The Nihilists
.::XHF Competitor::.
Fireside World Champion, former XHF Global Tag Team Champions
Posts: 199
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Post by The Nihilists on Dec 4, 2020 16:04:55 GMT -5
Hey guys I am trying to evolve and add a bit more dimension and clarity (ha thats his signature move) to my Nihilist characters. Would love some feedback to this latest RP, where I can improve etc. Change (an Esmur Fireside RP)
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h2f
CAR Pit Crew
Vroom, Vroom, Female Dogs
Posts: 1,359
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Post by h2f on Dec 5, 2020 19:39:28 GMT -5
I am still working on what makes a "good" RP but from a writing and character development standpoint:
I liked the summation of recent events and the inclusion of planned events; that should get more notice - you address the coming match and opponents in a good way. The way it played out seems to give a staged feeling common to what I've seen on TV. The wrestlers do good job showing their emotion and how they relate to one another. The sentence lengths are varied and I am pretty sure I know who's color is who is talking. You did include reference to a story and then elude to what happens in said story; could have doubled down, I guess, but I thought it was enough if you knew what it was.
I think the most notable difference between this and what I am seeing from others is in the current. You set a blank stage to discuss but I don't feel like we are going anywhere (because we aren't robbing a bank or eating puppies). There is just enough to make this not a monologue and then we're getting hit in the head with archetypal imagery but why? Why are they in a dark room? Why open the window to let in light? How does the setting help their cause? Or how does it relate to their cause? what is the significance supposed to mean? These two seem to like dimly lit places but I don't know why. I'm sure it's there but it isn't obvious. I think it needs to be more obvious. less film more move. I'm not saying remove the arty and blow stuff up (maybe a little?) but try not to hid behind the deeper level and understand that there should be a superficial level available in what you write.
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The Nihilists
.::XHF Competitor::.
Fireside World Champion, former XHF Global Tag Team Champions
Posts: 199
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Post by The Nihilists on Dec 6, 2020 0:42:04 GMT -5
I get that. Yeah I have a habit of using dark rooms because they debuted as these characters all about embracing the end and the void and ya know... dollar store nihilism lol. I guess being gone for a year people won't remember that. Otherwise I was shooting more for a classic promo to camera style piece you'd see in the old WWF or even some of the video packages you get these days.
Thanks for the advice!
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Post by edwarddubin0604 on Dec 15, 2020 18:53:32 GMT -5
You never know when you'll have a pop up interview when an interviewer will find you in the locker room or in the corridor. interviews aren't so bad if your opponent didn't promo first since it builds up the match a bit. If it's a regular promo just address your opponents and don't hold anything back and be yourself.
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