships and he’s already turning on his partner!
Wright: What the hell is this all about?
The crowd boos Deville as he rips the other tag team championship off of his partner, placing it underneath Nobody’s bloody head. He looks down, saying something that the camera doesn’t quite catch, before performing another Main Attraction, driving both of his feet down into Nobody’s skull and the other FIRESIDE Tag Team Championship!
Wright: This is not the result I had expected at all!
Park: Deville just took out his own tag team partner, and this crowd is not happy with him! I can’t believe it myself!
Wright: Neither can I!
Deville takes the now-bloody championship out from underneath Joe Nobody’s unconscious head and slings both championships over his shoulders. He walks to the back of the ring with a concentrated look on his face, mentally blocking out the fiercely booing crowd as he exits.
Wright: We’re going to need medical attention out here for the champion!
Park: What did we just witness?
Washington: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is our Fans Bring the Weapons Match! Fans sitting in the first few rows have brought weapons to the arena that have been properly sanitized by staff, and any of them may be used by the two wrestlers competing tonight! This match is for the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship!
The crowd cheers for the XHF title match, and for their weapons. You can see more weapons than signs in the front few rows, and this might get out of hand fast.
Washington: Introducing first, the challenger, from Seattle, Washington, weighing in at 205 pounds, he is Derrick Lancaster!
Derrick Lancaster smoothly walks out and stops after taking a few steps. Looking out at the crowd, he raises both arms up while nodding as if to say "Yup, take it in. I have arrived." He then bolts the rest of the way to the ring, sliding into it head first. After clearing the ropes, he kips back onto his feet springing off his hands, then immediately jumps forward into a handstand; he does this with one arm behind his back.
Washington: And his opponent, he is the current XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion, weighing in at 180 pounds, he is ‘Rock Hard’ Jimmy Vanguard!
A pulsing beat starts to play as "Call on Me" begins blasting throughout the building. The lights start to strobe neon with each pulse.
Call on meeeeeeeeeeee, call on me
Call on meeeeeeeeeeee, call on me
Call on meeeeeeeeeeee, call on me
Call on meeeeeeeeeeee, call on me
Call on meeeeeeeeeeee, call on me
Call on meeeeeeeeeeee
I'm the same boy I used to be!
As the music plays, multiple gorgeous women dressed in 80s workout attire dance out from the back. They fill the stage, the ramp, and the area surrounding the ring as they dance suggestively to the music. You can tell FIRESIDE officials have made them wear facemasks.
Finally, "Rock Hard" Jimmy Vanguard steps out from the back popping his XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship-clad pelvis with every beat. His reflective aviator sunglasses shine in the lighting as he drops to his knees and caresses the stage. He leans forward and dry-humps the cool metal with a few thrusts before hopping to his feet and dancing down to the ring to the music. As he passes the ladies, they begin to follow him. He slides under the bottom rope and slowly pops up to his feet. He walks to the middle of the ring and throws his arms up in the air dancing to the music. All of the women are in the ring now. Most dance to the music, some grind the turnbuckles, some straddle the ropes, and some have their hands all over Jimmy Vanguard and the Junior Heavyweight Championship. Finally, Jimmy slips his sunglasses off and licks his lips as the music hits the decrescendo point. All of the women begin exiting the ring as Jimmy moves over to the corner to wait for the match to begin.
Wright: Formerly from Rebel Rock Wrestling, this is ‘Rock Hard’ Jimmy Vanguard, and as you can clearly tell, he certainly knows how to make an entrance!
Park: I hope Lancaster rips his arms off and takes his title.
Wright: Oh it’s harmless fun---
Park: I’m not a fan.
Technical wrestling supremacist and feminist UnJoo Park’s commentary aside, the two men meet up in the center of the ring and the bell rings. The two do not seem even remotely interested in locking up to start this match, as instead both men exit the ring to survey their surroundings and spot weapons they can use to inflict pain and punishment on one another. Some of the weapons are a little pedestrian, with one fan waving around a 2x4, and another holding out her chair asking for either man to use it. Vanguard saddles up to her and literally charms her out of her seat, while a Philadelphian in a red Phillies cap turned backwards hands Derrick Lancaster what looks like a tennis racket.
Wright: These two men wasting no time grabbing weapons and arming themselves for war! The arms race begins with a chair and… is tennis popular in Philadelphia?
Park: I don’t think that’s an ordinary racket!
The camera zooms in on the racket, revealing an on/off switch. It’s an electronic bug zapper! Lancaster gets a feel for it, getting in a practice swing or two before he turns around to find Vanguard armed with a chair. The two swing on each other, but Vanguard’s weapon has more meat to it, causing Lancaster to let go of the zapper and almost electrocute himself. Jimmy connects with a chair shot directly against the shoulder blades of Lancaster, knocking him down to a crawling position. Jimmy tries to lock his arms behind his back and drive Lancaster into the chair, but Lancaster manages to evasive roll away towards the fans. One fan who clearly wasn’t participating in the bringing the weapons portion of the evening has their big fountain soda stolen, which Lancaster throws in the face of Vanguard to buy himself both time and space. A distracted Vanguard is no match for Lancaster sliding through his opponent’s legs and taking him down with a hard neckbreaker on the outside.
Wright: These two men are doing battle over the XHF Junior Heavyweight Championship tonight, with the winner going on the road south to defend the championship at NLW!
Park: They look like they’re going to use everything at their disposal to hurt one another tonight.
For an extra level of insult, instead of going for his usual double foot stomp, Derrick Lancaster looks out and rips a box of popcorn out of the hands of a smaller fan. Lancaster whops the box on Vanguard’s head and then opens it, dumping the popcorn all over him.
Wright: I don’t know if Lancaster gets that he should be using weapons the fans have brought, rather than bought!
Park: Lancaster is a man on a mission tonight, I don’t think he cares how he hurts Vanguard, as long as he takes home the championship!
Lancaster throws the box aside and scans the fans for another weapon. A still-frozen Butterball turkey is being waved around by one woman who has brought her kids along with her to the show. Lancaster grabs the turkey and realizes that this is a definitely a bird for feeding a large group of people, and is happy to use it for his cause. Vanguard gets back up to his feet and Lancaster fires the turkey at his face, trying to slam it against his face like a mean child with a dodgeball. Luckily for Vanguard, he ducks, causing the turkey to just crash into the floor.
Wright: That turkey took flight for a final time, but missed its destination!
Park: The Junior Heavyweight Champion isn’t going down that easily!
Jimmy Vanguard looks around and spots that one intense fan has brought a wooden baseball bat signed by all-time Phillies second baseman Chase Utley. He takes the bat in his hand, and it is an interesting sight to see Lancaster go back in favor of the bug zapper racket. The two men get in a clash similar to a sword fight, both men looking for the opening. Everytime Vanguard swings the bat, Lancaster uses his speed to either dodge out of his way or to swing the racket in front of the bat to protect himself. Lancaster finally goes low, swatting the back of Vanguard’s leg with the electronic bug zapping racket! Vanguard screams for a few moments of agony!
Wright: Ooh! The sound that racket made as it connects with Jimmy’s flesh!
Park: Really making Vanguard bug off there!
As Vanguard goes down, Lancaster seizes the baseball bat that was in his possession and uses it to tenderize Lancaster’s legs, swinging away on Vanguard’s quads like he was in the middle of a tee-ball game. After the third swing, Lancaster goes off to look for another weapon, but the damage has been done to the champion.
Wright: Lancaster might cripple Jimmy by the time this one is over! He’s been all over Jimmy early!
Park: It might be an early night for Vanguard!
Lancaster finally acknowledges what the cameras were doing their best to hide: there is at least one Jimmy Vanguard fan who has brought in a thankfully-cleaned dildo into the arena. With Vanguard being a porn star, this makes sense, but Lancaster grabbing the weapon of self love and destruction seems to be unusual. Instead of using it on Jimmy, he tosses it into the ring, far away from the action, mocking the fan. A member of the local plumber’s union, as indicated by his hat, has brought a wrench to the arena, and Lancaster gets his hands on it. At this time, Vanguard is using the steel steps to prop himself up, having been properly butchered by the challenger in the early goings. A Vanguard fan tosses him an object that he catches, and before Derrick Lancaster even knows what hit him, he is opened up like a stuffed pig and drops to the floor!
Wright: Vanguard just creamed Lancaster with a light tube!
Park: There’s a reason those tubes are used in deathmatches all over the world! They absolutely hurt like hell!
As the blood begins to pour out of Lancaster’s forehead, Vanguard takes a few moments to catch his breath, then begins building an arsenal of weapons to use in the ring. One of the first weapons is a bowling ball, the next is an I-95 highway sign that we probably don’t want to know where it came from but you can certainly guess, and after enough fans shout at him “JIM-MY, GET THE TABLE”, Jimmy obliges, popping the crowd.
Wright: We are in Philadelphia, a land of the extreme!
Park: Someone needs to report the fan that stole a highway sign!
Wright: Caffrey did warn us: bad things happen in Philadelphia!
Jimmy sends Lancaster’s bloody mess of a body back into the ring and builds on his offense with a swinging neckbreaker right onto the highway sign. He covers Lancaster, hooking a leg!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Lancaster gets a shoulder up!
Wright: Jimmy is in the drivers’ seat right now, and I would hate to be Derrick right now!
Park: He’s got a world of painful weapons in hands!
Jimmy Vanguard takes the table and sets it up in the far corner, extending the legs out. You can tell this is a table from home because it’s white and solid and not the usual wooden variety. He drags Lancaster into another corner and beats on the bloody mess of a man with lefts and rights, and the crowd finds themselves counting along to the charismatic star’s punches.
Wright: Vanguard walked into Philly an enemy of the people, but he seems to be turning them!
Park: They came to see violence in this match, and he’s delivering!
Vanguard stretches Derrick’s legs out, putting them a good distance apart from one another on the ropes. He hoists up the bowling ball and the crowd knows what’s coming next. He warms up and gets himself ready, then rolls the bowling ball straight down Derrick’s turnpike, much to Lancaster’s chagrin and the approval of the crowd!
Wright: Oh-oh man, a painful 7-10 split from Vanguard!
Park: The collective cringe of the crowd should tell you everything you need to know about that one!
Wright: These two have gotten electrocuted, opened up with a light tube, and beaten mercilessly with a baseball bat, but that might take the cake in terms of both punishment and pain tonight!
Vanguard covers!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...TH-NO!
Lancaster kicks out just before three!
Wright: I’m not sure how Lancaster kicked out of that!
Park: He wants to be champion more than he wants to be able to walk out of here under his own power, it seems!
Jimmy Vanguard gets Derrick Lancaster slowly back up to a standing position, but the crowd chants have become also embarrassingly loud for the purple dildo that has been laying in the corner to finally be used. Seriously, fans are chanting “DIL-DOOOOOOO”, “DIL-DOOOOOO”, and Vanguard, not about to miss out on pleasuring the fans and sending them home satisfied, drops Lancaster back to the mat in search of the weapon of the crowd’s choosing. He finds the ‘weapon’ and the crowd cheers, ready for what’s still to come.
Wright: Vanguard has used similar weapons like this in his past, and the fans are all warmed up and ready for it!
Park: Lancaster’s stirring around on the mat, reaching into his attire for something…
Vanguard holds up the dildo for the crowd and they follow the swing with a beautiful crescendo of noise, but the weapon does not connect as Lancaster punches him low! He sheds a pair of brass knuckles he’s brought in himself to keep them out of the referee’s view, and whips Vanguard into the table!
Wright: Lancaster brought his own weapon to the match, knocking Vanguard down a peg! Is that legal in a match like this?
Park: I don’t know if it is or not, but the referee didn’t see it!
The table doesn’t break as Vanguard bangs off it, but a charging Lancaster runs at him full-tillt, jumping and driving both of his knees into Vanguard with the Brute Force, breaking the table in half as the crowd pops at the carnage!
Wright: Brute Force through the table! This could be it!
Park: Vanguard just got rocked!
Lancaster peels Vanguard off the broken table and hooks the leg!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Wright: He did it!
Park: New champ!
Washington: Here is your winner, and the NEWWWW XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion, DERRIIIIIICK LANCASTERRRRRRR!
A bloody and beaten Lancaster doesn’t even get back up to his feet as the referee hands him the championship. He holds the belt low, taking in the satisfaction of having fought and come out victorious in a bloody war against Vanguard for the strap.
Wright: Vanguard and Lancaster threw everything they could at each other, this match could have gone either way, but in the end Derrick Lancaster scores the victory tonight!
Park: Vanguard earned respect tonight; with Rebel Rock closing he’s welcome back in FIRESIDE anytime he wants!
Wright: I’d say so! And that win not only puts Lancaster on the map in the XHF, but it also sends him on road, as he’ll be defending that Junior Heavyweight Championship in NLW in December.
Park: Whoever they send to fight Lancaster, they’re in for a war if tonight is any example!
Lancaster holds the championship up again high above his head. The Philadelphia crowd is split between being happy for a FIRESIDE guy, but also booing that the charismatic Vanguard lost. The booing continues as Lancaster yells that he deserves more praise and heads his way to the back.
Washington: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and the winner will become the number one contender to the FIRESIDE World Championship, to fight the winner of tonight’s main event at New Year’s Nightmare!
Wright: Big stakes on this one! Two of FIRESIDE’s brightest talents are fighting to main event our end of the year show and compete for the world championship!
Park: They both came up just short in the Kindling, but tonight one of them is going to show the world they’re ready to be champion.
Washington: Introducing first, from Raleigh, North Carolina, weighing in at 200 pounds, she is MISSSSTRESSSSSSS DIIISCCCIPPPPPLINEEEE!
"The Planets Op. 32: IV. Jupiter- Bringer of Jollity" by Gustav Holst begins to play on the arena speakers. The lights dim slightly and a spotlight appears on the stage. Mistress Discipline steps onto the stage and adjusts the high collar and neckline of her trademark blue blouse. She marches to the ring with a purpose and without glasses because she wears contacts into the ring so she can see. She rolls into the ring and adjusts her trademark hair buns. She steps into the corner and begins stretching her arms while awaiting her opponent (she will not be bending over).
Wright: Formerly from MCCW, Mistress has come into FIRESIDE and set the world on fire, racking up a great fanbase of every type of wrestling fan.
Park: She works hard and can kick ass. Fans admire that, and so do I. She’s got a tough challenge ahead of her, but if there’s anyone who can rise up, it’s Discipline.
Marcus is about to begin announcing Jonnie Valentine’s entrance, but a Korean American man, wearing a sharp grey suit, spiked hair, and a headset wheels down to the ring in his heelies. Long-time Valentine fans know that this is a man named Greg who serves as Valentine’s assistant. He asks Marcus to hand over his microphone, and Marcus gives him a confused look, then obliges. Greg has a deep baritone ring announcer voice.
Greg, Jonnie's Assistant: Ladies and gentlemen...city of Brotherly Love; welcome to Fireside's Blaze of Glory!
The fans roar for the cheer pop.
Greg, Jonnie's Assistant: As a reminder, this match is to decide the number one contender to the Fireside World Championship! Your referee is balding and smells like Corn Nuts and Marlboros.
Fans laugh as the referee tries to argue with him.
Greg, Jonnie's Assistant: Introducing the challenger, generously gracing the scales at 234 pounds, he is the bankable star that allowed NBC Universal to green light Thundercats: Lion-O Reborn and Pixar to launch Pac-Man: The Motion Picture. He is The Human Dropkick Machine, He is Very Relatable, He is Pro Wrestling's Own; He is 'THANKFUL’ JONNIE VALENTINE!!!
Jonnie jogs down to the ring, slapping fans hands, doing a full lap around the front row. He finds an old lady or geeky teen singing his theme song, and he sings along with them. He pulls on the top rope to vault inside the ring and does the double guns to the crowd. The crowd pounds on the railing like a war drum as Jonnie Valentine loosens up in the corner.
Wright: SWAT brass may not love their former world champion being here in FIRESIDE, but ‘Movie Star’ Jonnie Valentine has amassed a following of hard-working Philadelphians and is ready to go to work tonight.
Park: It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, everyone gets a fair shake here in FIRESIDE. And Valentine is definitely an example, looking to climb back to the top of the mountain at the end of the year. Discipline’s not going to let him walk all over her though.
Wright: Winner gets to fight MAJESTY or Misha Constantine for the world title next match, and there’s the bell! This match is on!
Mistress Discipline and Jonnie Valentine exchange a mutual handshake in respect much to the approval of the crowd before circling one another. The cameras capture the nerves of Discipline, a little twitchy in the opening, compared to the former world champion who’s been to the big dance before. Discipline moves in to grapple Valentine, but he responds with a kick to the mid-section. He twists her arm, lifting her up off the mat, then sends her slamming down into the mat. Discipline gets back up and Valentine gives her a friendly taunt, scoring himself a point. Valentine’s fans bang on the guardrail in support of their boy.
Wright: An early point for Valentine there!
Park: There’s no point-scoring in wrestling, Oliver. It’s win or lose. Both wrestlers know there’s big stakes on the line here.
Valentine and Discipline lock up again, this time with Valentine wrenching on a side headlock. Discipline shoves Jonnie off, sending him bouncing off the ropes, but Discipline sidesteps his attempt at a Lou Thesz press. She slaps the back of his head hard, knocking some sense into him, before locking in an abominable stretch. You can hear her giving herself a point as she wrenches the hold, stretching out Valentine’s mid-section as painfully as possible.
Park: Discipline on the board there with the ab stretch.
Wright: Didn’t you just say that there isn’t any point scoring in wrestling?
Discipline keeps the hold applied and Valentine is nowhere near the ropes, but the fans begin to clap for him to get back into the match. He fires off a shot to Discipline’s rib cage and the crowd cheers louder, then louder again as he fires off another. He finally breaks free and hits the ropes again, this time coming crashing back into Discipline with a basement dropkick, taking out her leg and taking her down to the mat.
Wright: Valentine is a master of the dropkick, and he showed it there. This match can change on a dime if he pulls one of those out, and he can hit from anywhere.
Park: Jonnie is definitely dangerous with those kicks, Mistress has got to be careful.
Valentine decides to slide out of the ring, grabbing Discipline and pulling her so that she hangs out over the apron. He looks to lock on a single-arm spike DDT, but Discipline manages to pull herself back into the ring. She gets back up and sticks her head out as she goes to exit the ring, but Valentine grabs her head and jumps, bouncing Discipline’s throat off the ropes! Mistress goes down grasping at her throat in the center of the ring!
Wright: He hung her up to dry with that one!
Park: That’s the industry veteran in Jonnie, not letting up and not letting Discipline take back any of the momentum.
Jonnie gets back into the ring and jumps up, dropping a knee directly into the back of Mistress’ elbow. She grabs her arm in pain as Valentine looks to work the arm, scooping up Mistress with a chickenwing and slamming her back down on the left arm he’s targeting. To make matters worse for Discipline, he grabs her arm again and twists it against the mat, before stomping hard into the elbow once more.
Wright: As a fellow destroyer of arms, how do you feel about Jonnie’s offense here?
Park: He’s trying to take the arm of the technician out of the picture. It’s awful hard to lock in any kind of submission or grapple when you only have one good arm to do so. It’s good strategy. Mistress needs to get herself back into this match before it fades away for her.
Wright: Easier said than done!
Valentine stomps the arm one more time before locking in an armbar down on the mat. Discipline grimaces in pain and sticks her hand out though, and she’s right by the ropes so the referee is forced to call for the break. Jonnie holds the submission anyway for just a few seconds, really wrenching on the pain. He backs off and poses for his fans in the crowd, seeming surprised to be booed by the legion of Mistress Discipline fans also in attendance. Discipline has pulled herself back to her feet. She is holding her arm, clearly feeling the effects of Jonnie working the limb. Discipline’s Diehards pop loudly as she gestures for Jonnie to bring it.
Wright: Discipline has gone too far to give up now, look at the fire in her eyes.
Park: I love it too but I’m not sure if this is waving a red flag in the face of a bull, Oliver.
Jonnie Valentine smirks and decides to charge in, getting up and looking to put Discipline away early with the Picture Perfect Dropkick! He leaps, but Discipline dodges out of the way and grabs a foot, immediately pulling the grounded Valentine into the center of the ring. The crowd roars as she not only locks on an ankle lock, but immediately grapevines the leg, causing a world of problems for her opponent!
Wright: The Procedure! Discipline turns this one around in a hurry by taking out the master of the dropkick’s best weapon!
Park: She adopted this from studying the owner of our company, but hers is extra nasty! She wastes no time in trapping her opponents in no man’s land!
Discipline wrenches on the hold and Valentine screams out in pain, having been baited into Mistress’ trap. He looks out to the ropes and tries to pull himself and Discipline towards them by pressing himself off of the mat, but she has locked the hold in tight and is doing her best to prevent any type of crawling. Valentine curses out in pain as he reaches an arm out--
Wright: This might be it right here! Can Discipline finish the job and win herself the number one contendership?
Park: Her fans are on their feet as they’re both fighting for every inch of that ring right now!
---and presses down on the mat again, trying with everything he has to get towards the ropes, but to no avail. Mistress does not let up, but Jonnie manages to tuck and roll himself, sending Discipline forward, but she amazingly keeps the ankle grasped! Now on his back instead of his stomach, Jonnie reaches up and rolls Discipline into an inside cradle!
Wright: Inside Cradle! Jonnie’s been winning matches since the ‘90s with that! He may have just caught Discipline!
Park: Here’s the count!
...ONE…
..TWO…
...Mistress kicks out!
Mistress Discipline breaks the hold and kicks out before the opportunity alludes her. She immediately transitions Jonnie to the Dunce Cap, locking in a choking sleeper and going again to try to wear down Valentine, not even letting him reach down and grab his ankle in pain. Luckily for Jonnie, he is close enough to the ropes to grab on and hug them for dear life. After a few seconds, Discipline does indeed relinquish the hold, clearly wishing he was a little further away when she locked it in. Valentine stumbles down for a few seconds, unable to put his full weight on the ankle Discipline has been twisting and tearing.
Wright: Both Discipline and Valentine have done considerable damage to the others’ limbs, Jonnie doesn’t look he can walk right and Discipline seems to be unable to truly use both of her arms fully for these submissions.
Park: They’re both strategists and planners, that’s why they’ve gotten this far. The gameplan’s been effective, now it’s just going to come down to who wants it more.
The two competitors grit their teeth and bear it aa they lock up one more time. Valentine takes Discipline and uses her bad arm against her, stretching and torquing it as much as he can, but Discipline isn't taking the punishment lightly. In fact, she pulls Valentine back in closer, only to pop up a bicycle knee and strike him down to the mat with a Final Bell!
Wright: Valentine just got his bell rung courtesy of the high knee from Mistress!
Park: He might be out cold from that one! The cover and the count!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Valentine gets a hand on the ropes!
Mistress sits on the mat for a few seconds and shakes her head in disbelief, knowing that she has to dig deeper into the well to finally put down the man calling himself Thankful this week. She goes to lock him into the Naughty Child, but Valentine gets leverage and pins both of her shoulders down to the mat!
Wright: Naughty Child- no! Valentine’s got Mistress pinned down unable to lock in the gogoplata!
Park: Could this be it?
...ONE…
...TWO..
Mistress kicks out! Mistress rolls up Valentine as he tries to stand back up!
...ONE…
...TWO…
Valentine gets a shoulder up!
Wright: Both wrestlers now looking to steal the win out from the other!
Park: It's not stealing! These two are doing anything they can to get the win and cement themselves as the new number one contender!
Valentine struggles to get back up to his feet, but Mistress makes the mistake of coming too close! He traps her arms and gets ready to throw her into his belly-to-belly brainbuster, but she doesn't quite go along for the ride! She fights her way out before the take-off, leading Valentine to trap her arm and deliver a chicken wing Northern Lights Suplex! He bridges his body for the count!
Wright: Valentine crashing Mistress down on that arm one more time! Could this be the end of Discipline?
Park: The former SWAT world champ might be about to become FIRESIDE’s number one contender!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THRNO!
Valentine yells at the referee, clearly believing that should have been three. He kicks the bottom rope in frustration before moving himself into the corner.
Wright: Valentine wanted that three count, but Discipline managed to get her good shoulder up just in the nick of time.
Park: Look at the focus in his eyes. He wants this. I don’t know if Discipline knows where she is right now,
He taps his foot and the crowd begins to clap along in anticipation, knowing that this is the move that has won Valentine championship after championship. The noise in the arena gives way to dueling chants of "Val-en-tine/Let's Go Mistress" as there isn't a fan still in their seats.
Val-en-tine!
Let’s Go Mistress!
Val-en-tine!
Let’s Go MIstress!
Discipline slowly but surely uses the ropes to pull herself back up, then takes a moment to shake off her arm before Jonnie Valentine charges forwards and leaps at her with both feet leading the way! Mistress catches the dropkick and slams Jonnie down to the mat with a sit-out powerbomb!
Wright: Picture Perfect-- Expulsion! Mistress catches Jonnie and powerbombs him!
Park: His head just bounced off the mat! This might be it!
Discipline stays in position, pressing Valentine's shoulders down to the mat!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...THREE!
Washington: Here is your winner, and the NEEEWWW number one contender to the FIRESIDE World Championship, MIIIIIISSSSSSTRRREESSSS DDDDIIIISSSCIIIPPPLIIINE!
Discipline rolls off of Valentine and is so excited that she takes a victory lap outside of the ring, raising her good arm in triumph! Her fans roar and light up the building, cheering loudly as the former Master Class wrestler scores one of the biggest wins of her career!
Wright: In a knock ‘em out drag’em out technical battle with one of FIRESIDE’s best, Mistress Discipline hangs on and picks up the huge victory!
Park: She can proudly say tonight that she is the new number one contender! What a match!
Wright: What a match indeed. Jonnie Valentine brought his all tonight, but Mistress was three seconds better than him, and now she’s got an opportunity of a lifetime.
The referee meets Discipline outside the ring, raising her arm. He first raises the arm that Valentine has torn apart, but then raises the good arm. Discipline grimaces, then smiles through the pain and triumph.
Wright: Discipline’s got extra interest tonight in the FIRESIDE World Championship between MAJESTY and Misha Constantine, she’ll be taking on the winner in the main event of New Year’s Nightmare, live on PPV on December 31st!
Park: I’m sure her eyes will be glued to this match, and after this brief message, we’ll be back with that main event!
A steel cage begins to lower down. The fans cheer loudly in excitement as they know it’s time for the main event and to crown the first ever FIRESIDE World Champion.
Washington: The following contest is a Steel Cage Match, it is the Finale of the Kindling, and it is to crown the first ever FIRESIDE World Champion!
Wright: History will be made, ladies and gentlemen. Either MAJESTY or Misha Constantine will go down in the history books tonight.
Park: I’ve been waiting all day for this match!
Washington: To win the match, you must either pin or submit your opponent, or escape the cage with both feet touching down to the floor! Introducing first, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in tonight at 175 pounds, he is the ‘Self Made GOD’, he is MISHAAAAA CONSTANTINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
"Since man cannot live without miracles,
He will provide himself with the miracles of his own making.
He will believe in any kind of deity,
Even though he may otherwise be a heretic, an atheist, and a rebel."
Drums crescendo as the sarcophagus cracks and falls apart, revealing the smirking form of Misha Constantine, who begins his walk to the ring as 'In The Name Of God' pounds from the speakers.
Flames!!!
In the age of Hell!!!
In the age of fire!!!
War!!!
In the name of God!!!
In the holy empire!!!
Constantine casually slides into the ring, rolling over and kipping up effortlessly.
Wright: Misha Constantine, one of the hidden gems of the entire XHF, tonight on full display as the Self Made God looks to take down a terrifying figure.
Park: To get here, Constantine battled through that Jack’s Pumpkin Glow match and outlasted the new XHF Junior Heavyweight Champion Derrick Lancaster and the next number one contender to the world title, Mistress Discipline. It’s been a long road for him.
Wright: And we can’t not acknowledge tonight that Misha Constantine is setting out to become the first trangender world champion in the history of the XHF -- especially in a match where Majesty also identifies with they/them pronouns as far as we know -- but if you ask Misha all he cares about is being champion.
Park: I wish him luck, but I just don’t know how anyone’s gonna stop his opponent tonight.
Constantine walks up the steps and casually steps into the steel cage. If he’s nervous tonight, he’s not showing it, taking the time to roll over and kip up effortlessly.
Washington: And… his opponent…
Washington: ...fr-fr-from the Feywild, weighing in at 183 pounds, they are…. MAJESTY!
The audience is deeply moved and a bit disturbed by Marcus’ voice rapidly shifting into that of a demon. Even Marcus looks deeply concerned, smacking his throat a few times to try to make sure the sound leaves him. Luckily for him it does, but he decides to follow up by getting the hell out of the ring and as far away as he can to announce the match result.
Wright: Oh I already hate it and Majesty’s not even out here yet!
Park: Marcus needs to get looked at ASAP. I think he just turned bright white, like he saw a ghost!
Gentle and eerie piano keys lilt out over the arena as the house lights come down. A drumroll kicks in and flashes of green and yellow lights flash around the crowd. At one point, a quick flash of a projection of Majesty appears standing on one of the staircases in the arena, and then just like that, it's gone. A few more rounds of light, you could've sworn you saw Majesty yet again, this time on the other side of the arena.
And then... the guitars kick in, and a wild, horrifying laugh tears through the arena. All the lights are a shade of green and yellow, filtering around, and Majesty rises from the stage at the top of the ramp, enshrouded by mist and smoke. They twirl around, a wide grin etched into their face as they spin and dance down the ramp like some kind of fucked up ballerina, streamers flowing behind them, attached to their jacket.
Wright: There’s Majesty ladies and gentlemen, and if you haven’t seen them in action… well, you’ve been sleeping under a rock, and God bless you trying to sleep peacefully tonight.
Park: The Feywild Figure ran through Jonnie Valentine and Kyosuke Nakata at Eastern State Penitentiary to claim this opportunity. And the terrifying is, well, we haven’t even heard from Nakata after that beating. No word on if he took his ball and went home, or has been transported to some horrible alternate dimension, nothing.
Wright: There’s Majesty ladies and gentlemen, and if you haven’t seen them in action… well, you’ve been sleeping under a rock, and God bless you trying to sleep peacefully tonight.
Park: These are two very nimble wrestlers, quick and athletic, locked together in a steel cage. I don’t know what the hell’s going to happen, but whoever comes through with the victory is our first ever FIRESIDE World Champion.
Majesty makes their way around the edges of the ring, spinning still, streamers twirling. The fans in the front row recoil back a bit, not wanting to get too close to the mysterious entity, who runs up the steps and rolls into the ring and just lays there for a moment, cackling as the thunderous guitars clang out across the arena.
Wright: Here we go… Majesty vs. Misha Constantine. You can see Misha’s confidence has faded a bit since Majesty came down, I’m no longer seeing the cocky grin on his face.
Park: It’s hard to smile at the devil when he’s come to collect, Oliver.
The bell rings. Misha Constantine immediately darts around Majesty, heading straight for the door. Majesty grabs him, throwing him back over down onto the mat with ease. Misha hurries backward, and Majesty gives him a look as if to indicate there is no escape tonight.
Wright: A shiver just went down my spine at that look!
Park: Majesty didn’t come all the way out here to be made a fool of. If Misha wants the championship, he’s gonna have to fight them for it.
This lesson hasn’t quite dawned on Misha Constantine just yet. He impressively runs up the turnbuckles and begins to scale the cage as fast as he can, actually getting halfway up the structure before Majesty climbs up the ropes and yanks him back down to the top turnbuckle. The look of terror on Misha’s face is quickly punched off, which seems to wake him up. He jabs a thumb as hard as he can into Misha’s eye and jumps off the ropes, grabbing Misha on the way down and spiking him into the mat with a tornado DeityDT!
Wright: DeityDT off the top rope! Misha Constantine responds big early with a huge move!
Park: Majesty wasn’t expecting the assault and pays for it huge! Misha’s wasting no time in making the cover!
Misha hooks the leg!
...ON-
Majesty shoulders out! Misha’s eyes go wide!
Wright: Granted it’s still very early in this match, but that’s the type of move that would put down a lesser wrestler, especially from the top rope!
Park: Majesty is anything but lesser, though!
Misha runs his hands through his hair, realizing he’s going to have to strap in and take the fight to the Feywild Figure while they’re still down. He drags Majesty towards the bottom rope, positioning him just underneath. He then turns around, bouncing off the opposing ropes, and coming back at full speed to deliver a missile dropkick, crushing Majesty against the cage!
Wright: That’s the type of offense Misha will have to execute if he’s going to walk out of this cage as the world champion!
Park: Majesty right now wishing he could teleport out of that predicament! A brutal move!
Misha Constantine rolls back to his feet and realizes that Majesty is still down, and that he can do it again. He turns his back and bounces off the ropes one more time, only to run straight into a chokeslam! Misha’s head bounces off the mat as Majesty sends him down hard!
Wright: And Majesty responds with a thunderous chokeslam, not letting Misha build any more momentum!
Park: That’s why I was saying I find it hard to believe that anyone’s going to stop them!
Majesty grabs Constantine by the roots of his hair, drawing disapproval from the crowd as they pull Constantine towards the steel cage. This time, there is no flourish of offense, as Majesty just presses Misha’s face against the cage and starts grinding it against the metal! By the time Majesty finishes their sickening face-grinding, Misha has begun to bleed from a cut above his eye!
Wright: That’s painful and hard to watch as Majesty really rubs Constantine’s face in it!
Park: Just brutal! Misha said you didn’t want to be locked in any structure with them, and it’s clear they meant it!
As Misha Constantine falls to the ground, the crowd voices their disapproval for the brutality. Majesty does not care what their opinion is whatsoever, taking the time to remove the padding from not just one of the turnbuckles, but all three in the same corner. The exposed metal will satisfy whatever their twisted delights happen to be. Misha is crawling around on the mat trying to get back up to his feet, slowly pulling himself up. We get a good view of the indents of the cage that were pressed against his skin, and he takes a few deep breaths to compose himself before Majesty is over to make sure he has no more time to breathe. Majesty drags Misha towards the exposed corner, knowing he’ll have fun introducing his new friend to the metal.
Wright: Not sure what Majesty has planned here, but I would hate to be Misha right now!
Park: Misha has gone so far, but this may be the end of the line here tonight!
Majesty grabs Misha, making an unusual kissy face, before throwing him straight into the exposed metal with a belly-to-belly suplex! The collective groan and grimace from the crowd rings out through the arena as Misha makes hard contact with the padless turnbuckles, somehow not being opened up by the impact! His body crumples down in a heap in the corner!
Wright: Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse! A belly-to-belly suplex crushing Misha in the corner!
Park: This is where the Self Made God might have wanted to keep his ego in check; a friend to throw in the towel would be handy right now!
Majesty collects Constantine’s corpse and slams it down into the center of the ring. Not at all content to escape, Majesty ignores the door and the cage walls in order to pin Misha. They hook the leg!
...ONE…
Misha Constantine kicks out!
Wright: Whoah! A one count? After that?
Park: Okay! Misha seemingly saying anything you can do, I can take tonight! I don’t know how wise that is -- but that’s his decision!
Majesty looks furious to have only drawn a one count from the referee. The referee pleads his innocence and then takes a wide berth, really wishing he could stand outside of the ring for this match and not having to be trapped in the structure with the Feywild Figure. Majesty forcibly grabs Misha’s legs and ties them together, before leaning back in one fluid motion and locking in their version of a Muta lock, Cegilune’s Penance!
Wright: Majesty looking to rip apart Misha any way they possibly can, now with Cegilune’s Penance!
Park: And unlike other matches tonight, there’s no rope breaks or disqualifications in a steel cage! Majesty can keep this hold applied all night long, or however long it takes to break Misha’s resolve!
Misha Constantine screams out in pain, looking to drag himself towards the ropes anyway to shift some of the leverage, but Majesty has the hold locked in tight and isn’t planning on going anywhere. Majesty takes interest in Misha’s hand, as he raises it as if he’s about to tap out! The delighted laugh from Majesty descends into a scream as Misha instead uses the moment to flip Majesty the finger, popping the crowd!
Wright: Majesty is a killer in there, but Misha isn’t a quitter!
Park: I really would NOT recommend flipping Majesty the finger.
Majesty keeps the hold applied, but Misha begins hammering away with the free hand, and turns the Penance into a pinning predicament, keeping Majesty’s shoulders down!
...ONE…
...TWO…
...Majesty releases the hold to break the pin!
Wright: Resourceful move there.
Park: He’s doing well in there, I’ll give Misha credit, but this might be a mountain too high to climb tonight.
Majesty peels off of their opponent and stands back a few feet. They begin to spin and twirl, setting up for Sweet Djinn Music -- and then twirling in the opposite direction, right into an Au Batido kick from Misha!
Wright: Misha showing his flexibility, planting a hand into the mat and dodging the superkick to fire off a kick of his own!
Park: He’s stunned Majesty there!
Misha follows up the assault by jumping up onto Majesty’s shoulders, the resulting hurricanrana sends Majesty crashing against the steel cage wall!
Wright: He’s finally showing some signs of life! Down goes Majesty!
Park: If he’s got a brain in his head he’ll head towards the exit!
Knowing that Majesty would eat him alive if he tried to escape the cage just yet, Misha drags Majesty’s body out from the ropes, puts them back onto their feet, and then whips them hard into the completely exposed turnbuckles. Majesty shouts in pain and agony, but Misha doesn’t let up, springing off the ropes to deliver his spinning kick known as Undyne’s Spear!
Wright: Undyne’s Spear! Misha Constatine striking fast to take down his opponent!
Park: Where’s he getting this energy? I don’t believe it!
Misha Constantine decides to skip the cover, instead eyeing up the walls of the steel cage. He puts one foot in front of the other and begins to climb the cage, stepping on each of the ropes as he hoists himself up and begins his ascent, trying to get out while Majesty’s still down and hasn’t noticed him escaping. Surprisingly, it seems to actually work, as Misha is nearly all the way up the cage and Majesty is just coming back to their senses! Misha has reached the top of the cage and is actually beginning his descent to the floor!
Wright: Whoah! Misha Constantine has dug down deep and bolted up the side of the cage, and Majesty’s only just getting up now!
Park: Misha’s got a commanding lead on them! We might be looking at a new champion right h--
Suddenly, the building loses audio and lights. Fans in the arena scream at the sudden blackout. When the lights turn back on, Majesty is now at the top of the cage!
Wright: Majesty teleported to the top of the cage! I thought they were banned from doing that by Caffrey!
Park: They’re banned from teleporting out of the cage, but there’s no rule against teleporting to the top!
Majesty reaches down, grabbing Misha by the top of his skull! Misha curses, realizing he’s only so far from the ground that he can just fall and win the championship! He decides to let go… but doesn’t go down! Instead, he goes up as Majesty palms his head and lifts him back to the top of the cage with a freakish showing of strength!
Wright: Holy-- the power of Majesty! Misha thought he had the match won, but Majesty had other plans there!
Park: They’re both high above the ring now, one wrong move could spell disaster for either of them!
Wright: They’re right above us! If either competitor falls off the top of the cage, they could come crashing down through a barricade or this very table!
Both wrestlers are perched high above the ring, their legs straddling the top of the cage as they remain seated. Misha Constantine fires off a right hand trying to create space, but soon enough both wrestlers are beginning to trade blows in a slow dramatic fashion, drawing corresponding boos and cheers from the crowd. More of the cheering coming in is actually for Majesty, as fans are drawn into the Feywild Figure’s wild behavior and destruction. The punches continue for a minute or two before finally Misha grabs Majesty’s face, bouncing it off the top of the cage!
Wright: Majesty and Misha have both taken a beating, and either of them could go off the side at any moment!
Park: Bouncing Majesty’s head off the cage might give Misha the opportunity he needs to put Majesty away for good!
Misha makes a bold move, deciding to stand up on top of the cage. He lifts Majesty up to their feet as well, before locking them between his legs. A devilish look of his own sweeps Misha’s face, knowing that dropping Majesty with a Divine Fire Driver from the top of the cage would certainly spell his opponent’s doom. He sucks up the punishment and the merciless beating he’s gotten from Majesty, barely able to stand at this point as he stands at the top, ready to finally win the big one and not have it slip through his fingers. He knows he has promised to enact that Majesty will fall to the wrath of the Self-Made God and he’s so close to making good on those words. The crowd rises to their feet as Misha hooks the arms behind Majesty, preparing to potentially break their neck!
Wright: Misha hits his version of the Tiger Driver from the top of the cage, and I don’t care where Majesty comes from, but he’s not getting up from that!
Park: Majesty might have exerted their last bits of energy teleporting up there! This could be it!
Misha slowly prepares to lift Majesty, but doesn’t quite get all of it, taking the step backwards off the cage, but Majesty doesn’t come with them, instead also falling backwards! Misha realizes what’s happening and screams out as both competitors fall off the cage!
Misha Constantine: FUCK!
Misha crashes down into the ring, smacking into the mat hard, and Majesty goes crashing down to the outside! Majesty crashes down through the barricade back-first!
Wright: This one’s over! New champion! Majesty has crashed down to the outside!
Park: No, take a look! The referee hasn’t called for the bell yet!
Majesty has crashed down alright, but they’ve only gone through 75% of the barricade, leaving the Feywild Figure to have carved a big indent into the barricade, but also leaving them hanging upside down and unconscious on the outside! Misha is down on the inside of the ring, but the bell hasn’t rung!
Park: Majesty’s feet have not hit the floor! This match is still going!
Wright: Oh man, if Majesty comes to, they’re only two feet away from becoming FIRESIDE World Champion!
Misha Constantine begins to stir on the inside of the ring, the realization that they’ve not lost yet has not crossed his mind as they slowly pull themselves up inch by inch on the ropes. He looks out where Majesty has crash landed and looks back to the referee, and suddenly it hits him: the match is still live!
Park: Misha Constantine is almost back to his feet, somehow, after that hellacious fall!
Wright: Wait -- Misha can still win the championship!
Misha Constantine returns to an upright position, the battered and bloodied Constantine just barely using the ropes for support. Majesty has not moved since falling off of the cage, and Constantine starts moving towards the door! He opens the door to the cage!
Wright: Misha Constantine and Majesty are both literally feet away from winning the FIRESIDE World Championship!
Park: Look at that Constantine, he knows he’s a walk down the steps away from being champion!
Misha Constantine ducks out under the ropes and takes a deep breath. He walks down the steel steps and begins laughing at his good fortune as he places both of his feet on the floor. The bell rings and the Self-Made God has made good on his words!
Wright: This one’s over!
Washington: Here is your winner, and the first EVER Fireside WOOOOOOOOOORLDDD CHAMPPPPPPPPION, MISHAAAAAAAAAAA CONSTANTINEEEEEEEE!
The crowd boos Misha’s victory, knowing just how lucky he got at the very end. The lights weirdly flicker off and on, and Majesty has teleported away once they come back on. This does not matter whatsoever to Misha, who has dropped to his knees in happiness as the referee comes over and hands him the world championship, allowing us to finally get a good look at the title.
After fighting through a hellacious battle, Misha receives the world championship. The title represents the three core pillars of FIRESIDE: competition, collaboration (one of the hands has nail polish), and community. The ten rubies shine brightly as they celebrate the original ten members, and the fire on the center plate seems to be paying homage to the fire lit at the top of every show. Fireworks begin to explode all over the indoor arena as Misha holds the belt high above his head for the world to see.
Wright: Thanks for watching, ladies and gentlemen! Congratulations to Misha Constantine, our first world champion!
Park: Stay safe and good night!