Puppies for... Evil?
Dec 5, 2020 11:22:11 GMT -5
Mongo the Destroyer, Dave D-Flipz, and 3 more like this
Post by Isabel Rios on Dec 5, 2020 11:22:11 GMT -5
The shot picks up on a distracted-looking Isabel Rios, dressed in warm winter clothing, standing in a park, a light dusting of snow on the ground. A young child's voice calls out.
Kid: "Tia Izzy, you're gonna ask him about the puppies right?"
"I'm trying to Manny, okay? Go play!"
Isabel turns back to the camera, offering a smile.
"Hey, so I guess this is for Lord Dominicus. I don't have you on social media or anything (do evil leaders do social media? Well twitter I guess), so this was kinda the best way to reach you. See, my cousin's kids saw you giving away those corgis to all the wrestlers and, y'know, mall Santa there and now they've been up my butt about getting one for them. I tried to explain that you only give them to people you hate for some reason and you and I don't know each other so you don't hate me, but they aren't having it. So, I'm gonna try and make a pitch for why giving Manny and Lizzie a corgi puppy would be, well, evil."
The camera pans over for a moment to two grinning children, a boy of about seven and a girl of about five, bundled up in warm snowsuits, both waving eagerly, before panning back to Isabel.
"You see those kids? They can't handle a dog. They'll be crazy excited and all over the place and spoiling the thing at first, which will drive their parents nuts because they'll be ignoring everything else they're supposed to do. Then they'll eventually get used to the dog which means their parents will have to do all the cleaning up after it, feeding it, taking it for walks... really, it'll throw a giant monkey wrench into their entire family dynamic. Super evil, right? And their neighbours have a couple cats so you know the dog will harass the shit outta them, so that's just like extra icing on the evil cake."
The two children run past in the background, eagerly chanting "Puppy puppy puppy!" as they sprint around the playground.
"Okay, that's my pitch for why you should give them a dog. And if that doesn't work then... I dunno. Your mask is dumb, fuck your hat, your mom's a ho, whatever I have to say to make you hate me so you give me one to fuck up my life which I can then pass on to them and be the bestest Tia ever. Just help a girl out, alright? I just really need to outdo the trampoline their uncle got them last year. He's a super nice guy so maybe count 'outdoing super nice guy' to the evil column? Just think about it."
Manny and Lizzie run over to hug Isabel's legs, waving up at the camera as the shot fades to black.
Kid: "Tia Izzy, you're gonna ask him about the puppies right?"
"I'm trying to Manny, okay? Go play!"
Isabel turns back to the camera, offering a smile.
"Hey, so I guess this is for Lord Dominicus. I don't have you on social media or anything (do evil leaders do social media? Well twitter I guess), so this was kinda the best way to reach you. See, my cousin's kids saw you giving away those corgis to all the wrestlers and, y'know, mall Santa there and now they've been up my butt about getting one for them. I tried to explain that you only give them to people you hate for some reason and you and I don't know each other so you don't hate me, but they aren't having it. So, I'm gonna try and make a pitch for why giving Manny and Lizzie a corgi puppy would be, well, evil."
The camera pans over for a moment to two grinning children, a boy of about seven and a girl of about five, bundled up in warm snowsuits, both waving eagerly, before panning back to Isabel.
"You see those kids? They can't handle a dog. They'll be crazy excited and all over the place and spoiling the thing at first, which will drive their parents nuts because they'll be ignoring everything else they're supposed to do. Then they'll eventually get used to the dog which means their parents will have to do all the cleaning up after it, feeding it, taking it for walks... really, it'll throw a giant monkey wrench into their entire family dynamic. Super evil, right? And their neighbours have a couple cats so you know the dog will harass the shit outta them, so that's just like extra icing on the evil cake."
The two children run past in the background, eagerly chanting "Puppy puppy puppy!" as they sprint around the playground.
"Okay, that's my pitch for why you should give them a dog. And if that doesn't work then... I dunno. Your mask is dumb, fuck your hat, your mom's a ho, whatever I have to say to make you hate me so you give me one to fuck up my life which I can then pass on to them and be the bestest Tia ever. Just help a girl out, alright? I just really need to outdo the trampoline their uncle got them last year. He's a super nice guy so maybe count 'outdoing super nice guy' to the evil column? Just think about it."
Manny and Lizzie run over to hug Isabel's legs, waving up at the camera as the shot fades to black.
